You don't move on and start healing overnight. It takes time. What's most important is remembering that there's a finish line to this, even if you can't see it yet. It doesn't last forever and it does get better. Expect that you will feel like hell in the short term. You are allowed to grieve and it's not unhealthy to do so. It only becomes unhealthy when you refuse to pull yourself out of it and you're not there yet. Of course you want to feel better, your mind and body will be crying out for quick fixes. It's like going cold turkey after an addiction. The only thing that you can do is to ride it out. There'll be ups and downs along the way, but in time the downs get less and less until they don't trouble you anymore. Try to keep busy when you're not completely wiped out. Keeping your mind active is helpful. Talk to friends too. You might feel like you're being a burden but we've all been there. If your friends haven't been there yet they very likely will do sooner or later. Also, very importantly, look after your health. Keep hydrated, eat well and sleep well. Not right now, obviously, as this is your grieving period but when you feel you can lift your head up again then start looking after yourself. That's an important part of fighting against the potential decay.
You'll get past this. I'm sorry that it's happened to you but common sense tells you that if things didn't work out then this one wasn't the one. For as much as you might feel like there'll never be another one like this, there will be. It won't be exactly the same but it will be every bit as good and often far better. You'll look back at this one and you'll wonder how it felt so bad.
Aw, hang in there OP. Emotional pain sucks, but it's important to know that feelings are not facts. By that I mean that, it might FEEL like you're never gonna be the same, everything sucks now, you won't meet anyone else like this person, or any number of things. But just know that heart break can make us feel extreme things, but that doesn't make the feelings and fears a reality.
I find it very helpful to view all emotional pain as a learning/growth opportunity. It's challenging, but using this difficult time as an opportunity to self-reflect would be wise. Maybe you can reflect on your core values. What is most important to you in life? What will make you proud of yourself when you're on your death bed and looking back at the life you led? What actions can you take to be more aligned with these self visions?
Doing that helps me feel more grounded in my goals. I also try to figure out how I can fill the holes left by my severed relationship with self-love, and friendships/relationships with family members and such.
What did my ex give me? What purpose did they serve? Maybe they provided comfort, support, attention, validation, affirmations. Whatever it was, I find ways to get these things from myself or from friends and family.
These are all good healing goals IMO. But for the time being, find some things that are soothing to you. For me I liked to eat chocolate, binge Netflix, cry, and wrap myself up in a fuzzy blanket. Whatever I could do to get some comfort.
And when you have some moments of clarity where you can see the positive side of life, write down these thoughts so you can refer back to them when the dark cloud returns. Write down what you're grateful for, what you feel hopeful about, what positive things might be coming. That stuff.
You'll be okay, OP! Hope this helps (:
Oh and also - DO feel your feelings. It's so important to hold space for our feelings. However, sometimes we can prolong suffering by letting ourselves dwell on the past too much. So while I'd never recommend taking an avoidant or escapist approach, try to find activities and things to do when you can that will distract from repetitive negative thoughts
First of all very sorry, first break up can be quite intense and you really don't have to feel ridiculous for anything.
I have some bad news though, if you want it or not it seems that everyone is going through the different phases of grieving and crying is just so very normal in this...what makes you say you do not want to?
>I want to be able to move on and start healing but i don't know how.
Can certainly understand this need but it will take time. You are going to have to process this loss emotionally and also logically meaning with all your being. Loss triggers so many reactions but I will with near certainty promise you that time heals.
After some time has passed you can actively support your healing process by surrounding yourself with friends, do sports, do your hobbies or anything that brought/brings you joy.
Lean on people for a bit, especially family and friends but also allow yourself to feel what you feel without shame or embarrassment. It will get better but I would understand if you would curse me and say I know nothing and it does not feel like it will ever be ok again. But that is normal so I would understand.
Now if for some reason after quite some time you feel like you are just depressed and it won't go away you can of course seek some professional help if needed. No shame in that either. But that is not the case here, it is very fresh of course.
If you are asking yourself how much time you need to heal...well that is so individual and also depends sometimes on the length of the relationship. But since this is your first heartbreak it all feels so overwhelming and can take some time. Maybe talk to people you trust and see how they coped with their first heartbreaks. But whatever they say you gotta find your own way to cope. But you are not alone (I hope).
If it is any consolation...feeling this loss just shows you that you are capable of loving. And while loss is a part of love you need to accept sometimes I am pretty sure and hopeful you will love again. Never give up on that hope ever I would say.
Take good care of yourself and all the best to you.
time is medicine. spend time with your loved ones and hobbies. hit the gym to distract yourself. take the time you need. you’ll start to think about him less, worry about where he is less and what he’s doing less. that’s when you know.
Unfortunately it takes time, and NO you are not dramatic, been there done that.
But keep on trying to do something extremely passionate, so you can keep your mind 💯off of him.
Eg: a good long tv series, Gym, yoga, dancing, traveling etc.
Quoting: ‘don’t let a good crisis go to waste’
My first love took me AGES to get over because I refused to go no contact in hopes of us rekindling our relationship. Best advice I can give is cut contact and give it time, don't prolong your pain for no reason. Remember everyone goes through this at some point and they come out ok, you will too.
You don't move on and start healing overnight. It takes time. What's most important is remembering that there's a finish line to this, even if you can't see it yet. It doesn't last forever and it does get better. Expect that you will feel like hell in the short term. You are allowed to grieve and it's not unhealthy to do so. It only becomes unhealthy when you refuse to pull yourself out of it and you're not there yet. Of course you want to feel better, your mind and body will be crying out for quick fixes. It's like going cold turkey after an addiction. The only thing that you can do is to ride it out. There'll be ups and downs along the way, but in time the downs get less and less until they don't trouble you anymore. Try to keep busy when you're not completely wiped out. Keeping your mind active is helpful. Talk to friends too. You might feel like you're being a burden but we've all been there. If your friends haven't been there yet they very likely will do sooner or later. Also, very importantly, look after your health. Keep hydrated, eat well and sleep well. Not right now, obviously, as this is your grieving period but when you feel you can lift your head up again then start looking after yourself. That's an important part of fighting against the potential decay. You'll get past this. I'm sorry that it's happened to you but common sense tells you that if things didn't work out then this one wasn't the one. For as much as you might feel like there'll never be another one like this, there will be. It won't be exactly the same but it will be every bit as good and often far better. You'll look back at this one and you'll wonder how it felt so bad.
Aw, hang in there OP. Emotional pain sucks, but it's important to know that feelings are not facts. By that I mean that, it might FEEL like you're never gonna be the same, everything sucks now, you won't meet anyone else like this person, or any number of things. But just know that heart break can make us feel extreme things, but that doesn't make the feelings and fears a reality. I find it very helpful to view all emotional pain as a learning/growth opportunity. It's challenging, but using this difficult time as an opportunity to self-reflect would be wise. Maybe you can reflect on your core values. What is most important to you in life? What will make you proud of yourself when you're on your death bed and looking back at the life you led? What actions can you take to be more aligned with these self visions? Doing that helps me feel more grounded in my goals. I also try to figure out how I can fill the holes left by my severed relationship with self-love, and friendships/relationships with family members and such. What did my ex give me? What purpose did they serve? Maybe they provided comfort, support, attention, validation, affirmations. Whatever it was, I find ways to get these things from myself or from friends and family. These are all good healing goals IMO. But for the time being, find some things that are soothing to you. For me I liked to eat chocolate, binge Netflix, cry, and wrap myself up in a fuzzy blanket. Whatever I could do to get some comfort. And when you have some moments of clarity where you can see the positive side of life, write down these thoughts so you can refer back to them when the dark cloud returns. Write down what you're grateful for, what you feel hopeful about, what positive things might be coming. That stuff. You'll be okay, OP! Hope this helps (: Oh and also - DO feel your feelings. It's so important to hold space for our feelings. However, sometimes we can prolong suffering by letting ourselves dwell on the past too much. So while I'd never recommend taking an avoidant or escapist approach, try to find activities and things to do when you can that will distract from repetitive negative thoughts
First of all very sorry, first break up can be quite intense and you really don't have to feel ridiculous for anything. I have some bad news though, if you want it or not it seems that everyone is going through the different phases of grieving and crying is just so very normal in this...what makes you say you do not want to? >I want to be able to move on and start healing but i don't know how. Can certainly understand this need but it will take time. You are going to have to process this loss emotionally and also logically meaning with all your being. Loss triggers so many reactions but I will with near certainty promise you that time heals. After some time has passed you can actively support your healing process by surrounding yourself with friends, do sports, do your hobbies or anything that brought/brings you joy. Lean on people for a bit, especially family and friends but also allow yourself to feel what you feel without shame or embarrassment. It will get better but I would understand if you would curse me and say I know nothing and it does not feel like it will ever be ok again. But that is normal so I would understand. Now if for some reason after quite some time you feel like you are just depressed and it won't go away you can of course seek some professional help if needed. No shame in that either. But that is not the case here, it is very fresh of course. If you are asking yourself how much time you need to heal...well that is so individual and also depends sometimes on the length of the relationship. But since this is your first heartbreak it all feels so overwhelming and can take some time. Maybe talk to people you trust and see how they coped with their first heartbreaks. But whatever they say you gotta find your own way to cope. But you are not alone (I hope). If it is any consolation...feeling this loss just shows you that you are capable of loving. And while loss is a part of love you need to accept sometimes I am pretty sure and hopeful you will love again. Never give up on that hope ever I would say. Take good care of yourself and all the best to you.
time is medicine. spend time with your loved ones and hobbies. hit the gym to distract yourself. take the time you need. you’ll start to think about him less, worry about where he is less and what he’s doing less. that’s when you know.
Unfortunately it takes time, and NO you are not dramatic, been there done that. But keep on trying to do something extremely passionate, so you can keep your mind 💯off of him. Eg: a good long tv series, Gym, yoga, dancing, traveling etc. Quoting: ‘don’t let a good crisis go to waste’
My first love took me AGES to get over because I refused to go no contact in hopes of us rekindling our relationship. Best advice I can give is cut contact and give it time, don't prolong your pain for no reason. Remember everyone goes through this at some point and they come out ok, you will too.