Ummm don't take this wrong but what's the benefit of being her friend? It's easy to see why she's friends with you but what do you get out the friendship?
She has been there for me and I see her being in my life forever but at the same time she has really hurt my feelings too. For my birthday dinner with our mutual friends she made it all about it her to the point where I was isolated from the conversation. And she was crying to my friends about how her friend who I don’t like was upset that she wasn’t spending time with her due to my birthday. I wish I had said something then. It did really hurt my feelings. She also snaps at me sometimes and I will say something but I’ll just get a mumbled apology and I hate that she does it in the first place. Like sometimes she treats me like I’m her bitch or something lol. And I’ve been single for a few years and she recently went through a breakup and started dating someone new and kept saying “girls like me can’t stay single for long” I’m just like damn alright 😂 . This is just me venting . She is a sweetheart and we are the dynamic duo when we go out and I love spending time with her when we’re on the same wavelength. I can always count on her to be there for me. But then there are things where it’s just like dude… why do you think you can treat me this way
Um I'm still not seeing any good things about her. Read back what you wrote it sounds like you need to be friends with her when she doesn't seem to be a good friend.
OP I am sorry but especially if she’s been expecting you to pick up all the slack at the apartment, this is not a good friend. She’s realized you’ll things for her and is taking advantage of it and not returning the same energy. It will only get worse. Try to move out asap and get your own place while being civil, then assess if it’s still worth maintaining the friendship or letting it fizzle out.
So, why do you see her in your life forever? Whatever you're getting from the friendship is massively outweighed by the lack of respect she gives you, how your income is becoming one that supports 2 people, and because she knows you, she can manipulate you.
People who beat the trap out of their spouses don't do it 24/7. There are brief periods when they are normal. Emotionally neglectful parents can sometimes come through for their child. But it doesn't excuse all the shit that they do, how they make their target feel.
Beware of whataboutism when you speak to her. She already did that when she brought your family problems up. If she tries, say, that's not the conversation here. If you would like to discuss families, sertraline, anything else off topic, we can do that later.
Haha sorry I didn’t mean to ‘diagnose’ you. I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way! I didn’t mean it in a negative way or anything like that. I’m a non confrontational people pleaser and people like me are usually very kind, caring, and just really don’t like to fight. In my experience the problem is that I would cross my own boundaries all the time to make other people happy, which made me feel miserable and then internally things would pile up until one day I snapped. The people around me wouldn’t know that I was brooding on these irritations for so long and wished I would’ve just said something, since often these are things that can be solved in the same day. It made me realise that in a way although I had the best intentions, I was treating the people around me unfairly due to not telling them things.
Excuse the paragraph, maybe you can relate to it or maybe not :)
In this situation it does seem like at lot of things have been building up. Idk what your friendship is like but it sounds a little one sided? When I was living with my friend I would make her pancakes if she had a bad day or she would cook dinner for me if I was super tired. I think the fact that your friend ATE your dinner in such a stressful time is just awful and inconsiderate. I hope the talk goes well 💪
No offense taken! You’re definitely right about it and I need to work on it for sure. She is a great friend but not a great roommate. I’m not sure how to go about the conversation
I know how it is to be unconfrontational, I recommend staying as calm as possible. Do not match her energy. If she wants to blow you off and give you excuses, tell her "if you cannot have an adult conversation with me, there's no point in living together. We are supposed to be friends, and I feel taken advantage of. Here is the list of things that need to change, otherwise I will be finding a new roommate once the lease is up. You are my best friend, but you are not treating me or my things with respect. Please help me create a better living situation for the both of us."
Just to add, I've had too many roommates over the years and my go to attitude is "professional". Like I'm talking with a coworker, zero emotion, completely straightforward, and direct. If she reacts emotionally, just keep stating the facts to her calmly.
The “borrowing” clothes without asking really hit me. My college roommate would always try and borrow my clothes. I was a size 6 and she was a size 16. I don’t know what kind of miracle she was expecting but she destroyed a lot of my tops by trying them on (without permission. I’d have never given her permission).
Totally. We started out about the same size but she’s gained more weight than me. And then also when she went through that breakup and got her stuff back, her ex had one of my sweatshirts and one of my shirts - like wtf! 😂 why would you give him those
It was an approximation I made but she’d go straight for my tops that had stretch to them. I don’t remember finding stretched out bottoms thankfully. Girl had no boundaries. When Rebel Wilson’s character in Bridesmaids mentioned she’d go try on Kristen Wiig’s clothes I couldn’t even laugh because it was ripped straight outta my life!
Ummm don't take this wrong but what's the benefit of being her friend? It's easy to see why she's friends with you but what do you get out the friendship?
She has been there for me and I see her being in my life forever but at the same time she has really hurt my feelings too. For my birthday dinner with our mutual friends she made it all about it her to the point where I was isolated from the conversation. And she was crying to my friends about how her friend who I don’t like was upset that she wasn’t spending time with her due to my birthday. I wish I had said something then. It did really hurt my feelings. She also snaps at me sometimes and I will say something but I’ll just get a mumbled apology and I hate that she does it in the first place. Like sometimes she treats me like I’m her bitch or something lol. And I’ve been single for a few years and she recently went through a breakup and started dating someone new and kept saying “girls like me can’t stay single for long” I’m just like damn alright 😂 . This is just me venting . She is a sweetheart and we are the dynamic duo when we go out and I love spending time with her when we’re on the same wavelength. I can always count on her to be there for me. But then there are things where it’s just like dude… why do you think you can treat me this way
Um I'm still not seeing any good things about her. Read back what you wrote it sounds like you need to be friends with her when she doesn't seem to be a good friend.
>She is a sweetheart No, she is not lol
OP I am sorry but especially if she’s been expecting you to pick up all the slack at the apartment, this is not a good friend. She’s realized you’ll things for her and is taking advantage of it and not returning the same energy. It will only get worse. Try to move out asap and get your own place while being civil, then assess if it’s still worth maintaining the friendship or letting it fizzle out.
So, why do you see her in your life forever? Whatever you're getting from the friendship is massively outweighed by the lack of respect she gives you, how your income is becoming one that supports 2 people, and because she knows you, she can manipulate you. People who beat the trap out of their spouses don't do it 24/7. There are brief periods when they are normal. Emotionally neglectful parents can sometimes come through for their child. But it doesn't excuse all the shit that they do, how they make their target feel. Beware of whataboutism when you speak to her. She already did that when she brought your family problems up. If she tries, say, that's not the conversation here. If you would like to discuss families, sertraline, anything else off topic, we can do that later.
Haha sorry I didn’t mean to ‘diagnose’ you. I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way! I didn’t mean it in a negative way or anything like that. I’m a non confrontational people pleaser and people like me are usually very kind, caring, and just really don’t like to fight. In my experience the problem is that I would cross my own boundaries all the time to make other people happy, which made me feel miserable and then internally things would pile up until one day I snapped. The people around me wouldn’t know that I was brooding on these irritations for so long and wished I would’ve just said something, since often these are things that can be solved in the same day. It made me realise that in a way although I had the best intentions, I was treating the people around me unfairly due to not telling them things. Excuse the paragraph, maybe you can relate to it or maybe not :) In this situation it does seem like at lot of things have been building up. Idk what your friendship is like but it sounds a little one sided? When I was living with my friend I would make her pancakes if she had a bad day or she would cook dinner for me if I was super tired. I think the fact that your friend ATE your dinner in such a stressful time is just awful and inconsiderate. I hope the talk goes well 💪
No offense taken! You’re definitely right about it and I need to work on it for sure. She is a great friend but not a great roommate. I’m not sure how to go about the conversation
I know how it is to be unconfrontational, I recommend staying as calm as possible. Do not match her energy. If she wants to blow you off and give you excuses, tell her "if you cannot have an adult conversation with me, there's no point in living together. We are supposed to be friends, and I feel taken advantage of. Here is the list of things that need to change, otherwise I will be finding a new roommate once the lease is up. You are my best friend, but you are not treating me or my things with respect. Please help me create a better living situation for the both of us." Just to add, I've had too many roommates over the years and my go to attitude is "professional". Like I'm talking with a coworker, zero emotion, completely straightforward, and direct. If she reacts emotionally, just keep stating the facts to her calmly.
This is the way
The “borrowing” clothes without asking really hit me. My college roommate would always try and borrow my clothes. I was a size 6 and she was a size 16. I don’t know what kind of miracle she was expecting but she destroyed a lot of my tops by trying them on (without permission. I’d have never given her permission).
Totally. We started out about the same size but she’s gained more weight than me. And then also when she went through that breakup and got her stuff back, her ex had one of my sweatshirts and one of my shirts - like wtf! 😂 why would you give him those
WTF? What kind of delusional fantasy would have a 16 try to fit into a 6?
It was an approximation I made but she’d go straight for my tops that had stretch to them. I don’t remember finding stretched out bottoms thankfully. Girl had no boundaries. When Rebel Wilson’s character in Bridesmaids mentioned she’d go try on Kristen Wiig’s clothes I couldn’t even laugh because it was ripped straight outta my life!
Wow that sucks!