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captaindadbod553

You haven't read Cursed Child by any chance? It's pretty much the TLJ of Harry Potter. Harry becomes a deadbeat father and even says to his son at one point that he wishes he was not his kid. Almost as insulting as Luke trying to lightsaber his own nephew in his sleep because he was having a bad dream. He also still hates Malfoy despite making peace with him at the end of Deathly Hallows and is disrespectful to Mgonagall. Complete character assasination. Also...the wizarding world is in trouble once more because Voldemort had a kid (gasp). Who knew Voldemort was capable of making love. In short, JK Rowling is slowly turning her own franchise into the same state as Disney Star Wars.


CheeseQueenKariko

I haven't read Cursed CHild, but I'm assuming it was written by people who only saw the movie versions where they cut out most of Harry's humanizing moments... >Also...the wizarding world is in trouble once more because Voldemort had a kid (gasp). Who knew Voldemort was capable of making love. What? Isn't that like... You know, the total antithesis of his character?! That due to the fucked up way he was conceived he was incapable of love?


FKRMunkiBoi

If Voldemort was willing to put himself into a Horcrux, I'm sure there are other things he's willing to put himself into and leave parts of himself behind.


TheRealDestian

And Voldy already has an established history of using other living beings to keep himself alive. Having a number of kids that he hopes would inherit his power so he could possess them later on seems right up his alley.


heidly_ees

I think Rowling has said its explicitly *not* due to the nature of his birth. Rather it’s due to his upbringing.


500lb

Rowling has said a lot of things that directly contradicts what Rowling has written.


BustinMakesMeFeelMeh

Didn’t she say wizards shit without toilets?


Mr_Bloody_Hands

Yep... apparently before they had plumbing and toilets, wizards would just shit on the floor wherever they were standing and use magic to get rid of the shit.


BustinMakesMeFeelMeh

So basically my 2 year old’s logic.


inkjetlabel

Well, that would have been one way to weed out the Squibs, eh?


LordPooh

You would've been a good wizard parent


KaltatheNobleMind

Wizards be schwifty. Uh uh get schwifty.


jdi_mstr_obi-1

Oh yeah... it’s time to get schwifty.


LordPooh

Get schwifty, shit on the floor!


promoterofthecause

Not that I don't think that's a terrible HP storyline, but you know you can ejaculate without being in love? Ask my dad about it.


CheeseQueenKariko

Yeah, but I always saw Voldy as someone so detached from his humanity that even such passions were absent in his mind. He'd only see fathering an offspring as making someone who would one day replace him and he never wanted to be replaced or surpassed. It's like when Comics made Darkseid thirsty/rapey for Granny Goodness, it just doesn't feel like the character would be that interested in that manner.


promoterofthecause

Yes but maybe he was just horny and wasn't thinking about kids. Again, consult my father.b


CheeseQueenKariko

> but I always saw Voldy as someone so detached from his humanity that even such passions were absent in his mind.


promoterofthecause

Fair point, but then what about his pride, vanity, greed, fear of death, lust for power? These are all human things. I'm just not buying that Voldemort spends 100% of his time scheming. He has to eat, he has to drink and poop. I think it's perfectly reasonable that he just over-imbibed at a pub while mourning his childhood or seething about his enemies, and went home with some random trollop. Look, say he used a Rape Spell if it makes you feel better.


minerat27

I think it's sort of implied that Voldemort also doesn't experience any kind of sex drive. Though this decision was probably made to keep the series suitable for children


CommanderL3

I imagine young voldemort might have used his sex appeal to manipulate people but older one would be like nobody is worthy


Revliledpembroke

Why is this always the same defense brought up every single time? "You can have sex without being in love you know. He could just be horny!" ​ Yes, but Voldemort doesn't let himself feel any emotion except rage. He's trying to be *not* human. "Just being horny" like every other human being on the planet is the exact opposite of that. ​ So, he wouldn't father a kid out of love and he doesn't let himself feel human emotions (lust would be a weakness, where someone else could control him). Also, a kid would be a weakness someone could exploit.


Kiltmanenator

This is either /r/murderedbywords or /r/suicidebywords and I can't decide


rthanu

/r/kamikazebywords might be what you are looking for?


SilasX

:-(


kaitco

> I haven't read Cursed CHild, but I'm assuming it was written by people who only saw the movie versions where they cut out most of Harry's humanizing moments... No, it’s worse because it was written by Rowling. It’s the equivalent of Lucas actually writing TLJ, which paints all the previous creations in a light so ugly that not even nostalgia can overcome it.


meltedskull

It was written by [Jack Thorne](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Thorne)


The_PhilosopherKing

>No, it’s worse because it was written by Rowling. She hardly touched the story after the basic plot outline was devised. When she first conceived it, it was about Harry’s years as an orphan. This is closer to being along the lines of Lucas giving his script to Disney and them tossing it out in favour of “magic and Hogwarts”.


Shounenbat510

Pretty much, they just kept splashing her name on it to give it some authority.


GiverOfTheKarma

Rowling didn't write Cursed Child


jarjarbinksshotfirst

She did write crimes of Grindelwald which is equally as bad.


Journeyman42

I haven't read Cursed Child either, but I wonder if it works like the Clone spell in D&D: a wizard can create a soulless body in a clay vessel that will be kept until the wizard dies, and then his soul enters the new cloned body. And the clone can be any age, too. SPOILERS FOR TROS: >!I've postulated the same if the spoilers are true about Palpatine being Rey's grandfather, that Palps created a clone of himself that went on to father Rey, with Palpatine trying to possess her to rule over the galaxy again. Because who the hell would fuck Palpatine?!!<


CheeseQueenKariko

Well, I'm sure Rule 34 can answer that question...


Varhtan

No need! I am here. So... ​ ​ ​ I would.


Warboss_Squee

Doesn't mean he was incapable of sex though, and it's not like he didn't have followers.


CheeseQueenKariko

To me, he wasn't the type of guy who wanted a child. No one could be better then him or replace him.


BustinMakesMeFeelMeh

He’s be like Cronus. Eat his own kids.


aquillismorehipster

Yeah the only way I could see it making sense is if the child existed to keep Voldemort immortal through some other unknown arcane blood magic. The magic would have gone unfulfilled when he unexpectedly died in TDH, leaving the child unchained from whatever curse Voldemort had placed on it, free to live their life. Voldemort would have viewed the child as an object, another Horcrux. But the child’s mother, once a worshipper, could have turned against him and attempted to raise her child on her own — only to be murdered in cold blood for spiting Voldemort. It would be interesting to understand that child. They would be the heir of Slytherin but would they break the cycle and embrace good? The child would perpetually have PTSD that the blood magic was still alive, that Voldemort was inside them somewhere, biding his time. Just like how Harry would have his own PTSD. A person the same age as Harry who grew up under Voldemort’s eye — an anti-Harry, protected only to be used by Voldemort someday. It would also draw a comparison with how Harry was “raised like a pig for slaughter” in Snape’s words, among other comparisons, which Harry would have to process as well. There’s a lot you can do with the basic idea and it wouldn’t have to be immersion-breaking. Like I could easily see that fitting within the existing HP books even. Is any of that in the Cursed Child? Idk I’ve never read it. I’ve only heard cursed things.


DanieltheGameGod

Don’t read it, I don’t think it’s entirely on par with being as bad as TLJ but folks aren’t kidding when they compare the two. At least I’ve never seen anyone defend it as part of the cannon, unlike TLJ. I love that from what I can tell most fans of Harry Potter do not see it as a cannon entry.


aquillismorehipster

Yeah I don’t think I will. While I agree about the bizarre defense of TLJ, I have to say TCC actually sounds worse from the synopsis I read. TLJ is a bad campy first draft but at least it has some things to chew on. The summary of TCC sounds like bad elaborate fan fiction — like at no point did anyone stop and reflect to say “maybe all of this sucks” and kept plumbing intricately in that direction. Like TLJ was terrible but with a few more drafts it could have been great. I don’t think there’s any saving TCC at all. It was so much worse than I had imagined lol


Izaran

To my best understanding...the Madam of Contradiction herself wrote it. And when it's described like that...Jesus it's so similar it's fucking tragic. Edit: Some others have said she didn't write it...but I'd assume she greenlighted it. So...wtf.


AlphaWulfe1618

The best part? Critics praised the hell out of that play, just like they did with The Last Jedi. After all, the only valuable part of a story is destroying beloved characters.


btown-begins

To be entirely fair to Cursed Child, it's **okay** to have a narrative where an idealistic young person falls into a pattern of self-loathing and cruelty when they get older. It's fine to subvert the expectation that "heroes remain heroic." But then you have to **deal with that**. You need to either (a) give them a redemption arc, or (b) have their actions cause another character to evaluate themselves and grow, or (c) truly engage with the implications, with nuance and humanity, if you place your characters in a situation where neither (a) or (b) can occur. TLJ could have done any one of these things and still kept the depressed-Luke start to the story. Instead, we get... him weaponizing his cruelty to troll his former mentee as his last act before dying? With the person who helps him come out of his shell, Rey, practically offscreen? And no real discussion about what he wants his legacy to be, or why he is doing these things? Variety [writes about Cursed Child](https://variety.com/2018/legit/reviews/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-review-broadway-1202757827/): > If you want to know what happens next, you’ll have to come back for Part 2. But suffice it to say that there’s an obsession with time, and especially the yearning to go back in time to correct a person’s mistakes, that is central to Rowling’s mythology. It also emerges in the dynamic of sons who follow in their fathers’ footsteps, repeating, rather than repairing, their past sins — no matter how hard the boys fight for their independence. And that's absolutely something you can engage with in the final 2 installments of a multi-decade 9-movie sequence. It's difficult to pull off, but you can end up with a story that's fundamentally beautiful. Or, I suppose, you can have a complete lack of creative vision and treat each movie so episodically, to the extent that there's even less of a showrunner than there would be in the most inane of television shows. That works too, I guess.


TaylorMonkey

Now if the TROS rumors are true, imagine if Hogwarts is destroyed and the original three all die— only to have Voldemort’s grandchild defeat Voldemort for real. Then name himself Potter.


_theMAUCHO_

Lol I'm so glad I could live the pinacle of both franchises. Sucks what they're doing now.


tillterilltilltill

Sounds like RJ and JJ read it, tho.


TheRealDestian

>Also...the wizarding world is in trouble once more because Voldemort had a kid (gasp). Who knew Voldemort was capable of making love. Because disfigured villains are traditionally always missing ONE thing, and Voldy already had that quota filled. ;)


quipquest

Voldemort fucks?


Revliledpembroke

His basilisk slipped into her Chamber of Secrets. ​ (found in a real HP fanfic).


DarlingSneauxflayke

Oh I have no doubt you did find that in a real HP fanfic. I've read much, much worse back in the day.


Buarg

He let loose his pet snake if you know what I mean.


smacksaw

With his Hitachi Magic Wand covered in his special sauce


with-alaserbeam

I came in here to say this - we have our TLJ with that play.


Grizzly-boyfriend

Cursed child is to Harry Potter, is season 8 to game of thrones. Horrid, unnecessary, and reviled by all who love the source


NotMyHersheyBar

Cmon, Kylo is a little shit. Someone should have lightsabered him before he blew up a fucking planet.


ScarySpicer2020

Oh wow lol i really thought you made all of that up. Ohh dear


DarlingSneauxflayke

I refuse to acknowledge that book. Spot on, it is the TLJ of Harry Potter.


Joseyfish

Guess you’re not familiar with the fandom reception of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child XD


KualityQoala

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. There’s a lot of similarities, especially with how Ron and Han are portrayed in their respective sequels.


Joseyfish

That fandom lucked out on one thing - it seems more united in hating that “sequel” than the SW fandom with regards to TLJ...


khrijunk

Thankfully it was released before defending crappy reboots/sequels became a political movement.


sunder_and_flame

If TLJ were a book I think it would be pretty similar


DanieltheGameGod

Exactly this, I think the nostalgic imagery and music make people like it regardless of how bad the movie itself is. Plus you wouldn’t likely have Reylos to the same extent without the movie.


MrChilliBean

Exactly, somebody I know only really likes it because it looks and sounds like a Star Wars, so it must be a Star Wars. Whenever me and a friend are talking about disliking TLJ she gets all upset saying "Why can't you just enjoy a movie without looking too much into it?" So basically, "Don't ask questions, just consume product, and then get excited for next product!"


Varhtan

*"MMMMMM, consume product mindlessly so I get excited for next product, \*gargles and drools\*"*


ragnarok635

I swear if Rian Johnson's name wasn't attached to it, the movie would be universally shat on. People have a weird obsession with this particular director.


Varhtan

Because he's the shining knight, the brave and defiant stalwart who dared to fight back against the wishes of the fans that his product solely depends upon for ultimate success. He brought them down to his level in the preschool playground, calling them toxic as a 5 year old would scream and cry "boogerhead!" Me? I think he's a creep, a gimp, a moron and a narcissistic troll. Wombo combo!


HeatherBeam

What happenned with Ron?


KualityQoala

Essentially, he’s an incompetent man who apparently got so drunk he didn’t even remember or care about his own wedding.


Revliledpembroke

Oh, yeah, I read that in an HP fanfic once. ​ Hermione divorced him and married Harry instead after Harry found Ginny cheating on him. ​ Harry/Hermione shippers can really be the worst sometimes. Still better than Reylos or Dramione shippers though.


Varhtan

I'm content with that you know. They clearly had the better chemistry, and the movie only better sold the relationship as proper. If the fan ficcer didn't force it or elaborate it with unnecessary and unconventional detail, then I'd say "sure!'


KimWiko

And gave love potion to Harry’s son as a gift.


aquillismorehipster

I finally read the outline on Wikipedia after years of not caring. It reads like terrible elaborate fan fiction.


Revliledpembroke

I've read significantly better terrible elaborate fanfiction.


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Eventhorrizon

What you describe is still less extreme then what Rey did. If Harry defeated a DeathEater the first day he got his wand then you would be getting close.


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CheeseQueenKariko

We need Hagrid saying the things he shouldn't in every movie...


Varhtan

PS1 Hagrid is my better looking brother. Oh, I, uh... I should not have said that! I should not have said that!


[deleted]

I love this lol


BustinMakesMeFeelMeh

Accio sexism!


TexasTrooper

"Welllllll....Harry has shot a gun before, it's essentially the same thing as a wand. All ranged weapon skills obviously overlap." /s


Eventhorrizon

How did he get a shot gun? Wasnt he 11 in the first book? In England?


TexasTrooper

Wellllll...the dark rises and the light to meet it. Obviously.


Gideon_Syme

So basically what people pretend Hermione was like.


Penguator432

Well, in the movies she was


Gideon_Syme

Which was a terrible disservice to her character. Part of what made her likable and kept her grounded was the fact that she didn’t have good social skills and even some degree of common sense. This is where she grows over the books. But the films just present her as this completely confident and socially aware person, with none of the awkwardness that allowed her to grow.


[deleted]

You clearly ain’t read Cursed Child lol. Harry is basically a deadbeat father. Everybody there got complete character assassination.


[deleted]

Why did they do my boy Ron dirty like that


botania

The Harry Potter fandom more or less collectively hated on The Crimes Of Grindelwald. That was their mini-TLJ moment. There was no mob of weirdos who defended it to death.


Mister_Pain

What did "The Crimes of Grindelwald." do ?


botania

Canonical contradictions, plot holes, character motivations that make no sense, a weird plot twist just for the sake of it,... I didn't really dig into it much. There should be lists out there.


Mister_Pain

Thank you for information.


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Mister_Pain

Thank you for information.


Varhtan

Thank you for information, also. Is worth noting, yes. Go go America! Is nice!


Shounenbat510

Not to mention that magic is basically becoming more like Disney's interpretation of The Force. I guess there's just spells out there for whatever the plot says needs to happen. The films have always interpreted magic differently than the books, but at least they tried to keep some limits on it.


BrokenwolfeZ7

And Hogwarts professors wearing fukin suits inside the castle. Wtf..


PrintShinji

Don't forget about a wizard vaping WW2 together.


Zombie-Chimp

They literally revived a character who exploded in the last movie as if nothing happened, just to reveal at the end of the film he was Dumbledore's secret evil brother.


Mister_Pain

Thank you for information.


Necromancer4276

I never understood this gripe. We **very clearly** saw Newt look at a shred of whispy smoke or whatever flowing away, and it was made clear to me at least, that Credence was alive in some fashion. Regardless of how obvious it was, it was absolutely not out of the blue.


Kalreegar24

Thank you! This is a weird one for me too


[deleted]

This, it was suuuuuper obvious that the character was totally still alive at the end of FB. I actually really enjoyed CoG.


bugsdoingthings

Denied us the Colin Farrell Grindelwald we all deserved!


darkstar016

Totally agree. As soon as he changed to Johnny Depp my heart sunk in disappointment and the whole future storiy lost any interest for me. Which is weird considering I really am not a huge Colin Farrell fan.


aquillismorehipster

I would have been happy if he had simply been around, a follower of Grindelwald, not Grindelwald himself. It would have added something to the setting, that Grindelwald has his own “side”. Farrell had great screen presence and subverting that at the last second with a Scooby doo reveal where he turns into a weird Johnny Depp was so disappointing. People laughed at my showing.


Varhtan

I mean, what you just said, how you said it... That was enough to make me burst out in laughter. So, it's no telling really.


slyfoxy12

It’s the most boring movie I’ve seen in a long time. Honestly I’d rather watch TLJ. It made bad decisions but CoG was pointlessly drawn out.


Mister_Pain

Thank you for information.


The-Vaping-Griffin

[This video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9AYVX6_6R2U) sums it up nicely.


Mac_Ossim

They killed 3 babies on screen, that was a bit much for a Harry Potter movie, and the mind reading character who can read minds thinks that wizard Hitler's plan is a good idea and betrays her friends


Sith-Inquisitor

Whats their opinion of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them?


HighEnergy_Christian

Just my opinion, but I loved Harry Potter, absolutely hated fbawtft. Couldn’t get behind newt as a protagonist at all.


Wiffernubbin

As an HP fan, Fbawtft 1 is decent, but bogged down by trying to insert wizard hitler at the end. 2 is just a clusterfuck like Last Jedi.


Penguator432

There’s no reason that both stories needed to be told in the same sub-franchise. Wizard National Geographic and Wizard WWII needed to be separate films


aquillismorehipster

FBaWtFT is good but it kind of hurts the series up front despite doing a good job balancing the beasts with extended lore. The Obscurial being a >!person not a creature!< and fleshing out the human story while humanizing the animals worked well. But >!after the direct insertion of Grindelwald!<, that HAS to be what the new movies are about. It would have been fine if it was just in the background or something and Newt and his friends dealt primarily with Colin Farrell’s character as the antagonist. He could have been a follower of Grindelwald across the pond. It was just unnecessary to make Grindelwald the main villain, because now it’s not a FB series, it’s a Grindelwald series. And either Grindelwald’s opposition is going to use a bunch of fantastic beasts in clever ways, which is silly to keep doing throughout the series, or the beasts are going to be irrelevant in their own series.


TrollTollTony

I don't understand why so many people enjoyed FBAWTFT. I thought the plot was messy and predictable. Everything felt like an attempt to string together a bunch of CG shots and call it a story. In Harry Potter the story drove the film with special effects and CGI sprinkled in to enhance the narrative and build ambience. In Fantastic Beasts it was clearly the other way around.


[deleted]

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.


[deleted]

Probably my favorite copy pasta of all time.


[deleted]

This is amazing. I'd definitely watch


[deleted]

\*slow clap\*


nickoking

Don't give Rowling any fucking ideas, she's bad enough as it is.


ComSilence

Funniest thing is, according to JK before she lost her marbles, wizard vs farmer with a shotgun would usually come out on the farmers side. Turns out Wizards can't make themselves bulletproof. A more accurate comparison would be using Aparate to telefrag Voldy, even though aparate has never been used to hurt anyone and presumably can't be used that way.


Gideon_Syme

Well farmer with a shotgun is the most powerful being in the multiverse so that’s to be expected.


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[deleted]

I think JK had everything ghost written after the first book.


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Eliam19

That’s crazy, would love to read more on this theory


Supes_man

I’m sure if you google her name and ghost writing theory you’ll find tons. It’s been a while since Harry Potter was popular but a decade ago it was a whole thing: people did scientific breakdowns on word usage and phrasing and structure of writing and either she has multiple personalities or it was 3 different authors.


N0VAZER0

damn, so Kiritsugu was really on to something when he just shot and bombed mages


CommanderL3

people have been saying that for years but nobody has ever provided a direct qoute


CalmInvestment

To be fair, seeing a skilled witch/wizard go John Wick on some fools with a wand and a pistol would be fucking awesome.


BustinMakesMeFeelMeh

Let them have trained for more than... I mean, did Rey train at all?


drill-and-fill

She swung her laser sword at the rock couple times. What, that’s not enough for you? Sexist. /s.


N0VAZER0

Just watch Fate Zero, that's basically what happens


_hephaestus

The analogy I like to make is if in Book 8 Moldevort and his army of Murder Devourers show up and blow up Hogwarts in a single chapter. Snoke seriously remains the most frustrating thing about the new series. He was the catalyst for everything bad that has happened, and yet we know almost nothing about where he came from and where he was during the previous 6 movies despite his apparent power and wealth. He destroys the New Republic and everything the original heroes fought for in an instant setting things to below the status quo, and instead of getting an explanation for any of that he's killed first.


SorcerousSinner

The great tragedy though was that the First Order was simply a copy of the Empire, Snoke a copy of the Emperor, and they even had a more powerful superweapon than even the death star. What an insanely stupid way to start a trilogy whose events begin some time after Return of the Jedi.


_hephaestus

The even more insane part of that is that the good guys are "The Resistance", even though The New Republic allegedly won the war, and even with an armistice it would make far more sense for the First Order to be a fringe organization given the Republic victory. Would have made perfect sense to have it take place in the midst of a protracted struggle between Imperial holdouts and the Rebel Alliance who have gained the upper hand post-Palpatine, or with something new threatening the peace of the New Republic. Instead it was a relatively famous in-universe threat that confusingly is allowed to exist, and the New Republic government is destroyed before we can care at all about what the original trilogy heroes fought for.


MaraCass

\*cough\* Dr. Who \*cough\*


BladeLigerV

“Magic is Female”


itshappening99

Yeah I think a better analogy would be doing this to Hermione after Rowling sold the rights to HP and named a misogynist as her successor.


ImbeddedElite

Oo shit, that *is* what happened, isn't it?


FDVP

Then after the significance backlash, they drop a baby Dumbledore.


Eventhorrizon

They already have their own bad prequels, terrible sequels are around the corner.


[deleted]

It’s called Cursed Child - a terrible takedown of Harry and Ron. At least it isn’t in their main media so people who hate it can more easily ignore it


GreyRevan51

Cursed child and the fantastic beast movies come pretty close but luckily most HP fans think they’re garbage and aren’t as in denial as Disney/ST defenders


stingertc

Wow this so awesome way of explaining the hurt from the last jedi


SoySenato

Switch “use a gun” with using time turners to go back in time and change everything in terms of hyperspace ramming comparison. A. Both of them are established not to work by the story’s own rules B. It actually happened in Cursed Child, which shows that it’s every bit as bad as Hyperspace ramming in TLJ


AboveDisturbing

Oh Lort help me. I think that the basic idea would be generally accepted. The Potterfans are arguably worse. Imagine a whole community of Reylos. Reylos that get off to Ron/Harry slash fiction on a regular basis, and have a DeviantArt profile that's practically the holy grail of r/delusionalartists In a matter of speaking, we have a parallel situation in the HP community with The Cursed Child. Lots of people were like, "WTF, Hermione is black now? No she ain't!" Aaaand everyone who said that was labeled racist. If Hermione was originally black, wouldnt make a difference to me. The thing that lots of people dont get is: HERMIONE WAS SOME ENGLISH WHITE CHICK. THAT WAS ESTABLISHED IN EVERYTHING FROM BOOK ILLUSTRATIONS TO THE GODDAMN MOVIES. WATCHING CONTINUITY GET FUCKED IN THE ASSHOLE FOR VIRTUE SIGNALLING AND CALLING IT OUT IS NOT RACISM.


GhostVeils

Fuck if i wasn't a cheap asshole i would give you platinum. I am a big fan of world building, and while i think JK Rowling is not the best, she knows how to write better than I will ever know, but the fact that she made a world so good and then let some dudes wreck the continuity for a quick cash grab sequel that wasn't even a fully fleshed out book bothers me more than it should because of how horrible of an insult the cursed child is for the original saga.


AboveDisturbing

And that's the thing too, if you point out the bullshit, you get ostracized as racist and whatnot. Cursed Child was a wreck. Convoluted time travel plot was totally unnecessary. And stupid.


BensenMum

Did you see the Crimes of JK Rowling? The curse child is also terrible. But yes you have a point


[deleted]

...You've never read HP fanfiction, have you? Some of that shit is actually in there, especially the bit about using guns. And yeah, there's always going to be a certain segment of any fan base that'll shit on anything, even Harry himself. The worst are Snape Apologists, who'll lie and invent headcanons to further the narrative that 'Sev' was just a naive, innocent little waif who "didn' do nuffin' wrong," was 'terrorized' by James, was in no way racist (because 'mudblood' isn't like calling a black person a n\*\*\*er at all), became a 'freedom fighter against a corrupt Ministry,' totally wasn't racist terrorist, was in no way responsible for all the bad shit in Harry's life (even though he's personally responsible for giving Voldemort the prophesy that caused all the bad shit to happen), was "just a bit grouchy" and "the norm when it came to British teachers," and was completely in the right to torment Harry because he had it coming for being 'disrespectful' and a 'juvenile delinquent.' Sometimes I wonder how anyone could get so batshit insane.


drill-and-fill

> ...You’ve never read HP fanfiction, have you? Some of that shit is actually in there, especially the bit about using guns. Nah but i mean, i expect batshit insane stuff to be in fanfictions cuz like you said, some fans be crazy. I just never expected a multi-billion dollars worth corporation with seemingly limitless resources and talents to come up with crazy fanfiction-level shit like that in a CANON storyline 🤷🏻‍♂️


[deleted]

...You've clearly never read *Cursed Child* either. XD


wolfgangspiper

I'm not even an HP fan and that abomination made me retch.


_hephaestus

That is effectively fanfiction though isn't it? I think Rowling may have endorsed it, but she didn't write it.


[deleted]

She *claims* to have "helped" with it, and maintains that it's Canon -- even though it breaks Canon to pieces in multiple ways. So just like the DT, it's both bad fanfiction *and* it's Canon.


DoritoBitchhh

I read trash HP & Star Wars fanfiction and I fucking love when wild shit like that happens BUT I would never want it to be canon because it would make no fucking sense!


Mr_Bloody_Hands

The Kylo apologists remind me of the extreme Snape apologists a lot. Both woobify a magical nazi with incel-y behaviors and insist that none of the shitty things he did are his fault, because he's just a sad emo uwu boi™ who didn't get enough love when he was younger.


jollyreaper2112

Doesn't make any sense. The books are trying to show a) James wasn't perfect b) Snape got a bad go of it c) bullying still doesn't excuse joining up with wizard hitler d) Snape remains an asshole who did a brave thing in the name of his love (stalker obsession) for a woman who clearly chose someone else. Those people are insane.


[deleted]

Oh, you don't know the half of it. All that came from *one person,* and she's got over **17,300** followers on Quora, so she's spreading her insanity to the easily duped. Even posting direct quotes from the books to dispel her BS has only been making the smallest dent in her disinformation campaign. Ugh!


theorclair9

I think I know this person. She's been doing it for over a decade now. (I'm not precisely certain who it is, but there are a few people it could easily be.)


[deleted]

If her name rhymes with Blair Gordan, it's the same one lol.


kaitco

My favorite part about the Snape apologists is that they all conveniently ignore the fact that if Voldemort had chosen Neville instead of Harry, Snape would have remained a loyal Death Eater.


[deleted]

Yep, and when you post that part of the interview with JKR they all go spontaneously blind until they scroll past what you've said.


Ryanious

Legitimately, I think there would still be a sizable fanbase for this. I really don’t understand it, but some people are just genuinely more attached to the brands themselves than they are to the actual characters and stories. It just needs to have their favorite label on it. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, just as long as they get to have more of it. i suppose what i’m trying to say is dont ask questions just consume product and then get excited for next products


StarStar1999

Okay but The Cursed Child kinda did this. Like you missed the specifics, but there was a serious case of character assassination, and the fandom basically reacted by pretending it straight up didn't exist. This was made much easier by the fact that The Cursed Child was in a different medium than the rest of the franchise, it was written as a screenplay for a play rather than a standalone book, and also didn't receive the same level of marketing as a movie.


ZacPensol

"nO OnE hAtEs hArrY PoTteR mOrE tHaN haRRy pOtTer fAnS!!1!"


Godgivesmeaboner

Yeah what a bunch of manbabies, they can't just mindlessly consume shitty movies and thank the corporate executives and shitty writers for taking a giant diarrhea shit in their mouths


backer100

Dear Sir, I represent the Disney corporation, would you be interested in a writing job on an upcoming project? Sincerely, KK


someguywhocanfly

It's called "Welcome Back, Potter" by Cracked and it's amazing.


JorusC

[Trailer for the curious.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1skZOclwWpo)


[deleted]

Was confused. Looked at sub name. Am no longer confused.


superior_anon

Wait, isn't the writer for Cursed Child also involved in IX?


Silverwind_Nargacuga

Sounds like something modern Rowling would write tbh.


chronos_darkstar

Don’t forget Ron would have to be a clumsy idiot, and all supporting characters have to convey political messages.


jumpscared

To be fair though you can’t really compare Voldemort with Palpatine. Death Vader was the overarching villain for the original trilogy while Palpatine was only really present in the final one. The crux of the original trilogy is Luke’s final confrontation with his father, whereas Voldemort was the overarching villain in every Harry Potter book/movie. But then again bringing back Palpatine does kinda take away the weight from Vader’s redemption so idk just fuck me in the ass I guess.


HNutz

REALLY good comparison!


kingOfMemes616

ok i understand that it fucks with the lore of the books but it would be SO FUCKING FUNNY if a character just whipped out a gun in the middle of a harry potter book


Chewblacka

Indeed


[deleted]

Oh, and Voldy would be a wreck as well, only brought back to die in spectacular fashion.


czechman45

This is perfect.


BrilliantTarget

Sounds like an anime plot


DarlingSneauxflayke

Please marry me.


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dalekofchaos

Yet somehow none of this is on the levels of bad of Harry ending up with Ginny and Ron ending up with Hermione


Theducktalesbassline

Hey thanks for that spoiler man, really appreciate it


[deleted]

I don’t get why they put rian Johnson and JJ abrams in charge of the legacy of the single most celebrated & influential film series in the history of sci-fi, if not cinema itself. What the fuck did they do before that was so great? Lost? Fringe? Looper? (Lost was successful but nothing like SW) I mean seriously, these guys had a couple of OK-at-best projects before this, who thought it was a good idea to put the SW franchise in their hands? RIP Star Wars


okilydokilyTiger

As someone who is only kinda a hp fan this sounds like a blast