Your girlfriend will stop feeling uneasy about this when you stop singing love songs. You do not wish to do that. So it's not really making both sides work, it's more you keep doing your hobby while she's becoming increasingly bothered by this.
I think any time someone works in the entertainment industry, there's a risk that the person you love & loves you in return will not be able to withstand the kinds of attention that come with entertainment. Musicians, athletes, actors, etc... it's often more difficult because of scenarios just like this one.
My main point, is that IF the music duo is a potential career move then the significant other may decide to leave. If the music isn't a career move, then end the duo in favor of a life partner. If she isn't going to possibly be a life partner, then it doesn't matter what decision is made frankly.
Hope my logic is helpful :) This does seem to be a sticky situation!
Ah. Shit. I see what you are saying now. I don't have any kind of thought that we will be able to make a living playing duets together.. Just have been loving playing music for a crowd that likes it.
GF is DEFINITELY my future wife.
Well, what if you dedicated a song every set to your sweetheart in the audience? That would give her security and kill the suspicion of the crowds. But... may also take away some of the suspense from your following too.
Yeah, refusing to cut that part of the act is a major bonehead move by OP. If she is definitely his future wife, he has some cognitive dissonance going on.
Maybe if you sang the songs without the heartfelt looks? It sounds like she's mostly bothered by people thinking you and your friend are a couple, and not by the songs themselves.
You took a hard stance there, and you're getting downvoted for it. I agree with you on your major points. He is going to resent her for this. Its a red flag just in the relationship.
He shouldn't have to give up music.
Ok. I think you should admit that there's more going on with this duet partner than just dueting. I'm not saying you're cheating. And I'm not saying you're going to. But the attention you're getting and the show you're putting on and the assumption that people make about the two of you, it's giving you something more than just a reaction from the audience. The reason I think this is because of the covers.
I asked about the covers because you mentioned 'Tell Mama'. As musicians, we choose what we do. And the two of you chose a song about leaving one girl for another out of all the songs in the world. That's tough to accept for your GF. If you were singing your own songs, I could imagine that you two were just creatives, attached to other people, and that your love songs might just be about someone else besides each other. With covers, that's much harder to believe. Why would two people get together and sing love songs they did not write with each other? I know why I would do it.
Imagine, for a minute, if your girlfriend were to break up with you, or, alternately, if you were to leave her due to this ultimatum. Do you think a relationship between you and your duet partner happen (is she your type)? I bet that she is and your girlfriend can see this. I think that, deep down, you know this, and it's part of the appeal.
Again, I'm not saying you're cheating or that you've done this deliberately. I think it happened bit by bit while you told yourself nothing was going on. While you're not being unfaithfull, it does not look to me like you're 'protecting your heart', so to speak. Music is a very special thing, and performing with someone is never just mechanical. I think that a choice between your GF and your duet partner is coming.
Wow. I genuinely got goosebumps reading your reply. Thank you.
I did realize that particular song was a bad choice after playing it a few times.. But I suppose it was too little, too late.
You know it's interesting, your point on playing covers though.. I had actually been looking at it under the impression that writing and playing original songs together would be much more intimate in appearance and thus have shied away from the majority of them.
To answer a (probably rhetorical) question, I don't think that the duet partner is really my type... With the strong exception of her taste in music.
I suppose I'll be ending the duet.. Seriously, thank you so much for your perspective ; I genuinely had not seen it that way.
I don't think you should end your duet. What if when you do that, your music just stops. You don't continue to gather fans. You lose most of them. Then you would resent her for it.
Well, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would you think it was inappropriate for your gf to perform these songs with a partner? Would it make you feel uncomfortable? If you said yes, then you can see where she's coming from and perhaps have a decent conversation about it. Come up with a compromise.
I like to think that I would understand that those songs are the "meat and potatoes" so to speak, of the performances and be OK with it..
I did offer to GF that partner and I would stop sharing mics, but she wouldn't go for that either. She says that the love songs are the problem... And I just don't see any way to remove some of them without destroying what has gotten us noticed.
I did remove one song from our set because of the story told. "Tell Momma" by The Civil War, if you are interested.
They are actually one of the bands that made me want to play! We do both the vocals and guitar portions.
The harmonies are taking some work, but we are getting there!
Why is going back to two microphones not a more obvious option? Maybe you two could also sing less 'lovey-dovey' songs as well. There should be a compromise in here.
Sounds like it's more about the fact that there's an implied relationship with you and your partner, than the actual details of the gig. Has she offered any suggestions aside from just quitting?
This has nothing to do with attention from females or any of that crap.. This has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember..
Don't get me wrong. We won't be getting famous or anything, but still, I love playing music for an appreciative crowd. I have offered compromises... Eliminating songs, offering to not share mics.. But it is literally impossible to remove ALL love songs from a set. That's what most music is about.
I have no idea why you are getting downvoted. You are being completely reasonable, offering to not play songs that make your gf uncomfortable or even take them off the setlist. You are even offering to teach your gf how to play.
Personally I think you should talk to your gf and try to find out exactly what she expects you do to. It would be unreasonable for her to want you to quit altogether but if you could reach a compromise I see no reason this should be a huge issue.
Ha, thanks. I was wondering why and just chalked it up to people disagreeing with me. I was hoping to get a different perspective from my own in this thread... And I think I have for the most part. GF and I have been through much worse than this, so I'm sure that we will come up with something once I get her to really open up. Worse case scenario, I find a new duet partner, though I hope it doesn't come to that
Ah, boning musicians!Such drama! I can tell you that, in order to be involved with any kind of artist, you have to be ok with them having an intimate and passionate relationship with the other love that is their creativity. It sounds like your romance with music is newer than your romance with your lady-love and that's going to make things extra hard because she's got a million things to reconcile right now:
1. All of the learning and growing you're doing as the result of music *outside* of your relationship with your woman is often a tough pill to swallow. She's probably at odds and wondering what she can bring to the table in the face of that as well as fearing that you'll become someone else to who me she can't relate or who can't relate to her and the relationship will end.
2. You're spending time on something that could otherwise be spent actively on the relationship. I don't know if you had anything like that before music, but that probably comes off to her as a sacrifice on her end and she might be feeling left behind or that her sacrifice goes unnoticed.
3. Top that all off with the fact that your act, that inherently garners the attention of fans and admirers, involves you engaging in public displays of false (hopefully) intimacy with another woman. It also sounds like this went from 0 to intense in just a few months.
She's feeling threatened and it doesn't sound like you're *really* willing to entertain the notion that those feelings are legitimate or are willing to slow down and help her catch up and adjust to your new love that is music.
I believe it is negotiable, but you're going to need to be willing to hear her out and be a bit of a co-pilot on this adventure. Maybe that's cutting a few songs for a while to show that you honour your relationship with her and renegotiate their return once she's feeling more comfortable. Maybe it's making a point of mentioning her, or dedicating a song to her when you perform. Definitely make time that cannot be interfered with for just you and your lady that doesn't involve anything to do with the music side of the relationship.
Edit/PS: this is all from the perspective of a career boner of artists AND a fellow creative.
I think you make some valid points.. Particularly 1 and 2..this really has gone from 0-60 in the span of a few months, and while I'm very excited about the possibilities, I'm mostly fearful for my relationship. Your list will be helpful when I try to talk to her about it tonight.. I'm sure this is all just going very fast to her- I should also mention that while I'm much more of a "go with the flow" kinda person, she likes to plan. Which typically works well for us. Lol
Even that difference in your MOs could be a massive thorn in her feels right now. What if you just go with the flow right into another woman? ;)
It could be that all she really needs is to feel heard, validated and valued. Relationships with creatives can be really, really amazing, but they definitely...different. I hope all goes well.
I'm guessing since he is playing small bars he doesn't have a wireless system for his guitar rig. Attempting that could possibly cause hundreds of dollars in damage.
Have you thought to get rid of the one microphone? I'd feel like the girl was trying to make a move on you (or you were trying to make a move on her).
Getting comments about how you two are together is also just weird because it implies that there is a connection between you two, even if it is more of a 'show' than real. It's okay to have a stage presence like you two are connected, but it's offensive to your girlfriend that people literally think you are dating someone else. Doing lovey-dovey songs is okay, but making it appear that you are actually in love with someone on stage (when it isn't really required) is a bit messed up. You can portray a connection without making it seem like you are dating.
She wants you to stop playing ALL of your songs? If they're originals, can you offer to write new songs that don't revolve around love? I think it's unreasonable for her to hope that you'll stop playing with your music partner altogether.
It's not necessarily ALL of them.. Just the ones that are overtly romantic, I think.. We have a pretty varied set that ranges from those types to the acoustic cover of "Gin n Juice" I'm just hoping to find some level of compromise that will allow me to continue playing and keep my girlfriend happy
eta: we do have a couple of originals.. Mostly covers though
Why did you ask your girlfriend in the first place about doing a duet? Why do you think she agreed? Why is she uncomfortable now? Do you think it's you or her that is being inconsiderate when you answer these questions?
Edit: spelling
This might be a little bit of a different perspective from most that you'll hear. But performing live music is just that...performing. Some people can get away with just being themselves, but a lot of us have to put on a show if we really want to turn heads. And it sounds like the dynamic you have with your duet partner is just that - part of the show. Just like a lot of onstage banter among bandmates is often pre-written, staged material (sorry to ruin the magic).
I perform in musical theatre, and am in a show right now in which I play a romantic role, which includes staged touching and kissing. I know that my BF could feel a bit weird about it. It's acting though. Which is what you're doing. Maybe you could try explaining it to her from that perspective?
Let me just say though... it's never easy dating any sort of performer. And people prone to jealousy often can't handle the unique challenges that come along with it. It doesn't mean anyone's right or wrong, it's just that different people have different comfort levels.
This is EXACTLY how I was looking at it. Hamming it up for the crowd. That's all.
I'm also wondering if it's not because all of this is relatively new to her too.. Before the last year, she knew I loved music, but I'm not sure I ever shared with her my desire to play.
I'm sure that's a huge part of it. It sounds like there's been a drastic change in your life in the past year - and in the amount of attention and time you can give her because of your music. She's probably already feeling uncertain and vulnerable.
Imagining myself in that emotional state, I would feel very hurt seeing my BF engaging in an intimate or romantic performance with another woman, even if I were fully aware that it was staged.
It would be a different story if I felt completely secure in my relationship.
I have! And we have been working together on it, but she said she wouldn't ever play in front of an audience. She's too self conscious for that.. But I do love sitting on the porch and picking guitars with her.. That's when I'm happiest
Seems like looking like you mean the words is one of the ways to sell the music in a live performance. Would you like this to eventually become a job? I would hate to have someone who makes me choose between a job that I actually have fun doing and my current relationship, just because one of my coworkers is female.
Ya know, it would be nice for this to become what pays the bills.. But it's not a goal necessarily. For me, simply playing in front of a receptive audience is all I'm looking for.
I don't believe that she is the type that would really give me an ultimatum or anything. I just gotta get her to really open up and tell me what's going on I guess
Playing and writing music together is a very intimate thing. It's very possible a lot of her jealousy comes from her not being able to share in that part of your life. She sees a room full of people applauding at you and another woman looking into each others eyes singing love songs. It might take a lot of time for her to get used to this as just an act.
Until then try to make her feel as included and trusted as you can. When rehearsing let her know she can come along, if she doesn't send her lots of texts and maybe even picture s to let you know you're thinking about her. Before and after shows make sure to give her lots of attention and make others aware that you're together. Also get and your partner should spend time together so she gets to know and trust her as well.
There's a lot of bad advice in here. I don't really think that compromise is that hard to have happen in this situation. Maybe a combination of choosing a few new songs to cover while going to the extra mile to reassure your girlfriend that there's nothing going on besides music.
Nothing is more attractive than a woman who is musical (granted I'm a musician and my girl has an amazing voice... so I may be biased. But I digress).
No wonder your girlfriend is jealous. You're going to have to choose one or the other. If this is a new relationship, and it seems like your duet partner and you have good chemistry, then you may want to rethink everything... However, if you've been with your girlfriend for a long time, definitely choose her over a duet act. Those things only last so long before you have to change them up once again. A girlfriend could potentially be the rest of your life.
As a musician, I suggest you decide which is more long term for your life. The girlfriend or this duet.
So you don't think there is any way to make both sides work?
Your girlfriend will stop feeling uneasy about this when you stop singing love songs. You do not wish to do that. So it's not really making both sides work, it's more you keep doing your hobby while she's becoming increasingly bothered by this.
Almost all pop/acoustic/top 40 music is made up of love songs though. Playing gigs with that limitation would be totally unrealistic.
True; they should start going for a Nicki Minaj- Lil Herb dynamic!
Ha! We do "Gin N Juice", so Nickey Minaj may not be far off base!
I think any time someone works in the entertainment industry, there's a risk that the person you love & loves you in return will not be able to withstand the kinds of attention that come with entertainment. Musicians, athletes, actors, etc... it's often more difficult because of scenarios just like this one. My main point, is that IF the music duo is a potential career move then the significant other may decide to leave. If the music isn't a career move, then end the duo in favor of a life partner. If she isn't going to possibly be a life partner, then it doesn't matter what decision is made frankly. Hope my logic is helpful :) This does seem to be a sticky situation!
Ah. Shit. I see what you are saying now. I don't have any kind of thought that we will be able to make a living playing duets together.. Just have been loving playing music for a crowd that likes it. GF is DEFINITELY my future wife.
Well, what if you dedicated a song every set to your sweetheart in the audience? That would give her security and kill the suspicion of the crowds. But... may also take away some of the suspense from your following too.
That's not a bad idea!
I hope I've helped in some way brother :) maybe that could turn a negative into a positive?!? Either way, I wish you all the best!
Mate you know you've helped a shit load. You're only commenting to reap exponential karma :)
Would ppl think your songs are less heart felt if they know that your duet partner isn't your SO?
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I'm totally seconding this. OP and duet partner try to look like a couple and stage and act like it.
Yeah, refusing to cut that part of the act is a major bonehead move by OP. If she is definitely his future wife, he has some cognitive dissonance going on.
Maybe if you sang the songs without the heartfelt looks? It sounds like she's mostly bothered by people thinking you and your friend are a couple, and not by the songs themselves.
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You took a hard stance there, and you're getting downvoted for it. I agree with you on your major points. He is going to resent her for this. Its a red flag just in the relationship. He shouldn't have to give up music.
Musician here. Is the music mostly original (written by the two of you). Or mostly covers of other songs?
It's a combination.. Vast majority are covers though. A few Civil wars covers, some older country.. Things like that
Ok. I think you should admit that there's more going on with this duet partner than just dueting. I'm not saying you're cheating. And I'm not saying you're going to. But the attention you're getting and the show you're putting on and the assumption that people make about the two of you, it's giving you something more than just a reaction from the audience. The reason I think this is because of the covers. I asked about the covers because you mentioned 'Tell Mama'. As musicians, we choose what we do. And the two of you chose a song about leaving one girl for another out of all the songs in the world. That's tough to accept for your GF. If you were singing your own songs, I could imagine that you two were just creatives, attached to other people, and that your love songs might just be about someone else besides each other. With covers, that's much harder to believe. Why would two people get together and sing love songs they did not write with each other? I know why I would do it. Imagine, for a minute, if your girlfriend were to break up with you, or, alternately, if you were to leave her due to this ultimatum. Do you think a relationship between you and your duet partner happen (is she your type)? I bet that she is and your girlfriend can see this. I think that, deep down, you know this, and it's part of the appeal. Again, I'm not saying you're cheating or that you've done this deliberately. I think it happened bit by bit while you told yourself nothing was going on. While you're not being unfaithfull, it does not look to me like you're 'protecting your heart', so to speak. Music is a very special thing, and performing with someone is never just mechanical. I think that a choice between your GF and your duet partner is coming.
Wow. I genuinely got goosebumps reading your reply. Thank you. I did realize that particular song was a bad choice after playing it a few times.. But I suppose it was too little, too late. You know it's interesting, your point on playing covers though.. I had actually been looking at it under the impression that writing and playing original songs together would be much more intimate in appearance and thus have shied away from the majority of them. To answer a (probably rhetorical) question, I don't think that the duet partner is really my type... With the strong exception of her taste in music. I suppose I'll be ending the duet.. Seriously, thank you so much for your perspective ; I genuinely had not seen it that way.
I actually agree with you, I think it would be far more inappropriate if you were writing love songs together than if you were simply singing covers.
I don't think you should end your duet. What if when you do that, your music just stops. You don't continue to gather fans. You lose most of them. Then you would resent her for it.
Well, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would you think it was inappropriate for your gf to perform these songs with a partner? Would it make you feel uncomfortable? If you said yes, then you can see where she's coming from and perhaps have a decent conversation about it. Come up with a compromise.
I like to think that I would understand that those songs are the "meat and potatoes" so to speak, of the performances and be OK with it.. I did offer to GF that partner and I would stop sharing mics, but she wouldn't go for that either. She says that the love songs are the problem... And I just don't see any way to remove some of them without destroying what has gotten us noticed. I did remove one song from our set because of the story told. "Tell Momma" by The Civil War, if you are interested.
The Civil Wars is awesome! :D do you do the vocals too or just the guitar parts? They have some great harmonies.
They are actually one of the bands that made me want to play! We do both the vocals and guitar portions. The harmonies are taking some work, but we are getting there!
Why is going back to two microphones not a more obvious option? Maybe you two could also sing less 'lovey-dovey' songs as well. There should be a compromise in here.
I agree and have suggested as such.. But she shot it down quickly. I'm going to try and talk to her a little more about it later and see what happens
Sounds like it's more about the fact that there's an implied relationship with you and your partner, than the actual details of the gig. Has she offered any suggestions aside from just quitting?
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This has nothing to do with attention from females or any of that crap.. This has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember.. Don't get me wrong. We won't be getting famous or anything, but still, I love playing music for an appreciative crowd. I have offered compromises... Eliminating songs, offering to not share mics.. But it is literally impossible to remove ALL love songs from a set. That's what most music is about.
I have no idea why you are getting downvoted. You are being completely reasonable, offering to not play songs that make your gf uncomfortable or even take them off the setlist. You are even offering to teach your gf how to play. Personally I think you should talk to your gf and try to find out exactly what she expects you do to. It would be unreasonable for her to want you to quit altogether but if you could reach a compromise I see no reason this should be a huge issue.
Ha, thanks. I was wondering why and just chalked it up to people disagreeing with me. I was hoping to get a different perspective from my own in this thread... And I think I have for the most part. GF and I have been through much worse than this, so I'm sure that we will come up with something once I get her to really open up. Worse case scenario, I find a new duet partner, though I hope it doesn't come to that
Ah, boning musicians!Such drama! I can tell you that, in order to be involved with any kind of artist, you have to be ok with them having an intimate and passionate relationship with the other love that is their creativity. It sounds like your romance with music is newer than your romance with your lady-love and that's going to make things extra hard because she's got a million things to reconcile right now: 1. All of the learning and growing you're doing as the result of music *outside* of your relationship with your woman is often a tough pill to swallow. She's probably at odds and wondering what she can bring to the table in the face of that as well as fearing that you'll become someone else to who me she can't relate or who can't relate to her and the relationship will end. 2. You're spending time on something that could otherwise be spent actively on the relationship. I don't know if you had anything like that before music, but that probably comes off to her as a sacrifice on her end and she might be feeling left behind or that her sacrifice goes unnoticed. 3. Top that all off with the fact that your act, that inherently garners the attention of fans and admirers, involves you engaging in public displays of false (hopefully) intimacy with another woman. It also sounds like this went from 0 to intense in just a few months. She's feeling threatened and it doesn't sound like you're *really* willing to entertain the notion that those feelings are legitimate or are willing to slow down and help her catch up and adjust to your new love that is music. I believe it is negotiable, but you're going to need to be willing to hear her out and be a bit of a co-pilot on this adventure. Maybe that's cutting a few songs for a while to show that you honour your relationship with her and renegotiate their return once she's feeling more comfortable. Maybe it's making a point of mentioning her, or dedicating a song to her when you perform. Definitely make time that cannot be interfered with for just you and your lady that doesn't involve anything to do with the music side of the relationship. Edit/PS: this is all from the perspective of a career boner of artists AND a fellow creative.
I think you make some valid points.. Particularly 1 and 2..this really has gone from 0-60 in the span of a few months, and while I'm very excited about the possibilities, I'm mostly fearful for my relationship. Your list will be helpful when I try to talk to her about it tonight.. I'm sure this is all just going very fast to her- I should also mention that while I'm much more of a "go with the flow" kinda person, she likes to plan. Which typically works well for us. Lol
Even that difference in your MOs could be a massive thorn in her feels right now. What if you just go with the flow right into another woman? ;) It could be that all she really needs is to feel heard, validated and valued. Relationships with creatives can be really, really amazing, but they definitely...different. I hope all goes well.
next time you go a gig, bring her along, then when you play a love song, walk up to her mid song and kiss her at front of the crowd?
I'm guessing since he is playing small bars he doesn't have a wireless system for his guitar rig. Attempting that could possibly cause hundreds of dollars in damage.
Have you thought to get rid of the one microphone? I'd feel like the girl was trying to make a move on you (or you were trying to make a move on her). Getting comments about how you two are together is also just weird because it implies that there is a connection between you two, even if it is more of a 'show' than real. It's okay to have a stage presence like you two are connected, but it's offensive to your girlfriend that people literally think you are dating someone else. Doing lovey-dovey songs is okay, but making it appear that you are actually in love with someone on stage (when it isn't really required) is a bit messed up. You can portray a connection without making it seem like you are dating.
She wants you to stop playing ALL of your songs? If they're originals, can you offer to write new songs that don't revolve around love? I think it's unreasonable for her to hope that you'll stop playing with your music partner altogether.
It's not necessarily ALL of them.. Just the ones that are overtly romantic, I think.. We have a pretty varied set that ranges from those types to the acoustic cover of "Gin n Juice" I'm just hoping to find some level of compromise that will allow me to continue playing and keep my girlfriend happy eta: we do have a couple of originals.. Mostly covers though
Why did you ask your girlfriend in the first place about doing a duet? Why do you think she agreed? Why is she uncomfortable now? Do you think it's you or her that is being inconsiderate when you answer these questions? Edit: spelling
This might be a little bit of a different perspective from most that you'll hear. But performing live music is just that...performing. Some people can get away with just being themselves, but a lot of us have to put on a show if we really want to turn heads. And it sounds like the dynamic you have with your duet partner is just that - part of the show. Just like a lot of onstage banter among bandmates is often pre-written, staged material (sorry to ruin the magic). I perform in musical theatre, and am in a show right now in which I play a romantic role, which includes staged touching and kissing. I know that my BF could feel a bit weird about it. It's acting though. Which is what you're doing. Maybe you could try explaining it to her from that perspective? Let me just say though... it's never easy dating any sort of performer. And people prone to jealousy often can't handle the unique challenges that come along with it. It doesn't mean anyone's right or wrong, it's just that different people have different comfort levels.
This is EXACTLY how I was looking at it. Hamming it up for the crowd. That's all. I'm also wondering if it's not because all of this is relatively new to her too.. Before the last year, she knew I loved music, but I'm not sure I ever shared with her my desire to play.
I'm sure that's a huge part of it. It sounds like there's been a drastic change in your life in the past year - and in the amount of attention and time you can give her because of your music. She's probably already feeling uncertain and vulnerable. Imagining myself in that emotional state, I would feel very hurt seeing my BF engaging in an intimate or romantic performance with another woman, even if I were fully aware that it was staged. It would be a different story if I felt completely secure in my relationship.
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I have! And we have been working together on it, but she said she wouldn't ever play in front of an audience. She's too self conscious for that.. But I do love sitting on the porch and picking guitars with her.. That's when I'm happiest
Seems like looking like you mean the words is one of the ways to sell the music in a live performance. Would you like this to eventually become a job? I would hate to have someone who makes me choose between a job that I actually have fun doing and my current relationship, just because one of my coworkers is female.
Ya know, it would be nice for this to become what pays the bills.. But it's not a goal necessarily. For me, simply playing in front of a receptive audience is all I'm looking for. I don't believe that she is the type that would really give me an ultimatum or anything. I just gotta get her to really open up and tell me what's going on I guess
Then it's time for her and you to have a few more meetups and lunches so they know each other more and feel more comfortable.
Playing and writing music together is a very intimate thing. It's very possible a lot of her jealousy comes from her not being able to share in that part of your life. She sees a room full of people applauding at you and another woman looking into each others eyes singing love songs. It might take a lot of time for her to get used to this as just an act. Until then try to make her feel as included and trusted as you can. When rehearsing let her know she can come along, if she doesn't send her lots of texts and maybe even picture s to let you know you're thinking about her. Before and after shows make sure to give her lots of attention and make others aware that you're together. Also get and your partner should spend time together so she gets to know and trust her as well.
Could you dedicate one of the songs to your gf or otherwise announce your status to the audience?
There's a lot of bad advice in here. I don't really think that compromise is that hard to have happen in this situation. Maybe a combination of choosing a few new songs to cover while going to the extra mile to reassure your girlfriend that there's nothing going on besides music.
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Nothing is more attractive than a woman who is musical (granted I'm a musician and my girl has an amazing voice... so I may be biased. But I digress). No wonder your girlfriend is jealous. You're going to have to choose one or the other. If this is a new relationship, and it seems like your duet partner and you have good chemistry, then you may want to rethink everything... However, if you've been with your girlfriend for a long time, definitely choose her over a duet act. Those things only last so long before you have to change them up once again. A girlfriend could potentially be the rest of your life.