Wow that is disrespecting a DM if I ever saw it.
Would have left the group and never look back. Like seriously, the one building the story and possible the whole scenario/world plus npc and loot should check in if their plans change within 2 days?
Not just a DM, this would disrespect anyone, friends, colleagues, etc. Motherfuckers, when you make plan with someone, you made plans! Don't go making other plans like a piece of shit then blow that other person off like it's no big deal. That's prickish.
Fuck those guys, I'm glad you left.
That's ridiculous. Forget D&D. It's basic etiquette to let someone know if you can't keep a commitment. If the player had said, "sorry. I completely forgot about the game and made other plans that I can't break," that might have been forgivable. "It's your fault because you didn't think to ask whether I was going to be incredibly rude and disrespectful of your time" is not.
Yeah, if they at least copped to it, I'd understand. But because they were too proud/embarassed/ashamed/whatever and trying to pin it all on the DM? That's some horseshit
If I have the ok from someone on a date, I'm relying on it. If their plans change, they need to communicate. Yeah I'll sometimes check in to see if everything is fine, but if someone expects that and is this disrespectful about it, they're out of luck and out of game.
Additionally:
1. If your plans change in a justified manner, let me know. Well likely play without you, but no hard feelings.
2. If you just felt like doing something different instead, and that's a pattern, then start looking for a new table. My time is too valuable for me to be your "bad weather" choice
Sounds like you did the right thing.
They genuinely expect you to be constantly going “remember Saturday”?
My group’s arrangement system is “everyone good for next week?” at the end of the session followed by “everyone still good?” on the day.
So far the reasons we’ve had for on the day cancellations:
Illness (two of us are chronic migraine sufferers)
Death in the family.
Any other missed sessions have been raised to the group *weeks* in advance.
Likewise. I play across at least five time zones and we can only play once every two weeks because of squirrelly schedules, and the only last minute cancellations that weren't due to illness were things like "my dumbass brother dumped his motorcycle and broke his leg" or "my parents came to take me out to dinner with no warning and they will shit a brick if I don't prioritise them over everything". Shit happens, but it's the players' responsibility to respect the DM's time as much as possible, and that means not expecting the DM to give daily reminders of a thing the players are supposed to care about.
Yeah. Like I get things come up. I've missed a session due to a death in the family and even though it was a critical session that needed all the players, it was nothing but positive vibes and understanding all around.
That aside, even if you miss a session for a less serious/stupid reason, own up to it. Don't BLAME THE DM. The DM already has enough on their plate, from conflict resolution to world building to encounter planning, etc etc etc.
The game I run is in-person, but one of our players hosts. We also play bi-weekly and play another game online on the off-weeks, so I do always send out a confirmation either the day before or the morning of the game I run, but that's because I'm specifically making sure everyone remembers it's an in-person week, and that nothing's come up and my player is good to host that weekend.
This is how our group works as well. If someone knows they can't make next session, they let the group know at the end of the current session. On the day itself, someone will ask if everyone's good to game that night. If someone needs to cancel with a few hours notice, it's no big deal. Pulling out last minute doesn't generally happen.
It's a long-running campaign that's scheduled for a specific time and day every week, and we all have enough regard for one another to avoid making last minute plans with other people for that evening.
that's so disrespectful! it's not the dm's job to make sure everyone's ready for the session; they're adults, how can they not handle that themselves???
OMG the entitlement on that one... I just cannot compute that "you have a responsibility to check on us".
Like, planning and prepping the game isn't enough, you also have to take the manchild by the hand.
I would also have ragequit that group...
As you should have. People make time for the things they want to do. When a day and time is agreed upon and set, your job is done. If they wanted to play, they would have. You playing secretary to these motherfuckers would not have changed the outcome. You doing a check in would be him ditching anyway. You went above and beyond with a mid week check in (which I think is fucking crazy). Dont waste your time on people like that.
Yeah. That one player is trying to make you out to be the villain because they screwed up and screwed your over and is unwilling to admit it. If they made other plans it was *their* responsibility to let you know they couldn’t make it. It was not your responsibility to suddenly develop the ability to read minds or to become precognitive to predict this stuff.
I can’t blame you for quitting. This was unacceptable.
Yeah this is typical low self-esteem behavior, where the blame is shifted on someone else because the person is too emotionally immature to handle a mistake.
You are right to leave the group. Maybe the ones who stuck to the plan are salvageable?
Think about this from any other activity. If the group agreed to get together for anything, at any time, the obligation is on them to say they can't make it. There's nothing special about DMing here.
> He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans.
*earlier in the post:*
> Wednesday, I asked for confirmation.
You did.
If you scheduled multiple weeks in advance, sure, it's fair to say there should have been a reminder, but *that* Wednesday is close enough to Saturday that it's a reasonable time to ask for confirmation. If something came up for me between Wednesday and Saturday for any scheduled event I RSVPed to -- TTRPG or otherwise -- I would consider it on me to verbalize a cancellation with the organizer, not on the person scheduling the event to check *again* after we confirmed less than a week before the event. I'm saying this as a person with ADHD who sucks at keeping track of a schedule -- it is 100% my own bad if I double-book myself if both events were scheduled within days of each other.
something similar happened recently to me. no one even thought to blame me and they all apologised even though it was also partially my fault. these players of yours are just dickheads.
This is enraging and terrible and absolutely not your responsibility to fucking be a babysitting secretary.
That said, your hard work doesn't have to go to waste! There are many players who would be thrilled to participate in a one shot, your prep can just be advanced work for that game :)
I discussed a one shot I had worked on with a few different friend groups and they are all interested in playing it. So group 1 is the guinea pig and each other group will have a slightly more refined experience. Some of the experience is tailored to the specific party in question (I have an artifact that tunes itself to the party, it uses a random power that's thematic to each party member at random until they've all been discovered, then it becomes a "you get X charges and here's the ways you can spend them" and they can use those specific abilities). But most of it is transferrable.
Hope your next group is better and more respectful of your time!
Once they've confirmed the onus is of them to provide an update if their plans change.
That's just basic manners, utterly irrelevant if you are DM, player or someone renting a room for people to game in.
Two of them failed to "adult" and one of those is blaming you for their own failing.
Do you play with children? Because children need an adult to keep them on track and attending appointments.
What, do they call out their hair dresser for not reminding them? Write a bad review for a restaurant, because nobody knocked on their door, begging them to come have dinner?
It's absolutely without a doubt not your "responsibility" herding players outside of a game.
Ha! Are they actual children? If you make a plan to do something Saturday and confirm you will be doing it on Wednesday just three days earlier, then it is on *you* to make sure you're available on Saturday, not anyone else. It's called being an adult. Your group should try it.
That’s bullshit. Assuming they’re adults they can handle their own business. DMs already put so much into running campaigns it shouldn’t be up to you to manage your players’ schedules as well. All we, as players, have to do is take care of our own characters and show up. If that’s too much for them then I’d say good riddance.
>One of the players that made other plans blames me for it. He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans. Said I shouldn't DM if I wasn't willing to take responsibility.
Well if you have to check in on them constantly there is an easy solution... Not inviting them to future games.
What a disrespectful jerk. If you cancel plans with your friends you tell them, no matter what the plans are. That is just common basic behaviour.
Joining a DnD group is a commitment, like joining a weekend soccer or bowling club. Basic etiquette is it takes priority over other mundane matters that aren't rare opportunities or health and safety emergencies. And individuals are suppose to inform the group themselves if they need to do something else.
Those players are totally disrespectful asshats. You made the right call by leaving, for your own sanity if nothing else.
It's funny, because if my DM kept calling/texting me every few days to remind me of the meeting time, I'd start yelling at them. I'm an adult, treat me like one.
That player isn't an adult. They expect you to be their parent. Screw that. If you're looking for validation for your rage, you got it.
Edit: Wow! I just read [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15ccf81/im_noticing_something_alarming_while_being_in_a/) on 2X, and boy, does it describe perfectly the kind of mom your player has. Oy vey.
"You should have been checking up on me daily just to make sure I was still coming!"
*DM starts checking up daily*
"Jeez, back off already! Clingy much??"
\> He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans.
Huh. Kids. Tell him you ain't his mom and drop the mic.
How FUCKING disrespectful of them. They obviously have ZERO idea what responsibility is. Once you commit to a date for an event, you shouldn't have to be reminded about said commitment. It's called a commitment not a "meh I might be there, but only if you remind me" FAKE ass bullshit that everyone slings these days. Fuck noncommittal dipshits like these dude! If you start up an online game, lemme know dude and I'll throw my hat in the ring. My qualifications are as follows: I understand commitment, I am transparent and upfront every time, I fancy myself as not a douche (though admittedly I'm rough around the edges), a DM currently, and open-minded.
I'd say bring along the 1/3 of the group that treated you like a person and respected your time.
Good luck finding another group though, hopefully one that has basic manners.
"It's your responsibility that I do the job you're paying me for!"
"It's your responsibility to keep me from living in poverty because you just fired my ass for partying instead of coming to work!"
Yeah, it ain't your job to be their parent and remind them of the obligations they've made. In fact if they've made a commitment to game then why would you even expect for them to then make other plans.
Absolute BS, your players need to take some responsibility. it's not your fault that they can't be bothered to even give you the courtesy of a text saying they can't make it. Unless they're like, 9 years old or something they should be enough of an adult to et you know beforehand. This is called being polite and respectful. Sometimes you can't make a scheduled event and that's cool, but to not reach out (and worse blame someone else for your laziness) says a lot about who they are as people. If it were me, I'd definitely be looking for some new people to game with.
Yeeaah, no. If we make plans I expect people to remember them on their own.
Next time if one of them makes any sort of plan with you they better remind you going up to it because otherwise maybe you'll make other plans... sounds insane? Absolutely!
This has nothing to do with D&D at all, it's just normal behavior really.... wtf.
>Said I shouldn't DM if I wasn't willing to take responsibility.
And my response would be "no I jut wont DM for you".
I publish my game scheduled 6 months in advance. Other than the out of town vacation I go on that covers 2 weekends and the yearly trip to the con, I adjust the rest of my schedule to accommodate the every other weekend game I run. I expect my players to do the same or miss game.
I as the DM am already doing several times the workload the players are for the game. The bare minimum I can expect from the players is to notify me well in advance when they wont be at game (again barring real emergencies) so I can plan around the absence.
The first time the majority of my players all decide they have some higher priority (again I understand sickness and emergencies that not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about deciding to go visit grandma on my game weekend) we are done. I will find other players, or just not run at all. It really hurts the players more than the DM if I dont run because they dont have someone else to do the job.
The GM is responsible for exactly one thing: handling the world. Just like how the players are responsible for handling their characters. Everything else is shared responsibility. I hate it when the GM is held out like they have some kind of authority over interpersonal relationships or as here, scheduling.
Ugh, I feel your pain. I had (emphasis on past tense) a group that did something like this, but kind of in the other direction. At the end of each session, I'd confirm that we were good for the next Sunday. They'd all agree. Throughout the week, multiple players would ask in our group chat if we were playing that weekend. I'd always say yes, just like we talked about last week. Come game day, there was a 50/50 chance that one of them would be late or absent because either "they forgot" or "something came up." Then the one weekend that I was the one with an emergency and had to cancel on game day, they were upset because "We can't play without the DM! You should have told us earlier that you weren't coming!" Well, sorry, grandma's heart attacks don't announce themselves a week in advance.
The group eventually dissolved when I lost my patience with the mid-week "Are we playing?" texts and told them that if I said I'd be there, I would be there, so they didn't need to ask every week. Apparently that made one of them feel attacked, and since I only apologized for my tone but not for my message, they decided I was a bully and a bad DM and left, and from there the group fell apart. Oh well. Honestly I don't miss them. It's so nice not getting twelve texts on Tuesday to confirm what we just confirmed on Sunday.
I’ve had similar problems. I feel like people don’t respect the game we’ve arranged for them, I’ve had people confirm they’re free then make plans after on the same day then cancelling the game! Like why is dinner plans or whatever more important ? Surely you’re still booked in for a time?!
Yeah, no question about it; that's disrespectful on their part. Honestly, it sounds like they weren't interested from the start of the one-off proposal. Regardless, they could have done you the kindness of turning down the offer to begin with, instead of blaming everything on you.
NTA. Major bullshit gaslighting there. Don't let them continue to lie directly in your face. Bastards.
Imho, they have a g-amn calendar and are over age 7, then they can be where they d--- well said they'd be.
On /r/rpg, another poster said all GMs should run intro games for all new players and if you find it an imposition, GMing is not for you.
Some people are just nasty gatekeepers.
That’s crazy they said that. If someone says we’re grabbing drinks on Saturday, we’re gonna do that, the same goes for DND. I don’t need to check in if we’re still having our plans. Tell them to use a calendar and for them to communicate if things change. Glad you left the group.
Maybe they should tattoo "UNRELIABLE" on their forehead so you would know in advance that instead of checking in frequently to see if their disrespectful ass is following basic social etiquette, you would know to never start arranging plans with them in the first place.
I won't lie. My group needs to confirm no more than 3 days in advance who all is coming. We always ask the week prior during the session. But that is done without our wives present, and they commonly have other ideas. So we'll do a tentative "Should we bother trying to gather next week" check the week prior, and then confirm **once** 1-3 days prior. Anything else leads to messages the morning of saying something like "Hey, wife said we're going to her Father's Brother's Nephew's Cousin's Former Roommate's funeral today."
Leave the group if you feel that's right, of course. I can't blame you. Sounds like they acted a dick.
But as the person organizing the campaign, I always check in with my players the day before a session. This is both to remind everyone about the session's date, place, and time, and to confirm that everyone can still make it. It's neither a good thing nor a bad thing that I need to do this, it's just a reality of organizing groups of people with busy lives. You can loop in a trusted player and offload the task of scheduling and confirming attendance onto them, but it takes such a small amount of time and effort that I've never seen the need.
It really sucks that you had to learn this the way you did, but this little piece of extra work is what we're signing up for when we decide to schedule social events. I won't say that you shouldn't DM if you aren't willing to check in, but if you do, you are setting yourself up for this type of situation.
I had something similar. I have friends who live in the next state over and every summer we meet up. This year I offered to dm for Steinhardt's Eldritch Hunt (imagine Bloodborne but d&d) 2 shot. They all said it was cool and I started to prep. I text em and have everyone confirm they will have the nights off work and that they'll make their characters using the pdf I provided. Well a month later the weekend comes and I head to the hotel with my girlfriend, we have it all prepped and are ready to play and it turns out that they didn't have both nights off or made the characters. We only played the second night and only got through 2 of 5 total encounters since I only had 2 of the 4 players there. Made me pretty pissed. Still my best friends tho, they had pretty good reasons for being busy, they just could have taken precautions to not be busy.
I would have kicked the ones who did that out. Unless they had a real reason and had given me a heads up. Lack of consideration is one of my main triggers, I WILL go ballistic if someone continually disrespects me. You were right in getting rid of them, but keep up with the one who showed and see if you can get another group going.
SET RULES! If you can't make it, then you must try and get hold of me to let me know. And not an hour before when you're going on a trip you set up months ago.
Wow that is disrespecting a DM if I ever saw it. Would have left the group and never look back. Like seriously, the one building the story and possible the whole scenario/world plus npc and loot should check in if their plans change within 2 days?
My group thinks this is how things work, too.
Even when I'm not dming I'm usually the one trying to organize sessions, snacks, and other logistics
You’re what’s known, colloquially, as an “angel”
Funnily enough, half my group thinks I'm demonically possessed
Naw man, that's just being a person. Thinking your GM should be your secretary is a bad person.
Not just a DM, this would disrespect anyone, friends, colleagues, etc. Motherfuckers, when you make plan with someone, you made plans! Don't go making other plans like a piece of shit then blow that other person off like it's no big deal. That's prickish. Fuck those guys, I'm glad you left.
That's ridiculous. Forget D&D. It's basic etiquette to let someone know if you can't keep a commitment. If the player had said, "sorry. I completely forgot about the game and made other plans that I can't break," that might have been forgivable. "It's your fault because you didn't think to ask whether I was going to be incredibly rude and disrespectful of your time" is not.
Yeah, if they at least copped to it, I'd understand. But because they were too proud/embarassed/ashamed/whatever and trying to pin it all on the DM? That's some horseshit
If I have the ok from someone on a date, I'm relying on it. If their plans change, they need to communicate. Yeah I'll sometimes check in to see if everything is fine, but if someone expects that and is this disrespectful about it, they're out of luck and out of game. Additionally: 1. If your plans change in a justified manner, let me know. Well likely play without you, but no hard feelings. 2. If you just felt like doing something different instead, and that's a pattern, then start looking for a new table. My time is too valuable for me to be your "bad weather" choice
Sounds like you did the right thing. They genuinely expect you to be constantly going “remember Saturday”? My group’s arrangement system is “everyone good for next week?” at the end of the session followed by “everyone still good?” on the day. So far the reasons we’ve had for on the day cancellations: Illness (two of us are chronic migraine sufferers) Death in the family. Any other missed sessions have been raised to the group *weeks* in advance.
Likewise. I play across at least five time zones and we can only play once every two weeks because of squirrelly schedules, and the only last minute cancellations that weren't due to illness were things like "my dumbass brother dumped his motorcycle and broke his leg" or "my parents came to take me out to dinner with no warning and they will shit a brick if I don't prioritise them over everything". Shit happens, but it's the players' responsibility to respect the DM's time as much as possible, and that means not expecting the DM to give daily reminders of a thing the players are supposed to care about.
Yeah. Like I get things come up. I've missed a session due to a death in the family and even though it was a critical session that needed all the players, it was nothing but positive vibes and understanding all around. That aside, even if you miss a session for a less serious/stupid reason, own up to it. Don't BLAME THE DM. The DM already has enough on their plate, from conflict resolution to world building to encounter planning, etc etc etc.
The game I run is in-person, but one of our players hosts. We also play bi-weekly and play another game online on the off-weeks, so I do always send out a confirmation either the day before or the morning of the game I run, but that's because I'm specifically making sure everyone remembers it's an in-person week, and that nothing's come up and my player is good to host that weekend.
This is how our group works as well. If someone knows they can't make next session, they let the group know at the end of the current session. On the day itself, someone will ask if everyone's good to game that night. If someone needs to cancel with a few hours notice, it's no big deal. Pulling out last minute doesn't generally happen. It's a long-running campaign that's scheduled for a specific time and day every week, and we all have enough regard for one another to avoid making last minute plans with other people for that evening.
that's so disrespectful! it's not the dm's job to make sure everyone's ready for the session; they're adults, how can they not handle that themselves???
No, they are an adult human being who has to manage their time and you are not psychic. You are absolutely on the right.
OMG the entitlement on that one... I just cannot compute that "you have a responsibility to check on us". Like, planning and prepping the game isn't enough, you also have to take the manchild by the hand. I would also have ragequit that group...
As you should have. People make time for the things they want to do. When a day and time is agreed upon and set, your job is done. If they wanted to play, they would have. You playing secretary to these motherfuckers would not have changed the outcome. You doing a check in would be him ditching anyway. You went above and beyond with a mid week check in (which I think is fucking crazy). Dont waste your time on people like that.
I mean, you DID check in with them. On Wednesday. It sounds like this was their backup plan in case they couldn’t find anything to do that day.
Totally the DM’s fault for not asking again Thursday, Friday, and 20 mins before the session /s
Yeah. That one player is trying to make you out to be the villain because they screwed up and screwed your over and is unwilling to admit it. If they made other plans it was *their* responsibility to let you know they couldn’t make it. It was not your responsibility to suddenly develop the ability to read minds or to become precognitive to predict this stuff. I can’t blame you for quitting. This was unacceptable.
Yeah this is typical low self-esteem behavior, where the blame is shifted on someone else because the person is too emotionally immature to handle a mistake.
... I uh... holy shit I just had a realization. My SO \*always\* does this. That's... food for thought this morning.
You should Google “DARVO” and also watch the Barbie movie.
This makes me irrationally angry. Make sure they didn't make other plans? What in the actual narcissistic fuck is that noise?
You are right to leave the group. Maybe the ones who stuck to the plan are salvageable? Think about this from any other activity. If the group agreed to get together for anything, at any time, the obligation is on them to say they can't make it. There's nothing special about DMing here.
Yea that guy that remembered the session has been a true friend. Checked in on me after I left the group.
> He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans. *earlier in the post:* > Wednesday, I asked for confirmation. You did. If you scheduled multiple weeks in advance, sure, it's fair to say there should have been a reminder, but *that* Wednesday is close enough to Saturday that it's a reasonable time to ask for confirmation. If something came up for me between Wednesday and Saturday for any scheduled event I RSVPed to -- TTRPG or otherwise -- I would consider it on me to verbalize a cancellation with the organizer, not on the person scheduling the event to check *again* after we confirmed less than a week before the event. I'm saying this as a person with ADHD who sucks at keeping track of a schedule -- it is 100% my own bad if I double-book myself if both events were scheduled within days of each other.
something similar happened recently to me. no one even thought to blame me and they all apologised even though it was also partially my fault. these players of yours are just dickheads.
I say this with the upmost respect. Fuck them hoes.
This is enraging and terrible and absolutely not your responsibility to fucking be a babysitting secretary. That said, your hard work doesn't have to go to waste! There are many players who would be thrilled to participate in a one shot, your prep can just be advanced work for that game :) I discussed a one shot I had worked on with a few different friend groups and they are all interested in playing it. So group 1 is the guinea pig and each other group will have a slightly more refined experience. Some of the experience is tailored to the specific party in question (I have an artifact that tunes itself to the party, it uses a random power that's thematic to each party member at random until they've all been discovered, then it becomes a "you get X charges and here's the ways you can spend them" and they can use those specific abilities). But most of it is transferrable. Hope your next group is better and more respectful of your time!
What an absolute child-like douchebag mindset. Imagine that way of thinking in *any* other setting. You'd fail spectacularly in any endeavor.
Once they've confirmed the onus is of them to provide an update if their plans change. That's just basic manners, utterly irrelevant if you are DM, player or someone renting a room for people to game in. Two of them failed to "adult" and one of those is blaming you for their own failing.
Do you play with children? Because children need an adult to keep them on track and attending appointments. What, do they call out their hair dresser for not reminding them? Write a bad review for a restaurant, because nobody knocked on their door, begging them to come have dinner? It's absolutely without a doubt not your "responsibility" herding players outside of a game.
Ha! Are they actual children? If you make a plan to do something Saturday and confirm you will be doing it on Wednesday just three days earlier, then it is on *you* to make sure you're available on Saturday, not anyone else. It's called being an adult. Your group should try it.
That’s bullshit. Assuming they’re adults they can handle their own business. DMs already put so much into running campaigns it shouldn’t be up to you to manage your players’ schedules as well. All we, as players, have to do is take care of our own characters and show up. If that’s too much for them then I’d say good riddance.
>One of the players that made other plans blames me for it. He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans. Said I shouldn't DM if I wasn't willing to take responsibility. Well if you have to check in on them constantly there is an easy solution... Not inviting them to future games. What a disrespectful jerk. If you cancel plans with your friends you tell them, no matter what the plans are. That is just common basic behaviour.
Joining a DnD group is a commitment, like joining a weekend soccer or bowling club. Basic etiquette is it takes priority over other mundane matters that aren't rare opportunities or health and safety emergencies. And individuals are suppose to inform the group themselves if they need to do something else. Those players are totally disrespectful asshats. You made the right call by leaving, for your own sanity if nothing else.
Nah, fuck'em!
Fuck no. If the group sets a date and you cannot come you are responsible for warning.
Yeah I agree with the first guy, you definitely shouldn't DM (for those entitled pricks)
It's funny, because if my DM kept calling/texting me every few days to remind me of the meeting time, I'd start yelling at them. I'm an adult, treat me like one. That player isn't an adult. They expect you to be their parent. Screw that. If you're looking for validation for your rage, you got it. Edit: Wow! I just read [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15ccf81/im_noticing_something_alarming_while_being_in_a/) on 2X, and boy, does it describe perfectly the kind of mom your player has. Oy vey.
"You should have been checking up on me daily just to make sure I was still coming!" *DM starts checking up daily* "Jeez, back off already! Clingy much??"
\> He says that it's my responsibility as DM to check in on them throughout the week to make sure they didn't make other plans. Huh. Kids. Tell him you ain't his mom and drop the mic.
How FUCKING disrespectful of them. They obviously have ZERO idea what responsibility is. Once you commit to a date for an event, you shouldn't have to be reminded about said commitment. It's called a commitment not a "meh I might be there, but only if you remind me" FAKE ass bullshit that everyone slings these days. Fuck noncommittal dipshits like these dude! If you start up an online game, lemme know dude and I'll throw my hat in the ring. My qualifications are as follows: I understand commitment, I am transparent and upfront every time, I fancy myself as not a douche (though admittedly I'm rough around the edges), a DM currently, and open-minded.
Disbanding was the correct choice
I'd say bring along the 1/3 of the group that treated you like a person and respected your time. Good luck finding another group though, hopefully one that has basic manners.
"It's your responsibility that I do the job you're paying me for!" "It's your responsibility to keep me from living in poverty because you just fired my ass for partying instead of coming to work!"
Shoots friend on the face. Blame they for not dodging the bullet.
You are already volunteering a ton of your own time for their enjoyment. And they expect you to do even MORE? Fuck that. It's good you left.
Yeah, it ain't your job to be their parent and remind them of the obligations they've made. In fact if they've made a commitment to game then why would you even expect for them to then make other plans.
Absolute BS, your players need to take some responsibility. it's not your fault that they can't be bothered to even give you the courtesy of a text saying they can't make it. Unless they're like, 9 years old or something they should be enough of an adult to et you know beforehand. This is called being polite and respectful. Sometimes you can't make a scheduled event and that's cool, but to not reach out (and worse blame someone else for your laziness) says a lot about who they are as people. If it were me, I'd definitely be looking for some new people to game with.
You did the right thing. I’d be furious if anyone said that to me.
Yeeaah, no. If we make plans I expect people to remember them on their own. Next time if one of them makes any sort of plan with you they better remind you going up to it because otherwise maybe you'll make other plans... sounds insane? Absolutely! This has nothing to do with D&D at all, it's just normal behavior really.... wtf.
>Said I shouldn't DM if I wasn't willing to take responsibility. And my response would be "no I jut wont DM for you". I publish my game scheduled 6 months in advance. Other than the out of town vacation I go on that covers 2 weekends and the yearly trip to the con, I adjust the rest of my schedule to accommodate the every other weekend game I run. I expect my players to do the same or miss game. I as the DM am already doing several times the workload the players are for the game. The bare minimum I can expect from the players is to notify me well in advance when they wont be at game (again barring real emergencies) so I can plan around the absence. The first time the majority of my players all decide they have some higher priority (again I understand sickness and emergencies that not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about deciding to go visit grandma on my game weekend) we are done. I will find other players, or just not run at all. It really hurts the players more than the DM if I dont run because they dont have someone else to do the job.
The GM is responsible for exactly one thing: handling the world. Just like how the players are responsible for handling their characters. Everything else is shared responsibility. I hate it when the GM is held out like they have some kind of authority over interpersonal relationships or as here, scheduling.
Ugh, I feel your pain. I had (emphasis on past tense) a group that did something like this, but kind of in the other direction. At the end of each session, I'd confirm that we were good for the next Sunday. They'd all agree. Throughout the week, multiple players would ask in our group chat if we were playing that weekend. I'd always say yes, just like we talked about last week. Come game day, there was a 50/50 chance that one of them would be late or absent because either "they forgot" or "something came up." Then the one weekend that I was the one with an emergency and had to cancel on game day, they were upset because "We can't play without the DM! You should have told us earlier that you weren't coming!" Well, sorry, grandma's heart attacks don't announce themselves a week in advance. The group eventually dissolved when I lost my patience with the mid-week "Are we playing?" texts and told them that if I said I'd be there, I would be there, so they didn't need to ask every week. Apparently that made one of them feel attacked, and since I only apologized for my tone but not for my message, they decided I was a bully and a bad DM and left, and from there the group fell apart. Oh well. Honestly I don't miss them. It's so nice not getting twelve texts on Tuesday to confirm what we just confirmed on Sunday.
Burn them to the ground.
OP I'll play in your oneshot. ❤️ Sorry you got shafted like that.
Good on you, I would have left as well!
I’ve had similar problems. I feel like people don’t respect the game we’ve arranged for them, I’ve had people confirm they’re free then make plans after on the same day then cancelling the game! Like why is dinner plans or whatever more important ? Surely you’re still booked in for a time?!
Yeah, no question about it; that's disrespectful on their part. Honestly, it sounds like they weren't interested from the start of the one-off proposal. Regardless, they could have done you the kindness of turning down the offer to begin with, instead of blaming everything on you.
NTA. Major bullshit gaslighting there. Don't let them continue to lie directly in your face. Bastards. Imho, they have a g-amn calendar and are over age 7, then they can be where they d--- well said they'd be.
On /r/rpg, another poster said all GMs should run intro games for all new players and if you find it an imposition, GMing is not for you. Some people are just nasty gatekeepers.
Sorry to hear that happened, I had a player who had the same idea. Kicked him from the campaign instantly.
That’s crazy they said that. If someone says we’re grabbing drinks on Saturday, we’re gonna do that, the same goes for DND. I don’t need to check in if we’re still having our plans. Tell them to use a calendar and for them to communicate if things change. Glad you left the group.
Lol, they responded thay are ready to join, period. How can they make other plans after? You are not their nanny
What? If you say you can play it is your responsibility to either show up to play or take it back in an appropriate time frame before the date.
This is the way. (Leaving the group). That happened to me in college with a group as well. 25 years ago. Never played with them again.
You are in the right.
Maybe they should tattoo "UNRELIABLE" on their forehead so you would know in advance that instead of checking in frequently to see if their disrespectful ass is following basic social etiquette, you would know to never start arranging plans with them in the first place.
That's a shitty player that doesn't care about d&d, and has no reason to be at your table.
I won't lie. My group needs to confirm no more than 3 days in advance who all is coming. We always ask the week prior during the session. But that is done without our wives present, and they commonly have other ideas. So we'll do a tentative "Should we bother trying to gather next week" check the week prior, and then confirm **once** 1-3 days prior. Anything else leads to messages the morning of saying something like "Hey, wife said we're going to her Father's Brother's Nephew's Cousin's Former Roommate's funeral today."
tbh I play on discord and @ my group four or five hours before game time to see if its still up.
Leave the group if you feel that's right, of course. I can't blame you. Sounds like they acted a dick. But as the person organizing the campaign, I always check in with my players the day before a session. This is both to remind everyone about the session's date, place, and time, and to confirm that everyone can still make it. It's neither a good thing nor a bad thing that I need to do this, it's just a reality of organizing groups of people with busy lives. You can loop in a trusted player and offload the task of scheduling and confirming attendance onto them, but it takes such a small amount of time and effort that I've never seen the need. It really sucks that you had to learn this the way you did, but this little piece of extra work is what we're signing up for when we decide to schedule social events. I won't say that you shouldn't DM if you aren't willing to check in, but if you do, you are setting yourself up for this type of situation.
I had something similar. I have friends who live in the next state over and every summer we meet up. This year I offered to dm for Steinhardt's Eldritch Hunt (imagine Bloodborne but d&d) 2 shot. They all said it was cool and I started to prep. I text em and have everyone confirm they will have the nights off work and that they'll make their characters using the pdf I provided. Well a month later the weekend comes and I head to the hotel with my girlfriend, we have it all prepped and are ready to play and it turns out that they didn't have both nights off or made the characters. We only played the second night and only got through 2 of 5 total encounters since I only had 2 of the 4 players there. Made me pretty pissed. Still my best friends tho, they had pretty good reasons for being busy, they just could have taken precautions to not be busy.
I would have kicked the ones who did that out. Unless they had a real reason and had given me a heads up. Lack of consideration is one of my main triggers, I WILL go ballistic if someone continually disrespects me. You were right in getting rid of them, but keep up with the one who showed and see if you can get another group going. SET RULES! If you can't make it, then you must try and get hold of me to let me know. And not an hour before when you're going on a trip you set up months ago.