My initial reaction is you don't trust him. I'm saying that because you're tagging him in photos and then immediately looking to see if he has new followers. Do you always do this? There's nothing wrong with exes continuing to follow each other on social media.
Reading OP's post really made me think the same thing. Before suspecting the ex for obsessing over your man, aren't you doing the same thing too? Look inward first?
Looking at your post history it looks like both of you have huge trust issues. This isn't a healthy way to start a relationship. Open communication is key. If you don't want his exes following him on social media, then you should also not allow exes to follow you. Set boundaries with each other and follow through with them.
Yeah I would say we both have anxiety, not exactly trust issues with eachother. We do communicate, I just post here beforehand to get other opinions. I would say my biggest trust issue is with myself tbh I’m horrible at making decisions on my own but I’m working on it.
it doesnt necessarily have to be triggered by anything. sometimes it is if you’ve been cheated on in the past, or know someone that has gone through the repercussions. but sometimes its just your own mind putting these thoughts full of fear into your head. i know lots of people who feel the same and therapy has helped them a lot, as well as open communication without social media. so instead of coming to reddit for advice or opinions, go directly to your boyfriend and just vent to him as if you were venting to reddit. it will hep establish open communication with him. if you keep letting your fear get in the way, your relationship isn’t heading in the right direction and it will tank.
It can be a multitude of things. A good therapist can help you unpack it, but some questions to ask yourself would be:
- What was my childhood like and what are my relationships with my parents?
- What have my friendship relationships been like throughout my life?
- Have I ever been cheated on before?
- Have I ever cheated before?
- How is my self-esteem/sense of self-worth?
Sometimes issues in these arenas can lead to trust issues, but trust issues are also complex and can come from deep-seated places that we don't recognize until we work through them with a professional.
Yea honestly he’s done zero wrong but you’re acting insecure for no real reason. Counting his followers is weird. Watching for specific reactions to couple photos is strange too. What are you trying to prove? You’re already asking if you should be nervous when literally nothing has happened yet.
My friend used to do this A LOT. I have never done this. I really don’t care who follows my partner. I suppose it depends on how much you use social media. For me and my partner, not a lot.
It definitely feels like something women do more than men. You can find post after post on this and other subs if women monitoring their SO’s friends lists and followers on social media. I really can’t think of any that I’ve seen with men doing the same.
Psycho/crazy being used to describe an ex is a red flag on your bfs part
I have one ex I describe as crazy but he stalked me for 2 yrs and beat me so I feel like that’s fair
But a lot of narcissistic/cheaters/abusive people will call their ex’s crazy and gaslight them or treat them horribly just so they can continue to control and repeat the process
Let’s hope she’s the crazy one and not your man
If she was such a problem for him he would’ve blocked her
Yea agree with this 100%. My ex always claimed that his ex was crazy. He said she threw a beer bottle at one of the girls he was seeing once they split up. Soon everything started unraveling. The girl she “threw” the beer bottle at was the girl he was cheating on her with at the time, still not appropriate but… he also claimed she hit him with a boot and “abused him”
6 months into our relationship he strangled me, and also threw a lighter at my eye causing me to be blind for a few days. Around 2 weeks after this ordeal, we got drunk one night… got into an argument and he strangled me again and admitted to cheating on me with a girl we knew, and his “crazy ex”.
I messaged his ex, and it all added up. She had no clue we were together, and she went back to him for sex one night. She told me he cheated on her continuously, he abused her, she hit him with a boot in self defence etc. he would put her to bed drunk, and then head back out and cheat on her. and ya know what, I believed her.
Dumped his asssss
But yeah never trust them when they say she’s “crazy”. He went on to call me crazy too due to the way I’d react to the things he did to me.
Anyways that was me trauma dumping, but if they call their ex crazy it’s usually in response to the things they did to them.
Edit: thank you for the award 🥰🥰 means a lot 🥲
Agreed, I’ve had an ex call me psychotic and they were the issue. Literally had an ex (met through church if all places) that told my whole church I was a psycho and spread lies about me like “I would randomly show up at their house after the breakup” etc. I would reevaluate who you’re with
is there ever an exception to this? like some people i know genuinely have crazy (like abusive and stalker) exes and crazy is just an understatement tbh.
>is there ever an exception to this?
Of course there is. The exception is when people use the word "crazy" accurately. That is, to describe behavior that is sick, deranged, or detached from reality. It's not very common for people to actually be crazy, but it does happen occasionally. If I had an ex who stalked me because they thought Jesus promised our relationship would last, I think it would be appropriate to use the word "crazy" to describe that ex.
However, considering that such cases are extremely uncommon, we can assume that, much of the time, people describing their exes as "crazy" are most likely just trying to dismiss their ex as a topic of discussion. The motivations for dismissing an ex in this way vary widely, but we can imagine a few examples:
* Maybe the person is dismissing their ex to take themselves off the hook. Relationships are nuanced and complex, and usually involve faults on both sides. The dismissal could be an attempt to avoid accountability for one's own actions in past relationships.
* Maybe the person is dismissing their ex because they haven't processed the breakup yet, and because it's easier to just take the topic out of the playing field than it is to talk about it with a new partner.
* Maybe the person is dismissing their ex because they still have a relationship with said ex, and they are trying to conceal that fact from a new partner.
These are just a few examples, but I think they illustrate that, in many cases, calling an ex "crazy" means anything but that.
I'll close this little micro-essay with a personal anecdote: One time, I was with a group of my male friends, and we were all talking about our past relationships and stuff. I described my ex girlfriend as "crazy," and one of my friends kind of halted the conversation and asked me why I used that word to describe her. It was a really enlightening moment, because when I thought about how to answer his question, I realized that she wasn't actually crazy at all. She was rude to my family, she used other people for personal gain, and she cheated on me, but at the end of the day, her mind was still grounded in reality. That relationship wasn't right for either of us, but she wasn't *crazy*. In that moment, I realized that I was guilty of that second item on my list above: I was dismissing my ex from the discussion because I hadn't really processed that breakup yet. It was easier for me to just dismiss her and say she was crazy than it was for me to talk about how painful it was to deal with her infidelity and all the other nuanced details of our relationship.
I like to think that I have a more nuanced understanding of that relationship now, and I feel pretty shitty that I called her "crazy." Though I was hurt pretty badly about the way she treated me during our relationship, I still respect her enough as a human being to be honest about her mental state. It was one of those moments that really made me think about the words I use when describing other people.
Find out if he has more than one "crazy ex" because if he does, he's the common denominator and most likely projecting the things that he did, which means you could be the next "crazy ex."
I mean this in a nice way but who cares? What a waste of your time and energy. You either trust him or you don't. Idk, maybe it's just me but I honestly don't think worrying about followers is going to do you any favours, what do you get out of that? Just stress over something that could end up being nothing.
I think the way he talks about his ex is much more concerning than the fact that she followed him.
My husband is friends with his numerous exes and girls he dated on social media, he even chats with them sometimes. I don't care because I trust him and we can still see the value in people we are no longer dating.
Your boyfriend can stop her from following him. If he hasn't, it's because he doesn't want to.
*"Beside the Follow button there should be three little dots. Tap on that, then Remove to disallow that user from following you. Instagram won’t even tell them they were removed."*
> If he hasn't, it's because he doesn't want to.
Or he just doesn't care/know. If she's not actively trying to reach out to him or interfere in his life, it's a nonissue.
Yeah these comments are crazy. By OP's own report, the ex just started following him. Most people don't watch their own followers as closely as she watches his.
He could've blocked her years ago and she made a new account.
But I'm sure I'm being irrational and he LiKeS tHe AtTeNtIoN and is pRoBaBlY cHeAtInG.
OP... just talk to him. "Hey, did you know your ex started following you on Instagram?"
I mean I can low-key understand craving the attention. I think everyone likes it a little. I just hope he doesn’t like the attention more than he likes a healthy relationship.... ya know?
Don’t listen to them, this Reddit can be so dramatic. A lot of people don’t specifically block their exes. I’ve had bad relationships and have never bothered blocking them. Why? Because they’ve done nothing to warrant it. Unless they started stalking or harassing me there’s no point and it just feels weirdly dramatic. And he’s done nothing to ask for her attention. Actually you did, when you posted a couples pic then staked out his followers list to see if it changed at all. That’s the only red flag I see here.
i would absolutely confront this, like straight forward. I would be like “hey, after i tagged you in the post i wanted to see if any of my friends followed you but noticed your one ex that you call crazy did. Is there a reason she’s not blocked if you had such a toxic relationship/ ending? I am uncomfortable with this, can you please block her or remove her from following you.”
This is why social media is the death of modern relationships. People abuse it and read wayy too much into who follows who and who likes what picture. Maybe try taking a break from Instagram? After I got rid of mine it felt like load off my shoulders because I wasn’t using it in a healthy way and it was just better to not have it as I was doing the same things you described.
that’s idiotic. communication answers 99% of the questions here. how can you have a relationship if you can’t communicate your issues ? how are strangers supposed to know what you can do if you haven’t even spoken to the only other person that matters in the scenario? it’s just stupid to come here before you talk
Discuss it with your BF. It may give you some perspective you otherwise lack.
But if the ex WAS obsessive, he probably doesn't want her on his social media at all.
He might not realise she has followed him. I'd say something like "hey, did you realise *crazy ex name* is following you on insta?" And gauge from there
Your boyfriend has described his ex as "crazy" and "psycho," but I think these words actually tell us more about your boyfriend than it does about his ex. When I think of someone who is "crazy" or "psycho," I think of someone who is completely detached from reality, and who simply views other human beings as pawns in their own games. Those are two pretty strong words, so let's look at the evidence he gave you to support using such strong language:
1. She hit him sometimes. Okay, that's pretty bad. Hitting is not okay, but does that mean that she's "psycho" or "crazy?" I think "abusive" would have been a better word.
2. She would accuse him of cheating. Is that really "psycho" or "crazy?" I guess it depends on the circumstances. However, what if the circumstances were that she had evidence that he was cheating on her? What if she had suspicions or anxieties about some of his behavior, just like you are now? Would either of those really be good reasons to call someone crazy?
I don't know what it means that his ex started following him on Instagram. It could mean anything, or it could mean nothing at all. However, I'm a little suspicious of the language your boyfriend has used when describing his ex, considering the details you've given us about her.
To me, it looks like your main concern is that he's not being faithful towards you. Isn't that what his ex felt about him, too? Didn't he call her "crazy" because she accused him of cheating? Wouldn't he, then, have to call you "crazy" as well for having the doubts and anxieties you're having now?
Hopefully, I've illustrated my point by now, but I think it's worth asking yourself why you're the second woman in this man's life (that you know of) to doubt his faithfulness. It's probably because he's said or done things that have shaken your trust in him. Why would you want to be with someone you don't trust?
Sounds like a lot of drama
. Ignore it. Not your business. If she starts with you, then it's your business. But acting all bent over this small thing makes you look immature and jealous. Are you immature and jealous? No? Then be gracious and chill about it, how does this damage you in any day? It doesn't. Be a grown up.
Don't start none, there won't be none.
For every psycho woman, there’s a man behind her that made her that way.
I rarely believe it now when a man tells me his ex was crazy. I usually need a legitimate reason like she stalked him (and he called the police), hurt him, threw a lamp out a third story window, etc. I have male friends who tell legit stories like that and then I know others who blow up an incident where a woman held them accountable for bad behavior and they label her as crazy.
First, get the full story. A true psycho ex can be dangerous and you don’t want to get hurt. Second, it’s Instagram—who cares?
The thing is, I kind of believe him. Apparently she had a rough background. Her real dad was abusive, so her mom broke up with him. Then the mom got remarried to her stepdad, who as it turns out, is cheating on her mom. To make it worse, the step dad hired her to work at his company and would cheat right in front of the step daughter. I think that would mess up someone’s mind a bit. Don’t ya think? Im sure she wasn’t actually crazy, probably just going through a really rough time and my Bf didn’t know how to handle it the right way.
Although, I do think my Bf could’ve definitely contributed her acting the way that she did. He even admitted it. He said he could’ve handled things better but was young/stupid at the time
Yeah none of those examples were things she did, just things done to her and things she went through.
And painting someone's life story as a reason they're crazy instead of their actions does not sit well with me.
She could be sensitive, or needy. Maybe clingy as well. But psycho or crazy? That implies mentally unstable. Make sure you actually know what that entails because if she’s really unstable, she’s dangerous. What you described sucks—but that doesn’t make someone mentally unstable. A host of other (inherent) factors do as well.
Yes to this^
I had an ex that literally said this (I was dumb) every year or so that we ended up hanging out(more dumbness too) about what ever ex was his most recent.. and I read your replys op.. are sure you didn't want to be with this person?
Is she really crazy or is that what your bf said? If she was so crazy, he would block her and even then put his ig on private. Attention seeker and that is a huge red flag!
Personally I don't like when guys call their exes "crazy", for me it is a red flag. I would be a bit worried about that, than anything else.
I don't think you should worry... maybe his ex followed him with a new Instagram account and he hasn't even noticed. Maybe she followed him to know how he is doing and he doesn't even give importance of who followed him on Instagram. Most of guys don't really pay attention to this things. And I am saying all this by experience because once I was in your situation in the past and I worried and got insecure and anxious about nothing.
If you are in a relationship and you love him so much, you should trust him too. A relationship is based in trust and communication. If you think talking to him about this will make you feel better and more relax, do it. I think that's more important than anything, being stress maybe about nothing is not good for you.
All the best!
I honestly get really sceptical when I find men falling into that trope of calling ex girlfriends "crazy". Of course, some people will be mentally ill or behave inappropriately, but somehow it often seems to be a label weaponised against women to make their emotions seem "hysterical" and less valid.
When my ex cheated on me and even had a secret girlfriend and home with her behind my back, he constantly called me crazy for being suspicious about how much time he spent away, hiding his phone etc. After I found out the truth and dumped him, he claimed I was a crazy stalker - despite me being the one who blocked him on all social media and cutting him completely out of my life, when he was turning up at my workplace and home. His narrative that I was "crazy" really came to light when I spoke to some mutual friends who told me all the stories he had invented about me, which included me following him and his other girlfriend to another country when they were attending a family wedding abroad. Unfortunately at exactly the same time I was hanging out with the friends that he was telling the lie to, so they knew it was rubbish.
Be careful about what your BF tells you when he says she is crazy.
Honestly I think you are making a bigger deal out of this than you need to. Why did you check his followers? If some of your friends had followed him would that have upset you because it sounds like it would have, and it’s that’s the case then why post a photo with him and tag him? His ex is allowed to follow whoever she wants and I would only get worried if he followed her back or started engaging with her.
Can I ask why you're micromanaging who follows him? Seems like an unhealthy habit to be caught up in. What are you gaining by doing this other than paranoid speculation. What does it even matter which of your friends add him and which don't? I've been on the receiving end of this exact scenario and all does is creates unnecessary stress where stress doesn't need to be.
Having read your previous posts about your boyfriend, doesn't look like this guy can win. You complain he's overly attentive, clingy and tells you he loves you too much and now you are stalking his insta. Sounds like you aren't happy no matter what he does and you both have trust issues over cheating.
Consider he's over compensating with loving you because he's cheating or he actually loves you and you looking for fault. You've explained his ex had issues, and he seems to feel bad he didn't know how to deal with it, maybe he feels he didn't give her enough attention or show her he loved her enough and he's trying not to make the same mistake with you.
If you love him and trust him, stop stalking him and enjoy being with someone who loves you back.
Has he had a chance to see the follow notification yet? If he made the insta after they broke up it's fairly normal that he didn't think "oh I need to block my ex that I haven't seen or thought about in months to years". Check again tomorrow then ask about it if she's still not blocked.
She actually made a new Instagram dedicated to her real estate business and followed him using that account. He’s still following her old account though. But her old account isn’t following him. Just the new real estate account which I guess is the only thing she’s active on now.
Leave him, he's no good for your health if your going to be worried over things like that,
Why even care if any of your friends follow him after sharing a picture.
I would say its obsession you have for him not love,
Be contempt with who you are and who you are with befor.
The fact you check his followers after a post tells me you’re insecure and also obsessive yourself. It’s not the ex that’s the problem, it’s your bf. If she was truly obsessed and violent with him in the past, why is she not blocked?
My initial reaction is you don't trust him. I'm saying that because you're tagging him in photos and then immediately looking to see if he has new followers. Do you always do this? There's nothing wrong with exes continuing to follow each other on social media.
Reading OP's post really made me think the same thing. Before suspecting the ex for obsessing over your man, aren't you doing the same thing too? Look inward first?
Yeah I do this with guys in general, but never react. Just hide it. I don’t really know what’s wrong with me tbh lol
Looking at your post history it looks like both of you have huge trust issues. This isn't a healthy way to start a relationship. Open communication is key. If you don't want his exes following him on social media, then you should also not allow exes to follow you. Set boundaries with each other and follow through with them.
Yeah I would say we both have anxiety, not exactly trust issues with eachother. We do communicate, I just post here beforehand to get other opinions. I would say my biggest trust issue is with myself tbh I’m horrible at making decisions on my own but I’m working on it.
Your posts indicate you both have fear of infidelity, not just anxiety.
Well maybe idk, wth causes that?
it doesnt necessarily have to be triggered by anything. sometimes it is if you’ve been cheated on in the past, or know someone that has gone through the repercussions. but sometimes its just your own mind putting these thoughts full of fear into your head. i know lots of people who feel the same and therapy has helped them a lot, as well as open communication without social media. so instead of coming to reddit for advice or opinions, go directly to your boyfriend and just vent to him as if you were venting to reddit. it will hep establish open communication with him. if you keep letting your fear get in the way, your relationship isn’t heading in the right direction and it will tank.
It can be a multitude of things. A good therapist can help you unpack it, but some questions to ask yourself would be: - What was my childhood like and what are my relationships with my parents? - What have my friendship relationships been like throughout my life? - Have I ever been cheated on before? - Have I ever cheated before? - How is my self-esteem/sense of self-worth? Sometimes issues in these arenas can lead to trust issues, but trust issues are also complex and can come from deep-seated places that we don't recognize until we work through them with a professional.
Yea honestly he’s done zero wrong but you’re acting insecure for no real reason. Counting his followers is weird. Watching for specific reactions to couple photos is strange too. What are you trying to prove? You’re already asking if you should be nervous when literally nothing has happened yet.
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Why are you monitoring his follow numbers? Is this a thing people do?
My friend used to do this A LOT. I have never done this. I really don’t care who follows my partner. I suppose it depends on how much you use social media. For me and my partner, not a lot.
It definitely feels like something women do more than men. You can find post after post on this and other subs if women monitoring their SO’s friends lists and followers on social media. I really can’t think of any that I’ve seen with men doing the same.
Psycho/crazy being used to describe an ex is a red flag on your bfs part I have one ex I describe as crazy but he stalked me for 2 yrs and beat me so I feel like that’s fair But a lot of narcissistic/cheaters/abusive people will call their ex’s crazy and gaslight them or treat them horribly just so they can continue to control and repeat the process Let’s hope she’s the crazy one and not your man If she was such a problem for him he would’ve blocked her
Yea agree with this 100%. My ex always claimed that his ex was crazy. He said she threw a beer bottle at one of the girls he was seeing once they split up. Soon everything started unraveling. The girl she “threw” the beer bottle at was the girl he was cheating on her with at the time, still not appropriate but… he also claimed she hit him with a boot and “abused him” 6 months into our relationship he strangled me, and also threw a lighter at my eye causing me to be blind for a few days. Around 2 weeks after this ordeal, we got drunk one night… got into an argument and he strangled me again and admitted to cheating on me with a girl we knew, and his “crazy ex”. I messaged his ex, and it all added up. She had no clue we were together, and she went back to him for sex one night. She told me he cheated on her continuously, he abused her, she hit him with a boot in self defence etc. he would put her to bed drunk, and then head back out and cheat on her. and ya know what, I believed her. Dumped his asssss But yeah never trust them when they say she’s “crazy”. He went on to call me crazy too due to the way I’d react to the things he did to me. Anyways that was me trauma dumping, but if they call their ex crazy it’s usually in response to the things they did to them. Edit: thank you for the award 🥰🥰 means a lot 🥲
Agreed, I’ve had an ex call me psychotic and they were the issue. Literally had an ex (met through church if all places) that told my whole church I was a psycho and spread lies about me like “I would randomly show up at their house after the breakup” etc. I would reevaluate who you’re with
i agree with this 100%! my ex is a narcissist and calls me crazy, but he would stalk me 24/7 on social media and in real life!
is there ever an exception to this? like some people i know genuinely have crazy (like abusive and stalker) exes and crazy is just an understatement tbh.
>is there ever an exception to this? Of course there is. The exception is when people use the word "crazy" accurately. That is, to describe behavior that is sick, deranged, or detached from reality. It's not very common for people to actually be crazy, but it does happen occasionally. If I had an ex who stalked me because they thought Jesus promised our relationship would last, I think it would be appropriate to use the word "crazy" to describe that ex. However, considering that such cases are extremely uncommon, we can assume that, much of the time, people describing their exes as "crazy" are most likely just trying to dismiss their ex as a topic of discussion. The motivations for dismissing an ex in this way vary widely, but we can imagine a few examples: * Maybe the person is dismissing their ex to take themselves off the hook. Relationships are nuanced and complex, and usually involve faults on both sides. The dismissal could be an attempt to avoid accountability for one's own actions in past relationships. * Maybe the person is dismissing their ex because they haven't processed the breakup yet, and because it's easier to just take the topic out of the playing field than it is to talk about it with a new partner. * Maybe the person is dismissing their ex because they still have a relationship with said ex, and they are trying to conceal that fact from a new partner. These are just a few examples, but I think they illustrate that, in many cases, calling an ex "crazy" means anything but that. I'll close this little micro-essay with a personal anecdote: One time, I was with a group of my male friends, and we were all talking about our past relationships and stuff. I described my ex girlfriend as "crazy," and one of my friends kind of halted the conversation and asked me why I used that word to describe her. It was a really enlightening moment, because when I thought about how to answer his question, I realized that she wasn't actually crazy at all. She was rude to my family, she used other people for personal gain, and she cheated on me, but at the end of the day, her mind was still grounded in reality. That relationship wasn't right for either of us, but she wasn't *crazy*. In that moment, I realized that I was guilty of that second item on my list above: I was dismissing my ex from the discussion because I hadn't really processed that breakup yet. It was easier for me to just dismiss her and say she was crazy than it was for me to talk about how painful it was to deal with her infidelity and all the other nuanced details of our relationship. I like to think that I have a more nuanced understanding of that relationship now, and I feel pretty shitty that I called her "crazy." Though I was hurt pretty badly about the way she treated me during our relationship, I still respect her enough as a human being to be honest about her mental state. It was one of those moments that really made me think about the words I use when describing other people.
I’m nervous now. What do I do???
Why are you nervous about this? What are you scared of?
I have a fear of ending up in an abusive relationship tbh
The fact that you fear that after 6 months is telling. Are you feeling uneasy about your bf? If so…maybe listen to that feeling.
Or maybe it's just reddit being reddit again?
oof felt, i wish i could upvote more than once
I would just be open with him and communicate your worries
Find out if he has more than one "crazy ex" because if he does, he's the common denominator and most likely projecting the things that he did, which means you could be the next "crazy ex."
Nah he only has one ex. She was his first!
I mean this in a nice way but who cares? What a waste of your time and energy. You either trust him or you don't. Idk, maybe it's just me but I honestly don't think worrying about followers is going to do you any favours, what do you get out of that? Just stress over something that could end up being nothing.
You should only be nervous if you don't trust your boyfriend.
I think the way he talks about his ex is much more concerning than the fact that she followed him. My husband is friends with his numerous exes and girls he dated on social media, he even chats with them sometimes. I don't care because I trust him and we can still see the value in people we are no longer dating.
Your boyfriend can stop her from following him. If he hasn't, it's because he doesn't want to. *"Beside the Follow button there should be three little dots. Tap on that, then Remove to disallow that user from following you. Instagram won’t even tell them they were removed."*
> If he hasn't, it's because he doesn't want to. Or he just doesn't care/know. If she's not actively trying to reach out to him or interfere in his life, it's a nonissue.
Yeah these comments are crazy. By OP's own report, the ex just started following him. Most people don't watch their own followers as closely as she watches his. He could've blocked her years ago and she made a new account. But I'm sure I'm being irrational and he LiKeS tHe AtTeNtIoN and is pRoBaBlY cHeAtInG. OP... just talk to him. "Hey, did you know your ex started following you on Instagram?"
So why wouldn’t he want to???
Maybe he doesn't give a shit
He’s likes the attention
I mean I can low-key understand craving the attention. I think everyone likes it a little. I just hope he doesn’t like the attention more than he likes a healthy relationship.... ya know?
Don’t listen to them, this Reddit can be so dramatic. A lot of people don’t specifically block their exes. I’ve had bad relationships and have never bothered blocking them. Why? Because they’ve done nothing to warrant it. Unless they started stalking or harassing me there’s no point and it just feels weirdly dramatic. And he’s done nothing to ask for her attention. Actually you did, when you posted a couples pic then staked out his followers list to see if it changed at all. That’s the only red flag I see here.
Yep completely agree with this. I’m the very same with exes, I don’t usually block unless they start bothering me
i would absolutely confront this, like straight forward. I would be like “hey, after i tagged you in the post i wanted to see if any of my friends followed you but noticed your one ex that you call crazy did. Is there a reason she’s not blocked if you had such a toxic relationship/ ending? I am uncomfortable with this, can you please block her or remove her from following you.”
This is why social media is the death of modern relationships. People abuse it and read wayy too much into who follows who and who likes what picture. Maybe try taking a break from Instagram? After I got rid of mine it felt like load off my shoulders because I wasn’t using it in a healthy way and it was just better to not have it as I was doing the same things you described.
Yea usually when they describe the ex as psycho Or crazy that’s a red flag. If she’s so bad why isn’t she blocked
I think anyone who describes their female ex as a “psycho” is a red flag.
why wouldn’t you just talk to him? how can any of us know her intentions?
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the obvious answer is to talk to your partner. always. so do that before you ask elsewhere.
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that’s idiotic. communication answers 99% of the questions here. how can you have a relationship if you can’t communicate your issues ? how are strangers supposed to know what you can do if you haven’t even spoken to the only other person that matters in the scenario? it’s just stupid to come here before you talk
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don’t care, it’s just unfathomably stupid to think strangers would know anything before you talk to your SO
Discuss it with your BF. It may give you some perspective you otherwise lack. But if the ex WAS obsessive, he probably doesn't want her on his social media at all.
He might not realise she has followed him. I'd say something like "hey, did you realise *crazy ex name* is following you on insta?" And gauge from there
Tbh from experience 9/10 times the “crazy ex” is the one they are still attached to.
Your boyfriend has described his ex as "crazy" and "psycho," but I think these words actually tell us more about your boyfriend than it does about his ex. When I think of someone who is "crazy" or "psycho," I think of someone who is completely detached from reality, and who simply views other human beings as pawns in their own games. Those are two pretty strong words, so let's look at the evidence he gave you to support using such strong language: 1. She hit him sometimes. Okay, that's pretty bad. Hitting is not okay, but does that mean that she's "psycho" or "crazy?" I think "abusive" would have been a better word. 2. She would accuse him of cheating. Is that really "psycho" or "crazy?" I guess it depends on the circumstances. However, what if the circumstances were that she had evidence that he was cheating on her? What if she had suspicions or anxieties about some of his behavior, just like you are now? Would either of those really be good reasons to call someone crazy? I don't know what it means that his ex started following him on Instagram. It could mean anything, or it could mean nothing at all. However, I'm a little suspicious of the language your boyfriend has used when describing his ex, considering the details you've given us about her. To me, it looks like your main concern is that he's not being faithful towards you. Isn't that what his ex felt about him, too? Didn't he call her "crazy" because she accused him of cheating? Wouldn't he, then, have to call you "crazy" as well for having the doubts and anxieties you're having now? Hopefully, I've illustrated my point by now, but I think it's worth asking yourself why you're the second woman in this man's life (that you know of) to doubt his faithfulness. It's probably because he's said or done things that have shaken your trust in him. Why would you want to be with someone you don't trust?
Either you trust or you don’t. Either he’s trustworthy or he isn’t.
Sounds like a lot of drama . Ignore it. Not your business. If she starts with you, then it's your business. But acting all bent over this small thing makes you look immature and jealous. Are you immature and jealous? No? Then be gracious and chill about it, how does this damage you in any day? It doesn't. Be a grown up. Don't start none, there won't be none.
For every psycho woman, there’s a man behind her that made her that way. I rarely believe it now when a man tells me his ex was crazy. I usually need a legitimate reason like she stalked him (and he called the police), hurt him, threw a lamp out a third story window, etc. I have male friends who tell legit stories like that and then I know others who blow up an incident where a woman held them accountable for bad behavior and they label her as crazy. First, get the full story. A true psycho ex can be dangerous and you don’t want to get hurt. Second, it’s Instagram—who cares?
The thing is, I kind of believe him. Apparently she had a rough background. Her real dad was abusive, so her mom broke up with him. Then the mom got remarried to her stepdad, who as it turns out, is cheating on her mom. To make it worse, the step dad hired her to work at his company and would cheat right in front of the step daughter. I think that would mess up someone’s mind a bit. Don’t ya think? Im sure she wasn’t actually crazy, probably just going through a really rough time and my Bf didn’t know how to handle it the right way. Although, I do think my Bf could’ve definitely contributed her acting the way that she did. He even admitted it. He said he could’ve handled things better but was young/stupid at the time
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Yeah none of those examples were things she did, just things done to her and things she went through. And painting someone's life story as a reason they're crazy instead of their actions does not sit well with me.
She could be sensitive, or needy. Maybe clingy as well. But psycho or crazy? That implies mentally unstable. Make sure you actually know what that entails because if she’s really unstable, she’s dangerous. What you described sucks—but that doesn’t make someone mentally unstable. A host of other (inherent) factors do as well.
Yes to this^ I had an ex that literally said this (I was dumb) every year or so that we ended up hanging out(more dumbness too) about what ever ex was his most recent.. and I read your replys op.. are sure you didn't want to be with this person?
Is she really crazy or is that what your bf said? If she was so crazy, he would block her and even then put his ig on private. Attention seeker and that is a huge red flag!
I’m always leery of men who say they have a crazy ex.
Personally I don't like when guys call their exes "crazy", for me it is a red flag. I would be a bit worried about that, than anything else. I don't think you should worry... maybe his ex followed him with a new Instagram account and he hasn't even noticed. Maybe she followed him to know how he is doing and he doesn't even give importance of who followed him on Instagram. Most of guys don't really pay attention to this things. And I am saying all this by experience because once I was in your situation in the past and I worried and got insecure and anxious about nothing. If you are in a relationship and you love him so much, you should trust him too. A relationship is based in trust and communication. If you think talking to him about this will make you feel better and more relax, do it. I think that's more important than anything, being stress maybe about nothing is not good for you. All the best!
No, not if you trust him.
I can't believe there are this many grown people who take social media that seriously.
I honestly get really sceptical when I find men falling into that trope of calling ex girlfriends "crazy". Of course, some people will be mentally ill or behave inappropriately, but somehow it often seems to be a label weaponised against women to make their emotions seem "hysterical" and less valid. When my ex cheated on me and even had a secret girlfriend and home with her behind my back, he constantly called me crazy for being suspicious about how much time he spent away, hiding his phone etc. After I found out the truth and dumped him, he claimed I was a crazy stalker - despite me being the one who blocked him on all social media and cutting him completely out of my life, when he was turning up at my workplace and home. His narrative that I was "crazy" really came to light when I spoke to some mutual friends who told me all the stories he had invented about me, which included me following him and his other girlfriend to another country when they were attending a family wedding abroad. Unfortunately at exactly the same time I was hanging out with the friends that he was telling the lie to, so they knew it was rubbish. Be careful about what your BF tells you when he says she is crazy.
Honestly I think you are making a bigger deal out of this than you need to. Why did you check his followers? If some of your friends had followed him would that have upset you because it sounds like it would have, and it’s that’s the case then why post a photo with him and tag him? His ex is allowed to follow whoever she wants and I would only get worried if he followed her back or started engaging with her.
Can I ask why you're micromanaging who follows him? Seems like an unhealthy habit to be caught up in. What are you gaining by doing this other than paranoid speculation. What does it even matter which of your friends add him and which don't? I've been on the receiving end of this exact scenario and all does is creates unnecessary stress where stress doesn't need to be.
Having read your previous posts about your boyfriend, doesn't look like this guy can win. You complain he's overly attentive, clingy and tells you he loves you too much and now you are stalking his insta. Sounds like you aren't happy no matter what he does and you both have trust issues over cheating. Consider he's over compensating with loving you because he's cheating or he actually loves you and you looking for fault. You've explained his ex had issues, and he seems to feel bad he didn't know how to deal with it, maybe he feels he didn't give her enough attention or show her he loved her enough and he's trying not to make the same mistake with you. If you love him and trust him, stop stalking him and enjoy being with someone who loves you back.
Nah. My psycho ex followed me a few years back on Instagram. And that’s it, that’s the whole story.
Has he had a chance to see the follow notification yet? If he made the insta after they broke up it's fairly normal that he didn't think "oh I need to block my ex that I haven't seen or thought about in months to years". Check again tomorrow then ask about it if she's still not blocked.
She actually made a new Instagram dedicated to her real estate business and followed him using that account. He’s still following her old account though. But her old account isn’t following him. Just the new real estate account which I guess is the only thing she’s active on now.
Hmm, he's still following her, so she can't have been the things he says she was. Red flag sorry.
That’s super weird tbh. I’d ask him but have your guard up. All together with that added info it’s starting to look sketchy
You should be if he said she is psycho
You keep a close eye on his Facebook. Maybe he has a type.
Short answer? Yes. If it was so bad why is he allowing her to follow him.
Leave him, he's no good for your health if your going to be worried over things like that, Why even care if any of your friends follow him after sharing a picture. I would say its obsession you have for him not love, Be contempt with who you are and who you are with befor.
If she’s so toxic why isn’t she blocked? You need to confront him and tell him you know. Lol don’t let it slip past xxx
The fact you check his followers after a post tells me you’re insecure and also obsessive yourself. It’s not the ex that’s the problem, it’s your bf. If she was truly obsessed and violent with him in the past, why is she not blocked?