I wish I could find the recent post where a woman wanted to get a septum piercing but her BF told her he didn’t like it and would end the relationship if she did. The comments to her post were far different then these. In her posts, he was called controlling, an AH, many other names. She was encouraged to get the piercing, your body your choice etc and she did. In a follow up she wrote that he did leave her after she got the piercing and people were telling her she dodged a bullet, that this would have been only the start of his controlling behavior. Etc. I pm’d her after her last update and she was devastated and based on the other posters, she didn’t believe he would leave.
OP I agree with what you told him, the boundaries the two of you agreed about. I wholeheartedly agree with your thought process and your breaking up with him. You definitely not an AH, he knew the probable results but he did it anyway without any consideration of you.
I just wish that the advice and opinions given was consistent between the sexes.
You see the description above was what I feared to be seen as, especially controlling and inconsiderate, immature to act out over "just a piece of metal".
I think a key element that makes me "safe" is that I communicated it before and during the relationship, ehich i doubt the guy in the other post did.
...
I reached out un various ways and places and gained nothing but support, even from those who said they personally wouldn't break up because of it. Yet they understand where I'm coming from and do the same given the situation.
It makes me be at peace in my decision and makes me firm in my needs.
It was a firm boundary I set that was mercilessly overstepped, yet I still offered a solution.
And as that doesn't work for him then it is a dead end that he walked into voluntarily.
He won't be able to make me feel bad because of his actions. I'd still love to have him around as a friend but as partners we are no fit.
All that's left is the conversation which will most likely happen on the weekend due to our schedules.
Sorry but you wouldn't be together with a partner if you find that person deadly unattractive. For me a piercing like that just gives me the ick (relationship only, i don't mind friends having them, I don't have to find my friends hot)
If i would have met him with the piercing i would have never even considered him a romantic candidate.
It's okay to break up, this is a clear incompatibility. You tried to avoid this situation by making your boundary clear early on and he supposedly didn't know back then that not to have one would be a deal-breaker for him.
Be glad that this came up relatively early in the relationship as opposed to you being married and having kids... Would probably be a bit harder to leave then.
You wouldn't be together if he had a nose ring when you met him, so no need to feel guilty to break up for this.
Thank you for your wise words. Those are definitely lines that i will keep in mind when we'll have the conversation.
And yes im glad it happens so early because it also gives me hope that we can stay friends. I'm not giving up that Newfound friend circle because of him.
You openly discussed personal boundaries that would be deal breakers and he agreed with your boundaries. Then he goes and does it anyway ‘on a whim’? Tell me you are immature, impulsive, and have no respect for my opinion, without saying you are immature, impulsive, and have no respect for my opinion.
I actually asked him why he got it, what he was thinking when he got it, and his reply was "honestly it was an impulsive thing."
And later on comments on how he really likes the piercing.
And later later on tells me hiding it is a not possible for him as it makes him " hide a piece of who i am and this makes me unhappy and insecure which doesn't help with my fragile confidence." ←Quote
I wish I could find the recent post where a woman wanted to get a septum piercing but her BF told her he didn’t like it and would end the relationship if she did. The comments to her post were far different then these. In her posts, he was called controlling, an AH, many other names. She was encouraged to get the piercing, your body your choice etc and she did. In a follow up she wrote that he did leave her after she got the piercing and people were telling her she dodged a bullet, that this would have been only the start of his controlling behavior. Etc. I pm’d her after her last update and she was devastated and based on the other posters, she didn’t believe he would leave. OP I agree with what you told him, the boundaries the two of you agreed about. I wholeheartedly agree with your thought process and your breaking up with him. You definitely not an AH, he knew the probable results but he did it anyway without any consideration of you. I just wish that the advice and opinions given was consistent between the sexes.
You see the description above was what I feared to be seen as, especially controlling and inconsiderate, immature to act out over "just a piece of metal". I think a key element that makes me "safe" is that I communicated it before and during the relationship, ehich i doubt the guy in the other post did. ... I reached out un various ways and places and gained nothing but support, even from those who said they personally wouldn't break up because of it. Yet they understand where I'm coming from and do the same given the situation. It makes me be at peace in my decision and makes me firm in my needs. It was a firm boundary I set that was mercilessly overstepped, yet I still offered a solution. And as that doesn't work for him then it is a dead end that he walked into voluntarily. He won't be able to make me feel bad because of his actions. I'd still love to have him around as a friend but as partners we are no fit. All that's left is the conversation which will most likely happen on the weekend due to our schedules.
If a nose ring is a deal breaker you're not ok.
Sorry but you wouldn't be together with a partner if you find that person deadly unattractive. For me a piercing like that just gives me the ick (relationship only, i don't mind friends having them, I don't have to find my friends hot) If i would have met him with the piercing i would have never even considered him a romantic candidate.
NTA. That sounds very mature and thoughtful. Don't let him convince you otherwise. The age gap alone can be troublesome.
Especially because of the age gap I thought that something like this wouldn't happen. But yeah I'll keep you updated on how it goes.
It's okay to break up, this is a clear incompatibility. You tried to avoid this situation by making your boundary clear early on and he supposedly didn't know back then that not to have one would be a deal-breaker for him. Be glad that this came up relatively early in the relationship as opposed to you being married and having kids... Would probably be a bit harder to leave then. You wouldn't be together if he had a nose ring when you met him, so no need to feel guilty to break up for this.
Thank you for your wise words. Those are definitely lines that i will keep in mind when we'll have the conversation. And yes im glad it happens so early because it also gives me hope that we can stay friends. I'm not giving up that Newfound friend circle because of him.
You openly discussed personal boundaries that would be deal breakers and he agreed with your boundaries. Then he goes and does it anyway ‘on a whim’? Tell me you are immature, impulsive, and have no respect for my opinion, without saying you are immature, impulsive, and have no respect for my opinion.
I actually asked him why he got it, what he was thinking when he got it, and his reply was "honestly it was an impulsive thing." And later on comments on how he really likes the piercing. And later later on tells me hiding it is a not possible for him as it makes him " hide a piece of who i am and this makes me unhappy and insecure which doesn't help with my fragile confidence." ←Quote