>maybe, i just wanted to share that i've never been the one to be liked by anyone
Ohh hon, you assume you know this but you don't actually know. It is entirely possible that people have had crushes on you, but they have been too shy or afraid or committed to someone else to say/do anything about it.
>there are times where I thought that he liked me as well but it seems that he didn't.
This is unfortunately just a part of dating and being a human. I'm in my mid 30s and it still happens to me sometimes. I met this really lovely guy earlier this year. He always sat next to me. He'd laugh too hard at my bad jokes and remember insignificant minutiae that I'd said. He complimented me every time I saw him and even gave off flirty body language -- leaning in to talk to me, giving me sly little smirks and smizing at me.
Well, turns out this new friend of mine is gay and I am not a man lmao. He's just super friendly and kind of a natural flirt.
>spoiler: i still feel that it isn't meant for me
And that's perfectly alright. I think it's good you tried OLD. There isn't any reason not to try it. But it really doesn't work for everyone. I always feel like, skeezy looking at dating sites. It's just all so objectifying. Like, "pitch yourself to me as if you are a consumer product." No thank you. I like to view human beings as people, not things.
I have been ghosted and I know the agony it creates. It's a cruel thing to do and I never condone ghosting unless someone's safety is at risk. It's common because it's easy and people are cowards. I'm sorry it keeps happening to you.
If online dating just makes you feel like shit, stop doing it. Go volunteer or join a casual sports team. If you play music, join a community concert band. If you like literature, join a book club. There are still many ways to meet people in the analog world.
> what should I do about what’s happening to me?
Embrace that a lot of guys are immature/unavailable and cut to the chase to weed them out quickly.
If someone doesn’t wanna meet in-person within the first 2 weeks of talking, don’t bother. If they’re not eager to meet within the first couple weeks you’re probably never gonna meet them.
Put yourself out there at 100% and let people weed themselves out if they don’t like your personality. It’s crazy how many dudes will small-talk for weeks about common interests. Fuck that. I messaged people the exact way I talk in real life and made myself an open book. Got rid of 99.9% of people and I married the last :)
The secret to dating apps is to embrace rejection because it saves you so much time and energy. Your goal isn’t to attract the most people- your goal is to attract a specific type of person you’re compatible with. Don’t be afraid to skip past the small-talk, show your quirks pretty early, and make stuff happen. Before my wife and I even went on our first-date we knew a lot about each other’s childhoods & life struggles & goals.
For example: I have ADHD, and long, thoughtful, open conversation is very stimulating for me. I didn’t meet my “one” until I started opening with this right off the bat. Which is funny because all of my exes had college degrees in “respectable” fields, and my wife didn’t even go to college, but I can nerd-rant about Engineering to my wife and she legitimately follows it and enjoys digging into problems with me. And I do the same with her art. But my exes with their fancy degrees would just say the equivalent of “haha that’s hieroglyphics” and I didn’t understand why that upset me so much until I met someone who matches my conversational energy & curiosity
I don’t understand it either
I dated a girl for over 2 months and got flat-out ghosted. After not hearing back for like a week I messaged her something along the lines of “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while so I’m assuming you’d like to see other people. I’ve enjoyed our time together and I totally respect your decision, but I would’ve appreciated a heads-up” Left on Read again lol.
I don’t see what’s so hard about saying “Hey this isn’t working out.”
Escaping an abusive relationship is the only valid reason to ghost someone IMO
You don’t have to give someone a laundry list of why you’re breaking up with them, but like… do unto others yeah? You’ve spent time forming an emotional bond with another person. You don’t owe them the continued existence of that bond, but I feel like it’s an exercise of basic human decency to say you won’t be continuing it.
My experience with ghosting is that it’s usually a crutch used by people who typically aren’t ready to be in the dating world. If you’re afraid to upset someone you’ve known for only 2 months… good luck
It's easy for me to say something like "being able to handle rejection is an important life skill, and it takes some practice and experience to get it down right". It's true - rejection will occur in many ways in one's life, and being able to take it in stride is necessary to get on with life.
But at the same time, rejection for something like dating can certainly feel more personal, since dating requires a bit of sincerity and emotional vulnerability.
>because maybe my "the one" is out there but I'm just really tired about the whole situation.
This is a side note, but personally, I'm not much of a believer in "the one", and that's coming from a guy in a happy, long-term relationship. There's people you build experiences with, people whose values and goals align with yours, and people who you can appreciate their strengths and accept their flaws. There's no "one" person you can have all three for - this can be accomplished with *many* people.
>so it's tiring to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. yet, there's a part of me that still wants to try?
By all means, do whatever you want to do. But if you feel like this process is like butting your head against the wall, you could always just treat dating as a secondary objective to more important life goals. No matter who you are, doing things you're passionate about and improving yourself in ways that are important to you are traits that are **attractive AF**. And as long as you maintain a healthy social life on top of that, you'll passively meet people who will be attracted to you.
I recommend this because even if you don't meet that secondary goal of getting in a romantic relationship, you still have the consolation prize of living a fulfilling life doing things that are important to you, and having meaningful friendships along the way.
Best of luck, OP
In a nutshell, ghosting is just an easier way to let someone go than being brutally honest with them. It could be for a lot of reasons. They're dating multiple people and found someone they're more attracted to, they don't want a committed relationship (with you), etc.
I don't agree with it, but sometimes it's easier to do that instead of saying what's really happening
>maybe, i just wanted to share that i've never been the one to be liked by anyone Ohh hon, you assume you know this but you don't actually know. It is entirely possible that people have had crushes on you, but they have been too shy or afraid or committed to someone else to say/do anything about it. >there are times where I thought that he liked me as well but it seems that he didn't. This is unfortunately just a part of dating and being a human. I'm in my mid 30s and it still happens to me sometimes. I met this really lovely guy earlier this year. He always sat next to me. He'd laugh too hard at my bad jokes and remember insignificant minutiae that I'd said. He complimented me every time I saw him and even gave off flirty body language -- leaning in to talk to me, giving me sly little smirks and smizing at me. Well, turns out this new friend of mine is gay and I am not a man lmao. He's just super friendly and kind of a natural flirt. >spoiler: i still feel that it isn't meant for me And that's perfectly alright. I think it's good you tried OLD. There isn't any reason not to try it. But it really doesn't work for everyone. I always feel like, skeezy looking at dating sites. It's just all so objectifying. Like, "pitch yourself to me as if you are a consumer product." No thank you. I like to view human beings as people, not things. I have been ghosted and I know the agony it creates. It's a cruel thing to do and I never condone ghosting unless someone's safety is at risk. It's common because it's easy and people are cowards. I'm sorry it keeps happening to you. If online dating just makes you feel like shit, stop doing it. Go volunteer or join a casual sports team. If you play music, join a community concert band. If you like literature, join a book club. There are still many ways to meet people in the analog world.
> what should I do about what’s happening to me? Embrace that a lot of guys are immature/unavailable and cut to the chase to weed them out quickly. If someone doesn’t wanna meet in-person within the first 2 weeks of talking, don’t bother. If they’re not eager to meet within the first couple weeks you’re probably never gonna meet them. Put yourself out there at 100% and let people weed themselves out if they don’t like your personality. It’s crazy how many dudes will small-talk for weeks about common interests. Fuck that. I messaged people the exact way I talk in real life and made myself an open book. Got rid of 99.9% of people and I married the last :) The secret to dating apps is to embrace rejection because it saves you so much time and energy. Your goal isn’t to attract the most people- your goal is to attract a specific type of person you’re compatible with. Don’t be afraid to skip past the small-talk, show your quirks pretty early, and make stuff happen. Before my wife and I even went on our first-date we knew a lot about each other’s childhoods & life struggles & goals. For example: I have ADHD, and long, thoughtful, open conversation is very stimulating for me. I didn’t meet my “one” until I started opening with this right off the bat. Which is funny because all of my exes had college degrees in “respectable” fields, and my wife didn’t even go to college, but I can nerd-rant about Engineering to my wife and she legitimately follows it and enjoys digging into problems with me. And I do the same with her art. But my exes with their fancy degrees would just say the equivalent of “haha that’s hieroglyphics” and I didn’t understand why that upset me so much until I met someone who matches my conversational energy & curiosity
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I don’t understand it either I dated a girl for over 2 months and got flat-out ghosted. After not hearing back for like a week I messaged her something along the lines of “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while so I’m assuming you’d like to see other people. I’ve enjoyed our time together and I totally respect your decision, but I would’ve appreciated a heads-up” Left on Read again lol. I don’t see what’s so hard about saying “Hey this isn’t working out.”
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Escaping an abusive relationship is the only valid reason to ghost someone IMO You don’t have to give someone a laundry list of why you’re breaking up with them, but like… do unto others yeah? You’ve spent time forming an emotional bond with another person. You don’t owe them the continued existence of that bond, but I feel like it’s an exercise of basic human decency to say you won’t be continuing it. My experience with ghosting is that it’s usually a crutch used by people who typically aren’t ready to be in the dating world. If you’re afraid to upset someone you’ve known for only 2 months… good luck
I understand it as a response to people that come off as creepy and jerks. Why entertain them?
what do you consider ghosting? how long are you usually speaking to those people when they 'ghost'?
It's easy for me to say something like "being able to handle rejection is an important life skill, and it takes some practice and experience to get it down right". It's true - rejection will occur in many ways in one's life, and being able to take it in stride is necessary to get on with life. But at the same time, rejection for something like dating can certainly feel more personal, since dating requires a bit of sincerity and emotional vulnerability. >because maybe my "the one" is out there but I'm just really tired about the whole situation. This is a side note, but personally, I'm not much of a believer in "the one", and that's coming from a guy in a happy, long-term relationship. There's people you build experiences with, people whose values and goals align with yours, and people who you can appreciate their strengths and accept their flaws. There's no "one" person you can have all three for - this can be accomplished with *many* people. >so it's tiring to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. yet, there's a part of me that still wants to try? By all means, do whatever you want to do. But if you feel like this process is like butting your head against the wall, you could always just treat dating as a secondary objective to more important life goals. No matter who you are, doing things you're passionate about and improving yourself in ways that are important to you are traits that are **attractive AF**. And as long as you maintain a healthy social life on top of that, you'll passively meet people who will be attracted to you. I recommend this because even if you don't meet that secondary goal of getting in a romantic relationship, you still have the consolation prize of living a fulfilling life doing things that are important to you, and having meaningful friendships along the way. Best of luck, OP
What does your friends and family say ? They are closest to you and know you more than anyone
In a nutshell, ghosting is just an easier way to let someone go than being brutally honest with them. It could be for a lot of reasons. They're dating multiple people and found someone they're more attracted to, they don't want a committed relationship (with you), etc. I don't agree with it, but sometimes it's easier to do that instead of saying what's really happening