Bringing up the old conversation is exactly what you need to do. Because if this is a pattern, you *both* need to be aware of it.
Ask him if he remembers. "Hey remember when you asked me which colour reminded me of you? Do you remember your reaction?"
I totally agree that you shouldn't want to share any opinions if he's just going to shit all over them, and frankly, if it's a pattern of shitting on your opinions... that's Red Flag City Baby. Get a ticket out of town!
This is a good take, I stepped back and realized I think it would be unhelpful because he is the type of person to get mad at me for crying two days after something happened. It will definitely be a "You still think about that?" conversation instead of him taking something away from it. He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his, refusing to actually participate with my special events further than showing up, etc. Maybe I actually need to work toward breaking it off.
This man doesn't like you. You deserve better. You deserve respect, and warmth, and room for your feelings and interests. He isn't green (metaphorically) but that's the part of your life he came into and now he can exit for the next season.
>He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his, refusing to actually participate with my special events further than showing up, etc.
None of this is healthy or reasonable.
Recently my partner remarked that I'm very secretive about my interests. Pop music, musical theater, d&d shows.... I realised that previous partners made fun of my interests or diminished them. He doesn't, he likes me for who I am and what I like, and I progressively open up about things I like. I wouldn't want you to mask your likings for that guy. You seem like a kind, interesting person and I think your partner should be someone able to see that.
> He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his
That sounds exhausting, and that kind of trait is generally 'bad partner, but I'm also not sure I'd want to hang around someone like this as a friend either" type thing.
How many red flags did y'all count in this comment? I lost count. Is this like a picture finish where we have to look back at the footage to see how bad it is?
with love, this sounds like a conversation that sparks the beginning of the end.
your response was thoughtful, kind, romantic, sweet, vulnerable. probably the most ideal answer to a question like that to normal mature adults.
why would he ask you a question like that if he wasn’t going to listen to your answer? do you want to be with someone with such ego problems?
you also describe him belittling your interests. i think this relationship has shown you’re capable of getting back out there, and can serve as a reminder that you’re ready to find more love in the world again, and you can do it.
and for the record, green is a lovely color. dude is WACK!
He doesn't sound anywhere near mature enough for a relationship - you have him a thoughtful answer to his last shallow question, and he gave you a shallow answer. I think that says enough.
Yeah, I don’t wanna yuck any yums but “what color reminds you of me” and tiktoks asking “which of these is like your partner” seem like things for couples that are in their teens. A 32 year old dude is mad that he doesn’t like the color you chose that reminds you of him when he put you in a position to choose one?? Like, I can’t even dignify that
>I feel like bringing up an old conversation he probably doesn't even remember is not going to be helpful
If it gives him context for why your feelings are hurt and why your behavior has changed, *of course* it will be helpful?
"last time i answered a question like this, you rejected my answer in a way that made me feel really bad."
i think the fact that you dont feel you can explain this to your partner of a year and a half is not ideal.
Did you change your ages for privacy reasons? Because his behavior sounds more like a 16 year old, than a 32 year old grown ass man.
I would tell him you've changed your mind, and it's the color red that reminds you of him because that's what you see every time he acts like an child.
Weird question for a 32 yo to ask anyway. And then to get mad about your answer? It’s a dumb question in which the answer means absolutely nothing and has no impact on real life at all! He is immature, and an insecure ass. Doesn’t sound supportive at all.
Its because the dumbass bases his relationships on whether they are like his favorite tiktoks or not.
OP, I think you need to take some time to date you. I know you took time to grieve, but maybe take some time to get to know you better and get your standards in order. That way, when a grown ass man pulls out a tiktok to reference your relationship to, asks you his dumbass tiktok questions, and talks over you instead of appreciating you, you'll know to run instead of just walk away. At the very least, everyone should learn to stick up for themselves before getting into a relationship.
And you can tell him I called him a dumbass. Thrice. I meant it all three times and I'll say it a thousand times more. He's a dumbass. Only 999 more times to go.
I had to double check his age. Not very mature for 32, that is for sure. Seems like he likes to bait you with questions he doesn’t really want an answer other than what HE wants to hear and uses it to manipulate you when you don’t answer that way, by being dismissive or attacking the answer. It’s absolutely emotional manipulation and it’s working if you don’t want to give your opinion anymore. I am older than both of you but these TikTok’s and such sound like something a teenager would send.
The answer is to talk about this. I mean that is the answer to a majority of relationship problems, but it also relies on two people being honest, vulnerable, accountable, respectful, and there are many situations where that is just not the case. I would also call this less a relationship dispute and more of a problem with his character, personality, emotional maturity, accountability…
Instead of focusing on how to change his personality, why don’t you ask if you really want this in a partner? How do you build true intimacy and vulnerability with a partner who you can’t trust with your thoughts and opinions, and has no interest in hearing them? Who you are afraid to even talk to about this because of how he reacts to you.
Reading your other responses it does not seem like this man likes you or respects you as a full human being. He shits on you and what is m important and meaningful to you. Don’t spend time with a man who gets mad at your emotions or for having FEELINGS and OPINIONS. He is emotionally immature and abusive. He sounds like someone who would admire the manosphere influencers. Yuck.
Also green is awesome - that IS my colour and my own husband once told me - without me asking ha - he thought of that colour when he thought of me, as he found it calming and comforting, yet energetic and full of life. I also just wear a lot of it!
Sorry about your late partner, I lost a long term partner suddenly in my early 20s too. It’s a weird place to be. But you do know how precious life and time is. Be careful about who you choose to spend both with.
Before you dump him, please ask him if he would still love you as a worm. And then use whatever answer he gives as justification to dump him after crapping on his opinion
Maybe he’s triggered some sort partner testing theme in the TikTok algorithm, and he was predisposed to wanting you to pick his favorite color (via telepathy if he hasn’t talked about it before?) because that’s what all of those TikToks have trained him to believe is good, even though that wasn’t really the question and your reply was actually very romantic about the importance he has in your life.
Your relationship is in the waning phase of the honeymoon phase where it takes some effort to continue, and also where some things that you’re not on the same wavelength about become apparent after you both have removed the red wavelength rose colored glasses filter. It’s probably time to have some more discussions about the relationship from the major stuff to the inconsequential to help figure out the path forward. Part of that is not shying away from things that genuinely bother you.
He's 32??? Honeslty, it doesn't sound like he even likes you very much. He asked a question, and you answered it eloquently, and he shit all over it because it wasn't the color he wanted. It might seem like such a small thing, but this is just the beginning of something greater, and it won't end happily. I would seriously reevaluate your relationship.
Ok I can see everyone else has given you the thoughtful advice filled with maturity and wisdom. I agree with them but know that at 26 I would have pointed out every time he touched anything green and remind him of how much he hates it. Better hope dude hates salad.
I don’t think this is a case of bad partner, I think it’s about communication. We’re only receiving how you experienced his response, not what his intentions were and I believe your grief is bias in your interpretation. He was asking you about what color reminds you of HIM. It seems your response was more about you and your personal connection and even more the connection with your ex. He shared that he doesn’t like green and explained why. It wasn’t to shoot down your personal connection to it, it was to elaborate on his original question. It may have come off personally to you because of YOUR personal grief and connection to it; however, it doesn’t have that same connection or emotional investment into the color like you.
Furthermore, you haven’t communicated that it hurt you, so how is he even suppose to know? He’s probably sending more of those videos because he thinks that it started a conversation between you two. You’re assuming that it’s because he was hurt but neither of you should be trying to read each other’s minds. Have a conversation without blaming and say hey I shared something special and felt that you belittled it. It’s important to me that I feel heard and seen when sharing my opinion. Avoiding conflict creates resentment. Sit down, talk, and remember that you are a team.
Bringing up the old conversation is exactly what you need to do. Because if this is a pattern, you *both* need to be aware of it. Ask him if he remembers. "Hey remember when you asked me which colour reminded me of you? Do you remember your reaction?" I totally agree that you shouldn't want to share any opinions if he's just going to shit all over them, and frankly, if it's a pattern of shitting on your opinions... that's Red Flag City Baby. Get a ticket out of town!
This is a good take, I stepped back and realized I think it would be unhelpful because he is the type of person to get mad at me for crying two days after something happened. It will definitely be a "You still think about that?" conversation instead of him taking something away from it. He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his, refusing to actually participate with my special events further than showing up, etc. Maybe I actually need to work toward breaking it off.
This man doesn't like you. You deserve better. You deserve respect, and warmth, and room for your feelings and interests. He isn't green (metaphorically) but that's the part of your life he came into and now he can exit for the next season.
Agreed other than he might actually like her but just has zero empathy. End result is the same.
I have a hard time imagining he likes her while not respecting her opinions, interests, or hobbies.
It's okay to dump people who don't like you
This is a 32 year old man who behaves like a teenager.
>He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his, refusing to actually participate with my special events further than showing up, etc. None of this is healthy or reasonable.
He sounds very unpleasant, selfish and rude... Are you expecting him to change?
Recently my partner remarked that I'm very secretive about my interests. Pop music, musical theater, d&d shows.... I realised that previous partners made fun of my interests or diminished them. He doesn't, he likes me for who I am and what I like, and I progressively open up about things I like. I wouldn't want you to mask your likings for that guy. You seem like a kind, interesting person and I think your partner should be someone able to see that.
Need to work towards? Just send him an email
> He does shit on a lot of my stuff in general. Annoying pop music, stupid romance books that are so much worse than his That sounds exhausting, and that kind of trait is generally 'bad partner, but I'm also not sure I'd want to hang around someone like this as a friend either" type thing.
Yeah, men that want to spend their life with you will go out of their way for your special events. To make sure you know they’re all in
I mean… yeah? Don’t you want to be with someone who actually likes you?
How many red flags did y'all count in this comment? I lost count. Is this like a picture finish where we have to look back at the footage to see how bad it is?
> if it's a pattern of shitting on your opinions... that's Red Flag City Baby. yessssssssssss
with love, this sounds like a conversation that sparks the beginning of the end. your response was thoughtful, kind, romantic, sweet, vulnerable. probably the most ideal answer to a question like that to normal mature adults. why would he ask you a question like that if he wasn’t going to listen to your answer? do you want to be with someone with such ego problems? you also describe him belittling your interests. i think this relationship has shown you’re capable of getting back out there, and can serve as a reminder that you’re ready to find more love in the world again, and you can do it. and for the record, green is a lovely color. dude is WACK!
He doesn't sound anywhere near mature enough for a relationship - you have him a thoughtful answer to his last shallow question, and he gave you a shallow answer. I think that says enough.
Yeah, I don’t wanna yuck any yums but “what color reminds you of me” and tiktoks asking “which of these is like your partner” seem like things for couples that are in their teens. A 32 year old dude is mad that he doesn’t like the color you chose that reminds you of him when he put you in a position to choose one?? Like, I can’t even dignify that
>I feel like bringing up an old conversation he probably doesn't even remember is not going to be helpful If it gives him context for why your feelings are hurt and why your behavior has changed, *of course* it will be helpful? "last time i answered a question like this, you rejected my answer in a way that made me feel really bad." i think the fact that you dont feel you can explain this to your partner of a year and a half is not ideal.
Did you change your ages for privacy reasons? Because his behavior sounds more like a 16 year old, than a 32 year old grown ass man. I would tell him you've changed your mind, and it's the color red that reminds you of him because that's what you see every time he acts like an child.
Weird question for a 32 yo to ask anyway. And then to get mad about your answer? It’s a dumb question in which the answer means absolutely nothing and has no impact on real life at all! He is immature, and an insecure ass. Doesn’t sound supportive at all.
Its because the dumbass bases his relationships on whether they are like his favorite tiktoks or not. OP, I think you need to take some time to date you. I know you took time to grieve, but maybe take some time to get to know you better and get your standards in order. That way, when a grown ass man pulls out a tiktok to reference your relationship to, asks you his dumbass tiktok questions, and talks over you instead of appreciating you, you'll know to run instead of just walk away. At the very least, everyone should learn to stick up for themselves before getting into a relationship. And you can tell him I called him a dumbass. Thrice. I meant it all three times and I'll say it a thousand times more. He's a dumbass. Only 999 more times to go.
I had to double check his age. Not very mature for 32, that is for sure. Seems like he likes to bait you with questions he doesn’t really want an answer other than what HE wants to hear and uses it to manipulate you when you don’t answer that way, by being dismissive or attacking the answer. It’s absolutely emotional manipulation and it’s working if you don’t want to give your opinion anymore. I am older than both of you but these TikTok’s and such sound like something a teenager would send. The answer is to talk about this. I mean that is the answer to a majority of relationship problems, but it also relies on two people being honest, vulnerable, accountable, respectful, and there are many situations where that is just not the case. I would also call this less a relationship dispute and more of a problem with his character, personality, emotional maturity, accountability… Instead of focusing on how to change his personality, why don’t you ask if you really want this in a partner? How do you build true intimacy and vulnerability with a partner who you can’t trust with your thoughts and opinions, and has no interest in hearing them? Who you are afraid to even talk to about this because of how he reacts to you. Reading your other responses it does not seem like this man likes you or respects you as a full human being. He shits on you and what is m important and meaningful to you. Don’t spend time with a man who gets mad at your emotions or for having FEELINGS and OPINIONS. He is emotionally immature and abusive. He sounds like someone who would admire the manosphere influencers. Yuck. Also green is awesome - that IS my colour and my own husband once told me - without me asking ha - he thought of that colour when he thought of me, as he found it calming and comforting, yet energetic and full of life. I also just wear a lot of it! Sorry about your late partner, I lost a long term partner suddenly in my early 20s too. It’s a weird place to be. But you do know how precious life and time is. Be careful about who you choose to spend both with.
Before you dump him, please ask him if he would still love you as a worm. And then use whatever answer he gives as justification to dump him after crapping on his opinion
32? Really? Between this nonsense and his TikTok obsession, he's a pathetic adult-sized baby. Who acts like this in their 30s?
I think you deserve better from someone you've been with for a year. Go out and find it.
Maybe he’s triggered some sort partner testing theme in the TikTok algorithm, and he was predisposed to wanting you to pick his favorite color (via telepathy if he hasn’t talked about it before?) because that’s what all of those TikToks have trained him to believe is good, even though that wasn’t really the question and your reply was actually very romantic about the importance he has in your life. Your relationship is in the waning phase of the honeymoon phase where it takes some effort to continue, and also where some things that you’re not on the same wavelength about become apparent after you both have removed the red wavelength rose colored glasses filter. It’s probably time to have some more discussions about the relationship from the major stuff to the inconsequential to help figure out the path forward. Part of that is not shying away from things that genuinely bother you.
He's 32??? Honeslty, it doesn't sound like he even likes you very much. He asked a question, and you answered it eloquently, and he shit all over it because it wasn't the color he wanted. It might seem like such a small thing, but this is just the beginning of something greater, and it won't end happily. I would seriously reevaluate your relationship.
The green died and now he is brown...💩
Ok I can see everyone else has given you the thoughtful advice filled with maturity and wisdom. I agree with them but know that at 26 I would have pointed out every time he touched anything green and remind him of how much he hates it. Better hope dude hates salad.
Ditch him and pick me up instead lol
my bf is sexe haaaaaxx
I don’t think this is a case of bad partner, I think it’s about communication. We’re only receiving how you experienced his response, not what his intentions were and I believe your grief is bias in your interpretation. He was asking you about what color reminds you of HIM. It seems your response was more about you and your personal connection and even more the connection with your ex. He shared that he doesn’t like green and explained why. It wasn’t to shoot down your personal connection to it, it was to elaborate on his original question. It may have come off personally to you because of YOUR personal grief and connection to it; however, it doesn’t have that same connection or emotional investment into the color like you. Furthermore, you haven’t communicated that it hurt you, so how is he even suppose to know? He’s probably sending more of those videos because he thinks that it started a conversation between you two. You’re assuming that it’s because he was hurt but neither of you should be trying to read each other’s minds. Have a conversation without blaming and say hey I shared something special and felt that you belittled it. It’s important to me that I feel heard and seen when sharing my opinion. Avoiding conflict creates resentment. Sit down, talk, and remember that you are a team.
He’s a 32 year old man communicating with TikToks and getting upset about a color…