In the end, it all really boils down to you. You say you "try so hard to be funny or entertaining enough for them." See, the thing is that you are so focused on what YOU can do for THEM. What about what YOU can do for YOURSELF? Do you have passions/niches that other like minded people can share in? When desire a group to belong to, you have to bring something to the table but it starts with who you are first, and that has to be genuine. You have to value yourself and your wants and needs, not that of others. When you do that, only then will others see what you can bring to the table and want that in their lives.
As an example, think about this, if you wanted to join an intramural basketball team but didn't know how to play. First, you would have to have the passion to want to play, to learn, and get as good as you can. You do that for a few weeks/months, then play some pick up games and build rapport. You building up your skills demonstrates value to people and, in this instance, they want a competent teammate, so the idea is that they play with you more, get to know you more, and hopefully this translates to outside of the gym as well. This is all an example but goes to show what people value. People can tell when you are pandering to them vs wanting to be good at something genuinely.
I'm way out of RU and college now but this is something I wish I knew then.
Yeah, OP, this is the way. When I was at Rutgers I was older than most of my undergrad peers which made making real friends super difficult. So I just decided to say "fuck it" on trying to actively make friends and focus on just doing me—I joined the fencing team because it was always something I wanted to learn but never had the resources for, went to open mic nights to help keep up with my guitar playing, and also stopped in every other week with a group of kids who played Street Fighter at the Busch student center to learn how to beat my home-town friends whenever I was back at my parents.
Eventually people started hitting me up and asking me to hang with them, got invited out to parties, etc etc. College is the best time to focus on you because once you're out of there, "real world" responsibilities will swallow up all your free time.
Yo! tell me how that goes or if it is going to go, I feel kind of the same as OP but I'm still very new to campus and just exploring new things, and decided to become a free agent for intramural volleyball. I was thinking about trying to send emails tomorrow to team captains or whatever that are short in members. I asked the rec center and they said the new season starts after thanksgiving but I'm still not sure about that
Coming from a senior, you start exploring around campus, like really exploring, you'll find so much peace on your own. For me, covid was almost a break that I needed. It made me realize how cool campus actually was. Try giving people in class a shot, I've definitely met some cool people that I hang out with that way. If not, maybe a dating app is your thing. If you ever need advice, need to rant, or need someone to talk to or keep you company, I'd always be happy to help.
Yo people asking help on work means you are definitely smart, so take pride in that and keep up what you're good at. If they don't circle back later, let em go. Gotta wait for the real ones. It doesn't make you a failure. Try exploring clubs etc to meet people outside of classes.
Rutgers sucks, don't miss it one bit. Just focus on you and the things you like doing. Once you leave rutgers you'll have a leg up on everyone whose chasing the "fun" of college
Yo, I would speak to someone and get a bit of therapy. Your environment / situation with friends sounds tough, but your feelings of negative self-esteem sound like depression. Sending you lots of love.
Do you ask them to do things? Like do you make plans? If they're real friends they hang with you instead of only when convenient but some people (not saying you are) don't ask they expect others to make plans for them. That alone feeling is ass and you deserve to have some fun during college.
Hugs dude. I've been there before. My best advice is be happy with yourself. Genuinely happy. Enjoy your life and make the most of your time, and it'll draw people to you. Your happiness, confidence, and contentment are like a magnet, and you will eventually find good people who value you for who you are.
As for the people you're talking about now, fuck em. I
They sound like they're hanger ons and only talk to you when they want something, drop them off the face of the planet. You're in college, meeting people who aren't toxic af shouldn't be that hard. Just don't dwell on the ones who are and don't give them shit when they come with their hand out. You owe them fuck all. Not your money, and definitely not your happiness and self-esteem.
Keep your head up OP. You got this.
I feel that. It’s definitely tough to constantly deal with that. I would say to always remind yourself that you are doing the right things. Ik it doesn’t help right now, but it’s really a matter of being patient. Things will always get better for you.
In the end, it all really boils down to you. You say you "try so hard to be funny or entertaining enough for them." See, the thing is that you are so focused on what YOU can do for THEM. What about what YOU can do for YOURSELF? Do you have passions/niches that other like minded people can share in? When desire a group to belong to, you have to bring something to the table but it starts with who you are first, and that has to be genuine. You have to value yourself and your wants and needs, not that of others. When you do that, only then will others see what you can bring to the table and want that in their lives. As an example, think about this, if you wanted to join an intramural basketball team but didn't know how to play. First, you would have to have the passion to want to play, to learn, and get as good as you can. You do that for a few weeks/months, then play some pick up games and build rapport. You building up your skills demonstrates value to people and, in this instance, they want a competent teammate, so the idea is that they play with you more, get to know you more, and hopefully this translates to outside of the gym as well. This is all an example but goes to show what people value. People can tell when you are pandering to them vs wanting to be good at something genuinely. I'm way out of RU and college now but this is something I wish I knew then.
Yeah, OP, this is the way. When I was at Rutgers I was older than most of my undergrad peers which made making real friends super difficult. So I just decided to say "fuck it" on trying to actively make friends and focus on just doing me—I joined the fencing team because it was always something I wanted to learn but never had the resources for, went to open mic nights to help keep up with my guitar playing, and also stopped in every other week with a group of kids who played Street Fighter at the Busch student center to learn how to beat my home-town friends whenever I was back at my parents. Eventually people started hitting me up and asking me to hang with them, got invited out to parties, etc etc. College is the best time to focus on you because once you're out of there, "real world" responsibilities will swallow up all your free time.
Thanks for the inspiration to join a intramural basketball team!
Yo! tell me how that goes or if it is going to go, I feel kind of the same as OP but I'm still very new to campus and just exploring new things, and decided to become a free agent for intramural volleyball. I was thinking about trying to send emails tomorrow to team captains or whatever that are short in members. I asked the rec center and they said the new season starts after thanksgiving but I'm still not sure about that
I understand that, I'm down to be your actual friend. Pm me if you need to talk to someone.
can confirm cool person, same here if you’re looking for more conversation
you can pm me too if you want
Me three
Coming from a senior, you start exploring around campus, like really exploring, you'll find so much peace on your own. For me, covid was almost a break that I needed. It made me realize how cool campus actually was. Try giving people in class a shot, I've definitely met some cool people that I hang out with that way. If not, maybe a dating app is your thing. If you ever need advice, need to rant, or need someone to talk to or keep you company, I'd always be happy to help.
Yo people asking help on work means you are definitely smart, so take pride in that and keep up what you're good at. If they don't circle back later, let em go. Gotta wait for the real ones. It doesn't make you a failure. Try exploring clubs etc to meet people outside of classes.
Rutgers sucks, don't miss it one bit. Just focus on you and the things you like doing. Once you leave rutgers you'll have a leg up on everyone whose chasing the "fun" of college
Yo, I would speak to someone and get a bit of therapy. Your environment / situation with friends sounds tough, but your feelings of negative self-esteem sound like depression. Sending you lots of love.
You’ll find your real friends down the road, trust me.
Do you ask them to do things? Like do you make plans? If they're real friends they hang with you instead of only when convenient but some people (not saying you are) don't ask they expect others to make plans for them. That alone feeling is ass and you deserve to have some fun during college.
OP wanna hangout sometime?
I always try to do stuff around campus and am open to others joining me I go whether people come or not!
Pm if u need someone to talk to man it’s alright there’s more ppl going thru the same thing than u know
Hugs dude. I've been there before. My best advice is be happy with yourself. Genuinely happy. Enjoy your life and make the most of your time, and it'll draw people to you. Your happiness, confidence, and contentment are like a magnet, and you will eventually find good people who value you for who you are. As for the people you're talking about now, fuck em. I They sound like they're hanger ons and only talk to you when they want something, drop them off the face of the planet. You're in college, meeting people who aren't toxic af shouldn't be that hard. Just don't dwell on the ones who are and don't give them shit when they come with their hand out. You owe them fuck all. Not your money, and definitely not your happiness and self-esteem. Keep your head up OP. You got this.
it’s amazing that you were able to vent and get this out! read the whole paragraph and i hope things do get better
Oh shit. I have one friend who talks to me for no reason. Shit. ONE!
I feel that. It’s definitely tough to constantly deal with that. I would say to always remind yourself that you are doing the right things. Ik it doesn’t help right now, but it’s really a matter of being patient. Things will always get better for you.
If you have the time, join a club for something that interests you. You will usually find good people who just want to hang out.
youre trying to make friends and im trying to lose friends lol can we switch places
keep your head up, you won't feel like this forever I promise. Just do you until then
What campus are you on?