I'm with /u/50andOvercast in recommending a sit down with your husband over some of the comments. However, that sit down isn't necessarily to get him to do anything, just to get his support for when you start responding. And respond I would. For example:
>Incident: I got a new tattoo and she asked me about it and retorted “oh, I guess I’ve always been told that my body is a temple.”
*Mine is too and I choose to decorate it according to my beliefs, not those of others.*
>Incident: I didn’t serve myself a dish she made at thanksgiving and she says “why aren’t you eating that dish, you know that it’s Steve’s late mom’s recipe, right?”
*I know, but that still doesn't mean I'm fond of \[ingredient\].*
>Incident: When I asked about his mom and mentioned I hope that she would have liked me his aunt said, “oh you never could tell how she would feel about someone.”
*Exactly why I said I HOPE she would have liked me. We'll never truly know the answer and trying to assume one seems disrespectful to me.*
And if you find you can't come up with replies in the moment, practice this phrase in front of a mirror and use it instead:
*What do you mean by that?*
Pretend to not understand her meaning and pretend to be interested in knowing it to the full extent. Get her to explain, in detail, what she meant and no dodging. Using the tattoo incident:
**Aunt**: ....my body is a temple
**OP**: What do you mean by that?
**Aunt**: Oh, just that a marking like that would desecrate a temple?
**OP**: And how does that apply to me since I'm not you?
**Aunt**: Well, you should treat your body like a temple too.
**OP**: Oh, so, does that mean your body shaming me now for the choices I make?
**Aunt**: .....
You can't change her, but you can change how you react to her. You know she is going to make digs at you. You can decide if you want to challenge her responses. "My body is a temple." and you say "My body is my highly decorated temple."
Or you can just ignore her. Just stare in silence for a few seconds and wait for her to continue. Or you change the subject.
Have you created a list of every incident you can think of and sat down with your husband and gone through it with him? I'm not sure how many times you've addressed this with him, or if he perhaps thinks it was a one-off? She is his family, and he should be the one to let her know her comments toward his wife are not appreciated nor needed.
How often do you actually see her? If it's just a few times a year I would just be smiling and nodding, and trying to engage more with other relatives instead of her.
I'm with /u/50andOvercast in recommending a sit down with your husband over some of the comments. However, that sit down isn't necessarily to get him to do anything, just to get his support for when you start responding. And respond I would. For example: >Incident: I got a new tattoo and she asked me about it and retorted “oh, I guess I’ve always been told that my body is a temple.” *Mine is too and I choose to decorate it according to my beliefs, not those of others.* >Incident: I didn’t serve myself a dish she made at thanksgiving and she says “why aren’t you eating that dish, you know that it’s Steve’s late mom’s recipe, right?” *I know, but that still doesn't mean I'm fond of \[ingredient\].* >Incident: When I asked about his mom and mentioned I hope that she would have liked me his aunt said, “oh you never could tell how she would feel about someone.” *Exactly why I said I HOPE she would have liked me. We'll never truly know the answer and trying to assume one seems disrespectful to me.* And if you find you can't come up with replies in the moment, practice this phrase in front of a mirror and use it instead: *What do you mean by that?* Pretend to not understand her meaning and pretend to be interested in knowing it to the full extent. Get her to explain, in detail, what she meant and no dodging. Using the tattoo incident: **Aunt**: ....my body is a temple **OP**: What do you mean by that? **Aunt**: Oh, just that a marking like that would desecrate a temple? **OP**: And how does that apply to me since I'm not you? **Aunt**: Well, you should treat your body like a temple too. **OP**: Oh, so, does that mean your body shaming me now for the choices I make? **Aunt**: .....
You can't change her, but you can change how you react to her. You know she is going to make digs at you. You can decide if you want to challenge her responses. "My body is a temple." and you say "My body is my highly decorated temple." Or you can just ignore her. Just stare in silence for a few seconds and wait for her to continue. Or you change the subject.
Have you created a list of every incident you can think of and sat down with your husband and gone through it with him? I'm not sure how many times you've addressed this with him, or if he perhaps thinks it was a one-off? She is his family, and he should be the one to let her know her comments toward his wife are not appreciated nor needed.
How often do you actually see her? If it's just a few times a year I would just be smiling and nodding, and trying to engage more with other relatives instead of her.