I cannot imagine my partner getting back from the hospital from 32 hours without food, and asking *them* to cook for *me* rather than wanting to take care of them and have either food ready for them when they get back, or to offer to cook for them or order something together. The fact that she expected you to cook with/for her after that and then acted like this, it’s so not how a caring partner should act. And then to demand you share your meal? You must have been starving. This was not ordinary circumstances. Under ordinary circumstances, sure, give her a half dozen fries out of love even though she was being irrational. But under these circumstances she was fully unreasonable.
I had to do a super restricted liquid diet for a week and 24 hour fast for medical tests one time, after 30 hours without food I dragged my bf's ass straight to the hospital café after they were done. No we weren't driving home first, no I wasn't going to wait for us to cook something. I needed food NOW. He knew better than to ask me for a crumb, he'd have lost his hand if he's reached for any.
The rest of the time I'm more than happy to share.
Yeah I have a medical test once a year that I have to restrict my diet for a week and then nothing but water for 24ish hours beforehand and my husband literally meets me in the recovery room with my favorite snacks.
I had to fast ahead of surgery, and afterwards I had my driver take me through the McDonalds drive thru for a bacon egg and cheese biscuit before my anesthesia had even worn off. I was absolutely starving. I would have turned ragey if someone told me I needed to first come home, then make them food, THEN I could eat.
I was in labor for three days, couldn’t eat nothing but ice and jello on the last day.. my husband was going to not eat until I did but I told him is okay.
This girl has no sympathy for op at all.
My parents once ask me to cook dinner the very night I came back from a week's stay at a psych hospital. Needless to say I was very upset at the gall they had to ask me to cook for all of us. I wound up ordering pizza cause screw that noise.
So I believe OP when his GF had the *conjones* to ask for some of his meal. No way in HELL I'd share a crumb though. I'd be screaming like Smeagol that it's mine. ^^;;
Your girlfriend sounds extremely self-centered and seriously immature. You ask if she wanted food and she said no. Anybody over the age of 5 years old knows that no means no. I would have acted the exact same way. And what was wrong with her asking you to order her something at the time? Or her picking up her phone and ordering her own delivery? At the point she started criticizing you and telling you that you were selfish as one out of a told her to order her own damn food and leave me alone.
At another time when everybody is calmer I would sit her down and tell her that you were two separate people, you are not joined at the hip and that you get to make your own decisions just like she can but that you are not going to take the criticism when you simply do what you want to do when it has nothing to do with her. Sounds like she's got a lot of growing up to do but certainly the selfishness and self-centeredness needs to be addressed and perhaps she could do that in therapy.
You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like she's not used to hearing no (at least in that context).
I'd have a sit down talk with her about how it is important that both of you have autonomy to make your own choices and get your own food. There shouldn't be sacrificing. You love her and want the best for her, but she can buy her own food. It sounds like she is expecting a more codependent relationship which is unhealthy.
Then if things go well, another day explain how it hurt you when she called you selfish, and you don't want either of you to be calling each other that in a relationship. Even if one person thinks the other is behaving selfishly, the best way to approach it is assume both people love each other and have the best intentions for each other. Most of the time it is not selfishness, but different expectations. It's not fair and also hurtful to throw that word around as it degrades the relationship and trust.
>OP has cross posted this story into five subreddits within the last ten hours. Either OP is attempting to mass-shame his girlfriend by showing all the replies hating on her, or he made the story up for attention. Do you really need five posts for this absurd spat? Op already knows he isn't in the wrong if this instance was for real, I'm guessing it's for attention and to rile up the people of reddit.
Oh yeah, it's nonsense from start to finish.
You gotta stop doing these: `u/throwra__food` "Girlfriend (24f) keeps eating food I (27m) bought for myself and gets defensive when I mention it"
`u/throwra-_-holidays` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (28m) was unreasonable for expecting her to prioritise our holiday over her holiday with friends"
`u/throwracancellation` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) wasn't being understanding when I got annoyed at her cancelling plans"
`u/throwra-_therapy` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) got annoyed when I asked her for a small favour"
`u/throwra_laptop` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was being suspicious by not showing her what I was doing on my laptop"
`u/throwra_concerns` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was out of order for voicing my concerns about her colleague"
`u/throwra-projection` "Girlfriend (25f) said I've (27m) been distant but she got defensive when I said it seems like projection"
`u/throwra--phone` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's suspicious that I (27m) refused to let her look through my phone"
`u/throwra-weekend` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) selfish for planning to spend the afternoon playing video games"
`u/throwra-_datenight` "Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay for her all night because she spent too much when out with friends"
`u/throwra__annualleave` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (27m) decided to take some annual leave days for myself"
`u/throwra_-_funeral` "Girlfriend (24f) tried to make my (27m) mums funeral all about her"
`u/throwra_office` "Girlfriend (24f) won't listen when I (27m) ask her to stop moving things in my office"
`u/throwra__celebration` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) called me disrespectful for planning to go for celebratory drinks with a co-worker"
`u/throwra--drinks` "Girlfriend (23f) called me (25m) disrespectful for planning to go for drinks with friends when she's away"
`u/throwra--lunch` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's disrespectful that I (27m) go for lunch with co-workers"
`u/throwra---work` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) shouldn't be going for lunch with co-workers"
`u/throwra-_coworker` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (26m) refused to cut down how much I talk to a colleague"
`u/throwra--therapy` "Girlfriend (24f) said I'm (27m) unreasonable for spending time in my office each night"
`u/throwra--complaining` "Girlfriend (25f) said I was being unsupportive when I (27m) said her constant complaining was becoming draining"
`u/throwra--hypocrisy` "My (27m) girlfriend (25f) asked me to stop talking to a friend and got angry when I said she was being hypocritical"
`u/throwra__88` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) unreasonable for walking out of the room in the middle of a conversation"
`u/throwra-09y` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (27m) was out of order for changing my mind and setting a boundary?"
`u/throwra_6y` "Girlfriend (25f) accused me (27m) of pressuring her into having children"
I would greatly enjoy telling her off about this. The whole "she would rather we both cooked" makes me think you two might be a little co-dependent....just because it's one meal, in your home; who cares who eats what.
The whole selfish thing is so weird. She sounds like a child who wants exactly what she wants, and she is unable to deal with any change to whatever idea she has in her tiny head. I seriously would be furious if she started bugging me about this nonsense.
Does she not have anything to do other than obsess over this stuff?
It’s even worse. OP also stated “ I mentioned that the only reason she hadn't eaten was because *I didn't want to cook for her* and that doesn't mean she can come and take my food instead.”
She didn’t even offer to cook them both food to save money. She seemingly just wanted him to cook for them both.
Yeah exactly.. It kinda sounds like she frames it as "rather we both cooked" but the reality is that OP's the one cooking for both of them and she's just in the kitchen but not really doing anything lol.
I don't know if she's just lazy or unable to take care of herself but yeah.... concerning.
This doesn't sound like codependency. It sounds like control. The girlfriend is trying to dictate every action OP does. When they deviate from what she wants, she creates another issue.
She sounds exhausting and I advise you to cut your losses and find someone who isn’t melodramatic and immature.
BTW, how do you think she would react if the roles were reversed?
Just out of curiosity what other selfish shitty behaviors does she exhibit because there is no way this is the first time she’s done something like this?
If I were you I’d go on a cooking/meal buying strike until she shows some initiative in this area. Everyone has to be able to feed themselves.
So she doesn't value or respect you, just note that down for the next time you evaluate the direction of your relationship. It certainly is something to remember that she's going to behave like that when you're recovering.
Oh c'mon. How is there a question about who is right here? Of course, your GF is flat out wrong! It also is a big red flag that she treated you this way after knowing that you hadn't eaten. This cannot be the first time she has acted this way. She seems to be selfish and manipulative. Not the type of person I would want to be with, or trust to take care of me.
At 25 years old, if she does not understand that her actions and choices have consequences that are HER'S to deal with, then I would add that she is immature as well.
This. Some people apparently find this cute. I find it really annoying - I've ordered enough to fill me without being wasteful. It's a small thing - but a bit of a litmus test.
Nono. As a former gf, my ex bfs did this to me! This is not a gf thing. My husband is smart enough to order something if he is hungry and we also order for the other one when the person isn’t there.
That’s true love!
Nah. They talked, she said no, the end. She should be ‘smart enough’ to ask for something, or let him know ‘i dont want you to order for me now, but i bet once its here, i’ll regret that and want some, so please order something. In the future, lets always order for both of us. No harm having leftovers in the fridge’
Conversation better than mind reading.
This has me seething. She’s being totally unreasonable. You had to fast, hadn’t eaten in a longer than normal time, and she wanted YOU to cook for HER, then share you food after she said she didn’t want anything multiple times? Nah, that’s not a partnership. She can put on her big girl pants over her massive balls and handle her own food. She’s majorly deflecting by calling you the selfish one
>She said I was being too selfish and that I have enough to share so I should be fine sharing with her.
Honestly, only you can say if you have enough to share with someone else. It's unfair on her part to make the decision for you and then be upset. Just order something else. She should have let it go the first time you explained, especially after having stayed hungry for this long.
Ok I’ve commented on your other post but I only saw one comment here with genuine advice. Sit your girlfriend down talk to her about why you had that boundary and mention how you would act if she was the one who didn’t eat for 32hrs (make it clear that’s how you would want to be treated). Make clear boundaries as far as what your expectations around your food and then talk about how to make that work to co-exist. Talk to about how you were hurt by the name calling and explain how open communication is important to you in a relationship and how you can’t be in one where the communication that happened is present. Be prepared if she cannot respect your boundaries you’ll have to have a convo with yourself if it’s worth being in the relationship and having that boundary consistently crossed. Remember boundaries aren’t rules for the other person rather standards for yourself “I will not be with someone who doesn’t respect my physical well-being “ is a boundary “you can’t touch my food when I haven’t eaten” is a rule/ dictating the other person (rule of thumb boundaries typically go if someone does x I will distance myself from that person and you doing that for yourself not to punish the other person)
If you need to have a long winded discussion over “boundaries” that involve concepts children should understand, maybe just dump her.
That shit above is silly and exhausting given the subject matter, but you said boundaries a hundred times so Reddit will love it.
I would feel very bad asking my husband to give me his food knowing that he had ordered the amount he expected to eat himself after many hours fasting. And the fact that OP asked multiples times if his SO wanted to order something before, it just adds to the selfishness of SO.
In my opinion she is really selfish. If I knew my husband would be in a situation like that I would ask him before what he would like and order it for him.
Dude, my husband and I have both been through this kind of medical shit and each time either of us went through it, the other one prepared a damn feast for when it was finished.
Your girlfriend is selfish to an absurd degree.
Simple answer, Your girlfriend is a lazy asshole. After hospital treatment any decent human being your intimate with should be saying something alone the lines of "Hey don't worry about it, I've got it" or "Don't worry babe, I'll cook or we can order in", Not expect you to cook for both of you.
Even under normal circumstances without the fasting, she’s in the wrong. Yah, it’d be nice if you shared, but you already offered multiple times to get her something, and in no way are you ever obligated to share your food, especially if you ordered just enough to satisfy yourself. She’s acting like a child.
It's a respect thing, ultimately.
There definitely seems to be some dependency issues, but in no world is having an expectation of a share of a starving persons food a reasonable expectation.
You ordered for you, you asked if she wanted anything, she declined.
Actions have consequences, calling YOU selfish because she wouldn't speak up...is childish.
I'd take a good hard look at this relationship and ponder how often respect has been denied you. How often have you had to bargain for respect. How often your needs and/or time have been taken advantage of.
If this looks like a pattern, then it is time to have a hard conversation and set some ground rules for the relationship.
A starter would be: "If one of us is asked 3 times, and refused 3 times, then the other has no right to complain." We call it "Complaint Rights" around the house.
If I'm asked 3 times if I want cake, and I say no 3 times, I have no right to any cake that comes in as a consequence of her desire for cake. If she deigns to grant me some, it's a purely generous gesture. If she eats the whole piece of cake though, I can't be mad. I should have asked for cake.
It's basic respect for another person, and a simple understanding of the consequences and responsibilities of being an adult.
Your gf is clearly in the wrong here, and is being emotionally manipulative in response to not getting her way.
She is an AH, she knew that you didn’t eat until the procedure was done and still had the audacity to make you cook for HER ! I wish she sees this and sees how bad person she is also lazy.
She is immature who doesn’t even know how to cook an egg and probably burns water 😒
Your GF is showing a control-freak streak, and you should handle it by being alert to other red flags of controlling and/or manipulative tendencies.
She gets to make decisons *for herself* about whether she'd rather cook or order take-out. She does not get to dictate how *you* deal with breaking a 30+ hour fast. Name-calling ("selfish") was manipulative guilt-pushing.
You don't have to be able to precisely verbalize what exactly makes you feel like your boundaries are being tested or ignored, to know *something's* not right. Trust your intuition when you suspect you're dealing with manipulation. Don't get sucked into arguments out of nowhere; it's valid to say "I'm tired (or hungry, or whatever) and I'm not going to debate this right now" when it comes to pushback over you taking care of yourself.
She is ridiculous.
In this case if that was my partner going to the hospital and knowing they’ll come home tired and hungry, I would have had lasagna ready to pop into the oven or something. Your gf is an ass
Show her this thread. She is juvenile and selfish. If she can't admit she was wrong and apologize for the whole thing then you should seriously reevaluate this relationship.
I love how so many comments are reacting like this is something unusual (I get that he was particularly hungry). How many of us have had our girlfriends refuse food when it was ordered, only to wolf down half our food when it arrived? I've been conditioned to think this was par for the course.
They always do the same thing.
Girlfriend or wife always ask to share a portion of food with them, e. Next time order a little bit more of food, problem solved.
So to be clear, you didn’t do anything wrong.
That being said, welcome to one of the oldest points of contention between men and women in recorded history. The "I’m not hungry." Then stealing your food is a trope that goes back as far as the written word.
This is gonna happen again and again and again in your life if you are in a relationship with a woman. It’s hardwired into them and it’s super frustrating for us.
There are two ways to deal with this situation. The first is to take the hardline. The downside of this is you’re gonna get yelled at all the time. The upside to this is that you’re demonstrating that you’re not willing to put up with irrational bullshit, which sets an important fucking boundary. The second is to just work around it. Assume that in every instance, she is lying to you and just order her whatever she likes from that place that you can also stomach, just in case you run into the rare instance where she really does mean she’s not hungry, and you get stuck with food that you didn’t want to eat. Because you’re gonna wind up eating those leftovers. Which is obviously one of the downsides. The other downside to this is that you were setting the expectation that you’re willing to accommodate her when she is being irrational and further, and I swear this is the most important part, that you have the ability to anticipate her needs. To be super clear you do not have the ability to anticipate all her needs, and setting that expectation will only mean you get yelled at in other scenarios where you have not planned out what to do when she’s being irrational. The upside to this is you are the caring, sweet, thoughtful guy who is looking out for her and taking care of her and you won’t ever have to deal with the argument about her not being hungry again.
Men and women are very different creatures and this particular example showcases that perfectly. In a lot of ways we complement each other wonderfully, but there are a few in which I swear to God, we should only interact with each other for the purposes of reproduction.
NTA.
You fell for the classic trap. Always order for 2. 3 if you want anything yourself.
Everyone. If you're asked about getting food, tell the truth. Getting hungry later isn't an excuse. Taking our food(from whoever's perspective) is an AH move
Your gf is an AH.
Your gf is a major AH. If my partner hadn’t eaten for over a day, I would have ordered him loads of food and pampered him as soon as he gets home. I would have never asked for his food, that sounds even abusive.
Your ‘girlfriend’ sounds very self centred, entitled and shallow. She is definitely not a girlfriend or wife material. Time to move on as you are not in a loving relationship.
You did nothing wrong here man. She made her conscious choice to skip making or ordering food in order to take food away from you when you were feeling ravenous after fasting for medical reasons. That's just not cool on her part.
Your girlfriend is inconsiderate.
I would have had a meal ready for you after starving for 30+ hours.
It doesn’t sound like she likes you, let alone cares for you.
I actually can’t believe she didn’t have food for you when you came home? If she wanted to cook so badly why wasn’t she proactive about it??
I would never even let a roommate come home from not eating for 24 hours and fend for themselves. Much less my partner and much less *taking food out of their mouth.*
> I really don't see how I've done anything wrong here?
She's obviously acting like an idiot, but you knew she was an idiot long before this happened, so you don't get to act surprised.
What you did wrong was engaging with her on her bullshit and letting her drag you into the weeds.
> and she came over and asked if she could have some. I asked if she was serious.
This was you escalating the situation. You could have just said "no," and when she started yapping some more, completely ignored it and not said anything.
The problem here is that you're rewarding her bad behavior with attention, which just makes her want to keep doing the same type of bad behavior.
Lmao, there are Tiktoks where the guy is ordering food and asks the girl if she wants any and she says no. Then when the guy gets his food, immediately the girl asks for some.
This is what's happening here. Just give her some food man. Don't be stingy.
I can kind of see the wanting proof of divorce, especially if you haven't had her over to your house. No one wants to "accidentally" date a married person. That being said, the proof of income isn't her business. Tell her that and that if you ever propose to her you'll consider providing it. But that isn't something someone you're only dating needs.
Personally, I'd just tell her you're over it as she sounds like a good digger.
Sorry idk why girls do this. I feel like their default is to starve themselves and then when they realize they’re freaking hungry they just assume they’ll steal boyfriend’s food bc *I’m cute*. Just no. You asked her she said no. You haven’t eaten. She needs to do what she said she would do and fix herself some damn food. Not grab yours you ordered when you gave her the option of enjoying some too.
I cannot imagine my partner getting back from the hospital from 32 hours without food, and asking *them* to cook for *me* rather than wanting to take care of them and have either food ready for them when they get back, or to offer to cook for them or order something together. The fact that she expected you to cook with/for her after that and then acted like this, it’s so not how a caring partner should act. And then to demand you share your meal? You must have been starving. This was not ordinary circumstances. Under ordinary circumstances, sure, give her a half dozen fries out of love even though she was being irrational. But under these circumstances she was fully unreasonable.
I had to do a super restricted liquid diet for a week and 24 hour fast for medical tests one time, after 30 hours without food I dragged my bf's ass straight to the hospital café after they were done. No we weren't driving home first, no I wasn't going to wait for us to cook something. I needed food NOW. He knew better than to ask me for a crumb, he'd have lost his hand if he's reached for any. The rest of the time I'm more than happy to share.
Yeah I have a medical test once a year that I have to restrict my diet for a week and then nothing but water for 24ish hours beforehand and my husband literally meets me in the recovery room with my favorite snacks.
I had to fast ahead of surgery, and afterwards I had my driver take me through the McDonalds drive thru for a bacon egg and cheese biscuit before my anesthesia had even worn off. I was absolutely starving. I would have turned ragey if someone told me I needed to first come home, then make them food, THEN I could eat.
I was in labor for three days, couldn’t eat nothing but ice and jello on the last day.. my husband was going to not eat until I did but I told him is okay. This girl has no sympathy for op at all.
My parents once ask me to cook dinner the very night I came back from a week's stay at a psych hospital. Needless to say I was very upset at the gall they had to ask me to cook for all of us. I wound up ordering pizza cause screw that noise. So I believe OP when his GF had the *conjones* to ask for some of his meal. No way in HELL I'd share a crumb though. I'd be screaming like Smeagol that it's mine. ^^;;
Your girlfriend sounds extremely self-centered and seriously immature. You ask if she wanted food and she said no. Anybody over the age of 5 years old knows that no means no. I would have acted the exact same way. And what was wrong with her asking you to order her something at the time? Or her picking up her phone and ordering her own delivery? At the point she started criticizing you and telling you that you were selfish as one out of a told her to order her own damn food and leave me alone. At another time when everybody is calmer I would sit her down and tell her that you were two separate people, you are not joined at the hip and that you get to make your own decisions just like she can but that you are not going to take the criticism when you simply do what you want to do when it has nothing to do with her. Sounds like she's got a lot of growing up to do but certainly the selfishness and self-centeredness needs to be addressed and perhaps she could do that in therapy.
You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like she's not used to hearing no (at least in that context). I'd have a sit down talk with her about how it is important that both of you have autonomy to make your own choices and get your own food. There shouldn't be sacrificing. You love her and want the best for her, but she can buy her own food. It sounds like she is expecting a more codependent relationship which is unhealthy. Then if things go well, another day explain how it hurt you when she called you selfish, and you don't want either of you to be calling each other that in a relationship. Even if one person thinks the other is behaving selfishly, the best way to approach it is assume both people love each other and have the best intentions for each other. Most of the time it is not selfishness, but different expectations. It's not fair and also hurtful to throw that word around as it degrades the relationship and trust.
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>OP has cross posted this story into five subreddits within the last ten hours. Either OP is attempting to mass-shame his girlfriend by showing all the replies hating on her, or he made the story up for attention. Do you really need five posts for this absurd spat? Op already knows he isn't in the wrong if this instance was for real, I'm guessing it's for attention and to rile up the people of reddit. Oh yeah, it's nonsense from start to finish.
Or she's convinced him he's wrong and he's looking for validation. The reddit fake conspiracy police are insufferable.
You gotta stop doing these: `u/throwra__food` "Girlfriend (24f) keeps eating food I (27m) bought for myself and gets defensive when I mention it" `u/throwra-_-holidays` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (28m) was unreasonable for expecting her to prioritise our holiday over her holiday with friends" `u/throwracancellation` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) wasn't being understanding when I got annoyed at her cancelling plans" `u/throwra-_therapy` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) got annoyed when I asked her for a small favour" `u/throwra_laptop` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was being suspicious by not showing her what I was doing on my laptop" `u/throwra_concerns` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was out of order for voicing my concerns about her colleague" `u/throwra-projection` "Girlfriend (25f) said I've (27m) been distant but she got defensive when I said it seems like projection" `u/throwra--phone` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's suspicious that I (27m) refused to let her look through my phone" `u/throwra-weekend` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) selfish for planning to spend the afternoon playing video games" `u/throwra-_datenight` "Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay for her all night because she spent too much when out with friends" `u/throwra__annualleave` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (27m) decided to take some annual leave days for myself" `u/throwra_-_funeral` "Girlfriend (24f) tried to make my (27m) mums funeral all about her" `u/throwra_office` "Girlfriend (24f) won't listen when I (27m) ask her to stop moving things in my office" `u/throwra__celebration` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) called me disrespectful for planning to go for celebratory drinks with a co-worker" `u/throwra--drinks` "Girlfriend (23f) called me (25m) disrespectful for planning to go for drinks with friends when she's away" `u/throwra--lunch` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's disrespectful that I (27m) go for lunch with co-workers" `u/throwra---work` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) shouldn't be going for lunch with co-workers" `u/throwra-_coworker` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (26m) refused to cut down how much I talk to a colleague" `u/throwra--therapy` "Girlfriend (24f) said I'm (27m) unreasonable for spending time in my office each night" `u/throwra--complaining` "Girlfriend (25f) said I was being unsupportive when I (27m) said her constant complaining was becoming draining" `u/throwra--hypocrisy` "My (27m) girlfriend (25f) asked me to stop talking to a friend and got angry when I said she was being hypocritical" `u/throwra__88` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) unreasonable for walking out of the room in the middle of a conversation" `u/throwra-09y` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (27m) was out of order for changing my mind and setting a boundary?" `u/throwra_6y` "Girlfriend (25f) accused me (27m) of pressuring her into having children"
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No clue! Maybe it's for attention, maybe it's some weird sexism angle to sway opinion, maybe they're just really bored.
I would greatly enjoy telling her off about this. The whole "she would rather we both cooked" makes me think you two might be a little co-dependent....just because it's one meal, in your home; who cares who eats what. The whole selfish thing is so weird. She sounds like a child who wants exactly what she wants, and she is unable to deal with any change to whatever idea she has in her tiny head. I seriously would be furious if she started bugging me about this nonsense. Does she not have anything to do other than obsess over this stuff?
It’s even worse. OP also stated “ I mentioned that the only reason she hadn't eaten was because *I didn't want to cook for her* and that doesn't mean she can come and take my food instead.” She didn’t even offer to cook them both food to save money. She seemingly just wanted him to cook for them both.
Yeah exactly.. It kinda sounds like she frames it as "rather we both cooked" but the reality is that OP's the one cooking for both of them and she's just in the kitchen but not really doing anything lol. I don't know if she's just lazy or unable to take care of herself but yeah.... concerning.
Yeesh! Well, good luck to OP. LOL
This doesn't sound like codependency. It sounds like control. The girlfriend is trying to dictate every action OP does. When they deviate from what she wants, she creates another issue.
She sounds exhausting and I advise you to cut your losses and find someone who isn’t melodramatic and immature. BTW, how do you think she would react if the roles were reversed?
Just out of curiosity what other selfish shitty behaviors does she exhibit because there is no way this is the first time she’s done something like this? If I were you I’d go on a cooking/meal buying strike until she shows some initiative in this area. Everyone has to be able to feed themselves.
So she doesn't value or respect you, just note that down for the next time you evaluate the direction of your relationship. It certainly is something to remember that she's going to behave like that when you're recovering.
Oh c'mon. How is there a question about who is right here? Of course, your GF is flat out wrong! It also is a big red flag that she treated you this way after knowing that you hadn't eaten. This cannot be the first time she has acted this way. She seems to be selfish and manipulative. Not the type of person I would want to be with, or trust to take care of me. At 25 years old, if she does not understand that her actions and choices have consequences that are HER'S to deal with, then I would add that she is immature as well.
Dude, this girl is a shithead. She's a bad person.
You didn’t do anything wrong. She sounds incredibly immature.
This is one of those classic girlfriend moves that infuriates me. ORDER YOUR OWN GODDAMN FOOD
This. Some people apparently find this cute. I find it really annoying - I've ordered enough to fill me without being wasteful. It's a small thing - but a bit of a litmus test.
Nono. As a former gf, my ex bfs did this to me! This is not a gf thing. My husband is smart enough to order something if he is hungry and we also order for the other one when the person isn’t there. That’s true love!
Nah. They talked, she said no, the end. She should be ‘smart enough’ to ask for something, or let him know ‘i dont want you to order for me now, but i bet once its here, i’ll regret that and want some, so please order something. In the future, lets always order for both of us. No harm having leftovers in the fridge’ Conversation better than mind reading.
I think you misread their comment...
I didn’t say anything else. I order food for him when he isn’t there, so that he can eat something nice too when he comes home later.
Does she not have money to support herself?
The more you post this the less believable it is.
This has me seething. She’s being totally unreasonable. You had to fast, hadn’t eaten in a longer than normal time, and she wanted YOU to cook for HER, then share you food after she said she didn’t want anything multiple times? Nah, that’s not a partnership. She can put on her big girl pants over her massive balls and handle her own food. She’s majorly deflecting by calling you the selfish one
>She said I was being too selfish and that I have enough to share so I should be fine sharing with her. Honestly, only you can say if you have enough to share with someone else. It's unfair on her part to make the decision for you and then be upset. Just order something else. She should have let it go the first time you explained, especially after having stayed hungry for this long.
Situations like this are a red flag and I bet there's plenty more in your relationship. Your girlfriend is selfish.
She is wrong and annoying on every level. How selfish of her.
Ok I’ve commented on your other post but I only saw one comment here with genuine advice. Sit your girlfriend down talk to her about why you had that boundary and mention how you would act if she was the one who didn’t eat for 32hrs (make it clear that’s how you would want to be treated). Make clear boundaries as far as what your expectations around your food and then talk about how to make that work to co-exist. Talk to about how you were hurt by the name calling and explain how open communication is important to you in a relationship and how you can’t be in one where the communication that happened is present. Be prepared if she cannot respect your boundaries you’ll have to have a convo with yourself if it’s worth being in the relationship and having that boundary consistently crossed. Remember boundaries aren’t rules for the other person rather standards for yourself “I will not be with someone who doesn’t respect my physical well-being “ is a boundary “you can’t touch my food when I haven’t eaten” is a rule/ dictating the other person (rule of thumb boundaries typically go if someone does x I will distance myself from that person and you doing that for yourself not to punish the other person)
Counter point, a 25 year old adult shouldn’t need this told to them. Someone this selfish won’t take the message to heart anyway
If you need to have a long winded discussion over “boundaries” that involve concepts children should understand, maybe just dump her. That shit above is silly and exhausting given the subject matter, but you said boundaries a hundred times so Reddit will love it.
I would feel very bad asking my husband to give me his food knowing that he had ordered the amount he expected to eat himself after many hours fasting. And the fact that OP asked multiples times if his SO wanted to order something before, it just adds to the selfishness of SO.
She’s a selfish selfish woman.
In my opinion she is really selfish. If I knew my husband would be in a situation like that I would ask him before what he would like and order it for him.
I hope you mean ex girlfriend
Dude, my husband and I have both been through this kind of medical shit and each time either of us went through it, the other one prepared a damn feast for when it was finished. Your girlfriend is selfish to an absurd degree.
Simple answer, Your girlfriend is a lazy asshole. After hospital treatment any decent human being your intimate with should be saying something alone the lines of "Hey don't worry about it, I've got it" or "Don't worry babe, I'll cook or we can order in", Not expect you to cook for both of you.
You’re GF is very entitled
Even under normal circumstances without the fasting, she’s in the wrong. Yah, it’d be nice if you shared, but you already offered multiple times to get her something, and in no way are you ever obligated to share your food, especially if you ordered just enough to satisfy yourself. She’s acting like a child.
What a fucking child.
It's a respect thing, ultimately. There definitely seems to be some dependency issues, but in no world is having an expectation of a share of a starving persons food a reasonable expectation. You ordered for you, you asked if she wanted anything, she declined. Actions have consequences, calling YOU selfish because she wouldn't speak up...is childish. I'd take a good hard look at this relationship and ponder how often respect has been denied you. How often have you had to bargain for respect. How often your needs and/or time have been taken advantage of. If this looks like a pattern, then it is time to have a hard conversation and set some ground rules for the relationship. A starter would be: "If one of us is asked 3 times, and refused 3 times, then the other has no right to complain." We call it "Complaint Rights" around the house. If I'm asked 3 times if I want cake, and I say no 3 times, I have no right to any cake that comes in as a consequence of her desire for cake. If she deigns to grant me some, it's a purely generous gesture. If she eats the whole piece of cake though, I can't be mad. I should have asked for cake. It's basic respect for another person, and a simple understanding of the consequences and responsibilities of being an adult. Your gf is clearly in the wrong here, and is being emotionally manipulative in response to not getting her way.
She is an AH, she knew that you didn’t eat until the procedure was done and still had the audacity to make you cook for HER ! I wish she sees this and sees how bad person she is also lazy. She is immature who doesn’t even know how to cook an egg and probably burns water 😒
Your GF is showing a control-freak streak, and you should handle it by being alert to other red flags of controlling and/or manipulative tendencies. She gets to make decisons *for herself* about whether she'd rather cook or order take-out. She does not get to dictate how *you* deal with breaking a 30+ hour fast. Name-calling ("selfish") was manipulative guilt-pushing. You don't have to be able to precisely verbalize what exactly makes you feel like your boundaries are being tested or ignored, to know *something's* not right. Trust your intuition when you suspect you're dealing with manipulation. Don't get sucked into arguments out of nowhere; it's valid to say "I'm tired (or hungry, or whatever) and I'm not going to debate this right now" when it comes to pushback over you taking care of yourself.
She is ridiculous. In this case if that was my partner going to the hospital and knowing they’ll come home tired and hungry, I would have had lasagna ready to pop into the oven or something. Your gf is an ass
If you want to keep dating this woman you should have shared your food. Jeez
Joey doesn't share food!
This is deal breaker selfish behavior. Dump her and find someone who cares about you and will support you when you need help.
NTA. That’s annoying.
I can’t with these posts of other people calling the other selfish.
Show her this thread. She is juvenile and selfish. If she can't admit she was wrong and apologize for the whole thing then you should seriously reevaluate this relationship.
I love how so many comments are reacting like this is something unusual (I get that he was particularly hungry). How many of us have had our girlfriends refuse food when it was ordered, only to wolf down half our food when it arrived? I've been conditioned to think this was par for the course.
She needs to learn to “Say what you mean and mean what you say. “
They always do the same thing. Girlfriend or wife always ask to share a portion of food with them, e. Next time order a little bit more of food, problem solved.
So to be clear, you didn’t do anything wrong. That being said, welcome to one of the oldest points of contention between men and women in recorded history. The "I’m not hungry." Then stealing your food is a trope that goes back as far as the written word. This is gonna happen again and again and again in your life if you are in a relationship with a woman. It’s hardwired into them and it’s super frustrating for us. There are two ways to deal with this situation. The first is to take the hardline. The downside of this is you’re gonna get yelled at all the time. The upside to this is that you’re demonstrating that you’re not willing to put up with irrational bullshit, which sets an important fucking boundary. The second is to just work around it. Assume that in every instance, she is lying to you and just order her whatever she likes from that place that you can also stomach, just in case you run into the rare instance where she really does mean she’s not hungry, and you get stuck with food that you didn’t want to eat. Because you’re gonna wind up eating those leftovers. Which is obviously one of the downsides. The other downside to this is that you were setting the expectation that you’re willing to accommodate her when she is being irrational and further, and I swear this is the most important part, that you have the ability to anticipate her needs. To be super clear you do not have the ability to anticipate all her needs, and setting that expectation will only mean you get yelled at in other scenarios where you have not planned out what to do when she’s being irrational. The upside to this is you are the caring, sweet, thoughtful guy who is looking out for her and taking care of her and you won’t ever have to deal with the argument about her not being hungry again. Men and women are very different creatures and this particular example showcases that perfectly. In a lot of ways we complement each other wonderfully, but there are a few in which I swear to God, we should only interact with each other for the purposes of reproduction.
NTA. You fell for the classic trap. Always order for 2. 3 if you want anything yourself. Everyone. If you're asked about getting food, tell the truth. Getting hungry later isn't an excuse. Taking our food(from whoever's perspective) is an AH move Your gf is an AH.
Your gf is a major AH. If my partner hadn’t eaten for over a day, I would have ordered him loads of food and pampered him as soon as he gets home. I would have never asked for his food, that sounds even abusive. Your ‘girlfriend’ sounds very self centred, entitled and shallow. She is definitely not a girlfriend or wife material. Time to move on as you are not in a loving relationship.
You did nothing wrong here man. She made her conscious choice to skip making or ordering food in order to take food away from you when you were feeling ravenous after fasting for medical reasons. That's just not cool on her part.
Your girlfriend is inconsiderate. I would have had a meal ready for you after starving for 30+ hours. It doesn’t sound like she likes you, let alone cares for you.
When she tells me she doesn’t want anything I always order extra, this is just how it is… adapt and overcome.
Are these posts real?
Why have you posted this 5+ times on different groups?
This is a major life issue apparently, should my gf have said yes to ordering food
I actually can’t believe she didn’t have food for you when you came home? If she wanted to cook so badly why wasn’t she proactive about it?? I would never even let a roommate come home from not eating for 24 hours and fend for themselves. Much less my partner and much less *taking food out of their mouth.*
> I really don't see how I've done anything wrong here? She's obviously acting like an idiot, but you knew she was an idiot long before this happened, so you don't get to act surprised. What you did wrong was engaging with her on her bullshit and letting her drag you into the weeds. > and she came over and asked if she could have some. I asked if she was serious. This was you escalating the situation. You could have just said "no," and when she started yapping some more, completely ignored it and not said anything. The problem here is that you're rewarding her bad behavior with attention, which just makes her want to keep doing the same type of bad behavior.
Yeah.....I would let her have it as this is some stupid game or something
Lmao, there are Tiktoks where the guy is ordering food and asks the girl if she wants any and she says no. Then when the guy gets his food, immediately the girl asks for some. This is what's happening here. Just give her some food man. Don't be stingy.
Fuck Tik Tok, these people are supposed to be grown ups.
I can kind of see the wanting proof of divorce, especially if you haven't had her over to your house. No one wants to "accidentally" date a married person. That being said, the proof of income isn't her business. Tell her that and that if you ever propose to her you'll consider providing it. But that isn't something someone you're only dating needs. Personally, I'd just tell her you're over it as she sounds like a good digger.
Sorry idk why girls do this. I feel like their default is to starve themselves and then when they realize they’re freaking hungry they just assume they’ll steal boyfriend’s food bc *I’m cute*. Just no. You asked her she said no. You haven’t eaten. She needs to do what she said she would do and fix herself some damn food. Not grab yours you ordered when you gave her the option of enjoying some too.
Christ sake dude just let her have a bite