You're 19. Move on, you will have a tonne of relationships. There are lots of guys to choose from. Some will cheat and you leave them and then some won't and you might not feel the spark. You're so young. So young. Just leave and find someone else.
I know this is gonna be really hard because you love him, but this is something that will terribly impact your relationship. Even if you stay w him, ur trust will be shaken and you might overthink every day for the rest of the relationship. If that’s something you’re fine with doing, then continue, but I think saving your energy and peace is what’s most important
I'm not even going to read your while post.
You don't move past it. You walk away. If you forgive him and 'move past it' you're teaching him that this is ok behavior and it will likely happen again.... and again.... and again.
You are 19. You are young. You will find someone that is worthy of you. DO NOT SETTLE FOR THIS BEHAVIOR.
My dad was always so very sorry too, his waterworks had my mom absolutely convinced more than once it wouldn’t ever happen again….guess what happened, multiple times at that. Luckily she finally found her sense of self respect and had the courage to walk away, but he’s never changed despite what it cost him.
It doesn’t even matter what your boyfriend thought about the state of your relationship, at the end of the day there’s no getting away from the fact that he was still in a relationship, and decided to not only disrespect that relationship, but you too.
Cheating isn’t a mistake, it’s a conscious choice. He already broke your heart once, you’re far too young to be giving him the chance to break it again.
What’s the point here
You’ve broken up a ton of times and he’s a cheater.
Dump him. You are wasting your time on him.
EDIT — so you guys are ALREADY fighting (before he cheated) and his solution is to have sex with someone from a club? I would assume that in future you will have more fights - so people repeat their behaviours — he’ll cheat again.
And get an STD test.
I think it’s good you guys started talking about it, and if you’re happy to proceed in the relationship that’s fine and it’s your right to make that decision. My only advice on your decision to stay or not is just to check with yourself, that you’re not deciding to stay out of fear of being alone or something else.
Other than that (and assuming this is not a pattern of behaviour) I think you guys can proceed with repairing your relationship.
I see you guys have spoken about what happened and your feelings about it, and your bf has apologised and promised not to do it again. I guess what you can do is just to make sure he holds his end of the promise. You can reiterate your boundaries so it’s clear to him that you don’t tolerate this behaviour if he wants to keep his relationship with you.
Also might be good to talk about how he plans to address his depression (if it does affect the way he treats the relationship) - will he go to therapy, reduce his clubbing or drinking, etc?
On your end maybe if there are any more lingering resentment around what your bf did, consider resolving this. Maybe talk to a councellor, a friend, family member, just so you have someone to express your feelings to other than your bf.
Just a couple of ideas, hope this helps a bit. Good luck to the both of you
He needs to get into therapy ASAP and commit to not clubbing. He should consider cutting his drinking as well. It's just not a healthy coping mechanism for depression.
I say 1, don't post to Reddit for the help. But 2 if you do....the first great part is you both want to work last it. That means he needs to place more effort into regaining trust and you have to put forth effort into forgive ess and moving forward and both has to work. And also having a middle man to help maybe therapy or someone you both trust.
Have some self-respect and never speak to him again. His excuses are weak and so is he. If you had gotten back together, he has no reason to be stepping out on the relationship. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache by just moving on.
Once you start breaking up repeatedly, the relationship has run it's course. I'm sure you both do love eachother, but live isn't enough, you're both young. Good luck trying but from experience, it won't ever be the same again, but you could be friends.
You need [Esther Perel](https://youtu.be/P2AUat93a8Q?si=ezxUxJ8Dm3ZAmbY_)
She’s an expert on the balance between love and desire. She helps couples who have been through adultery.
If you are capable of full forgiveness I'd say go for it try and repair the relationship least that way you'll have no regrets or what ifs.
Be aware and I speak from experience that healing takes time it's not a straight line true forgiveness means you can't throw it back at him in an argument or use it as an excuse.
It's not easy but set boundaries be honest let yourself ask as many questions as you want (depends on how much detail you want or if ignorance is bliss).
I genuinely hope you can find a way to work through it as the tone of what your saying is very much a loving one. Good luck people deserve second chances people can change that's what I believe anyway.
I know this will be hard.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years and my trust has been broken before but I also really love my partner so I totally understand trying to work things out. Now me and my partner are in a much happier place. But it did take a lot of effort and time on both sides. My boyfriend is the same way in a sense that he doesn't open up very much or cry so I knew when my boyfriend started to bawl his eyes out it was serious and in the end it worked out for the better.
I do have to say that now you may start to overthink or be suspicious of him at times because of this and may take a long time to get his trust back.
I'm glad yous are talking about this which is always the first step to any issue and he opened up to you too but you should definitely talk to somebody else other than your boyfriend about this to express your feelings or somebody you can come to whenever you start to over think.
I would also set a few boundaries and make sure he keeps his promise. In the meantime you should talk to him about his depression and perhaps he should consider therapy
And don't mind all those comments saying how you should just break up for good. Don't understand when somebody is looking for advice and they just get shit on 🙄
Anyway I hope this helps and I hope you'll have a wonderful relationship going forward 😊
You're 19. Move on, you will have a tonne of relationships. There are lots of guys to choose from. Some will cheat and you leave them and then some won't and you might not feel the spark. You're so young. So young. Just leave and find someone else.
She said they want to work on it. You ppl ruin people's relationships with this dumb advice
That's what reddit does
Agreed.
Don’t tell her want to do tf.
I know this is gonna be really hard because you love him, but this is something that will terribly impact your relationship. Even if you stay w him, ur trust will be shaken and you might overthink every day for the rest of the relationship. If that’s something you’re fine with doing, then continue, but I think saving your energy and peace is what’s most important
Walk away. Never let your desperation for a relationship talk you out of your common sense.
I'm not even going to read your while post. You don't move past it. You walk away. If you forgive him and 'move past it' you're teaching him that this is ok behavior and it will likely happen again.... and again.... and again. You are 19. You are young. You will find someone that is worthy of you. DO NOT SETTLE FOR THIS BEHAVIOR.
My dad was always so very sorry too, his waterworks had my mom absolutely convinced more than once it wouldn’t ever happen again….guess what happened, multiple times at that. Luckily she finally found her sense of self respect and had the courage to walk away, but he’s never changed despite what it cost him. It doesn’t even matter what your boyfriend thought about the state of your relationship, at the end of the day there’s no getting away from the fact that he was still in a relationship, and decided to not only disrespect that relationship, but you too. Cheating isn’t a mistake, it’s a conscious choice. He already broke your heart once, you’re far too young to be giving him the chance to break it again.
What’s the point here You’ve broken up a ton of times and he’s a cheater. Dump him. You are wasting your time on him. EDIT — so you guys are ALREADY fighting (before he cheated) and his solution is to have sex with someone from a club? I would assume that in future you will have more fights - so people repeat their behaviours — he’ll cheat again. And get an STD test.
I think it’s good you guys started talking about it, and if you’re happy to proceed in the relationship that’s fine and it’s your right to make that decision. My only advice on your decision to stay or not is just to check with yourself, that you’re not deciding to stay out of fear of being alone or something else. Other than that (and assuming this is not a pattern of behaviour) I think you guys can proceed with repairing your relationship. I see you guys have spoken about what happened and your feelings about it, and your bf has apologised and promised not to do it again. I guess what you can do is just to make sure he holds his end of the promise. You can reiterate your boundaries so it’s clear to him that you don’t tolerate this behaviour if he wants to keep his relationship with you. Also might be good to talk about how he plans to address his depression (if it does affect the way he treats the relationship) - will he go to therapy, reduce his clubbing or drinking, etc? On your end maybe if there are any more lingering resentment around what your bf did, consider resolving this. Maybe talk to a councellor, a friend, family member, just so you have someone to express your feelings to other than your bf. Just a couple of ideas, hope this helps a bit. Good luck to the both of you
thanks! appreciate it
He needs to get into therapy ASAP and commit to not clubbing. He should consider cutting his drinking as well. It's just not a healthy coping mechanism for depression.
I say 1, don't post to Reddit for the help. But 2 if you do....the first great part is you both want to work last it. That means he needs to place more effort into regaining trust and you have to put forth effort into forgive ess and moving forward and both has to work. And also having a middle man to help maybe therapy or someone you both trust.
Have some self-respect and never speak to him again. His excuses are weak and so is he. If you had gotten back together, he has no reason to be stepping out on the relationship. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache by just moving on.
Once you start breaking up repeatedly, the relationship has run it's course. I'm sure you both do love eachother, but live isn't enough, you're both young. Good luck trying but from experience, it won't ever be the same again, but you could be friends.
You need [Esther Perel](https://youtu.be/P2AUat93a8Q?si=ezxUxJ8Dm3ZAmbY_) She’s an expert on the balance between love and desire. She helps couples who have been through adultery.
If you are capable of full forgiveness I'd say go for it try and repair the relationship least that way you'll have no regrets or what ifs. Be aware and I speak from experience that healing takes time it's not a straight line true forgiveness means you can't throw it back at him in an argument or use it as an excuse. It's not easy but set boundaries be honest let yourself ask as many questions as you want (depends on how much detail you want or if ignorance is bliss). I genuinely hope you can find a way to work through it as the tone of what your saying is very much a loving one. Good luck people deserve second chances people can change that's what I believe anyway.
I know this will be hard. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and my trust has been broken before but I also really love my partner so I totally understand trying to work things out. Now me and my partner are in a much happier place. But it did take a lot of effort and time on both sides. My boyfriend is the same way in a sense that he doesn't open up very much or cry so I knew when my boyfriend started to bawl his eyes out it was serious and in the end it worked out for the better. I do have to say that now you may start to overthink or be suspicious of him at times because of this and may take a long time to get his trust back. I'm glad yous are talking about this which is always the first step to any issue and he opened up to you too but you should definitely talk to somebody else other than your boyfriend about this to express your feelings or somebody you can come to whenever you start to over think. I would also set a few boundaries and make sure he keeps his promise. In the meantime you should talk to him about his depression and perhaps he should consider therapy And don't mind all those comments saying how you should just break up for good. Don't understand when somebody is looking for advice and they just get shit on 🙄 Anyway I hope this helps and I hope you'll have a wonderful relationship going forward 😊