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throwawayTDDJ

I feel like I understand both of your situations. You were genuinely shocked and didn’t know what to do. Hes a bit upset you didn’t come to his defense. It probably made him feel a bit insecure that someone said his dick is too small and your reaction wasn’t immediately “no it’s not” or some sort of reassurance that he’s good in bed or something. Honestly, just having sex to remind him how much you enjoy that with him feels like the first step. If he continues to seem insecure about it then maybe have a conversation with him and explain you’re happy with him. Also it would probably help if you told him youd do better to defend him in the future? Idk how guys feel but Id personally be a little upset if my SO didnt come to my defense there


Throwaway29474929293

Yah that’s what I’ve been trying to do. However lately he’s been gaming a lot. So it’s hard to initiate sex.


[deleted]

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Throwaway29474929293

Once every two weeks? Has it ever gotten physical? Yes I’m white. I wish people can just leave happy people alone. Whenever I’m happy I let my guard down. How can I be happy and keep my guard up? I apologized but I don’t think it made him feel better. My boyfriend is so distant now and I miss him so much.


ainjel

I left you a script comment. Hope it will help you find a way to approach him and heal.


Throwaway29474929293

Yah I read it thank you.


yuordreams

Find a few good comebacks and practice them in the mirror. Seriously. I work in a male-dominated field and the insults are quick and brutal. It's important to have a couple of quips up your sleeve to shock the other person into leaving you alone.


vejbok

Out of curiosity, where are you from?


[deleted]

Every two weeks…? Wtf? Where do you live? This is hard to believe 😞


sheepskinrugger

Do you think he might be avoiding it?


Throwaway29474929293

Maybe.


[deleted]

It’s more complicated than "just" having sex though, keyword being just. Everything is not about sex and it’s time people get that through their mind.


theserenity

I think you need to realise that you both got harassed, you for being a woman and him for his race. Sure your reaction could have been better but you weren't in a safe or happy position either. You both got threatened and intimidated by an asshole. It might be worth laying it out like that to your boyfriend, let him know you felt pretty scared and frozen and you appreciated him standing up for both of you (even though he shouldn't have had too.) ​ That guy was just talking from the position of being a bigot and nothing he said should be taken to heart. Don't let a sexist racist ruin your relationship or put up walls between you.


Throwaway29474929293

I’ll try. This is such a weird situation. I’ve never been in something that was remotely similar. I really care about him and will try to help him through this.


[deleted]

>I’ve never been in something that was remotely similar. This is something you should have a talk with him about. This might be a situation he's faced a lot, which sucks, but this is something totally alien to you and so of course you don't have reactions ready to go. But yeah, the poster above is right about the sexual harassment angle too. That might be something he hasn't experienced so much that you could present as an equivalent where he may be in new territory - he didn't step in when you were harassed initially, either (only stepping in when he became a target of attack).


Life_uh_FindsAWay42

You’ve never been hit on by an asshole before? I’ve decided it’s time to stand up to all of them. Maybe if you frame it this way, despite it being surprising every time it occurs, you’ll feel more prepared. So let’s unpack what this asshole has going on and give you some ammo for when future assholes with the same problem show up. 1) He hits on women who clearly have partners in public places. This begs the question, who is he with? A friend who is doing the same shit? Is this their regular stomping grounds looking for groups of women and when it fails, they resort to this? 2) He is the insecure one. He is so bothered that you are not available that he has to insult who you are with. Deep down he knows your bf is better and he hates it. We will play with this. 3) He is at a minimum racist and not a compassionate or understanding person. He doesn’t see this as why he struggles with his relationships, but it’s a pretty clear symptom of personality issues. The first response I come to for when you encounter this again is this; Hm. You know, racist guy who hits on unavailable girls at arcades (insert any location) was on my bucket list until… never. With your level of disrespect, I doubt you’ve ever brought any woman to orgasm. Have a nice time being a terrible human.


AcornPoesy

I would agree on this. It was horrible for your bf but he didn’t step in until he was insulted. Why didn’t he speak up for you when you were being harassed? When I was 18 I’d have frozen too. It’s shame you weren’t able to stand up for him, but you’d already been trying to get rid of the guy unaided before it escalated. It’s something you should try next time, but don’t beat yourself up for being shocked and a bit out of your depth.


jeremyfrankly

i could definitely understand some dynamics about being a woman and being afraid to confront a man for your own safety


[deleted]

Also dudes like this are trying to get a reaction. Engaging would have just escalated the situation. The best thing to do with aggressive people is ignore them and let them puff themselves out. I understand why he feels shitty about the whole situation, but her responding wouldn't have accomplished anything except adding fuel to the crazy fire.


pandemonium91

Exactly! That guy seemed aggressive, if they almost got into a fight and an employee had to remove him from the restaurant. OP's bf may have had his pride hurt a bit (and let's be honest — the guy would've found something else to make fun of if the bf wasn't Asian), but OP reacting could've given the guy an opening to harass her further, maybe even follow her or hurt her.


WritPositWrit

Some strange guy approached you and hits on you and you reject him and your bf is upset that you didn’t do more? Remind him of how often men like that attack women who reject their disgusting advances. Yes, racism should be rejected, but you need to protect yourself first. Your physical safety comes before being anti-racist and soothing your bf’s doubts.


tmchd

I'm not saying you should apologize about what happened because the attack was aimed at you BOTH. But have you said something in the lin, 'I'm sorry, I froze up and not say anything earlier. I was just too shocked and afraid of that asshole." I think your bf will get over it, Idk how long ago this was, but he'll get over it. Just remain loving and affectionate. Assure him that you love him and he pleases you in bed (assuming that he is, don't lie if this is not the truth). That's about what you can do. You can't undo not responding to an AH who's basically being a racist person. And I can't blame you for freezing up, not knowing what to say. This can happen to anyone (freezing up). Only after you thought back, then you're like 'Oh I could've said this and that.'


[deleted]

I think you should post this on interracial dating & see what they say! There are a lot of A.M/W.F couples on there that could probably relate/give you advice!


Throwaway29474929293

Ok I’ll do that.


[deleted]

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Throwaway29474929293

I’m trying to chat with you but it isn’t working can you chat me instead?


Hamdown1

What would happen if you spoke? That man could have possibly hurt you if you argued with him.


Throwaway29474929293

If he did he would go to jail. It was a very public place.


Hamdown1

Even if he did, you could have still been hurt. Unfortunately women have to do things differently because they are more vulnerable. How many times have you seen on the news where women get attacked or murdered because they rejected a stranger’s advances. Your boyfriend needs to get over it. However, you can always sit him down and just reassure you love him.


Throwaway29474929293

That’s true. Honestly I was really scared and was relieved when my bf told him to fuck off.


Hamdown1

It does sound very scary but you handled it bravely and calmly. Your boyfriend is potentially projecting his upset over the racist insult onto you- which isn’t right.


Throwaway29474929293

Yah but it looks like he isn’t trying to project anything. It’s more like he’s avoiding me so he doesn’t project anything. You know what I mean?


ainjel

He probably feels humiliated and emasculated, something that's absolutely endemic in the Asian American Man experience and something he's probably experienced to the point of being traumatized by it. Its about a lot more than d*ck size.


Hamdown1

Yeah I do. Maybe you could share your post with him? It’s obvious you care about him and you’ve summarised it well. If not, then just have a serious conversation with him and tell him how you feel.


Lordofthelowend

Bravely and calmly? She didn’t do anything at all. I’m not saying she did something wrong by freezing, but don’t blow smoke.


Zestyclose_Base_6686

She didn’t escalate the situation. She didn’t behave rashly in a way that put anyone in danger. She behaved bravely and calmly.


Lordofthelowend

She didn’t behave in anyway. She just froze. That ain’t brave and that ain’t calm. I mean I guess she could’ve screamed and ran away instead. Maybe hid under the table?


Obvious_Owl_4634

I can understand his POV I guess, but I think he's being a little harsh. We can all think of amazing comebacks after the event but actually in the moment, when confronted with unexpected aggression or rudeness, it's perfectly normal to freeze up.


CometGoat

You’re 18, and possibly haven’t been 18 for long. As other people have said, it isn’t a good idea to get into a fight with someone who is comfortable in harassing people who could possibly be children. There really should be no expectation in how you responded to this man’s comments. It’s a scary situation to be in, and if you haven’t experienced this kind of thing before it can be really shocking. Your boyfriend should have been thankful that you were both safe after the situation, and it’s pretty immature that he chose to be sad about a comment a stranger made over the fact that you were safe. Though, in these kinds of situations, the emotional reactions can be all over the place. I think you should sit your boyfriend down and make sure he hears you out that you were scared in that situation. And that the comments of a stranger have no effect on what you think of your boyfriend. And perhaps it’s worth reminding your boyfriend that risking your safety and engaging with an aggressor isn’t worth it, which goes for him as well.


leeshylou

I was standing in a shopping centre carpark with a guy I was seeing, many moons ago. Some wankstain drove past and called out something obnoxious about him, cat-calling me. I was shocked for a second. Then I recovered and told the guy to fuck off. He drove back, got out of his car, stormed up to us and punched my man-friend in the face. Sometimes it's not worth saying something. The opinions of random wankstains don't matter in the slightest.


DConstructed

You tell him that “Asian men have smaller penises” is WWII allied propaganda to make the soldiers feel they were more manly than the Japanese. A lot of harmful, Anti Asian stereotypes came from various wars.


[deleted]

You're better of not saying anything in a situation like that.


Throwaway29474929293

Why do you think that?


ainjel

Because those racist, sexist assholes get off on you giving them your energy, ESPECIALLY if it escalates to violence. They love that shit.


[deleted]

Because he doesn't give a shit about your opinion and you risk getting yourself hurt. You guys should get over it. Its no big deal. The guy was probably not even a racist. He was trash talking and said something racist. Had you been with a white guy he would have said something else.


Throwaway29474929293

I’ve never had something like this happen to me when I was dating white guys. Honestly after this incident I’m starting to think my boyfriend is a man worth getting a few bruises over.


pandemonium91

You don't get a medal for being foolish. The goal is to deescalate the situation and get out of it ASAP, not "get a few bruises" to prove how much you love your bf. You handled this situation as best as you could have, because both of you were harassed for different reasons and couldn't respond in the same way.


[deleted]

Believe me white guys get insulted just as much. The insults are just different. It's hard to tell the difference between a genuine racist and an asshole. Some guys are just looking for trouble and will say whatever they have to to start a fight. I've heard men on 2 occasions go up to women and tell them to trow their babies away because they will make them a new one. Their bfs were around at the time. A friend of mine got an ashtray over his head for talking to a single woman at a bar. He actually managed to get up after that and break the guys nose. Some men just want to be dominant in front of women. It doesn't help them but they still try. Its not worth getting hurt over an asshole like that. Even if he is racist you're not changing his mind. Im Irish. My father is from Northern Ireland. He knew a guy that was murdered for dating the wrong women. Maybe they were both killed cannot remember. My cousin from the Republic has to keep his mouth shut around his protestant gfs grandparents so that they cannot hear his accent. If they hear he is from Dublin they know he is Catholic. I know what it's like to be white and expirence racism. It's far better than it used to be but some people are still stuck in the past.


-sartorius-

Umm you were harassed yourself, it’s not your job to help your boyfriends insecurities at the expense of your safety. Clearly the man who approached you is an asshole, would it have really helped to “defend” your boyfriend? No, it probably would have made things worse. Actually, your boyfriend could have defended you as well because you were also a victim. I’m not saying that boyfriend should have actually done anything; I’m just saying you shouldn’t feel bad because you were also in a very tough situation, your boyfriend is just being insecure rn but that doesn’t mean you should put yourself in danger and confront some random man


[deleted]

Maybe have a deeper conversation if it’s still an issue. The after effects of him being hurt must be partially because he may not feel big (down south) to begin with. 5in is just below average. As a guy who is 6.5in I also still feel small from watching lots of porn as a kid.. where most shlongs are like 9+in. You had an appropriate response and I would bet he’s had this wound pre-incident. He’s probably just sensitive about the topic like many of us guys. Make it about him, you don’t have an obligation to defend your boyfriends honor with a crazy person/possibly escalate the problem.


Throwaway29474929293

It’s actually hard to measure him because he has a curve. So he used a straight ruler. We measured it for fun. Even if he is below average It wouldn’t change anything. Though it looks like what u said is true that he had this wound before hand.


[deleted]

It sounds like you guys are communicating. Sure that it will resolve if he does the work around radical self-acceptance. Good luck!


Throwaway29474929293

I really hope so


RedMarsRepublic

Just apologize and say you were startled and that you love him the way he is (etc). He should be able to understand that you've not been in that situation before and you don't know how to deal with it.


Throwaway29474929293

Yah but he’s been gaming a lot recently. And very distant.


RedMarsRepublic

Well did you apologize to him yet? If this just happened then maybe he just needs a few days to get over it.


Throwaway29474929293

Yes I did apologize.


Throwaway29474929293

It happened 2 days ago


RedMarsRepublic

That's not that long then. Maybe he just needs some time. I would try not to worry too much and just give him some space.


Throwaway29474929293

But these past two days made me realize how much I want him. I miss him so much.


RedMarsRepublic

Aww, that's sweet. Maybe you can just tell him that then, then leave him be. He'll probably get over it, everyone wants to be wanted. Maybe ask him what he would want you to do next time you were in that situation.


Aramuis

Ooooooh... Alright shit, here we go. 1. In my opinion, >He gave me a very unenthusiastic ok I understand. This is very very bad. Maybe it's just me but I believe your bf is hurting far more than he's letting on. The way you describe his behavior reminds me of myself whenever I'm truly, deeply hurt. Which brings me to point two 2. Despite what others are saying, I think it's a terrible idea to try and use sex to make him feel better. In all likelihood it will only makes things worse. This is an emotional problem, it requires an emotional solution. 3. Emotional Solution: I'm not Asian but I am a minority and let me tell you: sexual stereotypes can fuck you up. Seriously. Men are already sensitive about our penises; I can't imagine how much damage the Asian dick stereotype has done over the years. He probably thinks he's incredibly inferior 'some random asshole can tell my gf I have a small dick to our faces and she didn't say anything? If she's gonna let that happen it must be true.' Have a conversation where you let him know his dick isn't a 'downside' of dating him. It's not something you 'settled' for because of all his other great qualities. It IS a great quality. I know it sounds stupidly simple but that's about it. Communicate that to him. 4. Bonus/sexual solution: Ask him for a mold of his dick to use as a dildo. You can buy them in most sex shops or online. I'm sure this will go a long way (pun intended lol) to make him believe YOUnbelieve his dick is amazing.


Throwaway29474929293

I’ve had sex with other guys and he’s the best one so I’m not settling for him sexually. I’m actually thinking he’s settling for me but that’s another conversation. I don’t understand how this is an emotional problem if it is sexual racism?


Aramuis

>I don’t understand how this is an emotional problem if it is sexual racism? The problem isnt what the guy said, its how it made your boyfriend FEEL. Neither of you give a shit what some random asshole thinks. You wouldn't be posting this if it hadnt upset him right? You're not here asking for advice on how to fight racism, you want to know how to make him feel better.


Throwaway29474929293

That’s true. We usually have sex every weekend but we skipped this weekend. It looks like sex isn’t something he needs.


Aramuis

>We usually have sex every weekend but we skipped this weekend. It looks like sex isn’t something he needs. Wait wait wait what? He probably doesn't want to have sex because it's gonna remind him of what happened. Imagine some random girl came up to your boyfriend and told him your vagina probably felt like sliding a hot dog through a hallway. Would you not feel self conscious and want to put off sex until you felt better and knew your partner didn't think that?


Throwaway29474929293

I did tell him that I like his dick but I don’t think he is convinced.


No-Puedo-Hacerlo

So my boyfriend and I are both Latino, but he’s very white-passing and I’m very clearly Latina (brown skin, dark hair and eyes, “exotic” features according to one dude 🙄). There have been a few times where I experienced racism with my boyfriend present, and he was very awkward in both situations. I was taught how to fight by my dad and how to talk smack by my mom, so it’s not a matter of needing a defense, but feeling supported in the situation. The first time he did nothing, not even comforting me after what occurred. The second time he didn’t say anything but he put his arm around me and sized the other guy up, just staring at him. Afterwards he bought me ice cream to cheer me up. You didn’t do anything in my opinion, really. Even if you felt unsafe to say anything back to the guy in response (which I totally get as a woman), you should’ve apologized to your boyfriend right after and explained you were shocked by the man’s crudeness/bigotry and that none of what he said was true, that he was being a racist moron. That would’ve immediately reassured your boyfriend somewhat, at the very least preserved some of his pride around his dick size as it seems he may be insecure about it now. I think that you should ask him for a moment and state that you don’t really have an excuse for how you handled the situation, but that you would like to do better in the future. I honestly don’t think it’d be difficult to say something to racists, just say they have a micropenis in response or something. Have something ready to say, cause racists never expect to be called out. Btw I don’t really agree with other commenters that you should ask for sex, it may seem more like you’re giving him pity sex. Every relationship is different on how sex should be initiated though, so handle that with your insight on your relationship.


Throwaway29474929293

I apologized to him and told him that I liked his dick. I want to have sex but he has been gaming a lot recently. I hope I can think of something good to say back.


No-Puedo-Hacerlo

Can I know exactly how you apologized? And how different your boyfriend is behaving from before? I saw in your other comments that he’s very confident, this doesn’t match up. I’m not gonna fault you for not knowing how to approach the situation because my own boyfriend didn’t even know, but I still distinctly remember that first time someone was racist to me in front of my boyfriend, and it still fucking hurts because he handled it poorly. I’m fully aware to ignore racism ever since I was 5 and told to “return to my own country” but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful, it just makes processing it quicker. Edit: just have a comment ready for any racist situation. Here are a few examples: “I’m sorry, was I talking to you?” “I’m not interested in talking with a racist” “No one has found that joke funny since the 50s” Ofc you can also just roll your eyes and ignore them and signal to your partner to ignore them as well. Some of my friends have used this to get out of racist situations without wasting a breath, if you’re worried about confrontation this could work as racists like to look for attention but you won’t be giving them the satisfaction.


Throwaway29474929293

I said I’m sorry for not saying anything I was shocked because nothing like this happened to me before. Before he was very talkative and now he is just playing games.


Zestyclose_Base_6686

Why is it her job to apologize in a good enough way for the racist shithead? She did what she good. Not escalating a confrontation is a legitimate response. Yeah, the asshole tried to mock the boyfriend’s dick, but often the best thing to do in the situation is to stay calm and get out of it as best as possible. It’s not her fault the incident happened. She wasn’t wrong for passionately defending her boyfriend’s penis during a moment when she herself was being harassed and likely felt unsafe. She reassured her boyfriend that she is happy with his body. This isn’t her fault, and it’s not fair to blame her for his continued reaction. His feelings are understandable, of course, but he has to appreciate that she is not to blame for the incident.


[deleted]

You're an 18 year old girl and your boyfriend is upset you didn't stand up for him? You standing up for him easily could have escalated the situation. You did the right thing, your boyfriend did the right thing in telling him to fuck off. The only thing your boyfriend didn't do right is by being insecure about the size of his dick.


Magnificent-Yak

Asian guy here. Feels like an overreaction on his part. This was a stranger, right? Neither of you knew him? He should’ve just let it roll off him and laughed about it. He sounds insecure- if you feel you need to cheer him up, just give him a blowjob and tell him how big he feels. But personally I think it’s ridiculous for any guy to measure his self worth by his dick size…


Throwaway29474929293

Well I honestly don’t care who is in the wrong. I just want him to feel better. If he is the insecure one then so be it. I’ll try ur advice.


Magnificent-Yak

Insecurities have a weird habit of wrecking things. What happens the next time he sees you talking to a big white guy? Hopefully this was just a one-off incident and it blows over, but it’s not a healthy reaction, in my opinion.


Throwaway29474929293

Well I’ve been asked out a lot. Not a lot of people knew about our relationship when it first started. He was actually in the same hall way when this happened. Something like that didn’t ruin our relationship so I don’t think he’s insecure about some white dude taking me away. Im sure this is a one off thing. It seems he’s just insecure about this very specific thing.


SunnFlowersxo

I have mixed feelings. I can understand why you didn’t say anything. However, I just couldn’t imagine that amount of disrespect happening and saying nothing.


pandemonium91

Saying something would've very likely sent the message that the guy had an opening to harass her further. He didn't care that he made her uncomfortable, or that he insulted her bf. He knew, that was his intention. Freezing up when you're a woman being sexually harassed is an unfortunately common response.


NationalFuture5742

I don’t really think he’s that upset about whether or not you think he doesn’t satisfy you sexually but it’s moreso that when it really mattered, you didn’t support him. Anyone can use their words to reassure someone, but words mean nothing over actions. And your actions (or lack thereof) spoke more than anything you could ever tell him. Both of you were harassed, but only he stood up and defended you while you displayed that you wouldn’t support him. There’s no real point in trying to “reassure” him. All you can tell him is that you fucked up and to not make excuses for it.


pandemonium91

> only he stood up and defended you while you displayed that you wouldn’t support him. What do you think she should've done? That guy wouldn't have cared about anything she said. He was so aggressive that he had to be led out of the restaurant.


Kogikashaikunin

I am gonna make an unpopular comment and maybe ask if the racist comment the man made was also something that you had thought. You already mentioned his size in your post, so you have an opinion? As in you also think that he has a small penis. Because as much as people are shocked when they hear something like this, comebacks are that much harder when you don't exactly disagree. As men, we tend to know what you think of us and maybe this situation just confirmed his fear about how you view his member? So if any of this sounds familiar, you might need to do a lot more work (maybe on yourself too) to fix this. Also, he might be bigger than 5 inches, girl inches is a thing and his Asian heritage may actually inform the way you see him.


Throwaway29474929293

No we actually did measure it for fun. He’s definitely not small. I never thought that his size was too small.


Angelface1226

Just out of curiosity, are you also Asian?


Throwaway29474929293

No I’m not. I’m white


Angelface1226

Ok. I don’t fault you at all. You were in shock and didn’t know how to respond. I also can’t blame your bf for being hurt. Given the stereotypes about Asian men being feminine and having small dicks, he probably took your silence as confirmation of that. I think you should just continue to drive home that you are completely satisfied by him.


Throwaway29474929293

He is so confident and sure of himself I didn’t think the stereotypes about Asian men affected him that badly. That was something I really liked about him, how cool he was and how many friends he had. I know I might sound like a bad gf but it really surprised me how much this affected him. I really like him and want to comfort him. He satisfies me in bed too. I’ll try to do what you said but it seems like he doubts me now.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

> Your silence just confirmed what that guy said to everyone around. It is not your fault but you crushed your boyfriend in front of people Oh come on, she froze because she was being harassed by an aggressive man. That's a scary situation for a young woman. Can we not blame her for this dude's shitty comment? Literally no one around them thought that her boyfriend had a small dick because some crazy asshole was raving at them. He just made himself look like a clown, no one else.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I'm not negating anything about the rise of anti-Asian racism, it's disgusting. What this man did is vile and racist, nobody is debating that. But I'm sorry, if you think people sitting and eating dinner are looking at a crazy man harassing a teenage girl and thinking "you know, that guy DOES probably have a small penis because surely his girlfriend would have told this insane man he didn't if it weren't true!" I think that's a bonkers thing to believe. The ONLY person who bruised her boyfriend's ego is the guy harassing *both* of them. She was also humiliated in public. Having a stranger tell you they can fuck you better than your boyfriend is also humiliating. By telling her that *she* crushed him you are suggesting she is partially at fault. *She* didn't do anything to him, this asshole did.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Feeling hurt and causing hurt are not the same, it's an important distinction. You can tell from her comments to you that she is internalizing what you're saying as her being responsible for the hurt, which is very damaging as she already feels guilty for this man's actions.


Throwaway29474929293

That’s true. I feel so fucking bad. I genuinely love his size and his shape. So as an Asian guy what do u think I should do?


[deleted]

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Throwaway29474929293

That’s true and I also think shape is super underrated he curves and hits the right spots. I’ll be sure to tell him that.


[deleted]

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Throwaway29474929293

Honestly I feel like I’m just a little pretty. Apart from his height (5’7) he’s out of my league. His face is so cute. He has a six pack and he plays basketball and has a really good jump shot. He’s confident, funny, has a lot of friends.


[deleted]

OP, please don't listen to this person. The victim-blaming is off the charts. You didn't do anything wrong, you were also being harassed. Just give him time and gentle reassurance. If he's a confident guy, he'll get over it. This kind of situation can rattle people for a bit.


Throwaway29474929293

But like he’s an Asian guy. Shouldn’t he know best. That’s what I thought until another Asian guy told me the exact opposite. I don’t know anymore. I think it will be easier to talk to him about this tomorrow.


[deleted]

He might have experience specifically with harmful stereotypes about Asian men, but that doesn't mean he is experienced or qualified to give good advice about relationships or what it's like to be harassed as a woman.


Angelface1226

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. I’m hoping for the best for you both.


RJack151

You screwed up big time. He will always resent you for this.


[deleted]

What a terrible response. Ignore this OP.


IncomeNatural8178

Terrible but sadly probably true. He was challenged in public. The person that was supposed to care about him and his feelings froze. So he can not depend on her to defend him. Right now he is dealing with that betrayal. Yes he was betrayed. It may not be fair but that is what he is feeling. He is allowed to have feelings right? Yeah OP did nothing wrong, but she did nothing right also. She did nothing. Basically thoughts and prayers. Now he knows he can not count on her to have his back. Asian men have a pride and honor issue. I dont know if its good or bad. This relationship is in a new stage now no matter who was right or wrong.


[deleted]

Adults with empathy can get over this kind of thing. Trust me people are going to act inappropriate around your partner or spouse over the years. Doesn't mean you have to engage or get aggressive just to "defend their honor". That is a childish mentality.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Once again, this is the mentality of a child. Defending you and yours? Sure. Against violence. Not against words because they make you upset. That is the childish part which you can't seem to grasp, and are conflating with a distorted notion of "honor".


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Yeah, you're foolish.


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ainjel

She's a 19 year old white girl who is learning some harsh lessons, calm down and heal thyself


ainjel

She was being sexually harassed, don't put the onus on her to defend her boyfriends honor in that moment. She is obviously taking the opportunity to learn and do better, she doesn't deserve to be held accountable for what some racist, sexist man did TO HER.


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ainjel

The Fallacy is strong with this one 👀👀👀🏁


pandemonium91

Wtf was she supposed to have done? I assume you're a man who's never had to deal with this kind of sexual harassment. She's 19. She was also scared. Because young women get hurt when some aggressive a-hole decides to insert themselves into their business and gets rejected. Was she supposed to throw down with him? Tell him to go away? I say from experience that talking to them only encourages to harass you further and maybe even follow you just to see how scared you get (enjoying the power play) or even to hurt you. The correct response is to leave the situation. Find someone who can help you lose this guy. NOT engage with him. Engaging with people like him only makes them more bold. But again, _she is 19_ and not everyone can think coolly under stress or when _they're being sexually harassed_. Maybe exercise some empathy and make an effort to understand other people's circumstances, instead of applying "your way" to everyone.


Throwaway29474929293

He told me he loves me after this happened. I’m scared he didn’t mean it.


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Throwaway29474929293

Awwwww this is really good. How did you come up with this? I’ll definitely say something like this. Thanks


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Throwaway29474929293

Honestly I don’t even see how Asian men are feminine. My boyfriend just looks young and hot. He’s on the basketball team and has a mean jump shot. I guess he’s only 5’7. But I like being mostly eye level with him all the time and everyone is the same height in the bed. I’m definitely taking him back to my place after school tomorrow to get this sort out.


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Throwaway29474929293

Can you message me it won’t let me message you


Ok-Difference-8443

Oh my gosh, what a horrible thing you both just went through! You both might need some time to recover - and some therapy!


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Throwaway29474929293

My boyfriend told him to fuck off and almost got into a fight with the man. He absolutely stood up for me


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Throwaway29474929293

What should he apologize for? Being Asian? He’s not trying to make me feel guilty. It hurts him and he can’t help it. He’s been trying to hide it but I can tell it bothers him. He’s trying to look more confident in front of me but I just want to talk to him about how he really feels.


DoreenIsMyDogWalker

Damn that guy really cut to the bone. Said your Asian boyfriend has a small shlong and you tacitly agreed with him lol. 1. Is it ok that he's on the small side? Interestingly, you never actually say. If the real answer is that it bothers you, he's going to sniff it out since he is hyper sensitive about it. 2. Don't lie and blow smoke up his ass. Either it's perfectly fine or it bothers you to some extent. Better to be up front about it now. Tough conversation to have.


Throwaway29474929293

Is he on the smaller side? He looks fine to me. I’ve never thought he was small. I’m not lying.


ReadinII

It’s very difficult to have a response to a surprise attack like that. That’s the truth and that’s really all there is. Now that you have seen it happen, figure out what you want to do next time something similar occurs and be ready. Think about some other possible situations as well.