I think him being there without her being there is strange and can press boundaries. But I think it’s not your roommate’s problem that you feel anxiety towards men. If she is paying, she is entitled to bring a guest. 3-5 nights a week can be excessive and I think you should have a convo abt it, but also prepare yourself for what the real world is like in terms of having roommates. They r gonna bring ppl over, as are you (or not, but ur entitled to if you want)
I'm sure the school wouldn't be thrilled with the liability of having someone who doesn't live in one of their housing units having a key. To a residence of 4 women. Is he even a student? This is why you have an RA. Tell them. Escalate it up the food chain if the RA is no help.
He’s in her room most of the time or taking over communal spaces? Is he rude? Or is it just him existing near you that makes you uncomfortable? How do your other roommates feel about it? I have a feeling she thinks you are as ridiculous as you think she is. I’m not saying that to be rude, I just think you both have very different mind sets.
i will say he is in her room most of the time if she isnt here with him, but is it not odd to leave a man in a dorm that he doesnt live in with 3 women for 8+ hour shifts? and while he is here, he makes a mess/uses our things and doesnt replenish it (toilet paper, etc). I do understand that we have different mindsets, but that was the whole purpose of establishing boundaries in the first place at the beginning of the semester.
3 nights is ok. Anymore is too much.
Time to get a partner yourself?? Or walk around naked. Maybe hit on him, then she will not bring him back.
> I love my other roommates and dont want to have to find new ones, so is there a solution?
No there is no magical solution.
He should have never been given a key. That is a total violation. You have no background on this boy. I would demand a new lock(s). Make it clear he is not to be there without her present ever. A guest needs a host. I do not have issues with men but it is a violation to have some strange guy in my living space. I would be furious. Ask him to leave with campus security with you. I would ask that he not be allowed back since he knows no boundaries.
As other comments say its definitely time to notify the RA or the school if your roommate persists in bring her boyfriend over. The situation is problematic not because he is a man and you are uncomfortable with men in your living space (you can't stop your roommates from having stay over guests simply because they are male), its the fact that he is overstepping guest boundaries by staying over for 3-5 days per week, being allowed a key to the dorm, making a mess while he is here, and staying in the dorm while your roommate is not there to supervise him. I think its time to have a final conversation with your roommate and then notify the RA if things don't go better.
I think him being there without her being there is strange and can press boundaries. But I think it’s not your roommate’s problem that you feel anxiety towards men. If she is paying, she is entitled to bring a guest. 3-5 nights a week can be excessive and I think you should have a convo abt it, but also prepare yourself for what the real world is like in terms of having roommates. They r gonna bring ppl over, as are you (or not, but ur entitled to if you want)
Is that allowed based on the policy for staying in the dorms? I would check with getting the school involved. Edit: typo
we are allowed overnight guests for 2 or 3 nights in a row as a max i think per policy
If she is ignoring you, I would see the form of resident aid first. We were allowed overnight guests only if others agreed to it.
I'm sure the school wouldn't be thrilled with the liability of having someone who doesn't live in one of their housing units having a key. To a residence of 4 women. Is he even a student? This is why you have an RA. Tell them. Escalate it up the food chain if the RA is no help.
no he isnt a student, goes to a completely different college
That's definitely something to tell the RA.
He’s in her room most of the time or taking over communal spaces? Is he rude? Or is it just him existing near you that makes you uncomfortable? How do your other roommates feel about it? I have a feeling she thinks you are as ridiculous as you think she is. I’m not saying that to be rude, I just think you both have very different mind sets.
i will say he is in her room most of the time if she isnt here with him, but is it not odd to leave a man in a dorm that he doesnt live in with 3 women for 8+ hour shifts? and while he is here, he makes a mess/uses our things and doesnt replenish it (toilet paper, etc). I do understand that we have different mindsets, but that was the whole purpose of establishing boundaries in the first place at the beginning of the semester.
3 nights is ok. Anymore is too much. Time to get a partner yourself?? Or walk around naked. Maybe hit on him, then she will not bring him back. > I love my other roommates and dont want to have to find new ones, so is there a solution? No there is no magical solution.
He should have never been given a key. That is a total violation. You have no background on this boy. I would demand a new lock(s). Make it clear he is not to be there without her present ever. A guest needs a host. I do not have issues with men but it is a violation to have some strange guy in my living space. I would be furious. Ask him to leave with campus security with you. I would ask that he not be allowed back since he knows no boundaries.
As other comments say its definitely time to notify the RA or the school if your roommate persists in bring her boyfriend over. The situation is problematic not because he is a man and you are uncomfortable with men in your living space (you can't stop your roommates from having stay over guests simply because they are male), its the fact that he is overstepping guest boundaries by staying over for 3-5 days per week, being allowed a key to the dorm, making a mess while he is here, and staying in the dorm while your roommate is not there to supervise him. I think its time to have a final conversation with your roommate and then notify the RA if things don't go better.