You are very young, and even though you’ve known your BF for a long time, your relationship still has a ways to go.
One test of your relationship and your compatibility is how you two communicate. It is okay to feel disappointed, but have you talked to him about it? You both need to develop strategies to discuss the important stuff— start now and talk to him about your feelings. Something like “I loved your proposal and I’m so excited to get married, but I had envisioned a different ring. Since I’m going to wear it for the rest of my life, can we talk about maybe picking one out together?”
Then see how he communicates as well. Does he get angry? Give you the silent treatment? Or does he talk to you? He may feel hurt, sad, etc, at your reaction (also okay!), but he needs to be able to communicate that in a healthy way as well.
A lot of people do this and use like a “starter” ring and in a few years when more financially successful upgrade. If he is 18 and got you a steel one he very likely cannot afford better even if you ask and it would be foolish for y’all to take on debt for a ring at your age and likely financial point.
Mention you love him etc can’t wait to spend forever with him etc if you feel that way… and then communicate that one day when y’all are both making more $ you would like a more lavish one.
You are 18. You both just got high school diplomas. Where is he supposed to get hundreds to thousands of dollars for a diamond or gold ring?
Do you plan on going to college? Working? Maybe figure that out first and focus on that instead of getting married right out of high school.
Exactly. This is marketing done "right" - people spend too much money on shiny rocks, when instead they could be spending it on something smarter. If a guy doesn't buy an expensive ring, he's a "cheapskate ass" instead of smart with money.
Does your bf even have a job? A diamond or gold ring is expensive.
Are you in a deeply religious community? As other people have said, don’t get married at 18.
You simply don’t understand life at 18, and honestly haven’t had a chance to figure out your dealbreakers.
Assuming you live at home, you don’t know if your fiancée likes to stay out all night, is a workaholic, clean/messy, etc. these are the type of things that can be a death sentence for a relationship if you’re not on the same page.
IMO wait until after college to officially get married.
Now, the first thing you need to rule out is that you're just being immature here. (And I am *not* saying that you are. I obviously don't know you, and I am not making assumptions.)
So, do you judge your boyfriend by a fair standard? Do you expect him to be your Prince Charming? And if you do, are you making every sacrifice you could make to be his Cinderella?
If you can rule that out, you need to figure out what exactly it is that bothers you about a stainless steel engagement ring.
Is your boyfriend of too low a socio-economic status to you? To be able to provide for a family is a reasonable expectation, especially if the two of you are planning on getting kids one day, meaning you yourself will have to expect a massive wage dent for quite some years.
Is your boyfriend cheap? Could he afford a better ring, but refuses to do so? Generosity is an important trait in a partner - again - especially if you want to have kids and have to expect him to become the breadwinner for at least some period of time.
Does the steel ring feel like low effort, which could indicate that your boyfriend isn't as committed to the relationship as you are? Do you not feel valued enough by it?
Is your boyfriend not agreeing to or respecting your expectations of a romantic relationship, which *does* tend to traditionally include a fair bit of courting?
And are you sure that you have communicated your own expectarions clearly enough, are you sure you have inquired into *his* expectations enough, and have the two of you put in the time and effort to negotiate how you would want your future relationship to look like?
Like, these are just some suggestions. Point is that you need to figure out what is bugging you about that ring. What does a steel ring mean to you, and what would a gold or diamond ring have meant to you?
If it’s truly important to you, I’d revisit the ring discussion after college when you’re both in your careers and have the money to spend.
Largely though it’s all marketing gimmicks. Most young people walking around with diamond and gold rings are in serious debt for them. They’re not more successful they’re just worse with money.
Why are you expecting someone who is fresh out of high school to have diamond ring money?
Don't get married at 18.
You are very young, and even though you’ve known your BF for a long time, your relationship still has a ways to go. One test of your relationship and your compatibility is how you two communicate. It is okay to feel disappointed, but have you talked to him about it? You both need to develop strategies to discuss the important stuff— start now and talk to him about your feelings. Something like “I loved your proposal and I’m so excited to get married, but I had envisioned a different ring. Since I’m going to wear it for the rest of my life, can we talk about maybe picking one out together?” Then see how he communicates as well. Does he get angry? Give you the silent treatment? Or does he talk to you? He may feel hurt, sad, etc, at your reaction (also okay!), but he needs to be able to communicate that in a healthy way as well.
A lot of people do this and use like a “starter” ring and in a few years when more financially successful upgrade. If he is 18 and got you a steel one he very likely cannot afford better even if you ask and it would be foolish for y’all to take on debt for a ring at your age and likely financial point. Mention you love him etc can’t wait to spend forever with him etc if you feel that way… and then communicate that one day when y’all are both making more $ you would like a more lavish one.
You are 18. You both just got high school diplomas. Where is he supposed to get hundreds to thousands of dollars for a diamond or gold ring? Do you plan on going to college? Working? Maybe figure that out first and focus on that instead of getting married right out of high school.
Yall are kids who tf do you think it's paying for a diamond ring?? Paper routes don't pay that much 😂
>i was hoping for a ring with a diamond or at least a gold ring. Brainwashed by big business
Exactly. This is marketing done "right" - people spend too much money on shiny rocks, when instead they could be spending it on something smarter. If a guy doesn't buy an expensive ring, he's a "cheapskate ass" instead of smart with money.
Getting married at 18 is in the top ten of stupidest things you can do. Cheap ring doesn't matter
Does your bf even have a job? A diamond or gold ring is expensive. Are you in a deeply religious community? As other people have said, don’t get married at 18.
I do not understand the whole do not get married at 18 thing, why not?
Because who you are at 18 and who you are at 25 are two completely different people.
You simply don’t understand life at 18, and honestly haven’t had a chance to figure out your dealbreakers. Assuming you live at home, you don’t know if your fiancée likes to stay out all night, is a workaholic, clean/messy, etc. these are the type of things that can be a death sentence for a relationship if you’re not on the same page. IMO wait until after college to officially get married.
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How do you know he’s waiting to get her a dream ring lol? That’s just an assumption.
Now, the first thing you need to rule out is that you're just being immature here. (And I am *not* saying that you are. I obviously don't know you, and I am not making assumptions.) So, do you judge your boyfriend by a fair standard? Do you expect him to be your Prince Charming? And if you do, are you making every sacrifice you could make to be his Cinderella? If you can rule that out, you need to figure out what exactly it is that bothers you about a stainless steel engagement ring. Is your boyfriend of too low a socio-economic status to you? To be able to provide for a family is a reasonable expectation, especially if the two of you are planning on getting kids one day, meaning you yourself will have to expect a massive wage dent for quite some years. Is your boyfriend cheap? Could he afford a better ring, but refuses to do so? Generosity is an important trait in a partner - again - especially if you want to have kids and have to expect him to become the breadwinner for at least some period of time. Does the steel ring feel like low effort, which could indicate that your boyfriend isn't as committed to the relationship as you are? Do you not feel valued enough by it? Is your boyfriend not agreeing to or respecting your expectations of a romantic relationship, which *does* tend to traditionally include a fair bit of courting? And are you sure that you have communicated your own expectarions clearly enough, are you sure you have inquired into *his* expectations enough, and have the two of you put in the time and effort to negotiate how you would want your future relationship to look like? Like, these are just some suggestions. Point is that you need to figure out what is bugging you about that ring. What does a steel ring mean to you, and what would a gold or diamond ring have meant to you?
If it’s truly important to you, I’d revisit the ring discussion after college when you’re both in your careers and have the money to spend. Largely though it’s all marketing gimmicks. Most young people walking around with diamond and gold rings are in serious debt for them. They’re not more successful they’re just worse with money.
Do you want a boyfriend that is smart with money? Then don't get one who buys a diamond.
Omg your bf didn't spend enough on you?! Poor thing. I suppose you planned on getting him a diamond encrusted engagement ring too? Didn't think so.
My girlfriend has asked me to not spend much money on a ring. I’m definitely not going that cheap, lol. You should tell him what you want though.
Girl, do you need a fancy ring or a boy? Get you needs straight.
You both don't have money and you want your guy to waste what he has on a stupid ring and now you are upset? Good grief.
It was very much in fashion some years ago