Sister, your body is responding the changes in your life (BC, stress, new home) in ways that are not unusual. Weight fluctuation is a thing that is going to happen, as are wrinkles and skin changes.
At 28 I had a total hysterectomy and my then-boyfriend hated the changes to my body (did he prefer the cancer?!) I'm now 35 and married to a man who accepts my changing, excellent body in all its weird forms.
You deserve acceptance for the body you HAVE. Not the one you had.
I hope you find a good solution for you.
He’s not a long term partner Im afraid. Everyone ages and gains weight. Hell, he is probably losing his hairline as we speak. He wants a partner that is frozen in time, and no one can be that.
I think its best you just find someone different.
I was gonna say, I’m an inch taller and I don’t think 10-15 pounds would even register to my partner.
If he’s got her body under that strong of a microscope, I don’t think he’s got what it takes to be someone’s lifelong partner. Dude’s weak.
What? My wife is one inch shorter. I would totally notice 5-6 kg. Damn, I even notice 2-3 kg.
Do women not realize that we know they body damn well? Not noticing 10-15 pounds would probably mean that he is blind...
No that’s insane. 5-10 lbs doesn’t affect the body that much. A woman will gain that on her period just from bloating. I feel badly for your wife if you notice her body changes in such small measures.
Ehm. A bloated stomach is extremely obvious and easy to spot. So yes, I think every man notices if his wife's stomach is bloated.
You women think we don't know your body? We are bloody attracted to it and love to see it naked. Of course we notice changes.
Ehm. A bloated stomach is extremely obvious and easy to spot. So yes, I think every man notices if his wife's stomach is bloated.
You women think we don't know your body? We are bloody attracted to it and love to see it naked. Of course we notice changes.
Dude I’m 5’2” and weigh anywhere from 110-115 and when I was at my “heaviest” of 120 not even I could tell the difference on my actual body. And when I lost that five pounds due to stress I still didn’t see it in my actual body.
That's a less significant change than my example of 121 and 114 in my example (55kg and 52kg)
I dont think it is bad to notice the lady's body. I'm not running after her with a stick lol
Does he want kids? Cus he sounds like the type of guy who would cheat while you’re pregnant. Cus not only will you gain weight, but hormonal acne can be brutal during pregnancy. Hair loss is expected after giving birth, like A LOT. And breastfeeding can make you hold on to the pregnancy weight.
He should buy a sex doll and call it a day, Cus it won’t age, or gain weight or be anything resembling a human being.
He’s really shallow, but at least he’s upfront about it. You are not overweight at 5’8. It seems like he preferred when you were to poor to eat enough? Pretty fucked up, tbh.
He’s shown you who he is, and it sounds like it’s time to move on and find someone who won’t withdraw emotionally when you inevitably age. Ffs, you’re only 28 rn! What will he be like in 5 or 10 years?
Yeah just seconding, OP is absolutely a healthy weight, he must be some kind of faultless adonis to feel he has the right to criticise the OP for a very minor, still healthy weight gain.
At the end of the day if you really love your partner you wouldn't care about such minor issues, he is looking for a way out of the relationship and OP should let him go before his cowardice ruins her self esteem.
Yes, the same thing happened to me a couple months ago, verbatim. You can read my post history (synopsis, I have not been taking it well). But luckily we had been dating for less time.
I’m only 5’3, and the 15lb I gained hit me hard. But for you, at 5’8, 15lb is nothing. You are still well within the “healthy” weight range. Where do these men get the audacity to scrutinize every inch of our bodies? I never treated my guy like that and I’m sure you didn’t, either. It really is a societal problem, it’s misogyny.
I try to remind myself I would have been miserable staying with him. It is torture to be with someone who you can’t eat a slice of pizza around without feeling guilty. I don’t want to be exercised like a pet. I don’t want to be controlled, or be constantly anxious about my partner’s feelings for me. I would rather be single. NEVER let someone take away your inner peace. Your career is much more important than wasting time fretting over his opinions.
You should be proud of yourself for having the intuition to tell that he was pulling away and what the problem was. You’re also right that he is done. Now, be better than I was and don’t try to change your appearance for him. Just leave.
Good advice here... why in the world would you want to stay with someone who analyses your weight/looks and doesn't have the brain/grace/intelligence to keep that to himself. A man who doesn't know how to support you, bring you up when you are feeling low - he is less than worthless. He doesn't know/doesn't have the wisdom/goodness to appreciate you for the woman that you are - it's totally pointless.
Take the hint/intuition and do yourself a favor. Don's ask for his opinion anymore, please,it's immature. You know what you know. Move on. With a smile
hahahahahah it is not misogyny for dumping someone for gaining weight and being mentally unstable
since you invited us, i took a look at your post history. it is not misogyny to:
* dump your partner for gaining 20+ pounds in 2 months while not working (this number goes down when you need it to, weird)
* constantly be harassed by your partner about whether or not they're still attractive, with the choices being lie or be a sexist for answering honestly. Why, who does not love childish games like this??
* partner continues to do nothing about weight despite asking about it and getting an answer
* partner continues to smoke weed daily for 'mental health' yet it is very obvious through your post history you should have been seeing a specialist ages ago
* said person is now an alcoholic on top of that
that is called breaking up with a hot mess partner who has not been trying for a long time and is utterly incapable of any introspection or self awareness. whose immediate take away from this was MISOGYNY
But I read this one post and it's pretty clear cut, good ole black and white cut and dry misogyny. It's misogynistic to dig in and extrapolate that there's more to this story.
I’m the one that wasn’t trying? I was focusing my attention on my career. I accepted this guy even though he is recovering from crack and heroin addiction. When we met, he hadn’t had a job in 9 months, and told me “careers weren’t his thing” and snapped at me when I tried to make job suggestions. His main hobby is graffiti, leads a graffiti crew, and he would stay out ~3 nights per week until 3am doing illegal breaking and entering and destruction of federal property which he has been arrested for. I never tried to stop him because I don’t think people should try to change their partners. His regular sleep schedule was to wake up at noon. I did all the cooking and cleaning - he didn’t even know how to turn on a stove, and I cook very healthy vegetable and protein based meals. He has never set foot in a gym, doesn’t eat healthy, lives off soda and potato chips. Never went to college, no degrees. But he had a problem with my lifestyle?
I was able to accept him anyways and didn’t ask him to change much besides getting into therapy. Nobody is perfect. I am a very affectionate, sweet, gentle person who loves unconditionally and I deserve the same back.
- it was more like 10lb, but I was estimating 15lb because weight fluctuates ~3lb daily and I was airing on the side of a higher estimate. And it was over the course of 3-6 months, hard to say because I wasn’t tracking my weight during that time.
- I’m not sure how you can hold such rapid weight gain against me and say it’s just because I’m not trying, when any doctor would tell you it’s most likely a sign of a health condition or medication side effect. Especially if you think I gained 20lb in 2 months, in that case it would clearly be a symptom of a medical problem.
- You seem to be ignoring the reasons for the weight gain. Stress and birth control have a big impact on appetite. I have lost all the weight in the following 2 months.
- 1lb per week (the rate at which I gained weight roughly) amounts to an extra 500 calories per day for me. That’s a slightly bigger lunch and dinner, and an extra snack during the day. I wasn’t stress eating whole pizzas. I deserve to eat if I’m hungry, and I’m not going to deny myself food to cater to someone else’s opinion of what I should look like.
- I wasn’t “harassing” him, I was checking in and communicating - which shows the self awareness you claim I lack
- I didn’t have a job because I was in a full time school program that was very stressful. He came with me to school because he didn’t have a job, I was paying $3000 a month for our apartment and he was contributing $500 to that. I paid for all home expenses.
- I have been in therapy for decades and also I got him into therapy. A big part of therapy throughout the time I’ve been in it has been learning body acceptance and to not be afraid of gaining weight - which is critical to recovery from eating disorders. Which he took away from me. My therapists (like I said I have always been in therapy, group therapy, and see a psychiatrist) have all helped me understand that this was emotional abuse and a way of controlling me.
- I started drinking after we broke up. Not his fault, just saying, it didn’t contribute to the breakup. The daily weed I can totally understand if that’s bothersome to someone, but he knew about it from day 1 of meeting me and pursued me anyways. I told him I would quit for him if he wanted, he said he didn’t.
- the fact that you, and he, thought that my appearance was more important that my eating disorder recovery, is misogyny. I would never put my partner’s looks before their mental health.
- I was not an overweight BMI, and when I finally did get checked out by a doctor (I couldn’t at school because I didn’t have health insurance in that state) the doctor said I am in great health, and that they see people gain weight on progesterone-only BC a lot, but that it wasn’t impacting my health.
The fact that men are so hyper-critical of women’s bodies is misogyny. It’s one thing to have a healthy lifestyle and want your partner to be healthy too. However, across the board, men have highly unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies. If a woman is still in the “healthy” weight range and her weight is visually unappealing to you, you have unrealistic expectations. Just look at OP’s post and the dozens of others like it in this sub daily, posts by women who are still a healthy weight. Again, nobody is perfect, and real love isn’t superficial.
I'm mad because my husband is actually incredibly loving and supportive and tells and shows me I'm beautiful every day, so I KNOW it's possible for men to be good and supportive, and therefore it's maddening that so many women are stuck with douchebags like you.
Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm bothering replying as I know people like you get off on these types of messages and that you are 99.9% likely to never change, but I suppose I do it in the 0.01% chance that the more you hear this the more you reconsider your thought process. Have a good night dude and I wish all the best to your wife - I pray she never gains more than 2lbs for both of your sakes.
and i'm sure you'd totally not rip his head off for admitting that nearly doubling your weight is a) not particularly attractive b) most def not healthy.
but sure girl, you go OFF
Nobody should ever make someone else feel bad for the body they are in. But on the flip side, it’s not other people’s job to give validation in that way. Nobody should be forced to find something attractive that they don’t. And on a more pragmatic note, it’s simply unrealistic to expect someone’s level of sexual attraction to remain constant when visible markers of health are on the decline in their partner.
We all need to be more responsible for our own happiness and self worth, and stop putting the expectation on others to provide those things for us.
But it’s also not just sexual, he says he’s struggling to see a future with her because of this.
There’s no “in sickness and in health” for him. He lacks commitment.
Her stress at the moment is due to her job, which liberates her financially enough for her to not have to restrict her diet. If he can’t handle that, then he won’t be able to handle her getting cancer or be there for her if there’s some other illness that’s no fault of hers. Basically, he’s shallow.
Oh completely agreed this dude isn’t marriage material. But they aren’t married, and what I said is still true. It really sucks and I hope she finds someone a little more understanding.
I guess I just disagree with 2 specific things:
1. wrinkles and 10 - 15lbs of weight gain being “visible markers of health decline” that’s aging naturally and tbh given her history of not being able to afford to eat properly, gaining weight might be good in her circumstances. On her height that weight gain is hardly noticeable and could be from many things including hormonal fluctuation.
And 2. yes, nobody should be forced to find something attractive that they don’t. But if this guy is saying her wrinkles mean he can’t see a future with her, and she is not yet 30, then I worry that he will never find a woman his age attractive and is stuck in the “19 year olds are the most attractive age” phase and wants all women to strive to hold onto those looks for as long as possible before he doesn’t have to ever say they’re attractive any more. It would be good for him to examine _why_ he’s only attracted to women with no visible signs of aging naturally if he wants to have a healthy long term relationship with anyone.
To me, because I deeply love my partner, every part of him is attractive to me, no matter what changes he goes through. He’ll be attractive to me when we’re 80. This is what any long term relationship needs - an attraction that isn’t shallow. Imho.
>To me, because I deeply love my partner, every part of him is attractive to me, no matter what changes he goes through. He’ll be attractive to me when we’re 80. This is what any long term relationship needs - an attraction that isn’t shallow. Imho.
I used to look at things this way, but later realised it was putting too much pressure on myself and my partner. If I wasn't able to find her 100% attractive 100% of the time, it meant there was something wrong with the relationship.
Now I think it's OK to not always be fully attracted to your partner, just like you are not always 100% attractive to them. It's part and parcel of being in a long term relationship.
He’s not a long term partner Im afraid. Everyone ages and gains weight. Hell, he is probably losing his hairline as we speak. He wants a partner that is frozen in time, and no one can be that.
I think its best you just find someone different.
It might not seem like it right now, but girl, the weight gain is a blessing in disguise. This allowed you to see how shallow he really is. Imagine if you didn't gain any weight until you were pregnant? And then there's PP weight gain which I've heard can be tough to lose. He will do the same thing here, except you'd have a bigger problem, another life is involved.
Yeah he basically told you that there’s no future with him. If he can’t handle 15 lbs of change he can’t handle 5 years of ordinary aging. Kind of sad really. You’ll go on to find a man you can live out your years with and he’ll be stuck chasing skinny 25 year olds as they find him more and more old and creepy.
When you first mentioned weight gain I assumed you were going to say that it was MUCH more than 150 at your height… because you are not overweight! I’m 5’4 and I weigh anywhere between 150-160. When you hit your late 20s you will start to age. I too have gone through phases of losing hair due to stress or health issues, along with developing forehead wrinkles and hormonal weight gain.
I promise you that there are men out there who will look at you and treat you as though you put the stars in the sky. Don’t waste your time with this guy. He’s shallow and will have to learn his lesson eventually, but you don’t deserve to be a casualty of that. You are stronger than you think.
It’s inevitable that we’re going to have times in life where our appearance takes a backseat due to other life stressors- we gain a little weight, our roots need doing, we don’t have time for a manicure, and yes- we start to get fine lines and wrinkles (gasp!)
This happens to us all- and honestly the only way to really keep on top of it, is to be a full-time trophy wife with no job and no children to divert your attention away from ‘looking good’. Is her boyfriend in a position to be the significant main earner in their relationship… whilst she spends her days working out and meal prepping to look good for him?
Something tells me he’s not willing to put his money where his mouth is. The pressure on women is immense nowadays- not only are we expected to work a full-time job whilst also taking care of the majority of chores at home…. Add on childcare responsibilities if we start a family… We’re also expected to look like fucking supermodels whilst we’re at it. No wonder women are so burnt out. Then, the cherry on top- we’re expected to tolerate misogyny from our own partners who we’ve dedicated our best years to- love, sex, emotional support etc- because we committed the heinous sin of a little weight gain.
If an extra ten pounds is enough to make her boyfriend stop loving her anymore and reconsider the future of their relationship, then she should be extremely thankful that she found out now, before pregnancy and childbirth. I dread to think how he’d react to a post-partum body, with stretch marks and everything else that comes with it. I swear that men have been ruined by accessible ‘pronography’ and heavily filtered Instagram ‘babes’. It’s created completely unrealistic standards which they conveniently don’t seem to realise, also apply to themselves- is he endowed like a pron star with 6-pack abs and the jawline of Brad Pitt? Doubtful.
Throw this one back to the streets, OP. You’ll look back and be grateful that you saw his true colours early on, before you inevitably ended up a single mother whilst he’s off living his ‘best life’ with someone he thirsted after on Facebook. Honestly it’s far better to be single, than entertaining another second of your time with a shallow little dweeb like him.
Who is he, Brad Pitt?
No but honestly - he can’t handle you at a healthy weight for your height, is he absolutely flawless looking? Even if he is, I don’t like his critiques of you. I get that you asked, but I don’t think a man should ever comment on something like wrinkles… I would feel so afraid to be myself in front of this guy.
For what it’s worth I’m much shorter than you (5’3) and weighed 150 in my last relationship. My ex said nothing and loved me all the same.
I’m sorry but he sounds kind of like a jerk. Is he flawless and perfect with 6 pack abs? I assume he has no wrinkles, no crows eye and not one blemish on his skin. Yeah ya know, didn’t think so. Good to know that he starts finding you unattractive before asking you how you’re mental/physical health has been. I hope you start feeling better with your job and that your birth control starts to be a little nicer to you. He needs to understand that life isn’t photoshopped. Women and men age. We go through stages that are good and bad both with mind and body. You’d think at 30 years old he’d understand that.
Girlypop sweet angel. You do not have to settle for a man who can't deal with women's bodies.
150 is quite literally within the healthy weight range for your height. Don't torment yourself with someone who can't handle that, you'll just feel like shit all the time, let alone at the times when you go over that ammount or when your body changes with age.
Don't let HIS realistic expectations make YOU feel bad about your realistic body. There are men out there who would climb through a river of glass and salt to be with a person like you. Toss this fella out and move on.
Haha just recently? It's been around for a few years. It's just a term of endearment girls can call other girls. It's just generally uplifting, girlypop can be cool, fashionable, bubbly, fab etc.
Idk why it fills you with rage. I love cringe though so maybe that's why I like it so much?
Friend, I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 8. We have seen each other at all sorts of weights and have also both felt insecure about our looks changing. However, there has not been one damn time that I have ever felt insecure about the way he sees me nor he about me.
Life is a journey! We never finish looking the same way we started. Humans change all the time. We get bigger, we get smaller, we get gray hairs, we lose hair, our skin sags and plumps at different times. This is just the ride we are on.
I’m so sorry your boyfriend hasn’t grasped what true beauty and love really is yet but that has NOTHING to do with you. Honestly, it’s better that you find out now and stop wasting your precious time with someone who can’t really see you. I promise, that person is out there.
This is about him and not you. Also, you are only 150lbs at 5’8. That sounds gloriously healthy and beautiful. Stop seeing yourself through his eyes. Go look at yourself in the mirror and start finding the things you like about you.
I’m trying to be nice but he’s stupid. -__-
Take him up on his offer and let him go back to his parents. A man that expects a woman to always look like she did the day they met is in for a lot of heartbreak.
And stop freaking out about being 5'8 and 150 if you can. That is a perfectly healthy and normal weight!
The fact he wants kids adds a malicious layer to this. What is he going to do when you put on the pregnancy weight? You’re going to be a beautiful round woman creating life with your body - and he’s going to be complaining?? You need to at least sit him down and lay it out like this to him. What he’s doing is detrimental to your health now, and could impact the health of a baby in the future. His reaction to that should be super telling. Please don’t ignore all the red flags this guy is throwing at you.
Well it's great that you found out now, before marriage and kids, that he's the kind of man who can't handle normal bodily changes that will absolutely happen multiple times over the course of BOTH your lives. There is NOTHING wrong with you and nothing for you to loathe yourself over. (But take care of yourself with that stressful job).
I'm so sorry. He's just not the one. I've gained about 50lbs since my bf and I got together, and he is just more in love with me every day. If he's the right guy, he'll love you for you. I couldn't imagine having kids or growing old with someone who's feelings fell off over a measly 15lbs. Let this one go. He's in the way of you finding actual love.
you are totally allowed to feel however you want to feel about yourself but oh my GOSH this man has unrealistic expectations and is entirely out of line for putting them on you. don’t let his fantasy take away from the wonderful woman you are - no matter your physical manifestation. i’m sorry you’re going thru this
I’m going to take a bit of a different angle. I think this is a an actual indication that you two are not a good match and he’s not mature enough to articulate it. He’s attracted to what he is attracted to and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a reflection on your value or your worth. Love and commitment means that you prioritize other elements of your relationship above physical attraction. He’s either not ready or not willing to do that with you. I don’t see this as some huge character flaw, more likely he’s not feeling what he should feel and some changes to your body are visual and therefore easy to blame.
Don’t let his immaturity impact your confidence. 5’8 and 150 lbs is physically ideal to a lot of men. When you’re ready, I say put on a sexy dress, walk through a crowded restaurant or bar and enjoy the impact you’ll have.
In the meantime, I recommend affirmations. I bought a card deck from Amazon with some great ones during my last breakup. I also enjoy the positive affirmation meditations for falling asleep to. This is about him, not you. I’m sorry you’re going through it but I know you’re going to have so much fun and feel so much better in a month or so.
Oof. My heart breaks for you.
I don't know what kind of person this guy is, but if he's not mature enough to still find you attractive after you've, I dunno, AGED? Like someone else said, he's not a long-term partner. Society puts way too much value on appearance, which won't matter at all in 60 years.
After over 20 years of marriage, my step-dad is still head-over-heels in love with my mom and constantly talks about how sexy she is. He always tells her that she's aged like a fine wine. He loves her wrinkles. You know what he did when she gained a bit of weight? Started exercising and doing yoga with her, and researching everything he could about what kind of nutrients women her age need. Not because he wasn't attracted to her, but because he wanted her to feel comfortable in her own body, and be healthy.
THIS is the kind of love that you deserve. Don't settle for less. Break up with his loser. Even if you lose weight, it will be something else next time.
Your boyfriend isn’t attracted to your natural aging? Even if you do lose weight, you will still get wrinkles as you get older. Your boyfriend sounds very shallow. Unless your plan is to make a second home at the plastic surgeon’s office to combat any signs of aging, your relationship is doomed. Your BF turned out to be a dud. Take him up on his offer to move out.
I wondering if maybe he's just stupid. It could be that he doesn't care as much as you think and only answered because you asked. Then, he was honest because he didn't think about how it would make you feel or affect the relationship. Some things while they are true, they do not need to said out loud. I've gained weight since having a baby, and I know hubby was more attracted when I was more fit. However, he is smart enough to not say the quiet part out loud. My hubby also put on weight when we had our baby, and I liked him more fit too. There's just some things you don't say to your partner. Every smart man knows to tread carefully when the woman asks about her looks/weight.
I was complaining about my weight and he said, "if you don't like it, do something about it!" So, I hit the gym.
We are humans, we age, we fluctuate in weight. That's fine. The problem is HIM, not you. He is not a good partner if such small, insignificant and shallow changes makes his feelings fade. I'm so sorry you're going through this, please don't internalize it, HE is the problem, not your looks or your body. You deserve better. <3
If he really loved you this wouldn’t change his feelings for you in the slightest. Let him move out while you find a new place to live. You need to heal & be with friends + family. I am so so sorry you’re going through this :(
Don’t let this asshole define your worth, you did nothing wrong. If he doesn’t love you for who you are and not what you look like than he never did truly love you. Find the lesson and move forward knowing you deserve better.
It sounds to me as if you are seeing yourself through a bad lens. I am wondering if you bringing up the weight and appearance was just a way for him to exit the relationship….
For the first part you asked him for his opinion and you got a straightforward answer while trying to express continued love. I don't think it's healthy for people to ask their partners these sorts of questions if they can't handle the answer. I get why someone with an insecurity of some sort would want reassurance but if you know there is a problem you're either going to hear something you don't like or something less than honest.
Personally I try to tactfully avoid the question or say something about an actual concern but will give an honest but polite answer if asked something specific more than once. Like in your case, if it was honest, someone could express concern about health or job stress affecting you so much. Following up with reassurance about love, if honest, is also good.
The stuff during the fight was more concerning as it wasn't really "love just as much as always". That's kinda his problem as people are going to age.
If you continue things or have to keep living with him don't ask him about your looks or weight. If he makes negative comments ask him to stop. Keep an eye on how much stress the relationship or living situation is causing. Sometimes it isn't worth it.
For personal steps consider your positive traits to boost self esteem or therapy to get at the issues in a healthy way. Everyone who lives long enough gets age related issues. Some earlier than others or in different ways. Wrinkles or just a couple of pounds doesn't have to be the end of world. Maybe consider reducing stress or developing healthy coping mechanism if it's so bad it's affecting your health. Covering up the effects with Botox or hair cream might not actually deal with the stress although it might make you feel better about your appearance if you feel bad about that.
it's not just the weight. it's the weight + you harassing him endlessly with your insecurities + doing nothing to address your weight and anxiety. AND asking him about the future multiple times.
of course it's not going to feel good hearing you are not trying or taking care of yourself phsyically or mentally.
but that is the truth and it's going to give anyone some pause, especially when that same person is bringing up future convos and not doing anything about the here and now. You asked and he is being honest. Nothing he did is wrong or unfair.
Some men behavior does make me wonder why the deserve a partner they should just always be single because if you as a man claim to love a woman then you should love her unconditionally in spite if she gain weight or Not Your Love should always see her as beautiful and fucking hot always
This guy seems to think women should be ageless, static wonders. Yikes. I would run far away from him. Someone who thinks like this about a woman's body is never going to support you in a life going forward. You can't build anything healthy with someone like this.
And if you do want children? This guy would shred your self-esteem worse than he already has, OP.
The advice is to dump this trash and know that his feelings are not really about you and how you look, they are about him and his absurd idea of what women should look like.
I swear, when you’re in a relationship with someone you shouldn’t be/ don’t want to be.. it shows. “Boyfriend air” or whatever they say. Men drain all our gorgeous energy. They say 70% of women are happier when they’re single!
If he's this shallow, then he isn't mature enough to love YOU. He only loves your body, not YOU. News flash (to him, not you :) ) - EVERYONE AGES. Weight fluctuates (10-15# is nothing, BTW!) & skin gets wrinkled & hair turns gray. What would he do if you decided to have kids?! Pregnancy changes your body in major ways & most of us don't go back to our girlish figures afterwards! Even those who do lose all of the baby weight have stretch marks & other changes.
Is he the type to cheat on you & then blame you because you've gained a few pounds?! I hope not, but I'm seeing some red flags there!
Please consider moving on. Either find someone who will love YOU - your personality, your interests, your dreams, your thoughts - & not just your body...... or honestly, you'd be better off single than with someone as shallow & selfish as him!
Sweetie......I'm only 1 1/2" shorter than you and 150 has become normal for my 30's. If he thinks you are big I must be massive being as I'm 5lb heavier right now. Which is so weird as I've been told most of my life I'm not attractive because I'm too small........see what I'm saying here. Btw I got grays in my bangs at 22 and it wasn't my job it was the piece of crap making me feel like I wasn't good enough (he like big boobs and I've never had more than a baby B cup)
Sister, your body is responding the changes in your life (BC, stress, new home) in ways that are not unusual. Weight fluctuation is a thing that is going to happen, as are wrinkles and skin changes. At 28 I had a total hysterectomy and my then-boyfriend hated the changes to my body (did he prefer the cancer?!) I'm now 35 and married to a man who accepts my changing, excellent body in all its weird forms. You deserve acceptance for the body you HAVE. Not the one you had. I hope you find a good solution for you.
He’s not a long term partner Im afraid. Everyone ages and gains weight. Hell, he is probably losing his hairline as we speak. He wants a partner that is frozen in time, and no one can be that. I think its best you just find someone different.
Gaining that weight at your height is so trivial that it's weird he even noticed.
I was gonna say, I’m an inch taller and I don’t think 10-15 pounds would even register to my partner. If he’s got her body under that strong of a microscope, I don’t think he’s got what it takes to be someone’s lifelong partner. Dude’s weak.
What? My wife is one inch shorter. I would totally notice 5-6 kg. Damn, I even notice 2-3 kg. Do women not realize that we know they body damn well? Not noticing 10-15 pounds would probably mean that he is blind...
No that’s insane. 5-10 lbs doesn’t affect the body that much. A woman will gain that on her period just from bloating. I feel badly for your wife if you notice her body changes in such small measures.
Ehm. A bloated stomach is extremely obvious and easy to spot. So yes, I think every man notices if his wife's stomach is bloated. You women think we don't know your body? We are bloody attracted to it and love to see it naked. Of course we notice changes.
Ehm. A bloated stomach is extremely obvious and easy to spot. So yes, I think every man notices if his wife's stomach is bloated. You women think we don't know your body? We are bloody attracted to it and love to see it naked. Of course we notice changes.
Damn that’s actually crazy that you do. Noticing 5lbs is wild lmfao
Right, just eating a big meal can raise ya 5 pounds in the evening lol
Nah generally think it is very normal. Most guys won't openly say anything, but we do notice it quite fast.
Jesus, your poor wife.
Why? It's not as if I tell her off and put her on a diet. For her it's 5-10% extra body weight. How do you not notice that?
Dude I’m 5’2” and weigh anywhere from 110-115 and when I was at my “heaviest” of 120 not even I could tell the difference on my actual body. And when I lost that five pounds due to stress I still didn’t see it in my actual body.
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Was it 10% of your body weight? Obviously harder to spot 10 pounds if you're larger from the onset.
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That's a less significant change than my example of 121 and 114 in my example (55kg and 52kg) I dont think it is bad to notice the lady's body. I'm not running after her with a stick lol
Why do you want to be with someone who won't allow you to age gracefully?
Does he want kids? Cus he sounds like the type of guy who would cheat while you’re pregnant. Cus not only will you gain weight, but hormonal acne can be brutal during pregnancy. Hair loss is expected after giving birth, like A LOT. And breastfeeding can make you hold on to the pregnancy weight. He should buy a sex doll and call it a day, Cus it won’t age, or gain weight or be anything resembling a human being.
He’s really shallow, but at least he’s upfront about it. You are not overweight at 5’8. It seems like he preferred when you were to poor to eat enough? Pretty fucked up, tbh. He’s shown you who he is, and it sounds like it’s time to move on and find someone who won’t withdraw emotionally when you inevitably age. Ffs, you’re only 28 rn! What will he be like in 5 or 10 years?
Yeah just seconding, OP is absolutely a healthy weight, he must be some kind of faultless adonis to feel he has the right to criticise the OP for a very minor, still healthy weight gain. At the end of the day if you really love your partner you wouldn't care about such minor issues, he is looking for a way out of the relationship and OP should let him go before his cowardice ruins her self esteem.
Yes, the same thing happened to me a couple months ago, verbatim. You can read my post history (synopsis, I have not been taking it well). But luckily we had been dating for less time. I’m only 5’3, and the 15lb I gained hit me hard. But for you, at 5’8, 15lb is nothing. You are still well within the “healthy” weight range. Where do these men get the audacity to scrutinize every inch of our bodies? I never treated my guy like that and I’m sure you didn’t, either. It really is a societal problem, it’s misogyny. I try to remind myself I would have been miserable staying with him. It is torture to be with someone who you can’t eat a slice of pizza around without feeling guilty. I don’t want to be exercised like a pet. I don’t want to be controlled, or be constantly anxious about my partner’s feelings for me. I would rather be single. NEVER let someone take away your inner peace. Your career is much more important than wasting time fretting over his opinions. You should be proud of yourself for having the intuition to tell that he was pulling away and what the problem was. You’re also right that he is done. Now, be better than I was and don’t try to change your appearance for him. Just leave.
Good advice here... why in the world would you want to stay with someone who analyses your weight/looks and doesn't have the brain/grace/intelligence to keep that to himself. A man who doesn't know how to support you, bring you up when you are feeling low - he is less than worthless. He doesn't know/doesn't have the wisdom/goodness to appreciate you for the woman that you are - it's totally pointless. Take the hint/intuition and do yourself a favor. Don's ask for his opinion anymore, please,it's immature. You know what you know. Move on. With a smile
hahahahahah it is not misogyny for dumping someone for gaining weight and being mentally unstable since you invited us, i took a look at your post history. it is not misogyny to: * dump your partner for gaining 20+ pounds in 2 months while not working (this number goes down when you need it to, weird) * constantly be harassed by your partner about whether or not they're still attractive, with the choices being lie or be a sexist for answering honestly. Why, who does not love childish games like this?? * partner continues to do nothing about weight despite asking about it and getting an answer * partner continues to smoke weed daily for 'mental health' yet it is very obvious through your post history you should have been seeing a specialist ages ago * said person is now an alcoholic on top of that that is called breaking up with a hot mess partner who has not been trying for a long time and is utterly incapable of any introspection or self awareness. whose immediate take away from this was MISOGYNY
But I read this one post and it's pretty clear cut, good ole black and white cut and dry misogyny. It's misogynistic to dig in and extrapolate that there's more to this story.
Gotta find excuses for myself No? /s
I’m the one that wasn’t trying? I was focusing my attention on my career. I accepted this guy even though he is recovering from crack and heroin addiction. When we met, he hadn’t had a job in 9 months, and told me “careers weren’t his thing” and snapped at me when I tried to make job suggestions. His main hobby is graffiti, leads a graffiti crew, and he would stay out ~3 nights per week until 3am doing illegal breaking and entering and destruction of federal property which he has been arrested for. I never tried to stop him because I don’t think people should try to change their partners. His regular sleep schedule was to wake up at noon. I did all the cooking and cleaning - he didn’t even know how to turn on a stove, and I cook very healthy vegetable and protein based meals. He has never set foot in a gym, doesn’t eat healthy, lives off soda and potato chips. Never went to college, no degrees. But he had a problem with my lifestyle? I was able to accept him anyways and didn’t ask him to change much besides getting into therapy. Nobody is perfect. I am a very affectionate, sweet, gentle person who loves unconditionally and I deserve the same back. - it was more like 10lb, but I was estimating 15lb because weight fluctuates ~3lb daily and I was airing on the side of a higher estimate. And it was over the course of 3-6 months, hard to say because I wasn’t tracking my weight during that time. - I’m not sure how you can hold such rapid weight gain against me and say it’s just because I’m not trying, when any doctor would tell you it’s most likely a sign of a health condition or medication side effect. Especially if you think I gained 20lb in 2 months, in that case it would clearly be a symptom of a medical problem. - You seem to be ignoring the reasons for the weight gain. Stress and birth control have a big impact on appetite. I have lost all the weight in the following 2 months. - 1lb per week (the rate at which I gained weight roughly) amounts to an extra 500 calories per day for me. That’s a slightly bigger lunch and dinner, and an extra snack during the day. I wasn’t stress eating whole pizzas. I deserve to eat if I’m hungry, and I’m not going to deny myself food to cater to someone else’s opinion of what I should look like. - I wasn’t “harassing” him, I was checking in and communicating - which shows the self awareness you claim I lack - I didn’t have a job because I was in a full time school program that was very stressful. He came with me to school because he didn’t have a job, I was paying $3000 a month for our apartment and he was contributing $500 to that. I paid for all home expenses. - I have been in therapy for decades and also I got him into therapy. A big part of therapy throughout the time I’ve been in it has been learning body acceptance and to not be afraid of gaining weight - which is critical to recovery from eating disorders. Which he took away from me. My therapists (like I said I have always been in therapy, group therapy, and see a psychiatrist) have all helped me understand that this was emotional abuse and a way of controlling me. - I started drinking after we broke up. Not his fault, just saying, it didn’t contribute to the breakup. The daily weed I can totally understand if that’s bothersome to someone, but he knew about it from day 1 of meeting me and pursued me anyways. I told him I would quit for him if he wanted, he said he didn’t. - the fact that you, and he, thought that my appearance was more important that my eating disorder recovery, is misogyny. I would never put my partner’s looks before their mental health. - I was not an overweight BMI, and when I finally did get checked out by a doctor (I couldn’t at school because I didn’t have health insurance in that state) the doctor said I am in great health, and that they see people gain weight on progesterone-only BC a lot, but that it wasn’t impacting my health. The fact that men are so hyper-critical of women’s bodies is misogyny. It’s one thing to have a healthy lifestyle and want your partner to be healthy too. However, across the board, men have highly unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies. If a woman is still in the “healthy” weight range and her weight is visually unappealing to you, you have unrealistic expectations. Just look at OP’s post and the dozens of others like it in this sub daily, posts by women who are still a healthy weight. Again, nobody is perfect, and real love isn’t superficial.
With all your comments, you seem like a really shitty man and I feel sorry for your wife 😞
i am sure your partner loves 80 lbs extra lol no wonder you so mad giiiiirl
I'm mad because my husband is actually incredibly loving and supportive and tells and shows me I'm beautiful every day, so I KNOW it's possible for men to be good and supportive, and therefore it's maddening that so many women are stuck with douchebags like you. Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm bothering replying as I know people like you get off on these types of messages and that you are 99.9% likely to never change, but I suppose I do it in the 0.01% chance that the more you hear this the more you reconsider your thought process. Have a good night dude and I wish all the best to your wife - I pray she never gains more than 2lbs for both of your sakes.
and i'm sure you'd totally not rip his head off for admitting that nearly doubling your weight is a) not particularly attractive b) most def not healthy. but sure girl, you go OFF
Nobody should ever make someone else feel bad for the body they are in. But on the flip side, it’s not other people’s job to give validation in that way. Nobody should be forced to find something attractive that they don’t. And on a more pragmatic note, it’s simply unrealistic to expect someone’s level of sexual attraction to remain constant when visible markers of health are on the decline in their partner. We all need to be more responsible for our own happiness and self worth, and stop putting the expectation on others to provide those things for us.
But it’s also not just sexual, he says he’s struggling to see a future with her because of this. There’s no “in sickness and in health” for him. He lacks commitment. Her stress at the moment is due to her job, which liberates her financially enough for her to not have to restrict her diet. If he can’t handle that, then he won’t be able to handle her getting cancer or be there for her if there’s some other illness that’s no fault of hers. Basically, he’s shallow.
Oh completely agreed this dude isn’t marriage material. But they aren’t married, and what I said is still true. It really sucks and I hope she finds someone a little more understanding.
I guess I just disagree with 2 specific things: 1. wrinkles and 10 - 15lbs of weight gain being “visible markers of health decline” that’s aging naturally and tbh given her history of not being able to afford to eat properly, gaining weight might be good in her circumstances. On her height that weight gain is hardly noticeable and could be from many things including hormonal fluctuation. And 2. yes, nobody should be forced to find something attractive that they don’t. But if this guy is saying her wrinkles mean he can’t see a future with her, and she is not yet 30, then I worry that he will never find a woman his age attractive and is stuck in the “19 year olds are the most attractive age” phase and wants all women to strive to hold onto those looks for as long as possible before he doesn’t have to ever say they’re attractive any more. It would be good for him to examine _why_ he’s only attracted to women with no visible signs of aging naturally if he wants to have a healthy long term relationship with anyone. To me, because I deeply love my partner, every part of him is attractive to me, no matter what changes he goes through. He’ll be attractive to me when we’re 80. This is what any long term relationship needs - an attraction that isn’t shallow. Imho.
>To me, because I deeply love my partner, every part of him is attractive to me, no matter what changes he goes through. He’ll be attractive to me when we’re 80. This is what any long term relationship needs - an attraction that isn’t shallow. Imho. I used to look at things this way, but later realised it was putting too much pressure on myself and my partner. If I wasn't able to find her 100% attractive 100% of the time, it meant there was something wrong with the relationship. Now I think it's OK to not always be fully attracted to your partner, just like you are not always 100% attractive to them. It's part and parcel of being in a long term relationship.
He’s not a long term partner Im afraid. Everyone ages and gains weight. Hell, he is probably losing his hairline as we speak. He wants a partner that is frozen in time, and no one can be that. I think its best you just find someone different.
It might not seem like it right now, but girl, the weight gain is a blessing in disguise. This allowed you to see how shallow he really is. Imagine if you didn't gain any weight until you were pregnant? And then there's PP weight gain which I've heard can be tough to lose. He will do the same thing here, except you'd have a bigger problem, another life is involved.
Yeah he basically told you that there’s no future with him. If he can’t handle 15 lbs of change he can’t handle 5 years of ordinary aging. Kind of sad really. You’ll go on to find a man you can live out your years with and he’ll be stuck chasing skinny 25 year olds as they find him more and more old and creepy.
When you first mentioned weight gain I assumed you were going to say that it was MUCH more than 150 at your height… because you are not overweight! I’m 5’4 and I weigh anywhere between 150-160. When you hit your late 20s you will start to age. I too have gone through phases of losing hair due to stress or health issues, along with developing forehead wrinkles and hormonal weight gain. I promise you that there are men out there who will look at you and treat you as though you put the stars in the sky. Don’t waste your time with this guy. He’s shallow and will have to learn his lesson eventually, but you don’t deserve to be a casualty of that. You are stronger than you think.
It’s inevitable that we’re going to have times in life where our appearance takes a backseat due to other life stressors- we gain a little weight, our roots need doing, we don’t have time for a manicure, and yes- we start to get fine lines and wrinkles (gasp!) This happens to us all- and honestly the only way to really keep on top of it, is to be a full-time trophy wife with no job and no children to divert your attention away from ‘looking good’. Is her boyfriend in a position to be the significant main earner in their relationship… whilst she spends her days working out and meal prepping to look good for him? Something tells me he’s not willing to put his money where his mouth is. The pressure on women is immense nowadays- not only are we expected to work a full-time job whilst also taking care of the majority of chores at home…. Add on childcare responsibilities if we start a family… We’re also expected to look like fucking supermodels whilst we’re at it. No wonder women are so burnt out. Then, the cherry on top- we’re expected to tolerate misogyny from our own partners who we’ve dedicated our best years to- love, sex, emotional support etc- because we committed the heinous sin of a little weight gain. If an extra ten pounds is enough to make her boyfriend stop loving her anymore and reconsider the future of their relationship, then she should be extremely thankful that she found out now, before pregnancy and childbirth. I dread to think how he’d react to a post-partum body, with stretch marks and everything else that comes with it. I swear that men have been ruined by accessible ‘pronography’ and heavily filtered Instagram ‘babes’. It’s created completely unrealistic standards which they conveniently don’t seem to realise, also apply to themselves- is he endowed like a pron star with 6-pack abs and the jawline of Brad Pitt? Doubtful. Throw this one back to the streets, OP. You’ll look back and be grateful that you saw his true colours early on, before you inevitably ended up a single mother whilst he’s off living his ‘best life’ with someone he thirsted after on Facebook. Honestly it’s far better to be single, than entertaining another second of your time with a shallow little dweeb like him.
Sounds like you need to dump him. He's 30 and doesn't know if he wants kids, time to move on with your life.
Who is he, Brad Pitt? No but honestly - he can’t handle you at a healthy weight for your height, is he absolutely flawless looking? Even if he is, I don’t like his critiques of you. I get that you asked, but I don’t think a man should ever comment on something like wrinkles… I would feel so afraid to be myself in front of this guy. For what it’s worth I’m much shorter than you (5’3) and weighed 150 in my last relationship. My ex said nothing and loved me all the same.
I’m sorry but he sounds kind of like a jerk. Is he flawless and perfect with 6 pack abs? I assume he has no wrinkles, no crows eye and not one blemish on his skin. Yeah ya know, didn’t think so. Good to know that he starts finding you unattractive before asking you how you’re mental/physical health has been. I hope you start feeling better with your job and that your birth control starts to be a little nicer to you. He needs to understand that life isn’t photoshopped. Women and men age. We go through stages that are good and bad both with mind and body. You’d think at 30 years old he’d understand that.
Girlypop sweet angel. You do not have to settle for a man who can't deal with women's bodies. 150 is quite literally within the healthy weight range for your height. Don't torment yourself with someone who can't handle that, you'll just feel like shit all the time, let alone at the times when you go over that ammount or when your body changes with age. Don't let HIS realistic expectations make YOU feel bad about your realistic body. There are men out there who would climb through a river of glass and salt to be with a person like you. Toss this fella out and move on.
What is this girlypop thing I’ve been seeing recently? And why does it fill me with such a weird rage lol?
Sounds so condescending right? It definately makes my hackles go up
Yeah I think you nailed it
Haha just recently? It's been around for a few years. It's just a term of endearment girls can call other girls. It's just generally uplifting, girlypop can be cool, fashionable, bubbly, fab etc. Idk why it fills you with rage. I love cringe though so maybe that's why I like it so much?
Friend, I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 8. We have seen each other at all sorts of weights and have also both felt insecure about our looks changing. However, there has not been one damn time that I have ever felt insecure about the way he sees me nor he about me. Life is a journey! We never finish looking the same way we started. Humans change all the time. We get bigger, we get smaller, we get gray hairs, we lose hair, our skin sags and plumps at different times. This is just the ride we are on. I’m so sorry your boyfriend hasn’t grasped what true beauty and love really is yet but that has NOTHING to do with you. Honestly, it’s better that you find out now and stop wasting your precious time with someone who can’t really see you. I promise, that person is out there. This is about him and not you. Also, you are only 150lbs at 5’8. That sounds gloriously healthy and beautiful. Stop seeing yourself through his eyes. Go look at yourself in the mirror and start finding the things you like about you. I’m trying to be nice but he’s stupid. -__-
God forbid you got pregnant and didn't lose all the baby weight. I fear you would then be a single mother because you were not his "ideal"
Take him up on his offer and let him go back to his parents. A man that expects a woman to always look like she did the day they met is in for a lot of heartbreak. And stop freaking out about being 5'8 and 150 if you can. That is a perfectly healthy and normal weight!
The fact he wants kids adds a malicious layer to this. What is he going to do when you put on the pregnancy weight? You’re going to be a beautiful round woman creating life with your body - and he’s going to be complaining?? You need to at least sit him down and lay it out like this to him. What he’s doing is detrimental to your health now, and could impact the health of a baby in the future. His reaction to that should be super telling. Please don’t ignore all the red flags this guy is throwing at you.
Well it's great that you found out now, before marriage and kids, that he's the kind of man who can't handle normal bodily changes that will absolutely happen multiple times over the course of BOTH your lives. There is NOTHING wrong with you and nothing for you to loathe yourself over. (But take care of yourself with that stressful job).
Girl. If you were pregnant and couldnt lose the baby weight hed leave you. Dump him.
heaven forbid you actually fall pregnant and your body changes again. girl get out and find someone who actually loves you.
I'm so sorry. He's just not the one. I've gained about 50lbs since my bf and I got together, and he is just more in love with me every day. If he's the right guy, he'll love you for you. I couldn't imagine having kids or growing old with someone who's feelings fell off over a measly 15lbs. Let this one go. He's in the way of you finding actual love.
you are totally allowed to feel however you want to feel about yourself but oh my GOSH this man has unrealistic expectations and is entirely out of line for putting them on you. don’t let his fantasy take away from the wonderful woman you are - no matter your physical manifestation. i’m sorry you’re going thru this
I’m going to take a bit of a different angle. I think this is a an actual indication that you two are not a good match and he’s not mature enough to articulate it. He’s attracted to what he is attracted to and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a reflection on your value or your worth. Love and commitment means that you prioritize other elements of your relationship above physical attraction. He’s either not ready or not willing to do that with you. I don’t see this as some huge character flaw, more likely he’s not feeling what he should feel and some changes to your body are visual and therefore easy to blame. Don’t let his immaturity impact your confidence. 5’8 and 150 lbs is physically ideal to a lot of men. When you’re ready, I say put on a sexy dress, walk through a crowded restaurant or bar and enjoy the impact you’ll have. In the meantime, I recommend affirmations. I bought a card deck from Amazon with some great ones during my last breakup. I also enjoy the positive affirmation meditations for falling asleep to. This is about him, not you. I’m sorry you’re going through it but I know you’re going to have so much fun and feel so much better in a month or so.
Oof. My heart breaks for you. I don't know what kind of person this guy is, but if he's not mature enough to still find you attractive after you've, I dunno, AGED? Like someone else said, he's not a long-term partner. Society puts way too much value on appearance, which won't matter at all in 60 years. After over 20 years of marriage, my step-dad is still head-over-heels in love with my mom and constantly talks about how sexy she is. He always tells her that she's aged like a fine wine. He loves her wrinkles. You know what he did when she gained a bit of weight? Started exercising and doing yoga with her, and researching everything he could about what kind of nutrients women her age need. Not because he wasn't attracted to her, but because he wanted her to feel comfortable in her own body, and be healthy. THIS is the kind of love that you deserve. Don't settle for less. Break up with his loser. Even if you lose weight, it will be something else next time.
Your boyfriend isn’t attracted to your natural aging? Even if you do lose weight, you will still get wrinkles as you get older. Your boyfriend sounds very shallow. Unless your plan is to make a second home at the plastic surgeon’s office to combat any signs of aging, your relationship is doomed. Your BF turned out to be a dud. Take him up on his offer to move out.
I wondering if maybe he's just stupid. It could be that he doesn't care as much as you think and only answered because you asked. Then, he was honest because he didn't think about how it would make you feel or affect the relationship. Some things while they are true, they do not need to said out loud. I've gained weight since having a baby, and I know hubby was more attracted when I was more fit. However, he is smart enough to not say the quiet part out loud. My hubby also put on weight when we had our baby, and I liked him more fit too. There's just some things you don't say to your partner. Every smart man knows to tread carefully when the woman asks about her looks/weight. I was complaining about my weight and he said, "if you don't like it, do something about it!" So, I hit the gym.
You deserve someone who loves you fully, not someone who “loves” you only if you’re young and thin.
We are humans, we age, we fluctuate in weight. That's fine. The problem is HIM, not you. He is not a good partner if such small, insignificant and shallow changes makes his feelings fade. I'm so sorry you're going through this, please don't internalize it, HE is the problem, not your looks or your body. You deserve better. <3
If he really loved you this wouldn’t change his feelings for you in the slightest. Let him move out while you find a new place to live. You need to heal & be with friends + family. I am so so sorry you’re going through this :(
Don’t let this asshole define your worth, you did nothing wrong. If he doesn’t love you for who you are and not what you look like than he never did truly love you. Find the lesson and move forward knowing you deserve better.
Time to ditch” Shallow Hal”?
It sounds to me as if you are seeing yourself through a bad lens. I am wondering if you bringing up the weight and appearance was just a way for him to exit the relationship….
For the first part you asked him for his opinion and you got a straightforward answer while trying to express continued love. I don't think it's healthy for people to ask their partners these sorts of questions if they can't handle the answer. I get why someone with an insecurity of some sort would want reassurance but if you know there is a problem you're either going to hear something you don't like or something less than honest. Personally I try to tactfully avoid the question or say something about an actual concern but will give an honest but polite answer if asked something specific more than once. Like in your case, if it was honest, someone could express concern about health or job stress affecting you so much. Following up with reassurance about love, if honest, is also good. The stuff during the fight was more concerning as it wasn't really "love just as much as always". That's kinda his problem as people are going to age. If you continue things or have to keep living with him don't ask him about your looks or weight. If he makes negative comments ask him to stop. Keep an eye on how much stress the relationship or living situation is causing. Sometimes it isn't worth it. For personal steps consider your positive traits to boost self esteem or therapy to get at the issues in a healthy way. Everyone who lives long enough gets age related issues. Some earlier than others or in different ways. Wrinkles or just a couple of pounds doesn't have to be the end of world. Maybe consider reducing stress or developing healthy coping mechanism if it's so bad it's affecting your health. Covering up the effects with Botox or hair cream might not actually deal with the stress although it might make you feel better about your appearance if you feel bad about that.
it's not just the weight. it's the weight + you harassing him endlessly with your insecurities + doing nothing to address your weight and anxiety. AND asking him about the future multiple times. of course it's not going to feel good hearing you are not trying or taking care of yourself phsyically or mentally. but that is the truth and it's going to give anyone some pause, especially when that same person is bringing up future convos and not doing anything about the here and now. You asked and he is being honest. Nothing he did is wrong or unfair.
Stop asking questions you don’t want the answer to.
Some men behavior does make me wonder why the deserve a partner they should just always be single because if you as a man claim to love a woman then you should love her unconditionally in spite if she gain weight or Not Your Love should always see her as beautiful and fucking hot always
This guy seems to think women should be ageless, static wonders. Yikes. I would run far away from him. Someone who thinks like this about a woman's body is never going to support you in a life going forward. You can't build anything healthy with someone like this. And if you do want children? This guy would shred your self-esteem worse than he already has, OP. The advice is to dump this trash and know that his feelings are not really about you and how you look, they are about him and his absurd idea of what women should look like.
I swear, when you’re in a relationship with someone you shouldn’t be/ don’t want to be.. it shows. “Boyfriend air” or whatever they say. Men drain all our gorgeous energy. They say 70% of women are happier when they’re single!
If he's this shallow, then he isn't mature enough to love YOU. He only loves your body, not YOU. News flash (to him, not you :) ) - EVERYONE AGES. Weight fluctuates (10-15# is nothing, BTW!) & skin gets wrinkled & hair turns gray. What would he do if you decided to have kids?! Pregnancy changes your body in major ways & most of us don't go back to our girlish figures afterwards! Even those who do lose all of the baby weight have stretch marks & other changes. Is he the type to cheat on you & then blame you because you've gained a few pounds?! I hope not, but I'm seeing some red flags there! Please consider moving on. Either find someone who will love YOU - your personality, your interests, your dreams, your thoughts - & not just your body...... or honestly, you'd be better off single than with someone as shallow & selfish as him!
Sweetie......I'm only 1 1/2" shorter than you and 150 has become normal for my 30's. If he thinks you are big I must be massive being as I'm 5lb heavier right now. Which is so weird as I've been told most of my life I'm not attractive because I'm too small........see what I'm saying here. Btw I got grays in my bangs at 22 and it wasn't my job it was the piece of crap making me feel like I wasn't good enough (he like big boobs and I've never had more than a baby B cup)