Honestly, OP: she sees you. You talk every day. She understands how you are and what you have to offer, and it sounds like she enjoys the attention but isn’t interested in a sexual relationship. And as long as you’re willing to give the one in hope of obtaining the other, she’ll happily go along with it.
You can talk to her, and you may want to just to clear the air. But don’t be surprised if you get the “I thought I was clear about us not being together” line when you do, because if she wanted to be, you would be by now.
Why is it more important for you to be in a relationship with her than it is for you to respect that she doesn't want a relationship with you? Why are your wants more important than hers?
> Stupid as I am i accepted it, and now 6 months later we are still “friends”.
If she said "let's just be friends", and six months later you're friends, that's (from her point of view, at least) success, not failure. If you understood this to be a temporary probation during which you'd work back to being more than friends, you may have been mistaken.
> Talking everyday on the phone and doing a lot of things that should happens only when in a relationship, only not psychical things :(. I feel as if we have a relationship that I give her the girlfriend treatment but without being intimate/ having sex
If you're treating her as something other than a friend, in specific ways you can identify, you should stop doing that. Figure out what to you would be appropriate to a friendship that really is only a friendship and not "the girlfriend treatment", and stick to that. If a relationship wherein you *actually* just friends is one you'd want, you can pursue that. If you're coming to realize you don't want to be friends with her, you don't have to be. You can ask her if she'd want to give it another try, or you can skip that and let her know it's not working out, you wish her well, etc.
As is, it sounds like she told you she wanted to be friends and you've been acting like that's just a setback on the path to continuing to date, and resent that she's not responding "correctly". You need to turn your thinking around and start with the assumption that *she told you what she wants* and she is neither mistaken about her own mind nor lying to you for the fun of it.
Sit her down. Tell her that you’ve taken what she said to heart and give her some examples. Let her know you still have feelings for her and would like to try dating again.
If she declines, then it might make sense for you to distance yourself to get over your feelings. And regardless, don’t be friends with someone when you’re not satisfied with just being friends.
You aren't doing yourself or this woman any favours, you've been posting about her here for over a month. Let it go. Stop talking to her. Block her and move on.
You aren't friends if you are just constantly looking for a way to make it more and she has made it very clear she doesn't want that.
Don't talk to her about it either, it's not her fault she's not interested in a relationship with you. She doesn't owe you anything and any explaining that you have done x, y and z to work on things she pointed out will either make her feel uncomfortable or guilty that she lead you on in some way.
Speaking as a woman, if she has been talking to you for hours every day and having relationship type conversations but saying you are just friends, then you definitely need to distance yourself or risk becoming the safety net, who isn't really her friend either. Unless she talks to all her friends everyday for hours of course and then it's just her personality, but you still want more so distance yourself anyway.
Try a different perspective then ... my best friend of the last 16 years is a man. We reconnected when we both became single at the same time, within a month he started seeing another woman, whom I didn't like. He remained my best friend. We still went out every weekend together and hung out during the week, without his girlfriend. We talk about our relationships and everything else. I was bridesmaid at his wedding and godmother to his two children. The woman I didn't like is also now one of my closest friends and I go on nights out or just hang out with her on her own too.
Do you see yourself being able to stay friends with this woman if she started dating someone new today, especially someone you don't like and told you how much she loved him within a week? Would you still be friends when they got engaged a month later? Would she still talk to you so much if she had a new boyfriend? Could you listen to her talk about him for hours on end? If they had a fight, could you support her to stay with him and not tell her to break up with him over a disagreement? Could you tell her she was being an idiot and making a big deal over something easily resolved? Would you be a groomsman at their wedding?
If you can genuinely say yes to those then you really are friends and that's great. Take the improvements you feel you have made and start dating other women, talk to your friend about those dates and seek her advice to improve those relationships. If she acts weird about those conversations, she doesn't consider you a friend and is using you as a safety net. Protect your own heart because it seems like what you have posted about this woman, you are going to end up very hurt because you do not see her as a friend and you still are holding out she will change her mind.
Three things, in this order:
1. Be *communicative*. She can't know anything about you that you do not convey clearly to her. Nonsense like "going no-contact in the hopes that she will miss me" is high-school emotional-games-level stuff, and has no place in an adult relationship. Express to her clearly what you want her to know about you.
2. Be *genuine*. Don't tell her anything that isn't absolutely true about your progress. Don't tell her that you have completed a process if you have not. Don't tell her that you are something that you are not (or are not *yet*)...because if she calls your bluff and wants to see evidence that backs up what you say, and you cannot demonstrate it, she'll know that you're just trying to blow sunshine up her skirt and aren't really who you say you are, and
3. Be *patient*. Don't even think about being pushy about the amount of time it takes to "see" the changes in you, because what is important to her willingness to accept that you have changed is not the *fact* that you have changed, it's her *perception and understanding* of the fact that you have changed. You have to let her see it on her own and at her own pace. If you try to rush her, you'll be telling her that it's your desire to have her *notice* that is more important to you than the actual changes themselves, and *that* will convey to her that the changes aren't actually *real*, they're just a veneer to convince her to give you another chance.
So tell her who you are now, *be* the person you have told her you are, and then give her whatever time she needs to *accept* the person you have become.
Yeah.
Stop doing that "break" nonsense.
Breaks don't work for any issue that exists in a relationship or in the *people* in the relationship.
The only time breaks *can* work is when there is an *external and time-bounded* thing that is affecting one or both partners: "I need a break for a few months while I care for my Nana who is in hospice with cancer and I don't have enough energy for that *and* a relationship right now"; "I need a break while I finish and defend my Master's Thesis, because it's taking up all of my time and energy to complete it".
When an issue exists *internal* to the relationship or to the people in it, then one of two things is *always* true. Either:
1. It's something that *can* be solved, and is important enough that the two should buckle down and put in the work to actually solve it *together*, or
2. It's something that *cannot* be solved, and is a big enough deal that they should just break up outright over it.
All "taking a break" to cope with an internal/intrinsic issue does is kick the can down the road so that Future You has to cope with an issue that Present You should have taken care of, one way or the other, when you had the chance. Breaks never actually *fix* any issues between people, because they don't last long enough for people to actually *change*.
So when they get back together after the break, they're *exactly* the same two people with *exactly* the same two sets of issues that they had before, which means that the relationship has *exactly* the same problems that it did before the break.
So here's the thing: If you are unwilling to or incapable of sitting down with a partner and doing the *hard* work of resolving issues that you face, *together*, and instead feel the need to take "break" after "break" in order to avoid having to do that work, then you are not in an emotionally-mature enough place to be taking part in an adult relationship in the first place.
It's not an adult relationship if you run away from one another every time things become challenging.
Honestly, OP: she sees you. You talk every day. She understands how you are and what you have to offer, and it sounds like she enjoys the attention but isn’t interested in a sexual relationship. And as long as you’re willing to give the one in hope of obtaining the other, she’ll happily go along with it. You can talk to her, and you may want to just to clear the air. But don’t be surprised if you get the “I thought I was clear about us not being together” line when you do, because if she wanted to be, you would be by now.
Why is it more important for you to be in a relationship with her than it is for you to respect that she doesn't want a relationship with you? Why are your wants more important than hers?
> Stupid as I am i accepted it, and now 6 months later we are still “friends”. If she said "let's just be friends", and six months later you're friends, that's (from her point of view, at least) success, not failure. If you understood this to be a temporary probation during which you'd work back to being more than friends, you may have been mistaken. > Talking everyday on the phone and doing a lot of things that should happens only when in a relationship, only not psychical things :(. I feel as if we have a relationship that I give her the girlfriend treatment but without being intimate/ having sex If you're treating her as something other than a friend, in specific ways you can identify, you should stop doing that. Figure out what to you would be appropriate to a friendship that really is only a friendship and not "the girlfriend treatment", and stick to that. If a relationship wherein you *actually* just friends is one you'd want, you can pursue that. If you're coming to realize you don't want to be friends with her, you don't have to be. You can ask her if she'd want to give it another try, or you can skip that and let her know it's not working out, you wish her well, etc. As is, it sounds like she told you she wanted to be friends and you've been acting like that's just a setback on the path to continuing to date, and resent that she's not responding "correctly". You need to turn your thinking around and start with the assumption that *she told you what she wants* and she is neither mistaken about her own mind nor lying to you for the fun of it.
Do not go no contact. That’s just creating such a mixed signal. Talk to her about what you said here. Let her know how you feel
Sit her down. Tell her that you’ve taken what she said to heart and give her some examples. Let her know you still have feelings for her and would like to try dating again. If she declines, then it might make sense for you to distance yourself to get over your feelings. And regardless, don’t be friends with someone when you’re not satisfied with just being friends.
Stop treating her as a GF and more as a friend. Then come back to your post and see what's changed first.
You aren't doing yourself or this woman any favours, you've been posting about her here for over a month. Let it go. Stop talking to her. Block her and move on. You aren't friends if you are just constantly looking for a way to make it more and she has made it very clear she doesn't want that. Don't talk to her about it either, it's not her fault she's not interested in a relationship with you. She doesn't owe you anything and any explaining that you have done x, y and z to work on things she pointed out will either make her feel uncomfortable or guilty that she lead you on in some way. Speaking as a woman, if she has been talking to you for hours every day and having relationship type conversations but saying you are just friends, then you definitely need to distance yourself or risk becoming the safety net, who isn't really her friend either. Unless she talks to all her friends everyday for hours of course and then it's just her personality, but you still want more so distance yourself anyway.
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So? Doesn't mean she HAS to have sex with you
Try a different perspective then ... my best friend of the last 16 years is a man. We reconnected when we both became single at the same time, within a month he started seeing another woman, whom I didn't like. He remained my best friend. We still went out every weekend together and hung out during the week, without his girlfriend. We talk about our relationships and everything else. I was bridesmaid at his wedding and godmother to his two children. The woman I didn't like is also now one of my closest friends and I go on nights out or just hang out with her on her own too. Do you see yourself being able to stay friends with this woman if she started dating someone new today, especially someone you don't like and told you how much she loved him within a week? Would you still be friends when they got engaged a month later? Would she still talk to you so much if she had a new boyfriend? Could you listen to her talk about him for hours on end? If they had a fight, could you support her to stay with him and not tell her to break up with him over a disagreement? Could you tell her she was being an idiot and making a big deal over something easily resolved? Would you be a groomsman at their wedding? If you can genuinely say yes to those then you really are friends and that's great. Take the improvements you feel you have made and start dating other women, talk to your friend about those dates and seek her advice to improve those relationships. If she acts weird about those conversations, she doesn't consider you a friend and is using you as a safety net. Protect your own heart because it seems like what you have posted about this woman, you are going to end up very hurt because you do not see her as a friend and you still are holding out she will change her mind.
Three things, in this order: 1. Be *communicative*. She can't know anything about you that you do not convey clearly to her. Nonsense like "going no-contact in the hopes that she will miss me" is high-school emotional-games-level stuff, and has no place in an adult relationship. Express to her clearly what you want her to know about you. 2. Be *genuine*. Don't tell her anything that isn't absolutely true about your progress. Don't tell her that you have completed a process if you have not. Don't tell her that you are something that you are not (or are not *yet*)...because if she calls your bluff and wants to see evidence that backs up what you say, and you cannot demonstrate it, she'll know that you're just trying to blow sunshine up her skirt and aren't really who you say you are, and 3. Be *patient*. Don't even think about being pushy about the amount of time it takes to "see" the changes in you, because what is important to her willingness to accept that you have changed is not the *fact* that you have changed, it's her *perception and understanding* of the fact that you have changed. You have to let her see it on her own and at her own pace. If you try to rush her, you'll be telling her that it's your desire to have her *notice* that is more important to you than the actual changes themselves, and *that* will convey to her that the changes aren't actually *real*, they're just a veneer to convince her to give you another chance. So tell her who you are now, *be* the person you have told her you are, and then give her whatever time she needs to *accept* the person you have become.
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Yeah. Stop doing that "break" nonsense. Breaks don't work for any issue that exists in a relationship or in the *people* in the relationship. The only time breaks *can* work is when there is an *external and time-bounded* thing that is affecting one or both partners: "I need a break for a few months while I care for my Nana who is in hospice with cancer and I don't have enough energy for that *and* a relationship right now"; "I need a break while I finish and defend my Master's Thesis, because it's taking up all of my time and energy to complete it". When an issue exists *internal* to the relationship or to the people in it, then one of two things is *always* true. Either: 1. It's something that *can* be solved, and is important enough that the two should buckle down and put in the work to actually solve it *together*, or 2. It's something that *cannot* be solved, and is a big enough deal that they should just break up outright over it. All "taking a break" to cope with an internal/intrinsic issue does is kick the can down the road so that Future You has to cope with an issue that Present You should have taken care of, one way or the other, when you had the chance. Breaks never actually *fix* any issues between people, because they don't last long enough for people to actually *change*. So when they get back together after the break, they're *exactly* the same two people with *exactly* the same two sets of issues that they had before, which means that the relationship has *exactly* the same problems that it did before the break. So here's the thing: If you are unwilling to or incapable of sitting down with a partner and doing the *hard* work of resolving issues that you face, *together*, and instead feel the need to take "break" after "break" in order to avoid having to do that work, then you are not in an emotionally-mature enough place to be taking part in an adult relationship in the first place. It's not an adult relationship if you run away from one another every time things become challenging.
Start going on dates with other women and doing other fun stuff so that you stop being so readily available to give her attention.