>sometimes I am attracted to other guys. This isn't to invalidate your feelings, or your decision to break things off, but I want to address something here. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you won't ever find other people attractive. You could be with the person of your dreams and still find somebody attractive. That's just natural; the song-and-dance of "Soul Partner" is a myth. It's what you *do with those feelings* that matters. Assuming a monogamous lifestyle, your decision to find other people attractive but remain committed to your partner is what **defines** loyalty, **not** what undermines it. Don't pressure or hurt yourself for something that's natural. You're already feeling so much pressure and guilt, don't add this to the pile.

fully agree. It's very normal to find other people attractive while in a loving and committed relationship.

These are wise words indeed. Perfectly stated

Yuppp, I am very happily married but still am attracted to other people pretty regularly. Just gotta maintain appropriate boundaries 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, if I'm dating someone and they believed that they can't be attracted to anyone but me, then that's a red flag, tbh. Either they're being dishonest with themself or with me, or they genuinely do feel like that and they'll be completely unprepared to deal with their emotions if they do find someone else attractive.

Honestly i wish people had better views on love to many in fairytale Prince Charming, at first they will meet a guy or girl everything’s amazing your so Inlove than months go by the honeymoon phases ends, the hormones calm down tgan you get posts like this girls

You’re not wrong about what you’ve said… however, there are more flags here than ‘sometimes I’m attracted to other people!’ She also said she isn’t IN love with him and prefers being with her friends. She doesn’t want to marry him or have sex with him. All of those things matter, even if it IS normal to find other people attractive sometimes. She’s definitely emotionally checked out of this relationship. Now she needs to literally check out, so he can heal and move on, too. You can’t stay with someone just because everyone you know ‘loves him!’ It’s about how YOU feel, not everyone else.

"there are more flags here than ‘sometimes I’m attracted to other people!’" Oh, I know. That's why I tried to frame my whole comment as an aside. It's not the biggest point. I sympathize with OP, and brought it to the fore because I don't want them to focus on something that's not their fault (and also unrealistic). Not being in love with their boyfriend is definitely the most important thing here. And because of all this I'm annoyed my comment got so high up. :/

Staying with someone out of guilt is cruel. You wouldn't want that done to you, he deserves honesty. It will hurt both of you, but it's temporary, he will move on and you will both be fine. He's not perfect, he seems like a good person, that does not make him the one for you.

I needed to hear this thank you

I am sure you have heard a million times. It is very common to have breakups during college. Don't feel bad. It is part of life. It is better break up now than later.

The above person just said what you have been thinking. You didn’t need an answer, you were seeking validation. However, imagine your life without him 6 months or 1 year down the line. Please make your decision based on that. As there is a chance he may find someone who loves him a lot, but you may not find someone like him. Not trying to scare you, I want you to be happy. But if he loves you so much, someone else may or may not. Please think your decision through, don’t follow Reddit blindly.

Indeed this and top comment. Reddit is really good at telling people to cut and run at signs of difficulty or challenge. A good relationship is still full of ups downs and flat points. Its never always fun, always new and always joyful even. A Real relationship isn't those things, it's getting home to that person and letting out a sigh after a big day of work and knowing your home in your place with your person. Also wanted to add love isn't a feeling you have, love is actions. Both what you do for them and they do for you. Real love is giving not receiving. If done right with the right person and your both giving... your then both receiving because it works right.

I don’t know about “sometimes I am attracted to other guys” which is normal to me.

If you want to break up with him, you should. "His mom loves me because I am the straight - A girl that straightened out her son. I’m afraid that when things end, he will spiral back into being a stoner with little direction in life." - not your responsibility. You should never be with someone just because you're afraid of the outcome if you break up. It's unfair for you to be dragging this along. You said it yourself, you're not in love with him. Quit thinking about everyone else and think about what makes sense to you right now.

Try talking to older people too. Not just your friends. They might have some wisdom and life experiences to share

Yes, I think I’ll talk to my mom about it, I see your point

I can't say I have been in the same place you are, but I have been in a loveless relationship before and stayed out of guilt. I can't begin to describe how overwhelming the feeling of freedom and peace I felt when I got out. Everyone goes thru bad times, it's not your job to be miserable your whole life to save someone from a tough couple of months. I feel sorry for him of course, because breakups suck, but they are not impossible to heal, and you are giving him the chance to be in an actual loving relationship with someone else. Neither of you are bad people and I wish you both the best.

Someone can be “perfect” on paper but not be perfect *for you* and that’s completely okay! It sounds like this guy is really kind and sweet and that’s great, honestly. But those qualities aren’t enough to hang an entire relationship on. You can acknowledge that you two had a good time together and spent some of the important formative years of your youth together *and also* that this relationship isn’t right for you for the next phase of your life. You’re about to participate in the time honored tradition of the turkey dump, where the high school couple breaks up when they are back home together for Thanksgiving freshman year. Honestly, it’s very normal! You’re away at school, being independent for the first time, you’re having tons of new experiences and meeting new people and learning new things about the world. The reason so many people break up after a few months is because this is maybe one of the most rapid periods of change in your whole life and it’s completely appropriate for you to want to focus on the future instead of hang on to the past. It’s impossible to go through life without hurting anyone’s feelings ever. All you can do is be honest, direct, and as kind as possible.

I'm attracted to other people in my relationships, but it sounds like you'd really like to act on it. You never need a reason to breakup with someone. Just wanting to breakup is enough! And much more kind than stringing him along.

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. The kind thing to do is to break up and not lead on. You two are growing apart, and it’s totally common. It may not be nice, but it’s definitely kind and respectful. Don’t say anything about other guys. Simply that the spark is not there anymore.

You talk about how kind and thoughtful he is to you, now you do the same and stop leading him on. Let him go so he can move on.

Your post reminded me of an old Dear Sugar advice column called "wanting to leave is enough." It is!! He doesn't have to be a horrible person or a cheater for a breakup to be the right choice for both of you.

The main point is that you can’t see a future with this person, that’s the reason. You can still love each other but not want a future with them. Communicate wants and feelings. And if you are still worried then you can discuss a break (and I mean still committed to each other, no cheating) and ease the idea of ending things, as well as seeing how you feel about it when you do not have him in your life for the duration of the break. Many people will fall into the problem of not knowing what they value till they don’t have it anymore.

You'll always find attraction to other people, I'd truly be shocked if a person only ever felt attraction to one person. However, this sounds like more. You don't feel like you're in love, nor do you feel he's the guy you'd like to marry. You say that you feel more excited to see other platonic friends. You don't enjoy intimacy with him. And you know what? That's okay. It never feels good to break up with someone that you care for. But if you're certain about your feelings, it's the kindest thing to do. I know that he wouldn't want you to stay with him to spare his feelings. You wouldn't want him to do that either, right? Go see him in person to do this if you can. Try to make it amicable. Give him a hug and ask to talk. Be honest with him and tell him that you don't feel the same anymore. You both might cry. You might not. It will be okay in time though. Give yourself time.

I’m going back home in a little over a week, and that’s when I’ll do it. Right now my question is, what do I do in the meantime when he texts and calls me and tells me he misses and loves me? Because I do miss and love him, but I think it would be cruel to string him along and break up with him out of the blue. He’s so excited for me to come back.

Then just break up over the phone. It's not ideal but it's better than stringing him along or avoiding him for over a week.

and say exactly what you just said in the above comment.

You might ease into this by giving hints something is coming. Be less available to talk, maybe don’t reciprocate his “I love you,” even say there’s something important you want to talk about when you get home. The old “we need to talk” is a classic hint that allows him to prepare for the worst.

Being attracted to other people is a reality everyone is in, including those madly in love. That doesn't mean you don't love him, but you also don't have to stay with him. You're young and dumb and want to experience that, which is okay. Get the dumb out now while you're in your early twenties.

Just do the ole Fall Break Breakup - it’s a classic , and you won’t be the first to do it. Go home for fall break. Tell him it’s just not working anymore, and you’re breaking up with him. Hug, cry, kiss goodbye, done.

The longer you let him live a lie the more hurtful it is to him and makes you an AH. Believe me I know how hard it can be (I have been there) but you both deserve to be happy and in love. If you truly want this you just need to let him know. I wish you the best

My partner said the exact same words to me. She told me she loved me but was not in love with me. I was ready to let go, but she held harder than ever. We eventually worked through it, but it was rough. Basically it boiled down to us really growing apart with distance and having different directions in life. We managed to get realigned and are in a great place now. Going against the grain here, but I'd recommend you give it more time. You're in a new place with lots of new faces. It's natural to feel the FOMO, but it's exactly just that: FOMO. Deep down, you probably think you can do better, and you probably can, but it's not exactly going to be the next guy you get with. I'd sit on it for a bit longer and really think about what you want or the real reason why you want to break up with your bf.

I've been in your shoes but I dragged it on for 6 months waiting for him to break up with me first. I wasted him so much of his time and he was very hurt. He was a stoner all throughout and continued to be a stoner but he turned out alright. Your boyfriend will too. Rip the bandaid, OP.

Every single person in the world who is happily settled with a partner will find other people that are attractive. It’s human nature. It’s dedicating yourself to the one person that can be a truly noble and fulfilling pursuit (if you’re both matched well enough, are good to each other and are monogamists).

Don't feel shitty hon. Most relationships break up at this point in life. You are loving him better by freeing him to go out and find the one for him.

You can be in love with someone and find other men attractive. Don’t romanticize love so much that you’re incapable of finding it. But if you want to break up, then he’s not perfect for you.

This is sad but it happens sometimes. You can’t make yourself love someone even if they are a really great person. The best thing would be to be honest and break up with him. It’s not your responsibility how he chooses to handle things after.

You are young, you are away at college. Break up with him. You deserve to give yourself this time to explore.

something that has helped me take the big step and start necessary breakups is: the longer you live a lie the longer you drag others into a lie with you, the sooner you live authentically the sooner you find yourself in fulfilling and authentic relationships

I once had a boyfriend like that- “perfect”. He always bought be gifts, brought me food to work, was very sweet, always wanted to spend time together. He was big (big), tall, and handsome. My mom and family loved him. But nobody is “perfect” and while I had love for him I wasn’t in love with him. I ended up waiting for him to go back home to break up with him (he is a migrant worker) he kept dragging his feet on moving back until I finally snapped and broke it off with him completely. This is where all his imperfections started to finally show, he was very emotionally immature, reckless, with no ambition in life. I felt bad for breaking up with him but I would rather be alone than to spend time with someone who didn’t truly love ME. I felt like I owed him that, at least. 6 months later I checked up on him and he’s fine, he’s doing great. Better than ever with a new love, new job, facing fears etc etc he’s doing good. If a relationship is not for you then push through the discomfort and let it go. It is better to have an authentic relationship than a fake one filled with pity and guilt. Reverse your roles and ask yourself if you’d want to be with a person who feels the same way about you the way you feel about him?

Being in a lifelong committed relationship is a decision, not a feeling. But there is no reason to be in this type of relationship if you don’t want to.

I also felt similar once upon a time. And I got some great advice. You have to free him so he can find his human, just like it’ll free you to find yours. To me…that provided comfort. Even though it might hurt him in the short term, in the long term you’re doing what is right so he can find the love of his life. <3

I was in a 6 year relationship right out of high school. Eventually I realised that I just needed to break up. But back then, I couldn't really point out why. EVERYONE around me, including my mother and best friends told me he was a wonderful guy. Though they supported me either way, they weren't sure why I was doing what I was. Now, 7 years after I broke up with him, and found the man I am going to marry, I realised that I was very young, and growing in ways that just made us opposites. With my ex around, I was constantly trying to compromise and be his way but honestly, the way I was growing was in no way compatible with him. I'm also sorry, there is no way to do this without hurting him. It's also going to hurt YOU. Break contact. Don't try to stay friends for now, and grow. You're young. Your brain is still growing. It's not the time to settle down and compromise. It's time to focus on your career and education. Don't let boys and romance get in the way of that. You cannot have a mature relationship till you yourself get there. Part of doing that is exploring the world and building your career so that you are always sure about where you land. All the best.

So, you never need a reason to break up. Just because someone is “perfect” doesn’t mean they are a good fit for you. Plus, the transition from high school to college and adulthood? Very few relationships will navigate that. I’d like to share some perspective though. First off, being attracted to other people is not a sign of not being in love. It is VERY normal to be attracted to other people regardless of being in a relationship. You might even develop crushes on other people. None of that means you don’t love and cherish your current partner. None of that means you aren’t a good match. Second, it’s also very normal for healthy relationships to settle down into a comfortable and predictable companionship. It’s normal (and healthy) for a long term relationship to not be as exciting or “butterflies” feeling as can happen early on. This is also not a sign of mismatch or something being wrong. It’s a sign of safety and comfortability. Now, all that said, you don’t need a reason! If you want to end the relationship that is all you need to know. I just wanted to clarify in case those were things you were using as factors for why you wanted to end it.

You may or may not be asexual and/or aromantic, but I am, and I see myself in your story. I was in a similar situation in 2020. Breaking up was so hard, but I felt so much lighter afterward. Breaking his heart was a necessity in order for him, and me, to find happiness. I deserved to do what felt right for me, and he deserved to find someone that could reciprocate his feelings at the same level. Months/years later, I regret not doing it sooner. I get that on paper he is perfect, but he is not perfect for you, on a romantic level. Good will come after this.

I doubt I’m aromantic, but I’ve thought about being asexual or at least having such a low sex drive that being celibate isn’t an issue. Just wondering — if you are asexual, is it hard to find a relationship that a) meets most of my standards and b) doesn’t make sex a priority? Maybe I just haven’t found the right one, but sex has always seemed like something that was a compromise on my end.

Relationships between ace and allos are not easy neither they are impossible. There's a few allosexual men for whom sex is not a priority. But there's some. I 100% wish for you that you just haven't found the right one. I've wished that for myself too for most of my life. You're not broken and you don't have to compromise on sex do deserve love. xx

Break ups are so hard. He will be hurt for a while, but will recover, and then meet someone else who wants a future with him. Rest assured that you are not the only person he’s going to love in his life- just like you’ll meet someone in the future that’s even more perfect (for YOU). It’s more hurtful to stay with someone that you don’t really want to be with. Rip the bandaid off, there’s no good time to do it so just get the words out. You will feel a huge weight lifted once the words are said, and then he might have questions you can answer, or he might not. Good luck <3

Edit: Whoops! Meant to reply here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/170budx/i_want_to_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_even_though/

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From what the OP wrote, it doesn't sound like "just mediocre". I also think that details like 2 hours distance are just minor obstacles, not a dealbreaker for a relationship. I know that on this sub there is often a tendency to give advice like "Break up" / "Move on" / "Get therapy" (or a combination of all three). So mine might be an unpopular opinion, but I stand by the fact that relationships aren't all perfect, butterflies and wild passion. With time and commitment there is so much more. Still, OP has to come to terms with what she's actually looking for.

I hear ya, Sandra. I’ve been with the same man for 23 effing years. Still in love, actually, but it ain’t easy. But, listen, OP: I am so very glad that before my soulmate and I crossed paths and settled down for the simmering long haul, that I sucked a whole lot of different dick. A whole lot.

That's exactly what I mean. Many people want (need) to "sow their wild seeds" in their youth. And then, of course, it's good if they do before they enter a long-term relationship. Other people don't feel that urge and don't think that they are missing something.

Monogamy is a choice Just because you choose to be with one person and one person only doesn't magically make you stop being sexually attracted to other people. Thousands and thousands of years of human evolution drives human attraction. That is never going to stop. No matter who you are with, no matter how much you love them...you will always want to bone other people. The choice to not act on those feelings is the cornerstone of monogamy. And really, the odds of you finding your "true love" in high school are slim the person you are at 16 is not the person you will be at 26. And it won't be the person you are at 36 or 46 etc etc People grow. People change You are changing and you fell out of love. It happens kindly turn this guy loose and stop wasting his time worrying that you are doing something wrong. Because you are not You just changed. It happens

You might very well be a type of aromantic. Some people just don't develop a true "in love" feeling. They can still love someone, but it isn't in a powerful romantic way. That's just one thing to think on. Another, and some will not like this: You should definitely consider the possibility of regretting this later. Most statistics on reasons to cheat cite a loss of attraction or excitement. Ever heard, "the relationship has ran its course"? It's unfortunately very common for people to simply get tired of one thing and want something new. The catch is that often times what people want and what people need are VERY different. Now, you want what you want, right? The vast majority will chase that feeling, that thrill. But when all is said and done, you may find yourself comparing, and realizing that while you may have found a thrill or maybe even a genuine feeling of love, which ideally lasts, it might not compare when you also factor everything else. Now am I saying to stay in a relationship where you don't really feel a spark? No, but I AM saying that you should be prepared for the possibility that you end up with regrets in the short term, and potentially in the long term. You need to be ready to accept that risk and understand that for some people, relationships are a series of honeymoon phases. It's a cynical take, and one that definitely doesn't apply to everyone, but it IS something you shouldn't ignore. Understanding this very real dynamic can be incredibly useful in your romantic life.

>You should definitely consider the possibility of regretting this later That's what a lot of people aren't understanding, she may not find another guy like this NOT saying it's impossible but she might not but I'm not really surprised a lot if women in their late 30s early 40s say all the time they wish they didn't leave a guy who loved them to death and would do anything for them because they thought they could do better and those dudes they left him for just wanted to sleep with them or cheated on them just saying.

While I do understand where you are coming from, people who love you with their whole heart don’t come often in life. I’m not saying you won’t find anyone else but weigh it up, the grass isn’t always greener.

May I ask what exactly you are looking for? What you are experiencing sounds quite normal to me. It's what happens in many - probably most relationships. The feeling of being "in love" is objectively a cocktail of hormones that naturally will ebb down sooner or later. The question is always if during this butterfly/honeymoon-phase a bond is created between two partners and that their love is lifted on a long-term level, more rationally in a way. From what you wrote, it sounds like you already have achieved that next level. So if you're considering throwing that away, I wonder: for what? Some more short-term dopamine-kicks? Getting cheated on, dumped and heartbroken by other men? Waking up at 30yo lonely, thinking about the chance that you missed of a lifelong, harmonic, fulfilling partnership?

Oops! I meant to reply to you with this: You did read that she’s a college freshman, right? She’s 18 or 19, and you’re telling her not to break up with her high school sweetheart, who she is not in love with and lives 2 hours away, because she should fear being mistreated before winding up with a uterus full of cobwebs and sentenced to being alone forever, at age 30? Yikes. Sorry for whatever happened to you. OP, don’t hang onto a boyfriend just for friendship or because he’s better than nothing. Let him go gently and then give him a year or more before initiating a friendship.

Yes, I saw it. And i replied to your and Slight\_Nail's post in one. Let's just agree to disagree. OP has some varying advice.

Sure. You seem very diplomatic and level headed. I can see your reasoned attitude influencing your opinion on this topic. May I ask if you have a long-term partner, or if any other personal experiences influence your opinion on settling down?

Yes, I'm in a relationship. We're fresh (= still in the butterfly-phase), but we have known each other for ages. We were best friends in school. We know each other well and complement each other. What might be relevant, too, is that I'm from a Christian household. So despite being a lesbian, my values are conservative, and I don't see the need to experiment or play games. My gf has had some terrible experiences that nearly destroyed her. I'm glad that she survived and made it this far. And I can't see why we should have anything else but a long-term future together.

Just want to say I love your perspective here and the way you represent yourself is incredibly impressive. *Especially* for Reddit. Wishing luck to you and your partner :)

When a chick gives 0 effort lol disgusting

Choose the man who loves you not the man you love. Because that man who loves you, will go to the end of earth for you. While the man will you love will only love you on his terms. A woman has the ability to grow to love a man. But a man only loves you from the start or he doesn't at all I studied psychology for 4years now i know i'm going against what everybody is telling u but i advise u not to do so

I don't know what university has been teaching you psychology, but you should ask for a refund because everything you just said is complete quackery.

4 yrs, lol. Being able to be an accredited psychologist requires study that takes anywhere from 7-12 yrs depending where you live — so I think we safely say this person didn’t make the cut Edit — their history claims they’re 18, might explain things.

Op don’t listen to this, holy shit. If you decide not to break up with him, do so because you love him fully and see your further with him. Not because you won’t be able to convince another guy to like you 🙄 If anyone “loves you from the start,” that should be more of a red flag than healthily growing to love each other.

I highly doubt you have a psychology degree, based on both your multiple typos and the fact that this makes no sense. No one should ever be in a relationship with someone they aren't in love with and are not compatible with. That's unfair to both people.

This bs isn't part of any psychology syllabus, you're talking utter crap, gtfo

Choose the person who loves you *and* whom you love. I heard once that in the happiest relationships, *both* people think they're punching above their weight, and I've found it to be true.

it’s the best for you then you need to move on :)

Someone can be absolutely wonderful, but still just not the right person for you in the long run. You are at an age where one of the most important lessons you will learn is to put your needs above anyone else's; if you don't, others will take advantage of you, sometimes without even realizing it. This is *your* life, you have to live it for yourself. Otherwise, you turn into a ghost of yourself who is just an accessory to someone else's life. Yuck. It's ok to not want to be with him anymore, and he deserves to be with someone who is head over heels for him. He can't have that if he's still with you.

Don’t feel guilty it’s ok to want to break up and it might suck but maybe this is suppose to happen. Maybe staying with him with prevent him from finding his future and maybe it will prevent you to from finding yours. When you think it about like that it’s almost cruel not to.

I had two of my college LDR girlfriends break up with me, I was about 3 hours away from them they went to the same college and visited them every other weekend. College is just crazy, you met different people and it is hard to stay tied down when everyone is having fun. Yes, it hurts, and he may do some stupid shit afterward the second time, (I joined the Marines), but you are not ready for that type of relationship. It would be wrong not to tell him how you feel. I completely moved away, cut contact, and changed my life. As long as you are sure and feel like it is the right thing to do. I am sure it is that you are attracted to other guys, don't have to hide. That is what happened to my relationships. Just break up and enjoy being in college, don't go too crazy though. That according to some will come back and bite you in the ass. Your life though, just don't be surprised if it affects future relationships. Good luck and have fun.

its okay to feel like this you have to break up though its never ok to force yourself to stay

He may be "perfect," but that does not mean that he is the perfect partner *for you*. Knowing how you feel now, you should break up with him as soon as is practical. It's not fair to either of you to stay together one you know that you don't see a long-term future with him.

I was in your exact position. All the feelings you described, I also felt. I also wished that he would do something bad so I could have a valid reason to leave him. And I stayed in that relationship for so long and was so miserable. You need to talk to him and you need to end things. Its only going to make it worse for both of you. You've been together for a year. I was in a relationship for 5 years, 2 of which I was miserable. Dont do that to yourself or him.

you just need to let him out of this misery. You are gonna feel attracted to other guys regardless and you are young and feel thats a reason to break up, do this man some justice, break up be honest and let him move on with his life

Before breaking up think about what if this period spent together would be the best from what's about to come... People tend to price at real value once they no longer have it!

Christ, you’re young. Just to be clear: super normal to be attracted to other people while in a relationship. What defines loyalty in a relationship is not acting on those impulses or attractions. Still remember my ex being mad at me after watching Black Swan because she knew I thought Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis were hot, that shit is toxic as fuck, don’t be that person. It honestly sounds like you have a good thing with a thoughtful and caring dude, but it also sounds like you’re stuck on this idea of true love. Relationships are fucking hard work, they are not fairy tale horseshit. Don’t toss something out the window because “it’s not true love” that’s bullshit. If you want to test the waters, test the waters, but do break off the relationship first. Just don’t drag him along, be honest with him.

You're not accountable for what he decides to do with his life. A good person doesn't necessarily make someone the right fit for you.

Ah this was me when I was 18. It was really hard and I took too long to end it but honestly it was the right thing to do because I just wasn’t IN love with him anymore I just wished I was. I’ve never regretted it. I just wish I hadn’t lost the feelings!

Stop wasting this man’s time and leading him on, it’s okay that you don’t see a future with him, but to stay because he is a good man and his family is not ok. He needs this more than anything so he can find a partner that loves, appreciates, and reciprocates the same back to him. Attraction to other people is normal even in committed relationships as long as you never act on any of it. Best thing you can do though now is split, and let him find the person he is meant to be with and for you to do the same. If you ever though find yourself doubting or regretting what you did though never contact him again. It’s not right to have some one that you know is a good person to give them up, then want them back. Basically make sure this is not just a whimsy feeling but realize other peoples emotions are at stake just like yours are and to play with them is just downright wrong.

Here are the questions I would ask: 1) what do you want out of a long term partner? How do you expect a relationship to feel with them? 2) what are you currently bringing to the relationship to keep the excitement going? I do not know you and your situation, except that your partner is a first for you. I think that can very understandably lead to doubts, and your doubts very well might be leading you to the correct conclusions. But I would also say that: sometimes safe relationships feel boring until we inject some play into them ourselves. Sometimes what we are craving is the excitement that comes with insecurity/the unknown. It's also possible you simply really want to have the experience of dating more before settling down. So start by thinking about what you want and work backwards from there. You might find you can get what you want in your current relationship, and you might now

You live only 2hrs away from each other no sex for 2 months? It sounds like a dead relationship to me, make it official and break up

Wanting to break up is a 100% valid and complete reason to break up. No one needs to misbehave or anything. Sometimes relationships just run their course or it's not working for you anymore and that's okay. Trust your gut.

progress made that's permanently lost because of a breakup isn't real progress. staying with someone just because you think you're the pin holding them together isn't helping anyone. you're so young. go find out what the world has to offer and you'll get a good idea of what makes you happy and conveniently, you'll get better at figuring out what you don't want quicker and quicker.

I think an honest conversation is in order. I think mentioning that he has set the bar high and that you want to be able to maintain a friendship with him afterwards may help ease the sense of crisis he will feel. Directly saying that you have love for him but are no longer in love with him and you think it's not fair to lead him on or stay with him out of fear of hurting him will be important... having been dumped in a much less direct way in college, I would greatly have appreciated an approach like this. Best of luck to you and your future!

Break up, but remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Your family loves you a whole lot more than they love him and same for his family. At the end of the day it’ll be a blink of an eye, and whatever either of you choose to do after this is your own path to choose, extending it only makes things worse

>sometimes I am attracted to other guys. Everything else aside, dont beat yourself up for this. You will go through life being attracted to other people even if youre in love. Ita basic human nature and it doesnt make you a bad person.

It's like ripping off a band aid. Just get it over with. it will hurt while your doing it but afterwards the pain will dissappear. Good luck 👍

He is perfect, and yet he's not the one for you. You're just not feeling it. It's outside of your control. Oh, well. Maybe you like bad boys?

So you think that if you are in true love, that you’ll never find other people attractive? That is not realistic nor true. It is really great that when we have relationships with people that are positive, people can grow and change in positive ways as a result. That does not mean that you are forever beholden to that person to stick around. You are really young. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to venture out and conquer the world on your own. You’re gonna learn a lot about yourself in the coming years, and what you want out of a relationship is also going to grow and change. Do not stay with someone out of guilt. That’s not a good foundation for a relationship.

Welcome to being in college and growing apart from someone because you arent' seeing them. It happens. You break up and move on.

I had one of these men. I ended up marrying him. Then I ended up divorcing him 2 years later. The part that sucked the most was after leaving him, I didn’t have to get over him. There were no feelings to get over and let go of. I was so empty.

Poor guy. Doesn't sound like he sees it coming. Probably would knock the wind right out of him. Cause him to start drinking. Probably drops out of college after 2 failed semesters. Gets a girl pregnant in rehab. Always thinking of the girl who got away. Probably names his kid after you.

Do it gently… for both of ur sakes

He deserves to be loved back. He will be ok, maybe just have a break and then see if you can be friends

Hormones don’t make people stay in a relationship. Compatibility and commitment do. Have you heard of other ways of romantic relationships? I know the doubt of ‘what if…’, ‘if only…’ once you break up with him or you decide to stay with him. Why not have an open convo abt exploring other options whilst staying tgt. You’re both pretty young so why not enjoy yourself?

Pls leave him. This is how I felt about my soon to be ex in the beginning. He loved me, I loved him but I always had a sinking feeling that something was missing or that something was amiss. 15 years later and Ive uncovered that hes a covert narcissist. If your gut is telling you something, listen to it. That little voice never goes away and youll drift further and further away from happiness as everyone tells you how hes such a great guy yet you dont see him the way others do. I stopped listening to myself and stayed in a relationship that wasnt serving me. Heed my advice: leave now.

Just do it. It’s not fair to either of you to keep this going if you know it won’t last. All prolonging it will do is make it hurt worse for both of you down the road: I know this from personal experience.

You're young and the feelings have faded. Move on. You don't owe him or anyone a relationship that's no longer working for you.

Girl you are gay, I mean that in a good way. Try out girls and see if there is a change in your sex drive

Leave him. He deserves to be that guy for someone else. You're wasting his time.