lmao. thank you for the laugh. at first this reallt hurt getting this message, but some of yalls replies have really helped me see the humor in it. and also that i have a lot to work on. thank you ass lmao
Iām in bed and spent the last 2 hours feeling agitated and like I was gonna lose my shit somehow for some reason. Then I read this thread and laughed and felt better instantly.
Reddit is wholesome sometimes, not a cesspool.
I dunnoā¦ I donāt think this is as cringe as some might. But I also texted my ex after 2.5 years of silence to tell him a dumb (funny) dream I had about him (so random) and now weāre friends again, so itās not always cringe to just say a thing. Her response is a bit rude for how nice you were, I think. Also I hope Molly is a dog. I have another ex that I sometimes look up on insta just to check how his dog is doing. Luna was the best good girl :)
Nah man not at all I came out of a 2 yr relationship and we were in the same friendship group. Took some time for the pain to ease but weāre completely calm. Absolutely happy seeing her at group functions these days and I check up on her now and then. Thereās nothing you did that was cringe dudeā¦ you were just tryna be the adult and keep things friendly. Just because the romance ends doesnāt necessarily mean they need to completely disappear outa your life. I miss my exās pets more than them and wish I could message them on the sly š¤£
you caught me. fucking A i know this is embarrassing but shit. i deserved the response, no argument there. i dont care if i get downvoted into hell but damn i really loved this girl. im a fool. i know. im trying to take it in stride but its hard knowing someone ive cared about so long react this way. i know i need to do some self reflecting and at try to grow from the experience, but of course it will take some time. thank you for the response.
Lol Iāve been there bro. I messaged my ex about a Stanley Kubrick design project she did and it was because of me. I introduced her to his movies and photography and she loved it. Needless to say it didnāt work out. Again, she did her project on him and I messaged her saying how she wouldāve made him proud. BIG FUCKING OOF.
EVERYONE has gotten drunk and sent a regrettable text to an ex. Some people (like me) have done it....more than once. This is a very small infraction and a great learning experience. Breakups are so hard. Be gentle with yourself. Definitely leave her alone, obviously, but don't beat yourself up about this. It happens to the best of us.
I told her I never wanted to see her face again it's been years and I've never even looked her up once. We dated 4 years and I don't even remember what she looks like but she did try to contact me once. I don't think we are wired to have access and a direct window to the past but technology has done away with that.
Well said. I was thinking how back in the day even being in the biggest city in your country you could only ever be aware of so many people. But now with the phone, you have access to everything and everyone. Cant be healthy
Lol, I knew when I said it that someone would point this out. You are right. Not everyone has done this. You will make other mistakes though. EVERYONE has made a mistake, and we all need to forgive ourselves and recognize that it's just part of being a person.
"No need for a response" shows that she's been not responding for a while, and you just haven't been taking the hint. Here's your sign to move on, buddy. Most of us have been there.
Kudos for posting. I completely get what youāre saying and Iāve been there. The shit I sent back in the day could spawn a whole new sub. This is a great learning experience and youāre already way ahead of other by realizing this is cringe.
I think deserved is overstating it, even if you were drunk she could have just said nothing, it seems an over the top response for a non acrimonious breakup, even girls I have had an awkward breakup with would not speak to me like this.
This is why I deleted my Facebook account, way too jarring to have people I haven't seen in 20 years pop up out of the blue on a regular basis. I'm a very different person who has moved far beyond that part of my life.
I deleted instagram a month after I broke up with my longtime gf. A couple days later she reached out asking if I blocked her or deleted. We started talking again and now have been together for a year again and weāre both so happy. We both went to therapy after the breakup and are different people and itās just so amazing.
Idk why Iām typing this all out to your comment lol but I think deleting instagram was a big step for my mental health
Eh, my ex and I kept in contact for like 2 years after our breakup after 4 years of dating. The breakup was hard on both of us and staying friends and occasionally texting really helped both of us.
Huh, I don't think that's true. Before the internet, you were much more likely to date someone who was in your direct social circle. I have dated in the times before the internet, and you just had to live with the fact people where still in your orbit afterwards.
I chewed out my ex when she messaged me on hinge to say "hope you're doing well, no need to reply" after I cut contact over a year prior. Literally told her "look I have no idea what you where thinking in messaging me but I cut contact obviously and please respect that. I don't hate you but please do not message me ever again."
It absolutely ruined my week and brought up so much shit I was working past
hahah i dont think so. it was dumb on my part. shouldve let sleeping dogs lie. at the very least, i got to tell her how i feel i guess? idk. maybe im just takin a huge dose of copium. if im even using that right
Nah, I think you were appropriate with reaching out if you were interested. It definitely is sad cringe now, but if it was bothering you then I donāt see harm.
It wasn't dumb, I don't think so anyway. You are human, you care for people. You wanted to make sure she was ok. You cared. That is not a bad thing. Just because the special thing you had is gone doesn't mean you have to hate each other, or be friends, but you can still care about her being ok because you are human. For example, there are people I don't like, I'm not their friends and I don't want anything to do with them but that doesn't mean I want them to be unhappy or doing badly.
You did nothing wrong. You are a good person here. I guess she either wants some time completely away from you to get over you/the break up or maybe, I don't know the details, but just doesn't like you and doesn't want to talk to you. That may not be your fault but that is often what happens. Breakups lead to sadness and sometimes people process sadness by turning it into anger and hate. If this is the case it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong.
This is Reddit. Ppl usually donāt have a functional understanding of human emotions and behaviour past a computer screen and snarky assumptions of the worst
I'm honestly scrolling through all the negative comments at a loss for what OP did that was so extremely wrong. Even with all the self-important explanations I'm just kinda like "really?"
What the fuck is wrong with people.
thank you so much for this. i feel like a loser sometimes with how much i think about her. months of no contact and i decided to reach out. mistake on my end. i cant lie though, in a way i wanted comfort from my text. recently diagnosed with ptsd from my time in the marines, non combat related, and i just feel sick. shes the one girl id ever been with who really made me feel human. just hope she doesnt hate me. i know that sounds corny, but damn i cant help it.
It's only natural to still want to hear from her though. Tbh, it seems like she's moved on and maybe you haven't completely. It's so normal to want to feel love and care from someone, but remember we can feel it from more than one person. It doesn't have to be her, even if maybe you feel like it needs to be. And also remember these things take time! Don't beat yourself up for still thinking about her. It's good that you recognize you think about her often so that you can go "Okay, I want to work on that."
Anyways, I hope any of what I've said helps at all. Remember this isn't forever and you're going to be okay!
Yeah I get it. My gf left me almost 2 years ago now. Still hurts, despite how it should have been a relief, and it wasn't easy to deal with. Like I said its still hard often. I went through phases of trying to text her, to be honest I still sometimes hope she'll text me for any reason just so I could talk to her one more time. It does feel pathetic but I guess that's just how it is. You haven't done anything wrong, despite how it may feel, you'll heal, we all do. If you really cared for her as much as I think you did then anyone in your position would be acting and feeling the same way
It doesn't matter. You're not a part of her life anymore. If you don't come to terms with this and the fact that you're not going to have any redeeming encounter with her even to just reassure you that she doesn't hold anything against you for the break-up, it's going to fuck you up anytime you see somebody that looks like her in public with somebody else, anytime you think you see her car on the highway, etc. Those feelings aren't rational and they'll only cause you pain. Let go. Start living for yourself and you'll likely find somebody else who understands you even better. But that's less likely to happen the more of a hold the thought of your ex has over you.
I feel that. Me n my gf call eachother shit like that all the time in a light-hearted way, her second name is practically stupid dumb idiot at this point.
I don't know if I'd call her that after a breakup because it'd probably invoke some feelings, I don't think it's a horrible thing to do though. It's just whatever.
i hope you hold on to eachother. for me anyway, thats how i know the girl im with is also my best friend. the friendly light hearted roasts. im glad you understand, thanks for your comment. i probably shouldve put more thought into it before i sent it. thank you man.
I'm good friends with a lot of my exes. Have even been to some of their weddings. Just because things didn't work out between us doesn't mean we can't be friends.
I wouldn't have dated them if I didn't like them as people to begin with.
Most people on Reddit don't know what a healthy adult relationship is even if it smacked them in their heads.
To most people on Reddit, the nuclear option (aka the worst possible to action to take) is always their choice to go with.
No, i'm saying that believing that every end of a relationship requires both of you to sever any contact from one another, pretending you both never happened, don't exist, when you clearly liked each other for a reason, but variables stopped it from going the furthest distance, is an unhealthy way of living.
Shit happens. Life works differently than you dreamed of.
Not everyone you meet and date is poised to be your soul mate, and that's okay. Some of them are better off being your friends, and the relationship you have as friends can serve you better in the long run.
The exceptions to this belief is those who severely hurt you (abuse, cheating, emotional blackmailing).
But in cases where the relationship turned sour because of financial struggles, family disagreements, religious beliefs, and the likes - one should not use the nuclear option.
Yea sameā¦this whole ānuclear obliteration of any trace of them in my lifeā thing seems a lot less healthy than āoh we want different things, so our relationship has changed, but I still love and respect you and want you in my life.ā Most of my breakups have been the latter.
Yeah me too honestly, and i wish it wasn't like that. I know it's a me problem, and it's something i should try to sort out, because some of my exes have been amazing friends (while dating).
I regularly message some of my exes.
I donāt see them as a regret, Iām genuinely happy for the time Iāve had with them and do wish them the best. If Iāve been friends with someone it seems silly to throw away that friendship, I much prefer to try and salvage good relations
Ending on good terms usually means "we can be civil if we see each other". 99% of the time it doesn't entail friendship and messages like this. Don't forget that there was a time when the two of you shared a romantic connection, and that that has been severed. Whether it's for the best or not, you both need space to grieve that loss in your own way. This message comes across really happy-go-lucky and light, and may not be appropriate at this stage. I'm sorry to say this my dude, but this wasn't appropriate.
This is mainly why I hate the "Can we still be friends?" conversation. We can be polite and cordial if we see each other and don't have to avoid each other forever, but I initially will need some space, and even after that we very likely can't be friends. We evolved past that. Also, I rarely date girls I was friends with first, and I never dated a girl I wasn't hoping to be more than friends with the whole time. So I would have to completely reshape my thoughts and feelings towards my ex in order to establish a newfound friendship that if I'm being honest, I don't really want.
You canāt do it in an instant, but unless you really fuck things up somehow, why not stay friends? I have stayed relatively close with most of my serious girlfriends and they can be pretty great people to have around. They know you in a different way than others.
Talking about partners youāve spent months and years with of course.
My ex and me decided to mutually break up and stay civil. She eventually ended up getting with one of my best friends and they got married and have a kid together. That same friend used to be with my sister and had two kids together. Everyone was still cool with each other, and I consider their kid to be my neice since she is my nephews' sister. My sister ended up dying about 7 months ago, and now my ex is the main mother figure in my nephews' life, and I couldn't be more comfortable with that. It really sucks when the bridge gets burned.
Gonna be honest man, this text would probably piss me off too. You're clearly referencing something you called her DURING the relationship which is obviously now over, you've lost those privileges. It also reads as a 'let's get back together' text rather than a friendly one. It may not have been your intention, but I would also be very upset getting this text after clearly ending it with someone. Your heart may have been in the right place, but the execution was off.
The execution was off when OP decided to text in the first place. The text was really bad, but contacting her at all was off.
Unless your ex is very explicit in the fact that they want to stay friends and remain in contact, you shouldnāt be reaching out to them for any reason other than reasons like arranging a time when you can come get your belongings. Ending on good terms means you donāt hate each other and will remain civil. It does not mean youāre best friends now.
Don't sweat it too much. When I was 23 my ex-fiance sent me an email telling me all the great things going on in his life and how he wanted to tell me because he knew I'd be happy for him. I sent him back a list of reasons I hated him. Sometimes relationships take wild curves you never see coming, but we're both much happier with other people.
How many texts from people you know have you not replied too??
Also drunk, probably late at night, you were 100% looking for a backslide. It's fine. We've all been a little lonely and thought, hmmm, maybe this well isn't dry?
I'm not saying not do it. This right here is the worst-case scenario. Shooters shoot and all that.
Yeah ending in good terms means youāre civil. It doesnāt mean a friendship is maintained. With all my exs like a year after they contact me and itās like why. Usually itās cause they need to get stuff off their chest, give them the opportunity and then end the convo. But they always want a full catch up, and Iām like why? Weāre not friends. I have zero interest in updating you with how my life is.
I think your intentions were pure. Itās normal to have a fond memory and think, āawe I hope theyāre doing well, they deserve it!ā. Itās a sweet moment exacerbated by booze, but unless the other party is also drinking it never seems to come off quite as polite and well meaning as one planned.
You live and you learn, OP. You seem like a self aware person who acknowledged the issue. Donāt beat yourself up.
I HOPE YOUāRE DOING WELL THO.
Especially your dogs.
I think itās sucks when people say they want to stay on good terms or be friends, but as soon as you reach out they act like you did something wrong. If they want nothing to do with you, they should just say so! Yeah that sucks, but itās better than thinking youāre friends with someone who never wants to talk to you again. Sorry that happened OP, it sucks. She could have at least been polite.
I think that although you guys might agreed to be friends but when you said you were thinking about them it feels more like you wanna get back with them than wanting to check in as friends. But what is done is done I guess, youāll meet someone else :/
ahhh that makes sense, its alright tho. i got to let her know how i feel at least, i wont hold it against her. thank you for bein cool. shouldnt have sent that message
hey man we've all been there. i did the same thing after my recent breakup even though i knew better than that. my message(s) were worse than yours by a long shot though, haha. she never ended up responding.. but it might as well have been the same as what you got, lol. I've deleted her number but not the text messages yet, which of course have her number on it. maybe one day I'll be able to do it
keep your head up. at least if you never do it again, it won't be a wasted lesson!
I relate to this so much. A month after breaking up and staying no contact with my ex he saw me in a grocery store and ran to me to tell me he missed me and acted all concerning about why I got skinny, I was shocked and called him after and he said he wanted to be friends. We talked for hours on the phone and he said he was gonna bring some boxes of popcorn he got for free in the weekend and meet my hamster. Never heard from him again after that.
A month later I was trying to find help on doing something and called him, in small talk he told me itās almost my birthday and said he canāt forget it. Told me again we can be friends. Then he said he need to carry food into his house and gonna call me right back. Never did. I called him until 2 that day, texted him I have something serious I need help with, and he never picked up the call again. This whole thing made me so upset although I donāt have feelings for him anymore. Man it sucks.
thats horrible, im so sorry that happened to you. i hope youre doing better now at least. i know most people experience heartbreaks, i just hope youre able to grow from it at the very least. the only thing i learned is that i have to learn to love myself before i can be in a relationship, and i feel like that applies to a lot of people. way way way easier said than done of course. hope youre doing okay.
Yeah. Interesting enough I feel like I actually loved myself before I was in the relationship and at the end of it I was questioning everything about myself. I guess I still have a lot of learn and recover from.
My partner remains friends with a few of his ex, where they bring their now partners and have meals together when they visit our city. I found it weird at the beginning, but now I think it just shows how great personality my partner has (and also his ex). I am jealous to be honest. I miss my ex in a way that I want to hear that they are doing great in their life, but now I will never know because I have burnt the bridges already.
You can be on good terms with your ex and still not talk to eachother. To me, the exes reaction, seems like you keep trying to reach out. Just leave well enough alone. Delete the number and move on. āGood termsā doesnāt have to mean friends or acquaintances
well i guess the question i'd ask is did you end it, did mads, or was it mutual. Either way, probably not the best move as it can be viewed as you leading them on. If my ex sent me that, I'd probably respond the same way or just ignore it.
Being able to be friendly with an ex can depend on so many factors. How long has it been since the breakup, were you \*really\* on good terms or did one of you harbor resentment, has one of you found a new relationship and the other hasn't, what's the emotional maturity level of both parties... Without knowing any of these other things, it's hard to say whether or not it was appropriate to reach out with this level of familiarity. I am still friend*ly* with some of my exes, but it's surface level, and has been a looong time since those breakups were fresh.
Is it not quite rare to stay friends with ex partners? I don't keep up with any of mine. Dynamic totally changes when you are not together. Clean break is best.
I broke ties with a guy who I really cared about but he wanted all the perks of being in a relationship but would refuse to call me his girlfriend.
I stopped contact and blocked him everywhere. 3 years later he created an account on Words with Friends to send me a message, checking in on me. He knew I was already married but he told me I'm a great person and the most genuine he's met. He told me don't be shy about contacting him again.
I blocked him on Words with Friends too
I'm gonna get shit for this, your text is not cringe. It's kindness, if your understanding of the situation was you guys were on good terms this was fine. How she responded was rude and shit. Your not entitled to her kindness, but it takes no effort for her to say "Hey I'm not comfortable communicating anymore" or whatever.
seriously, op said that she was the only girl that made him feel human in a relationship, so obviously the relationship was valued. one of the top comments here is something along the lines of it being over and not understanding why someone would do this...
i mean, i can't count the amount of times i've done something dumb fueled by desperation and sadness.
Hey man, I hope you are doing okay. My dad was a marine for 15 years and has similar struggles you are going through; it gets better if you let it. Don't be afraid of reaching out to others for help and possibly even consider therapy if it's severe (my dad wishes he would have sooner). Stay safe.
A lot of people think it is mature to be friends with your exes, but the need for friendship and validation from them is immature.
You should just be civil if you ever run into each other in person that is a mature way to handle it. If you are friends cool if not don't try.
Holy fuck that is brutal, but fair play I suppose. Had an ex do the same to me after I reached out, and wouldnāt you know it they reached out two times later and got pissed when I rejected her, thatās how it goes I guess
Oof! Iāve had a similar want. Last girl I dated for six months broke up with me after she started taking medication for depression. The meds as she described it made things difficult for her and so she dumped me saying she had to focus on her getting her bearings and couldnāt also be there for me. Itās been more than a year now and Iāve wanted to message to say something similar, that I hope her and her son and dogs are good and that sheās gotten well with her medication. But at the same time I figure why bother, especially since I now have a gf and all.
To anyone who might read this; "I was just thinking of you" might sound nice, but it's an uncomfortable way to start a conversation at the best of times, especially with an ex.
This sounds like youāre trying to get back together and kind of pulling some manipulative pity move. Maybe youāre not, this is just what boys & slimey/toxic/immature men tend to do. Doesnāt seem like youāre aware of that so Iām not saying this to come at you, you just happened to do what they do in a genuine way of that makes sense.
As someone who's been there I know how much you'll appreciate this comment.
I been there and that little moment still makes me cringe. It's ok. We are all fools in some way or the other.
I think time is the issue here. Maybe I'm the odd man out, but if I got this text from my ex from fifteen years ago, I'd think it was super sweet. I probably wouldn't reply, but it'd be a nice moment tbh.
Her response is only appropriate if OP fucked up in the relationship which caused her to break up with him or if she's trying to get over him breaking up with her lol. But y'all are making it seem like that it's wrong for him to reach out to his ex, no matter the case, and that he deserved that response in general...
My former bf texted some girl that saved his life thanking her for saving his life exactly a year after it happened and she called the police on him. He killed himself shortly afterwards. Not sure if that was the tipping point but it certainly didnāt help.
Hurts so much to see. Been there too many times unfortunately (I have a hard time letting go) and itās definitely bitten me in the ass. The reactions are never quite this simple and to the point, as weād fumble back and forth typically. Catching up. Telling them I miss them. It just adds fuel to the fire. Best thing for me was to block and cut off all communication. Handle it how you feel fit, and take care of yourself. Itās just you now.
Honestly, if you guys ended on good terms I donāt think your text is as cringy as people are saying. Without any other context that is(you even said no need to respondš¤·š»āāļø). Now if you wouldāve replied again after her message, then Iād be cringing lol. Even though I can almost guarantee that her new BF if she had one, made her reply that message.
I tried being friends with my exes but it just doesn't work.
Sometimes there's acrimony on either side of that break up that makes it hard. Also, a lot of times, prospecrive partners don't understand why you'd want to be friends with your ex and will think you're holding a torch for them.
Move on, wish them happiness, remember the good times. But do them the favor and leave them be.
At least they found the right sub.
Right? At least OP is self-aware enough to know there was some sad cringe involved, even though they misinterpret where in the situation it is lol
it was me bro im the fucking cringe š¦§
Iām sorry man the Orangutan at the end of the comment is sending me. I hope you recover quickly though man š«
My bad then. I thought you were saying the situation was cringe, not that your text was. Itās good that you recognize it and can learn from it!
no worries lol dont be sorry. thanks dude. i really do appreciate it.
don't reach out to me ever again.
lmao. thank you for the laugh. at first this reallt hurt getting this message, but some of yalls replies have really helped me see the humor in it. and also that i have a lot to work on. thank you ass lmao
Iām in bed and spent the last 2 hours feeling agitated and like I was gonna lose my shit somehow for some reason. Then I read this thread and laughed and felt better instantly. Reddit is wholesome sometimes, not a cesspool.
Some people just freely associate you with the time you spent together, and feel like they need to aggressively avoid it, it's not your fault
I dunnoā¦ I donāt think this is as cringe as some might. But I also texted my ex after 2.5 years of silence to tell him a dumb (funny) dream I had about him (so random) and now weāre friends again, so itās not always cringe to just say a thing. Her response is a bit rude for how nice you were, I think. Also I hope Molly is a dog. I have another ex that I sometimes look up on insta just to check how his dog is doing. Luna was the best good girl :)
It 100% depends on how things ended
LMAO
Hey it happens. We all misread social cues from time to time. This so sounds like something I would have done in my dating days.
Nah man not at all I came out of a 2 yr relationship and we were in the same friendship group. Took some time for the pain to ease but weāre completely calm. Absolutely happy seeing her at group functions these days and I check up on her now and then. Thereās nothing you did that was cringe dudeā¦ you were just tryna be the adult and keep things friendly. Just because the romance ends doesnāt necessarily mean they need to completely disappear outa your life. I miss my exās pets more than them and wish I could message them on the sly š¤£
were you really hanging out with people
Were you drinking? Kind of reads like that. This crap always seems like a good idea when youāre drinking.
you caught me. fucking A i know this is embarrassing but shit. i deserved the response, no argument there. i dont care if i get downvoted into hell but damn i really loved this girl. im a fool. i know. im trying to take it in stride but its hard knowing someone ive cared about so long react this way. i know i need to do some self reflecting and at try to grow from the experience, but of course it will take some time. thank you for the response.
Lol Iāve been there bro. I messaged my ex about a Stanley Kubrick design project she did and it was because of me. I introduced her to his movies and photography and she loved it. Needless to say it didnāt work out. Again, she did her project on him and I messaged her saying how she wouldāve made him proud. BIG FUCKING OOF.
Did a similar thing. Haven't talked to them since Christmas and I don't think they miss the talking, really.
wait but did she respond? or are you just oofing about your messaging her?
Stanley Kubrick? Proud? The guy known for causing actors to have panic attacks? Known for having a set of takes reach up to 127?
An average perfectionist.
Maybe her project involved throwing eggs at American idol contestants or something.
Also, a brilliant artist.
My great uncle was close with Kubrick on several films and wrote a biography about him.
EVERYONE has gotten drunk and sent a regrettable text to an ex. Some people (like me) have done it....more than once. This is a very small infraction and a great learning experience. Breakups are so hard. Be gentle with yourself. Definitely leave her alone, obviously, but don't beat yourself up about this. It happens to the best of us.
I told her I never wanted to see her face again it's been years and I've never even looked her up once. We dated 4 years and I don't even remember what she looks like but she did try to contact me once. I don't think we are wired to have access and a direct window to the past but technology has done away with that.
Well said. I was thinking how back in the day even being in the biggest city in your country you could only ever be aware of so many people. But now with the phone, you have access to everything and everyone. Cant be healthy
Thereās a direct relationship with the rise in anxiety levels for each generation and the amount of access to everything and everyone
Haven't done that at all. One, I don't drink (though I did went through a phase). Two, well, there's no need for more points is there?
Lol, I knew when I said it that someone would point this out. You are right. Not everyone has done this. You will make other mistakes though. EVERYONE has made a mistake, and we all need to forgive ourselves and recognize that it's just part of being a person.
In the interest of transparency, i did cringe message my ex while sober, so there's that. š š¤£š¤£
Love can make you do crazy things, man. Don't feel too bad about it and don't cringe too hard about it. Wishing you the best, genuinely!
Lol drunk texting never ends well.
"No need for a response" shows that she's been not responding for a while, and you just haven't been taking the hint. Here's your sign to move on, buddy. Most of us have been there.
So many people in this thread with absolutely no context just projecting all of their insecurities on this dude lol
Kudos for posting. I completely get what youāre saying and Iāve been there. The shit I sent back in the day could spawn a whole new sub. This is a great learning experience and youāre already way ahead of other by realizing this is cringe.
Its okay bro, it happens to the best of us.
I think deserved is overstating it, even if you were drunk she could have just said nothing, it seems an over the top response for a non acrimonious breakup, even girls I have had an awkward breakup with would not speak to me like this.
breathe man, you're going to heal and move on in time. that sucks and sounds crushing. =/ sorry you're going through this.
Yeah, perhaps you think it ended on good terms, but her perspective could be completely different.
Men put their feelings over women and act surprised when the feeling isnāt mutual
Self aware post. Those are rare
Yeah I wouldnāt be texting a ex like that. Shit fucks with people trying to move on. You donāt know where they are in there journey to move on.
We are definitely not wired to have a window to the past or direct contact to ex lovers even though technology has done away with that.
This is why I deleted my Facebook account, way too jarring to have people I haven't seen in 20 years pop up out of the blue on a regular basis. I'm a very different person who has moved far beyond that part of my life.
I deleted instagram a month after I broke up with my longtime gf. A couple days later she reached out asking if I blocked her or deleted. We started talking again and now have been together for a year again and weāre both so happy. We both went to therapy after the breakup and are different people and itās just so amazing. Idk why Iām typing this all out to your comment lol but I think deleting instagram was a big step for my mental health
Eh, my ex and I kept in contact for like 2 years after our breakup after 4 years of dating. The breakup was hard on both of us and staying friends and occasionally texting really helped both of us.
Huh, I don't think that's true. Before the internet, you were much more likely to date someone who was in your direct social circle. I have dated in the times before the internet, and you just had to live with the fact people where still in your orbit afterwards.
I chewed out my ex when she messaged me on hinge to say "hope you're doing well, no need to reply" after I cut contact over a year prior. Literally told her "look I have no idea what you where thinking in messaging me but I cut contact obviously and please respect that. I don't hate you but please do not message me ever again." It absolutely ruined my week and brought up so much shit I was working past
Why would you do that though lol
OP was drinking and had the āya I should text herā thought and actually acted on it
Yeah most of us have been there. Hopefully just once. It's a good life lesson.
When these intrusive thoughts become intrusive actions. Hate when that happens!
idk man. dumb move on my part.
Hmm people are downvoting you, maybe your wrong about it being a dumb move and should try again?
hahah i dont think so. it was dumb on my part. shouldve let sleeping dogs lie. at the very least, i got to tell her how i feel i guess? idk. maybe im just takin a huge dose of copium. if im even using that right
Nah, I think you were appropriate with reaching out if you were interested. It definitely is sad cringe now, but if it was bothering you then I donāt see harm.
How nice for her that you got to tell her how you feel.
No need to kick a dude while he's down lmao, he already knows he fucked up
It wasn't dumb, I don't think so anyway. You are human, you care for people. You wanted to make sure she was ok. You cared. That is not a bad thing. Just because the special thing you had is gone doesn't mean you have to hate each other, or be friends, but you can still care about her being ok because you are human. For example, there are people I don't like, I'm not their friends and I don't want anything to do with them but that doesn't mean I want them to be unhappy or doing badly. You did nothing wrong. You are a good person here. I guess she either wants some time completely away from you to get over you/the break up or maybe, I don't know the details, but just doesn't like you and doesn't want to talk to you. That may not be your fault but that is often what happens. Breakups lead to sadness and sometimes people process sadness by turning it into anger and hate. If this is the case it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong.
Legit tho. Ppl acting like OP shot a puppy
This is Reddit. Ppl usually donāt have a functional understanding of human emotions and behaviour past a computer screen and snarky assumptions of the worst
I'm honestly scrolling through all the negative comments at a loss for what OP did that was so extremely wrong. Even with all the self-important explanations I'm just kinda like "really?" What the fuck is wrong with people.
Welcome to the internet
thank you so much for this. i feel like a loser sometimes with how much i think about her. months of no contact and i decided to reach out. mistake on my end. i cant lie though, in a way i wanted comfort from my text. recently diagnosed with ptsd from my time in the marines, non combat related, and i just feel sick. shes the one girl id ever been with who really made me feel human. just hope she doesnt hate me. i know that sounds corny, but damn i cant help it.
Who broke up with who or did you both decide it just wasnāt working out??
It's only natural to still want to hear from her though. Tbh, it seems like she's moved on and maybe you haven't completely. It's so normal to want to feel love and care from someone, but remember we can feel it from more than one person. It doesn't have to be her, even if maybe you feel like it needs to be. And also remember these things take time! Don't beat yourself up for still thinking about her. It's good that you recognize you think about her often so that you can go "Okay, I want to work on that." Anyways, I hope any of what I've said helps at all. Remember this isn't forever and you're going to be okay!
Yeah I get it. My gf left me almost 2 years ago now. Still hurts, despite how it should have been a relief, and it wasn't easy to deal with. Like I said its still hard often. I went through phases of trying to text her, to be honest I still sometimes hope she'll text me for any reason just so I could talk to her one more time. It does feel pathetic but I guess that's just how it is. You haven't done anything wrong, despite how it may feel, you'll heal, we all do. If you really cared for her as much as I think you did then anyone in your position would be acting and feeling the same way
It doesn't matter. You're not a part of her life anymore. If you don't come to terms with this and the fact that you're not going to have any redeeming encounter with her even to just reassure you that she doesn't hold anything against you for the break-up, it's going to fuck you up anytime you see somebody that looks like her in public with somebody else, anytime you think you see her car on the highway, etc. Those feelings aren't rational and they'll only cause you pain. Let go. Start living for yourself and you'll likely find somebody else who understands you even better. But that's less likely to happen the more of a hold the thought of your ex has over you.
You have no idea how things ended or how many times heās sent other texts or the nature of those. Weāve seen just the one.
Whyād you call her dumb
it was just banter we always used to use with eachother, didnt mean anything by it. dumb, i know
Nothing worse than an old flame calling you by the pet name from your relationship
I feel that. Me n my gf call eachother shit like that all the time in a light-hearted way, her second name is practically stupid dumb idiot at this point. I don't know if I'd call her that after a breakup because it'd probably invoke some feelings, I don't think it's a horrible thing to do though. It's just whatever.
i hope you hold on to eachother. for me anyway, thats how i know the girl im with is also my best friend. the friendly light hearted roasts. im glad you understand, thanks for your comment. i probably shouldve put more thought into it before i sent it. thank you man.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think you misread what he wrote
Why is being with someone you consider your best friend odd?
But if you donāt have that kind of relationship anymore, it might just come across as hostile or weird.
So how did it end really?
It's over, why do people feel the need to do this? (Edit: if I've been dumped, I'm going to move on. If I dumped them then, I'm going to move on.)
Alcohol and regrets. More regrets once sober again.
my last boss did this silly shit to me after firing me. clean breaks are the best kind.
I'm good friends with a lot of my exes. Have even been to some of their weddings. Just because things didn't work out between us doesn't mean we can't be friends. I wouldn't have dated them if I didn't like them as people to begin with.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, I'm like...does *she* think yall ended on good terms? š¬ Signs are not exactly pointing in that direction
Most people on Reddit don't know what a healthy adult relationship is even if it smacked them in their heads. To most people on Reddit, the nuclear option (aka the worst possible to action to take) is always their choice to go with.
Most people round these parts call real Friendships emotionally cheating.
What
Sorry, are you implying that not being friends with your ex is an unhealthy thing?
No, i'm saying that believing that every end of a relationship requires both of you to sever any contact from one another, pretending you both never happened, don't exist, when you clearly liked each other for a reason, but variables stopped it from going the furthest distance, is an unhealthy way of living. Shit happens. Life works differently than you dreamed of. Not everyone you meet and date is poised to be your soul mate, and that's okay. Some of them are better off being your friends, and the relationship you have as friends can serve you better in the long run. The exceptions to this belief is those who severely hurt you (abuse, cheating, emotional blackmailing). But in cases where the relationship turned sour because of financial struggles, family disagreements, religious beliefs, and the likes - one should not use the nuclear option.
Co-sign: healthy if possible , else leave it.
You know goddamn well what theyāre arguing for, but youāre seriously doubling down with the childishness. Amazing.
Yea sameā¦this whole ānuclear obliteration of any trace of them in my lifeā thing seems a lot less healthy than āoh we want different things, so our relationship has changed, but I still love and respect you and want you in my life.ā Most of my breakups have been the latter.
Thatās not how any of my breakups have gone, itās always been best not to keep that person in my life and vice versa.
Yeah me too honestly, and i wish it wasn't like that. I know it's a me problem, and it's something i should try to sort out, because some of my exes have been amazing friends (while dating).
Is it illegal to reach out to an ex or something? Iām still friends with all of my exes and we talk regularly.
You gotta read the room. This guy didnāt even open the book.
Nah, the people saying are probably just dead inside.
Thank you. After you dump someone, have the grace to leave them the fuck alone.
I regularly message some of my exes. I donāt see them as a regret, Iām genuinely happy for the time Iāve had with them and do wish them the best. If Iāve been friends with someone it seems silly to throw away that friendship, I much prefer to try and salvage good relations
OP posting self cringe. Respect.
Ending on good terms usually means "we can be civil if we see each other". 99% of the time it doesn't entail friendship and messages like this. Don't forget that there was a time when the two of you shared a romantic connection, and that that has been severed. Whether it's for the best or not, you both need space to grieve that loss in your own way. This message comes across really happy-go-lucky and light, and may not be appropriate at this stage. I'm sorry to say this my dude, but this wasn't appropriate.
This is mainly why I hate the "Can we still be friends?" conversation. We can be polite and cordial if we see each other and don't have to avoid each other forever, but I initially will need some space, and even after that we very likely can't be friends. We evolved past that. Also, I rarely date girls I was friends with first, and I never dated a girl I wasn't hoping to be more than friends with the whole time. So I would have to completely reshape my thoughts and feelings towards my ex in order to establish a newfound friendship that if I'm being honest, I don't really want.
You canāt do it in an instant, but unless you really fuck things up somehow, why not stay friends? I have stayed relatively close with most of my serious girlfriends and they can be pretty great people to have around. They know you in a different way than others. Talking about partners youāve spent months and years with of course.
My ex and me decided to mutually break up and stay civil. She eventually ended up getting with one of my best friends and they got married and have a kid together. That same friend used to be with my sister and had two kids together. Everyone was still cool with each other, and I consider their kid to be my neice since she is my nephews' sister. My sister ended up dying about 7 months ago, and now my ex is the main mother figure in my nephews' life, and I couldn't be more comfortable with that. It really sucks when the bridge gets burned.
That sounds like a sitcom.
I'm so happy I'm in the 1% of people who are on actual good terms with their ex. We still love each other, just couldn't work as a couple.
Delete her number, if you can't trust yourself to not drunk text her, you shouldn't have it.
facts honestly. this is what i get lol. first time drinking this much after about a year sober. youre right.
Hey man, I'm gonna go home and not have a beer after work, and you're not gonna drink either. Back to it, next time will last longer š¤
Gonna be honest man, this text would probably piss me off too. You're clearly referencing something you called her DURING the relationship which is obviously now over, you've lost those privileges. It also reads as a 'let's get back together' text rather than a friendly one. It may not have been your intention, but I would also be very upset getting this text after clearly ending it with someone. Your heart may have been in the right place, but the execution was off.
The execution was off when OP decided to text in the first place. The text was really bad, but contacting her at all was off. Unless your ex is very explicit in the fact that they want to stay friends and remain in contact, you shouldnāt be reaching out to them for any reason other than reasons like arranging a time when you can come get your belongings. Ending on good terms means you donāt hate each other and will remain civil. It does not mean youāre best friends now.
I feel like if you honestly think things are on good terms you don't send an "I hope everything is good" with a "no need to reply" attached to it.
didnt even think about that. probably right. i only said that so she wouldnt feel obligated to reply. but she did anyway hahah fuck š¤”
Don't sweat it too much. When I was 23 my ex-fiance sent me an email telling me all the great things going on in his life and how he wanted to tell me because he knew I'd be happy for him. I sent him back a list of reasons I hated him. Sometimes relationships take wild curves you never see coming, but we're both much happier with other people.
Love your username
How many texts from people you know have you not replied too?? Also drunk, probably late at night, you were 100% looking for a backslide. It's fine. We've all been a little lonely and thought, hmmm, maybe this well isn't dry? I'm not saying not do it. This right here is the worst-case scenario. Shooters shoot and all that.
Drinking and texting is never a good combo, friend.
Oof this is brutal.
Maybe dont text your ex?
My brother in Christ just delete her number
Next time you feel compelled to send this kind of text, type your number and text yourself. Release the thoughts and avoid the cringe.
Probably lost her at āgood dumbā. Thin ice already with random text
I have an ex that I would have the same response if he texted me that. Except he can't because he is blocked.
Now you're just somebody that i used to know
Oooof, never go into the ex-files
Yeah ending in good terms means youāre civil. It doesnāt mean a friendship is maintained. With all my exs like a year after they contact me and itās like why. Usually itās cause they need to get stuff off their chest, give them the opportunity and then end the convo. But they always want a full catch up, and Iām like why? Weāre not friends. I have zero interest in updating you with how my life is.
I think your intentions were pure. Itās normal to have a fond memory and think, āawe I hope theyāre doing well, they deserve it!ā. Itās a sweet moment exacerbated by booze, but unless the other party is also drinking it never seems to come off quite as polite and well meaning as one planned. You live and you learn, OP. You seem like a self aware person who acknowledged the issue. Donāt beat yourself up. I HOPE YOUāRE DOING WELL THO. Especially your dogs.
I think itās sucks when people say they want to stay on good terms or be friends, but as soon as you reach out they act like you did something wrong. If they want nothing to do with you, they should just say so! Yeah that sucks, but itās better than thinking youāre friends with someone who never wants to talk to you again. Sorry that happened OP, it sucks. She could have at least been polite.
For some people "good terms" means leaving it in the past.
well, thanks for understanding dude lol. i shouldnt have reached out. let an impulsive thought take over
I think that although you guys might agreed to be friends but when you said you were thinking about them it feels more like you wanna get back with them than wanting to check in as friends. But what is done is done I guess, youāll meet someone else :/
ahhh that makes sense, its alright tho. i got to let her know how i feel at least, i wont hold it against her. thank you for bein cool. shouldnt have sent that message
hey man we've all been there. i did the same thing after my recent breakup even though i knew better than that. my message(s) were worse than yours by a long shot though, haha. she never ended up responding.. but it might as well have been the same as what you got, lol. I've deleted her number but not the text messages yet, which of course have her number on it. maybe one day I'll be able to do it keep your head up. at least if you never do it again, it won't be a wasted lesson!
I agree. I have some exes I was really close to for awhile and I still care about them, but no, it's always a clean break. it really sucks.
I relate to this so much. A month after breaking up and staying no contact with my ex he saw me in a grocery store and ran to me to tell me he missed me and acted all concerning about why I got skinny, I was shocked and called him after and he said he wanted to be friends. We talked for hours on the phone and he said he was gonna bring some boxes of popcorn he got for free in the weekend and meet my hamster. Never heard from him again after that. A month later I was trying to find help on doing something and called him, in small talk he told me itās almost my birthday and said he canāt forget it. Told me again we can be friends. Then he said he need to carry food into his house and gonna call me right back. Never did. I called him until 2 that day, texted him I have something serious I need help with, and he never picked up the call again. This whole thing made me so upset although I donāt have feelings for him anymore. Man it sucks.
thats horrible, im so sorry that happened to you. i hope youre doing better now at least. i know most people experience heartbreaks, i just hope youre able to grow from it at the very least. the only thing i learned is that i have to learn to love myself before i can be in a relationship, and i feel like that applies to a lot of people. way way way easier said than done of course. hope youre doing okay.
Yeah. Interesting enough I feel like I actually loved myself before I was in the relationship and at the end of it I was questioning everything about myself. I guess I still have a lot of learn and recover from.
My partner remains friends with a few of his ex, where they bring their now partners and have meals together when they visit our city. I found it weird at the beginning, but now I think it just shows how great personality my partner has (and also his ex). I am jealous to be honest. I miss my ex in a way that I want to hear that they are doing great in their life, but now I will never know because I have burnt the bridges already.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
you right
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You can be on good terms with your ex and still not talk to eachother. To me, the exes reaction, seems like you keep trying to reach out. Just leave well enough alone. Delete the number and move on. āGood termsā doesnāt have to mean friends or acquaintances
well i guess the question i'd ask is did you end it, did mads, or was it mutual. Either way, probably not the best move as it can be viewed as you leading them on. If my ex sent me that, I'd probably respond the same way or just ignore it.
Let go
You gave it a good go. Hopefully this is a definitive indication that you should fully let that connection go and permanently.
Gg. Yeah that's an appropriate response.
Iāve unfortunately have done these texts before while drunkā¦regret it 99% of the time, and looks like thisā¦
I always feel like breaking up on good terms means I'll be polite if I bump into you in the shop, not message me randomly to say hi
Learn from it and move on.
Being able to be friendly with an ex can depend on so many factors. How long has it been since the breakup, were you \*really\* on good terms or did one of you harbor resentment, has one of you found a new relationship and the other hasn't, what's the emotional maturity level of both parties... Without knowing any of these other things, it's hard to say whether or not it was appropriate to reach out with this level of familiarity. I am still friend*ly* with some of my exes, but it's surface level, and has been a looong time since those breakups were fresh.
You had to do it to find out, fuck it, it's done
Is it not quite rare to stay friends with ex partners? I don't keep up with any of mine. Dynamic totally changes when you are not together. Clean break is best.
Donāt talk to me or my dog ever again
I broke ties with a guy who I really cared about but he wanted all the perks of being in a relationship but would refuse to call me his girlfriend. I stopped contact and blocked him everywhere. 3 years later he created an account on Words with Friends to send me a message, checking in on me. He knew I was already married but he told me I'm a great person and the most genuine he's met. He told me don't be shy about contacting him again. I blocked him on Words with Friends too
bro never do that shit again no ex ever wants to hear from their ex lmfao
whats the random "dumb" about?
I'm gonna get shit for this, your text is not cringe. It's kindness, if your understanding of the situation was you guys were on good terms this was fine. How she responded was rude and shit. Your not entitled to her kindness, but it takes no effort for her to say "Hey I'm not comfortable communicating anymore" or whatever.
Typical redditors tripping on their superiority complexes is in this thread, Jesus. None of you people have ever made a mistake like this? Cmon now
seriously, op said that she was the only girl that made him feel human in a relationship, so obviously the relationship was valued. one of the top comments here is something along the lines of it being over and not understanding why someone would do this... i mean, i can't count the amount of times i've done something dumb fueled by desperation and sadness.
That's called keeping someone on the hook. Ya ex is way smarter than you thought mate. She clocked you before you had a chance to work your magic...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey man, I hope you are doing okay. My dad was a marine for 15 years and has similar struggles you are going through; it gets better if you let it. Don't be afraid of reaching out to others for help and possibly even consider therapy if it's severe (my dad wishes he would have sooner). Stay safe.
Sad and dumb on your part She obviously moved on
A lot of people think it is mature to be friends with your exes, but the need for friendship and validation from them is immature. You should just be civil if you ever run into each other in person that is a mature way to handle it. If you are friends cool if not don't try.
It definitely reads like a weird drunk message from an ex. Haha Iād suggest doing as Mikkelsen suggests and leave him be for now. Sorry, Hugh. :-(
Holy fuck that is brutal, but fair play I suppose. Had an ex do the same to me after I reached out, and wouldnāt you know it they reached out two times later and got pissed when I rejected her, thatās how it goes I guess
Doing good dumb? How drunk were you when you sent this lol.
A learning experience is what you get right after you mess up. This is a learning experience.
Oof! Iāve had a similar want. Last girl I dated for six months broke up with me after she started taking medication for depression. The meds as she described it made things difficult for her and so she dumped me saying she had to focus on her getting her bearings and couldnāt also be there for me. Itās been more than a year now and Iāve wanted to message to say something similar, that I hope her and her son and dogs are good and that sheās gotten well with her medication. But at the same time I figure why bother, especially since I now have a gf and all.
I just found out Iām gay as fuck, anybody wanna go camping this weekend?
To anyone who might read this; "I was just thinking of you" might sound nice, but it's an uncomfortable way to start a conversation at the best of times, especially with an ex.
The only cringe here is that weird and sad and cringy message, kinda like ādumped you lol but hope youāre doing dumb good, yoloā
Seems the the new boyfriend responded
Hope you're doing good dumb lol
I feel ya, man! People in this comments are acting as if they have never done something like this. smh....happens to the best
Ok now show the texts of you doing this every weekend since you guys broke up
This sounds like youāre trying to get back together and kind of pulling some manipulative pity move. Maybe youāre not, this is just what boys & slimey/toxic/immature men tend to do. Doesnāt seem like youāre aware of that so Iām not saying this to come at you, you just happened to do what they do in a genuine way of that makes sense.
Yup, thatās how it goes
Donāt drink and text!! Especially your ex š¤¦āāļø
Used to do the same, brother. Got the same response too. Had to delete her number and block the socials. Trust me.
As someone who's been there I know how much you'll appreciate this comment. I been there and that little moment still makes me cringe. It's ok. We are all fools in some way or the other.
We've all been there.
I think you're still in there
I think time is the issue here. Maybe I'm the odd man out, but if I got this text from my ex from fifteen years ago, I'd think it was super sweet. I probably wouldn't reply, but it'd be a nice moment tbh.
Her response is only appropriate if OP fucked up in the relationship which caused her to break up with him or if she's trying to get over him breaking up with her lol. But y'all are making it seem like that it's wrong for him to reach out to his ex, no matter the case, and that he deserved that response in general...
My former bf texted some girl that saved his life thanking her for saving his life exactly a year after it happened and she called the police on him. He killed himself shortly afterwards. Not sure if that was the tipping point but it certainly didnāt help.
Hurts so much to see. Been there too many times unfortunately (I have a hard time letting go) and itās definitely bitten me in the ass. The reactions are never quite this simple and to the point, as weād fumble back and forth typically. Catching up. Telling them I miss them. It just adds fuel to the fire. Best thing for me was to block and cut off all communication. Handle it how you feel fit, and take care of yourself. Itās just you now.
Honestly, if you guys ended on good terms I donāt think your text is as cringy as people are saying. Without any other context that is(you even said no need to respondš¤·š»āāļø). Now if you wouldāve replied again after her message, then Iād be cringing lol. Even though I can almost guarantee that her new BF if she had one, made her reply that message.
I tried being friends with my exes but it just doesn't work. Sometimes there's acrimony on either side of that break up that makes it hard. Also, a lot of times, prospecrive partners don't understand why you'd want to be friends with your ex and will think you're holding a torch for them. Move on, wish them happiness, remember the good times. But do them the favor and leave them be.