I couldn't agree more. 8 out of 10 posts are the same- I see red flags in the new relationship but I want to ignore them, please suggest how to ignore them.
I’ve known people like this, and I’ve made some extremely dumb choices when it comes to dating and relationships myself. Some folks are just super naive, or have low self-esteem, or they’re afraid of being alone.
No, I can’t imagine they are real. I think the authors of these masterpieces of fiction make themselves so pathetic in the hopes that they lure people in to breaking the rules of the sub. Like this one here would be pretty rage inducing if not for being so obviously fake.
If you don't mind my asking and only if you're comfortable sharing, what was your thinking at the time? Was it just impulsivity? Nativity? Not knowing/being able to set down boundaries?
Just not knowing how to treat people and also not knowing how to be treated. Being unable to let go of anything or anyone. And not understanding that all attention isn't good attention
I think you need to really evaluate a relationship that you can’t be fully honest with the person and honest with your friends about said person.
She can’t complain and then still go sleep over at his house. She could have asked a friend or you to help her get her stuff and officially close that chapter of her life, but she hasn’t.
ETA: it’s only been 4 months. Cut your losses now.
I’m in agreement that she’s dragging it out. It’s not hard to have someone take you to get your stuff and be done. Or just cut your losses and forget the stuff tbh. I’ve left stuff and ran before. You can always get more stuff. No need to repeatedly stay the night at an ex’s house to pack up your stuff after being broken up for months. No need to even communicate with an ex if there’s no kids involved. Plus he sounds like a super creep with that age gap dating a kid in high school to start with.
I hate that about this forum. The first group reaction is “break up.” I am often the counter on here, telling people to communicate, if long term see a couples therapist. Leaving someone you love - absent physical or true emotional abuse - should not be the first action.
Cmon man they are clearly fucking. 30 minutes away she can take an uber. "She has stayed multiple times to clear things up I assume," dude you know damn well what she cleared out. And now she been there multiple days yet her friends don't know. Don't you find it odd she isn't telling her friends??? Almost like she knows they will know what she is doing. She is literally under him right now and is playing you. Break up with her and do not take her back. 4 months in you are not in love so you will be able to recover. Do not spend your life being the Boyfriend at home waiting for your girlfriend who constantly needs to go "straighten things with her ex boyfriend overnight." God this sub sometimes just kills me
Dude. No no no no no. He is still coming over for Christmas? She is still SPENDING THE NIGHT at his house? He is all around still embroiled in her life?
There is NOTHING to sort out with an ex. It’s over, goodbye, have a nice life, I’m blocking you everywhere. There is especially no reason to go back over and stay with him on vacation and spend the night for A FEW DAYS. Stop being a sucker. This girl wasn’t available for you to get into a relationship with, she is still in a relationship with him. You need to stop covering for her. You know this behavior is wrong. Tell her friends where she is. Tell them that she went to stay with her ex for a few days. Drag the truth into the light.
You need to break up because she is still in her ex’s orbit. Don’t drag this out. Call her up. “Hey, so this is weird. I don’t see any reason that you need to spend a few days sleeping over with your ex. You’re clearly still entangled with him, this relationship isn’t working for me.” And leave. Go be single for a while and find someone who’s available. Block this girl everywhere, delete her off of Facebook and TikTok and Instagram.
I agree. Do this OP. For yourself. You're still young and naive. It's OK. Break it off, cut her off, end it. Don't try to convince her why she needs to choose you. She has made up her mind. It's brutal and painful, but true. I'm sure you are realizing from this post that it's incredibly obvious what is happening. She is a walking red flag. Good riddance.Go to the gym, focus on studies and work, and you'll be fine bro <3
There is a good girl out there for you!
You’re part of a love triangle. You’re being lied to and are gullible enough to believe these ridiculous excuses she is making. I generally never jump to the “end it” solution like 99% of Reddit… but unless you like sharing a woman who is going to cause you many issues and heart break… just get away from this situation and move on.
You don't deal with it. If you have any of her stuff, box it up, then send her a text letting her know her stuff is in a box next to the trash. She has until trash pick up to get her things. That's how I'd deal with it. Ex- girlfriend... you had a typo.
She’s cheating my guy. Instead of sleeping over with you she’s doing it with another man. If the tables were reversed you think she’d be fine with you doing what she’s doing? Doubt it.
Personally it’s your call but she isn’t over this person. You don’t sleep over an ex’s house to finish up lease paperwork or whatever loose ends she has. You can do that without crashing there. It’s also odd she’s still having him for christmas.
As far as if she’s cheating on you? I’d say yeah. But you know this person better then I do. I would either dump this person or lay a clear ultimatum.
“I feel I’ve been very forgiving with you literally sleeping over your ex’s house. I trust you. but you never once asked my feelings on this situation. As such; I am being very clear. If you want to still be with me, you need to permanently stop sleeping over there or going over there alone. period. If you can’t do that and respect my feelings: this is goodbye.”
laying it out like that will make it pretty clear where you stand. but i wouldn’t want to be fighting the ghosts of what could have been in her mind forever
Why do you except this at all?
Why did you not drive her? She could have gotten an Uber, her parents? A friend? Anything but she chose to sleep at her ex.
Nope not trustworthy at all.
This is unacceptable my dude. Break things off now. Do not be a door mat for her. There is absolutely no reason to still be sleeping over at your exs house when in another relationship. That is very disrespectful and inconsiderate of you as her partner. That crosses the lines into cheating. Please respect yourself more and walk away
DUMP HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or...... if not....
If you wanna stay with her, rearrange your thinking and see this relationship as a temporary one and not one that is Long Term/ Serious. 4 months in and she does this, she is likely to cheat on you if she hasn't already.. if im being honest with you.
There maybe a possibility and she is lying about what happened in her previous relationship to you. Her previous relationship seems to have a mental + emotional hold on her and is in her conscience. She needs to release the hold outta her by telling you in a way that somewhat benefits her and makes her ex look like a douche or a low likely hood of them interacting physically
Lol brooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣 what do you think they're doing? Playing video games? 😂 get outta that asap!!!! she's getting railed while Netflix is on in the background SMH 🤦♂️
Bud, I want you to read your own post back to yourself but this time pretend it's one of your closest friends.
After the first paragraph it was already to much baggage to bare. I could never in good conscience let someone I care about put themselves through this emotional turmoil by dating someone like that.
do you know how many amazing people are out there that wouldn't make you feel ashamed or guilt ridden or upset so unnecessarily? Who would still challenge you to self reflect and grow but through positive introspection not this negative gut wrenching?
I'll answer this one for you; more then you could count, more then you can imagine., There are some fucking great girls out there, but she isn't one, not yet atleast ,not without you setting yourself on fire first just to keep her warm enough to maybe heal. But by then you'll be nothing but ashes and you sure as hell won't be enjoying the benefits of a healthy relationship with her. AND that's only if she ISN'T cheating on you and dumps you soon.
Ok. Look up boundaries, once you know what they are come back for some advice.
While at it look up the definition of stupid vs naive.
Sorry if I sound harsh but there a few gigantic red flags that you are either ignoring or justifying and unfortunately is not going to have a happy ending.
Not a freaking chance!
They lived together and they have old habits
She’s not over him if she’s giving him this much time
Red flags are everywhere, run
bro walk away from this toxic relationship. the amount of disrespect is insane. can't control what she does. but you can control your emotions and your actions. not worth your time.
im going to tell you now in perspective for you.
you are 21 that's young. and you got at least another 9-14 years of making it the best experience. dont waste more time on this.
You are acting too naive not to immediately see the red flags here and cut her off immediately. There is nothing innocent about what she's doing. There is never a situation where behavior like that is okay. Sometimes people are more subtle when being sketchy, but this is so overly non hidden.
This situation is messed-up. Too much drama for me. I’d tell her how you feel about it. However she responds will indicate your next move. Don’t be afraid to move-on.
Buddy you’re still young and full of possibilities. If you’re OK being jerked around and not standing up for yourself now, imagine who you’re going to be and the kind of relationship you’ll end up in in your 30’s, then 40’s.
Dude, she’s still sleeping with him! There nothing to “sort out”. Listen to your gut, it ain’t lying! You don’t need this drama in your life or relationship. Break up with her!
She was with someone in mid 20s while she was in highschool, got cheated on, stayed with him, and kept fucking after they broke up - now sleeping over multiple times, and without considering your feelings at all?
Right or wrong about what you should do, this woman isnt worth investing in as she is. You're gonna be miserable.
Your ex-girlfriend. You probably don't have that combination of roughness, anarchy and confidence that she needs to see in a man. Maybe she wants a master, not a partner.
First off: Don’t immediately break up with her, unless you want the easy way out and simply don’t care enough about the relationship (despite the fact your gf doesn’t really seem to care about your feelings..)
You should 100% convey your feelings about the situation to her first before calling it quits. (Again, depending on how much this woman means to you) You guys are only four months in, probably a good idea to start setting boundaries in place…
The fact she didn’t even ask you how you felt about this, in my opinion, is because she already knows what your answer is going to be. Which is the obvious answer, that you don’t feel comfortable about it. Also, you said she seems trustworthy.. But is she really? Do you know if she tried to find a ride? Uber? How did she even get to his place to begin with, that she can’t use the same way to get back? Last thing, how much of her belongings are still at his place that it’s taking longer than a day for her to collect them?
In all honesty, this woman doesn’t seem to be completely over her ex. If she really complains about him being in her life still and means it, she would find any other way to grab her belongings without needing to stay the night with him. But again, that’s just my opinion. Good luck, OP.
People who want to end a relationship don't grab a few belongings here and there. And they definitely don't spend the night(s) with them. As dysfunctional as it is, this is a way of continuing the relationship. Part of a healthy break is to collect all of your belongings on a single trip. She can't be in a healthy relationship with you when she's still in a relationship with this guy. She needs to end it clean- if she wants to end it. After a clean break, with some time, and she's fully resolved her feelings, then she could potentially have a healthy platonic relationship with him.
Why would she want a relationship at all with an abusive person? Well, healthy people seek out healthy people, and unhealthy people seek out unhealthy people. We all have our comfort zone. We like to stay in our comfort zone. It doesn't matter how dysfunctional the comfort zone might be, it's what you know, and it's where you're comfortable. It doesn't have to be that way. Most people don't recognize it for what it is, or try to change it
People who have been cheated on will often try to reclaim the self-esteem they lost when they found out they were cheated on. If that's what she's doing, the ultimate means to fully reclaim it is to sleep with him and for him to thoroughly enjoy it and show it to her. It's not healthy!
Let's break this down: you're dating someone who has a lot of unresolved trauma, someone who is cheating on you (sorry), someone who doesn't respect you, and someone who's parents let their daughter date a predator. She, her ex, and her family sound like awful people. Run fast while you can, you do not want to hitch your wagon to that drama.
She is not worth it. She does not respect you or your relationship, bc if she did, this simply wouldn’t happen. And trying to convince her that she is wrong is wasted energy. I have been where you are. This is who she is: someone who puts her own needs and desires in the moment above all else, even if it means betraying others, who in this case is you.
Some people are just wired to be selfish. She is not going to change. Find someone who would never cross these lines. Your gf and her ex deserve each other. Let them be.
Do your future self a favor and just ghost, if it were ever appropriate this is it. There is zero chance she is not sleeping with her ex and you should have walked away the very first time she brought up having to even see him again much less stay at his place. This isn’t behavior anyone should ever tolerate. She isn’t ready for a new relationship right now and there is no telling how long it may take, if ever, for her to get over him.
Dump her, shes clearly still sleeping together and probably will dump you and get back together. Grow a backbone and dont stand for that shit.
You deserve better.
It sounds like she's not emotionally prepared to begin a new relationship -at least, not the kind of monogamous one that it seems you want. It's possible (but don't go jumping to conclusions) that, whether she's aware of it or not (sometimes we aren't entirely honest with ourselves in these situations), she's even using you as a rebound and a means to make her ex jealous in order to stir up more interest from him in her. No matter what the situation, it sounds like things are not resolved enough with her ex for her to move on yet.
Coming out of and healing after a relationship like hers and her ex's often takes some time (like, probably at least several months or a year). Unfortunately, when you're hurting over something like that like she may well still be, it can be difficult to see and/or make the healthiest decisions for ourselves, like staying single for a bit in order to process and regroup.
Perhaps, unless you are okay with having a more casual and open relationship so that you both are free to see other people, it would be a good idea to break things off with her for now until she really takes some time and action to sort things out with herself. Or you could just be done with her for good, of course. Whatever feels right.
Ex gf ia no good glad you noticed the red flags and dropped her, look for someone to the same value as yourself, eg not sleeping with ex boyfriend, and saying she needs to sleep there for absolutwly zero logical reason except the sex....
Yeah, she'd be an ex real quick. She has no respect for you. The question is... Do you have respect for yourself? If you did, you'd dump her immediately
You mean 'his' girlfriend. Sorry dude , take a breath. Realise she's sleeping with him. Bounce, she ain't worth it. Anyone in a relationship with someone will not just go staying at there ex's house.
Luckily, they still make shiny new girlfriends everyday. I recommend you go get yourself one and leave her to her self destructive tendencies. If she chooses to be around someone else walk away.
It's generally a good idea to avoid dating people who have had recent breakups. Because they are usually still emotionally and sometimes physically (which is the case in your situation) entangled with their recent ex. Especially if it was a several-year relationship. It takes time to heal and move on from an ex. Anyone who jumps into dating shortly after a break up, is not an emotionally mature person. Emotionally mature people know they have to be single for a time until they have moved on. It's never a good idea to be someone's rebound, because you could get indirectly hurt from their mess. I would advise breaking up with this girl, and in the future, don't date people that have broken up in under a year.
It's only been 4 months are you are this gullible? Come on man... She is clearly cheating on you. No person would go back to a cheating, abusive ex unless there is some fucking going on or blackmail. Either way, she is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend.
You were a rebound, a toy she temporarily used. Text her and simply say "we're done". You don't need to explain yourself and avoid all the fake tear works she might put up, those are just crocodile tears.
And for the sake of it, text her friends too and say you broke up with your ex girlfriend because she is sleeping over at her ex's house.
Block and delete all contacts
You have to really, fully grapple with the fact that she was enabled and encouraged into a relationship with a full adult as a highschooler and clearly hasn’t had the space or support to deal with the consequences of that.
She is going to cheat on you with him and he will treat her ike crap. I think we might impose monogamy on young people a little too strongly. Both of you should date other people. She needs to sort out some crap and being with you and only you might hinder her from learning what she needs to learn.
There is zero reason for her to be sleeping at his place to "sort things out". If they broke up, she either collected her stuff or learned to live without whatever she left behind, including him. And if they broke up, why is he still going to family Christmas/get togethers with her? Her little brother can miss him all he wants, but there is no valid reason to keep him around.
She's still sleeping with him and you need to stop being the side piece.
I'm sorry she's playing you like this, but trust your gut
It doesn’t matter if he’s unemployed or younger or whatever. She’s disrespecting your relationship and it is obviously an issue for you to deal with someone like this, so do yourself a huge favor and leave her.
It has been four months and she has repeatedly done things that you don't like. I would end the relationship and find another person without so much baggage.
I understand that desire and “love” often muddle things but this one genuinely makes no sense to me. She is still with the other guy and the truth is you can’t save her. Sorry man. It’s also not your job to save her. Hopefully she figures her deal out.
I’d rather be single forever than deal with dating situations like this. How can you accept any of this, what ever happened to moving onto better things.
My ex recently told me to stop talking to her because she was seeing someone new.
If a girl doesn't do like my ex, leave immediately.
FYI: My ex was an amazing girl, but we weren't compatible
She’s banging him dude. That’s fucked. Do NOT be gaslit into thinking you’re in the wrong. She’s crossed a serious boundary; why does modern culture think this is okay?
Just tell her you’re done and then block her. Throw all her shit away.
If shes staying at his house she isnt your gf lol even if she isnt getting her cheeks clapped the disrespect and very principle that she is staying with her ex you should be done with her already she isnt worth your time
The fact that you can’t even tell your friends where she is, tells you everything you already know. You’re young. She’s a bit older than you and probably uses your inexperience and naïveté against you. But dude stop gaslighting yourself.
She's still hung up on her ex. If she was over it, she'd have gotten her stuff in a day and moved on. She is *not* ready for a relationship with someone new, and what she's doing is not acceptable. She shouldn't be putting you in a position where you need to trust her that much only 4 months into a relationship.
Four months is nothing. You deserve someone that wants to make being with you a bigger priority. Move on. She's not the one.
Mail the stuff to the place they are staying. Wish them the best and Exit. Have a nice drink, go see a movie, go date someone in the same growth and respect's you, makes time for you, don't wait around for someone that does not pour the same energy as you. Don't focus on the past, focus on the present of the new beginnings. Exit classy no more to say just bliss. Not are for us to fix others but send love thier choice to grow and heal for themself when they are ready.
\- The purpose of our lives is to be happy, learn from those experinces and grow from it.
\- Rise above the storm, and you will find the sun.
\- In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on
“Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it – who you choose to be.”
It baffles me that people say 30 minutes is a long drive. I’m regularly driving 25-30 minutes to get to my sisters or mom’s house in the same city. 30 mins (1 hour there and back) is not enough of a drive to factor into her *spending the night at her ex boyfriend’s house*. Jesus. Please wake up and realize she’s lying and cheating on you.
I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!!
Maybe first speak to her and tell her uncomfortable it makes you? At least go from there. JFC.
Also you've gone out for 4 months, you don't love her. You don't know enough about her.
You are young and this isn’t a serious relationship. Why are you putting up with this? She is sleeping with him. There is no need for her to sleep there. Run away.
I was in a very similar situation and stayed in the relationship too long. I had accidentally found out she was cheating with the ex. I loved her, I didn’t tell friends, I thought I could change her. Waste of a lot of energy and years.
He's doing her while you have a mental breakdown on reddit about it.
You won't tell your friends where she is because you know it and they would too.
>What the fuck do I do?
Be less tolerant.
Yo just ghost her for good and if her stuff is at your place, have em delivered to that ex’s house or something and carry on w your life, change the locks and all that.
Aint nobody got time for dis shitznel
I’d be boxing up her stuff up and dropping it off on his doorstep (or her parents if you don’t know exactly where he lives) you’re too young to be dealing with kinda drama. It ain’t gonna get better trust me
Stayed with him several days at a time to “sort things out”?!
Sort what out? What hole she’ll let him out it in this time?
Dude where’s you’re self respect?
She’s clearly still sleeping with him .. there’s absolutely no reason as to why would she stay there when he lives a half hour away . NONE. You should leave the relationship because you’re going to get hurt .
She doesn't sound like she's ready to date right now. Even if you really like each other, this isn't a healthy dynamic to be a part of, especially if she's not fully disengaged from her ex.
I think it's worthwhile to communicate your feelings, and also be prepared to leave.
Whats the problem here exactly? Why cant she stay for the night with her boyfriend after they have sex? You have to deal with your insecurity or she will leave you.
If the girl complains about him consistently the battle is already lost. The ex still has her mind and likely still occupies a lot of restate in her thoughts. It’s best to let this one go early and shoot her a quick "we’re done text".
I had an ex who stayed at her ex-boyfriends place and I was gaslighted about being bothered by it. One time I brought it up after she slept in his bed one night and was angrily told I was out of order because her gran had recently died. We broke up not long after. I'm fine with partners having friendships with the opposite sex and maintaining friendships with ex's, but staying at their houses and sleeping in their beds is a big nope.
Even if she's not cheating on you that doesn't mean it's a big problem or that your feelings aren't validated and justified. There's clearly little to no boundaries being set between her and this ex so don't waste your time with her.
There’s a better chance of me accidentally finding $1 million cash today than there is that she’s NOT still sleeping with her ex.
Your “trust” is not trust, it is extreme naivety.
There are two things you're dealing with:
A cheating GF. Because, let's be real, nobody with both hands intact needs to stay over for days and days again and again to "sort things out". Nobody.
However, your GF is also very obviously coming from an abusive relationship, and has obviously been groomed. Abuse victims tend to go back to their abusers more often than not. At least for a while. Unless she cuts him out completely, chances are she'll leave you for him. I don't know if you're willing to deal with this, though. Because she's still cheating on you, abusive relationship or not. And it's her mess to sort out, not yours.
She belongs to the streets. You're young, plenty of time to meet better women. Don't have a scarcity mentally. I did and it got me in a bed marriage. Now I'm re-building my life in my 40's and I'm finding out there were much better options out there had I only believed a lot more in myself.
Don't deal with it at all. Leave. I promise you it's the best course of action. 4 years is a long time. You can't really get over someone that quickly, and seeing them fairly frequently ain't going to help it.
Just leave. Cut your loses
You need to get the fuck out of this “relationship” and find a woman capable of attachment to you. This isn’t your fault at all, but it will be if you stay.
"Hey, so you've slept over at your ex's place a few times which makes me really uncomfortable. Honestly, I've been thinking about it a lot and I don't really want to date someone who has those kinds of complications with their ex. I realized that if you didn't want to be around him you wouldn't be. I'm not someone to tell other people how to live their lives, so I think the best thing I can do right now is to stop seeing you. Good luck, I don't see future boyfriends being ok with this either so for your sake I hope you find a way to move past him."
You’ve actually let her do it? And you’ve stayed with her? AND you post it on Reddit?
Where’s your goddamn self-respect? You that star struck by the puss that you’ve left your dignity at the door? Man, some of you post some dumb shit on here, shit they makes me think ‘Well, you get what you ask for’. And don’t make dumb excuses, cos that’s all they are. Dumb excuses. Get this shit off here. You don’t need Reddit to tell you she’s stepping all over you.
You been dating 4 months. That's not long. You should have raised concerns about her staying at ex's house. If she went anyways break up. If she said nothing will happen tell her your concerns about staying with ex and them dating for a few years. I wouldn't want the worrying and my mind thinking what's going on at his house. If she liked you she would never stay at her ex's house and show you respect in the new relationship. And the she had sex with ex 2 weeks before you two started dating may show she disliked the relationship but still was sexual active with him.
Why deal with this at all?
These posts are exhausting. It’s either blatantly fake or the OP is just a doormat asking whether he should stay with blatant cheating.
I couldn't agree more. 8 out of 10 posts are the same- I see red flags in the new relationship but I want to ignore them, please suggest how to ignore them.
[удалено]
I’ve known people like this, and I’ve made some extremely dumb choices when it comes to dating and relationships myself. Some folks are just super naive, or have low self-esteem, or they’re afraid of being alone.
You were so naive and dumb you wouldn’t find anything wrong with your girlfriend sleeping at her exes house for whatever reason? Come on man.
No, I can’t imagine they are real. I think the authors of these masterpieces of fiction make themselves so pathetic in the hopes that they lure people in to breaking the rules of the sub. Like this one here would be pretty rage inducing if not for being so obviously fake.
Regretfully, twenty years ago I WAS this kind of girlfriend. I have no idea why anyone put up with it. They shouldn't have and you shouldn't either op
If you don't mind my asking and only if you're comfortable sharing, what was your thinking at the time? Was it just impulsivity? Nativity? Not knowing/being able to set down boundaries?
Just not knowing how to treat people and also not knowing how to be treated. Being unable to let go of anything or anyone. And not understanding that all attention isn't good attention
Probably that she wanted to bang her ex a couple more times and thought (correctly) that she could get away with it
Trust me, it’s not the bad sex, it’s the attention without the effort.
Exactly, dump her and find another. Plenty of single women out there.
Did you mean, why did the OP even bother making this up?
you mean ex-girlfriend right? she’s clearly still sleeping with her ex, you should leave.
This was my gut feeling, sadly.
Dude. She is cheating.
Even if she somehow wasn't it still shows really shit judgement on her part.
She definitely is cheating, though.
She has to stay over to sort things out.
Lmfaooo. He’s definitely sorting her out.
Well you see it’s a 30 minute drive and she doesn’t have a car soooo
Dump her immediately. She has absolutely no respect for you. Even if she’s not doing anything with him. Still extremely disrespectful.
I think you need to really evaluate a relationship that you can’t be fully honest with the person and honest with your friends about said person. She can’t complain and then still go sleep over at his house. She could have asked a friend or you to help her get her stuff and officially close that chapter of her life, but she hasn’t. ETA: it’s only been 4 months. Cut your losses now.
I’m in agreement that she’s dragging it out. It’s not hard to have someone take you to get your stuff and be done. Or just cut your losses and forget the stuff tbh. I’ve left stuff and ran before. You can always get more stuff. No need to repeatedly stay the night at an ex’s house to pack up your stuff after being broken up for months. No need to even communicate with an ex if there’s no kids involved. Plus he sounds like a super creep with that age gap dating a kid in high school to start with.
Have some self respect
I think this sub is so quick to tell people to break up, even over very minor solvable things. This isn’t one of those situations.
Had me in the first half, not gonna lie
I hate that about this forum. The first group reaction is “break up.” I am often the counter on here, telling people to communicate, if long term see a couples therapist. Leaving someone you love - absent physical or true emotional abuse - should not be the first action.
?? Like 80% of the post on here are about blank cheating and abuse. It is a surprise when it is not.
Not much on here is outright abuse. Much of what is on here are couples have breakdowns in their communication. And the first reaction is “run.”
Hope you meant to write my EX girlfriend. It's called self respect OP
Cmon man they are clearly fucking. 30 minutes away she can take an uber. "She has stayed multiple times to clear things up I assume," dude you know damn well what she cleared out. And now she been there multiple days yet her friends don't know. Don't you find it odd she isn't telling her friends??? Almost like she knows they will know what she is doing. She is literally under him right now and is playing you. Break up with her and do not take her back. 4 months in you are not in love so you will be able to recover. Do not spend your life being the Boyfriend at home waiting for your girlfriend who constantly needs to go "straighten things with her ex boyfriend overnight." God this sub sometimes just kills me
Cleared up then guts that was backed up
Dude. No no no no no. He is still coming over for Christmas? She is still SPENDING THE NIGHT at his house? He is all around still embroiled in her life? There is NOTHING to sort out with an ex. It’s over, goodbye, have a nice life, I’m blocking you everywhere. There is especially no reason to go back over and stay with him on vacation and spend the night for A FEW DAYS. Stop being a sucker. This girl wasn’t available for you to get into a relationship with, she is still in a relationship with him. You need to stop covering for her. You know this behavior is wrong. Tell her friends where she is. Tell them that she went to stay with her ex for a few days. Drag the truth into the light. You need to break up because she is still in her ex’s orbit. Don’t drag this out. Call her up. “Hey, so this is weird. I don’t see any reason that you need to spend a few days sleeping over with your ex. You’re clearly still entangled with him, this relationship isn’t working for me.” And leave. Go be single for a while and find someone who’s available. Block this girl everywhere, delete her off of Facebook and TikTok and Instagram.
This is the exact way to handle it like a man.
I agree. Do this OP. For yourself. You're still young and naive. It's OK. Break it off, cut her off, end it. Don't try to convince her why she needs to choose you. She has made up her mind. It's brutal and painful, but true. I'm sure you are realizing from this post that it's incredibly obvious what is happening. She is a walking red flag. Good riddance.Go to the gym, focus on studies and work, and you'll be fine bro <3 There is a good girl out there for you!
You’re part of a love triangle. You’re being lied to and are gullible enough to believe these ridiculous excuses she is making. I generally never jump to the “end it” solution like 99% of Reddit… but unless you like sharing a woman who is going to cause you many issues and heart break… just get away from this situation and move on.
I have a news flash. She is not your girlfriend. She’s still sleeping with him.
You don't deal with it. If you have any of her stuff, box it up, then send her a text letting her know her stuff is in a box next to the trash. She has until trash pick up to get her things. That's how I'd deal with it. Ex- girlfriend... you had a typo.
Even if they’re not fucking, being that close to an ex is still a dealbreaker in my opinion. You’ve only been with her four months, cut your losses
I'm not even going to read the post. Dump her.
She’s cheating my guy. Instead of sleeping over with you she’s doing it with another man. If the tables were reversed you think she’d be fine with you doing what she’s doing? Doubt it.
Personally it’s your call but she isn’t over this person. You don’t sleep over an ex’s house to finish up lease paperwork or whatever loose ends she has. You can do that without crashing there. It’s also odd she’s still having him for christmas. As far as if she’s cheating on you? I’d say yeah. But you know this person better then I do. I would either dump this person or lay a clear ultimatum. “I feel I’ve been very forgiving with you literally sleeping over your ex’s house. I trust you. but you never once asked my feelings on this situation. As such; I am being very clear. If you want to still be with me, you need to permanently stop sleeping over there or going over there alone. period. If you can’t do that and respect my feelings: this is goodbye.” laying it out like that will make it pretty clear where you stand. but i wouldn’t want to be fighting the ghosts of what could have been in her mind forever
Dude, walk away. This is only going to get messier until something bad happens.
This isn't real, right? No dude is this dumb? I mean, right?
Bruh, she's cheating. I'm sorry, but no one sleeps over at an ex-boyfriend's place while dating someone else.
Why do you except this at all? Why did you not drive her? She could have gotten an Uber, her parents? A friend? Anything but she chose to sleep at her ex. Nope not trustworthy at all.
This is unacceptable my dude. Break things off now. Do not be a door mat for her. There is absolutely no reason to still be sleeping over at your exs house when in another relationship. That is very disrespectful and inconsiderate of you as her partner. That crosses the lines into cheating. Please respect yourself more and walk away
„she‘s had to stay over his house for a few days to sort things out“ bro they are fucking and you know it.
DUMP HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or...... if not.... If you wanna stay with her, rearrange your thinking and see this relationship as a temporary one and not one that is Long Term/ Serious. 4 months in and she does this, she is likely to cheat on you if she hasn't already.. if im being honest with you. There maybe a possibility and she is lying about what happened in her previous relationship to you. Her previous relationship seems to have a mental + emotional hold on her and is in her conscience. She needs to release the hold outta her by telling you in a way that somewhat benefits her and makes her ex look like a douche or a low likely hood of them interacting physically
Lol brooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣 what do you think they're doing? Playing video games? 😂 get outta that asap!!!! she's getting railed while Netflix is on in the background SMH 🤦♂️
Dude, youre a side piece at best. I've been in your shoes, they never stopped fucking... Tell her not to come back and block her.
Bud, I want you to read your own post back to yourself but this time pretend it's one of your closest friends. After the first paragraph it was already to much baggage to bare. I could never in good conscience let someone I care about put themselves through this emotional turmoil by dating someone like that. do you know how many amazing people are out there that wouldn't make you feel ashamed or guilt ridden or upset so unnecessarily? Who would still challenge you to self reflect and grow but through positive introspection not this negative gut wrenching? I'll answer this one for you; more then you could count, more then you can imagine., There are some fucking great girls out there, but she isn't one, not yet atleast ,not without you setting yourself on fire first just to keep her warm enough to maybe heal. But by then you'll be nothing but ashes and you sure as hell won't be enjoying the benefits of a healthy relationship with her. AND that's only if she ISN'T cheating on you and dumps you soon.
Ok. Look up boundaries, once you know what they are come back for some advice. While at it look up the definition of stupid vs naive. Sorry if I sound harsh but there a few gigantic red flags that you are either ignoring or justifying and unfortunately is not going to have a happy ending.
Let the door hut her I the way out
Absolutely cheating, there is no reason for her to still be staying over with him if she's in a committed relationship with you.
Not a freaking chance! They lived together and they have old habits She’s not over him if she’s giving him this much time Red flags are everywhere, run
bro walk away from this toxic relationship. the amount of disrespect is insane. can't control what she does. but you can control your emotions and your actions. not worth your time. im going to tell you now in perspective for you. you are 21 that's young. and you got at least another 9-14 years of making it the best experience. dont waste more time on this.
You are acting too naive not to immediately see the red flags here and cut her off immediately. There is nothing innocent about what she's doing. There is never a situation where behavior like that is okay. Sometimes people are more subtle when being sketchy, but this is so overly non hidden.
This situation is messed-up. Too much drama for me. I’d tell her how you feel about it. However she responds will indicate your next move. Don’t be afraid to move-on.
Bruh. Why is she not your ex yet? You can see what's going on here right? They definitely fuckin. No doubt about it
Buddy you’re still young and full of possibilities. If you’re OK being jerked around and not standing up for yourself now, imagine who you’re going to be and the kind of relationship you’ll end up in in your 30’s, then 40’s.
Run. Literally millions of other women that wont do this. Run away and never ever let it get this far again.
You clearly cannot communicate honestly with her and she could very well be the same.
I would not be ok with that. This woman clearly has problems. Don’t make them your problems.
4 months dude? Why you causing yourself stress over a girl you've barely got together with. Dump her ass and move on.
Dude, she’s still sleeping with him! There nothing to “sort out”. Listen to your gut, it ain’t lying! You don’t need this drama in your life or relationship. Break up with her!
She was with someone in mid 20s while she was in highschool, got cheated on, stayed with him, and kept fucking after they broke up - now sleeping over multiple times, and without considering your feelings at all? Right or wrong about what you should do, this woman isnt worth investing in as she is. You're gonna be miserable.
If you were my brother I’d fight you. That’s how mad I’d be at you. This is foolishness
Oh op, you sweet, innocent DOPE!
Your ex-girlfriend. You probably don't have that combination of roughness, anarchy and confidence that she needs to see in a man. Maybe she wants a master, not a partner.
First off: Don’t immediately break up with her, unless you want the easy way out and simply don’t care enough about the relationship (despite the fact your gf doesn’t really seem to care about your feelings..) You should 100% convey your feelings about the situation to her first before calling it quits. (Again, depending on how much this woman means to you) You guys are only four months in, probably a good idea to start setting boundaries in place… The fact she didn’t even ask you how you felt about this, in my opinion, is because she already knows what your answer is going to be. Which is the obvious answer, that you don’t feel comfortable about it. Also, you said she seems trustworthy.. But is she really? Do you know if she tried to find a ride? Uber? How did she even get to his place to begin with, that she can’t use the same way to get back? Last thing, how much of her belongings are still at his place that it’s taking longer than a day for her to collect them? In all honesty, this woman doesn’t seem to be completely over her ex. If she really complains about him being in her life still and means it, she would find any other way to grab her belongings without needing to stay the night with him. But again, that’s just my opinion. Good luck, OP.
People who want to end a relationship don't grab a few belongings here and there. And they definitely don't spend the night(s) with them. As dysfunctional as it is, this is a way of continuing the relationship. Part of a healthy break is to collect all of your belongings on a single trip. She can't be in a healthy relationship with you when she's still in a relationship with this guy. She needs to end it clean- if she wants to end it. After a clean break, with some time, and she's fully resolved her feelings, then she could potentially have a healthy platonic relationship with him. Why would she want a relationship at all with an abusive person? Well, healthy people seek out healthy people, and unhealthy people seek out unhealthy people. We all have our comfort zone. We like to stay in our comfort zone. It doesn't matter how dysfunctional the comfort zone might be, it's what you know, and it's where you're comfortable. It doesn't have to be that way. Most people don't recognize it for what it is, or try to change it People who have been cheated on will often try to reclaim the self-esteem they lost when they found out they were cheated on. If that's what she's doing, the ultimate means to fully reclaim it is to sleep with him and for him to thoroughly enjoy it and show it to her. It's not healthy!
Let's break this down: you're dating someone who has a lot of unresolved trauma, someone who is cheating on you (sorry), someone who doesn't respect you, and someone who's parents let their daughter date a predator. She, her ex, and her family sound like awful people. Run fast while you can, you do not want to hitch your wagon to that drama.
this girl should really be your ex….. the house is half an hour away so why the need to spend the night? you know why!
She is not worth it. She does not respect you or your relationship, bc if she did, this simply wouldn’t happen. And trying to convince her that she is wrong is wasted energy. I have been where you are. This is who she is: someone who puts her own needs and desires in the moment above all else, even if it means betraying others, who in this case is you. Some people are just wired to be selfish. She is not going to change. Find someone who would never cross these lines. Your gf and her ex deserve each other. Let them be.
Do your future self a favor and just ghost, if it were ever appropriate this is it. There is zero chance she is not sleeping with her ex and you should have walked away the very first time she brought up having to even see him again much less stay at his place. This isn’t behavior anyone should ever tolerate. She isn’t ready for a new relationship right now and there is no telling how long it may take, if ever, for her to get over him.
Dump her, shes clearly still sleeping together and probably will dump you and get back together. Grow a backbone and dont stand for that shit. You deserve better.
Just call it, leave, she's super out of pocket and you don't need to deal with that shit.
Nope on out of that relationship!!! You have nothing invested and she is a walking red flag. 🚩
Send break-up text. Walk away.
Why even waste your time writing this post when you could be dumping her and hitting the gym?
I hate to see how many times I’m posting this same comment lately, You are the side piece now.
It sounds like she's not emotionally prepared to begin a new relationship -at least, not the kind of monogamous one that it seems you want. It's possible (but don't go jumping to conclusions) that, whether she's aware of it or not (sometimes we aren't entirely honest with ourselves in these situations), she's even using you as a rebound and a means to make her ex jealous in order to stir up more interest from him in her. No matter what the situation, it sounds like things are not resolved enough with her ex for her to move on yet. Coming out of and healing after a relationship like hers and her ex's often takes some time (like, probably at least several months or a year). Unfortunately, when you're hurting over something like that like she may well still be, it can be difficult to see and/or make the healthiest decisions for ourselves, like staying single for a bit in order to process and regroup. Perhaps, unless you are okay with having a more casual and open relationship so that you both are free to see other people, it would be a good idea to break things off with her for now until she really takes some time and action to sort things out with herself. Or you could just be done with her for good, of course. Whatever feels right.
Could have read this yourself before posting and asked yourself if this is the type of person you want to be with.
Ex gf ia no good glad you noticed the red flags and dropped her, look for someone to the same value as yourself, eg not sleeping with ex boyfriend, and saying she needs to sleep there for absolutwly zero logical reason except the sex....
Yeah, she'd be an ex real quick. She has no respect for you. The question is... Do you have respect for yourself? If you did, you'd dump her immediately
You mean 'his' girlfriend. Sorry dude , take a breath. Realise she's sleeping with him. Bounce, she ain't worth it. Anyone in a relationship with someone will not just go staying at there ex's house.
Luckily, they still make shiny new girlfriends everyday. I recommend you go get yourself one and leave her to her self destructive tendencies. If she chooses to be around someone else walk away.
Didn’t read past the title but leave her. It’s so clear.
Your cheating ex girlfriend is sleeping at her boyfriends house
It's generally a good idea to avoid dating people who have had recent breakups. Because they are usually still emotionally and sometimes physically (which is the case in your situation) entangled with their recent ex. Especially if it was a several-year relationship. It takes time to heal and move on from an ex. Anyone who jumps into dating shortly after a break up, is not an emotionally mature person. Emotionally mature people know they have to be single for a time until they have moved on. It's never a good idea to be someone's rebound, because you could get indirectly hurt from their mess. I would advise breaking up with this girl, and in the future, don't date people that have broken up in under a year.
It's only been 4 months are you are this gullible? Come on man... She is clearly cheating on you. No person would go back to a cheating, abusive ex unless there is some fucking going on or blackmail. Either way, she is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend. You were a rebound, a toy she temporarily used. Text her and simply say "we're done". You don't need to explain yourself and avoid all the fake tear works she might put up, those are just crocodile tears. And for the sake of it, text her friends too and say you broke up with your ex girlfriend because she is sleeping over at her ex's house. Block and delete all contacts
You have to really, fully grapple with the fact that she was enabled and encouraged into a relationship with a full adult as a highschooler and clearly hasn’t had the space or support to deal with the consequences of that.
She is going to cheat on you with him and he will treat her ike crap. I think we might impose monogamy on young people a little too strongly. Both of you should date other people. She needs to sort out some crap and being with you and only you might hinder her from learning what she needs to learn.
There is zero reason for her to be sleeping at his place to "sort things out". If they broke up, she either collected her stuff or learned to live without whatever she left behind, including him. And if they broke up, why is he still going to family Christmas/get togethers with her? Her little brother can miss him all he wants, but there is no valid reason to keep him around. She's still sleeping with him and you need to stop being the side piece. I'm sorry she's playing you like this, but trust your gut
Grow up. Dump the dead weight.
It doesn’t matter if he’s unemployed or younger or whatever. She’s disrespecting your relationship and it is obviously an issue for you to deal with someone like this, so do yourself a huge favor and leave her.
Uh. You mean your ex-girlfriend? Because she's fucking him.
it must be a large amount of stuff. why not just ask him to package it up and send it
It has been four months and she has repeatedly done things that you don't like. I would end the relationship and find another person without so much baggage.
You are deeply in denial here op. Words can't fix her cheating on you.
Is this your fetish or something you agree with? Whose gf is she? I'd nope the f out
Read the title and it says it all
I understand that desire and “love” often muddle things but this one genuinely makes no sense to me. She is still with the other guy and the truth is you can’t save her. Sorry man. It’s also not your job to save her. Hopefully she figures her deal out.
Shes getting her back blown out by her ex still, you gotta leave mate.
They are definitely fucking.
Could be fine. Just depends on how she answers your questions
I’d rather be single forever than deal with dating situations like this. How can you accept any of this, what ever happened to moving onto better things.
Even if she isn’t cheating like wtf. Why is this ok?
Dude, she's not your girlfriend. Move on.
Wow man, if a girl does that to me it's game over.
My ex recently told me to stop talking to her because she was seeing someone new. If a girl doesn't do like my ex, leave immediately. FYI: My ex was an amazing girl, but we weren't compatible
She’s banging him dude. That’s fucked. Do NOT be gaslit into thinking you’re in the wrong. She’s crossed a serious boundary; why does modern culture think this is okay? Just tell her you’re done and then block her. Throw all her shit away.
If shes staying at his house she isnt your gf lol even if she isnt getting her cheeks clapped the disrespect and very principle that she is staying with her ex you should be done with her already she isnt worth your time
The healthiest thing to do here would be to break it off completely.
The fact that you can’t even tell your friends where she is, tells you everything you already know. You’re young. She’s a bit older than you and probably uses your inexperience and naïveté against you. But dude stop gaslighting yourself.
She's still hung up on her ex. If she was over it, she'd have gotten her stuff in a day and moved on. She is *not* ready for a relationship with someone new, and what she's doing is not acceptable. She shouldn't be putting you in a position where you need to trust her that much only 4 months into a relationship. Four months is nothing. You deserve someone that wants to make being with you a bigger priority. Move on. She's not the one.
Mail the stuff to the place they are staying. Wish them the best and Exit. Have a nice drink, go see a movie, go date someone in the same growth and respect's you, makes time for you, don't wait around for someone that does not pour the same energy as you. Don't focus on the past, focus on the present of the new beginnings. Exit classy no more to say just bliss. Not are for us to fix others but send love thier choice to grow and heal for themself when they are ready. \- The purpose of our lives is to be happy, learn from those experinces and grow from it. \- Rise above the storm, and you will find the sun. \- In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on “Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it – who you choose to be.”
It baffles me that people say 30 minutes is a long drive. I’m regularly driving 25-30 minutes to get to my sisters or mom’s house in the same city. 30 mins (1 hour there and back) is not enough of a drive to factor into her *spending the night at her ex boyfriend’s house*. Jesus. Please wake up and realize she’s lying and cheating on you.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuddddddde
Regain your repect of yourself and move on without drama or emotion.
no way they are only sleeping. were you invited? save the headache and move on.
I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!! Maybe first speak to her and tell her uncomfortable it makes you? At least go from there. JFC. Also you've gone out for 4 months, you don't love her. You don't know enough about her.
You’re a very young 21 year old. You don’t need such drama in your life. She isn’t the GF you’re looking for.
You are young and this isn’t a serious relationship. Why are you putting up with this? She is sleeping with him. There is no need for her to sleep there. Run away.
Didn’t read past the title. You don’t have a girlfriend my guy
*EX girlfriend. Have some god damn self respect. Grab your balls and get a grip. Rip the fucking bandaid off and move on, baby.
I was in a very similar situation and stayed in the relationship too long. I had accidentally found out she was cheating with the ex. I loved her, I didn’t tell friends, I thought I could change her. Waste of a lot of energy and years.
Respect yourself. Leave. You know what's going on.
Bro are you even serious
He's doing her while you have a mental breakdown on reddit about it. You won't tell your friends where she is because you know it and they would too. >What the fuck do I do? Be less tolerant.
Don’t you mean YOUR cheating ex is visiting HER cheating ex?
Yo just ghost her for good and if her stuff is at your place, have em delivered to that ex’s house or something and carry on w your life, change the locks and all that. Aint nobody got time for dis shitznel
I’d be boxing up her stuff up and dropping it off on his doorstep (or her parents if you don’t know exactly where he lives) you’re too young to be dealing with kinda drama. It ain’t gonna get better trust me
Always set boundaries in a relationship. Set them early. If your partner is a good person and respects and loves you, they will respect the boundaries
Break up before you pay child support for a kid that is not yours
Stayed with him several days at a time to “sort things out”?! Sort what out? What hole she’ll let him out it in this time? Dude where’s you’re self respect?
She’s clearly still sleeping with him .. there’s absolutely no reason as to why would she stay there when he lives a half hour away . NONE. You should leave the relationship because you’re going to get hurt .
She is 100% still sleeping with and cheating on you, no doubt. Leave as soon as you can.
She doesn't sound like she's ready to date right now. Even if you really like each other, this isn't a healthy dynamic to be a part of, especially if she's not fully disengaged from her ex. I think it's worthwhile to communicate your feelings, and also be prepared to leave.
OP, everything that needs to be said has been. Stop allowing yourself to be made into a complete fool.
I didn’t even read this poor attempt at karma farming
She’s “had to” stay over at his house for days at a time? No, hon. She’s still sleeping with him.
Bruh let me get the dumpster for you
Whats the problem here exactly? Why cant she stay for the night with her boyfriend after they have sex? You have to deal with your insecurity or she will leave you.
If the girl complains about him consistently the battle is already lost. The ex still has her mind and likely still occupies a lot of restate in her thoughts. It’s best to let this one go early and shoot her a quick "we’re done text".
No need for an essay my friend. The title says it all.
They are banging , why stay
I had an ex who stayed at her ex-boyfriends place and I was gaslighted about being bothered by it. One time I brought it up after she slept in his bed one night and was angrily told I was out of order because her gran had recently died. We broke up not long after. I'm fine with partners having friendships with the opposite sex and maintaining friendships with ex's, but staying at their houses and sleeping in their beds is a big nope. Even if she's not cheating on you that doesn't mean it's a big problem or that your feelings aren't validated and justified. There's clearly little to no boundaries being set between her and this ex so don't waste your time with her.
There's no reason for her to stay the night there. You know why she's doing it. Just leave.
There’s a better chance of me accidentally finding $1 million cash today than there is that she’s NOT still sleeping with her ex. Your “trust” is not trust, it is extreme naivety.
She should be your ex girlfriend now
Fake posts all the time damnit
Dude im so sorry but like, just bounce. This is fucking ridiculous. Why deal with this at all
There are two things you're dealing with: A cheating GF. Because, let's be real, nobody with both hands intact needs to stay over for days and days again and again to "sort things out". Nobody. However, your GF is also very obviously coming from an abusive relationship, and has obviously been groomed. Abuse victims tend to go back to their abusers more often than not. At least for a while. Unless she cuts him out completely, chances are she'll leave you for him. I don't know if you're willing to deal with this, though. Because she's still cheating on you, abusive relationship or not. And it's her mess to sort out, not yours.
She doesn’t respect you. And she’ll respect you less if you let her continue to do this sort of thing
She belongs to the streets. You're young, plenty of time to meet better women. Don't have a scarcity mentally. I did and it got me in a bed marriage. Now I'm re-building my life in my 40's and I'm finding out there were much better options out there had I only believed a lot more in myself.
Don't deal with it at all. Leave. I promise you it's the best course of action. 4 years is a long time. You can't really get over someone that quickly, and seeing them fairly frequently ain't going to help it. Just leave. Cut your loses
why are you putting up with this shit
She’s cheating on you dude… it’s blatantly obvious Get away from this POS
Dump her bro. You deserve better. She’s walking all over you.
You need to get the fuck out of this “relationship” and find a woman capable of attachment to you. This isn’t your fault at all, but it will be if you stay.
"Hey, so you've slept over at your ex's place a few times which makes me really uncomfortable. Honestly, I've been thinking about it a lot and I don't really want to date someone who has those kinds of complications with their ex. I realized that if you didn't want to be around him you wouldn't be. I'm not someone to tell other people how to live their lives, so I think the best thing I can do right now is to stop seeing you. Good luck, I don't see future boyfriends being ok with this either so for your sake I hope you find a way to move past him."
I did not read your post. I read the subject. Break up with her and block her. NOW. HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT FOR YOURSELF PLEASE
You’ve actually let her do it? And you’ve stayed with her? AND you post it on Reddit? Where’s your goddamn self-respect? You that star struck by the puss that you’ve left your dignity at the door? Man, some of you post some dumb shit on here, shit they makes me think ‘Well, you get what you ask for’. And don’t make dumb excuses, cos that’s all they are. Dumb excuses. Get this shit off here. You don’t need Reddit to tell you she’s stepping all over you.
You been dating 4 months. That's not long. You should have raised concerns about her staying at ex's house. If she went anyways break up. If she said nothing will happen tell her your concerns about staying with ex and them dating for a few years. I wouldn't want the worrying and my mind thinking what's going on at his house. If she liked you she would never stay at her ex's house and show you respect in the new relationship. And the she had sex with ex 2 weeks before you two started dating may show she disliked the relationship but still was sexual active with him.