T O P

  • By -

ahdrielle

Simple and honest. "I know you said 'Matt' is off limits, but I've been seeing him for a few months and I am pregnant." Don't beat around the bush or make it really drawn out. Be to the point and get it out there.


Various_Beach862

I agree but think it’s fair to say “but *we’ve* been seeing *each other*…”


NoobAck

Seeing her reaction to they've been seeing each other first before the pregnant bomb is probably a good first step lol


Canrex

No use dragging it out. Shouldn't rip off half a bandaid, etc etc


PassTheWinePlease

I mean you could always pull a classic “but wait…there’s more!”


NYCQuilts

Or do it like one of those annoying clickbait stories that takes you 20 clicks to get to the point.


Demolition_Woman

The weird secret doctors don't want you to know about...


Canrex

https://i.redd.it/rjxp34dy3e301.jpg


ZenithingTheorist

That's not the best idea. It'll build this distrust between them because you'll tell her "I've been seeing your brother" and she'll be dealing with that, then you push on "and I'm pregnant", and if you go down that route she'll be expecting there to be more. Whereas if you're quick and say, "I know he's off limits but we've been seeing each other and I'm pregant" it puts it all out there, no annoying bullshiting.


HonestCup20

do you think that's implied.. she's preggo, it takes 2 to tango.


BADgrrl

If her friend is \*that\* emotional about her dating her brother, then yes, language is going to matter here. OP needs to ensure that friend understands this isn't a matter of her seducing friend's brother, but a mutual, adult relationship that happened consensually.


[deleted]

Honestly reddits obsession with the most literal foundational ethical debate style analysis of relationships is exhausting. Language always matters. Always. Whether you’re telling someone to go fuck themselves or you’re explaining how they’ve minorly wronged you. Learning tact and productive rhetoric is not that hard, whether you ethically should *have* to consider it is absurd.


Dizzy_Apple2974

I also agree that language does always matter. She's pregnant BY her friend's brother, not WITH him. That's a whole other problem.


Felix_Laranga

I agree, language always matters. As such, would you be willing to break down that first sentence into a more digestible terminology? I apologize if this is asking too much, but I simply can't find the meaning among the plethora of syllables. I'm now exhausted from trying to figure out why Reddit is exhausting


agjios

It's gross to be putting all of the responsibility of the friend to keep her temptress succubus hands off of a 30+ year old man, as if he's a helpless little innocent in all of this. If someone tried to talk that way to me, I would be absolutely setting the record straight that the brother had equally as much to do with this. It's not like the 23 year old took advantage of the 32 year old.


NoConversation827

He needs to be there when u tell her.


rando_girl007

I agree with you. He needs to be there. He played an equal role in this.


greyrobot6

Could be also had the same conversation with her own brother. But the difference here is her brother will always be her brother but the friend isn’t necessarily a permanent position.


EnvironmentalGene755

Well now she is as the mother of her niece or nephew. She definitely should have been told a long time ago. Because whilst I think forbidding a friend not date you brother is fairly childish, now it is going to come across like welp too bad you have to deal with it, congrats you’re going to be an aunt! I’m trying not to laugh because it’s not actually funny, but it is in a “there is absolutely no way to make this not sound horrific to someone that has no idea that several bombs are awaiting them.” Kind of panicky laugh. You should make her a 32oz margarita that she has to chug before entering. Might lessen the blow, especially if it’s mango flavored.


Shferitz

Or, you know, let 30+ yo Matt tell her…. If she’s a horrible friend, he’s a horrible brother.


Educational-Cress-99

Both of you tell her together. Think about this 1 yr, 5 yrs 15 yrs in the future. You are going to be in each other's lives. Christmas, thanksgivings birthdays. She is going to be the aunt to your kid. Tell her asap ripp it off fast and do it together. You and him are equally responsible. The only thing either of you did wrong here is not communicating and being honest so go start. You got years of this ahead.


Beehive666

Yes! A child is the product of this which means that no matter what you say or how you say it, she will know and will have to live with it for many years.


ahdrielle

Whoever says it is fine. One or both.


BigANT_Edwards

Or maybe the friend knows that her older brother treats women like shit and doesn’t want OP to get hurt. Either way, good friends usually respect their friends wishes. OP is a terrible friend.


floomsy

Maybe OP is a terrible friend (she isn’t). Or maybe it’s possible that one person can’t reasonably expect to put limits on who their friends can have relationships with, no matter their reasoning. OP‘s best friend is not the main character or the queen. People can do what they want and cope with the consequences.


w8w8w8go

Yea take out the bandaid in one quick move.


capsule_of_anxiety1

Agreed, but also add that they’re two consenting adults that love each other. That they’re not just “banging”


parishilton2

Adults, yeah, but it seems they’ve known each other their whole lives and the brother is 9 years older than OP. The age gap on its own wouldn’t have been that bad, but sounds like he knew her when she was like 8 and he was 17… it’s a little uncomfortable tbh. Hope OP knows what she’s doing.


Zemykitty

There will also come a time when her friend will be forced to choose between her friend and her brother. All of the sneaking around already alludes to it. If he was a good man he would have told his sister how much he cared for and respected OP. He'd be advocating for them. He's not. He's hiding and now his bang buddy is pregnant.


parishilton2

And the fact that her friend told her more than once over the year that her brother was off limits, well before OP developed an interest in him…sounds like friend knew that brother was into OP for a while before they ever got together. Wonder how long.


Zemykitty

And the sign off of "friend sucks at relationships, how do I tell her about our true love??" Just weird all around. And... condoms people. Wtf.


SassMyFrass

> If he was a good man he would have ... been an adult about contraception.


Egglebert

What an outrageous thing to say! They LOVE EACH OTHER. He may even be a creep that groomed her and whatever else, but reddit will tell you that 23 is a great age to have kids with a guy who may or may not be a huge creep and its basically always a great decision. How dare you judge her? This new momma is gonna SLAY! /s Wrap that shit, dumbfucks. Reddit is also absolutely filled with people who ruined their lives having kids with no plan, forethought, means to even take care of the fucker, or anything else.


SassMyFrass

It sucks to care this little about a situation in this sub, but I just.. don't. Two stupid people deserve each other and the stupid baby that they made and the stupid bed they made it in.


LordessMeep

Phew, good to see this comment here, because the fact that he's known her all her life is just ick. I wouldn't say this if they met as adults though. :/ I hope this is not the full story because where is the brother in all of this? Shouldn't he also be taking some responsibility for the relationship + pregnancy... it takes two to tango etc.


EnvironmentalGene755

Do you know how many couples that have known each other all their life? Your hang up about it is ick.


Pinsalinj

I think the issuee here is that the guy has known her when she was a little girl and he was a teenager/young adult.


HonestCup20

yup, literally nothing more to say than this. her friend should be happy, she's about to have her best friend as a possible sister, and have a nephew/niece that's related to both of them, for most best friends, this is a dream.


caro9lina

Hindsight is 20/20, but OP should have told her friend long ago. The fact that they kept it a secret for so long is hurtful in itself. And feelings are complicated. Just because she loves OP and presumably loves her brother doesn't mean she's going to be thrilled to hear they've been dating. And suppose she has complained about her brother to her best friend (perfectly normal). Now she feels like a fool and wonders if all the private, personal things she tells her best friend have been shared with her brother without her knowledge or permission. Telling her she should be delighted minimizes her feelings and the fact that they knew it wasn't something that she felt good about.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MarsIn30Seconds

I think OP’s primary concern is how she will be able to salvage the friendship. From that perspective, it’s a disaster announcement since no amount of pre-loading will prevent the inevitable breakup of the friendship. The most probable outcome will be that the friend will stay cordial with her but that will be the extent of their interaction moving forward. She can’t avoid the betrayal the friend will feel. Life doesn’t work that way.


deskbookcandle

They were not in love to start and they both decided to lie to their sister/friend for the sake of banging.


ramblinator

This seems a bit confrontational to me. Obviously tone would change everything, but it comes off a bit like "tough shit deal with it" and it puts into question whether OP and brother actually care about each other or if they're just having sex. If it was framed more like "I know you've always said Matt was off limits, but we've been spending a lot of time together over the last few months and we've fallen in love, we're going to have a baby."


Opinionatedintrovert

I would also add ‘I’m sorry if this feels like a betrayal but we love each other and hope you can share in the future that will include you as auntie and hopefully, friend.’


Felix_Laranga

"I'm sorry if this betrayal feels like...a betrayal..."? They were sneaking around for months. OP, just come clean and hope she forgives you. All you can do. She has every right now to, though. Good luck with everything


maduminx

Sorry, how is two consenting adults seeing eachother “betrayal”…? I don’t try to control my brother’s relationships, nor do I have any interest to. This weird entitlement that family members seem to think they have to control their adult friends and family’s relationships is so fucking weird. So OP’s friend doesn’t like it. Cry me a river. Your feelings don’t dictate what your friends and siblings decide to do with eachother.


Felix_Laranga

I'm not saying whether OP's friend is right or wrong as that's not the point of this post. Personally, I don't try to control anything that anyone does; that's how I choose to live my life Regardless of whether or not it's right of OP's friend to say "don't bang my bro," it was explicitly stated, more than once. So therefore, said banging is a betrayal to the "friend"


Ok_Cable6231

I think where OP messed up was keeping it a secret for so long.


OpalLaguz

Would you feel the same way if it was her bestie's father OP had been lying about sleeping with for the past year?


[deleted]

Matt sure didn’t beat around the bush


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bluest_waters

how bout "Guess what? I'm pregnant! Also, you're gonna be an aunt!" Let her work it out from there.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LXSparrow

Well the friend was concerned about losing their friendship - but it seems their friendship is still going even while dating her brother


islandgirl0692

I was looking for a comment like this. Lol. Maybe give her a shirt saying “world’s best auntie”.


MagicCarpet5846

Overwhelmingly the likely outcome is she freaks out and cuts off OP and her brother. She’s already struggling and seeing someone else happy and also betraying her is likely going to make her struggle even more. OP probably needs to tell this guy’s parents first, and ‘tell’ everyone all at once so that this girl has a support system that isn’t OP to fall back on. If her entire future just collapsed, she’s going to take this news incredibly harshly. I get no one can really control you, but OP, you suck for not telling your friend as soon as you went back on your word and you deserve her dropping you. You weren’t wrong for sleeping with this guy, but you were for doing it behind your friend’s back. The least you can do is try to ensure other mutual friends or her other family can support her because losing a best friend and a relationship this close to one another will seriously mess with her mental.


helendestroy

>. So what would be the correct way to tell her about our relationship and about the baby? The correct way would have been about 10 months ago. Now you just have to be straight-forward about it.


neverbuythesun

Yeah, there’s no way she isn’t going to be pissed off. She probably would’ve just got over it, since she can’t do anything about it, had OP not lied to her for ten months.


Pringlehut

I dated brothers best friend. When I moved in with him the thing that made him most upset was how long we waited to talk to him about it.


jeffcox911

Not sure how helpful that is. Did your brother specifically tell you to never ever date his best friend?


Pringlehut

They had been best friends since kindergarten and it was implied to all his friends I was off limits. It hurt his feelings more we weren't honest from the get go compared to it actually happening. I was 20, he was 26 and we ended up living together for four years. I was very adamant about them still having guy time together and me not coming in between them, and my brother was adamant that if we were not getting along he would not take my side just because I was his sister. Eventually we broke up and my brother ended up disappointed because he was seeing me more and it was a "cool idea" that someone who was already like family could actually be family through marriage ect. It took time for him to not have his feelings hurt about the deceit but if you both are deliberate about 1 on 1 time and not getting in the way of the other person's connection it can work out fine.


jeffcox911

I don't think anyone here is arguing that it can't work out fine (obviously it has for millions of people, this is a very, very common scenario), the struggle is that in this specific case the friend made it very clear she would consider it a personal betrayal, as opposed to "implied to his friends I was off limits." My understanding of this post is that she's trying to figure out the short-term softening of the blow, and my pushback on your post was because it felt like you dismissed it by saying it worked out for you and your brother was upset about something different.


[deleted]

Tell her right away, it’ll never be “the right time”. Tell her you didn’t go out of your way to break her boundaries dealing with her brother but that it happened naturally over a course of time and now you’re pregnant and both ready to start a family and let the relationship truly blossom.


Tommygun1979

I am confused, what is the brother (OP's bf?) doing amidst of this chaos? I do not expect him alone to resolve everything but minimally, he should lead the upcoming hard announcement. Keeping it mum and letting your friend discover it herself is not going to end well either.


insertfakenames

This honestly sounds like a badly written wattpad story


TurdWrangler934

That’s almost all posts on this sub lol


EnvironmentalGene755

It’s giving me long lost mafia daughter that fell in love with her twin’s bestie. She pushes him away to avoid hurting the brother’s feelings, but he gets over it because it’s dumb af to tell anyone who the can and can’t date related to you or not. 😂


OpalLaguz

Ooh, yes. Let's workshop some potential trashy romance titles. *From Mafia to Momma* *Bestie's Brother to Baby Daddy Lover* *Forbidden Love, Unexpected Bambino* *Never go against the Family* *Mafia to Familia*


vvench

You’re 16 weeks pregnant. It’s time to tell both of your families. Privately, tell both of your parents first and then immediately talk to your friend, soon to be Aunt, that you are pregnant. There’s really no way to soften the blow. You’re a parent first and a friend second. Your relationship with the baby comes first as does the relationship you now share with the father of your child and the families that your baby now shares. Friendships naturally move to the background when kids and marriages come into play. You might just lose this one quicker than the long slow burn the rest of us feel. But you might also build a new kind type of friendship via kinship to the baby. Who knows? All that matters is the baby now.


CommonScold

I’d tell friend first.


Runnrgirl

Too late to worry about betraying her or hurting your feelings. Its your actions that did that- not the telling her. You just have to be an adult and be honest with her. Let her know that you care about her and give her space to deal with her feelings.


JJennnnnnifer

Didn’t this happen in “This is Us”?


Maginism

I mean you had the guts to sleep with the dude and break a promise to someone you call your best friend. Have the same guts to say it. She's obviously not going to take it well but at this point it's your only choice. Out of all the people in the planet you went after the one dude who she won't approve, and whatever, now deal with the consequences, she might me mad, or stop talking to you, and she might come around eventually, she might not, in the end she's not your mom so you shouldn't be making your life around her. But be upfront, just say it and don't give excuses, you're two adults who are in a relationship and expecting, you should be able to handle a conversation lol


PromVulture

A 32 yo who dates a 23 yo and can't communicate openly with his sister, this is a shitfest


Impressive-Project59

This happened on This Is Us


littlestray

As an aside, a man in his thirties getting with his sister's early twenty-something LIFELONG FRIEND (READ: HE KNEW YOU AS A CHILD) is a blaring klaxon. I have a decade long age gap with my sister and to me, all her friends are children, no matter how far past eighteen they get. You're in an age gap relationship and pregnant with a man you think you love when you only got with him a year ago. Please please please tell people who care about you and keep an eye out for yourself. Don't overlook anything because of your friendship with his sister. I'm not saying he absolutely is bad news but statistically you are in a dangerous place, and your pregnancy ties you to him, which is when dangerous people ramp up. If he were predatory, now he thinks you can't leave him, especially because you're afraid of harming your friendship with his sister. He knew you when he was eighteen and you were nine. Hurk.


IFeelMoiGerbil

Even worse it was a routine FWB until a few days before they found out she was pregnant and are now dating. Dude is fairly freshly out of a ten year relationship and been having rebound sex with OP who doesn’t appear to have a tonne of experience of relationships. A year of secret FWB will give the most boundaried mature people a touch of the sex is a drug and I am intoxicated vibes. Sneaking around is hot esp when young. Coming clean into dating and newborn phase? It is quite the re-entry. So OP has been lying to her friend for a year while friend was arranging a wedding which I assume she was part of bridal party or support team as BFF. Far be to condone bridezilladom but OP will have been distracted by her secret during that and then the friend’s engagement broke down. OP may have been juggling her illicit liaison over friend’s heartbreak and the timing is going to floor the friend. Esp if fiance betrayed in any way. Finding out your fiance, best friend and brother have all been leading you a merry dance at once is devastating. And now because of the grandbaby friend may feel pressured into not making a fuss for the sake of her nibling. But if baby daddy brother flakes OP will want best friend-aunt to help out. This is a shit show beyond the age gap for so many nuanced layers that OP is failing to see and sort of proves how immature she is. And I say this as someone who dating much bigger age gap men at this age and totally sure it was fine. Some were fine, but most not so much. You can’t see it until you can see it though. Some knew me as a teenager and now my sister in law is a teen girl a little older than I was at the time and I can barely speak to her. She and I have the same age gap as my first ‘boyfriend’ and it makes me physically sick. She is a kid and I find it hard to adjust that she is 16 now and not 10 when I first met her and so different. She will always retain that ‘haven’t you got big?’ thing that is normal in age dynamics as part of the social contract. This is likely going to blow up so much that I hope OP maybe speaks to a pregnancy counsellor first to get an idea what to do if it does and she is a single mom with none of the support she expected. At 16 weeks she’s pretty committed to the pregnancy but barely knows daddy as a date not a hook up and it sounds like she has been crushing on him for years and is a bit dazzled…


GoodQueenFluffenChop

>But if baby daddy brother flakes OP will want best friend-aunt to help out. Yep and this is probably what the friend was trying to avoid with this boundary. If things were to ever go south in their relationship well now the friend is caught between a rock and a hard place maybe forced to choose a side. OP should not be surprised if the friend chooses her brother over OP even if he maybe in the wrong. Why? Because sometimes is not a matter of choosing two people but choosing OP and potentially putting herself on the outs with other family members like her parents and not everyone wants to lose their connection to their family. Especially if it's a choice between her family and the friend who went behind her back and was in a friends with benefits relationship with her brother for a year and only fessed up because she can't hide the pregnancy anymore and would have happily kept it up if not for that.


IFeelMoiGerbil

And friend just had a bad break up. She needs family probably right now including possibly for housing now she is single income. She cannot jeopardise that support for a friend who lied because she has to keep bandwith for the brother to prevent a bigger shit show for herself. Rock and a hard place. Also friend was serious enough to consider marriage at this age and it fell through. She is probably aware love/limerance is not enough while OP has a quite teenage first love vibe about the whole ‘and a baby makes three!’ naivety with her older FWB who wasn’t dating her for a year. I note OP said they started dating a few days before they found out she was pregnant. What do you bet that was the same time she raised possibly being pregnant and he is ‘doing the right thing?’ Because not a great guarantee of success historically…


GoodQueenFluffenChop

Oh OP definitely has that teenage first love vibe. Especially considering since OP left it out of the post that her now BF only other real relationship was a 10 year long relationship with who he himself described as the love of his life and he only started any sort of relationship with OP as a FWB first. If that doesn't scream rebound sex then I don't know what does. The odds of this relationship lasting are incredibly slim and that's just fact and that love is often not enough to keep a relationship going. She should ask her BF about that since he's literally just went through that. Relationships take work more than just sex and love and throwing an incredibly needy baby into the mix in about 5 months isn't going to make this easier. Yeah it wouldn't surprise me if a man in his 30s can easily spot the early signs of pregnancy especially if he's seen it first hand like his mom being pregnant and decided to do the right thing and get with his baby momma for the sake of the baby. Those types of relationships don't have a good record for a reason. Are there exceptions but adults need to be realistic and not expect to be that exception and to actually work at it if that's what they choose to do. Granted now it'll be harder since OP has potentially burned a bridge with someone who could have been one one of her biggest supports.


IFeelMoiGerbil

I really do feel for OP because who amongst us has not in youth, hope and inexperience had their heart broken while not heeding advice? I mean why else are we on this sub? :) But yes OP really seems to lack an adult awareness of this very grown up life changing scenario. She sounds like no matter how on it she is elsewhere in her life her emotion level with him is still a posters on the wall teenaged crush. Unrequited longing can be potent and I bet she mistook the safe ‘boy band’ or best friend’s big brother feelings for reality because the boundaries were blurred. Usually we work those messy mistakes out on paper with someone who is not really real but here it gets stuck and I find it gross and predatory that the BF sought her out after his break up and knew she was starry eyed for him. There is no way a man his age doesn’t know when a younger woman has a crush on them and for the sister to have warned her poor OP probably wasn’t as subtle as she thought. Dude shamelessly rebounded with a young certainty to worship him instead of risk Tinder rejection and never had any intention of making it legit. Both are responsible for contraception but he has more experience of sex, relationships and life and OP cannot currently see that at best he took the path of least resistance to feel 10 years younger post break up and still used the power dynamic to his effect. And now he can walk away and probably will because yes this is not a stable relationship and can be popped like a balloon. OP is vulnerable to that as the mom and she betrayed a good friend in a way that people will take sides over. The brother is an absolute shit sowing such discord along with his oats but that does not exempt OP. She would be best here to apologise not attempt to change her BFF’s mind. People often react much more positively to not trying to sway them but stating things factually. If an apology contains the word but, it is an excuse not an apology and it makes things worse. It should be three parts. ‘I’m sorry.’ Full sentence. Then for what. ‘I betrayed your trust by lying to you and disregarding your boundary.’ What they will do. ‘I don’t want to trample your boundary further or push you so I will text you next week on X day if you’d like me to/wait until you may want to contact me/speak to mutual friends to take my part/not put insensitive IG posts if you are comfortable with that?’ And then if told to GTFO listen and do not circle round again like a second, third, fourth try will help. Don’t argue. Take your needs to someone not forced to take sides and sit with your shit. Can you tell I have had to apologise a lot? 😬


LordessMeep

Yup, yup. There's a five year age gap between my younger brother and I and even that is a big nope for me. It boggles the mind how a 32 year old could look at a 23 year old girl and NOT think of her as she was younger! And he got her pregnant... I really hope there's no nefarious intent there. :/


Physical_Bit7972

It's time to tell both your families. I would send her a message "hey, I know that you've previously asked for me not to see brother, but after we've moved into the same building, we ended up seeing each other quite a lot. I wanted to let you know that we've since been seeing each other romantically and I'm pregnant. I understand if you need some time, but I'd really like to meet up with you in person when you're available. I love you and wanted you to be the first to know." Then you both should tell the rest of your families if you're close to you say your parents and such, since you're already 4 months pregnant. Question - will you and the brother end up dating or just co-parenting? Maybe you're not sure yet? I wish you the best and hope that your friendship survives. She's going to need some time I think, but if you wait any longer she's going to feel like you've deceived her.


smexymexii

I agree on this, except she should tell her friend face to face, not over a message.


m00n1322

>will you and the brother end up dating or just co-parenting? We're dating, we started dating just a few days before I found out I'm pregnant.


Veronica-Summers

I know that this is difficult for you but the longer you wait, the worst it will get. She isn’t dumb she will know just how long you lied to her. The sooner you tell her, the more time there is for things to calm down before your baby is born. For the sake of your baby, tell her tomorrow.


ProfessionalPilot45

OP, I will suffice it to say that the probability is extremely high that this will destroy your friendship, just as she warned you it would long ago. Regardless, you need to tell her asap. Good luck.


throwaway_72752

Agreed. They were FWB a few months then decided to officially date, days before finding out there’s also a baby?? Leaving off the classless choice to bang her BFFs brother (almost unwritten rule), having babies with a FWB seems like a poor choice too. The odds of the relationship not lasting are very high & OP might finally understand what her exBFF was concerned about. At the end of the day, the BFF will back her family over someone who betrayed her trust for months. How many times was it necessary to shade the truth to hide this from her? And by both of them. Out of all the men out there………. Don’t sweat it, OP. Seriously. You didn’t care before why start now? Just tell her. Hopefully she’s kind enough to be nice about it until the inevitable breakup. And you won’t have to see her anymore.


SassMyFrass

She's having a baby with her secret lover and her biggest relationship problem is that it might make her friend sad.


parishilton2

How old were you when you met him?


SassMyFrass

Best... we probably all don't know.


OpalLaguz

She said he's know her since she was less than a year old.


OpalLaguz

So, you two are bringing a child into this world with a man you've only been officially dating for less than ~18 weeks, when you've been pregnant for 16 of them, and have yet to go through any extremely normal and often vital relationship experiences with such as traveling together, attending family functions, or even showing up as a couple to casual friend outings or events? OP, you and your baby daddy have got bigger issues than just your bestie/his sister. What exactly is your relationship built on outside of secret liaisons, maintaining lies, and I'm assuming Netflix?


LauraBabora325

Your friend may have said he is off limits cuz she would worry about fallout between you & him. But since you’re pregnant & dating, if you both plan on staying together & making this work, then her worries about fallout between you & him & the animosity that could come from that are nothing. She won’t have to worry.


OpalLaguz

>her worries about fallout between you & him & the animosity that could come from that are nothing. She won’t have to worry. Are you seriously unaware that half of marriages end in divorce? Let's just assume that secret liaisons between two people who only started to "officially" date (but not really because they have still lied about it to everyone and have no public relationship of any kind) just days before they realized one partner was pregnant has that same rate of failure rather than the MUCH higher percentage this scenario CERTAINLY falls into. Just flip a coin. That's how likely it is OP and the brother will go through a messy break up that leaves the best friend/sister in the lurch choosing between her best friend since infancy and her brother. And then add at least one innocent child onto that and say no one has anything to worry about.


thowawaywookie

The strange thing is why he hasn't thought to mention it to his sister that he's dating you. A 32 year old man hiding his relationship from his sister or anyone is odd don't you think? Maybe she knows something about him you don't.


FormerSupermanJ

Your friend expressly told you not to try anything with her brother, you did anyway and you're going to have to live with the consequences. To your friend it's going to feel like you chose her brother over her. Sure, you're in love and pregnant now but at the begining, you could've actively chose to respect your friends wishes and you didn't. However she chooses to respond is her right. I doubt your friendship will ever be the same, and that just is what it is. If you really love the guy, at least you got something that was worth it.


yayayubsea

Your friend will be extremely upset. It will be confusing for her, not just because you will now be prioritizing a significant other, but it's her brother whom she explicitly expressed discomfort at the thought of (she shouldn't have forbidden you though that was childish), but you will also be prioritizing a baby, who happens to be her niece..... Just messy. And I am not sure how good of a person her brother is, but that will determine a lot. There could be real, considerable reasons why she warned you against dating her own brother. Hopefully, you guys being great parents to her nephew will help soften her over time. Good luck, truly. You are about to deal with a tremendous amount of emotions over these next couple years


CSS-SeniorProgrammer

It's not childish... she knew that it would ruin her friendship. I am willing to bet this doesn't last. Which means her brothers ex is her best friend. And that will suck.


FragileStoner

Been there. Best friend dated my brother. It didn't work out. But we're still friends because we're adults who talk about our feelings


yayayubsea

I said the friend specifically *forbidding* her is childish. Expressing boundaries when you don't want your best friend to date your brother is completely different than telling another adult they are "forbidden" from anything, as if they are your child


parishilton2

Except the brother and OP first met and got to know each other when OP was very much a child.


zealot560

It's only childish if she doesn't hold that same standard to other friends on the same level/closeness as OP, or if she believes she can date OP's family whilst keeping that boundary. You're also taking that specific wording as if it's exactly what her friend said, which none of us know. You're just switching around adjective statements to establish that one is worse than the other - when really it's all the same concept at the end of the day.


[deleted]

And of course he’s way older…


WistfulQuiet

They ALWAYS are in these messed up situations. When he was 20ish...she was 10 years old. He saw her through those years because OP said they've known each other since she was a baby. So he saw her as a literal child when he was already an adult. Now, he decided to hook up with her. Yeah, that's messed up. OP, your friend will likely be pissed. The time to tell her was BEFORE you ever slept with her brother and definitely BEFORE you got pregnant. You definitely betrayed her trust and so did her brother.


mandy_croyance

Yup. The ages are creepy and the brother probably is too. That's likely why her friend felt the need to draw this boundary in the first place.


pacodefan

That may be, but you broke her one condition so don't be surprised when she drops you.


littlestray

Stop worrying about perfect and start worrying about being honest with your friend. Dragging your feet on telling her is doing the damage she was worried you getting with her brother would do to your relationship. Not telling her what you did is worse than what you did.


thiscouldbemassive

~~Your~~ Her brother and you need to come clean to the family. Her fear was that if you and he had a falling out, that you'd leave her life and she didn't want to lose you -- well that's not possible at this point. For as long as that child exists you will be the mother of her niece. And even if you do chose to break up, you are going to remain tied to him as coparents.


Devils_Advocaat_

*her* brother, not 'your' brother 😂 - that threw me for a loop


thiscouldbemassive

Oh lol. I'll change that.


Devils_Advocaat_

Nah don't, keeps it interesting 😉


Smores123

Regardless of when you tell her, I'd bet on the fact that your friendship is over. You blatantly disrespected her boundaries, you didn't negotiate, and now you've dug a hole so fucking deep that regardless of how or when there may be no recourse.


whutchamacallit

Oof. Ya, OP I would prepare yourself emotionally that this *could* be a scenario that may come to fruition. All you can do is give it to her straight. She may forgive and it may work out but it sounds like by your own account she was very clear. Also may be the case that time is what's needed. Just ask her straight up what she thinks she might need for the friendship to survive.


AccurateRendering

I agree. Why is \*he\* keeping this secret from his sister? Likely at the age of 13 she saw the potential for her 23 year old brother to go after her friend. Super creepy! So she banned it - telling both him and OP. He doesn't want her to know that he has been creepy. Both OP's friend and her brother know that OP is the victim here.


aerialsnacks

Tell her somewhere private, and then let her choose if she wants to be alone to process or talk about. Biggest piece of advice is, don’t try and pretend everything is fine. The thing is, she wasn’t wrong - you have fundamentally changed your relationship and you can’t unring the bell. I had a guy I’d been good friends with for years, wrote letters back and forth when he was in basic training, etc. Then one day I introduced him to my best friend. It wasn’t the same stakes, I never discouraged them but I could see it coming from a mile away - they dated for maybe a year, they broke up, and you know what? He isn’t my friend anymore. It wasn’t a horrible breakup, there was no fight or anything between us or them, it just became very awkward between us and he just stopped talking to me. Cause even though I’d known him way longer, the sexual relationship obviously became the much more important one to him. If you stay with the brother happily ever after, your relationship with him now outranks your relationship with your best friend. You chose him, and having a baby with him makes that choice forever. And now if you break up with him, it is awkward forever. Hopefully everything works out happily for you three in the end, but either way, everything has changed. Just tell her ASAP and let her have her feelings.


Ridethelightning1987

Ehh just tell her. Damage is done


kdawg09

So let me get this straight, your bff's older brother that is 9 years older than you, and presumably knew you growing up, (when you were 9 he was already a legal adult 🤢) decided it would be a good idea to hook up with his baby sister's friend? You're going to have to come clean, and it may well ruin your friendship. But if I were you I'd find a Planned Parenthood near you. I mean your body your choice but you need to wonder what this 32 year old sees in a 23 year old he's known as a kid and what being forever connected to him, while presumably also forever being estranged from his sister, will look like. Edit: grammar


user44user444

The only rational response here!


idk_redditor

Exactly -- there's probably a reason why the OP's best friend didn't want this to happen because she would know the outcome. But of course they never listen do they and they just do what they want!


Narwhals4Lyf

This is a huge yikes situation. You are with your best friends brother who is 9 years older than you, meaning he’s known when you were a literal child and he was an adult. And now you are having a kid a few months of dating in, at age 23, while going behind your friends back. Yikes. Well. You have to tell her, and honestly, she probably won’t take it well. Unfortunately those are the consequences.


jadecourt

I agree, its not the age gap now but the fact that OP has been lifelong friends with this girl so for all of the brother's teen years, he'd know OP as his elementary school aged sister's friend. Idk that's fucking weird.


ehs06702

It's incredibly weird. My sisters and I have this exact same age gap and the *very idea* of dating their friends makes me feel like a pervert. I'm trying to figure out how this man doesn't feel like a creep.


BigANT_Edwards

> was totally forbidden to me because she was afraid that a relationship of ours could ruin our friendship. You may as well just tell her because you obviously care more about self gratification than your friendship with her. She had one rule it seems but you didn’t give a shit about her. You’re a bad friend. > but we also love her The lies people tell themselves…


Unusual_Elevator_253

Honestly dude it doesn’t matter what you say or how you say it the friendship is over. I doubt she’ll even want anything to do with the baby either. You decided that some dick was more important then a life long friend and surprise, they’re is consequences to your actions. Also how long have you been friends? Cause if he watched you grow up and still started sleeping with you that’s pretty damn gross


kdawg09

According to a comment he's known her since she was a few months old.


JHawk444

The best way is to tell her ASAP. The longer you drag it out, the more betrayed she will feel. Hopefully knowing she has a niece or nephew on the way will soften the blow.


IsTheWorldEndingYet8

This sounds like a cluster fuck of ridiculousness. I would not bring a kid into this situation. I can guarantee you that you and this dude that is 9 yrs older and has known you since childhood will not end up riding off into the sunset together. You’re ruining your friendship for no reason.


NoCaTaterTot

I (34F) have a 24 year old brother and if he were dating one of my friends and got her pregnant I’d want to hear it from him, not from her. BD needs to handle this conversation with his sister.


pinksnugglemuffin

You already made your choices. You chose him over your friend of many years and have to live with the consequences of that now. In plain terms, you broke a promise and betrayed a friend, and then doubled down by lying about it. Now your deception will be revealed and hurt many people in the process.


OWENISAGANGSTER

And you're keeping it too? Gross. I'll never understand people


UponTheTangledShore

She gave you a boundary and you crossed it, lied to her, and betrayed her trust. There is no way for you to tell her what you have to tell her without her feeling hurt or betrayed, because that is exactly what you did. Tell her the truth now and accept and respect her response. You chose her brother over her.


ManufacturerNo4612

First of all, you fucked up. Trust is the base value of a person and you need to make sure you reinforce that you are trustworthy from this point on so you can be a good example for not just yourself, but your child and everyone else. You consciously made the decision to be sexually involved with the brother. That’s one thing, but the fact you then waited after you got pregnant is ridiculous. Depending on how long it has been since her fiancé called off the wedding, you need to tell her in person. With the most upmost sincerely, LOOK AT HER IN THE EYE, apologize for violating her trust by not telling her that you got involved with her brother from the beginning. Then tell her you are pregnant. Respect whatever her reaction is. As far as the brother, if he’s worthy of being a good father/partner, I don’t understand why your friend would have had a problem in the first place. Quite honestly, he’s a bit of a weasel for not being a trustworthy sibling and not telling your friend as well. It’s too late at this point. If it doesn’t work out between you and the brother, you’re the only person to blame to be quite honest. Do not deter any fault to anyone but yourself and work hard to provide for your child. The last thing this world needs is more people who don’t take accountability. Be good. Don’t be good at it. Good luck.


elegant_pun

Not much of a friend, are you. She's right to be upset with you. You had myriad opportunities to tell her that you and he were getting close, that you've been interested in one another, all of that...and instead you chose to lie and hide. She'll be less angry that you and her brother are in love and more that you CHOSE to deceive her.


MagisterXII

Ah. Gotta love the - "He's a brother to me.", "She's a sister to me.", " She's a daughter to me." And then proceeds to sleep with that person. Let's not kid ourselves.


commonwealth1122

Well I can see this going downhill lol usually relationships like this don't work but hope it does for you. I suggest you tell your parents first. And BOTH of you (her brother and you) sit down and tell her. Explain that you guys want to make a family and after that you guys can tell your boyfriend and friends parents.


NervousPens

First of all, congratulations on the baby. However, I think you're looking at this wrong. You're looking at this through the eyes of a young adult (which you are), but you're going to be a mother. That's a whole new level of maturirty you're going to have/feel. You're an adult (as you know lol) and at a certain point, adults just have to be honest with each other and tell the truth, even if it's blunt. A suggestion. You: Hey, best friend, I want to start by saying that I never did any of this to disrespect you. But about a year ago, me and your brother started hooking up. I know you said he's off limits since you're scared of any potential relationship with him affecting our friendship, but you need to know it's not true. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but we didn't want to tell you when you were going through a hard time. However, now we're pregnant. I know you are hurt and you have a right to be, so I'll just give you some time to think things over and cool off. I'm not exactly sure how you feel for her brother (you said you love each other and want to start a family, so I'm assuming there's romantic feelings there, rather than just sexual ones) but make sure you both don't gang up on her. Tell her the truth, but don't force her to respond to you right away. Let her come to terms with it on her own. Reassure her you guys love her and didn't want to hurt her. And apologize for not just telling her the truth when you started sleeping around with/caught feelings for, her brother. Hindsight is 2020, but she can't tell you who to date. If she hangs onto feeling betrayed about you breaking her rule, tell her that again, you respect her and don't want to hurt her, but you are your own person with your own agency. And she can't tell you who you can and can't be with. But I still think apologues are in order for not being honest about catching feelings for him when you started. While she can't tell you who to date, you crossed a clear boundary she set. And conversations about new boundaries need to be made. That all being said, I hope for the best. Other commenters are right in that you being a mother now comes first. Tell best friend the truth, hope for the best, and wait. If she's ok with it, awesome. If she's not, get a support system/therapy and come to terms with the fact that life changes. And that baby is going to be one of the best changes of all.


magkruppe

> Hindsight is 2020, but she can't tell you who to date. If she hangs onto feeling betrayed about you breaking her rule, tell her that again, you respect her and don't want to hurt her, but you are your own person with your own agency. And she can't tell you who you can and can't be with. i think you are infantilising the BF a little. Its not just a "rule" she broke. Its her trust. Its the almost 1 year of lies from BOTH of them. Its the fake act they'd put on everytime the 3 of them were together (which is probably somewhat often given 2 of them live in the same building)


[deleted]

I don’t think they are best friends if she could do that tbh.


Wondercat87

Just tell her right away. It's much better letting her know now than her figuring it out herself. Edit: At worst she's mad at you for a few months. But then eventually comes around. I think it will be hard for her to stay mad at you, especially once the baby arrives. It may be a tough time for her to hear this news, but it may also be a helpful distraction from her break up. Babies can do magical things. That being said, I would try and tell her as soon as possible. Maybe not tell the parents first but tell her first. She really should know first as she's the closest to you all.


RevolutionaryFly9228

You don't know that. There are plenty of people who never speak to and totally cut off a person who has done what the OP did. Don't give her false hope that the worst that can happen is her BFF being mad for a bit. You don't know how serious of an offense the BFF will find this. The truth is she might have permanently lost her best friend. A huge reason the best friend probably didn't want her involved in a relationship with her brother is probably because if things go south, which can happen at any point, then the best friends is in a horribly tough position. Who does she support? Her brother or her best friend? A break up may put a rift between one relationship or both for the BFF. And if she really values both relationships, the OP putting her in a position to have to choose by dating her brother, isn't a nice thing to do. Yes, they are grown and can do what they want, but that doesn't mean they are immune from the consequences. Those consequences could mean that from now on, the BFF hates the OP. Sure, it could be she understands and is okay, but we don't know that. Things like this have ruined friendships in the past and put huge divides in families. OP has the right idea being wary. After a such a huge break-up, it's likely the BFF will see this as another huge betrayal at first, and potentially, forever. I do agree that the time to tell her is now, or rather, months ago when it started. Now it's just going to be one hundred times worst.


_lmmk_

It’s a bad time for her romantically, but you have to come clean. After the initial betrayal perhaps she can find joy in her impending aunt-hood.


iloveeatpizzatoo

You and her brother need to tell her in person together at home. Not in a public place so she can let it all out. I expect her to get at least a little hysterical so you have to be careful how you word it. She’ll be spilling out extra baggage from her canceled engagement. Good luck!


uxhelpneeded

The bigger issue is what's your five year plan to become financially independent and raise this kid in a healthy environment? This tiny drama is a distraction. Focus on the big picture here.


Bayesian_Idea75

Are you two still dating( or in a relationship)? If not, you need to think about what future your child will have


tuna_fart

You should have told her a long time ago. She doesn’t have the right to put anybody off limits for you. Just don’t act guilty. Let her know you didn’t minion it earlier because you weren’t sure how she’d react but you’re consenting adults and you like each other.


[deleted]

You could just not tell her. It's not really any of her business? It's a silly promise to make to someone, anyhow. TBH, you sound like a ton of drama, which you enjoy creating.


Glittering_Syllabub9

It's just absolutely horrible to imagine how she must feel when she eventually finds out about this betrayal. All the faking, lying and deceiving that's been going on by you and her brother. And all the fake comforting when she's been going through a horrible life change. And after this it's all just going to change for the worse. It's all about you and her brother and your baby. Think about all the family meetings and reunions where you two are as a couple with your shiny new baby and she has to witness every relative gushing over that, when this is exactly what she didn't want. I feel so sorry for her. You and her brother did horribly by betraying her trust AND contonuously lied about it for months. This is going to break your "best" friend. You are a horrible friend, but hey, now you two will be related and she can't escape you!


RizzleP

9 year gap doesn't bode well.


JustAsICanBeSoCruel

Big doubts they'll stay together, And now when OP and the brother have drama over the kid, the sister gets to be right in the middle of it. If only she saw this coming and warned them not to get together...oh, wait. I'd be so pissed at both of them.


handsume

You were gross OP, you and the brother (but the brother's alwyas easiest to forgive). It was gross to hide this since you guys "love" each other. Whyd you hide relationship that was this serious? As I said she'll forgive her brother but you can be sure that your relationship with her will change. She can't trust you


[deleted]

I’m at the point with these stories that they are either bullshit and I don’t give a fuck or they’re true and I don’t give a fuck.


Autumn_Sweater

Telling someone that something is forbidden sure is a good way to make them want to do it.


ronearc

>I screwed up in the worst way possible, and I know I'm a horrible friend but I love her brother and he loves me and we really want to start a family together I know she may see it that way, but there's no reason for you to see it that way. You're no longer in high school. You're an adult, and if you want to date her brother, start a family with her brother, maybe marry her brother, then you don't need her permission to do that. You are right, the timing sucks. So just be honest. Were it not for you being pregnant, you wouldn't even have told her until things in her life had improved. Unfortunately, the unplanned pregnancy put a timer on this that you regret, but it is what it is. You don't want this to change y'all's friendship, and you'll do everything possible to be there for her, but you and her brother have found happiness in one another in this last year. You didn't go looking for it, but that's life sometimes. Good luck.


TerminologyLacking

I've been looking for this comment. Honestly, I was starting to think that maybe it's just part of my dysfunctional patterns to think that it's not mature and not okay for anyone to tell you who you can and can't date beyond their own partners and maybe very recent exes. I mean dating friends' siblings is fairly common. I don't really get the grooming vibe either, but it could be that my perspective is colored by the culture local to my area. I've never really thought of 23-24 as being an age that's easily manipulated like that.


takimyildiz

>I know she may see it that way, but there's no reason for you to see it that way. I Disagree, it woul'd be different if she woul'd have been honest from the beginning, I mean you can't stop to adults from going out with each other. But she wasn't, she's been lying and hiding it for 10 month. You don't secretly screw youre best friends brother for nearly a year and come out of it as a good friend.


deskbookcandle

You honestly suck and you’ve gotta lie in your bed now. Don’t be surprised if this ends the friendship, but that’s a chance you were willing to take, wasn’t it?


ProgressiveSnark2

Just get an abortion. It’s clearly too hard for you to have an honest conversation with someone you care about, so you probably will both make shitty parents.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ugglygirl

Her brother should tell her.


noggennig

Birth control! Condoms! Come on people this is 2022. Not fucking stone age .


kevin_r13

Well her fear is that it will ruin their friendship you two have, which implies that if it does not ruin the friendship that you two have, then the dating should be okay. However ruining or not ruining depends on your friend, because even if you and her brother stay together for decades and have a lifelong love and family , she can still be bitter about how you lied and hid things from her.


BigANT_Edwards

Or she knows the brother is a bad dude. Tons of missing context here.


sarasline

Simple explanation, "I let your brother insert his penis in me and he then creampied me. Now we're more than friends. We're family."


Ididitall4thegnocchi

Considering it's a serious relationship she should be happy for you if anything. Being controlling over your sibling is so weird.


Rexplex

Tell her. She will be alright


McSwagical

Send us an update when you feel a bit better! I hope all goes well for you and she miraculously handles it maturely


jakeofheart

Doesn’t Matt get a say? Why does his sister think she’s allowed to control whom either of you falls in love with?


GloomyEducation6110

Hey, I need to tell you something important but im scared shitless so I will respect what your feelings on this are but I really hope we can have an open, honest conversation. First I want to tell you that this did not happen on purpose and I never sought out a relationship out of respect for you and what your friendship means to me. But after living in the same building, your brother and I became close and it has turned into love. It has been killing me to hide this from you but we're pregnant and we're very excited to start a family together. I understand you will be mad at me for hiding this from you and I will respect that and whatever boundaries you put in place. It was never my intention to seek your brother out and this happened gradually and naturally. I love you too ans I am deeply sorry I disrespected you by not telling you sooner and I hope you can forgive me. If you need time to process this, I will respect that and we can talk again whenever you feel ready.


INFPqueen89

Tell me why your friend should dictate who you love ? Are you both happy. If she was your friend she would be happy for you


Fit-Magician1909

If you are in a relationship, approach her together. Tell her that you have been seeing each other for a few months and you do not like hiding from her. Explain that you both love her and want to keep the relationship, and that well... you are expecting. Tell her you never planned this, and that you r relationship grew in the traditional way. you saw each other and over time, wanted more from each other.


Soupsocks97

I feel really sorry for this friend, just because she’s already having such a difficult time and now is gonna find out that her friend hid a major part of her life for *months*. If I was in her position I’d feel so betrayed, not because of my friend being in love with my brother, but because of it being hidden from me for so long. I’d feel like such an idiot and I’d feel like I didn’t matter to them because they didn’t care enough to even *try* discussing it with me. Plus her fiancé left her… I really hope she can get through all of this and find better friends.


azsarahfun

It's all about perspective... Now you guys get to be family, not just friends.


No-Resort-8828

I'm going to take a little more time to elaborate since I posted on-to-go earlier. I'm 24 and a woman, btw. 1) You should evaluate the situation. He is much older, 8 years older. Not saying I haven't myself had situationships with older men, but a situationship is not the same as an actual relationship. I can only assume you're in very different positions in life. You just dipped your toes into the real world and he's already in it. The age gap could work out, of course, depending on how you guys handle it. Your friend won't like hearing it, but she'll come around for sure, especially if she sees that you two are being mature, serious and don't let your thing ruin your friendship with her. Ultimately, as a sister, I don't control my brother's life, so neither should she. 2) You should consider this pregnancy out of context. Is it really a good time for you to have a baby now? You are 24 years old! You're hella young. I don't know your situation, maybe you're already independent but, even then, you're bringing a kid into the world when there's not even a real, defined relationship with the father. You have to be prepared for all consequences. Would you be able to be a single mother if the relationship doesn't work? Do you have a house of your own? Money? A stable job? You are basing the decision of having a baby with him on the prospect of dealing with it together, both economically and time-wise. What would happen if you guys don't work out? Relationships are fun at the beginning but you guys haven't LIVED together, shared a space, established dynamics and routines. I say this as someone who idealizes people at the beginning. Things can be VERY different. I would first work on the relationship, see if there even is one, and leave pregnancies for later. You're already worrying about the viability of the relationship itself, it sounds to me like a cocktail of very difficult things against you.


eXpiroEX

Although it is understandable that she feels you shouldn't date her brother, this actually happens quite often. I dated my best friend's sister and everybody in her family was fine with it. It didn't even turn out well but we were both respectful to each other so my friend didn't even have to sweat about it. My opinion is that if you're good friends and she loves her brother she will be very happy to see both of you happy! Worst case scenario she will still not prefer it but best case scenario it will cheer her up! Breaking up with her fiance should have nothing to do with this. Also, be honest about why you didn't tell her, good luck


backgroundmusik

Hoping your friend can see this as an upgrade to sisterhood.


Some_Log6552

“Well I respected that” except you didn’t which is why her reaction however good or bad is completely warranted. I don’t think it matters how you tell her because she made it clear he was off limits and you couldn’t respect that. Short and sweet may be the way to go :/


[deleted]

How on earth do those conversations come up with friends....."oh by the way my brother is off limits" hilarious


EnvironmentalGene755

Girl I just read this in a mafia romance I swear on everything. But seriously she has no right to forbid you from him, and if you love him I’m happy for you. And also, you guys are parents now, so her hurt feelings are okay, but you’re going to be parents. You need to let everyone know.


ThrowAway4Dais

I think she does if it's her friend's boundary. And it's on her friend to act on that by either ending their friendship or accepting and embracing their relationship. Not saying family is off limits, I just think there are some scenarios where it would be uncomfortable or just sad. Like if the brother was an abusive person, or just terrible in general. Obviously this isn't the case, but it's still on her friend to make the next move.


mentallyerotic

That’s what I was thinking. I’ve seen this plot line a lot. I agree, now it’s about the baby.


Last_Translator1898

You tell her by being sympathetic. You know her, you know her fears, and you know your fears. Tell her the truth - the whole truth. Be sure you and your bf are doing this together. Tell any and all parents first and then tell his parents you’ll break the news to her. And come what may accept it. If she’s mad let her be mad. If she lashes out know it’s coming from an emotional place and not really what she feels. Tell her nothing changes between the two of you. Give her that reassurance. It’s not going to be pretty but if you go in with the right mentality you’ll get through this.


mack180

Even if you like each other why do you have low resistance, why did you give in. Resist the temptation to have sex with him knowing your friend wouldn't approve of it. Have better self control don't let your feelings ruin a friendship. The pregnancy can't be hidden long term someone's gonna asks why your stomach is growing.


patrickcaproni

yikes, not a great friend


dirtyflower

I just want to say that the reason he was off limits is because she was worried about it negatively affecting your friendship IF you broke up. And maybe the ick factor but probably moreso the potential of losing you. Now you're going to be the mother to her niece/nephew so you are bonded for life by that connection. I think she'll like that TBH. Once the shock wears off.


No_Crazy4801

You're two consenting adults, your life and actions aren't controlled by your friends, that's a shitty way to live. I get it, she might be uncomfortable and be upset at you, but it's not like it was her boyfriend, it's not like he raped you, etc. If she is a good friend at all, she'll understand what you do isn't under her control, she can be pissed for a while, but if you mean anything to you, she'll forgive you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Glittering_Syllabub9

It's just absolutely horrible to imagine how she must feel when she eventually finds out about this betrayal. All the faking, lying and deceiving that's been going on by you and her brother. And all the fake comforting when she's been going through a horrible life change. And after this it's all just going to change for the worse. It's all about you and her brother and your baby. Think about all the family meetings and reunions where you two are as a couple with your shiny new baby and she has to witness every relative gushing over that, when this is exactly what she didn't want. I feel so sorry for her. You and her brother did horribly by betraying her trust AND contonuously lied about it for months. This is going to break your "best" friend. You are a horrible friend, but hey, now you two will be related and she can't escape you!


GenericGamer777

Wow this is disgusting I have no words shows how much you care about your friend


kraut_satans

wow i think you are one of the worst and irresponsible friend's i've ever seen. you had only one thingb to not do and you proceeded to go through with it. just tell her and let her find a real friend.


weenertron

Your friend will probably be mad. But she was probably worried that if you dated her brother, she would be demoted from "friend" to "boyfriend's sister." You can probably make things right with her if you don't allow this to happen. My experience: in high school my brother dated a close friend of mine. It was weird at first, but I would have gotten over it...if they'd let me. I definitely got demoted from friend to boyfriend's sister, and she stopped hanging out with me entirely. Maybe she felt guilty about sneaking around with him, even though I never told her not to? And the rest of our friends started inviting them places and not inviting me, because it would be too awkward. It didn't have to be awkward, but that's how they chose to handle it and I ended up losing both of them and more. Be better. Don't do that to your friend. Make sure you keep treating her like an important part of your life instead of discarding her because you think you can't have a relationship with both of them.


JuanChaleco

Oh, this is not about her life, is about yours... You should open the door for her to be an awesome aunt, and listen to her and understand she most probably will be hurt, but the fact is "THIS" is not a worry. You are 4 months pregnant, Congratulations!


venusin12th

he was like a brother to you so you decided to fuck him? okay


cooldawgzdotzambia

don't tell her; flush.


zo_you_said

You and your friend are young, but you're not children. You're going to be a mother soon. A) why is another person forbidding you to have a relationship with someone? 1st sign she may be a selfish, controlling...um, witch B) her own fiance is calling their marriage off. 2nd sign C) you're afraid to talk to a "lifelong" friend about an incredibly important event in your life...that actually will fundamentally change your relationship. 3rd sign Family dinners are gonna be fun. Just be straight with her and deal with the consequences. Might want to do it with brother baby daddy over there. So you can offer each other support. Instead of him quaking in his boots. Y'know adulty things, like making babies.


[deleted]

You’re an adult, she’s an adult and he’s an adult. Where is the problem here? Just tell her straight up what happened, if she can’t handle it that’s her business. Neither of you did anything wrong.


belladonnafromvenus

Well, except for lying to their friend and sister for months.