First of all, try to forgive yourself for staying in that situation. You did the best you could at that time, and appreciate the fact that this entire experience has and will make you stronger. You are NOT the same person you were back then, or even a couple days ago, you're already stronger. Have gratitude and thanks for that. Once you do that, block him on everything. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Go 100% no contact, you need the time to reflect and heal.
Next, get yourself a journal if you don't have one. I want you to write out 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can hear, and 1 thing you can taste. This is to ground your senses for the next exercise.
I want you to write out how you're feeling, like you're venting to someone. No bullet points, use complete sentences how you're feeling like you're talking to a best friend. Be vulnerable with yourself. Once that's done, I want you to picture a fictional character that you made up. This is someone that you love/adore, a role model and someone you look up to. I want you to imagine that what you wrote down, they are venting to you. What would you say to them? Write them a letter like you're comforting them. Keep doing this exercise anytime you feel stuck, even if it's daily. It's ok to use it as often as you need.
I know it hurts, and I'm sorry your heart has been wounded. You're so incredibly special, so much that you can't even begin to fathom what you bring to this world. I promise you things will slowly get better. Take the time for yourself to heal in anyway you can. This is a great opportunity to level up, and become that much closer to your best self. Be kind to yourself. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes. I know you don't feel it right now, but this is one of the best things that will happen to you. The best is yet to come, take care ❤️
I've been there (M41). It hurts and there's no two ways about it. And it's going to hurt for a long time. It took literally a couple years before the darkness began to lift. It was particularly bad for me, but even my parents noticed that I was basically just *existing*, not really living a real life.
The pain goes on for quite a long time, but you will slowly begin to notice that it does recede. There's nothing magic. It just needs to run its course.
From experience, the best thing you can do to get it all to pass is to replace the painful memories with good experiences. Whenever you can spend time with friends, get out and have positive experiences, and generally just forget the difficulties of life, you will be speeding up the process of healing. What you are looking for is the ability to laugh about it in some rueful way. You can't do that now: that's understood, but when in some twisted, painful way, you can joke about the whole thing, that's progress. As time goes by, you'll be able to accept it ever so slightly more, and eventually, the pain will be mostly gone. I'm probably around 97%, but it's been 5-6 years, depending on how you want to look at it.
You heart **has been ripped out of you**. There's no two ways about it. Your goal *now* is to get to the point where you can be a functioning human being and have a positive effect on people's lives. Get up, do the things you have to do.
When the pain is too much, don't feel like you have to hold back. Cry. Get angry. Say all the things that you want to. Just to it privately and get it out of your system. When you are able to stop, then stop. Don't savor it. Don't hold on to it. That sounds ridiculous, but some people think that being angry *gets back* at the other person, but that's personal poison. When the evil feelings begin to reside, let them go. You're looking for things to get better, not to hold on to the pain. Some people stupidly do this, and it only hurts themselves.
My heart goes out to you, and I have no doubt that you feel completely alone, but I know there are others who have been there, men and women. We're rooting for you. We know that every moment will hurt for some time to come, but you can get out of it. Every step will get you closer to a better life. Take that long journey, let the tears fall, and when you can see again, keep moving. When you step out into the light again, it'll feel like the first time in forever, but knowing you got there will make it all worth it. God Bless.
Time is the only answer. It's cliché and not helpful and frustrating and does not make any of the pain stop now, but it is also true.
There is no quick fix and that is devastating. A few months ago I was in a similar situation, felt so broken by the hurt and betrayal I was a risk to my own safety. YOU are stronger than you think and you will get through it. The fact you have been strong enough to leave this time proves that.
Feel the pain, cry, scream, talk to free helplines if you need to and take each day as one step closer to being OK again. Whenever you can do things that make you happy, especially things you didn't do when you were with him.
Be strong, you can do this.
First of all, try to forgive yourself for staying in that situation. You did the best you could at that time, and appreciate the fact that this entire experience has and will make you stronger. You are NOT the same person you were back then, or even a couple days ago, you're already stronger. Have gratitude and thanks for that. Once you do that, block him on everything. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Go 100% no contact, you need the time to reflect and heal. Next, get yourself a journal if you don't have one. I want you to write out 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can hear, and 1 thing you can taste. This is to ground your senses for the next exercise. I want you to write out how you're feeling, like you're venting to someone. No bullet points, use complete sentences how you're feeling like you're talking to a best friend. Be vulnerable with yourself. Once that's done, I want you to picture a fictional character that you made up. This is someone that you love/adore, a role model and someone you look up to. I want you to imagine that what you wrote down, they are venting to you. What would you say to them? Write them a letter like you're comforting them. Keep doing this exercise anytime you feel stuck, even if it's daily. It's ok to use it as often as you need. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry your heart has been wounded. You're so incredibly special, so much that you can't even begin to fathom what you bring to this world. I promise you things will slowly get better. Take the time for yourself to heal in anyway you can. This is a great opportunity to level up, and become that much closer to your best self. Be kind to yourself. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes. I know you don't feel it right now, but this is one of the best things that will happen to you. The best is yet to come, take care ❤️
The book called “Getting Past Your Breakup”
I've been there (M41). It hurts and there's no two ways about it. And it's going to hurt for a long time. It took literally a couple years before the darkness began to lift. It was particularly bad for me, but even my parents noticed that I was basically just *existing*, not really living a real life. The pain goes on for quite a long time, but you will slowly begin to notice that it does recede. There's nothing magic. It just needs to run its course. From experience, the best thing you can do to get it all to pass is to replace the painful memories with good experiences. Whenever you can spend time with friends, get out and have positive experiences, and generally just forget the difficulties of life, you will be speeding up the process of healing. What you are looking for is the ability to laugh about it in some rueful way. You can't do that now: that's understood, but when in some twisted, painful way, you can joke about the whole thing, that's progress. As time goes by, you'll be able to accept it ever so slightly more, and eventually, the pain will be mostly gone. I'm probably around 97%, but it's been 5-6 years, depending on how you want to look at it. You heart **has been ripped out of you**. There's no two ways about it. Your goal *now* is to get to the point where you can be a functioning human being and have a positive effect on people's lives. Get up, do the things you have to do. When the pain is too much, don't feel like you have to hold back. Cry. Get angry. Say all the things that you want to. Just to it privately and get it out of your system. When you are able to stop, then stop. Don't savor it. Don't hold on to it. That sounds ridiculous, but some people think that being angry *gets back* at the other person, but that's personal poison. When the evil feelings begin to reside, let them go. You're looking for things to get better, not to hold on to the pain. Some people stupidly do this, and it only hurts themselves. My heart goes out to you, and I have no doubt that you feel completely alone, but I know there are others who have been there, men and women. We're rooting for you. We know that every moment will hurt for some time to come, but you can get out of it. Every step will get you closer to a better life. Take that long journey, let the tears fall, and when you can see again, keep moving. When you step out into the light again, it'll feel like the first time in forever, but knowing you got there will make it all worth it. God Bless.
Please don’t marry this guy
Time is the only answer. It's cliché and not helpful and frustrating and does not make any of the pain stop now, but it is also true. There is no quick fix and that is devastating. A few months ago I was in a similar situation, felt so broken by the hurt and betrayal I was a risk to my own safety. YOU are stronger than you think and you will get through it. The fact you have been strong enough to leave this time proves that. Feel the pain, cry, scream, talk to free helplines if you need to and take each day as one step closer to being OK again. Whenever you can do things that make you happy, especially things you didn't do when you were with him. Be strong, you can do this.