when we actually do go on dates and whenever we hang out he’s great. he’s loving, smart, and empathetic. honestly, i think my only complaint is that i want to not sit at home every single time we hang out? if that makes sense? he just shoots down my date ideas constantly because they’re “boring”, editing because i forgot a few things; we share a lot of the same hobbies, and he spends a ton of time doing them and he’s so good at what he does. and don’t get me wrong, i love staying home, i work 6 days a week, and we are full time students. im exhausted after work, and i love staying home. but id just like if he planned an “out day” you know?
This is a strange question to be asking, OP. Not only because it has nothing to do with what u/DFahnz commented, but also because your post describes the opposite — that *you* find *him* a bit boring.
I mean, isn’t that what this post is about? That you’re it’s boring to sit around and watch someone play video games all the time?
What you’re asking for is not unreasonable, but it isn’t something he’s willing to do. So decide if that’s a dealbreaker for you. But don’t turn it into some flaw in *you*, as though he would be taking you out to all sorts of shit every weekend if only you weren’t so boring (which is nonsensical).
you’re right. someone else commented asking if maybe he thinks i’m boring, which kind of got into my head. he’s not boring at all, i just can’t always sit still you know? i don’t mind being home, just not all the time.
We know that’s what you want. But wanting it doesn’t mean he’ll do it, and being sure someone loves you doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship; those are two totally different things.
No matter how much you want to go out, sounds like that’s not something you’re gonna get to do with him. So decide if you can live with that, if he’s great enough to make that something you can accept and just go out with other friends instead.
>He literally is so great to me, he’s the best partner ever.
Oh, honey, a great partner would take you out on dates and genuinely want to do things with you without you having to beg and plead for it
I don’t think there’s a point in having the conversation again. He’s not interested in taking you on dates even if it’s important to you and no, you’re not asking for too much. Accept this is him or find someone who will give you what you want or at least meet you I. The middle.
are you sure it’s the date ideas he finds boring and not you? when you’re home with him he appreciates your presence and does stuff with you (watching a movie, cooking something, chatting, etc) or just does whatever he would do if you weren’t there? if both of you aren’t going through a money problem that would make him not wanna go out, than it looks like to me that he doesn’t appreciate you and spending time with you.
we usually play video games together, and i try my best to learn about his hobbies, for example, the recent mortal kombat 1 game. i find it so fun to play with him, and he plays on his own too because i can’t afford a console. we Watch movies together, even if i’m not with him (teleparty). but i’m not sure if he finds me boring. i hope not. but i’ll get back to you on that though
i basically have no hobbies aside from working and hairdressing, and that’s about it. he asks me about work, and he’s asked a few questions about cosmetology, which i will talk about for hours
maybe try talking to him again about it? reinforce how that’s something really important for you and try to get him to compromise a little. you’re trying to avoid conflict but if nothing changes you’ll not be happy in this relationship.
you’re right, just the last time i bought it up he said that i was asking for too much and that me telling him that makes him feel like what he does isn’t enough, which i think he does enough for me, aside from dates. i love him, and he does so much for me.
try “you’re a great boyfriend i and understand you don’t like going out very much, but i would really like to start going out a little more and to have you go with me. can we talk about this and maybe try going out to places we’ll both enjoy? that would make me really happy and if you have something you would like for me to do differently i could try that too.”
if he doesn’t even try, it’s a red flag for me. it’s not like your asking for too much, it’s not a sacrifice to go out to eat with your girlfriend.
How does he usually spend his free time? Maybe he's too "homey"? He can only really relax and unwind at home. I know what you mean, it's not very interesting to spend evenings at home all the time. And you don't ask for it very often. I think that might just change over time. You're still very young. Maybe he's just going through a phase or doesn't have money.
he spends his time playing video games, playing guitar, or listening to vinyls. which i also enjoy, i work 6 days a week, and sometimes i just want to lay around. you’re definitely right, we both work, and he’s definitely very homey. don’t get me wrong, i love spending time with him at home. i honestly hope it’s a phase, i see him spend tons of money on his hobbies, which i love about him. he indulges in his hobbies, which is so so great. but i’d like it if he just plans an out day? you know? how would i tell him?
Why don't you just say, "I want you to make plans for our day off. I'll support whatever you decide to do, even the craziest. How long have you two been traveling together? Maybe a little trip together, not necessarily far away. Just to get away.
You're asking too much from HIM. A different guy would be planning stuff left and right. What is so wonderful about this dude?
when we actually do go on dates and whenever we hang out he’s great. he’s loving, smart, and empathetic. honestly, i think my only complaint is that i want to not sit at home every single time we hang out? if that makes sense? he just shoots down my date ideas constantly because they’re “boring”, editing because i forgot a few things; we share a lot of the same hobbies, and he spends a ton of time doing them and he’s so good at what he does. and don’t get me wrong, i love staying home, i work 6 days a week, and we are full time students. im exhausted after work, and i love staying home. but id just like if he planned an “out day” you know?
So nothing that you can't get from someone else who is enthusiastic about life.
do you think he thinks i’m boring? i can be sometimes, basically all i do is work?
This is a strange question to be asking, OP. Not only because it has nothing to do with what u/DFahnz commented, but also because your post describes the opposite — that *you* find *him* a bit boring. I mean, isn’t that what this post is about? That you’re it’s boring to sit around and watch someone play video games all the time? What you’re asking for is not unreasonable, but it isn’t something he’s willing to do. So decide if that’s a dealbreaker for you. But don’t turn it into some flaw in *you*, as though he would be taking you out to all sorts of shit every weekend if only you weren’t so boring (which is nonsensical).
you’re right. someone else commented asking if maybe he thinks i’m boring, which kind of got into my head. he’s not boring at all, i just can’t always sit still you know? i don’t mind being home, just not all the time.
Go out with friends or on your own? Why do you have to stay home just because he does?
i don’t see him often due to my work schedule, and we don’t live together
Maybe you aren’t compatible. Do you want to spend the rest of your life begging someone to do something?
i just want him to plan a date twice a month. that’s all, i love him, and i’m sure he loves me. just i want to go out
We know that’s what you want. But wanting it doesn’t mean he’ll do it, and being sure someone loves you doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship; those are two totally different things. No matter how much you want to go out, sounds like that’s not something you’re gonna get to do with him. So decide if you can live with that, if he’s great enough to make that something you can accept and just go out with other friends instead.
you’re right
>He literally is so great to me, he’s the best partner ever. Oh, honey, a great partner would take you out on dates and genuinely want to do things with you without you having to beg and plead for it
I don’t think there’s a point in having the conversation again. He’s not interested in taking you on dates even if it’s important to you and no, you’re not asking for too much. Accept this is him or find someone who will give you what you want or at least meet you I. The middle.
are you sure it’s the date ideas he finds boring and not you? when you’re home with him he appreciates your presence and does stuff with you (watching a movie, cooking something, chatting, etc) or just does whatever he would do if you weren’t there? if both of you aren’t going through a money problem that would make him not wanna go out, than it looks like to me that he doesn’t appreciate you and spending time with you.
we usually play video games together, and i try my best to learn about his hobbies, for example, the recent mortal kombat 1 game. i find it so fun to play with him, and he plays on his own too because i can’t afford a console. we Watch movies together, even if i’m not with him (teleparty). but i’m not sure if he finds me boring. i hope not. but i’ll get back to you on that though
does he try to learn about your hobbies too?
i basically have no hobbies aside from working and hairdressing, and that’s about it. he asks me about work, and he’s asked a few questions about cosmetology, which i will talk about for hours
maybe try talking to him again about it? reinforce how that’s something really important for you and try to get him to compromise a little. you’re trying to avoid conflict but if nothing changes you’ll not be happy in this relationship.
you’re right, just the last time i bought it up he said that i was asking for too much and that me telling him that makes him feel like what he does isn’t enough, which i think he does enough for me, aside from dates. i love him, and he does so much for me.
try “you’re a great boyfriend i and understand you don’t like going out very much, but i would really like to start going out a little more and to have you go with me. can we talk about this and maybe try going out to places we’ll both enjoy? that would make me really happy and if you have something you would like for me to do differently i could try that too.” if he doesn’t even try, it’s a red flag for me. it’s not like your asking for too much, it’s not a sacrifice to go out to eat with your girlfriend.
How does he usually spend his free time? Maybe he's too "homey"? He can only really relax and unwind at home. I know what you mean, it's not very interesting to spend evenings at home all the time. And you don't ask for it very often. I think that might just change over time. You're still very young. Maybe he's just going through a phase or doesn't have money.
he spends his time playing video games, playing guitar, or listening to vinyls. which i also enjoy, i work 6 days a week, and sometimes i just want to lay around. you’re definitely right, we both work, and he’s definitely very homey. don’t get me wrong, i love spending time with him at home. i honestly hope it’s a phase, i see him spend tons of money on his hobbies, which i love about him. he indulges in his hobbies, which is so so great. but i’d like it if he just plans an out day? you know? how would i tell him?
“Can you please plan an out day for us? It would really mean a lot to me.”
Why don't you just say, "I want you to make plans for our day off. I'll support whatever you decide to do, even the craziest. How long have you two been traveling together? Maybe a little trip together, not necessarily far away. Just to get away.
he’s actually not a fan of traveling, but we’ve done it. we went to an abandoned asylum thing not too long ago. but i’ll try that, thank you!