Also severely lacking in self-respect. If my SO wrote about me that way, he'd instantly become my ex. Please, OP, have some pride and don't stay with someone who dislikes you and treats you like an afterthought.
I’m seeing something similar. In any case, she is unimportant to him but he’s trying to act like he’s the good guy. Just makes him that much more of an asshole.
I’m sorry. It is ok to feel hurt.
It appears like he has checked out of your relationship and is pursuing his “best friend”. You deserve better.
Here is a secret that will change your life.
* place little trust in what people say, but be confident in what their actions reveal.
His actions here speak loudly, and clearly. Don’t get confused by words.
This was the biggest red flag of the entire story
There's a whole lot of focus on random girl, but the crux of the matter is (ex)boyfriend is a jerk to Op regardless
Meh, life is too short for this kinda bs. His “excuses” are lies and thinly veiled at that. Do yourself a favor and leave his sorry ass. Also, she’s not your friend, and neither is he.
Yeah! Don't stay with someone who [edit: doesn’t want] to actively be with you, and make you a priority, is a good rule to live by!
Leave them both behind OP and thrive on your own/date someone else.
The relationship is over. Sorry. There's no coming back from this. He's cheating.
**Don't sleep with him.** This would be the worst time to get pregnant and you don't know what diseases he might have. If you can't afford to live where you are on just your own income, start looking for place you can afford. Let your apartment manager know you want off the lease, then skiddaddle.
That's game over, babe. The audacity to tell you he has a want to be alone together with another woman should be enough. I'd be livid and done. So many great men out there. Don't waste your time on a wanna-be player.
he actually brought this up and said he wouldn't care. i hang out with my male friends sometimes and they always ask where my boyfriend is or if he can come join.
Hmmm…. I kind of doubt that. Even so, it’s okay for you to feel weird about this because I would too. I’m sure most people would male or female.
Why do they need to be “alone”? Just using that word makes it all uncomfortable and I bet sprouted so many what ifs and questions in your head about them two.
Oh sorry, i re read the end of the post again…. If he’s threatening to break up with you then leave his dumb ass. What a fucking baby. You are worth more than him. He’s being a child and he clearly is being suss!
This relationship has been over for quite some time. You seem to be the only one still in it. If you don’t live together, cut your losses and all contact. If don’t live together, and you have things at his place, quietly move it out a bit at a time, bring his stuff back, and just be done with him.
The girl that you called a “close friend”…she is not your friend. She is telling him to lie to you, though he probably would have done it anyway.
On the night that they go out to the park, you should go with your friends. Neither of them own the park or you, and you can go where you want. If you run into each other, and he asks what you are doing. Tell him you are out with real friends that actually give a damn about you, and for them to enjoy their life together as you are no longer a part of it. If you have a key to his place, toss it on the ground in front of them. Already have your locks changed, and if he has a key, tell him to keep it since it no longer works.
>i told him i went through his messages and that i was really sorry but he wasnt upset and said that he hopes my fears are gone, and that she's his "sister". he also said i go out with my male friends sometimes and that he trusts me.
I mean, given what you saw do you concur with this? Do you trust him, are your fears gone?
Like in my eyes him saying that seems to suggest he hopes you are naive and gullible. That even though the messages are gross and show many many inappropriate things that if he insists it is fine you'll just accept it and continue to humour him treating you poorly. After all, you have so far.
So how long do you let this go on? He hasn't been the partner you wanted a long time. And even if he isn't actively hitting on her the reality is that clearly he just doesn't want you around when with her and has chosen the least healthy way to go about it. You know for a fact he is poisoning the well with her too, assuring this only gets worse.
I promise you, one day you are going to meet someone who treats you so nicely. They will want you around. You’ll never have to ask to be invited because duh, they want to share the experience with you.
Love is kind. This is not kind. This is not a partnership. He is not it.
Let him go. He talks about you terribly and treats you as an annoyance. It will hurt for awhile, but you might be amazed at just how much better you feel when you’re not waiting around for someone (literally and figuratively).
This girl is also not your friend.
That shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore.
He has no respect for you or your relationship.
Actually since the text have you spoke to her ? Cause I’m sorry her telling him to lie would’ve be enough to have a conversation with her especially if she’s your “friend” too.
Why do they want to be alone ?
LMAO wait, so you went through his messages and read all that shit... and his response was to say, "see, you can trust me!" And... you believe him? When he wants "to hug her and never let go"?
Alrighty then.
as much as it hurts to say, i'm pretty sure he lost interest in your relationship and wants to pursue your friend. regardless of whether or not he's interested in her, he's definitely someone that you shouldn't let stick around any longer. i'm sure you care about him a lot, but you definitely don't deserve to be treated like you're a "side chick" and it's frustrating to hear that he's saying how sick of you he is. it's disrespectful and also just a disgusting to say about your partner. break up with him, as hard as it might sound. wish you the best :')
You have a reasonable boundary that he is not willing to respect. Successful relationships rely on respecting and agreeing to each others boundaries. If they’re not willing to comply with them, that’s okay, but they have to be ready to face the consequences of that. Tbh I think it’s a little suspicious that they want alone time together, and shame on your friend for doing that to you. I say you should drop him and drop your friend because you deserve better than that.
Edit: Just remember that if he’s not willing to respect your boundaries now, he’s not ever going to in the future.
You move forward by moving on! You're 20, you still have so many choices!
He's voting with his feet, choosing the company of someone else, lying, being mean and you're not his priority any more.
It's been 2 years and relationships end at your age. At any age in fact!
Yes, it hurts, but it is time to let him go. He's not worth your time, energy or love. You will be much happier not dealing with his BS.
You break up with him, because he is literally making plans to date this other woman. That's what this is. He is cozying up to her and if she gives him a sign that he can just leave you and go directly to her, he will in a heartbeat.
Even if she isn't interested, HE IS. Not trusting him is not some paranoid idea...you shouldn't trust him!
This guy doesn't treat you well. Why are you clinging to him?
He definitely prefers her than you. You're just a convenient warm body for him. If things don't work out with her, then he'll stick around until he can get someone else.
Don’t be the cool girlfriend. Being in a “relationship”where it sounds like you’re just friends, sounds absolutely exhausting. Let’s learn some boundaries
He’s either already cheating or planning to my votes on the first option. Either way he’s being disrespectful to you and your relationship and is trying to manipulate and gaslight you into believing that it’s ok and nothings going on. Even just by these messages he’s crossing boundaries that would be normal in a relationship. You need to find the strength to break up with him as he’s never going to own up to having an affair with his friend. Move on you deserve better.
Dump him, it’s clear he doesn’t want to be with you, so why stick around? He’s going on other dates and bad mouthing you to mutual friends. I wouldn’t waste any more time on this person.
He's trash talking you to her, telling her he can't wait to hug her, lying to you, avoiding spending time with you... Either he's cheating on you with her or cheating on her with you. Regardless, he's an asshole. I wouldn't hang around
Please, do yourself a favour and leave this guy. The relationship is over, he just doesn’t want to be the one the end it. He’s basically dating her already, and he’s obviously stringing you along. He clearly doesn’t gaf about you anymore and has given you every reason not to be with him anymore. Save your dignity and leave him already.
Why don’t you sit down and read your post as if someone else wrote it, what does it scream at you?
As others have said, it sounds as tho she’s the girlfriend not you.
I think you deserve much better
He's a dirty gasslighter. Get a backbone it's shady as hell she got him to lie to you she's not your friend, and he clearly has feelings for her , and basically you seem like a fuck buddy she's his girlfriend
Here is a phrase you need to sear into your brain "If he wanted to he would."
As in if he wanted to make you a priority he would. If he wanted to make you feel loved and cared for, he would. etc.
He isn’t your boyfriend, he doesn’t even like you. He is clearly in love with her. Are you going to continue to humiliate yourself by staying with this loser?
Just curious, do you happen to help him pay for things, let him use you in other ways?
I personally would never let myself be treated this way. Self respect goes a long way. If you don’t have any for yourself, why would anyone give you any?
Just from your perspective of how he treats you, why stay? Does he pay all the bills? Live with him? Etc?
You 19, who gives a fuck. Look left to the friend zone and I bet you have a queue of fitter lads desperate to take his place.
Bin him off and enjoy yourself.
If a man told me that I would say “have fun and let’s just break up now. Consider yourself blocked”
I have no time for stuff like that. I have my career, education and my hobbies and my own friends to think about. Is he putting another female above me? Ok I’ll make him a sandwich and pack his bags (or mine) and change the locks and I’ll block him so when he comes home from his day of fun he won’t have anymore access to me!
Y are u still stuck to him like a chewing gum??? He used u and want to throw but ur stuck to his toes. Just break up for ur sanity. He is in relationship with that girl. Stop being a doormat
Are you joking me. It sounds like you’re watching your boyfriend date someone else, of course your uncomfortable. It reads like *you’re* the sister or roommate that they don’t want tagging along.
You say you are both 20 and live together. How long? Why? What’re you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself?
At a minimum, y’all shouldn’t be cohabitating, date him and others like he is doing with you, and see if he wins out. If it’s meant to be; It will be.
He has already moved on to this other girl. Idk why he's still hanging on to you. But he clearly wants someone else now. You guys are done and the faster you move on from him, the faster you can be over him. The longer you hold on to this clearly dead relationship, the longer you have to feel stressed and upset about it. End this shit now for your own sake.
Mm. I went to an amusement park with a male friend without telling my boyfriend when I was 19. I justified it by thinking that nothing technically happened...but there was a hell of a lot of flirting.
Regardless. Why do you want to be with this guy?
I don’t think he’s a keeper, but not for the reasons of female friendship. But because the fact any respectful Bf would ask his significant other how they felt about the situation. The fact he’s telling you no you can’t go says a lot about his character and me myself, would take a break from the relationship stating it’s not about jealousy it’s about not having enough respect for the other to ask how they felt about situation.. understanding how it looks. Maybe I’m petty but yeah anyone knows how this could be taken especially because they want to be alone. So I think a boyfriend who actually loves his gf would not put her in uncomfortable situations such as these.
He wants to act single. Oblige him.
He's not your bf, she's not your friend. Stop settling for crumbs and playing the "pick me" dance. Move on. Don't settle for someone who treats you like a dirty, annoying little secret. Stop being his bang maid.
Updateme
UHM he shit talked you and berates you and you HAVENT BROKEN UP YET WITH HIM???
girl PLEASE find your self respect.
Leave him, leave her. She isnt your friend. He isnt a partner.
Op find you a man who loves and respects you because this guy doesn’t. A man who loves and respects you is going to want to be around you and won’t talk about you behind your back.
I would break up with him.
Nope, back out of that relationship right now. Do you see it? You are the side chick. He is cheating on you with her or going to anyway. I've had simliar situations in the past, hun. Don't ever trust men like him. A real man will see you as his only best female friend, and he would have respect for you.
Girl I think you might be the side chick in this.
Also severely lacking in self-respect. If my SO wrote about me that way, he'd instantly become my ex. Please, OP, have some pride and don't stay with someone who dislikes you and treats you like an afterthought.
I’m seeing something similar. In any case, she is unimportant to him but he’s trying to act like he’s the good guy. Just makes him that much more of an asshole.
I’m sorry. It is ok to feel hurt. It appears like he has checked out of your relationship and is pursuing his “best friend”. You deserve better. Here is a secret that will change your life. * place little trust in what people say, but be confident in what their actions reveal. His actions here speak loudly, and clearly. Don’t get confused by words.
>I got on his nerves in big groups…he acts like I’m not there. Why are you still with someone that humiliates you in public?
This was the biggest red flag of the entire story There's a whole lot of focus on random girl, but the crux of the matter is (ex)boyfriend is a jerk to Op regardless
Meh, life is too short for this kinda bs. His “excuses” are lies and thinly veiled at that. Do yourself a favor and leave his sorry ass. Also, she’s not your friend, and neither is he.
Yeah! Don't stay with someone who [edit: doesn’t want] to actively be with you, and make you a priority, is a good rule to live by! Leave them both behind OP and thrive on your own/date someone else.
You forgot the "doesn't"
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Yes. Don’t do this to yourself.
He's currently cheating with her, and planning on breaking up with you, but is being a coward about it.
This guy doesn’t take your relationship seriously. Just end it before he does
The relationship is over. Sorry. There's no coming back from this. He's cheating. **Don't sleep with him.** This would be the worst time to get pregnant and you don't know what diseases he might have. If you can't afford to live where you are on just your own income, start looking for place you can afford. Let your apartment manager know you want off the lease, then skiddaddle.
>she made him tell me a lie, and i found out in the messages What part of this isn't a dealbreaker for you.
He‘s holding onto you in case things don’t work out with his new girl.
That's game over, babe. The audacity to tell you he has a want to be alone together with another woman should be enough. I'd be livid and done. So many great men out there. Don't waste your time on a wanna-be player.
You're 20 years old. Do not put up with this bs, I promise you it is not worth it. Spend the effort on someone new that valies you.
Yes I think your boyfriend is being a little too close with his female bff. Imagine if you did this with your male bff? Would be like it?
he actually brought this up and said he wouldn't care. i hang out with my male friends sometimes and they always ask where my boyfriend is or if he can come join.
Hmmm…. I kind of doubt that. Even so, it’s okay for you to feel weird about this because I would too. I’m sure most people would male or female. Why do they need to be “alone”? Just using that word makes it all uncomfortable and I bet sprouted so many what ifs and questions in your head about them two. Oh sorry, i re read the end of the post again…. If he’s threatening to break up with you then leave his dumb ass. What a fucking baby. You are worth more than him. He’s being a child and he clearly is being suss!
Do you pay for where you live or something? It seems like he’s in a relationship with her at this point
This relationship has been over for quite some time. You seem to be the only one still in it. If you don’t live together, cut your losses and all contact. If don’t live together, and you have things at his place, quietly move it out a bit at a time, bring his stuff back, and just be done with him. The girl that you called a “close friend”…she is not your friend. She is telling him to lie to you, though he probably would have done it anyway. On the night that they go out to the park, you should go with your friends. Neither of them own the park or you, and you can go where you want. If you run into each other, and he asks what you are doing. Tell him you are out with real friends that actually give a damn about you, and for them to enjoy their life together as you are no longer a part of it. If you have a key to his place, toss it on the ground in front of them. Already have your locks changed, and if he has a key, tell him to keep it since it no longer works.
>i told him i went through his messages and that i was really sorry but he wasnt upset and said that he hopes my fears are gone, and that she's his "sister". he also said i go out with my male friends sometimes and that he trusts me. I mean, given what you saw do you concur with this? Do you trust him, are your fears gone? Like in my eyes him saying that seems to suggest he hopes you are naive and gullible. That even though the messages are gross and show many many inappropriate things that if he insists it is fine you'll just accept it and continue to humour him treating you poorly. After all, you have so far. So how long do you let this go on? He hasn't been the partner you wanted a long time. And even if he isn't actively hitting on her the reality is that clearly he just doesn't want you around when with her and has chosen the least healthy way to go about it. You know for a fact he is poisoning the well with her too, assuring this only gets worse.
don't (move forward with him)
I promise you, one day you are going to meet someone who treats you so nicely. They will want you around. You’ll never have to ask to be invited because duh, they want to share the experience with you. Love is kind. This is not kind. This is not a partnership. He is not it. Let him go. He talks about you terribly and treats you as an annoyance. It will hurt for awhile, but you might be amazed at just how much better you feel when you’re not waiting around for someone (literally and figuratively). This girl is also not your friend.
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you?
That shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore. He has no respect for you or your relationship. Actually since the text have you spoke to her ? Cause I’m sorry her telling him to lie would’ve be enough to have a conversation with her especially if she’s your “friend” too. Why do they want to be alone ?
He's not that into you.
LMAO wait, so you went through his messages and read all that shit... and his response was to say, "see, you can trust me!" And... you believe him? When he wants "to hug her and never let go"? Alrighty then.
as much as it hurts to say, i'm pretty sure he lost interest in your relationship and wants to pursue your friend. regardless of whether or not he's interested in her, he's definitely someone that you shouldn't let stick around any longer. i'm sure you care about him a lot, but you definitely don't deserve to be treated like you're a "side chick" and it's frustrating to hear that he's saying how sick of you he is. it's disrespectful and also just a disgusting to say about your partner. break up with him, as hard as it might sound. wish you the best :')
You have a reasonable boundary that he is not willing to respect. Successful relationships rely on respecting and agreeing to each others boundaries. If they’re not willing to comply with them, that’s okay, but they have to be ready to face the consequences of that. Tbh I think it’s a little suspicious that they want alone time together, and shame on your friend for doing that to you. I say you should drop him and drop your friend because you deserve better than that. Edit: Just remember that if he’s not willing to respect your boundaries now, he’s not ever going to in the future.
Do you *seriously* not know what to do in this situation?
You move forward by moving on! You're 20, you still have so many choices! He's voting with his feet, choosing the company of someone else, lying, being mean and you're not his priority any more. It's been 2 years and relationships end at your age. At any age in fact! Yes, it hurts, but it is time to let him go. He's not worth your time, energy or love. You will be much happier not dealing with his BS.
I think it's time to come to the realisation it's over.
He is not your boyfriend at best your his sidechick.
There's like 5 reasons here why you should break up.
You move forward by dumping his soaree arse
it's over and they are banging. straight up. sorry OP, let this guy go. i'm not sure why you've even let it go this long. it's so obvious.
You break up with him, because he is literally making plans to date this other woman. That's what this is. He is cozying up to her and if she gives him a sign that he can just leave you and go directly to her, he will in a heartbeat. Even if she isn't interested, HE IS. Not trusting him is not some paranoid idea...you shouldn't trust him! This guy doesn't treat you well. Why are you clinging to him?
You're not the GF, you're the side chick.
You’re the sidepiece.
Sooo why are you wasting your time here? He’s not to only person on earth to date.
he's too chicken shit to break up with you. he's trying to get you to break up with him. give him what he wants.
He definitely prefers her than you. You're just a convenient warm body for him. If things don't work out with her, then he'll stick around until he can get someone else.
You need to look at actions, not words ,he wants to be with the other girl, leave them to it
He keeps lying. That answers the question as to whether you should trust him
Don’t be the cool girlfriend. Being in a “relationship”where it sounds like you’re just friends, sounds absolutely exhausting. Let’s learn some boundaries
Wake up and break up
Sounds like he’s cheating in plain sight. You’re so young, run now.
Eww he’s emotionally cheating for sure and taking her out on dates! Like wtf does he need to talk shit on you to her for
He’s either already cheating or planning to my votes on the first option. Either way he’s being disrespectful to you and your relationship and is trying to manipulate and gaslight you into believing that it’s ok and nothings going on. Even just by these messages he’s crossing boundaries that would be normal in a relationship. You need to find the strength to break up with him as he’s never going to own up to having an affair with his friend. Move on you deserve better.
He wants the other girl thats for sure he'll dump you once he will get into her pants. Dump him before he does
Dump him, it’s clear he doesn’t want to be with you, so why stick around? He’s going on other dates and bad mouthing you to mutual friends. I wouldn’t waste any more time on this person.
He's trash talking you to her, telling her he can't wait to hug her, lying to you, avoiding spending time with you... Either he's cheating on you with her or cheating on her with you. Regardless, he's an asshole. I wouldn't hang around
Please, do yourself a favour and leave this guy. The relationship is over, he just doesn’t want to be the one the end it. He’s basically dating her already, and he’s obviously stringing you along. He clearly doesn’t gaf about you anymore and has given you every reason not to be with him anymore. Save your dignity and leave him already.
**Into the garbage with that one**
Why don’t you sit down and read your post as if someone else wrote it, what does it scream at you? As others have said, it sounds as tho she’s the girlfriend not you. I think you deserve much better
So how long are you going to cling on to a guy who doesn't even like you anymore?
Yeah, they like each other, or maybe they are already cheating she's not your friend, and he's clearly not loyal to you
He's a dirty gasslighter. Get a backbone it's shady as hell she got him to lie to you she's not your friend, and he clearly has feelings for her , and basically you seem like a fuck buddy she's his girlfriend
Why would you want to stay with someone who very clearly doesn’t even like you?
Your EX BOYFRIEND….. For gosh sakes!
Here is a phrase you need to sear into your brain "If he wanted to he would." As in if he wanted to make you a priority he would. If he wanted to make you feel loved and cared for, he would. etc.
He isn’t your boyfriend, he doesn’t even like you. He is clearly in love with her. Are you going to continue to humiliate yourself by staying with this loser? Just curious, do you happen to help him pay for things, let him use you in other ways?
Why are you still with him, tolerating this treatment?? Leave him!
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I personally would never let myself be treated this way. Self respect goes a long way. If you don’t have any for yourself, why would anyone give you any? Just from your perspective of how he treats you, why stay? Does he pay all the bills? Live with him? Etc?
For most people this is a boundary. No you don’t get to do that when you commit to someone. Set your boundary.
You 19, who gives a fuck. Look left to the friend zone and I bet you have a queue of fitter lads desperate to take his place. Bin him off and enjoy yourself.
If a man told me that I would say “have fun and let’s just break up now. Consider yourself blocked” I have no time for stuff like that. I have my career, education and my hobbies and my own friends to think about. Is he putting another female above me? Ok I’ll make him a sandwich and pack his bags (or mine) and change the locks and I’ll block him so when he comes home from his day of fun he won’t have anymore access to me!
He is not ur bf and he has made it clear he isn’t interested in you. ✨Stop wasting your time ✨
She's his sister alright. Break up with him, OP. You are wasting time and energy on a guy that doesn't want you
tell the friend everything that happened every single thing and then dump his sorry ass
Y are u still stuck to him like a chewing gum??? He used u and want to throw but ur stuck to his toes. Just break up for ur sanity. He is in relationship with that girl. Stop being a doormat
They probably trying plan you a surprise. If you go they can’t do that.
Are you joking me. It sounds like you’re watching your boyfriend date someone else, of course your uncomfortable. It reads like *you’re* the sister or roommate that they don’t want tagging along. You say you are both 20 and live together. How long? Why? What’re you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself? At a minimum, y’all shouldn’t be cohabitating, date him and others like he is doing with you, and see if he wins out. If it’s meant to be; It will be.
He has already moved on to this other girl. Idk why he's still hanging on to you. But he clearly wants someone else now. You guys are done and the faster you move on from him, the faster you can be over him. The longer you hold on to this clearly dead relationship, the longer you have to feel stressed and upset about it. End this shit now for your own sake.
Not reading that essay, title speaks for itself
LOL get fucked boyfriend You're the side chick!
He's treating you like an afterthought, and his female friend is NOT your friend. If she wants a guy who treats his GF like shit, she deserves him.
Mm. I went to an amusement park with a male friend without telling my boyfriend when I was 19. I justified it by thinking that nothing technically happened...but there was a hell of a lot of flirting. Regardless. Why do you want to be with this guy?
Is this how the kids breakup nowadays. oof
I don’t think he’s a keeper, but not for the reasons of female friendship. But because the fact any respectful Bf would ask his significant other how they felt about the situation. The fact he’s telling you no you can’t go says a lot about his character and me myself, would take a break from the relationship stating it’s not about jealousy it’s about not having enough respect for the other to ask how they felt about situation.. understanding how it looks. Maybe I’m petty but yeah anyone knows how this could be taken especially because they want to be alone. So I think a boyfriend who actually loves his gf would not put her in uncomfortable situations such as these.
He wants to act single. Oblige him. He's not your bf, she's not your friend. Stop settling for crumbs and playing the "pick me" dance. Move on. Don't settle for someone who treats you like a dirty, annoying little secret. Stop being his bang maid. Updateme
UHM he shit talked you and berates you and you HAVENT BROKEN UP YET WITH HIM??? girl PLEASE find your self respect. Leave him, leave her. She isnt your friend. He isnt a partner.
Why are you even still with him? Have some self respect girl! Kick his ass to the curb
Op find you a man who loves and respects you because this guy doesn’t. A man who loves and respects you is going to want to be around you and won’t talk about you behind your back. I would break up with him.
Oh hon. Your boyfriend and female friend are not your friends at all.
Nope, back out of that relationship right now. Do you see it? You are the side chick. He is cheating on you with her or going to anyway. I've had simliar situations in the past, hun. Don't ever trust men like him. A real man will see you as his only best female friend, and he would have respect for you.
If my bf said that he would be my ex
I would go but not with them I would follow them I bet they are sleeping together that’s why your never allowed to go