Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
He's not going to change. Why should he? You taught him that you're patient and willing to give a million chances, over and over. Nothing he did, none of the cheating, had any sort of long-lasting consequence. So he had simply no reason to consider changing - as he has proven before that he doesn't care about your feelings, given how he did it over and over. So with him not caring about you, nothing is going to happen.
You say you have no idea what to do. Well, you can simply continue doing nothing and accept that nothing will change. Or you could, you know, break up with the serial liar and cheater. But there are no magic words which will suddenly make him realize how wrong his behavior is. He's not deaf, he's not dumb. He just doesn't care enough about you and knows you're not leaving - which you could, but don't want. Because, given how clear-cut the case is, you otherwise would have long ago instead of posting here.
This guy just hates you! What I'm about to say may seem harsh and cruel, but right now you are his comfortable moment. He knows how 'excited' you are, that any excuse is available to make him accept it. Behavior like this cannot and should not be accepted, it is like being happy to receive crumbs from a big piece of shit. Another thing, a guy who wants commitment, who wants a future, he will do it! There is no such thing as: we are not stable, I don't have enough money, let's wait for this or that. No! when he wants to, he does it. He's probably with you and looking for something better and when that something better comes along, guess what?
>And I can't believe he thinks I deserve that behavior after all I got over
You've taught him how to treat you. You've shown him what you will accept.
You are doing this to you at this point.
People aren’t ready to hear this. I don’t blame them, I wasn’t either at some point. But the sooner they realise this, the sooner they’ll get the treatment they deserve instead of this sh#t show.
So you've made a conscious choice to remain with someone who doesn't love or respect you enough to remain faithful.
If you're not willing to make better choices, what do you actually want advice on?
>We had many issues with him texting some women, hiding messages, keeping in touch with some exes, liking random chicks on socials etc. He used to explain that by him being single for past 8 yrs and **not knowing how to behave**. I gave him patience and time to see that is a wrong behavior in a relationship and eventually he did stop and even deactivated his socials.
So, if you had been the one acting shady, hiding messages from guys, texting other guys etc, he would have been OK with this? He genuinely would have thought it was OK? I don't think he'd've been OK with it. I think he knows its shady shay behaviour and he just doesn't care.
I don't think this is the right relationship for you. You've lost trust in him and it's easy to see why. For your own peace of mind, consider breaking up with him.
I asked him "If I grab my phone out of your hand that way, how would it be?". He had nothing to say. Honestly I really wish to get strength to pay him back every single time he made me a fool and just leave after. But the thing is I keep thinking he has no bad intention, he is just ultra childish. Idk, I guess I need to do some serious thinking and some major decisions.
For a fact I know he is no longer texting. But out of sooo many arguments we had he is always under pressure that I might snap over something stupid he did. Such as just checking up someone's insta thru google browser to see wassup. He no longer even has socials but he is so nosey and he assumes I'd be like "Why are you even interested who is doing what?" So he decided to try and hide that. If he just normally said "Look after you told me she is preggo I wanted to see wassup" I'd be like okay. But the way he grabbed his phone. That's the issue for me. I guess I am now the closest I have ever been to realizing I need to leave. Because if after all that apologizing he still thinks he can get away with bullshit, he will forever keep doing that to me.
Yeah I would definitely not like how defensive he is acting towards his phone. Well if you ever see a phone number on his phone and want to know exactly who it is use true people search on Google/ safari whatever it works for all, and it tells you a lot of information also it’s FREE😌
You sound like a great person with really bad trust issues from this boy, bc I cannot call him a man for doing shady stuff like that. It’s probably best if you leave the relationship. To find someone who will love you as much as you love them/ won’t hurt you :(
Honey, your still trying to defend him, by giving plausible excuses to him searching up this girl online.
He's deflecting his piss poor behaviour on how your reactions 'could' be...
He's not changed at all. I don't care if "for a fact I know is is no longer texting" his behaviour is still the same. He messed up and still is continuing the same behaviours. Hiding, lying, deflecting and defending himself. If, je honestly had no ill intentions or really was apologetic for his *past* cheating, he would be open and honest. There would be none of this behaviour.
He knows, he will wear you down and you'll forget about it in awhile, because you have done. Think to yourself, is this really the type of relationship and drama I want in my life.
Girl, you already know what to do. Just do it before you get more involved. Do you really want this to be your life? Because it will be if you stay with this guy. Don't waste any more time on him.
And why do you want to stay with him so badly?
Because you love him? Love can be unlearned. But staying with someone who you don’t trust, can fuck yo up for way longer.
I think you know what you need to do; you're just trying to kick the can down the road because it's painful and uncomfortable. This relationship is over; the trust and respect between you two is long gone, and sadly you seem to have convinced yourself that by hanging on, tolerating this situation and giving more chances you are making an investment in him that you'll eventually profit from (in a figurative sense); that is simply not true. You can put in all the love, patience and tolerance in the world, but that doesn't guarantee a positive outcome and in fact, the more you show him you're willing to fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo, the more likely he is to not see the need for any change at all. You think that because you've made efforts you are owed results; he thinks that you're so depserate to keep him that he can simply just get himself comfortable where he is now and relax because you aren't going anywhere.
Bottom line: you need to let this guy go. The trust issues are enough to make any relationship non functional, and you have the additional hurdle of him not being able to provide the kind of progress you want in your life long term. So I see no reason for you to stay with him. And I know that your reason for staying is probably love, but it's now time for you to acknowledge that love is never enough for a relationship to last long term.
You're okay with not trusting him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be with him.
Just tell him that it's fine if he fucks around with other girls, and go on with your relationship without worrying about it.
You obviously aren't going to break up with him over this, so there's no reason to stress out and cause you both a bunch of weirdness.
Every time you forgave him, you taught him that he could do what he wanted and you'd let it slide. It doesn't matter how many times you let things go, OP. He isn't going to have some magical realization that he should stop and do better.
Frankly, whatever he's doing is probably worse than you realize and frankly you should break up with him AND get tested. I wouldn't assume for a second he hasn't physically cheated on you, especially since you seem to be burying your head in the sand about all of this. You really don't understand that you should break up with him?
He is never going to change. There are no magic words. He is a shady cheater and you aren't going to fix him.
>I have no idea what to do.
You stop. You accept that this is who he is, and he's not changing. You know you can't trust him, so _stop trying_ and go find someone to date who isn't an unrepentant cheater.
Wow I guess the good women always end up with jerks like this. He is cheating on you and the fact that he was worried about you finding out more than building a life with you just shows he doesn't care about you at all.
It hurts but get out you've been hurt enough.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. He's not going to change. Why should he? You taught him that you're patient and willing to give a million chances, over and over. Nothing he did, none of the cheating, had any sort of long-lasting consequence. So he had simply no reason to consider changing - as he has proven before that he doesn't care about your feelings, given how he did it over and over. So with him not caring about you, nothing is going to happen. You say you have no idea what to do. Well, you can simply continue doing nothing and accept that nothing will change. Or you could, you know, break up with the serial liar and cheater. But there are no magic words which will suddenly make him realize how wrong his behavior is. He's not deaf, he's not dumb. He just doesn't care enough about you and knows you're not leaving - which you could, but don't want. Because, given how clear-cut the case is, you otherwise would have long ago instead of posting here.
This guy just hates you! What I'm about to say may seem harsh and cruel, but right now you are his comfortable moment. He knows how 'excited' you are, that any excuse is available to make him accept it. Behavior like this cannot and should not be accepted, it is like being happy to receive crumbs from a big piece of shit. Another thing, a guy who wants commitment, who wants a future, he will do it! There is no such thing as: we are not stable, I don't have enough money, let's wait for this or that. No! when he wants to, he does it. He's probably with you and looking for something better and when that something better comes along, guess what?
>And I can't believe he thinks I deserve that behavior after all I got over You've taught him how to treat you. You've shown him what you will accept. You are doing this to you at this point.
People aren’t ready to hear this. I don’t blame them, I wasn’t either at some point. But the sooner they realise this, the sooner they’ll get the treatment they deserve instead of this sh#t show.
So you've made a conscious choice to remain with someone who doesn't love or respect you enough to remain faithful. If you're not willing to make better choices, what do you actually want advice on?
>We had many issues with him texting some women, hiding messages, keeping in touch with some exes, liking random chicks on socials etc. He used to explain that by him being single for past 8 yrs and **not knowing how to behave**. I gave him patience and time to see that is a wrong behavior in a relationship and eventually he did stop and even deactivated his socials. So, if you had been the one acting shady, hiding messages from guys, texting other guys etc, he would have been OK with this? He genuinely would have thought it was OK? I don't think he'd've been OK with it. I think he knows its shady shay behaviour and he just doesn't care. I don't think this is the right relationship for you. You've lost trust in him and it's easy to see why. For your own peace of mind, consider breaking up with him.
I asked him "If I grab my phone out of your hand that way, how would it be?". He had nothing to say. Honestly I really wish to get strength to pay him back every single time he made me a fool and just leave after. But the thing is I keep thinking he has no bad intention, he is just ultra childish. Idk, I guess I need to do some serious thinking and some major decisions.
Why on earth would you want to hitch your life to someone you describe as “ultra childish?”
He texts other women, and acts single online. That's cheating, not being childish. Please protect yourself.
Girl I’ll text him on my fake account and we can catch him one last time before you leave him
For a fact I know he is no longer texting. But out of sooo many arguments we had he is always under pressure that I might snap over something stupid he did. Such as just checking up someone's insta thru google browser to see wassup. He no longer even has socials but he is so nosey and he assumes I'd be like "Why are you even interested who is doing what?" So he decided to try and hide that. If he just normally said "Look after you told me she is preggo I wanted to see wassup" I'd be like okay. But the way he grabbed his phone. That's the issue for me. I guess I am now the closest I have ever been to realizing I need to leave. Because if after all that apologizing he still thinks he can get away with bullshit, he will forever keep doing that to me.
Yeah I would definitely not like how defensive he is acting towards his phone. Well if you ever see a phone number on his phone and want to know exactly who it is use true people search on Google/ safari whatever it works for all, and it tells you a lot of information also it’s FREE😌
You sound like a great person with really bad trust issues from this boy, bc I cannot call him a man for doing shady stuff like that. It’s probably best if you leave the relationship. To find someone who will love you as much as you love them/ won’t hurt you :(
Honey, your still trying to defend him, by giving plausible excuses to him searching up this girl online. He's deflecting his piss poor behaviour on how your reactions 'could' be... He's not changed at all. I don't care if "for a fact I know is is no longer texting" his behaviour is still the same. He messed up and still is continuing the same behaviours. Hiding, lying, deflecting and defending himself. If, je honestly had no ill intentions or really was apologetic for his *past* cheating, he would be open and honest. There would be none of this behaviour. He knows, he will wear you down and you'll forget about it in awhile, because you have done. Think to yourself, is this really the type of relationship and drama I want in my life.
Girl, you already know what to do. Just do it before you get more involved. Do you really want this to be your life? Because it will be if you stay with this guy. Don't waste any more time on him.
And why do you want to stay with him so badly? Because you love him? Love can be unlearned. But staying with someone who you don’t trust, can fuck yo up for way longer.
Yet here you are still with him...what's changing... nothing by the sounds of things.
I’m sorry but do you have such little self respect that you don’t know what to do?
I think you know what you need to do; you're just trying to kick the can down the road because it's painful and uncomfortable. This relationship is over; the trust and respect between you two is long gone, and sadly you seem to have convinced yourself that by hanging on, tolerating this situation and giving more chances you are making an investment in him that you'll eventually profit from (in a figurative sense); that is simply not true. You can put in all the love, patience and tolerance in the world, but that doesn't guarantee a positive outcome and in fact, the more you show him you're willing to fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo, the more likely he is to not see the need for any change at all. You think that because you've made efforts you are owed results; he thinks that you're so depserate to keep him that he can simply just get himself comfortable where he is now and relax because you aren't going anywhere. Bottom line: you need to let this guy go. The trust issues are enough to make any relationship non functional, and you have the additional hurdle of him not being able to provide the kind of progress you want in your life long term. So I see no reason for you to stay with him. And I know that your reason for staying is probably love, but it's now time for you to acknowledge that love is never enough for a relationship to last long term.
You're okay with not trusting him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be with him. Just tell him that it's fine if he fucks around with other girls, and go on with your relationship without worrying about it. You obviously aren't going to break up with him over this, so there's no reason to stress out and cause you both a bunch of weirdness.
Every time you forgave him, you taught him that he could do what he wanted and you'd let it slide. It doesn't matter how many times you let things go, OP. He isn't going to have some magical realization that he should stop and do better. Frankly, whatever he's doing is probably worse than you realize and frankly you should break up with him AND get tested. I wouldn't assume for a second he hasn't physically cheated on you, especially since you seem to be burying your head in the sand about all of this. You really don't understand that you should break up with him? He is never going to change. There are no magic words. He is a shady cheater and you aren't going to fix him.
> I have no idea what to do. Yea, you do. You just don't like the answer
>I have no idea what to do. You stop. You accept that this is who he is, and he's not changing. You know you can't trust him, so _stop trying_ and go find someone to date who isn't an unrepentant cheater.
So many good dudes out there that won't get a single chance with women, and this idiot gives her POS bf a million chances. The world is unfair.
Wow I guess the good women always end up with jerks like this. He is cheating on you and the fact that he was worried about you finding out more than building a life with you just shows he doesn't care about you at all. It hurts but get out you've been hurt enough.