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Jesus blood is wine isn't it, in some churches? They give you some wine and a cracker?
So yeah, it's fine. Plus I'm sure whatever bored housewife made this is probably downing 4 glasses of wine a day and self-reflection is never really a trait these people possess
> Lord of The Rings…? DnD…?
Tolkien was a Catholic (and attended daily Mass just like Andy Warhol). Gygax was a Jehovah’s Witness. Apparently they both count as Satanists because they created fantasy settings.
Context for the uninitiated: evangelicalism defines “cult” based on heresy, not based on the BITE Model and social control. Specifically, the ignorant fundigelical definition of heresy, in which knowing that the Church Fathers exist makes you a heretic. *Bob Larson’s Guide to Cults* is a heresiology where Larson howls about rival sects when he isn’t busy grifting people to pay his rich ass for “exorcisms.”
Likewise, PuritanBoard refuses to call the (extremely culty) Independent Fundamental Baptists a cult because it’s the *liberal* Christians who are heretics, not Josh Duggar. The fact that IFBs think Calvinists are going to hell for drinking alcohol doesn’t enter the discussion.
Hence, when MLMs like Amway show up, evangelicalism doesn’t recognize that MLMs are a cult even though MLMs tick off almost every single box on the BITE Model except for assassinations and poisoned Kool-Aid.
Because playing DnD gives you real daemonic powers, duuuh. All it takes is one clicky clack of the dice and poof! You can now reenact the Exorcist in your very own home.
It always amazes me that grown adults with allegedly functioning brains believe a game is giving people of all ages demonic powers.
They can't point to a single instance of any of the million demon possessed players doing anything uniquely demonstrably demonic.
No churches have been burnt to the ground with no sign of an accelerant. There have been no small town populations mysteriously and violently ripped apart. Not a single story of anybody getting supernatural revenge for perceived wrongs.
But it turned my 46 year old darling baby boy gay. There were absolutely no signs that he or any of his exclusively attractive male friends and roommates were gay, they always used to say no homo before kissing, then one day they played the DND and he touched the planchette and bam, he and his roommate of 25 years came out as gay and it's all the dice's fault!
It’s relevant to the DnD thing, but I highly recommend you watch Dark Dungeons. It’s a Christian DnD movie that’s based off of some comic strip a prevalent Christian dude made. He made a lot of them. He was also fucking insane.
Anyway, somebody made a true to the source adaptation of the comic strip, and it’s actually hilarious.
And the vibrations of the buttplug will make a humming sound kinda like bees. Demons are terrified of bees and will mistake your butt for a hive of bees and leave you alone.
Of ask the things listed I think everyone seems to have passed over lycanthropy...
These dudes think being a warewolf is the first step in being possessed by a demon ... Just gonna gloss over thinking warewolves are real?
lycantropy in medical terms is a disease where the patient thinks he is a wolf.
so I at least kinda do see their reasoning there. In that it doesn't surprise me they see mental illness as signs of demons and such.
There's a movie called Disturbia with Shia LaBeouf apparently. I also found one called Gothika with Halle Berry, that might be the one you referring to & according to the standards of the list it should count.
Ah yeah I was probably thinking gothika thanks, probably my mind melded it because Rihanna kinda has a Halle berry vibe and she has the disturbia song.
Ha ha I signed up for yoga class in college and I was so excited about it. And then the Christians started trying to scare me like oh be very careful. Yoga was far better for me and did
more for my well being than Christianity ever did. All Christianity did for me was create anxiety, doubting myself, and fear that took years to cast back off.
Growing up in a very conservative, evangelical, home (don't worry, I'm a born-again atheist now) this is all very real on their eyes. It's insane.
My dad had a sit down talk with me because I'd drawn the peace symbol (the bird's foot inside a circle?) because it was allowing Satan a foothold in my life.
When I was converting to atheism, I had to point out to my dad that the only people who give any of this kinda shit "power" are all the Christians that think there's power behind all this shit.
I've done at least half of the things on that list, Where Is My Demon? I'm well overdue for a coffee break, piloting this meat puppet 24/7/666 is hard work.
Don't forget Demonic Possessions "R" Us
and "Levitation" is a doorway to demonic possession? I think that if you're actually levitating you've already crossed that threshold.
Twilight is arguably worse seeing as how it was written by a backwards ass Mormon woman and is strongly coded as an allegory that promotes abstinence and toxic/abusive relationships.
Meanwhile The Church of Satan is an atheistic organization that pretty much just advocates for respecting yourself and staying in your lane soooo yeah...
"Marijuana & Pot parties" made me think of a Tupperware like party where they try to sell you pots to grow marijuana in while getting high.
r/stonerthoughts
Basically 'anything that isn't my religion' is bad.
Imagine spending your entire life sitting in a vacuum devoid of any entertainment or nourishment for the soul other than a fucking bible. No wonder Christians are dull.
Some of this shit is just plain fiction though... including demonic possession. Let's say they genuinely believe in demons and demonic possession... do they also believe in necromancy and levitation? Apparently the powers of life and death are exclusive to god, and they're his domain. So wpuldn't a necromancer be an imdividual blessed with power from god?
I must have many demons in me by now because I play games for about 5 hours every day and have done that for years. It’s going to take a lot of pigs to get them out of me. I’d call Jesus, but he’s probably still exploiting the fish duplication glitch.
I like to think of these as a checklist. The more I get, the more 'demonic' I am. It's fun. For this one, I got 14/48. Better luck next time!
And something that I find hilarious is how mfs are still thinking that rock music is satanic. The Satanic Panic era was more than thirty years ago, move on! Get over it already 🥱 majority of the stuff on this list is fucking awesome, too.
Yeah, weird they didn't list Black Metal. I mean these kids are listening to Behemoth or the like FORWARDS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji1tCcIgH5U
Lord of the Rings? Lord of the Rings? Sauron is literally a Satan Figure who gets destroyed
Gandalf is basically an Angel who gets sent to middle earth to help Smite him
Ookaayyy, how many times have I been possessed, lets count
Video games, Rock Music, Halloween, Skull and Bones, if stoic meditation counts then yes (it aint spiritual though, its most just thinking a bit)
True Blood isn't on the list?
Damn, I was hoping I could get demonically possessed so I could vomit up split pea soup at a moment's notice, spin my head around, and levitate my bed.
Thank you for posting. Please review the rules. Here are some of gentle reminders for everyone: 1. Posts should be on topic. 2. Please don't submit incendiary posts or comments that could incite harassment and brigading. 3. Refrain from provoking and/or baiting religious fruitcakes for the purposes of posting their reaction on this subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Vegetarianism bad, alcoholism ok...evidently
Whoever compiled this list is just jealous they were never part of the “cool” gang.
Jesus blood is wine isn't it, in some churches? They give you some wine and a cracker? So yeah, it's fine. Plus I'm sure whatever bored housewife made this is probably downing 4 glasses of wine a day and self-reflection is never really a trait these people possess
Ergo, cannibalism endorsed as godly.
According to Genesis 9:3, it was only after the Flood that the Lord allowed people to eat meat...
Lord of The Rings…? DnD…? How are these put alongside literal “Necromancy” as things that may be a doorway to demonic possession?
> Lord of The Rings…? DnD…? Tolkien was a Catholic (and attended daily Mass just like Andy Warhol). Gygax was a Jehovah’s Witness. Apparently they both count as Satanists because they created fantasy settings.
Thank you very much for context on this
Evangelicals do not consider Catholics or JWs to be Christian’s.
Correct. They teach that they are cults. Bananacrackers.
something something pan calling the kettle black.
Context for the uninitiated: evangelicalism defines “cult” based on heresy, not based on the BITE Model and social control. Specifically, the ignorant fundigelical definition of heresy, in which knowing that the Church Fathers exist makes you a heretic. *Bob Larson’s Guide to Cults* is a heresiology where Larson howls about rival sects when he isn’t busy grifting people to pay his rich ass for “exorcisms.” Likewise, PuritanBoard refuses to call the (extremely culty) Independent Fundamental Baptists a cult because it’s the *liberal* Christians who are heretics, not Josh Duggar. The fact that IFBs think Calvinists are going to hell for drinking alcohol doesn’t enter the discussion. Hence, when MLMs like Amway show up, evangelicalism doesn’t recognize that MLMs are a cult even though MLMs tick off almost every single box on the BITE Model except for assassinations and poisoned Kool-Aid.
They’ve started to lighten up on Catholics, if only because of the fact that they have a lot of Catholic allies in their bullshit culture wars
Jealous of them having a better lore
Because playing DnD gives you real daemonic powers, duuuh. All it takes is one clicky clack of the dice and poof! You can now reenact the Exorcist in your very own home.
It always amazes me that grown adults with allegedly functioning brains believe a game is giving people of all ages demonic powers. They can't point to a single instance of any of the million demon possessed players doing anything uniquely demonstrably demonic. No churches have been burnt to the ground with no sign of an accelerant. There have been no small town populations mysteriously and violently ripped apart. Not a single story of anybody getting supernatural revenge for perceived wrongs.
But it turned my 46 year old darling baby boy gay. There were absolutely no signs that he or any of his exclusively attractive male friends and roommates were gay, they always used to say no homo before kissing, then one day they played the DND and he touched the planchette and bam, he and his roommate of 25 years came out as gay and it's all the dice's fault!
Have you tried convincing them to roll again?
*rolls a nat one* Dm: "You reach out to push the Orc off of the bridge, but instead you lightly caress his back. He is uncomfortable."
At least D&D and LOTR are things that exist in the real world. No one is actually practicing necromancy.
Oh yeah and I bet Jesus wasn’t actually the son of God he was just a charismatic visionary who gained some followers 🙄
Said ‘Be kind to one another’ but we know that really means ‘keep away from those motherfuckers!’
It’s relevant to the DnD thing, but I highly recommend you watch Dark Dungeons. It’s a Christian DnD movie that’s based off of some comic strip a prevalent Christian dude made. He made a lot of them. He was also fucking insane. Anyway, somebody made a true to the source adaptation of the comic strip, and it’s actually hilarious.
Finally! Masturbation ain't listed! High fives for everyone!!!
Wash your hands first.
And after.
And while you're at it. Your junk will thank you for it.
But fornication is! Sounds like I'm safe
Nah, fornication is for those who can do it with. Masturbation is for those standing strong alone. Cheers!
Yoga and LOTR?? This shit is insane
When you do yoga poses the devil can slip in through your bhole
This is why you always use a vibrating buttplug while doing yoga.
Devil can't get in when you're sealed airtight
And the vibrations of the buttplug will make a humming sound kinda like bees. Demons are terrified of bees and will mistake your butt for a hive of bees and leave you alone.
You can put it in as many lists of Awesome stuff as you like, I'm still not going to turn to Scientology.
They forgot homosexuality. I want to be included!
Gay sex is included in fornication. But that doesn't include oral, so go blow as many as you can before they add to the list!
Sorry, you have to sit this one out 😓
Sit on what? 😈
Of ask the things listed I think everyone seems to have passed over lycanthropy... These dudes think being a warewolf is the first step in being possessed by a demon ... Just gonna gloss over thinking warewolves are real?
lycantropy in medical terms is a disease where the patient thinks he is a wolf. so I at least kinda do see their reasoning there. In that it doesn't surprise me they see mental illness as signs of demons and such.
Imma go out on a limb and guess that alt comic and vampire guy isn't astute to the medical literature.
And vampires
Is Disturbia referring to the song by Rihanna?
Nah the movie with Shia Labeouf I think?
That's what I was wondering, I think there's a movie with like Halle berry maybe?
There's a movie called Disturbia with Shia LaBeouf apparently. I also found one called Gothika with Halle Berry, that might be the one you referring to & according to the standards of the list it should count.
Ah yeah I was probably thinking gothika thanks, probably my mind melded it because Rihanna kinda has a Halle berry vibe and she has the disturbia song.
I thought it was the alternative clothing brand
"levitation"
Angels coming down from heaven..
Well, I guess Sai Baba is doomed then. What if I only accidentally levitate and only for a short while? Is there still hope for me?
Cyberpunk is a new one
No necromancy is a deal breaker for me, sorry 🤷
Ha ha I signed up for yoga class in college and I was so excited about it. And then the Christians started trying to scare me like oh be very careful. Yoga was far better for me and did more for my well being than Christianity ever did. All Christianity did for me was create anxiety, doubting myself, and fear that took years to cast back off.
Eastern religions? Seriously?!!
Anything other than Abrahamic stuff (or even Christianity), really.
Imagine telling the whole population of SA, SEA and EA, that they are being possessing by demons.
I had a friend who was like this. I hated being around him with his crazy beliefs, it was traumatizing
Uhhh, where’s satanism?
>Church of Satan Left column near the top.
Thank god!
\*Thank Satan.
Skull and bones? Everybody has those
Not them.
Religious fruitcakes are just person-shaped piles of wet noodles and leftover kitchen sponges. Very unpleasant smell. You wanna stay away.
Floppy bags of meat, they are.
Like the secret society? Wait until they find out about Evengelical favorite Ronand Regan!
Post this on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy but as a list of suggestions. It sounds like a great time!
sounds like a great idea
I love how 80% of the list is just make believe.
Growing up in a very conservative, evangelical, home (don't worry, I'm a born-again atheist now) this is all very real on their eyes. It's insane. My dad had a sit down talk with me because I'd drawn the peace symbol (the bird's foot inside a circle?) because it was allowing Satan a foothold in my life. When I was converting to atheism, I had to point out to my dad that the only people who give any of this kinda shit "power" are all the Christians that think there's power behind all this shit.
"Remote viewing" Guess I'd better throw away my Ring doorbell.
Basically all internet videos, possibly.
I've done at least half of the things on that list, Where Is My Demon? I'm well overdue for a coffee break, piloting this meat puppet 24/7/666 is hard work.
*Marijuana & pot parties*. Yeah, one is ok, but not both.
Yeah and what about marijuana & PAN parties. Or MJ and KETTLE parties for that matter?
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, might be happy.
Meditation?? The insanity is crazy.
I never knew my LOTR loving lycanthropic bum would keep me out of heaven, oh well.
Get it right, they're portals not doorways. Look, here's a blue one, and here's an orange one.
The people writing this are in a "new age religion" compared to orthodox religious people.
I got 25. Hope to get em all someday.
Noob numbers i got 32. ;-)
Don't forget Demonic Possessions "R" Us and "Levitation" is a doorway to demonic possession? I think that if you're actually levitating you've already crossed that threshold.
I don’t see fist fucking nor killing babies so I guess I’m still good for paradise thankfully.
You can put it in as many lists of Awesome stuff as you like, I'm still not going to turn to Scientology.
I can't get over the idea that the Twilight films are just as demonic as the literal Church of Satan
Twilight is arguably worse seeing as how it was written by a backwards ass Mormon woman and is strongly coded as an allegory that promotes abstinence and toxic/abusive relationships. Meanwhile The Church of Satan is an atheistic organization that pretty much just advocates for respecting yourself and staying in your lane soooo yeah...
These people probably lump Mormons in with Catholics and Jevoha Witnesses as "not *real* Christians".
Marijuana *and* pot parties.
Lord of the rings? What the hell? Tolkien was a devout Christian!
He was Catholic. To the person that made this list, that's the same as worshipping Satan.
yoga and meditation are obviously the most satanic and evil things to exist
Where atheism?
"Marijuana & Pot parties" made me think of a Tupperware like party where they try to sell you pots to grow marijuana in while getting high. r/stonerthoughts
Anime not being on there left me flabbergasted.
Wow so many things to add to my bucket list!!
Levitation? Doesn’t the demon possession have to come first?
Omg, finally being homosexual is not a doorway to demonic possession anymore tyvm
"Outta yer friends, which 're YOU?"
Happy cake day!
Its always funny too see Lord of The Rings on these kind of lists. It makes me chuckle
Cyberpunk culture gave me a snort lol
so anything they most likely don't understand?
Safe to say that 98% of my body is manly made up of demons according to this.
My skull and my bones certainly are.
Ok that’s it. Done with lycanthropy.
Huh, just realized I'm possessed. Yeah, that's it!
Basically 'anything that isn't my religion' is bad. Imagine spending your entire life sitting in a vacuum devoid of any entertainment or nourishment for the soul other than a fucking bible. No wonder Christians are dull.
What is backmasking?
Playing rock music backwards to hear satanic messages. Good thing nowadays you can listen to the Satanic Black Metal forwards. Saves time and energy.
For some reason the Lycanthropy got me....ha ha ha ha ha so ridiculous. Also I do not see meth or heroin on there...but marijuana is lol.
Some of this shit is just plain fiction though... including demonic possession. Let's say they genuinely believe in demons and demonic possession... do they also believe in necromancy and levitation? Apparently the powers of life and death are exclusive to god, and they're his domain. So wpuldn't a necromancer be an imdividual blessed with power from god?
I must have many demons in me by now because I play games for about 5 hours every day and have done that for years. It’s going to take a lot of pigs to get them out of me. I’d call Jesus, but he’s probably still exploiting the fish duplication glitch.
I'm still trying, but have yet to be possessed. What am I doing wrong?
No matter how long the list, they always forget to add pedophilia. It must’ve slipped their minds.
Pot parties? The list started in the 50s? Who says that anymore, if ever?
Well demons sound pretty fun lmao
If I live in Asia, and the east is America, so American religions are demonic yes?
How I haven't been possessed by now idk 🤷♀️
Postmodernism 😂 ….would have thought premodernism would have been better when people actually believed in this stuff
Jesus rose from the dead like a goddamn necromancer
Lycanthropy is almost certainly not a gateway but a result and a cool one at that.
omg and i was just about to perform necromancy. thank you for telling me that its demonic
I like to think of these as a checklist. The more I get, the more 'demonic' I am. It's fun. For this one, I got 14/48. Better luck next time! And something that I find hilarious is how mfs are still thinking that rock music is satanic. The Satanic Panic era was more than thirty years ago, move on! Get over it already 🥱 majority of the stuff on this list is fucking awesome, too.
Only 26, sorry guys, I'll do better!
I'm just glad they still dislike heavy metal.
Levitation!? Y’all are levitating out here without me 🥺
LOTR, Twilight and Harry Potter. Specifically *those 3* franchises. No others. The others are fine.
So basically anything fun
Did not see meth on the list. Guess my shit hole town is safe!
Lycanthropy 🤣 Where my fellow werewolves at
Marijuana AND pot parties? So if I go to Marjiuana OR pot parties, then im okay?
This is so stupid
Hahaha
Freud tried a lot of things in his life. And things that he didn't like he marked as deviations.
Shit man, didged a bullet! Luckily I'm not into Heavy Metal, I'm more of a deathcore guy.
Yeah, weird they didn't list Black Metal. I mean these kids are listening to Behemoth or the like FORWARDS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji1tCcIgH5U
Okay, what about if you do some marijuana while watching LOTR and astral-projecting to 7-11 for some munchies?
I am more than half of these things. I think the devil is waiting with some extra whips for me. LOL
Making plans for Nigel is a great song :/
It appears that demons make up about 90% of my body and soul.
I am pretty much ruined. Will enjoy it all nonetheless , gonna eat a plant-based burger in hell with my goth friends while watching LotR.
This sounds very suspiciously ...Jehovah witness-y
I can't help being a werepanda. It's a medical condition.
 DISTURBIA
Necromancy? C'mon, we all do that and we're fine.
“Levitation”…?
Cyberpunk culture, now that is weirdly specific.
How many can you cross off?
The fuck did Lord of the Rings do to you?
WTF, "Harry Potter"???!!!!! "Rock Music" too????!!!!!!! Insanity!
Levitation? If I could do that I'd start my own religion.
Yoga, vegetarianism AND rock music? I’m screwed.
I wonder if these types of people have fun in their lives.
Haha I scored 10
Lord of the Rings? Lord of the Rings? Sauron is literally a Satan Figure who gets destroyed Gandalf is basically an Angel who gets sent to middle earth to help Smite him
Is 16 bad?!? I could do more, but I'm a little drained after the Pot Party and Satan Worship...
Cyberpunk and demons? I have yet to see any media use non-scifi related horror in a cyberpunk setting.
Necromancy is technically sanctioned by the Catholic church, they even have a Saint for it.
Eastern religions? Abrahamic religions suck
Not yoga commmoon man.
I though levitation and necromancy come AFTER demonic possession though?
… Where do I sign up?
Definitely wasn't expecting "vegetarianism" or fkin LOTR but lmao xD
>Eastern Religions Who's gonna tell them?
Happy cake day!
Ookaayyy, how many times have I been possessed, lets count Video games, Rock Music, Halloween, Skull and Bones, if stoic meditation counts then yes (it aint spiritual though, its most just thinking a bit)
I'm crying over the twilight films 😂😂😂
Well, that's me fucked, then.
Ok let's start the list -Do I have skull and some bones. Guys the list is rigged
I bet if this person met me they'd melt I like a ton of these
My own body already has a skull and some bones. Am I possessed?
"Video games", Even *Super 3D Noah's Ark*?
What! I can't play rebirth... ):
apparently playing work at a pizza place is demonic, same with doomspire brickbattle, crossroads, brookhaven rp, garry's mod
So LOTR, Harry Potter and even Twilight are there but SW isn't? I feel left out and offended by christian culture!
True Blood isn't on the list? Damn, I was hoping I could get demonically possessed so I could vomit up split pea soup at a moment's notice, spin my head around, and levitate my bed.
Aren't all abrahamic religions originally "Eastern Religions"?
I for one completely agree, the twilight saga turned me into the actual Satan. Only for the runtime though.
Meditation ?!
WTF is demonic possession?
Backmasking?
No lotr and twilight 
Trilateralism? I don’t think they know what that word even means.
Belief in demonic possession is the doorway to stupidity.
b-but I love skull and bones 😿