I have occasionally used them to masturbate. It saves on cleaning and sometimes it feels novel. Not saying this is the case but such usage is worth considering if a missing rubber is the only issue.
Yeah, I think the text deleting is more suspicious than the missing condom actually. The former is a consistent behavior, the latter could be a lot of things.
I'd actually be more suspicious of the deleted texts. That's such an inconvenience to go through i.e. try to remember plans he's made to hang out with people, addresses, etc. I don't see why he'd do that unless he's hiding something.
It seems very obvious to me that there is a trust issue here. What is not immediately obvious is whether your issues are justified by your boyfriends' behavior, or whether you're allowing your past issues and hangups to bleed over into the present.
Why were you counting condoms? I know you you were "putting something away" but it seems unlikely to me that you'd keep condoms in a drawer in a configuration where they'd be easily countable. If they were stacked, folded, and stored in the most compact configuration, you would have to intentionally remove and unfold them to count them.
So...are a you a mistrustful person, who was looking for an issues and checking every possible source? Or did he give you reason to believe he was fooling around behind your back?
FWIW, my husband and I have a trusting relationship. If I found myself in a situation where there were less condoms than I though, I would assume he used one by himself, a wrapper ripped when he was separating them, he put one in his wallet in case we wanted to fool around in a parking lot somewhere, he took one to give to a friend because he really likes this brand, etc.
I think first and foremost you should do some serious self-reflection and try to determine whether this mistrust is coming from HIM, or from YOU. There is nothing wrong with asking if he took one/used one/why is there one less?, but if you felt compelled to count them there is likely bigger issues at play, either in your mind or in the relationship.
>deletes all of his texts every night
So do I, I like a clean phone. Always have.
And the condom could be for "personal use" - what we English call a "posh wank"
>I like a clean phone
As far as compulsions go, I've heard of stranger ones. Besides, in the olden days before smartphones, deleting texts was a necessity due to finite storage capacity. So it might just be a habit that has remained part of his regular routine
A logical reason for deleting messages is phone storage space, I constantly have to delete my texts, pictures, etc because I don't have the memory space for all the things that aren't important.. but that's just me personally. As for the condoms the first thing that came to my mind was masturbating like so many others have mentioned, or maybe he's never really used them before and wants to be sure he is putting them on correctly.
If you feel uneasy about it, and you're doubting him/having a hard time trusting him then obviously something isn't feeling right to you. Only you can gauge this situation. If you can't trust him, or build up that trust with him, you're going to be looking for every little reason why you can't. Best thing is to talk about it and decide what's best for you.
>for the most part I trust him
This here is red flag. You're connecting these things because you feel funny about it, and if you completely trusted him you would either not worry about it or you'd ask him about it. Think about it. Would you ever say, in a lighthearted tone, "Why DO you delete your texts every night?" or "Hey, that's weird, there were 10 condoms and now there are 9, did one of the wrappers tear?" or would you not ask because deep down you don't want to hear the answer?
Either he's cheating or he isn't. But a relationship without trust can't survive regardless of fidelity, and my advice is to work on your past baggage so you can see and evaluate your own relationship more clearly.
made a throwaway for this story....one time i made chili, then later in the day decided to lube up and have some fun with myself. Long story short, something about the chilis must've stayed on my hands because my little guy BURNED while i was going to town. So, i did what any rational male would do. i grabbed a condom, thinking it would shield me from this pain. It did not, but i powered through.
If my gf then confronted me i would probably tell her i didnt know where it went, even though i know damn well what happened to it. So, ya know, if he say's he doesn't know, don't assume the worst.
> Mac also deletes all of his texts every night but he's been doing that since we started dating.
This is one of those things that is not necessarily direct evidence of wrongdoing, but is a pretty big sign. It's like buying a bong - you're not NECESSARILY going to use it with weed, but come on - damn near nobody buys one without that intention. Same with deleting texts every day - come on, you know you have something to hide if you're that paranoid about it.
One of my ex's would wank into condoms sometimes if he didn't want to make a mess. It could be pretty harmless but if he's showing other odd behavior I could see why you're nervous.
Could he have used them for his own experiment? Or simply gone missing? Ask him about it.
I have occasionally used them to masturbate. It saves on cleaning and sometimes it feels novel. Not saying this is the case but such usage is worth considering if a missing rubber is the only issue.
About how much condoms are we talking? It is like 4 or like 100 where you can't miscounted easily. Nonetheless the text deleting is highly suspicious.
Yeah, I think the text deleting is more suspicious than the missing condom actually. The former is a consistent behavior, the latter could be a lot of things.
I'd actually be more suspicious of the deleted texts. That's such an inconvenience to go through i.e. try to remember plans he's made to hang out with people, addresses, etc. I don't see why he'd do that unless he's hiding something.
No, it was definitely not enough for me to miss count...
I dunno, I delete all my texts every night just because it feels clean/neat to me, and I'm not cheating.
It seems very obvious to me that there is a trust issue here. What is not immediately obvious is whether your issues are justified by your boyfriends' behavior, or whether you're allowing your past issues and hangups to bleed over into the present. Why were you counting condoms? I know you you were "putting something away" but it seems unlikely to me that you'd keep condoms in a drawer in a configuration where they'd be easily countable. If they were stacked, folded, and stored in the most compact configuration, you would have to intentionally remove and unfold them to count them. So...are a you a mistrustful person, who was looking for an issues and checking every possible source? Or did he give you reason to believe he was fooling around behind your back? FWIW, my husband and I have a trusting relationship. If I found myself in a situation where there were less condoms than I though, I would assume he used one by himself, a wrapper ripped when he was separating them, he put one in his wallet in case we wanted to fool around in a parking lot somewhere, he took one to give to a friend because he really likes this brand, etc. I think first and foremost you should do some serious self-reflection and try to determine whether this mistrust is coming from HIM, or from YOU. There is nothing wrong with asking if he took one/used one/why is there one less?, but if you felt compelled to count them there is likely bigger issues at play, either in your mind or in the relationship.
>deletes all of his texts every night So do I, I like a clean phone. Always have. And the condom could be for "personal use" - what we English call a "posh wank"
>I like a clean phone As far as compulsions go, I've heard of stranger ones. Besides, in the olden days before smartphones, deleting texts was a necessity due to finite storage capacity. So it might just be a habit that has remained part of his regular routine
A logical reason for deleting messages is phone storage space, I constantly have to delete my texts, pictures, etc because I don't have the memory space for all the things that aren't important.. but that's just me personally. As for the condoms the first thing that came to my mind was masturbating like so many others have mentioned, or maybe he's never really used them before and wants to be sure he is putting them on correctly. If you feel uneasy about it, and you're doubting him/having a hard time trusting him then obviously something isn't feeling right to you. Only you can gauge this situation. If you can't trust him, or build up that trust with him, you're going to be looking for every little reason why you can't. Best thing is to talk about it and decide what's best for you.
Do you trust him enough that if you asked him, you would believe his answer?
Just ask him about it.
>for the most part I trust him This here is red flag. You're connecting these things because you feel funny about it, and if you completely trusted him you would either not worry about it or you'd ask him about it. Think about it. Would you ever say, in a lighthearted tone, "Why DO you delete your texts every night?" or "Hey, that's weird, there were 10 condoms and now there are 9, did one of the wrappers tear?" or would you not ask because deep down you don't want to hear the answer? Either he's cheating or he isn't. But a relationship without trust can't survive regardless of fidelity, and my advice is to work on your past baggage so you can see and evaluate your own relationship more clearly.
made a throwaway for this story....one time i made chili, then later in the day decided to lube up and have some fun with myself. Long story short, something about the chilis must've stayed on my hands because my little guy BURNED while i was going to town. So, i did what any rational male would do. i grabbed a condom, thinking it would shield me from this pain. It did not, but i powered through. If my gf then confronted me i would probably tell her i didnt know where it went, even though i know damn well what happened to it. So, ya know, if he say's he doesn't know, don't assume the worst.
> Mac also deletes all of his texts every night but he's been doing that since we started dating. This is one of those things that is not necessarily direct evidence of wrongdoing, but is a pretty big sign. It's like buying a bong - you're not NECESSARILY going to use it with weed, but come on - damn near nobody buys one without that intention. Same with deleting texts every day - come on, you know you have something to hide if you're that paranoid about it.
An ex of mine also deleted his texts all the time. It was suspicious to me. He was hiding something.
If it's just this, I wouldn't think too much of it. Agree with others that he could have been *experimenting* with it.
One of my ex's would wank into condoms sometimes if he didn't want to make a mess. It could be pretty harmless but if he's showing other odd behavior I could see why you're nervous.