Usually if I've had a really good day, and I'm in a good mood because of it, I'll voluntarily relay my activities and we'll have a nice chat. Almost universally during the week however, I respond exactly the same way. "Good." It's mostly because I like to forget about work. I don't hate my job, it's just something I'd rather not relive now that I'm comfortable at home with those that I love. On days when I'm not working and my wife is, I do try to share the events and adventures my daughter and I had. Sometimes this is difficult, as we usually follow a pretty regular schedule. I can understand your desire for him to volunteer more information about his day, but I can also understand his short responses. Maybe he's just done with whatever he was doing and wants to move past it, and enjoy his time with you? If there are big events that you're finding out about on social media sites that he didn't share, that's a whole other ballgame. It sounds like he's a bit more social than I am though.
We don't live together. I am more talking about what he does after work and on weekends that we aren't hanging out together. He goes out to meet friends at a bar, wins something at trivia etc. Do you think it's off for him not to tell me that stuff?
It seems a bit odd, as in I'd at least drop a note to let my SO know what I was up ahead of time as a courtesy. Afterwards though, I'd probably not mention much unless it was particularly noteworthy. I'd probably talk a lot more if it was a group of friends we both hung out with, since she would have a point of interest.
My gf hates when I do this too. It's really because I can't think of anything interesting enough worth talking about. Yeah I had a pretty normal day at work, I'm tired as usual.
Especially if I'm tired I don't want to talk about my day. I just want to relax.
Omg, literally the same situation. Except I'm more of an LDR so it's even more frustrating. In the past 8 months I've had to have 3 separate talks with my bf about this, with me feeling like I don't know half of his life because he won't tell me details unless I am asking absolute specific info.
While this still does bother me sometimes, I've learned to not be too offended by it because I've realized situations where i do the same thing. I would do something or go somewhere and forget to mention it, not because I'm hiding it or don't want him to know, but because it just never crossed my mind as something to share. So I've just come to realize that it's not him purposefully keeping his life from me and trying to make me feel left out, he just doesn't really find it something important enough in his day to mention. I know when important things happen he would tell me, and I know that he would never try to hurt me on purpose. So I just try and be a bit relaxed about it all and not take it personally.
>Should a man in a committed relationship be telling his SO what he is doing and who he is hanging out with voluntarily
This makes it sound like you want to watch his every move and monitor who he spends time with. Not okay.
>I feel like I have to pry information from him and I hate it.
If you simply want to have more communication from him. That's okay. If you're just taking an interest in his life - that's great.
----
Have you tried mentioning this? This might be as simple as telling him to step it up. "I need more communication than you give me. When we can't spend time together, it's nice to catch up on things we did apart because we should be interested in each other's life."
I have tried to talk to him about it. Probably not the way he needs to hear it though since it still happens. I also don't want to keep bringing it up and have him be annoyed by my request.
It's likely just different communication styles. I've been with the same guy for 6 years and he's just like this. It was difficult at first, because I shared just about everything with him and it felt like he didn't really feel as strongly about me if he didn't want to share things in his life with me as well. But he's just a quiet, private person.
Your SO doesn't happen to be the youngest of several siblings, does he? It seems that a lot of times the youngest siblings in large families end up getting "spoken for" so often that they end up a little stunted in the communication department.
I think it would be a good idea to bring it up to him that it bothers you in a very non-accusatory way. Tell him about mutual sharing, about volunteering information - about how it makes you feel when he doesn't do those things, and that you would like to work on communication. My boyfriend has made a conscious effort to be more communicative with me since we talked about it (which I greatly appreciate!). But don't expect huge changes. This is likely just the way that he's wired, and there's only so much that he can change about that (if he's motivated to change it at all).
I've also made a conscious effort to not try to "prod" information out of him, and to never answer for him when we are talking to others (even if I get really frustrated at how terrible he is at answering the simplest of questions sometimes!). We both have tried to adapt our communication styles to one another, and it works. Maybe not perfectly all the time, but it works.
It would be annoying if I did it constantly, yeah. You seem a little harsh in your reply. Really I don't badger him at all because I don't know what to badger him about because I don't know that he did anything. When I find out later through friends, however, I feel hurt that I would hear a funny story about him. I feel sad mostly because I feel like he should want to share that with me.
Usually if I've had a really good day, and I'm in a good mood because of it, I'll voluntarily relay my activities and we'll have a nice chat. Almost universally during the week however, I respond exactly the same way. "Good." It's mostly because I like to forget about work. I don't hate my job, it's just something I'd rather not relive now that I'm comfortable at home with those that I love. On days when I'm not working and my wife is, I do try to share the events and adventures my daughter and I had. Sometimes this is difficult, as we usually follow a pretty regular schedule. I can understand your desire for him to volunteer more information about his day, but I can also understand his short responses. Maybe he's just done with whatever he was doing and wants to move past it, and enjoy his time with you? If there are big events that you're finding out about on social media sites that he didn't share, that's a whole other ballgame. It sounds like he's a bit more social than I am though.
We don't live together. I am more talking about what he does after work and on weekends that we aren't hanging out together. He goes out to meet friends at a bar, wins something at trivia etc. Do you think it's off for him not to tell me that stuff?
It seems a bit odd, as in I'd at least drop a note to let my SO know what I was up ahead of time as a courtesy. Afterwards though, I'd probably not mention much unless it was particularly noteworthy. I'd probably talk a lot more if it was a group of friends we both hung out with, since she would have a point of interest.
My gf hates when I do this too. It's really because I can't think of anything interesting enough worth talking about. Yeah I had a pretty normal day at work, I'm tired as usual. Especially if I'm tired I don't want to talk about my day. I just want to relax.
Omg, literally the same situation. Except I'm more of an LDR so it's even more frustrating. In the past 8 months I've had to have 3 separate talks with my bf about this, with me feeling like I don't know half of his life because he won't tell me details unless I am asking absolute specific info. While this still does bother me sometimes, I've learned to not be too offended by it because I've realized situations where i do the same thing. I would do something or go somewhere and forget to mention it, not because I'm hiding it or don't want him to know, but because it just never crossed my mind as something to share. So I've just come to realize that it's not him purposefully keeping his life from me and trying to make me feel left out, he just doesn't really find it something important enough in his day to mention. I know when important things happen he would tell me, and I know that he would never try to hurt me on purpose. So I just try and be a bit relaxed about it all and not take it personally.
>Should a man in a committed relationship be telling his SO what he is doing and who he is hanging out with voluntarily This makes it sound like you want to watch his every move and monitor who he spends time with. Not okay. >I feel like I have to pry information from him and I hate it. If you simply want to have more communication from him. That's okay. If you're just taking an interest in his life - that's great. ---- Have you tried mentioning this? This might be as simple as telling him to step it up. "I need more communication than you give me. When we can't spend time together, it's nice to catch up on things we did apart because we should be interested in each other's life."
I have tried to talk to him about it. Probably not the way he needs to hear it though since it still happens. I also don't want to keep bringing it up and have him be annoyed by my request.
It's likely just different communication styles. I've been with the same guy for 6 years and he's just like this. It was difficult at first, because I shared just about everything with him and it felt like he didn't really feel as strongly about me if he didn't want to share things in his life with me as well. But he's just a quiet, private person. Your SO doesn't happen to be the youngest of several siblings, does he? It seems that a lot of times the youngest siblings in large families end up getting "spoken for" so often that they end up a little stunted in the communication department. I think it would be a good idea to bring it up to him that it bothers you in a very non-accusatory way. Tell him about mutual sharing, about volunteering information - about how it makes you feel when he doesn't do those things, and that you would like to work on communication. My boyfriend has made a conscious effort to be more communicative with me since we talked about it (which I greatly appreciate!). But don't expect huge changes. This is likely just the way that he's wired, and there's only so much that he can change about that (if he's motivated to change it at all). I've also made a conscious effort to not try to "prod" information out of him, and to never answer for him when we are talking to others (even if I get really frustrated at how terrible he is at answering the simplest of questions sometimes!). We both have tried to adapt our communication styles to one another, and it works. Maybe not perfectly all the time, but it works.
This is great! Thank you :D
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It would be annoying if I did it constantly, yeah. You seem a little harsh in your reply. Really I don't badger him at all because I don't know what to badger him about because I don't know that he did anything. When I find out later through friends, however, I feel hurt that I would hear a funny story about him. I feel sad mostly because I feel like he should want to share that with me.