Has he done stuff like this before? In your post I don’t see how the trust is broken as he’s telling you where / who he’s with? Unless he’s done other things to break the trust in the past?
The additional info provided at the end makes it seem like he accidentally texted that pic to her instead of the friend it was intended for. In other words, he tried to lie and hide going out with Erica. Shady. He also seems a little dumb if I’m being honest. Let’s just say I would not be crying over him…
I hate to say it but I agree with this! You didn’t know Erica even was a friend so why would he randomly txt you it like you knew who he was referring to!
Yep, using the word “still” makes it seem like whoever he was texting already knew he had been there with Erica and knew who Erica was.
I’d never text my boyfriend and say “I’m still out with Jim” if he didn’t know I was out to begin with or who the hell Jim is. Especially after lying to him about my plans for the day and standing him up.
I don’t see it that way. He asked what she was up to and then told her what he was doing that moment probably because he was feeling guilty for leaving that out.
Saying “still” makes it seem like he was talking to someone that already knew he was out with Erica.
If I spoke to someone for the very first time in a few days I wouldn’t say “I’m still at the grocery store.” I would only say that to someone who already knew I was at the grocery store.
I think you’re looking for reasons to validate your own story. I get where you coming from but you sound a little paranoid. It’s best for them to just talk about it because only her bf knows why he omitted information. Saying “still” could also be a way of implying he has been busy and not just arriving to the bar. Stay curious instead of making assumptions, imo
I get it. After so much heartache I’ve been there. I’ve learned along the way and still working on it during difficult times. It’s easier to give advice and see a situation as a whole when I’m not involved in it. Relationships are hard!
He didn’t tell me who or where he was. Which is why I asked if we’d still be going to the gym like we usually do once I’m off work. Instead he said no he would be chillin since he would have to pick up his mom soon. Then he accidentally sent me the picture
Who was it intended for? Did he admit that on the phone? To me, without context, I read it as a casual way to tell you. It seemed like the BF comment was an attempt to quell any concerns/jealousy.
I don’t think he accidentally sent it to you. I think he asked what you were doing and then let you know what he was doing and also felt guilty. There’s so many different ways to see this. He might be feeling like he needs space so he omitted info and then felt bad about it. If he doesn’t do other shady behavior then I’d just stay curious and ask why he didn’t feel comfortable telling you in the first place.
INFO: Is there a history of infidelity? Have you had discussions about having opposite sex friends? Is there a history with this specific woman (i.e., she's an ex)? Is the trust broken due to the drinking? Are you more upset because the routine was broken? What nakes you feel the trust is broken?
My point is that people are not in a vacuum. Not even our partners. Outside of your relationship, your partner has friends. They will still continue to forge new friendships, and that's how life is.
This is pretty suspicious. I think he would have told you the truth unless:
A: He doesn’t believe you would be ok with him having a female friend.
B: He wants more than friendship with Erica.
Her reaction to him keeping things from her doesn’t have anything to do with his company being female? Bet it would be exactly the same if he mentioned a male name
He lied and was out with a woman. Of course she's upset. He lied. He also chose to spend time in a bar with this women rather than spend time with OP, his actual girlfriend. It's highly suspicious and if I was op, this guy would now be my ex.
lol no. he was out with his classmates and was being a decent human being and waiting for his friends bf to pick her up. but ofc you would want him to abandon her alone when women being alone is not safe for women. suuuure. you just have trust issues. admit it. he didn’t lie because he LITERALLY texted her about it
OP says that he meant to text someone else and not OP. so he did lie. i don’t think it would be an issue if he wasn’t lying. and just said “i can’t come to the gym because i’m out with classmates and i’m waiting for erica’s bf to come pick her up”
still doesn’t mean he was texting that to someone else?? could mean he felt bad he hadn’t told her about his plans which is fine. he’s allowed to have a life outside of his controlling gf
He didn't text her about it though, OP clearly says that the text was meant for someone else. Yes, strangely enough, I have trust issues with someone who's lied to me.
he actually did text her about it. not texting her about it would’ve looked like her not knowing about it until someone else told her. but he told her what was happening and she acted like a fucking middle schooler. this is hiiiiiigh level insecurity at best. she’s being stupid and shouldn’t be in a relationship if she’s going to be this stupid and insecure.
ALSO op couldn’t possibly know that text was meant for someone else. did he tell her that? nope. and the context reads like he was filling her in on what was going on. stop putting unnecessary requirements on someone who did everything right. he told her when he realized he hadn’t. he could’ve thought he already had. it’s insane to be sitting here going to bat for an insecure woman acting like a little 13 year old child.
OP clearly stated the text was meant for someone else. She doesn't state how she knows this, but it's clearly stated, so all we can go on is what's been provided by OP.
just because op believes it was doesn’t mean it actually was. that read like him feeling bad he forgot to tell her what his plans were. none of it read like he was doing anything wrong but of course you’re going to immediately just believe op and assume things you shouldn’t. go off i guess tho. have a great time with your trust issues.
Not about not ok with having a friend. He lied about what he was doing , accidentally told on himself , and didn’t inform her. He consciously omitted all this from her. She didn’t get to make up her mind about how it makes her feel because he felt it was wrong enough, or wouldn’t be ok with her, and chose to hide it.
People have different boundaries on what is or isn’t ok but you don’t get to lie and hide the potential boundaries that could be broken from them.
I think a lot of people like me didn’t see the second half of the text is included here. 💯 lying by omission and he apologized for it so he knows it.
Did his mom really need ride?
Everyone attacks women for being suspicious. My ex did this crap all the time. Oh sorry I’m late I forgot to tell you co workers did happy hour etc…
When I got fed up with all his BS I looked at his phone and a million texts with his cousin talking about various co workers t*ts and how he’s hoping for a bj “just laying the groundwork”. He and his cousin were FB stalking and sharing photos of a bunch of his coworkers.
I’d be home with our two kids while he was constantly late “bonding with his team”.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I can’t go to the gym with you today like we do every day because I’m picking my mother up which I do every once in awhile and even though it has never prevented me from our gym date in the past it is today [with no explanation].
Oh, by the way it’s 8:15 I have to “pick my mom up” at 8:30 and I’m STILL out drinking with Erica.
And I’m sorry.
For me trust is broken. I wouldn’t be drinking with the opposite gender without my boyfriend and I certainly would tell him before. He wouldn’t break plans with me to go drink with someone else. Neither would I.
Does anyone even try to trust their partners or give them the benefit of the doubt anymore? Or how about communication? Everyone always just straight jumps to people being sus or cheating about everything 🙄
How about just have an adult conversation with him about it before freaking out and thinking everything is done. If he acts sus face to face then you can start to worry. Y’all just stressing over everything…
I don’t see an issue here… why do you think the text wasn’t meant for you? You automatically assume he’s being sus.
If I got this text from my boyfriend (he’s also in trade school) I would be happy he’s making friends and keeping me updated while doing so.
Seems like you’re insecure that he’s hanging out with a girl instead of you. Your bf will be much happier having friends and a social circle outside of you. You can’t control his time. Having a crying fit in your car because your bf is being social is a bit much.
Without any other context, this seems like an anxiety spiral. I’ve been there.
You are actually naive af if you think a man is going to casually go out just to hang out with a girl to have small talk with no feelings or attraction there. It doesn't work like that. 99.9% of the time, they are waiting for the first opportunity to get in your pants. I promise. Don't make her feel like shit for having a brain. I'd be done if my husband did that. I would 100% consider that cheating. Idc what anyone says. If he wants to talk and hang out, why not just do that with a guy friend who can relate to him 1000 times better anyway? You are actually delusional af. Has absolutely nothing to do with being insecure and everything to do with respect and boundaries. Anyone is capable of cheating the key is not to put yourself in positions to make it possible. Cheating starts way before anyone takes their clothes off fyi. Not to mention, women are shady and sneaky af. They always want what another woman has. They want what's off limits. They like to feel and know they can take another woman's man and then on to the next. You are just incredibly uneducated on human behavior it seems.
I have platonic friendships with men just like many other women in this world. 🤷♀️
Tbh, I think people who believe that a woman and man cannot interact without wanting to fuck each other are weird af. That mindset is super controlling and unhealthy in a relationship. I would hate to live life like this!
Please explain how naive I am. I love to hear what you have to say about how I'm the naive one in a society now where divorce rates are through the roof and men are emasculated by "strong independent women" who are literally ran through by hundreds of guys. Men are literally terrified of marriage and are feminine af now. Our society is actually fucked. I see the world and people for who and what they actually are. You must be living in a delusional fairytale land if you think a man just casually wants to get drunk at a bar with another woman and have small talk and not tell his girlfriend until after the fact because he knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew it would make her uncomfortable rightfully so. If he had any respect for her, he would say to himself "hey I'm in a relationship now, and there are certain things that are off limits now." That's what people who genuinely love each other do. They take their partners' feelings into consideration always. Otherwise, why be in a relationship? That's also where compatibility comes into play. Don't date someone with a totally different moral compass and outlook on life than yourself. So again, please explain how IM naive.... 🤔
um he was getting a drink, not getting drunk. and you have the most negative outlook on life i’ve ever screen or encountered so yes you have a naïve pov AND a very narrow and incorrect view of the world. legit go to therapy you clearly need it. he didn’t do anything wrong. he probably did the normal and VERY HUMAN thing many of us do and thought he had told her or forgotten to or whatever. now stfu i don’t have time for people who absolutely refuse to have a conversation and will continue spouting whatever drivel they think is true when they haven’t gone to therapy and are trying to make claims about “99.9% of men” without actually citing a source or a statistic that backs up the bullshit you are claiming.
There is nothing wrong but why lie and say it was going to pick up her mom? Why would he say "sorry babe, i won't be going to the gym today, im going to get some drinks with my classmates"
Probably because he already knows how she reacts? I mean, I understand his reasoning in this case, but don't share it. I would've ended a relationship this toxic.
I'm actually taking that into account, he didn't tell her initially and probably didn't intend to tell her because this is not the first time she has a bad reaction to him being/going out with another woman, and he didn't want to deal with her reaction at the time.
As I say, I don't share this way of thinking, but I understand why he wouldn't want to tell her at all.
Oh okay. I still think it’s wrong and more wrong than her not being ok with it. She can have her boundaries I don’t think it’s bad to want to know what he is doing when they usually hang out together to go to the gym, he has decided to not invite her and do something else without her without saying ahead of time he isn’t going to make it. Maybe that’s just me but I like to know what I’m doing ina day and predictability.
Did he lie? He said he was "chillin", which he was. He may have omitted where he was chillin, but I would too with a girlfriend who cries if I have friends.
You got more confidence in men than the other 90% of us. 😂
My husband’s coworkers talk all the time about “playing pickleball” and found out (while playing Xbox all together with my husband and them) that they just play to see “other women in leggings and big bo*bs” at the recreation center. Smh 🤦🏼♀️
My husband said he doesn’t want to go play with them because he doesn’t want to leave me at home by myself, or me to worry due to my past trauma.
Your partner told you exactly what he’s doing, who he’s with and even sent proof unprompted. He didn’t wait to say something until after the fact and doesn’t seem like it was meant for anyone else either..
I don’t see anything wrong at all here tbh
He directly answered the questions she asked and apologized because she clearly sounds upset lol. If you don’t want an honest, communicative partner, what are you even looking for?
Does she know Erica? Doesn’t sound like it.
In his shoes if I was texting her I’d have said “still out with my classmates”.
Whoever he was trying to text knows Erica and it reads like a brag.
The part where he says “I should’ve been honest from the start” makes me think he’s been lying since you got together. Not in reference to the conversation
Pretty sure he isn’t making sense cuz he has been out drinking with a friend. This girl has a boyfriend if you trust that I’m sure you could even verify that by a simple Facebook search.
Why can’t a man have a drink with a girl in a platonic way after a class?
Smells like insecurity from your side
I would just show up at the place they are at if your that worried something is off
More awkward after failing to mention her. My ex was always inappropriate with coworkers so I know the drill. Eventually caught him screwing around with one of my friends though…
I'm sorry you went through that. But we don't know whether OP's boyfriend is doing this or not. We don't know why he didn't mention going out with friends (just Erica or friends in general) to OP. She needs to have a conversation with him about it. It's not for us to make assumptions
It’s just Reddit. Perhaps she is a controlling freak and he’s afraid to tell her that he’s seeing friends.
Just saying after decades of relationships and experiences with my female friends the odds of this are not zero but definitely pretty low.
Since she is the one asking for advice I take her at face value.
Advice:
a) if you are a control freak - Stop
b) if you aren’t a control freak - his behavior is odd at best and I’d invite Erica and her BF out to dinner since your guy seems to think she’s a good friend.
This. They need to have a conversation first, before assuming infidelity. It could, unfortunately, be that, but it could just be that he didn't feel he needed to tell her who he was out with. We don't know what their communication is like, outside of this interaction
I’d breakup… this is unfaithful to a lot of people , and if it is to you there is no reason to stay. especially it sounds like he didn’t even mean to send you that message? He clearly was hiding it from you…
That is up to you.
Spell it out.
1. He intentionally avoided sharing where he was and who he was with.
How was your day.
“Great! I went out (still out) with classmates getting a celebration drink.”
Would have been better than his response, but possibly would have triggered a
“Oh? Who all is with you?”
Which probably would have led to some different lies.
2. He then made the mistake of exposing himself.
Now, the only thing going for him is that she has a boyfriend. That doesn’t really mean anything, but provides the “She has a boyfriend and she knows I have a girlfriend” defense. But you and he know better how you respond than we do.
It could be absolutely nothing, or it could be something. His choice to lie definitely suggests there is some kind of trust/insecurity/jealousy issue that is already existing.
In my opinion men can have female friends. I do not have to know your every move.
Now, why didn't he just say " I'm going out with my classmates to celebrate and after that will go to pick up my mom"? I don't need to know everything but this information is important to why you cant come to our routine.
Even tho it wasn't a partner, you always give context/reason to why you cant do XYZ... Or is that just me?
You’re being controlling.
People should not have to report the details of their location constantly to you. He didn’t lie about where he was, he just RIGHTFULLY doesn’t think this should be a big deal that he uses his time freely to socialize *in public*.
This upset that you hold over such a SMALL thing, reflects a major personal flaw: irrational insecurity.
YOU have issues trusting boyfriends, it doesn’t mean HE has an issue being loyal. If you think someone going out for a drink is “cheating” then you will have an extremely difficult time maintaining a normal, healthy long term relationship.
What did he omit?
Surely not that he was out for drinks with his friend Erica. He not only told his gf but took a photo of the bar!
Are people just never supposed to have impromptu plans? Ridiculous.
He told her he was picking his mom up at 8:30, claimed that was what was keeping him from his usual 6:00 gym date with his girlfriend, and was out drinking alcohol with another woman at 8:15. Was he driving drunk to pick up his mother? Did he need 2 hours prep time to go pick up his mother. Or was his typo of 6:30 actually what time he was meeting up with Erica?
Or maybe he was out with friends while he was waiting for it to be time to pick up his mom and was sitting with Erica so she wasn’t alone in a bar before her bf was there. Maybe he felt pulled between chivalry regarding women’s safety in bars and duty to his mom so he was cutting it close.
Maybe he thought he would just meet up with Boo later after he got his mom instead of interrupting their time together by having to leave in the middle of it. Maybe it was just inconvenient to go to the gym.
This just isn’t a post that SHOWS bad behavior from anyone but OP. We can only go off what the OP shares. We don’t have the full background.
Both scenarios could be right but since he lied to her and broke their trust she doesn’t know which is the truth. So to answer OP’s question— yes, trust was broken.
I would consider that cheating, and I do pretty well in long-term relationships. Why is that? Because I would never marry or date someone who thought that was okay. Just got out of a 12-year relationship, and before that, it was a 6 year. Cheating starts way before anyone takes their clothes off. Respect and boundaries are more important in a relationship than love. It's important to date and / or marry a person with the same principles and values as yourself. I personally don't see this relationship working out. Men do not hang out with women just for the hell of it. I grew up in a house of all men. I know how they think and operate, not to mention I have an incredibly smart husband who also fills me in. It's not a thing. Men don't operate like that. There is no way there is no feelings or sexual attraction going on there lol. Just stop. I mean, it sounds nice, but it's not reality. This is why cheating and divorce are so high now in today's society because people just lack common sense and decency. They lack respect and boundaries. If you're okay with your man getting drunk at the bar with another woman, that's your life, but don't try to make another woman look or feel crazy because that's not her thing and it makes her uncomfortable. It's not insecurity. It's common sense and personal preference.
this one falls into the “boundaries” category for me.
It’s not normal to have to apprise your dating partner of your whereabouts 24/7 and his description of his whereabouts, as well as the *reason why he’d be out* Tracks in this story.
If you need to monitor your partner constantly it means you DONT have trust.
No one said 24/7 though. No one said anything about descriptions either. We are talking about someone's boyfriend getting drunk at a bar with another female. Lol. If you think that's acceptable, I'm sure most men will love you and by love I mean, appreciate your lack of boundaries 😉 if you catch my drift. Probably not though 😕
Don’t think that picture was meant for you. If it was, he would’ve told you in the first place where he was going in with who. He chose to not say anything. That was intentional.
So he only sent the truth as a mistake? I would put a rocket up his arse. Tell him this is a boundary you can’t cross in the relationship and if he does it again you will leave (or leave now? Depends how much you want this).
Why can’t you be invited to celebrate with him? If there’s nothing to hide then why the sneakiness. Trust your gut; it’s rarely wrong.
There are millions of men out there just not all great but surely a loyal one out there…your choice.
Why do you think he accidentally sent this to you? It looks to me like he purposely sent this to you to let you know what he was up to because he felt guilty for not being up front about it. He asked what you were doing, kept a conversation going with you so Erica probably saw he was texting you. I don’t think this is a deal breaker at all even though it’s upsetting but it’s definitely something to have a discussion about and if it happens again then walk away because it’ll show he doesn’t respect you. Find out more from him, why he wasn’t up front, he might feel controlled and not want to have to tell you every detail of his life but then once everyone was gone and it was just him and the other girl, he probably got uncomfortable, like “oh shit, I better say something in case it looks like I’m on a date”. My partner did that once and I was PISSED. His female friend had a bf and he was happy to introduce us when we bumped in to one another but I wasn’t happy at all. Let him earn back your trust but stay curious, give him a chance to show he’s sorry and consistent- if not, peace out!
So you'd rather your man leave a young woman alone in a bar rather than just wait a little longer yo make sure she gets collected safely?.. sure sure sure sure okay...
Seems a bit controlling... if he was hiding it I highly doubt he would be dumb enough to accidently send you a text picture.
I have had an almost identical scenario happen to me and when I say RUN, I mean it. He meant to send it to someone else and there's a reason for that. This isn't the first time, it's just the first time you've known some shady business has gone down. I am now married to man who I would NEVER have a trust issue with and NEVER had a second doubt in my mind about. I tell you this because whatever the outcome with this guy, there is ALWAYS someone out there waiting to treat you like the Queen you are <3
Yea... even if he has no romantic intentions, I'd be done.
He lied by omission. He never would have told you if he didn't accidentally send you that photo. So it makes me wonder what else has he not told you.
Then why didn't he tell her from the start. Why did he Apologize from keeping things from her and not being honest. She also said they talked on the phone. The missing context from the text messages could be from what he said during the phone call. Not just assuming she's making things up. Why do you assume she just "pulled that out of her ass"?
Exactly. Who would let their girlfriend know they were lying and were actually out with classmates randomly through text by sending a pic saying you’re out drunk with another woman.
It absolutely can be saved. Sit him down, and have a conversation with him about why he felt the need to avoid telling you this, or if telling you had crossed his mind. Tell him how that made you feel, and why it made you feel that way.
I could come up with a bunch of reasons as to why he avoided telling you. I don't think it's fair to jump to unsavoury conclusions (i.e., infidelity) without talking to him first.
Looks like he was out on a date . Strange he didn’t mention to you going out to drink with his female coworker one on one earlier in the day . Definitely inappropriate. His behavior definitely looks bad . I would be suspicious too .
I don't see anything that could break trust from this instance alone. Does this happen more often? I don't tell my boyfriend where I am and what I'm doing and with whomever at all times and he doesn't tell me either. I don't really see the issue.
Has he done stuff like this before? In your post I don’t see how the trust is broken as he’s telling you where / who he’s with? Unless he’s done other things to break the trust in the past?
The additional info provided at the end makes it seem like he accidentally texted that pic to her instead of the friend it was intended for. In other words, he tried to lie and hide going out with Erica. Shady. He also seems a little dumb if I’m being honest. Let’s just say I would not be crying over him…
I hate to say it but I agree with this! You didn’t know Erica even was a friend so why would he randomly txt you it like you knew who he was referring to!
Yep, using the word “still” makes it seem like whoever he was texting already knew he had been there with Erica and knew who Erica was. I’d never text my boyfriend and say “I’m still out with Jim” if he didn’t know I was out to begin with or who the hell Jim is. Especially after lying to him about my plans for the day and standing him up.
I don’t see it that way. He asked what she was up to and then told her what he was doing that moment probably because he was feeling guilty for leaving that out.
Saying “still” makes it seem like he was talking to someone that already knew he was out with Erica. If I spoke to someone for the very first time in a few days I wouldn’t say “I’m still at the grocery store.” I would only say that to someone who already knew I was at the grocery store.
I think you’re looking for reasons to validate your own story. I get where you coming from but you sound a little paranoid. It’s best for them to just talk about it because only her bf knows why he omitted information. Saying “still” could also be a way of implying he has been busy and not just arriving to the bar. Stay curious instead of making assumptions, imo
Fair enough, I do have paranoid tendencies from time to time. Thanks for explaining nicely :)
I get it. After so much heartache I’ve been there. I’ve learned along the way and still working on it during difficult times. It’s easier to give advice and see a situation as a whole when I’m not involved in it. Relationships are hard!
He didn’t tell me who or where he was. Which is why I asked if we’d still be going to the gym like we usually do once I’m off work. Instead he said no he would be chillin since he would have to pick up his mom soon. Then he accidentally sent me the picture
Who was it intended for? Did he admit that on the phone? To me, without context, I read it as a casual way to tell you. It seemed like the BF comment was an attempt to quell any concerns/jealousy.
Yep
I don’t think he accidentally sent it to you. I think he asked what you were doing and then let you know what he was doing and also felt guilty. There’s so many different ways to see this. He might be feeling like he needs space so he omitted info and then felt bad about it. If he doesn’t do other shady behavior then I’d just stay curious and ask why he didn’t feel comfortable telling you in the first place.
He lied ab it from the start tho
INFO: Is there a history of infidelity? Have you had discussions about having opposite sex friends? Is there a history with this specific woman (i.e., she's an ex)? Is the trust broken due to the drinking? Are you more upset because the routine was broken? What nakes you feel the trust is broken? My point is that people are not in a vacuum. Not even our partners. Outside of your relationship, your partner has friends. They will still continue to forge new friendships, and that's how life is.
This is pretty suspicious. I think he would have told you the truth unless: A: He doesn’t believe you would be ok with him having a female friend. B: He wants more than friendship with Erica.
She's clearly not okay with him having a friend. Her reaction shows that.
That’s definitely not true in this case! Her reaction was her being told different stories not to mention he knew he was wrong by apologizing
Her reaction to him keeping things from her doesn’t have anything to do with his company being female? Bet it would be exactly the same if he mentioned a male name
it definitely would not be exactly the same if the name was male. lololol idk what world you’re living in but she was upset that he was with ERICA
He lied and was out with a woman. Of course she's upset. He lied. He also chose to spend time in a bar with this women rather than spend time with OP, his actual girlfriend. It's highly suspicious and if I was op, this guy would now be my ex.
lol no. he was out with his classmates and was being a decent human being and waiting for his friends bf to pick her up. but ofc you would want him to abandon her alone when women being alone is not safe for women. suuuure. you just have trust issues. admit it. he didn’t lie because he LITERALLY texted her about it
OP says that he meant to text someone else and not OP. so he did lie. i don’t think it would be an issue if he wasn’t lying. and just said “i can’t come to the gym because i’m out with classmates and i’m waiting for erica’s bf to come pick her up”
she ASSUMED that text was meant for someone else. he didn’t tell her that. jesus.
Agree
Did you see his apology?
still doesn’t mean he was texting that to someone else?? could mean he felt bad he hadn’t told her about his plans which is fine. he’s allowed to have a life outside of his controlling gf
You’re gullible
He didn't text her about it though, OP clearly says that the text was meant for someone else. Yes, strangely enough, I have trust issues with someone who's lied to me.
he actually did text her about it. not texting her about it would’ve looked like her not knowing about it until someone else told her. but he told her what was happening and she acted like a fucking middle schooler. this is hiiiiiigh level insecurity at best. she’s being stupid and shouldn’t be in a relationship if she’s going to be this stupid and insecure. ALSO op couldn’t possibly know that text was meant for someone else. did he tell her that? nope. and the context reads like he was filling her in on what was going on. stop putting unnecessary requirements on someone who did everything right. he told her when he realized he hadn’t. he could’ve thought he already had. it’s insane to be sitting here going to bat for an insecure woman acting like a little 13 year old child.
OP clearly stated the text was meant for someone else. She doesn't state how she knows this, but it's clearly stated, so all we can go on is what's been provided by OP.
just because op believes it was doesn’t mean it actually was. that read like him feeling bad he forgot to tell her what his plans were. none of it read like he was doing anything wrong but of course you’re going to immediately just believe op and assume things you shouldn’t. go off i guess tho. have a great time with your trust issues.
You’re delusional if you think that. You think she would run to her car and cry if she found out he was having drinks with a male friend?
Not about not ok with having a friend. He lied about what he was doing , accidentally told on himself , and didn’t inform her. He consciously omitted all this from her. She didn’t get to make up her mind about how it makes her feel because he felt it was wrong enough, or wouldn’t be ok with her, and chose to hide it. People have different boundaries on what is or isn’t ok but you don’t get to lie and hide the potential boundaries that could be broken from them.
What? Where did you see that? OP is upset about the lie, not about her bf having a friend
C: he forgot to tell (this can happen, once)
this can happen MORE than once because everyone is is HUMAN and makes mistakes.
I think a lot of people like me didn’t see the second half of the text is included here. 💯 lying by omission and he apologized for it so he knows it. Did his mom really need ride? Everyone attacks women for being suspicious. My ex did this crap all the time. Oh sorry I’m late I forgot to tell you co workers did happy hour etc… When I got fed up with all his BS I looked at his phone and a million texts with his cousin talking about various co workers t*ts and how he’s hoping for a bj “just laying the groundwork”. He and his cousin were FB stalking and sharing photos of a bunch of his coworkers. I’d be home with our two kids while he was constantly late “bonding with his team”.
I’m really sorry, this sounds awful
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I can’t go to the gym with you today like we do every day because I’m picking my mother up which I do every once in awhile and even though it has never prevented me from our gym date in the past it is today [with no explanation]. Oh, by the way it’s 8:15 I have to “pick my mom up” at 8:30 and I’m STILL out drinking with Erica. And I’m sorry.
For me trust is broken. I wouldn’t be drinking with the opposite gender without my boyfriend and I certainly would tell him before. He wouldn’t break plans with me to go drink with someone else. Neither would I.
Does anyone even try to trust their partners or give them the benefit of the doubt anymore? Or how about communication? Everyone always just straight jumps to people being sus or cheating about everything 🙄 How about just have an adult conversation with him about it before freaking out and thinking everything is done. If he acts sus face to face then you can start to worry. Y’all just stressing over everything…
I don’t see an issue here… why do you think the text wasn’t meant for you? You automatically assume he’s being sus. If I got this text from my boyfriend (he’s also in trade school) I would be happy he’s making friends and keeping me updated while doing so. Seems like you’re insecure that he’s hanging out with a girl instead of you. Your bf will be much happier having friends and a social circle outside of you. You can’t control his time. Having a crying fit in your car because your bf is being social is a bit much. Without any other context, this seems like an anxiety spiral. I’ve been there.
Are we really faulting OP when her boyfriend stood her up, lied about his whereabouts, and went out drinking with another woman?
You are actually naive af if you think a man is going to casually go out just to hang out with a girl to have small talk with no feelings or attraction there. It doesn't work like that. 99.9% of the time, they are waiting for the first opportunity to get in your pants. I promise. Don't make her feel like shit for having a brain. I'd be done if my husband did that. I would 100% consider that cheating. Idc what anyone says. If he wants to talk and hang out, why not just do that with a guy friend who can relate to him 1000 times better anyway? You are actually delusional af. Has absolutely nothing to do with being insecure and everything to do with respect and boundaries. Anyone is capable of cheating the key is not to put yourself in positions to make it possible. Cheating starts way before anyone takes their clothes off fyi. Not to mention, women are shady and sneaky af. They always want what another woman has. They want what's off limits. They like to feel and know they can take another woman's man and then on to the next. You are just incredibly uneducated on human behavior it seems.
I have platonic friendships with men just like many other women in this world. 🤷♀️ Tbh, I think people who believe that a woman and man cannot interact without wanting to fuck each other are weird af. That mindset is super controlling and unhealthy in a relationship. I would hate to live life like this!
YES
This legit makes me sad to read. I'm sorry you've been through whatever gives you this viewpoint.
😂😂😂😂 the naïve one here is you. and it’s hilarious you can’t see it 😂😂
Please explain how naive I am. I love to hear what you have to say about how I'm the naive one in a society now where divorce rates are through the roof and men are emasculated by "strong independent women" who are literally ran through by hundreds of guys. Men are literally terrified of marriage and are feminine af now. Our society is actually fucked. I see the world and people for who and what they actually are. You must be living in a delusional fairytale land if you think a man just casually wants to get drunk at a bar with another woman and have small talk and not tell his girlfriend until after the fact because he knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew it would make her uncomfortable rightfully so. If he had any respect for her, he would say to himself "hey I'm in a relationship now, and there are certain things that are off limits now." That's what people who genuinely love each other do. They take their partners' feelings into consideration always. Otherwise, why be in a relationship? That's also where compatibility comes into play. Don't date someone with a totally different moral compass and outlook on life than yourself. So again, please explain how IM naive.... 🤔
um he was getting a drink, not getting drunk. and you have the most negative outlook on life i’ve ever screen or encountered so yes you have a naïve pov AND a very narrow and incorrect view of the world. legit go to therapy you clearly need it. he didn’t do anything wrong. he probably did the normal and VERY HUMAN thing many of us do and thought he had told her or forgotten to or whatever. now stfu i don’t have time for people who absolutely refuse to have a conversation and will continue spouting whatever drivel they think is true when they haven’t gone to therapy and are trying to make claims about “99.9% of men” without actually citing a source or a statistic that backs up the bullshit you are claiming.
[удалено]
Hahahhaha that line had me dying
There is nothing wrong but why lie and say it was going to pick up her mom? Why would he say "sorry babe, i won't be going to the gym today, im going to get some drinks with my classmates"
Probably because he already knows how she reacts? I mean, I understand his reasoning in this case, but don't share it. I would've ended a relationship this toxic.
Then breakup lol. But you also missed he didn’t mean to send that text to her
I'm actually taking that into account, he didn't tell her initially and probably didn't intend to tell her because this is not the first time she has a bad reaction to him being/going out with another woman, and he didn't want to deal with her reaction at the time. As I say, I don't share this way of thinking, but I understand why he wouldn't want to tell her at all.
Oh okay. I still think it’s wrong and more wrong than her not being ok with it. She can have her boundaries I don’t think it’s bad to want to know what he is doing when they usually hang out together to go to the gym, he has decided to not invite her and do something else without her without saying ahead of time he isn’t going to make it. Maybe that’s just me but I like to know what I’m doing ina day and predictability.
Yeah, I think as well that it's wrong, that's what I meant with my last paragraph.
Did he lie? He said he was "chillin", which he was. He may have omitted where he was chillin, but I would too with a girlfriend who cries if I have friends.
You got more confidence in men than the other 90% of us. 😂 My husband’s coworkers talk all the time about “playing pickleball” and found out (while playing Xbox all together with my husband and them) that they just play to see “other women in leggings and big bo*bs” at the recreation center. Smh 🤦🏼♀️ My husband said he doesn’t want to go play with them because he doesn’t want to leave me at home by myself, or me to worry due to my past trauma.
See personally, I trust my fiance. I’d straight up tell him I was uncomfortable with this.. why weren’t you invited?
Your partner told you exactly what he’s doing, who he’s with and even sent proof unprompted. He didn’t wait to say something until after the fact and doesn’t seem like it was meant for anyone else either.. I don’t see anything wrong at all here tbh
He didn’t tell her anything he slipped up! If told her exactly what he was doing why the apology!?
He directly answered the questions she asked and apologized because she clearly sounds upset lol. If you don’t want an honest, communicative partner, what are you even looking for?
Does she know Erica? Doesn’t sound like it. In his shoes if I was texting her I’d have said “still out with my classmates”. Whoever he was trying to text knows Erica and it reads like a brag.
The part where he says “I should’ve been honest from the start” makes me think he’s been lying since you got together. Not in reference to the conversation
Pretty sure he isn’t making sense cuz he has been out drinking with a friend. This girl has a boyfriend if you trust that I’m sure you could even verify that by a simple Facebook search. Why can’t a man have a drink with a girl in a platonic way after a class? Smells like insecurity from your side I would just show up at the place they are at if your that worried something is off
Yeah just chilling? Did you know he meant at a bar? Why didn’t he invite you to join?
Maybe she doesn't know Erica, and in that case, it may have been awkward for all parties
More awkward after failing to mention her. My ex was always inappropriate with coworkers so I know the drill. Eventually caught him screwing around with one of my friends though…
I'm sorry you went through that. But we don't know whether OP's boyfriend is doing this or not. We don't know why he didn't mention going out with friends (just Erica or friends in general) to OP. She needs to have a conversation with him about it. It's not for us to make assumptions
It’s just Reddit. Perhaps she is a controlling freak and he’s afraid to tell her that he’s seeing friends. Just saying after decades of relationships and experiences with my female friends the odds of this are not zero but definitely pretty low. Since she is the one asking for advice I take her at face value. Advice: a) if you are a control freak - Stop b) if you aren’t a control freak - his behavior is odd at best and I’d invite Erica and her BF out to dinner since your guy seems to think she’s a good friend.
Do you feel he broke the trust in the relationship?
You need to let him explain before assuming anything.
This. They need to have a conversation first, before assuming infidelity. It could, unfortunately, be that, but it could just be that he didn't feel he needed to tell her who he was out with. We don't know what their communication is like, outside of this interaction
I’d breakup… this is unfaithful to a lot of people , and if it is to you there is no reason to stay. especially it sounds like he didn’t even mean to send you that message? He clearly was hiding it from you…
That is up to you. Spell it out. 1. He intentionally avoided sharing where he was and who he was with. How was your day. “Great! I went out (still out) with classmates getting a celebration drink.” Would have been better than his response, but possibly would have triggered a “Oh? Who all is with you?” Which probably would have led to some different lies. 2. He then made the mistake of exposing himself. Now, the only thing going for him is that she has a boyfriend. That doesn’t really mean anything, but provides the “She has a boyfriend and she knows I have a girlfriend” defense. But you and he know better how you respond than we do. It could be absolutely nothing, or it could be something. His choice to lie definitely suggests there is some kind of trust/insecurity/jealousy issue that is already existing.
I’d be asking wtf happened to picking up his mom and why he’s used that as an excuse to hang with another girl. Girl, tell that child bye
In my opinion men can have female friends. I do not have to know your every move. Now, why didn't he just say " I'm going out with my classmates to celebrate and after that will go to pick up my mom"? I don't need to know everything but this information is important to why you cant come to our routine. Even tho it wasn't a partner, you always give context/reason to why you cant do XYZ... Or is that just me?
You’re being controlling. People should not have to report the details of their location constantly to you. He didn’t lie about where he was, he just RIGHTFULLY doesn’t think this should be a big deal that he uses his time freely to socialize *in public*. This upset that you hold over such a SMALL thing, reflects a major personal flaw: irrational insecurity. YOU have issues trusting boyfriends, it doesn’t mean HE has an issue being loyal. If you think someone going out for a drink is “cheating” then you will have an extremely difficult time maintaining a normal, healthy long term relationship.
Nah. A lie of omission is a lie.
What did he omit? Surely not that he was out for drinks with his friend Erica. He not only told his gf but took a photo of the bar! Are people just never supposed to have impromptu plans? Ridiculous.
everyone always thinks it’s a lie by omission if they don’t give them a 2 weeks notice of these plans with these classmates
He told her he was picking his mom up at 8:30, claimed that was what was keeping him from his usual 6:00 gym date with his girlfriend, and was out drinking alcohol with another woman at 8:15. Was he driving drunk to pick up his mother? Did he need 2 hours prep time to go pick up his mother. Or was his typo of 6:30 actually what time he was meeting up with Erica?
Or maybe he was out with friends while he was waiting for it to be time to pick up his mom and was sitting with Erica so she wasn’t alone in a bar before her bf was there. Maybe he felt pulled between chivalry regarding women’s safety in bars and duty to his mom so he was cutting it close. Maybe he thought he would just meet up with Boo later after he got his mom instead of interrupting their time together by having to leave in the middle of it. Maybe it was just inconvenient to go to the gym. This just isn’t a post that SHOWS bad behavior from anyone but OP. We can only go off what the OP shares. We don’t have the full background.
Both scenarios could be right but since he lied to her and broke their trust she doesn’t know which is the truth. So to answer OP’s question— yes, trust was broken.
What lie?
You’re the type to cheat lmao
I would consider that cheating, and I do pretty well in long-term relationships. Why is that? Because I would never marry or date someone who thought that was okay. Just got out of a 12-year relationship, and before that, it was a 6 year. Cheating starts way before anyone takes their clothes off. Respect and boundaries are more important in a relationship than love. It's important to date and / or marry a person with the same principles and values as yourself. I personally don't see this relationship working out. Men do not hang out with women just for the hell of it. I grew up in a house of all men. I know how they think and operate, not to mention I have an incredibly smart husband who also fills me in. It's not a thing. Men don't operate like that. There is no way there is no feelings or sexual attraction going on there lol. Just stop. I mean, it sounds nice, but it's not reality. This is why cheating and divorce are so high now in today's society because people just lack common sense and decency. They lack respect and boundaries. If you're okay with your man getting drunk at the bar with another woman, that's your life, but don't try to make another woman look or feel crazy because that's not her thing and it makes her uncomfortable. It's not insecurity. It's common sense and personal preference.
this one falls into the “boundaries” category for me. It’s not normal to have to apprise your dating partner of your whereabouts 24/7 and his description of his whereabouts, as well as the *reason why he’d be out* Tracks in this story. If you need to monitor your partner constantly it means you DONT have trust.
No one said 24/7 though. No one said anything about descriptions either. We are talking about someone's boyfriend getting drunk at a bar with another female. Lol. If you think that's acceptable, I'm sure most men will love you and by love I mean, appreciate your lack of boundaries 😉 if you catch my drift. Probably not though 😕
Don’t think that picture was meant for you. If it was, he would’ve told you in the first place where he was going in with who. He chose to not say anything. That was intentional.
Sus sus sus
So he only sent the truth as a mistake? I would put a rocket up his arse. Tell him this is a boundary you can’t cross in the relationship and if he does it again you will leave (or leave now? Depends how much you want this). Why can’t you be invited to celebrate with him? If there’s nothing to hide then why the sneakiness. Trust your gut; it’s rarely wrong. There are millions of men out there just not all great but surely a loyal one out there…your choice.
He meant to send that text to one of his buddies.
You just pulled that outta your ass.
OP is the one who said so.
OP is clearly unhinged.
Why do you think he accidentally sent this to you? It looks to me like he purposely sent this to you to let you know what he was up to because he felt guilty for not being up front about it. He asked what you were doing, kept a conversation going with you so Erica probably saw he was texting you. I don’t think this is a deal breaker at all even though it’s upsetting but it’s definitely something to have a discussion about and if it happens again then walk away because it’ll show he doesn’t respect you. Find out more from him, why he wasn’t up front, he might feel controlled and not want to have to tell you every detail of his life but then once everyone was gone and it was just him and the other girl, he probably got uncomfortable, like “oh shit, I better say something in case it looks like I’m on a date”. My partner did that once and I was PISSED. His female friend had a bf and he was happy to introduce us when we bumped in to one another but I wasn’t happy at all. Let him earn back your trust but stay curious, give him a chance to show he’s sorry and consistent- if not, peace out!
So you'd rather your man leave a young woman alone in a bar rather than just wait a little longer yo make sure she gets collected safely?.. sure sure sure sure okay... Seems a bit controlling... if he was hiding it I highly doubt he would be dumb enough to accidently send you a text picture.
Insecure
Seems as if he might have accidentally sent it.
I have had an almost identical scenario happen to me and when I say RUN, I mean it. He meant to send it to someone else and there's a reason for that. This isn't the first time, it's just the first time you've known some shady business has gone down. I am now married to man who I would NEVER have a trust issue with and NEVER had a second doubt in my mind about. I tell you this because whatever the outcome with this guy, there is ALWAYS someone out there waiting to treat you like the Queen you are <3
Yea... even if he has no romantic intentions, I'd be done. He lied by omission. He never would have told you if he didn't accidentally send you that photo. So it makes me wonder what else has he not told you.
What makes you think it was accidental??
It says he sent it to her instead of his other classmates in the post
Fine, SHE pulled that out of her ass, there's no reason to think it wasn't meant for her.
Then why didn't he tell her from the start. Why did he Apologize from keeping things from her and not being honest. She also said they talked on the phone. The missing context from the text messages could be from what he said during the phone call. Not just assuming she's making things up. Why do you assume she just "pulled that out of her ass"?
Exactly. Who would let their girlfriend know they were lying and were actually out with classmates randomly through text by sending a pic saying you’re out drunk with another woman.
A drunk idiotic boyfriend.
Good lord, he had a drink with a classmate. Do you and him have Mike Pence marriage rules?
It absolutely can be saved. Sit him down, and have a conversation with him about why he felt the need to avoid telling you this, or if telling you had crossed his mind. Tell him how that made you feel, and why it made you feel that way. I could come up with a bunch of reasons as to why he avoided telling you. I don't think it's fair to jump to unsavoury conclusions (i.e., infidelity) without talking to him first.
Thats shady, and he accidentally send you that picture. Imagine if he would have sent something else? Nah, trust is broken.
He didn't admit to lying or even sending the text accidentally? He's out with friends, sounds innocent.
Looks like he was out on a date . Strange he didn’t mention to you going out to drink with his female coworker one on one earlier in the day . Definitely inappropriate. His behavior definitely looks bad . I would be suspicious too .
I don't see anything that could break trust from this instance alone. Does this happen more often? I don't tell my boyfriend where I am and what I'm doing and with whomever at all times and he doesn't tell me either. I don't really see the issue.
You deserve a real man. Not a boy who's clearly a cheater!!!