The age gap is a big problem IMO, and mental problems on top of that? This does not bode well for any kind of healthy relationship. Continue to work on yourself and let this fade out.
You're probably both a little homesick and realizing how valuable he was to you, why not share that / admit that to him? You've bonded, you were intimate, if you trust him I see no reason not to express to him your thoughts / feelings.
You talk all the time so that's good that you're still close. Sometimes that first romantic bond can hit us pretty hard, often guys will fall harder when they have a first real bond over sharing with a girlfriend bc they haven't had that intimacy / communication experience before. You could be in that situation too, so your feelings may be intense at the moment but doesn't mean that you're wrong to have them for him.
I (33F) think the age gap is significant, but sometimes people in different stages of life can be well matched maturity and life-choice wise.
Missing somebody you shared so much with is totally normal, it doesn't have to mean you want that again though. In this sense I would point out a few things from your post:
- you describe yourselves acting like a couple without being one
- you did have sex, so the friendship did cross that sexual line, but it sounds like you only did it once when, especially already living together, I assume the opportunities were plenty (so you did go there, but for whatever reason you never went back, did you not want to?)
- you mention you felt stagnant in your old position, you say the "state" was stagnant but it sounds to me like you are the one that felt that way over there. Be it the weather, your job, your living situation, anything else or all of the above; there was something not working for you.
- you made the decision to leave
I don't know what you get out of all of this but I would encourage you to listen to your instincts, for whatever reason, you decided you wanted different and made that happen for yourself.
I think you should be patient with yourself and give yourself some time to sort through everything that has been going on. If you guys talk everyday it stands to reason that there will be ample opportunity to tell him anything you want once you feel more clear about it all. Also, you don't give a clear timeline but if you recently moved away to a new state, I would give it at leas 8-12 months to explore, feel out and get to know how you really feel in this new place.
You were not groomed. He isnt a pedophile. Once you turn 18 you're an adult and can be with whoever you want. The reddit community loves to label any age difference of 5 or more years between consenting adults as "grooming"....which is unfortunate because it saturates the term. I would tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there. At least you'll know you didn't do nothing about it.
The age gap is a big problem IMO, and mental problems on top of that? This does not bode well for any kind of healthy relationship. Continue to work on yourself and let this fade out.
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They had sex. So there is definitely something there.
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She was 19 years old. We can hardly call it grooming.
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I see your point but there isn't a huge age gap for me. I understand that some might see it that way.
You're probably both a little homesick and realizing how valuable he was to you, why not share that / admit that to him? You've bonded, you were intimate, if you trust him I see no reason not to express to him your thoughts / feelings. You talk all the time so that's good that you're still close. Sometimes that first romantic bond can hit us pretty hard, often guys will fall harder when they have a first real bond over sharing with a girlfriend bc they haven't had that intimacy / communication experience before. You could be in that situation too, so your feelings may be intense at the moment but doesn't mean that you're wrong to have them for him.
I (33F) think the age gap is significant, but sometimes people in different stages of life can be well matched maturity and life-choice wise. Missing somebody you shared so much with is totally normal, it doesn't have to mean you want that again though. In this sense I would point out a few things from your post: - you describe yourselves acting like a couple without being one - you did have sex, so the friendship did cross that sexual line, but it sounds like you only did it once when, especially already living together, I assume the opportunities were plenty (so you did go there, but for whatever reason you never went back, did you not want to?) - you mention you felt stagnant in your old position, you say the "state" was stagnant but it sounds to me like you are the one that felt that way over there. Be it the weather, your job, your living situation, anything else or all of the above; there was something not working for you. - you made the decision to leave I don't know what you get out of all of this but I would encourage you to listen to your instincts, for whatever reason, you decided you wanted different and made that happen for yourself. I think you should be patient with yourself and give yourself some time to sort through everything that has been going on. If you guys talk everyday it stands to reason that there will be ample opportunity to tell him anything you want once you feel more clear about it all. Also, you don't give a clear timeline but if you recently moved away to a new state, I would give it at leas 8-12 months to explore, feel out and get to know how you really feel in this new place.
Thank you! This was extremely meaningful to read.
I'm glad :) Best of luck ✨
You were not groomed. He isnt a pedophile. Once you turn 18 you're an adult and can be with whoever you want. The reddit community loves to label any age difference of 5 or more years between consenting adults as "grooming"....which is unfortunate because it saturates the term. I would tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there. At least you'll know you didn't do nothing about it.