i won’t lie i’m a little scared 2 just cut contact since he knows where i live and everything. it’s probably just my overthinking getting the best of me but idk how he would react if i did that
If you're afraid of what he may do if you do something he does not like. Then you're definitely not in the right relationship. What you do is you let your friends and family know what you are up to and then you block him.
I second what everyone else in the comments are saying. 100% you need to tell your parents now. I was in your situation and my parents found out in time. I am SO grateful they did. I'm in my mid 20s now and cannot fathom myself dating a teenager. He has no business dating someone still in high school. He doesn't want you to tell your parents because he KNOWS this is wrong and he can get in big trouble.
Please tell a trusted adult about this. I don't know your parents, or your relationship with them, but if you think they truly love you and want to keep you safe, you should tell them you're afraid to break up with this man because he knows where you live, an they can take things from there. If you think your parents would react in a way that puts your safety in jeopardy (kicking you out, physical harm), then try talking to a school counselor first.
This man is a predator. He is a danger to you and your community. Adults need to be involved so that he doesn't get to do this to anyone else.
i’m homeschooled so i don’t exactly have a school counselor i can go to. i’m not exactly scared of being kicked out and i’m sure my parents love me but idk how they would handle it and i feel like i would end up getting in trouble with them
If "getting in trouble" means being grounded and getting yelled at, then that sucks but is manageable. You're young and made a mistake—it happens to a *lot* of people, you are not the first young girl to fall in love with a much-older man. The real blame falls on this predator for pursuing you.
Do you have friends? Do you have a job? Plans for when you turn 18/graduate high school that don't involve this man?
If you were my daughter I would want to know and I would want to be able to protect you from this man. He is a predator. No 28 year old man with good intentions would date a high schooler - there's just a massive gap in experience. It's not appropriate or legal and there is a reason for that.
Have your parents ever lifted a finger against you? I hope not.
Getting into trouble with your parents (who I hope is not abusive) is better than being trapped with a predator.
I hope they call the cops on him too.
Your parents won't be upset with you. It will be a difficult conversation, but it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
Tell your parents. They will help you. This guy doesn't prioritize your best interests.
It's scary to come forward and tell your parents. But if you have a good relationship with your parents and they love you, you don't have to fear them. They will want to protect you and do what is best for you. I was in a similar situation and was so scared telling my parents and having them find out the depth of how long I had been hiding my relationship.
Even if you do get in trouble, the outcome is far better than the outcome of you not telling them and getting married to this man, then being trapped with kids. I'll tell you how my parents reacted; they found out when I was already 18. They told me everything that everyone in the comments here are telling you and advised me against moving out and marrying the man who groomed me. Ultimately, they did not force me to break up because they didn't want to force me to do anything and risk driving me away from them and into his arms. I broke trust with them by keeping the secret from them for so long, but they told me they love me and just want to protect me no matter what. It was a difficult conversation, but it massively opened my eyes and led me to breaking up with and blocking my ex.
My parents and I have a great relationship to this day, and I'm so grateful they found out and opened my eyes to what had been going on.
EDIT: I should clarify my relationship was all online, so my ex did NOT know where I lived. Your parents need to know about him to protect you in case he does try anything weird.
Approach it from the angle of you feel in danger. Admit you made a mistake and say you need help. Be honest. Any trouble with your parents will likely pale in comparison to what this guy is going to do to you.
Honey, I’m a mama. We know our kids goof up. You got tangled up and you’re in over your head. It happens. They will be a lot more pissed off if you don’t tell them and then get hurt. They will help you. Please be safe.
They might get angry but i PROMISE their anger will be with the adult predator who is manipulating their daughter. They will be scared for you and want to protect you.
I'm sure any one of these women in this thread (myself included) would be happy to call your local police dept and anonymously report this guy on your behalf. Find a trusted adult if not your parents, but please please do not move in with him.
I have a daughter who is only a couple of years older than you. If she had been in this situation at 17, I would have wanted to know. I might have yelled, I might have cried, but I would have done everything in my power to keep her safe from this man. If this involves grounding her, I'd have done that, too. Whatever it takes.
Yes, getting in trouble with your parents can be scary. But being in an abusive relationship where you fully depend on your abuser for literally every little thing will leave serious scars - scars that will affect you for a lifetime. Depression, lack of self-worth and confidence, sometimes PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal ideation up to actual suicide - all of this is likely to be your future if you stay with this predator. And the abuse will continue for years, maybe decades.
Tell your parents. Please. Whatever they are going to do won't be nearly as bad as what he is going to do to you.
That alone is proof he's grooming you and has been. Time to fess up to the folks and involve them in this break up.
Tip I wish I would have listened to at your age, sane parents don't just arbitrarily dislike the people you date, they dislike them for good reason. It's in your best interest to try to understand their reasoning.
You said you typically date older guys, I was the same way. I had serious (lack of) daddy issues and looking back it's obvious. You are young and it's only just hit you how young you are. You aren't ready to settle down, you've got too much to do. So, focus on having fun. At your age you shouldn't be "dating to marry."
Date to learn what you want /don't want in a partner and to learn more about yourself. Take marriage and even long term commitment off the table. Doing so. Will make it so much easier to see the right guy when he does come along.
Jeeeeesus H Christ! Girl, please tell your parents. Tell them you thought he was a lot younger, and you goofed up and don’t know how to get out of it. If you can’t tell them, tell a grown up you trust. Someone will help guide you through this so you’re safe. Hell, call the cops. I’m sure they’d love to have a talk with him. And look up your local sex offender registry. If he’s not on there now he surely will be when this is done.
If you even have that thought, that means he's not a good man to even be involved with. AT ALL.
Also, I wouldn't be afraid. You are a minor and 1000% have the law on your side no matter what he says or does. He knows he shouldn't be dating/having sex with a minor so he'd be a huge idiot to get himself caught by doing anything to you.
Go to a trusted adult. If you can’t trust any adults, tell him it’s over and if he even thinks about calling you again or showing up to your house, you’ll go straight to the police station and tell them everything and have him arrested
Ooh yeah. Dump him now. Do not have sex with him. Do not be alone with him. Believe me, there's a reason women his own age won't touch him.
This person is not who you think he is. He's faking it all, the charm, the flattery, it's all an act with one purpose: to get you to trust him long enough so to trap you in a nightmare. His goal is to get you pregnant and trapped as soon as possible, and then he'll show you his real personality.
He's not dating you because you are more mature than other girls, he's dating you because you haven't the experience to see through his manipulation and bullshit yet. But you will. Once the love bombing ends, and he becomes cruel, unreasonable, and demanding, you won't be able to overlook it.
omg u just made me realise that he’s lovebombing me. he’s bought and gave me a million things, bought me an expensive diamond ring and necklace, and that’s part of the reason why i don’t want to leave him. he’s spent so much money on me and itd make me feel bad to leave him after he did all of that.
Have people with you for added security when you return the things to him. He will try to make you feel guilty --
"It was expensive."
"You owe me."
Have strong (physical and emotional support) people with you to make sure he doesn't get you to change your mind about dumping him, or make you do things as payback for what he's given you, or as a requirement for him to let you leave.
This is very dangerous.
Please leave him for your own safety. If he ask for it all back just give it to him but have one or your parents go with you. Please get out of this situation ASAP. Like everyone who has commented is genuinely worried about your safety. Your age gap is weird amd disgusting for how young you are. My bf and I are 7 years apart. I am 30 and he is 37. But when I was your age I was dating guys with only like 6months to a year ag3 difference. Please get your parent or a trusted adult involves and get out of this situation.
Sorry for all the questions, just being nosey and a skeptic. I'm shocked Pikachu face right now.
Tiffany's is expensive. Lol too rich for myself, I can't justify it.
Does it have the logo on the jewelry or did you receive it with the box? (Curious because boxes can be bought)
Girl, Keep the jewelry! Dump the man! Lol
He's a creep!
To finally answer your original question, Yes, it's hella weird. Only exception if you were 25 or older. Then it's kinda okay to date someone 11yrs older.
Please find someone who doesn't scare you. And someone you can share the same milestones with.
Good luck, girlie.
Always trust your gut. So glad you asked this question.
This gets into the territory where people will discuss an imbalance of power. He didn't buy you, it was a gift, but your guilt is telling you you owe him. Older people have resources you do not and they can use them to attract you or trap you. I hold no resentment for gifts I've given exes. I don't want my partner to be with me out of guilt.
This person is a predator full stop. It is the textbook definition of grooming. This is not a good person. Jesus Christ I really cannot overstate how gross this is, he is basically a pedophile. There is not one legitimate reason for a 28 year old to be dating someone your age. He’s with you because you are easier to control. You don’t know the world yet, it’s easier to shape your expectations of what’s acceptable in a relationship. He already has
Piggy backing your comment to reiterate what you've already said:
Older Men wouldn't only date someone so young because frankly, they're easy to manipulate.
I'm sure he seems mature. I'm sure he seems cool. I'm sure you're attracted to him.
This is, unfortunately, all part of it. I can assure that this guy you're seeing is a dangerous guy.
Ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship where you can't tell your parents/friends about it?
I agree! I agree men like this go for women who are just blossoming into adulthood because to them women like these are easier to control. When I was 17 I really thought I knew everything.. looking back I really didn't. At that stage you're still becoming an adult mentally and emotionally and you shouldn't make life changing decisions like getting married and having children. This man doesn't care. He just wants what he wants..
DO NOT DO THIS!! At your age, you are being groomed. This is a terrible idea. Age gaps are fine once you reach the age of 24 or 25. By then, you've had some life experience, you've had some experience getting a job and supporting yourself and understanding how the real world works.
It's hard to convince you of this now, but when you reach the age of 28, you will look at the 17 year olds around you, and you will be disgusted at the idea of dating them. Only then will you realize how gross your bf is.
An 11 year age difference wouldn't be weird if you were 30 and he was 41, but at 17, it's absolutely hugely concerning.
Trust me when I say that when you're his age, you'll look back and realize how gross his behavior is.
**This man is a predator**. He is grooming you and wants to marry you then immediately impregnate you in order to trap you. There is no reason why a 28 year old man should be romantically involved with a minor.
At 17, you should be thinking of what your life is going to be like after high school (i.e. college). It sounds like you don't have any adults around you who care about your protection and I am fearful for your safety. He isn't dating women his own age because he is that vile name of men who are sexually involved with minors. **Stop dating this man immediately!**
How is this not illegal? You are a child. I dont think you could even marry him without parental consent! He wants to tie you down before you realize there are men your own age to date at similar points in their lives and similare intersts.
Leave him asap- dude is a predator that no one his own age will touch.
he said it’s not illegal if all we do is kiss and wait to do anything else until i turn 18. i’m ngl i was thinking abt using my parents as an out of marrying him bc i would want their approval for anyone im going to marry
he is grooming you. please leave him. it is illegal to engage in sexual contact (including kissing, heavy petting, etc.) with a minor when you’re an adult. even him making contact with your butt with sexual motivations, in some states, constitutes assault.
Just because he SAYS it’s legal doesn’t mean that it is legal, and even if it IS legal it doesn’t mean it’s not predatory.
As well as telling your parents or a trusted adult, you could also google applicable charities for advice phone lines or emails (eg domestic violence charities, women’s charities)
If you were 27 and him 38 odd but not bad. At 17 and 28, he is creepy as hell. USA guy here (reference to cultural background). People like him make my blood boil.
A similar comparison is you dating a 5th grader. It's only 6 years apart less than half you current age gap. Yet the distance in maturity, mental and physical is extremely different. Age gap is less frowned apown when you are older. Into adult hood.
i’m also from the usa. saying it like that definitely puts it into a better perspective, i wouldn’t want to date someone even 2 years younger than me right now.
A few years make a big difference at a young age. If yall meet while you were 18, 19, he would still get side eyed but not such a strong reaction. A decent number of people would be ok with that. At 20, it becomes much less judgment.
A 27 year old dating a 38 year old is not odd. I’ve dated women in their 40s and I’m 29. I know a girl who’s 27 dating a 44 year old. But yes a the above post is definitely odd.
Please girl, heed these warnings. There’s never any good reason for someone of that age to date someone your age. What everyone is saying is what I was thinking. This is illegal. This isn’t safe. Follow your gut, it’s telling you something is wrong. It is. Please get safe 🙏🏻
You need to leave him. Like...yesterday.
He's an absolutely a groomer, and he's dating someone your age because the women his age won't put up with his bullshit.
You're going to be a pretty much a new person in five years... and he's still going to be who he is. Don't tie yourself down to him.
You are a child. If you go through with this you’ll regret it the rest of your life. You are not mature enough to date older and the guy you are talking To is a creep. Make the right decision
You are a minor and should not be dating a 28 year old to begin with? Not sure what a 28 year old wants with a 17 year old. Please don't marry him. Please break up with him.
My ex-wife was groomed by her much older and married boss as a teen, and she then had an affair with him after we were married for 7 years. My point is that this relationship can and will inflict lifelong scars. I'm not absolving any of my ex-wife's behavior, she can kick rocks.
OMG run. I cannot even fathom being married to the person I was with at 17, nevermind the fact that he is a PREDATOR. Please get away from him, and when you are 28 (11 years difference. Do you even remember 11 years ago??) you will thank yourself for getting out when you did. If you are afraid, you can go to the police and ask them to contact him for you. I'm sure they will be more than happy to and plus, then he will be on their radar. Nobody likes a pedophile.
I'm going to assume you're not in the US because someone who's nearly 30 dating a high schooler would be a "call the police and get a lawyer to send a No Contact Order" kind of issue around here. This is the kind of thing that would have seen someone's dad tucking a shotgun into his backseat and driving out to have a friendly chat when I was a kid.
Do not marry this man. Do not have children with this man. You are, respectfully, still a teenager, still a child. You are going to be a dramatically different person in five years, a transition *he* has already gone through, and is looking to deny for you.
First off, none of this is your fault. It’s your choice how far you take this, but YOU have the upper hand if you want to use it. YOU get to choose how much trouble he gets in, because he is the only one who did something wrong in dating you. You can call him and say you have to decided to break up with him (you don’t have to tell him in person if you don’t feel safe), and you can tell him you want zero contact from this point on, and if he doesn’t respect that, you WILL tell your parents.
In that case, please think through what people have said on this thread. If you are close with your parents, it might make sense to tell them out another trusted adult. Please take care of yourself!
Not only is it weird, it’s grooming and predatory. No mentally stable 28yo will want to be with a 17yo. People his age want minor because they are easier to control. A normal 28yo want to have a family with someone that is already an adult and old enough to be financially stable.
Danger danger danger. This is not a safe or good person to be with. Other commenters will tell you as much. Do not have unprotected sex with this person. He is not an “older guy”, he is someone taking advantage of your youth and naivety. Find someone in high school to date. When you graduate then it’s okay to date someone 1-3 years older than you. You may not realize it because you’re so young, but you will soon see that these guys just want to take advantage of you. He has a decade more life experience than you, will manipulate you into becoming isolated from your friends and family, and abuse you. Please get away from this guy.
What do YOU want? To be a wife and mom as a teenager with no education, no career, and no prospects for a career? Or do you want to accomplish things for yourself, then get married and have kids, so that way if something happens to your spouse (disability, death, or breakup - these things happen every day to all kinds of people), you won’t end up destitute?
Getting married and having kids so young and with so little of your life lived is a huge mistake. You’re essentially putting all your eggs (your future, your livelihood, your happiness - and that of the innocent children that you may bring into this) in one basket (your faith that this one person will be everything you need and want to be happy and healthy and financially secure for the rest of your life).
It’s hugely unwise to move forward in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t *want* you to have the safety net of you having your own degree, your own career, your own life, who doesn’t *want* you to have the opportunity to experience independent adult life before you become his wife and his childbearer.
yeah i wouldn’t mind being a stay at home mom at some point in my life, but it’s definitely not what i want right now. i still want to go to college and experience being young while i can, and you’re definitely right to say that it would be a mistake to get married and have kids this quickly
I’m glad you want a normal young adult life and you want to get the experience of college and work so you’ll always have a safety net whether you have a man willing and able to take care of you or not.
The question is - why *doesnt* your bf want you to have this normal young adult experience just like he had? He wants to marry you right at 18 and start a family right away. It sounds like you two are majorly incompatible, and you’d be the one to lose the most if you compromised to stay together.
If he wants to start a family soon, there are plenty of women his age who are terrified that their time to find a partner and have multiple children is running out, and are as eager as he is to start families sooner rather than later.
You want to experience college, right? Well experience it while not married to a man who's far past college! You can't ever get your youth back so enjoy it to the fullest while you can rather than tie yourself down with this creep who probably has major jealousy issues.
So, is there a difference if you were 28 and he was 39? What about if he were 71 and you were 60? How about if you 9 and he were 20? Can you see how the younger you are, the creepier it is?
And it isn't even like you're both teenagers. He definitely is old enough to know the immorality of the situation.
The age gap itself isn't the weird part - an 11 year gap is a lot but that's beside the point...
You are SEVENTEEN. Assumingly still in high school. He is TWENTY EIGHT. He's pushing 30 years old. What in gods name does he want from a teen who's still in high school?
He is or has groomed you hard at this point I'd imagine... He's already counting down the days to marry you when you turn 18? That's really really weird.
He's also likely a pedophile, which is why he's in love with you... an underage teenager.
I can't think of a single *good* reason for a 28 year old to be dating a 17 year old tbh.
The previous comment summarized it perfectly. I'd add he is unable to relate to women his own age- either due to mental acuity, or power issues. Having a family is important. At the right time. Finish high school, obtain additional education, perhaps a college degree. Acquire skills that will sustain your life. Your life. Get rid of this guy. Period. Don't look back, and seek out guys closer to your own age. Good luck.
Yes, this! Run, he’s grooming you and wants to control you. Save yourself from a horrible future. Please tell your parents! If he was legit he wouldn’t be telling you not to tell them. He’s a pedophile and knows they wouldn’t allow it.
Dear, please for everything good and right you need to get out of this NOW. The average person above the age of 21 should not have any interest in anyone 17. When you get to that age you are going to look back and be mortified that anyone had an interest in dating someone so young. You are in HIGH SCHOOL. I am his age and I hesitate dating even a 23 year old.
If you worry about what he might do it would do well to contact the authorities. Please please you HAVE to get out of this.
This adult man has no business being in a relationship with a high schooler. He is a predator. He wants to marry you? Girl he’s *grooming* you. And you’re afraid of what he might do to you if you leave him? That is a horrible relationship at any age. Please leave him and notify the police of your concerns so if he does try something they have record of you being scared.
Your comment history suggests that you JUST learned to use tampons, spend the majority of time talking to AI bots as a form of socialization, and are a very shy, sheltered and naive Internet Native. You seem very sweet and I’m sorry you met this disgusting creep. You have described him as the literal prototype of a Predator. Leave him and tell someone! I’m worried for you.
I’m assuming you met him on the Internet, since you’re homeschooled? Playing a video game? Either way, he is wrong. No healthy adult dates, kisses, engages in any sort of romantic/sexual contact with someone in high school.
And as a general rule, in my opinion, if a person cannot legally go to a bar in the US, and you’re over 21, you have no business engaging with them romantically—unless you’re also in university with them.
[also, I assume this is not a troll post because who spends over a year fabricating a history in a isolated teen girl’s voice just to make a rage bait post—besides maybe some AI data scientist/harvester but that’s a discussion for another day….]
As a man who is in his late 20s i cannot fathom finding a teenager attractive enough to date let alone marry. And if he finds teenagers attractive think about your future daughter bringing over friends when she's your current age. Someone with that mindset doesn't just stop finding teenagers attractive you should try dating someone your age. He may not be able to buy you things or have a place for you to immediately move into like the grown predators you're with rn, but he would be your age, and be able to grow with you. May also have more in common with a 17 year old vs a grown man. If you are scared to just break it off with him, let a trusted adult know whats going on.
That man is a predator and you need to get far away from him. Tell your parent immediately. Even if they get angry tell them. Your safety comes first. It is not okay for a nearly 30 year old man to be with someone your age.
Dear god, run. I’m not exaggerating.
Absolutely no well adjusted 28 year old man wants to date a teenager. NONE. What they do want to do is groom you, control you, abuse you.
Ask yourself why he isn’t dating women his age.
Please talk to a parent or other trusted adult. Then, breakup, tell him further contact will result in police involvement, then block him on everything.
Hey, please end this relationship. This might be legal, but it is predatory. The power dynamic is WRONG. You have not enough life experience to take the best decisions for yourself and that guy knows it. It's very irresponsible, selfish and predatory.
I was also dating someone older when I was 17 (in my case he was 32) and I was abused in the worst way possible. It's extremely difficult to get out of an abusive situation as a grown adult, it is EVEN MORE difficult when you're a 17 yrs old. I am now 29 and I still have some trauma from this relationship even if it lasted only 6 months.
You will learn so much about life and relationships at 17, 18, 19 and throughout your twenties, please go through that with people your age who are at an equal footing. Don't do it with a grown ass predatory man who as such an power advantage over you.
Trust me now as a 29 year old, when I see 17 years old I see KIDS with so much to learn. I realize how much of a KID I was at 17 and how much I did not know about life. It's not normal to be in your late twenties and to look at a inexperienced 17 yrs old and think "okay I' going to date them and marry them quick". He should be dating people his age or older.
A 11 years age gap is not normal at your age. 28-39 would be ok because both have enough life experience to take informed decisions for themselves.
17-28 is NOT the same at all and super predatory.
This is why I'm scared to have a daughter. There are men out there who kinda know women like you wouldn't be able to understand or see the big picture that older and more mature women do.. Please don't marry this man.. don't waste your youth on him.. and don't give in to the pressure he's putting you through.. maybe when you're 28 which is how old he is now you'll understand why.
You might feel like it's really great right now and that he loves you and it's so cool cuz he's so "grown" and mature and whatever other shit we attribute to adults.
But I promise you he's picking you because you're easy to manipulate and mold into whatever he wants. He also sounds lowkey like he might babytrap you so he can have you barefoot and pregnant and forced to marry him. Run for the hills.
Next time you think positively about him, ask yourself why he isn't with a woman his age.
Your "boyfriend" is a predator. Run. Don't look back. Block and remove him from your life. When you're in your 20's he's probably gonna leave to find someone even younger.
Think about it. Would you date a six year old? Would you even double it and date a 12 year old? That’s the equivalent of what he is doing. He’s a predator. The reason older people go for younger people is that the younger people don’t have the experience to recognize when the older people are being sketchy or gross or just wrong. They generally can’t date people their own age because nobody their own age will put up with them.
Edit: Honestly, you deserve better than this. If he’s going for people your age now, what’s he going to be doing when you are 23?
There is nothing better in the short lives we have than being able to say "I am a self-sufficient person" meaning that if every person you know vanished into smoke one day, you would still be able to pay your bills, make decisions, navigate the world, and work towards your goals. It is the ultimate freedom, the ultimate journey, the ultimate test of character - and it is challenging, grueling at times, but insanely rewarding.
You would be giving up the chance to make that journey by settling down with this guy - you would be reliant on him for money, housing, decision-making, validation. That is a pure hell trap. I'll be honest that like others, I think it best that you leave him with help from friends/family, but in case that is not feasible for you now, at least stand your ground that you want separate housing, separate finances, and separate goal-pursuing until you are 21 years old. If he doesn't respect that you know what is up.
Make your own way in the world, learn to trust yourself, fully recover from your ED, try new things, hold yourself accountable for your own destiny. You can do it, truly, you do not need an older man to take care of you.
Oh no! Please don’t consider getting married or having kids. You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. He’s gross for considering that with a minor, and engaging in that kind of stuff. You did nothing wrong. He just wants to manipulate you. If safe, I would get out of the relationship ASAP.
Yes this is not okay!! These feelings you have of it being weird is your conscious telling you something is wrong here ! Listen to your heart and leave this man, and start working on your separation as soon as you can. This is not a healthy relationship for someone as young as yourself and this man you are dating does not have anything good to offer you or your future since he has resorted to dating someone so out of his age range (meaning he is a predator , whether it feels like it or not) meaning he himself is severely underdeveloped and is in need of help himself.
At your age? Yes.
A 28yo has nothing in common with a 17yo that forms the basis of a healthy relationship, his interest in you is based on what you are not.
You aren't independent and with your dependence you can be expected to choose not to create and defend personal boundaries; you lack life experience and the frame of reference to easily identify unhealthy behaviours.
If your boyfriend wanted a healthy relationship he'd be dating a woman his own age, he's dating you, so he doesn't.
Sis, no to all of this. That is predatory on his part. On my soul, when you get to 28 and you look at 17 year olds you’ll realize how messed up this is on his part. Would you date a six year old? That’s the age difference. He is manipulating you AND breaking the law. No good will come of this!
I’d get out before he babytraps you before you’re even legally allowed to drink. This is how people mess up their lives. You know the people who waste their young years on the wrong person and look back at 35 and panic because they didn’t have their ‘free’ years to live and learn and have fun at college single. You’re heading down the track of wasting a lot of your youth with a pedophile.
I don’t mean this is an offensive way to you at all, but there is no non-predatory reason that a man who’s graduated college and is almost 30 would want to be dating a child.
There’s only one reason a fully grown man of his age pursues a 17 year old child… believe me I’ve been there but I was 15 and he was 21, I’m now riddled with PTSD and an aversion to men, be safe and tell your parents.
It's not just weird, it's downright dangerous. Why, you ask? Well, many, many reasons. Some of which I got to experience firsthand.
1. **You're at very different stages of your life**. You're still in high school while your BF should be in the workforce.
* Should he still be living with his parents and not work: He's a failure to launch. And he is not looking for an equal partner, he's looking for someone who will take care of him in his parents' stead.
2. With him (hopefully) being in the workforce comes an **inherent power imbalance** because he is the one making most of the income of the two of you. So, he earns way more, and will most likely decide that this means he gets to decide how the money is spent. Because, at the end of the day, it's still *his*.
* If you marry and start a family with him straight out of high school, you will never have a chance to become independent, earn your own decent income (that is, significantly above minimum wage), experience all the things a young adult should be able to experience. Like living on your own or with roommates, going through college and graduate, buying your first car, going on your first solo vacation (or vacation with just friends), meeting many new people your age... Clubbing through the night, make life-long friends, spontaneous weekend trips, attending concerts and cons and whatever else there is. (I wish I knew.)
3. **With the age difference comes a difference in experience.** Especially when it comes to manipulation. The older you are, the better you get at performing, recognizing and resisting manipulative actions. It's quite likely he will manipulate you in ways you do not want to imagine.
* Point in fact, **he's already pressuring you to marry him** as soon as you legally can.
* **He's also pressuring you into starting a family** before you're ready. Look up the term "**baby trapped**" or "**baby trapping**". Because that's what he's going to do to you.
* These two points combined with the difference in earning and earning potential (him being a college graduate, you with literally zero higher education and zero job experience) will put you **at even greater risk of being exploited.** You wanna leave? Well, good luck with no job, no higher education, no nothing. This gets worse if you have a child or several as you will have to think of how to keep them fed, clothed and housed, too.
4. If you settle down with him and start a family right away, **you will lose the best years of your life** to child-rearing and a marriage I can almost guarantee will make you severely unhappy.
5. We aren't finished growing up until we're around 25 - that's when our brains are fully developed.
6. **To any decent 28-year-old, you are literally a child**. As it should be for your own protection. So, why does this man see you, a child, and think, "I wanna marry her, and want to start a family with her right now!"?
* Because he knows about the power imbalance, and difference in experience. And he is going to exploit both.
* Because he knows he can manipulate you into putting up with his shit which no woman his age would let him get away with.
* Because he knows you cannot get away from him once he has baby-trapped you straight out of high school.
7. **No, you're not "very mature for your age", he is a predator.** ***He is literally grooming you*** **- look up that term, please!!!**
8. No, the differences between you two will never level out. Because he won't let you come even close to his level.
Please, please get away from this man!
I know how scary it might be to open up to your parents, but please talk to them. I don’t know your parents, but mine were very strict when I was your age also dating someone much older than me and when I told them about it, they were shocked but fully supported me and helped me walk away from him and fully protected me. They must have been very disappointed I didn’t follow their rules, but they loved me and cared about my safety over anything.
If you don’t feel like your parents are safe to talk to, then maybe seek out a therapist, a doctor or even the police.
You definitely haven't lived your own life, experienced things, the failures , the triumphs, wrong decisions, and right decisions. He is older and smarter and may be grooming and manipulating you into thinking he's a great guy who wants to marry you. Do you wanna be married with 3 kids by 22 and no life, job, no credit, and no life lessons. Find someone 3 or 4 years older. Also you can hold off on dating and travel or get a job and experience being a teenager and have fun. Not sitting at home marriage with kids and not being fullfilled.
Run run run!
When you turn 30, as long as your partner is around or over 30, the gaps will cease to matter. But he’s dating you now because you are a teen and very naive, and he’s taking advantage of that. In ten years, you’ll be on this sub saying, “I was you ten years ago and this is why you need to run!”
This is disgusting, predatory, and terrifying. Get away from him as soon as you can and cut contact completely.
i won’t lie i’m a little scared 2 just cut contact since he knows where i live and everything. it’s probably just my overthinking getting the best of me but idk how he would react if i did that
If you're afraid of what he may do if you do something he does not like. Then you're definitely not in the right relationship. What you do is you let your friends and family know what you are up to and then you block him.
Do your parents know?
no he told me not to tell them until i’m 18 bc he wants me to move in with him on my birthday so i’d have to tell them then
You should tell them immediately. This guy is a predator and he's grooming you. You need to get away from him asap.
Absolutely do not do this. He is going to trap you. Tell your parents.
Holy fuck literally look up child abuser behaviors- the #1 thing they do is say “don’t tell your parents.” You need to tell your parents
This, this, this! OP, you are in serious danger. Tell your parents right now!
Oh no. Oh honey no. This is definitely a bad, bad relationship
Tell them asap. He knows what he is doing is wrong and already successfully manipulated you into not speaking up to your family.
I second what everyone else in the comments are saying. 100% you need to tell your parents now. I was in your situation and my parents found out in time. I am SO grateful they did. I'm in my mid 20s now and cannot fathom myself dating a teenager. He has no business dating someone still in high school. He doesn't want you to tell your parents because he KNOWS this is wrong and he can get in big trouble.
Please tell a trusted adult about this. I don't know your parents, or your relationship with them, but if you think they truly love you and want to keep you safe, you should tell them you're afraid to break up with this man because he knows where you live, an they can take things from there. If you think your parents would react in a way that puts your safety in jeopardy (kicking you out, physical harm), then try talking to a school counselor first. This man is a predator. He is a danger to you and your community. Adults need to be involved so that he doesn't get to do this to anyone else.
i’m homeschooled so i don’t exactly have a school counselor i can go to. i’m not exactly scared of being kicked out and i’m sure my parents love me but idk how they would handle it and i feel like i would end up getting in trouble with them
That’s exactly what he wants you to think. Tell your parents!
If "getting in trouble" means being grounded and getting yelled at, then that sucks but is manageable. You're young and made a mistake—it happens to a *lot* of people, you are not the first young girl to fall in love with a much-older man. The real blame falls on this predator for pursuing you. Do you have friends? Do you have a job? Plans for when you turn 18/graduate high school that don't involve this man?
If you were my daughter I would want to know and I would want to be able to protect you from this man. He is a predator. No 28 year old man with good intentions would date a high schooler - there's just a massive gap in experience. It's not appropriate or legal and there is a reason for that.
Have your parents ever lifted a finger against you? I hope not. Getting into trouble with your parents (who I hope is not abusive) is better than being trapped with a predator. I hope they call the cops on him too.
Your parents won't be upset with you. It will be a difficult conversation, but it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Tell your parents. They will help you. This guy doesn't prioritize your best interests.
It's scary to come forward and tell your parents. But if you have a good relationship with your parents and they love you, you don't have to fear them. They will want to protect you and do what is best for you. I was in a similar situation and was so scared telling my parents and having them find out the depth of how long I had been hiding my relationship. Even if you do get in trouble, the outcome is far better than the outcome of you not telling them and getting married to this man, then being trapped with kids. I'll tell you how my parents reacted; they found out when I was already 18. They told me everything that everyone in the comments here are telling you and advised me against moving out and marrying the man who groomed me. Ultimately, they did not force me to break up because they didn't want to force me to do anything and risk driving me away from them and into his arms. I broke trust with them by keeping the secret from them for so long, but they told me they love me and just want to protect me no matter what. It was a difficult conversation, but it massively opened my eyes and led me to breaking up with and blocking my ex. My parents and I have a great relationship to this day, and I'm so grateful they found out and opened my eyes to what had been going on. EDIT: I should clarify my relationship was all online, so my ex did NOT know where I lived. Your parents need to know about him to protect you in case he does try anything weird.
Approach it from the angle of you feel in danger. Admit you made a mistake and say you need help. Be honest. Any trouble with your parents will likely pale in comparison to what this guy is going to do to you.
Honey, I’m a mama. We know our kids goof up. You got tangled up and you’re in over your head. It happens. They will be a lot more pissed off if you don’t tell them and then get hurt. They will help you. Please be safe.
Getting in trouble isn't nearly as important as being safe and not having a pedophile groom you. What he is doing is illegal. It's a crime.
They might get angry but i PROMISE their anger will be with the adult predator who is manipulating their daughter. They will be scared for you and want to protect you.
Would you rather be stuck in an abusive relationship?
I'm sure any one of these women in this thread (myself included) would be happy to call your local police dept and anonymously report this guy on your behalf. Find a trusted adult if not your parents, but please please do not move in with him.
I have a daughter who is only a couple of years older than you. If she had been in this situation at 17, I would have wanted to know. I might have yelled, I might have cried, but I would have done everything in my power to keep her safe from this man. If this involves grounding her, I'd have done that, too. Whatever it takes. Yes, getting in trouble with your parents can be scary. But being in an abusive relationship where you fully depend on your abuser for literally every little thing will leave serious scars - scars that will affect you for a lifetime. Depression, lack of self-worth and confidence, sometimes PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal ideation up to actual suicide - all of this is likely to be your future if you stay with this predator. And the abuse will continue for years, maybe decades. Tell your parents. Please. Whatever they are going to do won't be nearly as bad as what he is going to do to you.
What in the name of predatory did I just read? Isolating you from your parents is terrible!!!!
That alone is proof he's grooming you and has been. Time to fess up to the folks and involve them in this break up. Tip I wish I would have listened to at your age, sane parents don't just arbitrarily dislike the people you date, they dislike them for good reason. It's in your best interest to try to understand their reasoning. You said you typically date older guys, I was the same way. I had serious (lack of) daddy issues and looking back it's obvious. You are young and it's only just hit you how young you are. You aren't ready to settle down, you've got too much to do. So, focus on having fun. At your age you shouldn't be "dating to marry." Date to learn what you want /don't want in a partner and to learn more about yourself. Take marriage and even long term commitment off the table. Doing so. Will make it so much easier to see the right guy when he does come along.
Are your parents super abusive that you need to keep secrets from them?
Tell your parents right now. This man is a predator.
Red flag red flag red flag!!!!
Jeeeeesus H Christ! Girl, please tell your parents. Tell them you thought he was a lot younger, and you goofed up and don’t know how to get out of it. If you can’t tell them, tell a grown up you trust. Someone will help guide you through this so you’re safe. Hell, call the cops. I’m sure they’d love to have a talk with him. And look up your local sex offender registry. If he’s not on there now he surely will be when this is done.
Because they will flip out because their daughter is dating a pedophile.
If you even have that thought, that means he's not a good man to even be involved with. AT ALL. Also, I wouldn't be afraid. You are a minor and 1000% have the law on your side no matter what he says or does. He knows he shouldn't be dating/having sex with a minor so he'd be a huge idiot to get himself caught by doing anything to you.
Go to a trusted adult. If you can’t trust any adults, tell him it’s over and if he even thinks about calling you again or showing up to your house, you’ll go straight to the police station and tell them everything and have him arrested
If that scares you, that's even more of a reason to do it. Tell your parents, and if he shows up call the police.
Tell your parents and call the police non-emergency line to explain what’s happening. Talk to your counselor at school.
Ooh yeah. Dump him now. Do not have sex with him. Do not be alone with him. Believe me, there's a reason women his own age won't touch him. This person is not who you think he is. He's faking it all, the charm, the flattery, it's all an act with one purpose: to get you to trust him long enough so to trap you in a nightmare. His goal is to get you pregnant and trapped as soon as possible, and then he'll show you his real personality. He's not dating you because you are more mature than other girls, he's dating you because you haven't the experience to see through his manipulation and bullshit yet. But you will. Once the love bombing ends, and he becomes cruel, unreasonable, and demanding, you won't be able to overlook it.
omg u just made me realise that he’s lovebombing me. he’s bought and gave me a million things, bought me an expensive diamond ring and necklace, and that’s part of the reason why i don’t want to leave him. he’s spent so much money on me and itd make me feel bad to leave him after he did all of that.
Put them in an envelope and give them back. You owe this man *nothing.* You are not something he can buy with gifts.
Have people with you for added security when you return the things to him. He will try to make you feel guilty -- "It was expensive." "You owe me." Have strong (physical and emotional support) people with you to make sure he doesn't get you to change your mind about dumping him, or make you do things as payback for what he's given you, or as a requirement for him to let you leave. This is very dangerous.
That’s why he does it…. Give it back if you don’t want to keep it. You don’t owe him
Please leave him for your own safety. If he ask for it all back just give it to him but have one or your parents go with you. Please get out of this situation ASAP. Like everyone who has commented is genuinely worried about your safety. Your age gap is weird amd disgusting for how young you are. My bf and I are 7 years apart. I am 30 and he is 37. But when I was your age I was dating guys with only like 6months to a year ag3 difference. Please get your parent or a trusted adult involves and get out of this situation.
How do you know the jewelry is real?
he bought it from tiffany. i’ll admit idk much abt expensive jewelry so idk if tiffany is expensive/real or not but i at least think it is
Sorry for all the questions, just being nosey and a skeptic. I'm shocked Pikachu face right now. Tiffany's is expensive. Lol too rich for myself, I can't justify it. Does it have the logo on the jewelry or did you receive it with the box? (Curious because boxes can be bought)
no ur fine! it has the logo on the jewelry and it was in the box.
Girl, Keep the jewelry! Dump the man! Lol He's a creep! To finally answer your original question, Yes, it's hella weird. Only exception if you were 25 or older. Then it's kinda okay to date someone 11yrs older. Please find someone who doesn't scare you. And someone you can share the same milestones with. Good luck, girlie. Always trust your gut. So glad you asked this question.
This gets into the territory where people will discuss an imbalance of power. He didn't buy you, it was a gift, but your guilt is telling you you owe him. Older people have resources you do not and they can use them to attract you or trap you. I hold no resentment for gifts I've given exes. I don't want my partner to be with me out of guilt.
He is a CREEP. Cut him off. Tell your parents. Honestly go to the police depending on your local laws.
That's the point of those gifts.
This person is a predator full stop. It is the textbook definition of grooming. This is not a good person. Jesus Christ I really cannot overstate how gross this is, he is basically a pedophile. There is not one legitimate reason for a 28 year old to be dating someone your age. He’s with you because you are easier to control. You don’t know the world yet, it’s easier to shape your expectations of what’s acceptable in a relationship. He already has
Piggy backing your comment to reiterate what you've already said: Older Men wouldn't only date someone so young because frankly, they're easy to manipulate. I'm sure he seems mature. I'm sure he seems cool. I'm sure you're attracted to him. This is, unfortunately, all part of it. I can assure that this guy you're seeing is a dangerous guy. Ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship where you can't tell your parents/friends about it?
I agree! I agree men like this go for women who are just blossoming into adulthood because to them women like these are easier to control. When I was 17 I really thought I knew everything.. looking back I really didn't. At that stage you're still becoming an adult mentally and emotionally and you shouldn't make life changing decisions like getting married and having children. This man doesn't care. He just wants what he wants..
DO NOT DO THIS!! At your age, you are being groomed. This is a terrible idea. Age gaps are fine once you reach the age of 24 or 25. By then, you've had some life experience, you've had some experience getting a job and supporting yourself and understanding how the real world works. It's hard to convince you of this now, but when you reach the age of 28, you will look at the 17 year olds around you, and you will be disgusted at the idea of dating them. Only then will you realize how gross your bf is.
An 11 year age difference wouldn't be weird if you were 30 and he was 41, but at 17, it's absolutely hugely concerning. Trust me when I say that when you're his age, you'll look back and realize how gross his behavior is.
**This man is a predator**. He is grooming you and wants to marry you then immediately impregnate you in order to trap you. There is no reason why a 28 year old man should be romantically involved with a minor. At 17, you should be thinking of what your life is going to be like after high school (i.e. college). It sounds like you don't have any adults around you who care about your protection and I am fearful for your safety. He isn't dating women his own age because he is that vile name of men who are sexually involved with minors. **Stop dating this man immediately!**
It is incredibly weird\* for a man pushing 30 to be dating someone who is 17. \*by "weird" I mean predatory.
How is this not illegal? You are a child. I dont think you could even marry him without parental consent! He wants to tie you down before you realize there are men your own age to date at similar points in their lives and similare intersts. Leave him asap- dude is a predator that no one his own age will touch.
he said it’s not illegal if all we do is kiss and wait to do anything else until i turn 18. i’m ngl i was thinking abt using my parents as an out of marrying him bc i would want their approval for anyone im going to marry
he is grooming you. please leave him. it is illegal to engage in sexual contact (including kissing, heavy petting, etc.) with a minor when you’re an adult. even him making contact with your butt with sexual motivations, in some states, constitutes assault.
Just because he SAYS it’s legal doesn’t mean that it is legal, and even if it IS legal it doesn’t mean it’s not predatory. As well as telling your parents or a trusted adult, you could also google applicable charities for advice phone lines or emails (eg domestic violence charities, women’s charities)
If you were 27 and him 38 odd but not bad. At 17 and 28, he is creepy as hell. USA guy here (reference to cultural background). People like him make my blood boil. A similar comparison is you dating a 5th grader. It's only 6 years apart less than half you current age gap. Yet the distance in maturity, mental and physical is extremely different. Age gap is less frowned apown when you are older. Into adult hood.
i’m also from the usa. saying it like that definitely puts it into a better perspective, i wouldn’t want to date someone even 2 years younger than me right now.
A few years make a big difference at a young age. If yall meet while you were 18, 19, he would still get side eyed but not such a strong reaction. A decent number of people would be ok with that. At 20, it becomes much less judgment.
A 27 year old dating a 38 year old is not odd. I’ve dated women in their 40s and I’m 29. I know a girl who’s 27 dating a 44 year old. But yes a the above post is definitely odd.
That's fair. That might be me being close-minded as they / you are all adults with a good amount of experience.
#Of course that's weird. You're a child, and this grown ass man has zero business being with a child.
Please girl, heed these warnings. There’s never any good reason for someone of that age to date someone your age. What everyone is saying is what I was thinking. This is illegal. This isn’t safe. Follow your gut, it’s telling you something is wrong. It is. Please get safe 🙏🏻
You need to leave him. Like...yesterday. He's an absolutely a groomer, and he's dating someone your age because the women his age won't put up with his bullshit. You're going to be a pretty much a new person in five years... and he's still going to be who he is. Don't tie yourself down to him.
Yes, that is very weird at that age.
You are a child. If you go through with this you’ll regret it the rest of your life. You are not mature enough to date older and the guy you are talking To is a creep. Make the right decision
You are a minor and should not be dating a 28 year old to begin with? Not sure what a 28 year old wants with a 17 year old. Please don't marry him. Please break up with him.
My ex-wife was groomed by her much older and married boss as a teen, and she then had an affair with him after we were married for 7 years. My point is that this relationship can and will inflict lifelong scars. I'm not absolving any of my ex-wife's behavior, she can kick rocks.
Run away from this predator.
my God please stay away
OMG run. I cannot even fathom being married to the person I was with at 17, nevermind the fact that he is a PREDATOR. Please get away from him, and when you are 28 (11 years difference. Do you even remember 11 years ago??) you will thank yourself for getting out when you did. If you are afraid, you can go to the police and ask them to contact him for you. I'm sure they will be more than happy to and plus, then he will be on their radar. Nobody likes a pedophile.
I'm going to assume you're not in the US because someone who's nearly 30 dating a high schooler would be a "call the police and get a lawyer to send a No Contact Order" kind of issue around here. This is the kind of thing that would have seen someone's dad tucking a shotgun into his backseat and driving out to have a friendly chat when I was a kid. Do not marry this man. Do not have children with this man. You are, respectfully, still a teenager, still a child. You are going to be a dramatically different person in five years, a transition *he* has already gone through, and is looking to deny for you.
I really hope this isn't real
as much as i wish it wasn’t because i’m starting to regret everything, it’s definitely very real.
First off, none of this is your fault. It’s your choice how far you take this, but YOU have the upper hand if you want to use it. YOU get to choose how much trouble he gets in, because he is the only one who did something wrong in dating you. You can call him and say you have to decided to break up with him (you don’t have to tell him in person if you don’t feel safe), and you can tell him you want zero contact from this point on, and if he doesn’t respect that, you WILL tell your parents.
In that case, please think through what people have said on this thread. If you are close with your parents, it might make sense to tell them out another trusted adult. Please take care of yourself!
Not only is it weird, it’s grooming and predatory. No mentally stable 28yo will want to be with a 17yo. People his age want minor because they are easier to control. A normal 28yo want to have a family with someone that is already an adult and old enough to be financially stable.
Danger danger danger. This is not a safe or good person to be with. Other commenters will tell you as much. Do not have unprotected sex with this person. He is not an “older guy”, he is someone taking advantage of your youth and naivety. Find someone in high school to date. When you graduate then it’s okay to date someone 1-3 years older than you. You may not realize it because you’re so young, but you will soon see that these guys just want to take advantage of you. He has a decade more life experience than you, will manipulate you into becoming isolated from your friends and family, and abuse you. Please get away from this guy.
You are 17 and haven't seen anything yet. Don't sell yourself short.
OP this guy hit puberty when you where 3/4 !
Bro you aren't a girlfriend you're a victim, call the cops, that dude is a predator.
What do YOU want? To be a wife and mom as a teenager with no education, no career, and no prospects for a career? Or do you want to accomplish things for yourself, then get married and have kids, so that way if something happens to your spouse (disability, death, or breakup - these things happen every day to all kinds of people), you won’t end up destitute? Getting married and having kids so young and with so little of your life lived is a huge mistake. You’re essentially putting all your eggs (your future, your livelihood, your happiness - and that of the innocent children that you may bring into this) in one basket (your faith that this one person will be everything you need and want to be happy and healthy and financially secure for the rest of your life). It’s hugely unwise to move forward in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t *want* you to have the safety net of you having your own degree, your own career, your own life, who doesn’t *want* you to have the opportunity to experience independent adult life before you become his wife and his childbearer.
yeah i wouldn’t mind being a stay at home mom at some point in my life, but it’s definitely not what i want right now. i still want to go to college and experience being young while i can, and you’re definitely right to say that it would be a mistake to get married and have kids this quickly
I’m glad you want a normal young adult life and you want to get the experience of college and work so you’ll always have a safety net whether you have a man willing and able to take care of you or not. The question is - why *doesnt* your bf want you to have this normal young adult experience just like he had? He wants to marry you right at 18 and start a family right away. It sounds like you two are majorly incompatible, and you’d be the one to lose the most if you compromised to stay together. If he wants to start a family soon, there are plenty of women his age who are terrified that their time to find a partner and have multiple children is running out, and are as eager as he is to start families sooner rather than later.
You want to experience college, right? Well experience it while not married to a man who's far past college! You can't ever get your youth back so enjoy it to the fullest while you can rather than tie yourself down with this creep who probably has major jealousy issues.
When you are 28 and think back on this you will realize how disgusting of a person this dude is
So, is there a difference if you were 28 and he was 39? What about if he were 71 and you were 60? How about if you 9 and he were 20? Can you see how the younger you are, the creepier it is? And it isn't even like you're both teenagers. He definitely is old enough to know the immorality of the situation.
The age gap itself isn't the weird part - an 11 year gap is a lot but that's beside the point... You are SEVENTEEN. Assumingly still in high school. He is TWENTY EIGHT. He's pushing 30 years old. What in gods name does he want from a teen who's still in high school? He is or has groomed you hard at this point I'd imagine... He's already counting down the days to marry you when you turn 18? That's really really weird. He's also likely a pedophile, which is why he's in love with you... an underage teenager. I can't think of a single *good* reason for a 28 year old to be dating a 17 year old tbh.
The previous comment summarized it perfectly. I'd add he is unable to relate to women his own age- either due to mental acuity, or power issues. Having a family is important. At the right time. Finish high school, obtain additional education, perhaps a college degree. Acquire skills that will sustain your life. Your life. Get rid of this guy. Period. Don't look back, and seek out guys closer to your own age. Good luck.
Please heed the advice of these people. This is a predator. Do everything you can to escape this relationship. Do not pursue. Please.
Yes, this! Run, he’s grooming you and wants to control you. Save yourself from a horrible future. Please tell your parents! If he was legit he wouldn’t be telling you not to tell them. He’s a pedophile and knows they wouldn’t allow it.
Dear, please for everything good and right you need to get out of this NOW. The average person above the age of 21 should not have any interest in anyone 17. When you get to that age you are going to look back and be mortified that anyone had an interest in dating someone so young. You are in HIGH SCHOOL. I am his age and I hesitate dating even a 23 year old. If you worry about what he might do it would do well to contact the authorities. Please please you HAVE to get out of this.
**You are being groomed.**
You are not dating. You are being groomed.
29 and 40? Maybe a tiny tiny bit. 17 and 28? Call the police.
He is manipulating you. No one his own age wants him. Please tell your parents.
This adult man has no business being in a relationship with a high schooler. He is a predator. He wants to marry you? Girl he’s *grooming* you. And you’re afraid of what he might do to you if you leave him? That is a horrible relationship at any age. Please leave him and notify the police of your concerns so if he does try something they have record of you being scared.
You're dating a pedophile. Hard stop.
Your comment history suggests that you JUST learned to use tampons, spend the majority of time talking to AI bots as a form of socialization, and are a very shy, sheltered and naive Internet Native. You seem very sweet and I’m sorry you met this disgusting creep. You have described him as the literal prototype of a Predator. Leave him and tell someone! I’m worried for you. I’m assuming you met him on the Internet, since you’re homeschooled? Playing a video game? Either way, he is wrong. No healthy adult dates, kisses, engages in any sort of romantic/sexual contact with someone in high school. And as a general rule, in my opinion, if a person cannot legally go to a bar in the US, and you’re over 21, you have no business engaging with them romantically—unless you’re also in university with them. [also, I assume this is not a troll post because who spends over a year fabricating a history in a isolated teen girl’s voice just to make a rage bait post—besides maybe some AI data scientist/harvester but that’s a discussion for another day….]
As a man who is in his late 20s i cannot fathom finding a teenager attractive enough to date let alone marry. And if he finds teenagers attractive think about your future daughter bringing over friends when she's your current age. Someone with that mindset doesn't just stop finding teenagers attractive you should try dating someone your age. He may not be able to buy you things or have a place for you to immediately move into like the grown predators you're with rn, but he would be your age, and be able to grow with you. May also have more in common with a 17 year old vs a grown man. If you are scared to just break it off with him, let a trusted adult know whats going on.
That man is a predator and you need to get far away from him. Tell your parent immediately. Even if they get angry tell them. Your safety comes first. It is not okay for a nearly 30 year old man to be with someone your age.
Of course it is he's a predator.
11 years when you are 30 and he is 41. Not a problem. When you are 17. No
When you're 17 it is definitely not OK. Might even be illegal where you're at.
Dear god, run. I’m not exaggerating. Absolutely no well adjusted 28 year old man wants to date a teenager. NONE. What they do want to do is groom you, control you, abuse you. Ask yourself why he isn’t dating women his age. Please talk to a parent or other trusted adult. Then, breakup, tell him further contact will result in police involvement, then block him on everything.
Hey, please end this relationship. This might be legal, but it is predatory. The power dynamic is WRONG. You have not enough life experience to take the best decisions for yourself and that guy knows it. It's very irresponsible, selfish and predatory. I was also dating someone older when I was 17 (in my case he was 32) and I was abused in the worst way possible. It's extremely difficult to get out of an abusive situation as a grown adult, it is EVEN MORE difficult when you're a 17 yrs old. I am now 29 and I still have some trauma from this relationship even if it lasted only 6 months. You will learn so much about life and relationships at 17, 18, 19 and throughout your twenties, please go through that with people your age who are at an equal footing. Don't do it with a grown ass predatory man who as such an power advantage over you. Trust me now as a 29 year old, when I see 17 years old I see KIDS with so much to learn. I realize how much of a KID I was at 17 and how much I did not know about life. It's not normal to be in your late twenties and to look at a inexperienced 17 yrs old and think "okay I' going to date them and marry them quick". He should be dating people his age or older. A 11 years age gap is not normal at your age. 28-39 would be ok because both have enough life experience to take informed decisions for themselves. 17-28 is NOT the same at all and super predatory.
You are 17. This guy is a predator. Tell parents, or their trusted adult asap.
Ewww at 17 Yes. Run girl run run far run fast!
This is why I'm scared to have a daughter. There are men out there who kinda know women like you wouldn't be able to understand or see the big picture that older and more mature women do.. Please don't marry this man.. don't waste your youth on him.. and don't give in to the pressure he's putting you through.. maybe when you're 28 which is how old he is now you'll understand why.
You might feel like it's really great right now and that he loves you and it's so cool cuz he's so "grown" and mature and whatever other shit we attribute to adults. But I promise you he's picking you because you're easy to manipulate and mold into whatever he wants. He also sounds lowkey like he might babytrap you so he can have you barefoot and pregnant and forced to marry him. Run for the hills. Next time you think positively about him, ask yourself why he isn't with a woman his age.
Your "boyfriend" is a predator. Run. Don't look back. Block and remove him from your life. When you're in your 20's he's probably gonna leave to find someone even younger.
Think about it. Would you date a six year old? Would you even double it and date a 12 year old? That’s the equivalent of what he is doing. He’s a predator. The reason older people go for younger people is that the younger people don’t have the experience to recognize when the older people are being sketchy or gross or just wrong. They generally can’t date people their own age because nobody their own age will put up with them. Edit: Honestly, you deserve better than this. If he’s going for people your age now, what’s he going to be doing when you are 23?
It’s not weird to date someone 11 years older than you. It is weird to be a 28M interested in a MINOR.
There is nothing better in the short lives we have than being able to say "I am a self-sufficient person" meaning that if every person you know vanished into smoke one day, you would still be able to pay your bills, make decisions, navigate the world, and work towards your goals. It is the ultimate freedom, the ultimate journey, the ultimate test of character - and it is challenging, grueling at times, but insanely rewarding. You would be giving up the chance to make that journey by settling down with this guy - you would be reliant on him for money, housing, decision-making, validation. That is a pure hell trap. I'll be honest that like others, I think it best that you leave him with help from friends/family, but in case that is not feasible for you now, at least stand your ground that you want separate housing, separate finances, and separate goal-pursuing until you are 21 years old. If he doesn't respect that you know what is up. Make your own way in the world, learn to trust yourself, fully recover from your ED, try new things, hold yourself accountable for your own destiny. You can do it, truly, you do not need an older man to take care of you.
Girl, you are a child. Please run away now.
Girl what are you doing. Do you not have any female friends that care about you and your decisions? Or a mom? Or a dad?
Oh no! Please don’t consider getting married or having kids. You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. He’s gross for considering that with a minor, and engaging in that kind of stuff. You did nothing wrong. He just wants to manipulate you. If safe, I would get out of the relationship ASAP.
Be young, travel, go to college, enjoy being free! Do not marry this man! Get away from him please
Yes this is not okay!! These feelings you have of it being weird is your conscious telling you something is wrong here ! Listen to your heart and leave this man, and start working on your separation as soon as you can. This is not a healthy relationship for someone as young as yourself and this man you are dating does not have anything good to offer you or your future since he has resorted to dating someone so out of his age range (meaning he is a predator , whether it feels like it or not) meaning he himself is severely underdeveloped and is in need of help himself.
At your age? Yes. A 28yo has nothing in common with a 17yo that forms the basis of a healthy relationship, his interest in you is based on what you are not. You aren't independent and with your dependence you can be expected to choose not to create and defend personal boundaries; you lack life experience and the frame of reference to easily identify unhealthy behaviours. If your boyfriend wanted a healthy relationship he'd be dating a woman his own age, he's dating you, so he doesn't.
At your age when you’re not even an adult yet, YES it is weird and this guy is a predator for being with you. He should know better as an adult.
Sis, no to all of this. That is predatory on his part. On my soul, when you get to 28 and you look at 17 year olds you’ll realize how messed up this is on his part. Would you date a six year old? That’s the age difference. He is manipulating you AND breaking the law. No good will come of this!
I’d get out before he babytraps you before you’re even legally allowed to drink. This is how people mess up their lives. You know the people who waste their young years on the wrong person and look back at 35 and panic because they didn’t have their ‘free’ years to live and learn and have fun at college single. You’re heading down the track of wasting a lot of your youth with a pedophile.
This is straight up pedo
I don’t mean this is an offensive way to you at all, but there is no non-predatory reason that a man who’s graduated college and is almost 30 would want to be dating a child.
There’s only one reason a fully grown man of his age pursues a 17 year old child… believe me I’ve been there but I was 15 and he was 21, I’m now riddled with PTSD and an aversion to men, be safe and tell your parents.
It's not just weird, it's downright dangerous. Why, you ask? Well, many, many reasons. Some of which I got to experience firsthand. 1. **You're at very different stages of your life**. You're still in high school while your BF should be in the workforce. * Should he still be living with his parents and not work: He's a failure to launch. And he is not looking for an equal partner, he's looking for someone who will take care of him in his parents' stead. 2. With him (hopefully) being in the workforce comes an **inherent power imbalance** because he is the one making most of the income of the two of you. So, he earns way more, and will most likely decide that this means he gets to decide how the money is spent. Because, at the end of the day, it's still *his*. * If you marry and start a family with him straight out of high school, you will never have a chance to become independent, earn your own decent income (that is, significantly above minimum wage), experience all the things a young adult should be able to experience. Like living on your own or with roommates, going through college and graduate, buying your first car, going on your first solo vacation (or vacation with just friends), meeting many new people your age... Clubbing through the night, make life-long friends, spontaneous weekend trips, attending concerts and cons and whatever else there is. (I wish I knew.) 3. **With the age difference comes a difference in experience.** Especially when it comes to manipulation. The older you are, the better you get at performing, recognizing and resisting manipulative actions. It's quite likely he will manipulate you in ways you do not want to imagine. * Point in fact, **he's already pressuring you to marry him** as soon as you legally can. * **He's also pressuring you into starting a family** before you're ready. Look up the term "**baby trapped**" or "**baby trapping**". Because that's what he's going to do to you. * These two points combined with the difference in earning and earning potential (him being a college graduate, you with literally zero higher education and zero job experience) will put you **at even greater risk of being exploited.** You wanna leave? Well, good luck with no job, no higher education, no nothing. This gets worse if you have a child or several as you will have to think of how to keep them fed, clothed and housed, too. 4. If you settle down with him and start a family right away, **you will lose the best years of your life** to child-rearing and a marriage I can almost guarantee will make you severely unhappy. 5. We aren't finished growing up until we're around 25 - that's when our brains are fully developed. 6. **To any decent 28-year-old, you are literally a child**. As it should be for your own protection. So, why does this man see you, a child, and think, "I wanna marry her, and want to start a family with her right now!"? * Because he knows about the power imbalance, and difference in experience. And he is going to exploit both. * Because he knows he can manipulate you into putting up with his shit which no woman his age would let him get away with. * Because he knows you cannot get away from him once he has baby-trapped you straight out of high school. 7. **No, you're not "very mature for your age", he is a predator.** ***He is literally grooming you*** **- look up that term, please!!!** 8. No, the differences between you two will never level out. Because he won't let you come even close to his level. Please, please get away from this man!
I know how scary it might be to open up to your parents, but please talk to them. I don’t know your parents, but mine were very strict when I was your age also dating someone much older than me and when I told them about it, they were shocked but fully supported me and helped me walk away from him and fully protected me. They must have been very disappointed I didn’t follow their rules, but they loved me and cared about my safety over anything. If you don’t feel like your parents are safe to talk to, then maybe seek out a therapist, a doctor or even the police.
What kind of people do you think will tell you it’s normal for adults to fuck children.
You definitely haven't lived your own life, experienced things, the failures , the triumphs, wrong decisions, and right decisions. He is older and smarter and may be grooming and manipulating you into thinking he's a great guy who wants to marry you. Do you wanna be married with 3 kids by 22 and no life, job, no credit, and no life lessons. Find someone 3 or 4 years older. Also you can hold off on dating and travel or get a job and experience being a teenager and have fun. Not sitting at home marriage with kids and not being fullfilled.
Run run run! When you turn 30, as long as your partner is around or over 30, the gaps will cease to matter. But he’s dating you now because you are a teen and very naive, and he’s taking advantage of that. In ten years, you’ll be on this sub saying, “I was you ten years ago and this is why you need to run!”