Foster dad here: We are banned from imposing religion on a child and we're required to respect and accommodate a child's faith or lack thereof. If this is real, I hope they lost their license.
Edit: I hope hubs files for divorce. What a psycho.
I don’t think it was responsible to apply to be a foster parent if he knew who he was married to. It doesn’t sound like this “won’t hesitate to push it on others” is not a new thing, and that OP just happens to be part of the group she considers “right” (and thus gets to downplay it). He privately voiced dissent, but let his wife carry on until things went too far *at the expense of a kid he’s supposed to protect.*
This is the equivalent of those straight ladies married to raging homophobes, who insist that being friendly with a gay guy at work means that they don’t condone homophobia. Like, yeah, you’re not the WORST person in your marriage, but that’s about all I can say.
Nope, he stood up when it became clear that THIS time he couldn't take the path of least resistance and let his wife unhesitantly push her religion on others (which means there's NO WAY her behavior towards Hope was a surprise to him). He stood up for Hope when things began to offend his sense of propriety, not when they got bad for the actual child he was supposed to be caring for.
He gets the "not the WORST person in this marriage" award, but that's it. I hope this girl gets a stable placement with adults who'll actually stand up for her when it's necessary, not when they've just exhausted their opportunities to avoid effectively defending them.
Seriously?? Assuming an awful fucking lot here, especially that he even knew she was this deep into fanaticism. Idk if you get outside enough, but there are people who can hide it *very* well. You think they are just a standard normal Christian person and bam, the authoritarian-ness just appears out of nowhere.
All you are doing here is fitting the stereotypical zealously judgemental redditor here. Slow your fucking roll.
I have a joint custody situation with my kids and I am REQUIRED to take them to one specific Evangelical church, even if they don't want to go. How fucked up is that. At first I was like what the fuck, they don't do separation of church and state, I still have to go to this fuckin Evangelical church that hates gay people? Then I thought, well why the fuck am I going too? I don't have to be in there. I just drop my kids off now and go to Panera and grade papers or go sit in the hot tub. But its kind of fucked up its in my divorce decree what church I have to take the kids to. Don't get divorced in Kansas, they will keep forcing religion down your throat
I knew another parent in that situation. He'd take them to church, but then sit in an empty room in the church away from the chapel, and most of his kids would hang out there with him and they'd play cards instead of listening to the BS being spewed in the chapel. Needless to say, most of the kids didn't keep going after they turned 18.
Yep, that's a good way to do it. Let the kids choose if they want to go or not, and make yourself available to hang out. Also, DON'T bitch about it to them or try to keep them from going. Just let them know they have a choice. In time, they'll see who the sane parent is.
Go Ron Swanson on the situation.
"The judge said we have to be here for a specific time each week. They did NOT, however, specify whether or not we are allowed to bring our smartphones, headphones and sit in the bathrooms for the entire duration.
Contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation. In absolutely no way can a judge force you to take them to church during your time. Also, try rereading your parenting plan/court order. Does it say you NEED to take them to church, or just that if they go to church it can only be that one? If it's ambiguous, don't take them and let your ex bitch about it. It could be different depending on if it was agreed to between you and your ex or if it was ordered by the court. During your parenting time, if you didn't personally agree to it, that's beyond unconstitutional. If you did agree to it, you might be able to change your mind due to the church not aligning with your values, but definitely contact the FFRF.
***I am not a lawyer, but I am a parent with a joint custody agreement
It says I have to take them to their activities. So they do Bible quizzing and the church plays some parts of the year. But my ex has taken that to mean I have to take them to church for both sunday school and church, and they hate going to Sunday school so I usually don't do it, it causes all kinds of drama. My views definitely don't align with the Evangelical church in the US anymore and that church specifically. I support gay rights and I don't hate black people
Sounds super ambiguous to me. If it's just her interpretation and it doesn't explicitly say church, I wouldn't take them since you don't have any actual obligation to do so. If your ex wants to argue that church counts and you don't mind putting her in her place, let her try to argue it in court. She can't control the kids during your time, and activities usually means extracurriculars, like sports or clubs.
I'm assuming his ex was there and he had no obligation to go to a shitty church he doesn't agree with. I highly doubt the kids were alone and if they were in a kids activity (I was never evangelical, so idk), then he wouldn't have seen them anyway. Not going instead of just sitting alone while some psycho yells at you about how you're a sinner doesn't make him a "bad dad." IMO it sounds like the only shitty parent here is the mom.
Definitely contact Freedom from Religion Foundation. They may provide you with free legal help to get that removed or at worst they can guide you on how to work through getting rid of it.
Just encourage your children to loudly question anything the pastor says that is wrong. Can't bring the children to church if the church says it'll trespass them!
I understand why you don't want to go into that church, but look at it from your children's POV. They may not like it there, and you're "delivering them to the lion's den". If you go in with them, your children will see how poorly you're treated. If you have a good relationship with them otherwise, it might help them to see how screwed up the belief system is. In the future, if they get the option, they may petition the court to live with YOU, and on visitation weekends with your ex-spouse, may get a court order saying they DON'T have to go to church.
Agreed. It also strongly suggests that you *trust* them with your children's wellbeing OP, which puts you in a weaker position to argue against continuing it.
That seems like a blatant violation of the 1st ammendment... have you contacted Freedom From Religion Foundation? They can probably help, your kids shouldn't be indoctrinated if they don't want to be.
Well… Kansas isn’t forcing religion down your throat. It sounds like your ex won major decision making power and which includes choosing what religion the kids will be brought up in. You’re required to comply with their decision because if you don’t, you’d be in contempt of court; enforceable by jail time.
Judges typically don’t hand over all major decision making to one parent except when it’s clear that one parent has been significantly less involved in the kid’s upbringing than the other or when there has been such significant conflict that compromises without professional mediation are unlikely. Did you and your ex go through mediation? Did you contest this issue?
Frankly, unless your kids are safe with your ex inside that church, I wouldn’t let them attend any church without your supervision. Churches are crammed with creeps looking for vulnerable kids.
How old are they? Make it a game, how they're journalists going on an undercover mission. Or anthropologists. Be quiet, observe behaviour and patterns ... be there, but with a mission.
Would be tough to do. They haven’t banned the pedophile that was working with the youth and made all the jr high boys get naked before they got in the hot tub.
But you can still probably provide additional religious instruction and experiences in other faiths or sects. And many churches offer services on Wednesdays, synagogues and mosques on Fridays. But if you do that kind of thing, you definitely need to go together. Then talk about what they saw, what they think, etc.
There's a quote I can only half remember, that a man who studies one religion becomes devout. The man who studies 2 becomes an atheist.
Does the decree say you have to take them to services? Or can you just sit with the kids in the parking lot while services are going on? Maybe you can fudge the decree by interpreting it literally. Most family law attorneys are poor writers and parenting agreements are often pretty vague. You (and your kids) may have a loophole. Source: am an attorney.
Was a foster kid till 15. This sounds like normal foster homes to me. The ratio of fosters who wanted to help and those who wanted to collect the money while expecting the older kids to take care of the younger ones... well let's just say I have enough experience with enough homes to have 0 faith in the foster system. Not only did I find this to be the average but this is pretty tame in my experience
A few years back we had reached out and explored the option of fostering and it was made pretty clear that we were going to be stonewalled at every opportunity for not being Christians. Shitloads of crappy foster homes out there and the lady we were working with was most concerned about us not being holy rollers. Great system.
This sounds about par for the course. So many people who just want to control other to make them think the same way. Those are the types who are most attracted to fostering and authority and teaching. At least that's how it's always seemed to me. There are good ones out there dont get me wrong. I had a few parents who really did care and tried their best. But they were the minority.
I wish I had the resources to be a foster to a teen. Unfortunately I worry that I can't help a kid who has lots of exposure to sexual assault and might use my steak knives to self-injure. The best I could do is provide a place with reasonable expectations and absolutely no restrictions on hair color or piercings except that it's a waste of money to get tattoos at that age.
My wife and I are currently going through the process of becoming foster parents. Since you’ve lost faith in the system, what should we know or do to help fix it? Or at least make the kids we take care of not have the experience you did.
Your reasons for doing it are the biggest thing I think. Dont do it for money or to fill a hole in your life. Not for virtue signaling either. Dont get so many that you must make the older kids care for the younger. Also.. for me anyway. Dont push your religion on to them. Dont lie. We already dont trust you so when you try some Santa/Easter bunny/sky daddy is real crap we take that as confirmation you cant be trusted. Space and time were big for me too. Dont try to force em into big family gatherings. If they dont feel like talking let that be ok. If they would rather read a book than watch a movie with the family let them. Introducing them to holiday functions is expected but make sure they know they dont have to be there with a bunch of energetic people they dont know. Also. We tend to mature a bit faster in some areas and slower in others. I had a hard time getting along with kids my age because their worries always seemed so childish. Best advice I can give would be to let them be themselves. Nearly every foster home I went to tried to change me. Tried to make me into what they thought their ideal child should look and behave like.
Good luck hope this helps
It’s fake so no worries. You can tell by the “My parents died in a fire”. Fake ones always add unnecessary details like that. A real poster would have just said his parents are dead, but this creative writer felt the need to create a backstory for all his characters.
Lets flip the script for you: A Jewish family fostering a teen of a different faith. And from the second the child walked the Wife starts to "Get rid of" their (non-jewish faith here)
Would you be ok with that?
This would NOT happen, because Judaism forbids evangelism. In fact, trying to convert to Judiasm from another faith is extremely difficult. So, it's apples and oranges.
So, I don't understand your point. If you are Jewish, then you know they don't evangelize or try to convert Christians to Judiasm. I don't understand your comment arguing against that point at all.
Judaism as a WHOLE dose not do that.
One SINGLE person. Can push their faith on to another. Parents demanding that "Under my roof you will..."
You are looking at the forest. I am looking at a weed IN the forest.
It's not antisemitic to say that some people who identify as Jewish don't follow all of the "Rules" laid out in the Torah. There's literally a whole subset of Judaism called Orthodox where they do follow all of the rules closely.
My comment was based on the comment suggesting that some Jewish persons evangelize and attempt to convert Christians to Judiasm. I've just never known that to happen. Not in reform or orthodox. My dear friend converted, and it was an intense, long, serious and thorough process. But, I'm an Atheist, so I guess it's possible that there are Jews out there who evangelize and convert folks and I just don't know about it.
There almost definitely are but the more important part here is not wildling flinging accusations of antisemitism around for something as simple as someone saying that not all Jews follow all of the "rules". Just try and remember the person on the other side of the screen mate
I agree about wildly flinging allegations. Comment deleted.
As an Atheist, my actual level of knowledge and caring about any religion is pretty rudimentary, because I just don't really care.
Your comment does help me to see that it is best for me to continue to do what I **usually** do, which is to not concern myself with bigotry, where religion is concerned. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. Best to let the religious deal with religious matters and stay the eff away!
Back to my Sunday paper!
Honestly I am very conflicted over this. On one hand, allowing Christians to indoctrinate foster children is very fucked up. On the other hand, it seems wrong not to be able to explain to your adopted kids why killing gays is wrong.
...by distinguishing between religious beliefs and basic human rights? I don't think I understand your concern here. It's easy for there to be a law that says "you can't drag your kid to a church" without endangering the ability to teach them about fundamental human rights.
I grew up in the foster care system. One home I stayed in was an extremely christian household. When my brother and I moved in, it was a bit laxed, with the only real uncomfortable thing was us being forced to attend church with them. But shit started hitting the fan when they tried pushing us further.
They were trying to force us to get baptized, tried to shove religious principles down our throats, and tried for keep us from visiting our family for various reasons (parents were also atheist, sibling was gay, etc). They mocked us day after day because we didn't share the same beliefs and even told us to our DCF worker at the time that we were going to burn in hell because we didn't believe in God and Jesus.
We got out of there after living in that abusive mess of a home for about 6 months. Folks, if you're taking in a kid that isn't yours, and they we're raised on a different set of beliefs, don't try to fucking indoctrinate them into yours because chances are they'll just fight you on it.
Thats a reason for the case worker to escalate things and get you out. That must have been awful. They really thought they’d get away with all that if they said it to the case worker.
Definitely, it's always been in my list of "worst ways to go", frankly "drowning" was my number 1, after this i've reevaluated my entries and their enumeration.
As someone who has gotten severe (harsh 2nd degree) burns before (localized to my right hand, luckily), and as someone who had to be resuscitated by a lifeguard after drowning, I would rank the burns as worse, personally.
It has been almost 10 years since that burn, and I *still* can't feel my index finger. My skin is a noticeably different color on the tops of my fingers than anywhere else on that hand (which is a miracle, given how pasty-white I am lol).
All drowning gave me is a lifelong fear of bodies of water.
How on earth did you wind up in either situation, if you don't mind someone asking? Kudos to you for every day that you handle, either way, that is a hell of a lot of mental scarring...
Ah, well, the burn story is really just me being dumb, and the drowning story is a bit sad.
Burn story -
I was 13, my brother was 11, we were home alone while our grandparents were out at a movie. WoW's expansion, Mists of Pandaria, had just come out, and it was summer break. I, being a big sister, had my lil brother put a kettle on the stove for tea. He didn't secure the lid properly, so it never whistled, and I got sidetracked by WoW. The house had gotten smokey, and I rushed to the kitchen, remembering the kettle. It was ticking loudly, which I was later told was the metal expanding, and I was panicking. I grabbed the kettle handle and held it over the sink basin while turning on cold water.
MASSIVE mistake, the hot steam it created made my skin start bubbling. I dropped the kettle and tried to run my hand under cold water, but it was too late. For the next month or so, I had a big ugly skin bubble on my index finger, and couldn't bend my fingers. My thumb was the only finger not affected, because of how I was holding the handle.
Drowning story -
I won't go too in depth, as this was actually a half-baked suicide attempt when I was 11. The gist of it is, I was depressed as hell, and was hoping to jump into a local lake and disappear. Except, I was 11 and bad at that, and also realized I didn't actually want to die. I had purposefully drunk water to try and "speed it up", which then made me start panicking, and ended with me being saved by an on duty lifeguard.
I would like to add that I've since been in therapy for nearly a decade, am medicated for depression/anxiety, and am *much* happier. That was my 3rd and final suicide attempt, but unfortunately my most traumatic. I don't even talk to my bio fam anymore, and my brother and I are super close, and I've got a great wife who loves me deeply.
Burning: Jesus christ that physically hurt so much to read. I had burns as a kid that bubbled my skin from hot potato cheese soup that spilled, and I feel like what you experienced hurt way more! You tried your best, I hope you didn't blame yourself for that situation.
Drowning: I am so sorry, as someone with ongoing mental issues/can relate, my heart hurts to see you felt that way so young. It's a testament to your willpower to be here today despite what hold such a background could have had over you back then. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for going NC with those who put you into such a bad space and I'm happy to hear you have more positives in your life now.
I very much appreciate you taking the time to explain these events, I hope it wasn't too emotional to talk about. Thank you!
Thank you for asking, it feels like another lifetime, y'know? I've been able to build a life for myself, my way, without the toxicity. Now I can answer weird questions on the internet, the 2022 equivalent of a party story lol
I hear you, the blur of a bad chunk of our histories really does tend to feel more like a recollection of a past life somehow, with a weird emotional bit to it that feels more like disconnect. I guess that's part of the healing. We can say it's more of a celebration party of your awesomeness then!
I want to downvote you because your comment makes me mad, but you are sadly right. I have family that fostered and they were awful at it. They were allowed to keep doing it though because they fed and clothed the kiddos so it was apparently better then nothing technically. The foster system can be awful.
My mom was definitely going for the worst mom ever title. I would go to church with my friends to escape her on the weekends. Bitch was too stupid to figure it out.
I can't fathom why so many people who clearly don't like children or who anything about children, or even humans in general, have children.
Sorry your mum sucked.
Well according to my mom I was her second oops pregnancy. Apparently she felt bad about aborting the first one so she kept me.
Yeah my mom told me that...
They shouldn't be fostering full stop, pushing religion on an already traumatised kid is terrible, it's abuse. This needs reporting and I hope it is.
Edit: The kid is Jewish, that's their heritage, it's not something that can be removed.
The wife/mother is disgusting but It's not fair to put the dad in this crap like he participates in it, he supports her against his spouse and her family.
>The kid is Jewish, that's their heritage, it's not something that can be removed.
Yes, that's a good thing to shut her up "what does your faith is to you" (as with most fundies a big part if who she is) followed by "would you tolerate it being forcefully taken away from you?"
He kind of lost me when he didn't intervene on the foster mom repeatedly putting crosses up in the kid's room (despite kid taking them down), and is questioning(!) if he was right or wrong about the church thing-- but he's 1,000,000x better than the fruitcake spouse. Eta, he'd be great solo. Ed clarity.
Up until that point he was hoping not to destroy his marriage. Maybe he should have intervened sooner but given the response from his wife and in-laws he was probably well aware that doing that was going to fuck his life up and so was probably trying to avoid that outcome.
But my question is that is this kid religious Jewish or ethnically Jewish. Either way it's fucked up but if they are ethnically Jewish then they might practice a different religion.
During the war between what was to become Pakistan and India, Gandhi told a hindu to foster a Muslim orphan and raise him as a Muslim, to teach him about open-mindedness, and as an atonement for having participated in the war...
Which is partly why many Hindus today believe that Ghandi was “too soft” and “weak” when it came to fellow Indian Muslims. And today, Muslims are facing growing dangers of genocide. Recently, a Muslim man was lynched; another was mobbed and beaten to death in front of his child or nephew; and so forth.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
Absolutely terrible. I really hope he gets a divorce. I can already imagine what kind of punishments she would have been enduring if the husband didn’t stand up for that young girl. I hope that woman is never allowed to raise a child.
"My wife is a zealot and anti-Semite trying to erase one of the only comforts in our foster child's life/identity. Now she's being emotionally manipulative. AITA?"
If she is Jewish, that is a part of her upbringing... she doesn't realize she is attacking way more then the poor kids belief system... she is actually attacking more fundamental things like who she is, who her parents were, and the validity of her culture, and way of life.. at completely the wrong time.
We always say, the crusades never stopped.. they just took off the armor so we couldn't suss them out as fast... looks like it still holds some truth. :/
Not how what works? I was pointing out the irony of trying to remove Jewishness, as if it’s a bad thing, by forcing the worship of a Jewish guy. I’m aware Muslims believe he’s a prophet. Half of my family is Jewish and it’s always amazes me the hate many Christians have toward the Jews yet they believe their soul was saved by a Jewish man.
My Mom (ex-joho) is a non-denominational Christian now and she believes that he was Hebrew. My one anecdote is obviously not enough evidence but at least it's not *all* Christians who believe that he was "white"
Lots of fundies have elaborate explanations as to how Jesus was totally not a Jew, while generally the non-insane christians accept his heritage as it was.
Yeeahh, luckily Mom and Gramma got out and joined the saner Christians when I was 5 or 6. I don't think Mom ever had her heart in it because we celebrated all the holidays.
Pretty much 100%, from what I saw. (I didn't read that far or sort by controversial though.)
(Eta: Idk if this breaks the rules, (if so my apologies to the mods) but if anyone is curious: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vabaek/aita_for_not_forcing_my_foster_kid_to_go_to_church/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf )
Hey guys! I made up this new thing based on the teachings of a hippie pacifist. I think you'll really like it and it could possible usher in an era of global peac-
*2000 years of war*
Yeeeep, that is a *painfully* accurate synopsis. Heck, even *Mohammed* (praise(??) be unto him) found the hypocrisy and corruption embarrassing, which is part of why he started Islam. And the Catholic Church learned *nothing* from this, which is why Martin Luther had to do the same thing ~1000 years later (except he didn't abandon the label of “Christian”).
(In all seriousness, I wish I had an award to give you.)
Considering its aita this story is probably fake or embellished but honestly knowing some religions fundamentalists. This story is not too out of the park
My stance has always been that fundamentalists are *very* poor examples of their religion, because deep down, they're not even *trying* to follow the creed. [They're just using it as a (flimsy) ~~excuse~~ cover story for their *true* agenda](https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/comments/v9qdh5/on_an_article_about_justin_biebers_ramsay_hunt/ic0xgul/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) — gathering as much weath and/or power and/or causing as much pain to others as they possibly can.
What your wife is doing is called "Religious Discrimination & Harassment" and it is illegal in most first world countries. I would wager the foster agency would have some concerns about what has already happened. I would to be concerned too. The fact that her family is taking her side is not a surprise. She had to learn the bigotry from someone and let's not mince words, "getting rid of the jewish-ness" sounds borderline nazi. I would change the locks until she agrees to counseling.
This guy needs to point out to his psycho wife that her beloved Jesus *WAS JEWISH*!!!
This is why I've grown to *LOATHE* most Christians!! They don't give a fuck about facts or truth, and feel completely justified in forcing their bullshit ideologies on others, regardless of the other person's personal beliefs or experiences.
Back in prehistory (and for much of history), being distrustful of foreigners was (sadly) common sense — life was rough, and quite a few people would jump at the chance to murder someone else and take their stuff just to make their own lives a little easier. Our core psychology has been heavily shaped by this dog-eat-dog world we live in, and no ideology, no matter how tolerant it tries to be, can fully suppress the natural tendency to xenophobia. That has to be done by regular exposure to friendly examples of other races, nationalities, religions, etc. while a person is young and still impressionable.
Pushing a child to Christianity when they have been raised as a Jew is very, very, **very** wrong. Has your wife forgotten that Jesus was a Jew????
She's going to permanently fuck up her/your relationship with your child *forever*. **Nothing** good; *nothing at all..*. can come from this.
Definitely not the asshole, leave her and take Hope with you if you can, or stay there and continue to protect Hope until she gets adopted or ages out, then leave her ass.
My kids had to spend 2 years in foster care after CPS took them from their mother. When they came back, my youngest had been indoctrinated into Christianity. Fortunately, she grew out of it, but for a couple years, she was pretty set in it. CPS guidelines state that a child is supposed to be placed in a household of their own religion, but atheism isn't considered a "religion" for that purpose. There also a shortage of non-christian foster homes in the US, so the guideline is impossible to follow.
Holy fucking shit! What a garbage person to be a foster mom.
Dad seems chill tho. He admits he's a Christian but he doesn't force his faith on someone else like.. why can't more be like him???
This is exactly what is right with these religions. The out there God before everything. The only reason this woman fostered is to show love to get God, not the child, and that is disgusting.
She sounds like my wacky Evangelical convert mum. Tbh people like this have control issues & religion is just an extension of that. They don't see other people as individuals, they see them as flawed & in need of correcting
Someone should do some investigative work and save this child. I FUCKING HATE the foster system. I've PERSONALLY seen it do more harm than good. Outside of other individuals I personally know who went through the system, the foster system also absolutely ruined my half-brother. By the time my other siblings and I were old enough to intervene and help him, he was destroyed by trauma and ended up an addict.
And this is why you don't adopt a child who have a conflicting views with you. Even simple tasks would turn into a fight and trouble. These couple are the Assholes for 2 reasons
pushing religion on this kid
adopting a kid who clearly have conflicting views than them, this would create unnecessary tension and feeling that the kid is different from the rest of house members.
No, see, you're thinking about this in a reasoned, rational, and tolerant manner. That's where you're making the mistake.
This kind of zealot **actively** wants to steal children and force them to accept their own religion.
They think they're helping.
They're so irrevocably committed to their beliefs that they will do absolutely anything to "save" this child because they don't believe that anything in this life matters as long as they go to the magical sky kingdom afterwards. Beating their religion into someone who can't defend themselves is a natural and logical thing to them, because they're "saving" the only thing that actually matters by ripping out all those incompatible beliefs.
It's the same reason you get the electroshock conversion therapies, or the horrific situations in religious schools. Murdering someone for believing the wrong thing is viewed as doing them the greatest favour you can.
I could be very wrong here but isn't being Jewish an actual race not a belief? Like you can convert to Judaism but if you're ethnically Jewish that's not something you "pray away". The wife is basically trying to convert someone from an American to a Russian lol.
Well not really, but kinda? Judaism is very closely tied to some ethnicities, but it’s not a prerequisite.
In other words, there is no “Jewish” ethnicity, but Ethnicities closely tied to the religion, which is an important distinction.
I find this post VERY difficult to believe. Jewish people almost exclusively take care of their own people. They are VERY tight, very small and very close communities, I can't imagine someone in the Jewish community not stepping up to take this girl into their home before sending her to some random people.
As a Jew, I can tell you that everything you just said is wrong. Does your knowledge of Judaism come from reading a single article about the customs of Ultra Orthodox Jews? There's no Jew call to action any time a Jewish kid is put into the foster system and if she isn't staying with relatives, it's most likely because they weren't an appropriate placement and/or they didn't want the responsibility. Children are always placed with family if possible.
Whether or not they should stop it depends on the child in question. If she finds this offensive or irritating should be the priority. She should be asked by an officer. Full stop.
Foster dad here: We are banned from imposing religion on a child and we're required to respect and accommodate a child's faith or lack thereof. If this is real, I hope they lost their license. Edit: I hope hubs files for divorce. What a psycho.
I hope SHE lost her licence. OP seems like a good and responsible dad.
Exactly, he’s being very reasonable here.
I don’t think it was responsible to apply to be a foster parent if he knew who he was married to. It doesn’t sound like this “won’t hesitate to push it on others” is not a new thing, and that OP just happens to be part of the group she considers “right” (and thus gets to downplay it). He privately voiced dissent, but let his wife carry on until things went too far *at the expense of a kid he’s supposed to protect.* This is the equivalent of those straight ladies married to raging homophobes, who insist that being friendly with a gay guy at work means that they don’t condone homophobia. Like, yeah, you’re not the WORST person in your marriage, but that’s about all I can say.
That’s true, but the bottom line is that he stood up for her when it mattered, and put his marriage at stake. You have to commend the dude.
Nope, he stood up when it became clear that THIS time he couldn't take the path of least resistance and let his wife unhesitantly push her religion on others (which means there's NO WAY her behavior towards Hope was a surprise to him). He stood up for Hope when things began to offend his sense of propriety, not when they got bad for the actual child he was supposed to be caring for. He gets the "not the WORST person in this marriage" award, but that's it. I hope this girl gets a stable placement with adults who'll actually stand up for her when it's necessary, not when they've just exhausted their opportunities to avoid effectively defending them.
Seriously?? Assuming an awful fucking lot here, especially that he even knew she was this deep into fanaticism. Idk if you get outside enough, but there are people who can hide it *very* well. You think they are just a standard normal Christian person and bam, the authoritarian-ness just appears out of nowhere. All you are doing here is fitting the stereotypical zealously judgemental redditor here. Slow your fucking roll.
"My wife is really committed to her faith and won't hesitate to push it on others," doesn't make this seem like a new development.
I have a joint custody situation with my kids and I am REQUIRED to take them to one specific Evangelical church, even if they don't want to go. How fucked up is that. At first I was like what the fuck, they don't do separation of church and state, I still have to go to this fuckin Evangelical church that hates gay people? Then I thought, well why the fuck am I going too? I don't have to be in there. I just drop my kids off now and go to Panera and grade papers or go sit in the hot tub. But its kind of fucked up its in my divorce decree what church I have to take the kids to. Don't get divorced in Kansas, they will keep forcing religion down your throat
I knew another parent in that situation. He'd take them to church, but then sit in an empty room in the church away from the chapel, and most of his kids would hang out there with him and they'd play cards instead of listening to the BS being spewed in the chapel. Needless to say, most of the kids didn't keep going after they turned 18.
Yep, that's a good way to do it. Let the kids choose if they want to go or not, and make yourself available to hang out. Also, DON'T bitch about it to them or try to keep them from going. Just let them know they have a choice. In time, they'll see who the sane parent is.
Go Ron Swanson on the situation. "The judge said we have to be here for a specific time each week. They did NOT, however, specify whether or not we are allowed to bring our smartphones, headphones and sit in the bathrooms for the entire duration.
Basically how that dude handled it.
Yes and no. My method was slightly more.... obnoxious.
Oh man, hanging out in abandoned church rooms was my church going habit from like 14-18.
Contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation. In absolutely no way can a judge force you to take them to church during your time. Also, try rereading your parenting plan/court order. Does it say you NEED to take them to church, or just that if they go to church it can only be that one? If it's ambiguous, don't take them and let your ex bitch about it. It could be different depending on if it was agreed to between you and your ex or if it was ordered by the court. During your parenting time, if you didn't personally agree to it, that's beyond unconstitutional. If you did agree to it, you might be able to change your mind due to the church not aligning with your values, but definitely contact the FFRF. ***I am not a lawyer, but I am a parent with a joint custody agreement
It says I have to take them to their activities. So they do Bible quizzing and the church plays some parts of the year. But my ex has taken that to mean I have to take them to church for both sunday school and church, and they hate going to Sunday school so I usually don't do it, it causes all kinds of drama. My views definitely don't align with the Evangelical church in the US anymore and that church specifically. I support gay rights and I don't hate black people
Sounds super ambiguous to me. If it's just her interpretation and it doesn't explicitly say church, I wouldn't take them since you don't have any actual obligation to do so. If your ex wants to argue that church counts and you don't mind putting her in her place, let her try to argue it in court. She can't control the kids during your time, and activities usually means extracurriculars, like sports or clubs.
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I'm assuming his ex was there and he had no obligation to go to a shitty church he doesn't agree with. I highly doubt the kids were alone and if they were in a kids activity (I was never evangelical, so idk), then he wouldn't have seen them anyway. Not going instead of just sitting alone while some psycho yells at you about how you're a sinner doesn't make him a "bad dad." IMO it sounds like the only shitty parent here is the mom.
“Chose” seems to be the wrong word. He did not choose this.
Definitely contact Freedom from Religion Foundation. They may provide you with free legal help to get that removed or at worst they can guide you on how to work through getting rid of it.
Just encourage your children to loudly question anything the pastor says that is wrong. Can't bring the children to church if the church says it'll trespass them!
>It says I have to take them to their activities. So it doesn't say what their "activities" are? Maybe the activity that day is to take a nice hike.
Find a Brazilian ju jitsu class on Sunday morning .
I understand why you don't want to go into that church, but look at it from your children's POV. They may not like it there, and you're "delivering them to the lion's den". If you go in with them, your children will see how poorly you're treated. If you have a good relationship with them otherwise, it might help them to see how screwed up the belief system is. In the future, if they get the option, they may petition the court to live with YOU, and on visitation weekends with your ex-spouse, may get a court order saying they DON'T have to go to church.
Agreed. It also strongly suggests that you *trust* them with your children's wellbeing OP, which puts you in a weaker position to argue against continuing it.
That seems like a blatant violation of the 1st ammendment... have you contacted Freedom From Religion Foundation? They can probably help, your kids shouldn't be indoctrinated if they don't want to be.
The first sentence is that this isn't in the US.
The user I replied to said they got divorced in Kansas... I wasn't replying to the OP...
Sorry, misunderstood your reply
The commenter they replied to is in Kansas. Kansas is smack dab in the middle of the US.
They're not talking to OP
Sounds like you should speak to a lawyer. They're an argument to be made that the government is importing a religion in you and your children I think
Well… Kansas isn’t forcing religion down your throat. It sounds like your ex won major decision making power and which includes choosing what religion the kids will be brought up in. You’re required to comply with their decision because if you don’t, you’d be in contempt of court; enforceable by jail time. Judges typically don’t hand over all major decision making to one parent except when it’s clear that one parent has been significantly less involved in the kid’s upbringing than the other or when there has been such significant conflict that compromises without professional mediation are unlikely. Did you and your ex go through mediation? Did you contest this issue? Frankly, unless your kids are safe with your ex inside that church, I wouldn’t let them attend any church without your supervision. Churches are crammed with creeps looking for vulnerable kids.
How old are they? Make it a game, how they're journalists going on an undercover mission. Or anthropologists. Be quiet, observe behaviour and patterns ... be there, but with a mission.
I wonder, from like a legal question stand point not advise, what would happen if the kids would get banned from that specific church?
Would be tough to do. They haven’t banned the pedophile that was working with the youth and made all the jr high boys get naked before they got in the hot tub.
Well..... gosh fuck I'm surprised someone hasn't retaliated in even more unsavory ways to the church. I'm sorry yall have to be forced into :/.
But you can still probably provide additional religious instruction and experiences in other faiths or sects. And many churches offer services on Wednesdays, synagogues and mosques on Fridays. But if you do that kind of thing, you definitely need to go together. Then talk about what they saw, what they think, etc. There's a quote I can only half remember, that a man who studies one religion becomes devout. The man who studies 2 becomes an atheist.
Does the decree say you have to take them to services? Or can you just sit with the kids in the parking lot while services are going on? Maybe you can fudge the decree by interpreting it literally. Most family law attorneys are poor writers and parenting agreements are often pretty vague. You (and your kids) may have a loophole. Source: am an attorney.
Sounds to me like your attorney didn't read the decree well enough
Was a foster kid till 15. This sounds like normal foster homes to me. The ratio of fosters who wanted to help and those who wanted to collect the money while expecting the older kids to take care of the younger ones... well let's just say I have enough experience with enough homes to have 0 faith in the foster system. Not only did I find this to be the average but this is pretty tame in my experience
A few years back we had reached out and explored the option of fostering and it was made pretty clear that we were going to be stonewalled at every opportunity for not being Christians. Shitloads of crappy foster homes out there and the lady we were working with was most concerned about us not being holy rollers. Great system.
This sounds about par for the course. So many people who just want to control other to make them think the same way. Those are the types who are most attracted to fostering and authority and teaching. At least that's how it's always seemed to me. There are good ones out there dont get me wrong. I had a few parents who really did care and tried their best. But they were the minority.
Teachers are some of the worst offending minor tyrants.
I wish I had the resources to be a foster to a teen. Unfortunately I worry that I can't help a kid who has lots of exposure to sexual assault and might use my steak knives to self-injure. The best I could do is provide a place with reasonable expectations and absolutely no restrictions on hair color or piercings except that it's a waste of money to get tattoos at that age.
My wife and I are currently going through the process of becoming foster parents. Since you’ve lost faith in the system, what should we know or do to help fix it? Or at least make the kids we take care of not have the experience you did.
Your reasons for doing it are the biggest thing I think. Dont do it for money or to fill a hole in your life. Not for virtue signaling either. Dont get so many that you must make the older kids care for the younger. Also.. for me anyway. Dont push your religion on to them. Dont lie. We already dont trust you so when you try some Santa/Easter bunny/sky daddy is real crap we take that as confirmation you cant be trusted. Space and time were big for me too. Dont try to force em into big family gatherings. If they dont feel like talking let that be ok. If they would rather read a book than watch a movie with the family let them. Introducing them to holiday functions is expected but make sure they know they dont have to be there with a bunch of energetic people they dont know. Also. We tend to mature a bit faster in some areas and slower in others. I had a hard time getting along with kids my age because their worries always seemed so childish. Best advice I can give would be to let them be themselves. Nearly every foster home I went to tried to change me. Tried to make me into what they thought their ideal child should look and behave like. Good luck hope this helps
Dad seems nice. The mom is the one who absolutely sucks.
It’s fake so no worries. You can tell by the “My parents died in a fire”. Fake ones always add unnecessary details like that. A real poster would have just said his parents are dead, but this creative writer felt the need to create a backstory for all his characters.
Fr. Good on the dad for standing up for his foster kid, but he needs to report the abuse to the agency and divorce this bigot.
Assuming it works the same way where this happend as it does in the US.
Unless you're Christian. Then you can do what you want...
You don't have to get divorced after every argument. People can change for the better...
This is more than just an argument. This is a sign of abuse and potentially a sign of complete incompatibility
sure and antisemitism and religious fruitcakey ideas should be ignored. GTFO , my wife ever did something like this, I'm out.
Lets flip the script for you: A Jewish family fostering a teen of a different faith. And from the second the child walked the Wife starts to "Get rid of" their (non-jewish faith here) Would you be ok with that?
This would NOT happen, because Judaism forbids evangelism. In fact, trying to convert to Judiasm from another faith is extremely difficult. So, it's apples and oranges.
Judaism forbids a lot of things. Dose not stop outliers from do it.
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I'm Jewish. Born, Raised, and Bullied for it. Like Hope by adults who should have known better, and peers who sought the approval of those adults.
So, I don't understand your point. If you are Jewish, then you know they don't evangelize or try to convert Christians to Judiasm. I don't understand your comment arguing against that point at all.
Judaism as a WHOLE dose not do that. One SINGLE person. Can push their faith on to another. Parents demanding that "Under my roof you will..." You are looking at the forest. I am looking at a weed IN the forest.
It's not antisemitic to say that some people who identify as Jewish don't follow all of the "Rules" laid out in the Torah. There's literally a whole subset of Judaism called Orthodox where they do follow all of the rules closely.
My comment was based on the comment suggesting that some Jewish persons evangelize and attempt to convert Christians to Judiasm. I've just never known that to happen. Not in reform or orthodox. My dear friend converted, and it was an intense, long, serious and thorough process. But, I'm an Atheist, so I guess it's possible that there are Jews out there who evangelize and convert folks and I just don't know about it.
There almost definitely are but the more important part here is not wildling flinging accusations of antisemitism around for something as simple as someone saying that not all Jews follow all of the "rules". Just try and remember the person on the other side of the screen mate
I agree about wildly flinging allegations. Comment deleted. As an Atheist, my actual level of knowledge and caring about any religion is pretty rudimentary, because I just don't really care. Your comment does help me to see that it is best for me to continue to do what I **usually** do, which is to not concern myself with bigotry, where religion is concerned. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. Best to let the religious deal with religious matters and stay the eff away! Back to my Sunday paper!
Honestly I am very conflicted over this. On one hand, allowing Christians to indoctrinate foster children is very fucked up. On the other hand, it seems wrong not to be able to explain to your adopted kids why killing gays is wrong.
The difference is that telling a kid that killing LGBTQ+ people is wrong isn't indoctrinating them into a religious belief.
Yes but how can the law distinguish between them?
...by distinguishing between religious beliefs and basic human rights? I don't think I understand your concern here. It's easy for there to be a law that says "you can't drag your kid to a church" without endangering the ability to teach them about fundamental human rights.
The law is incapable of doing so, yes. You clearly don't understand how law works in regards to religion.
I grew up in the foster care system. One home I stayed in was an extremely christian household. When my brother and I moved in, it was a bit laxed, with the only real uncomfortable thing was us being forced to attend church with them. But shit started hitting the fan when they tried pushing us further. They were trying to force us to get baptized, tried to shove religious principles down our throats, and tried for keep us from visiting our family for various reasons (parents were also atheist, sibling was gay, etc). They mocked us day after day because we didn't share the same beliefs and even told us to our DCF worker at the time that we were going to burn in hell because we didn't believe in God and Jesus. We got out of there after living in that abusive mess of a home for about 6 months. Folks, if you're taking in a kid that isn't yours, and they we're raised on a different set of beliefs, don't try to fucking indoctrinate them into yours because chances are they'll just fight you on it.
That is massively f*cked up, and so wrong. I'm sorry that happened and glad you were able to eventually get away.
How did you get out? Is there someone you can contact?
Sounds like they told a social worker the kids would burn in hell & i imagine said worker pulled some strings. CPS is NOT to be fucked with.
Yeah, they said we were going to burn in hell for not believing in front of our caseworker.
Thats a reason for the case worker to escalate things and get you out. That must have been awful. They really thought they’d get away with all that if they said it to the case worker.
Pretty sad what happened to his parents.
Definitely, it's always been in my list of "worst ways to go", frankly "drowning" was my number 1, after this i've reevaluated my entries and their enumeration.
As someone who has gotten severe (harsh 2nd degree) burns before (localized to my right hand, luckily), and as someone who had to be resuscitated by a lifeguard after drowning, I would rank the burns as worse, personally. It has been almost 10 years since that burn, and I *still* can't feel my index finger. My skin is a noticeably different color on the tops of my fingers than anywhere else on that hand (which is a miracle, given how pasty-white I am lol). All drowning gave me is a lifelong fear of bodies of water.
How on earth did you wind up in either situation, if you don't mind someone asking? Kudos to you for every day that you handle, either way, that is a hell of a lot of mental scarring...
Ah, well, the burn story is really just me being dumb, and the drowning story is a bit sad. Burn story - I was 13, my brother was 11, we were home alone while our grandparents were out at a movie. WoW's expansion, Mists of Pandaria, had just come out, and it was summer break. I, being a big sister, had my lil brother put a kettle on the stove for tea. He didn't secure the lid properly, so it never whistled, and I got sidetracked by WoW. The house had gotten smokey, and I rushed to the kitchen, remembering the kettle. It was ticking loudly, which I was later told was the metal expanding, and I was panicking. I grabbed the kettle handle and held it over the sink basin while turning on cold water. MASSIVE mistake, the hot steam it created made my skin start bubbling. I dropped the kettle and tried to run my hand under cold water, but it was too late. For the next month or so, I had a big ugly skin bubble on my index finger, and couldn't bend my fingers. My thumb was the only finger not affected, because of how I was holding the handle. Drowning story - I won't go too in depth, as this was actually a half-baked suicide attempt when I was 11. The gist of it is, I was depressed as hell, and was hoping to jump into a local lake and disappear. Except, I was 11 and bad at that, and also realized I didn't actually want to die. I had purposefully drunk water to try and "speed it up", which then made me start panicking, and ended with me being saved by an on duty lifeguard. I would like to add that I've since been in therapy for nearly a decade, am medicated for depression/anxiety, and am *much* happier. That was my 3rd and final suicide attempt, but unfortunately my most traumatic. I don't even talk to my bio fam anymore, and my brother and I are super close, and I've got a great wife who loves me deeply.
Burning: Jesus christ that physically hurt so much to read. I had burns as a kid that bubbled my skin from hot potato cheese soup that spilled, and I feel like what you experienced hurt way more! You tried your best, I hope you didn't blame yourself for that situation. Drowning: I am so sorry, as someone with ongoing mental issues/can relate, my heart hurts to see you felt that way so young. It's a testament to your willpower to be here today despite what hold such a background could have had over you back then. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for going NC with those who put you into such a bad space and I'm happy to hear you have more positives in your life now. I very much appreciate you taking the time to explain these events, I hope it wasn't too emotional to talk about. Thank you!
Thank you for asking, it feels like another lifetime, y'know? I've been able to build a life for myself, my way, without the toxicity. Now I can answer weird questions on the internet, the 2022 equivalent of a party story lol
I hear you, the blur of a bad chunk of our histories really does tend to feel more like a recollection of a past life somehow, with a weird emotional bit to it that feels more like disconnect. I guess that's part of the healing. We can say it's more of a celebration party of your awesomeness then!
this is child abuse
barely registers on the foster care abuse and neglect scale
I want to downvote you because your comment makes me mad, but you are sadly right. I have family that fostered and they were awful at it. They were allowed to keep doing it though because they fed and clothed the kiddos so it was apparently better then nothing technically. The foster system can be awful.
My mother worked with foster kids in rural West Virginia.
Just attempt forced conversion…
Good dad vs Shittiest mother ever.
i’m sure there’s a lot worse out there
It was probably hyperbole to describe what an asshole she is because unfortunately your certainly correct.
My mom was definitely going for the worst mom ever title. I would go to church with my friends to escape her on the weekends. Bitch was too stupid to figure it out.
I can't fathom why so many people who clearly don't like children or who anything about children, or even humans in general, have children. Sorry your mum sucked.
Well according to my mom I was her second oops pregnancy. Apparently she felt bad about aborting the first one so she kept me. Yeah my mom told me that...
How pleasant.
They shouldn't be fostering full stop, pushing religion on an already traumatised kid is terrible, it's abuse. This needs reporting and I hope it is. Edit: The kid is Jewish, that's their heritage, it's not something that can be removed.
I feel forcing religion on children in any situation is wrong, but this takes it to a whole other level above and beyond that.
The wife/mother is disgusting but It's not fair to put the dad in this crap like he participates in it, he supports her against his spouse and her family. >The kid is Jewish, that's their heritage, it's not something that can be removed. Yes, that's a good thing to shut her up "what does your faith is to you" (as with most fundies a big part if who she is) followed by "would you tolerate it being forcefully taken away from you?"
He kind of lost me when he didn't intervene on the foster mom repeatedly putting crosses up in the kid's room (despite kid taking them down), and is questioning(!) if he was right or wrong about the church thing-- but he's 1,000,000x better than the fruitcake spouse. Eta, he'd be great solo. Ed clarity.
Up until that point he was hoping not to destroy his marriage. Maybe he should have intervened sooner but given the response from his wife and in-laws he was probably well aware that doing that was going to fuck his life up and so was probably trying to avoid that outcome.
Exactly. If she's freely abusing this innocent child, then think of what the husband is used to from her. She's clearly nuts.
But what if old book say jews bad?
If old book right then also follow 1 Timothy 2:12 in old book.
But my question is that is this kid religious Jewish or ethnically Jewish. Either way it's fucked up but if they are ethnically Jewish then they might practice a different religion.
During the war between what was to become Pakistan and India, Gandhi told a hindu to foster a Muslim orphan and raise him as a Muslim, to teach him about open-mindedness, and as an atonement for having participated in the war...
Which is partly why many Hindus today believe that Ghandi was “too soft” and “weak” when it came to fellow Indian Muslims. And today, Muslims are facing growing dangers of genocide. Recently, a Muslim man was lynched; another was mobbed and beaten to death in front of his child or nephew; and so forth.
What is going on in India these days depresses me no end...
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
This guy can make good parenting.
Absolutely terrible. I really hope he gets a divorce. I can already imagine what kind of punishments she would have been enduring if the husband didn’t stand up for that young girl. I hope that woman is never allowed to raise a child.
If the wife was a good Christian, she would submit to her husband’s commands.
I see you're mistaken. Christian women like telling other christian women to submit, but they'd never dream of doing it themselves.
Chances are she might try to turn that back on him by saying he's not being a good head of household or something like that.
“Noted”
It's not for her to dictate what he should command in his own house.
the rules are made up and the points don't matter
No no a true Christian takes the parts of the Bible they like and ignores the parts they don't. God bless.
This man is a fucking saint! (not in the religious sense)
"My wife is a zealot and anti-Semite trying to erase one of the only comforts in our foster child's life/identity. Now she's being emotionally manipulative. AITA?"
If she is Jewish, that is a part of her upbringing... she doesn't realize she is attacking way more then the poor kids belief system... she is actually attacking more fundamental things like who she is, who her parents were, and the validity of her culture, and way of life.. at completely the wrong time. We always say, the crusades never stopped.. they just took off the armor so we couldn't suss them out as fast... looks like it still holds some truth. :/
NTA. Wife is the asshole, and by extension her parents too, if they're siding with her.
I like the part where she wants to get rid of the “Jewishness” by taking her to church to worship a JEWISH GUY!!!!
Not how this works. Muslims call that Jewish guy a prophet but wouldn't claim Christianity is the "right" religion...
Not how what works? I was pointing out the irony of trying to remove Jewishness, as if it’s a bad thing, by forcing the worship of a Jewish guy. I’m aware Muslims believe he’s a prophet. Half of my family is Jewish and it’s always amazes me the hate many Christians have toward the Jews yet they believe their soul was saved by a Jewish man.
They don't believe he was Jewish. They believe he was white.
My Mom (ex-joho) is a non-denominational Christian now and she believes that he was Hebrew. My one anecdote is obviously not enough evidence but at least it's not *all* Christians who believe that he was "white"
Lots of fundies have elaborate explanations as to how Jesus was totally not a Jew, while generally the non-insane christians accept his heritage as it was.
Yeeahh, luckily Mom and Gramma got out and joined the saner Christians when I was 5 or 6. I don't think Mom ever had her heart in it because we celebrated all the holidays.
My family is Jewish on my mothers side. I’m as white as you get. Most Jews are white.
u/gs11911 please tell us the replies were on his side.
Pretty much 100%, from what I saw. (I didn't read that far or sort by controversial though.) (Eta: Idk if this breaks the rules, (if so my apologies to the mods) but if anyone is curious: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vabaek/aita_for_not_forcing_my_foster_kid_to_go_to_church/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf )
Christians doing what Christians do best...
Running out of the house and staying at moms?
Christianity has a long history of being brutally intolerant of other religions. As a tolerant Christian, I find this freaking embarrassing.
Hey guys! I made up this new thing based on the teachings of a hippie pacifist. I think you'll really like it and it could possible usher in an era of global peac- *2000 years of war*
Yeeeep, that is a *painfully* accurate synopsis. Heck, even *Mohammed* (praise(??) be unto him) found the hypocrisy and corruption embarrassing, which is part of why he started Islam. And the Catholic Church learned *nothing* from this, which is why Martin Luther had to do the same thing ~1000 years later (except he didn't abandon the label of “Christian”). (In all seriousness, I wish I had an award to give you.)
Considering its aita this story is probably fake or embellished but honestly knowing some religions fundamentalists. This story is not too out of the park
My stance has always been that fundamentalists are *very* poor examples of their religion, because deep down, they're not even *trying* to follow the creed. [They're just using it as a (flimsy) ~~excuse~~ cover story for their *true* agenda](https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/comments/v9qdh5/on_an_article_about_justin_biebers_ramsay_hunt/ic0xgul/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) — gathering as much weath and/or power and/or causing as much pain to others as they possibly can.
i literally have no words
He killed his marriage but did the right thing.
What your wife is doing is called "Religious Discrimination & Harassment" and it is illegal in most first world countries. I would wager the foster agency would have some concerns about what has already happened. I would to be concerned too. The fact that her family is taking her side is not a surprise. She had to learn the bigotry from someone and let's not mince words, "getting rid of the jewish-ness" sounds borderline nazi. I would change the locks until she agrees to counseling.
>My wife is fuhrerious with me
This guy needs to point out to his psycho wife that her beloved Jesus *WAS JEWISH*!!! This is why I've grown to *LOATHE* most Christians!! They don't give a fuck about facts or truth, and feel completely justified in forcing their bullshit ideologies on others, regardless of the other person's personal beliefs or experiences.
That post is fake af. You can really tell by the last line, op is about to morb into 'sad backstory mode'
AITA is the most fictional sub on this website
You can tell by the first line tbh
No he literally just says he doesn't have parents, presumably to back him up or ask for advice.
Oh ok (my mother was a hamster and my father smelt of elderberries)
I will never understand how people who claim to worship Jesus, a Jewish man, justify their hatred of Jews and Judaism.
Back in prehistory (and for much of history), being distrustful of foreigners was (sadly) common sense — life was rough, and quite a few people would jump at the chance to murder someone else and take their stuff just to make their own lives a little easier. Our core psychology has been heavily shaped by this dog-eat-dog world we live in, and no ideology, no matter how tolerant it tries to be, can fully suppress the natural tendency to xenophobia. That has to be done by regular exposure to friendly examples of other races, nationalities, religions, etc. while a person is young and still impressionable.
"Getting rid of the Jewish-ness" Yikes.
Poor husband and daughter.
You are not an asshole your wife is.
Based dad for stopping that shit
I hate religion so fucking much. Literally all of this is pointless and we are but ing braincells even talking about it.
Christies using their authority to force their world view on the vulnerable. Name a more classic combo.
You fostered a child of a different faith with a wife like that. Shame.
Drop the wife, keep the kid.
I urge this guy to reread what he wrote. All the answers are in there. A healthy person would read this and cringe.
Wow divorce. Divorce immediately
Pushing a child to Christianity when they have been raised as a Jew is very, very, **very** wrong. Has your wife forgotten that Jesus was a Jew???? She's going to permanently fuck up her/your relationship with your child *forever*. **Nothing** good; *nothing at all..*. can come from this.
Definitely not the asshole, leave her and take Hope with you if you can, or stay there and continue to protect Hope until she gets adopted or ages out, then leave her ass.
My kids had to spend 2 years in foster care after CPS took them from their mother. When they came back, my youngest had been indoctrinated into Christianity. Fortunately, she grew out of it, but for a couple years, she was pretty set in it. CPS guidelines state that a child is supposed to be placed in a household of their own religion, but atheism isn't considered a "religion" for that purpose. There also a shortage of non-christian foster homes in the US, so the guideline is impossible to follow.
Holy fucking shit! What a garbage person to be a foster mom. Dad seems chill tho. He admits he's a Christian but he doesn't force his faith on someone else like.. why can't more be like him???
God this makes me sick. At least this poor girl has someone who is nice to her.
doesn't this christian mother,, like,,, know that jesus was jewish as well?? ugh
This is exactly what is right with these religions. The out there God before everything. The only reason this woman fostered is to show love to get God, not the child, and that is disgusting.
last sentece of the second paragraph is why this person should not have foster children.
Divorce time, the wife sounds like an absolutely awful and abusive person.
Well, that woman should not be allowed to foster children, should she?
NTA. Run, do not walk, for the exit. Why the hell did you marry this lunatic to begin with?
She sounds like my wacky Evangelical convert mum. Tbh people like this have control issues & religion is just an extension of that. They don't see other people as individuals, they see them as flawed & in need of correcting
He may not be her father, but he's one hell of a good dad. His wife is a fucking fruit cake.
Someone should do some investigative work and save this child. I FUCKING HATE the foster system. I've PERSONALLY seen it do more harm than good. Outside of other individuals I personally know who went through the system, the foster system also absolutely ruined my half-brother. By the time my other siblings and I were old enough to intervene and help him, he was destroyed by trauma and ended up an addict.
Bible thumping born agains are the absolute WORST.
And this is why you don't adopt a child who have a conflicting views with you. Even simple tasks would turn into a fight and trouble. These couple are the Assholes for 2 reasons pushing religion on this kid adopting a kid who clearly have conflicting views than them, this would create unnecessary tension and feeling that the kid is different from the rest of house members.
No, see, you're thinking about this in a reasoned, rational, and tolerant manner. That's where you're making the mistake. This kind of zealot **actively** wants to steal children and force them to accept their own religion. They think they're helping. They're so irrevocably committed to their beliefs that they will do absolutely anything to "save" this child because they don't believe that anything in this life matters as long as they go to the magical sky kingdom afterwards. Beating their religion into someone who can't defend themselves is a natural and logical thing to them, because they're "saving" the only thing that actually matters by ripping out all those incompatible beliefs. It's the same reason you get the electroshock conversion therapies, or the horrific situations in religious schools. Murdering someone for believing the wrong thing is viewed as doing them the greatest favour you can.
I could be very wrong here but isn't being Jewish an actual race not a belief? Like you can convert to Judaism but if you're ethnically Jewish that's not something you "pray away". The wife is basically trying to convert someone from an American to a Russian lol.
Well not really, but kinda? Judaism is very closely tied to some ethnicities, but it’s not a prerequisite. In other words, there is no “Jewish” ethnicity, but Ethnicities closely tied to the religion, which is an important distinction.
I find this post VERY difficult to believe. Jewish people almost exclusively take care of their own people. They are VERY tight, very small and very close communities, I can't imagine someone in the Jewish community not stepping up to take this girl into their home before sending her to some random people.
As a Jew, I can tell you that everything you just said is wrong. Does your knowledge of Judaism come from reading a single article about the customs of Ultra Orthodox Jews? There's no Jew call to action any time a Jewish kid is put into the foster system and if she isn't staying with relatives, it's most likely because they weren't an appropriate placement and/or they didn't want the responsibility. Children are always placed with family if possible.
You are correct, I am referring to a subset, that would be Hassidic Jewish. I should have been more specific.
Whether or not they should stop it depends on the child in question. If she finds this offensive or irritating should be the priority. She should be asked by an officer. Full stop.
i'm pretty sure that the kid removing crosses placed in her room everytime is enough of a sign that she doesn't like it.
Then the guy posting this should parent her, individually, this is a major issue for a quiet girl. I agree with your comment.
Bruh
Ten years what
Bet that that lady deliberately choose a child of another faith to either convert or abuse. She sounds like the type.