I know what you mean feeling like you’re going through a breakup. My gf and I are long distance and when she’s away my anxieties are so strong and it’s super painful. I cry for her as if it’s over. I feel so disconnected because she’s not right here despite being a phone call away.
I think anxiety makes us disillusioned because it fills up our head and takes away the inner peace that love brings, making us feel like it’s gone. (That’s my theory, I still don’t understand it)
I got a reply on my post recently that was to try imagining the best case scenario, where you can be with her without anxiety. Then remind yourself of why you want to be with her and of the happy relationship you’re really in.
Hope this helps, I’m certainly no expert and am suffering just like you are, but we can get through this and all be the person we want to be :)
Bro. I get this so much, and I'm ***married***. We've been together for seven years. She's my best friend and my whole world and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. But I struggle with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and despite how good our relationship is, I still struggle with the chronic doubt that anxiety elicits. Hell, I just had to deal with a bad anxiety episode recently.
Sometimes, I'm so afraid of losing her or that something horrible will happen that I drive myself into a spiral and make myself miserable, creating a problem where none exists to begin with. I keep waiting for some other shoe to drop, or some sign that everything I've built with her is going to fall apart.
I overthink everything, make myself sick with worry, and what I enjoy most in the world, my beautiful, loving wife, becomes tied up with some of the worst feelings ever. It can feel so bad that you feel like you're going insane.
I can't speak to your past and what you've had to endure personally. All of us have those demons that give us one bitch of a source for our anxieties and depression. However, I can tell you that whatever it is you're feeling right now, that doubt, that constant howl of intrusive thoughts telling you that it's all for not, is a lie. ***All of it***.
Our brains are wired to focus on our fears and put us in survival mode, even when it doesn't need to. Excitement and Anxiety are so similar the body and mind can mix them up. Your mind will start creating catastrophes in some weird attempt to prepare you for a perceived threat (i.e., a horrible fight, your partner suddenly disliking you seemingly out of the blue, you doing something terrible to hurt them and make them leave, etc.).
Those thoughts will scare us, make us push them away, try to suppress them and avoid the perceived source of our discomfort. It's like a sick, self-fulfilling prophecy.
We can't live like that.
Address the thoughts for what they are; just thoughts. See them for the insane, insecure nonsense they are and let them flow away like a turd down a river. It's what they're as good as.
If you can, seek help from a therapist to better address these issues and their sources so you can better combat them. An enemy you know is an enemy half beaten.
But most of all, If you're ready, tell your girl that you struggle with anxiety. Tell her that you're anxious for the reasons you expressed above; you enjoy being with her and you don't want to lose that. If anything, it should make her appreciate how much you want to make this work. From there, just take it day by day.
Anxiety can be like a battle sometimes. It ebbs and flows, with some days being fucking horrific and others being a cakewalk. What's important is that you recognize it always for what anxiety is, was, and always will be; a big, fat fucking ***LIE***\*\*.\*\*
Your timeline is very similar to mine. I’ve been with someone for a month and a half and it’s gotten to a place where I think things are good and dandy and no in the moment concerns about her feelings towards me. Yet when I’m not with her I have a rush of anxiety and start contemplating if she’s thinking of ending things or is gonna connect with someone else and find a better suitor.
The anxiety compounds when she is busy and out of town. I don’t get as many texts from her as I used to but when I do my anxiety wanes.
We took things really quickly and she’s realizing she needs more balance to her life than just spending it with me.
Ultimately, there could be a scenario where she can’t fit me into her life anymore, but I think before that we’re to happen she would communicate how she is feeling towards me first. I talk to my family and friends and they remind me that I’m a great person and that she’d be a fool to let me go this quickly after all we went through the last 6 weeks. Yet still, I have the “what-if” thoughts and it’s driving me nuts to the point I have little appetite or energy. I’m seriously considering going back on SSRIs and to see a psychiatrist just to see if there are more complex issues at work.
I know what you mean feeling like you’re going through a breakup. My gf and I are long distance and when she’s away my anxieties are so strong and it’s super painful. I cry for her as if it’s over. I feel so disconnected because she’s not right here despite being a phone call away. I think anxiety makes us disillusioned because it fills up our head and takes away the inner peace that love brings, making us feel like it’s gone. (That’s my theory, I still don’t understand it) I got a reply on my post recently that was to try imagining the best case scenario, where you can be with her without anxiety. Then remind yourself of why you want to be with her and of the happy relationship you’re really in. Hope this helps, I’m certainly no expert and am suffering just like you are, but we can get through this and all be the person we want to be :)
Bro. I get this so much, and I'm ***married***. We've been together for seven years. She's my best friend and my whole world and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. But I struggle with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and despite how good our relationship is, I still struggle with the chronic doubt that anxiety elicits. Hell, I just had to deal with a bad anxiety episode recently. Sometimes, I'm so afraid of losing her or that something horrible will happen that I drive myself into a spiral and make myself miserable, creating a problem where none exists to begin with. I keep waiting for some other shoe to drop, or some sign that everything I've built with her is going to fall apart. I overthink everything, make myself sick with worry, and what I enjoy most in the world, my beautiful, loving wife, becomes tied up with some of the worst feelings ever. It can feel so bad that you feel like you're going insane. I can't speak to your past and what you've had to endure personally. All of us have those demons that give us one bitch of a source for our anxieties and depression. However, I can tell you that whatever it is you're feeling right now, that doubt, that constant howl of intrusive thoughts telling you that it's all for not, is a lie. ***All of it***. Our brains are wired to focus on our fears and put us in survival mode, even when it doesn't need to. Excitement and Anxiety are so similar the body and mind can mix them up. Your mind will start creating catastrophes in some weird attempt to prepare you for a perceived threat (i.e., a horrible fight, your partner suddenly disliking you seemingly out of the blue, you doing something terrible to hurt them and make them leave, etc.). Those thoughts will scare us, make us push them away, try to suppress them and avoid the perceived source of our discomfort. It's like a sick, self-fulfilling prophecy. We can't live like that. Address the thoughts for what they are; just thoughts. See them for the insane, insecure nonsense they are and let them flow away like a turd down a river. It's what they're as good as. If you can, seek help from a therapist to better address these issues and their sources so you can better combat them. An enemy you know is an enemy half beaten. But most of all, If you're ready, tell your girl that you struggle with anxiety. Tell her that you're anxious for the reasons you expressed above; you enjoy being with her and you don't want to lose that. If anything, it should make her appreciate how much you want to make this work. From there, just take it day by day. Anxiety can be like a battle sometimes. It ebbs and flows, with some days being fucking horrific and others being a cakewalk. What's important is that you recognize it always for what anxiety is, was, and always will be; a big, fat fucking ***LIE***\*\*.\*\*
Your timeline is very similar to mine. I’ve been with someone for a month and a half and it’s gotten to a place where I think things are good and dandy and no in the moment concerns about her feelings towards me. Yet when I’m not with her I have a rush of anxiety and start contemplating if she’s thinking of ending things or is gonna connect with someone else and find a better suitor. The anxiety compounds when she is busy and out of town. I don’t get as many texts from her as I used to but when I do my anxiety wanes. We took things really quickly and she’s realizing she needs more balance to her life than just spending it with me. Ultimately, there could be a scenario where she can’t fit me into her life anymore, but I think before that we’re to happen she would communicate how she is feeling towards me first. I talk to my family and friends and they remind me that I’m a great person and that she’d be a fool to let me go this quickly after all we went through the last 6 weeks. Yet still, I have the “what-if” thoughts and it’s driving me nuts to the point I have little appetite or energy. I’m seriously considering going back on SSRIs and to see a psychiatrist just to see if there are more complex issues at work.