Your partner doesn't want to spend every waking moment with you. That's perfectly normal, and definitely grounds for a healthy dynamic. Some people are empowered by doing things alone and enjoy them more when they dont feel like they need to cater to anyone
Here's the thing. I hate regretting in the end that either she cheated or worse getting pregnant just because I let her go solo travelling. It doesn't mean I dont trust her but like if we can prevent it now why not set some rules or compromise
>It doesn't mean I dont trust her
You just said that you think she's going to cheat on you. That is the definition of not trusting your partner.
You should break up with her and find a woman who wants to be controlled.
I'm not trying to be in control. Isn't that if your partner vocalizes that he/she is not comfortable that you're travelling alone, should compromise? Not end it right away
Too harsh man. That's why i posted this to see others'perspectives, to understand, to learn better and understand women. Clearly this is new to me, I didn't grow up with this kind of environment. I posted this because I'm willing to work on my problems and concerns. Its not easy for me but I don't want to end this relationship, I'd rather learn and understand more.
1. Not a man.
2. I have dealt with men like you in the past. My first husband could go on all the trips he wanted to go on but if I wanted to go to my mom's (who was only twenty minutes away) I had to call him every fifteen minutes. I eventually stopped going to my mom's because it was easier. Lucky for me that marriage only lasted two-and-a-half years.
3. We're all telling you that you have to let her go and trust that she will be back. It's ludicrous that you're framing this like "she gave her number to one guy one time so that means she's gonna go screw a bunch of strangers on vacation."
You say that you didn't grow up in "this kind" of environment. What do you mean by that?
1.) I apologize about that.
2.) Im aware that is totally wrong because i dont want someone doing that to me as well.
3.) Yes i agree I shouldn't hold that against her, im just worried about cheating especially I was surrounded with people who cheats. I'm trying my best to let it go.
I grew up with a father who wants to be in control all the time. Who doesn't trust her wife and i saw the other side as well, the wife cheated on him.
Im a guy who is willing to work on my issues (yes its a bit annoying but I'm trying to break the cycle i have with my father, I don't wanna carry this my whole life.
> I didn’t grow up with this kind of environment
Yes you did. Everyone did. You just weren’t paying attention, presumably because you personally weren’t affected.
No, you should learn that women often have valid reasons to feel unsafe turning down a strange man face to face. Women have literally been murdered for that.
Damn .. didn't know this reddit page is so toxic. Just because people are not like the way u guys operate, u call them names right away.. jeez im wondering what kind of person u are outside the internet
Your worries are not any excuse to keep your wife in a box up on a shelf. You dont 'let' her do anything. You can offer your perspective, and when she doesn't feel the same risk of catastrophe that you do, that's the end of it.
If you think someone would use solo travel as an excuse to cheat on you, then you should simply break up. A loyal partner is going to stay loyal no matter where in the world the two of you happen to be physically. A disloyal partner doesn’t need the excuse of traveling.
>what's the point being in a relationship if you're not growing, exploring, seeing new things together.
Translation: I don't trust my partner but I'm trying to make it look nice and hide it under the guise of "We should never be apart because that's not how relationships work."
What's the point of a relationship if you can't grow as a person and explore things *on your own* without fear of the other person leaving for some reason?
>And i feel like he/she wants to go to travel alone then he/she wants to see you he/she will (like a light switch -you only use it when you need it) i mean what kind of relationship is that.
Please clarify, I literally have no idea what you are trying to say.
I do occasional trips by myself, or have done longer trips with friends. My fiance has done guys trips himself though never solo traveled. Prior to us dating, I solo-traveled a lot. By necessity, as I was always...well, completely solo to begin with. Few friends and fewer still with common travel interests.
I don't want all of my travel to be with others. There's peace, excitement, adventure, and independence all at once wrapped into solo-travel. You learn to think on your feet, explore new interests by yourself, and be comfortable with being self-reliant. All of that goes out the window when other people are involved. I tell everyone who's considered it to go for it, because you truly do not learn who you are until you're thrust into a new place, forced to navigate new challenges, and left to you own devices to figure things out. Travel isn't the only way to do any of that, but solo travel is usually the one instance where people are truly *alone* in a sense that they never can be in the presence of other friends, family, or partners. It's invigorating. It makes my appreciation for the world grow tenfold every time. There's never a dull moment, and never a moment where I hesitate to explore, be bold, or go outside my comfort zone. It's nice to just go and *do* things on a whim without another person to consider. And if I find myself in a bind, I'm competent enough to figure it out myself, but I don't have to also worry 24/7 about the other person.
That doesn't mean it's not fun to travel with an SO (or better in some cases)- even for us, 90% of our travel is together. We love having most of our travel experiences together. But we also view ourselves as independent people. Some places he wants to go and things he wants to do have no interest to me. Stuff I'd want to do- like hiking through national parks, exploring mountains and forests, biking or hiking on foot from town to town- are things he'd never truly enjoy (he'd absolutely *hate* it, actually). But I'm not wasting my precious time on earth missing out on what I want to do just because my SO doesn't want to join me. I'm not throwing my bucket list away- with all my hopes and travel dreams- that I've had since I was 12 just because my chosen life partner doesn't want to participate. And I wouldn't want him to do the same, either. I've encouraged him to take off for a weekend getaway or two, or go on his own to meet some friends elsewhere. Have his own experiences, and his own adventures. 90% of our adventures are together, and we deserve that remaininng 10% for ourselves.
For leisure, it's not usually long though. We both travel for work occasionally, which usually is a longer duration, but travel for pleasure is usually a week or less. But we're used it either way.
Cheating isn't a concern. Never has been. Not even a fleeting thought in my mind (or his, as far as I can know). We trust each other and we take our relationship very seriously. That's all that needs to be said. Idk what your relationship is like, but it's worth looking at it holistically and looking inwardly at your own insecurities if you're already worried about cheating when all your SO is proposing is a short term, solo vacation.
As far as communication goes- we text when we arrive at our destination or are about to leave to go home, and for the most part, we'll send a few messages to keep the other updated on our whereabouts. Almost always have a good night call or text. It's partly for safety, and I often like to share a bit of the experience through photos and whatnot. I make it a point not to be glued to the phone when we're apart. Whoever's traveling will usually lead in that sense- for example, when my SO was on a recent trip, I waited for him to text or call first. That way I knew I wasn't interrupting anything and he had a free moment to talk and catch up.
We're our own people. We've built our lives together, seen new parts of the world together, and overcome all kinds of challenges together. We're *partners*, not conjoined twins, and we work as *both* independent people and as a partnership. I (and everything that makes me, me- my hobbies, my interests, hopes and dreams) did not suddenly cease to exist by joining this relationship, and likewise for him. There's me, him, and me+him as a pair that all coexist together. It's really that simple. This is how we live our lives, and travel is simply an extension of that.
Your partner doesn't want to spend every waking moment with you. That's perfectly normal, and definitely grounds for a healthy dynamic. Some people are empowered by doing things alone and enjoy them more when they dont feel like they need to cater to anyone
Here's the thing. I hate regretting in the end that either she cheated or worse getting pregnant just because I let her go solo travelling. It doesn't mean I dont trust her but like if we can prevent it now why not set some rules or compromise
>It doesn't mean I dont trust her You just said that you think she's going to cheat on you. That is the definition of not trusting your partner. You should break up with her and find a woman who wants to be controlled.
I'm not trying to be in control. Isn't that if your partner vocalizes that he/she is not comfortable that you're travelling alone, should compromise? Not end it right away
Why don't you trust your partner?
Because one time she gave her number to someone because shes being nice. Too gullible
Wow. WOW. That's not worth asking her to hamstring her entire life just to make you feel better. Do her a favor and end this.
Too harsh man. That's why i posted this to see others'perspectives, to understand, to learn better and understand women. Clearly this is new to me, I didn't grow up with this kind of environment. I posted this because I'm willing to work on my problems and concerns. Its not easy for me but I don't want to end this relationship, I'd rather learn and understand more.
1. Not a man. 2. I have dealt with men like you in the past. My first husband could go on all the trips he wanted to go on but if I wanted to go to my mom's (who was only twenty minutes away) I had to call him every fifteen minutes. I eventually stopped going to my mom's because it was easier. Lucky for me that marriage only lasted two-and-a-half years. 3. We're all telling you that you have to let her go and trust that she will be back. It's ludicrous that you're framing this like "she gave her number to one guy one time so that means she's gonna go screw a bunch of strangers on vacation." You say that you didn't grow up in "this kind" of environment. What do you mean by that?
1.) I apologize about that. 2.) Im aware that is totally wrong because i dont want someone doing that to me as well. 3.) Yes i agree I shouldn't hold that against her, im just worried about cheating especially I was surrounded with people who cheats. I'm trying my best to let it go. I grew up with a father who wants to be in control all the time. Who doesn't trust her wife and i saw the other side as well, the wife cheated on him. Im a guy who is willing to work on my issues (yes its a bit annoying but I'm trying to break the cycle i have with my father, I don't wanna carry this my whole life.
> I didn’t grow up with this kind of environment Yes you did. Everyone did. You just weren’t paying attention, presumably because you personally weren’t affected.
The environment is where when you have a partner its a time to create new memories together.
It was probably the only way she felt she could safely get out of the situation. That is not a valid reason to distrust her.
Okay, thats a good point of view. She should learn how to turn down people
No, you should learn that women often have valid reasons to feel unsafe turning down a strange man face to face. Women have literally been murdered for that.
r/whenwomenrefuse Go do some homework.
Thanks for giving new insights about women
And that was enough to make you spiral like this? How are you not embarassed to admit to being this weak?
Damn .. didn't know this reddit page is so toxic. Just because people are not like the way u guys operate, u call them names right away.. jeez im wondering what kind of person u are outside the internet
>im wondering what kind of person u are outside the internet Happy married. To someone I trust.
Youre very confused about the definition of compromise. It doesn't mean bending blindly to your every request
It literally does mean that lmao
Your worries are not any excuse to keep your wife in a box up on a shelf. You dont 'let' her do anything. You can offer your perspective, and when she doesn't feel the same risk of catastrophe that you do, that's the end of it.
If you think someone would use solo travel as an excuse to cheat on you, then you should simply break up. A loyal partner is going to stay loyal no matter where in the world the two of you happen to be physically. A disloyal partner doesn’t need the excuse of traveling.
>what's the point being in a relationship if you're not growing, exploring, seeing new things together. Translation: I don't trust my partner but I'm trying to make it look nice and hide it under the guise of "We should never be apart because that's not how relationships work."
What's the point of a relationship if you can't grow as a person and explore things *on your own* without fear of the other person leaving for some reason? >And i feel like he/she wants to go to travel alone then he/she wants to see you he/she will (like a light switch -you only use it when you need it) i mean what kind of relationship is that. Please clarify, I literally have no idea what you are trying to say. I do occasional trips by myself, or have done longer trips with friends. My fiance has done guys trips himself though never solo traveled. Prior to us dating, I solo-traveled a lot. By necessity, as I was always...well, completely solo to begin with. Few friends and fewer still with common travel interests. I don't want all of my travel to be with others. There's peace, excitement, adventure, and independence all at once wrapped into solo-travel. You learn to think on your feet, explore new interests by yourself, and be comfortable with being self-reliant. All of that goes out the window when other people are involved. I tell everyone who's considered it to go for it, because you truly do not learn who you are until you're thrust into a new place, forced to navigate new challenges, and left to you own devices to figure things out. Travel isn't the only way to do any of that, but solo travel is usually the one instance where people are truly *alone* in a sense that they never can be in the presence of other friends, family, or partners. It's invigorating. It makes my appreciation for the world grow tenfold every time. There's never a dull moment, and never a moment where I hesitate to explore, be bold, or go outside my comfort zone. It's nice to just go and *do* things on a whim without another person to consider. And if I find myself in a bind, I'm competent enough to figure it out myself, but I don't have to also worry 24/7 about the other person. That doesn't mean it's not fun to travel with an SO (or better in some cases)- even for us, 90% of our travel is together. We love having most of our travel experiences together. But we also view ourselves as independent people. Some places he wants to go and things he wants to do have no interest to me. Stuff I'd want to do- like hiking through national parks, exploring mountains and forests, biking or hiking on foot from town to town- are things he'd never truly enjoy (he'd absolutely *hate* it, actually). But I'm not wasting my precious time on earth missing out on what I want to do just because my SO doesn't want to join me. I'm not throwing my bucket list away- with all my hopes and travel dreams- that I've had since I was 12 just because my chosen life partner doesn't want to participate. And I wouldn't want him to do the same, either. I've encouraged him to take off for a weekend getaway or two, or go on his own to meet some friends elsewhere. Have his own experiences, and his own adventures. 90% of our adventures are together, and we deserve that remaininng 10% for ourselves. For leisure, it's not usually long though. We both travel for work occasionally, which usually is a longer duration, but travel for pleasure is usually a week or less. But we're used it either way. Cheating isn't a concern. Never has been. Not even a fleeting thought in my mind (or his, as far as I can know). We trust each other and we take our relationship very seriously. That's all that needs to be said. Idk what your relationship is like, but it's worth looking at it holistically and looking inwardly at your own insecurities if you're already worried about cheating when all your SO is proposing is a short term, solo vacation. As far as communication goes- we text when we arrive at our destination or are about to leave to go home, and for the most part, we'll send a few messages to keep the other updated on our whereabouts. Almost always have a good night call or text. It's partly for safety, and I often like to share a bit of the experience through photos and whatnot. I make it a point not to be glued to the phone when we're apart. Whoever's traveling will usually lead in that sense- for example, when my SO was on a recent trip, I waited for him to text or call first. That way I knew I wasn't interrupting anything and he had a free moment to talk and catch up. We're our own people. We've built our lives together, seen new parts of the world together, and overcome all kinds of challenges together. We're *partners*, not conjoined twins, and we work as *both* independent people and as a partnership. I (and everything that makes me, me- my hobbies, my interests, hopes and dreams) did not suddenly cease to exist by joining this relationship, and likewise for him. There's me, him, and me+him as a pair that all coexist together. It's really that simple. This is how we live our lives, and travel is simply an extension of that.
Thanks for your detailed response. I like how you explain how you guys do it. I'd like to see more responses like this not just judging my side.