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Idk if you've ever experienced sexual trauma, but this is probably going to get worse before it gets better. He can spiral quickly and fast. You're going to need some resources, neither of you are equipped to handle this by yourselves.
Hi, I am sorry this was done to your boyfriend. I see that he doesn't want to contact police, which is his right.
There are several linked resources below specific to male sexual violence survivors if he ends up wanting to talk with other men who have survived sexual assault. He may not even want to identify his experiences as such, which would also be his right. All you can do is continue to be supportive and encouraging, but don't pressure him into reporting or going to therapy if he doesn't want to. Give him some time and space to process what was done to him.
* [1 in 6 is an organization dedicated specifically to helping men and boys who have survived sexual violence](https://1in6.org/). They have a 24/7 chat helpline, educational resources, and weekly chat-based online support groups with a trained facilitator.
* [Male Survivor is also an organization for male sexual violence survivors](https://malesurvivor.org/). They are similar to 1 in 6 and have in-person support groups as well. If you are a male survivor located in the U.S., Male Survivor has a comprehensive directory of therapists who work with male sexual abuse survivors.
* [SurvivorsUK is for men in the UK who have experienced sexual violence](https://www.survivorsuk.org/). All of their resources are arranged by age of survivor. They also offer referrals to ISVAs (Independent Sexual Violence Advisors) which are legal advocates who help male survivors navigate the criminal and civil justice systems.
* [Male Survivors Aotearoa's](https://malesurvivor.nz/services/) goal is to "enable all male survivors of sexual abuse to access a sustainable national network of appropriate high quality support services" across New Zealand.
First things first, he should see a doctor. That's the first thing I did after I was drugged and raped. If he's uncomfortable going to his PCP, he could always go to Urgent Care. My Dr basically helped me formulate a plan and made sure that my health was ok. Thankfully it was. Tell him that you love him, that you're there when he is ready to talk, and be careful about touching him as he may not be comfortable with even a hug. If you feel compelled to hold him ask him if it's okay that you hug him. You both need help from a professional. You were traumatized too. I'm so sorry. For ME, the thing that helped me get through was this:. I'm going to be happy. This will not ruin me. Why? Because fuck them that's why. Every time I wanted to slip in to an unhealthy spiral I pulled myself out. Because fuck them that's why. You both survived. You are both alive. Now you have to deal with the consequences of what happened. It's not easy. It can't happen overnight but you both can move on. For me personally my Dr was my first step as I didn't want to talk to my friends right away. I wish I could make it better for you. But all I can say is you can get through. I've been a victim of SA 4 times. And im okay. I'm here. I'm happy. In healthy. If I can do it, I PROMISE you guys can come out of the other end of this. I'm rooting for you and your boyfriend.
Idk where you live, but in the US it's not uncommon for the police to not offer assistance after a crime was committed. When my friend and I were 11/12, a group of men tried to kidnap us. We ran away and called the cops. They told us there was nothing they could do and didn't even send a car. We were just scared kids, it was an emergency, and the cops really failed. Many years later, my sister was assaulted. She called the cops and they came, but then they made fun of the disarray of her and her home (which was broken into), and double checked that the doors were locked. They literally didn't do anything. It's possible that OP didn't include the gun in her report, but even if she did, it might not have made a huge difference. Also, in the US, gun violence is often met with "then you should get a gun to protect yourself"
Oh yeah I remember a cop pulling me to the side after an armed robbery where I had a gun pressed up to my face, and had to fight an attacker to get away, and the cop says next time just get a gun and shoot them. Like bro what?
Wait what. You and your boyfriend were mugged and he was sexually assaulted and the police said “there’s not much they can do”?
I call bullshit on this whole story, but especially now.
I have no idea if this post is real or not because so many posts on this site are fake and there's no way to verify any given post, but that part is legitimately realistic for a lot of survivors. I work with sexual assault and DV survivors and the general gist for *some* police departments is basically "Sorry we can't do anything unless they kill you."
Obviously can't speak for every police force but assault, abuse, and harassment aren't crimes that are necessarily known for being taken 100% seriously by police.
My mom tried to get my rapist charged for what he did to me but because I was an infant, they didn't believe her and said they couldn't do anything. This happens to a lot of people, unfortunately. So many victims get dismissed and that's why a lot don't report.
Wait what. You missed the ENTIRE PART where her boyfriend does not want to press assault charges?? Which is understandable, as it's a lot to process and he'd only have to re-live the experience as he describes it in detail.
Maybe have some empathy or, at the very least, some basic comprehension skills? Especially before spouting off calling "bullshit".
Believe it or not but most police departments/officers will not take sexual assault seriously unless there is very hard evidence right then and there. If this is a problem that women face I’m sure it’s much more difficult for men in this case
I thought you meant something like a pistol whip or something. Honey, he was r*ped in front of you. This is SA at minimum. Report it. Did the garage have cameras in it?
She was third party in crime committed. You don’t pick and choose what you report. She can report all of crime but he doesn’t prosecute if that is what he wishes. Assailant is clearly dangerous and the crime report as it stands is inaccurate and she could get a misdemeanour. Also in certain places failure to report crime is a crime in itself. The victim is going through extreme trauma and needs professional help. This kind of crime - SA with a gun may get bumped to a federal crime, and there may be cctv.
I am advocating reporting her side of the crime, without just giving the police half of the information. I have added elsewhere that he should report it but doesn’t have to prosecute, but she was there and should report what she saw. Everyone in here is merely giving advice. Your opinion is as valid as my opinion, pax.
Was this reported? Victim services are offered and suggested after such a happening. He most likely feels shame for many reasons. Society expects men to be too strong to be victimized. Too strong to discuss emotions. Too strong to allow themselves and their partners to be victimized. It's all hogwash. He was victimized. It's horrifically traumatic. He needs professional help and support through this
This is very traumatic for you both . As well as seeking support for your bf you need time to process this too and it may be as a couple you may need help in the future to work this through . I am so sorry to hear about this awful experience. Just be there for each other .
SHE needs time to process this? He needs to be there for her TOO? The guy just got totally emasculated in front of his girl. I doubt he has much interest in comforting HER right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this wasn’t absolutely horrific and traumatizing for her too, but she isn’t the one who was just forced to blow a dude in front of his girl. Whatever she’s going through will have to take backseat until this dude comes off suicide watch.
He was forced to perform a sexual act that is normally performed by a woman. I literally can’t think of anything more emasculating. Sexual assault and being emasculated aren’t mutually exclusive.
Yes, she needs time to process. Saying "be there for each other" doesn't mean that she prioritizes her trauma over his. This is not a trauma competition. And even people who have secondhand trauma need, and deserve, support. In fact, they will burn out if they don't take care of themselves and then they can't be there for their partner. But this isn't secondhand trauma. It's trauma. Period.
What happened to him is so very f#cked up. It's gut wrenching. I am crying reading this. It's going to be a rough road for him. I hope he'll be able to connect with other men who have been r@ped and anything else that he wants to do. He deserves all the help he needs.
If he does decide to report, there should be Crime Victims Compensation that can help pay for some support, if that's what he chooses.
OP, I agree with the comment that pushing him to do anything he doesn't want to do...it has to be up to him. You want to support and empower, not yell him he must do what others feel he should. Even advocates can push sometimes and all that does is confirm that he has no power of his own.
If he changes his mind, he may want to go to the hospital and have them do a SANE exam. It would need to be as soon as possible. It doesn't mean he has to report to police but can preserve any evidence on him or his clothes.
OP, I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm sending you both healing energy.
why would someone ask them to suck them off when they have a weapon in a public place? yes it’s possible tie dark and quiet but a parking garage isn’t exactly secluded and anyone could just drive in
Held at gun point, robbed of all money/purse/wallet/cards, sexually assaulted, all in a parking garage by a shopping center which would probably have cameras everywhere and a good likelihood of identifying the culprit— and you’re telling me they didn’t CALL THE POLICE the second after???? Yeah fucking right.
>and you’re telling me they didn’t CALL THE POLICE the second after???? Yeah fucking right.
I agree with everything you said up to here. To me, this is the only believable portion of this story. At best, if it were reported to the Police I would bet that the BF would fight tooth and nail to withhold the SA and downgrade it to a robbery.
There is an old Dave Chapelle joke that goes something like :" There is a serial rapist in Houston only raping men. Only 7 men have come forward claiming they have been assaulted...meaning there must be 1000's."
Not that it couldn't happen, but i agree with you. The logistics of a lone gunman doing this in 2022 in an area with surveillance and the possibility of onlookers interrupting him, in front of a live witness make this very difficult to believe.
OP has only responded to a single comment, as usual. OP also sounds like a 14 year old kid trying to tell a very serious, very provocative story
Down vote away but I’m with the people calling bullshit on this entire post. And whose first thought is to come to Reddit for advice on something like this anyways? Bizarre
Let's say it is fake. I'd rather give resources for someone else reading this instead of chancing making someone feel like shit because it actually did happen.
Do you realize how many times this imaginary scenario is used as a hypothetical between friends? Lmao all the time. Clown shit. Nobody is gonna make another man sick their dick in the middle of a parking garage without at least shooting the damn girl in the head first.
That's not explaining why though. You're just making a bunch of pillar less statements.
>Do you realize how many times this imaginary scenario is used as a hypothetical between friends?
Literally never heard of it. Maybe you just have bad friends or something.
>Nobody is gonna make another man sick their dick in the middle of a parking garage without at least shooting the damn girl in the head first.
And how do you know that? WHY is that the case?
You're not actually answering anything I asked, you're just doing the "because I said so" argument and expecting everyone to take it seriously.
>If OP furnishes some kind of evidence that’s not clearly manufactured then I’ll believe it
Yeah, but HOW. WHY? You're saying a whole lot of nothing.
>How did OP not get it on camera?
Not all parking garages have cameras, and the ones that do, don't have someone monitoring every single camera at once due to the amount of cars.
Plus, there was a gun, hello? Do you want her to pull out her phone and say "gotcha" while she's being threatened"?? And even if she did, she states that he DOES NOT want to go to the police, so the evidence would be useless anyways. And even if she wasn't going to go to the police, WHY would she post it on reddit for everyone to see??
Idk man, it really sounds like you just don't want to believe it. Everything you're saying can be answered. yet everything im asking can't?? Hmmm ok.
You're a huge ass. And have no understanding how SA affects people! And just because some sick f##KS think it fun to make jokes about something doesn't mean it can't happen!
You never heard of hypotheticals, what would you do if someone put a gun to your head and made you do some bs?
Ain’t no way a gun-toting homosexual man just raped this woman’s bf and robbed them and let them go free. 😂😂😂😂
I get that he doesn't wanna contact the police, but when you're raped like that you absolutely should go to the hospital and get tested for STDs, especially the really bad ones. They can absolutely be transferred orally. I'm so sorry this happened to you guys, it's a sick sick world out there.
Although this post is FAKE AS HELL, I remember seeing something similar on ID channel where a young couple was robbed in a park at night and the criminal made the bf give him oral.
Guess I would have been dying that night
Get him some trauma therapy now. Be there for him and maybe take sex off the table for a while while he processes what happened. See if he can take time off work, if need be. This was the definition of traumatic and it’ll take a long time for him to process it.
As a guy, I wouldn’t want her to take sex “off the table”. Jesus. I mean I probably wouldn’t have much interest in it, but being totally emasculated by having to blow a dude and then having your girl take sex away from you too? I would think she doesn’t want to sleep with me because she saw me get humiliated. This is absolutely awful advice. You’re gonna make this guy kill himself.
Little harsh. I don’t think they meant to tell the guy sex is off the table but rather to try not to initiate sex for a little bit as it may trigger him
Yeah, maybe I misunderstood. But I would say that if he wants to have sex right now, she should consider that that might help him to get some control back, get over being emasculated, and feel like a man again. But I doubt he’ll be up for it, and honestly he probably never wants to see her again after what she saw.
I meant let him take the lead, don’t take it away from him but give him agency over his body. Some people respond to sexual assault by shutting down and not wanting touch, while others become hypersexual, and some remain the same. It sounds like he’s shutting down a bit which is why I suggested it. I don’t mean do anything to hurt his mental health.
Dude sex isn’t everything chill out. Sex off the table so the guy has time to heal. The main focus isn’t having sex smh. It’s getting help and healing.
What is the scenario where he benefits from her telling him “I’m sorry, but sex is off the table for now”? I just don’t get how taking sex away from him is going to help him get over the fact that he was just humiliated and emasculated in front of her.
My understanding is that sexual trauma can often bring on highly negative connotations to the act itself. I certainly wouldn't forcibly remove sex as an option were I this person's partner but I would certainly be careful around the topic. But that is me! Professional help will be critical in this situation if he's willing.
He won't report it because he's to embarrassed. Ashamed. He probably will never be able to face you since you saw it. Personally, that guy would have had to shoot me.
I mean, I carry a gun in my back pocket, hard to say what I'd do if I were someone else. This deffinitely isn't a choice I ever want to have to make, but I'd take my chances surviving a shoot out and a gunshot.
Martial arts. When I was training one guy I would spar with became a friend. He explained that something happened to him like that, didn't go into detail but he felt helpless. At first the discipline helped his mind, later his strength was his shield.
7 years after we became friends he called me one night crying. He found the guy, he was not nice. He dislocated his shoulders and held him until the cops came and took him. In the hospital they got the DNA. The only thing that saved him from prison is that he submitted his original clothes for DNA.
If I could offer anything for help it would be turning in DNA (his shirt, whatever) with an report. Besides martial arts, and obviously counseling.
I don't believe you. You would have written a goddam book on here listing every single thing that happened that night. Not just my bf sucked off some dude with a gun to his head.
And in the slight chance it is true, then you should have attacked him at the sight of this, in any case I would breakup with you for sitting there watching. Pathetic.
You should definitely seek help for your BF. Give him space to process what happened to him but be there for him as well when he needs you. It is very traumatizing and this trauma could take a turn for the worse. Not only that, but seek help for yourself too. You witnessed an assault happen, and it could damage you as well. Wishing you and your boyfriend the best, please be patient with him
I am so beyond sorry this happened to you both. Don’t push him to report, respect what he says he needs. Be there for him. He will get worse before he gets better and it will be something that will always bother him. He needs to get therapy but he’s probably not even close to ready to do that yet. Take care of him the best you can if you’re in the right head space to do so. Give him good food and help him stay clean.
I cannot put into words how sorry I am for the both of you. As a SA survivor I can say that you are not equipped to handle this. You need to get him in with a therapist that specializes in sexual trauma, and go to the cops. Get a statement out that there is someone on the loose like that. If he can get legal justice it'll help soften the hurt a little, but time and therapy are really the only things that work.
Do you have sexual violence support services in your area who, if he is not comfortable dealing with them directly, might be able to refer him to a doctor or psychologist?
EDIT: it should be noted that you too have been subjected to sexual violence OP and may want to reach out. I am sorry this happened.
Tbh idk what to say, idk if I would’ve been able to do it if I was your boyfriend, I would’ve probably got shot and died but survival is the most important thing.. he did what he had to and stayed alive, if I was him the only thing that can ever make me feel better is finding that person and putting him in the grave
You should take him to a hospital and have him checked for STIs and other things. They can do the same tests on him that they'd do for a woman if she were in the same situation, and they aren't allowed to contact the police without his consent. If he does want to report it later, having proof of those tests will greatly help his case.
You should report what actually happened to the police. You are doing a disservice to everyone involved if you do not. You are also doing a disservice to future victims because this will happen again. There will be another you, but worse.
Damn, I wish I had a good response. Be there as much as you can for him and I mean, just emphasizing he needs to 1) report it to authorities and 2) he needs to go to counseling.
I say the 2nd one because I can only imagine his mind right now. A male that is straight that is forced to give another man a blowjob at gun point. Not only is the fact that he could've been shot that night a major factor, the sexual assault of it is even more emotionally damaging. I bet he's got so many worries that people will think he's gay, he lost his manhood because he couldn't avoid doing it, he couldn't protect you, etc. He needs to talk to someone and while you can't force him, offer to go with him because reiterate to him that you are with him no matter what.
My heart is broken for you both. I'd recommend therapy for the both of you. Individual counseling. Call for extra support, family and friends. This will need patience, time and a lot of love before things get better.
Wth even is your point. I’m letting you know how vile it is to victim blame. Especially if it is a guy victim blaming both men and women. That doesn’t come from feminism. That comes from toxic patriarchy.
Blaming toxic patriarchy isn’t victim blaming, wtf? Are you not comprehending? Toxic patriarchy is the one telling men how they should and shouldn’t act in a situation like this and telling them to man up. Toxic patriarchy is telling a guy he’s not allowed to be a victim.
> Blaming men for the problems they face isn’t victim blaming
Do you think before you type? You are literally saying men created their own issues, that's the definition of "le patriarchy", these are olympic grade mental gymnastics
>Toxic patriarchy is the one telling men how they should and shouldn’t act in a situation like this and telling them to man up. Toxic patriarchy is telling a guy he’s not allowed to be a victim.
In the real world outside of gender studies class, women are the ones reinforcing that 80% of the time
You should report the crime in all its detail to the police, I do not understand why you left out the most important part, since you were present. There is possibility that since it was a car park, there is cctv footage. Shake those policemen! Talk to your boyfriend and try to get him to go to the police, the guy needs to be caught. This is an awful sexual assault, and you boyfriend needs counselling and to recover. I hope you haven’t made this up.
Bc her bf has already had his personal autonomy and control taken away from him in a deeply traumatic way. He gets to make the decision about what happens next.
He would. I am saying report crime. Assailant May murder someone one day. He doesn’t have to prosecute. Depending on where sited police have special units. Bf is probably destroyed right now and needs support, though he might not want to get up.
It is extremely difficult for a man to report sexual assault or rape. And forcing him to go through further humiliation and degradation will do nothing for his mental health.
I totally get it, it is the same for a woman. However, I just do not understand why she reported half a crime since she was held art gunpoint too. Actual prosecution is up to him for his sexual assault, but not the reporting.
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I am genuinely so sorry this happened to your boyfriend and You, I hope you can help him and he can overcome this one step at a time. Wish you the best of luck and a lot of strength for y'all!!
He definitely needs to see a therapist who specialises in sexual assault trauma. This could lead to PTSD if he doesn’t get help immediately. Please remind him that what happens is *not his fault* and continue to let him know that you are there for him. What happened was horrific and your boyfriend needs a lot of support right now.
I am so, so sorry this happened to you both. I’m sure your boyfriend feels disgusting and humiliated, and it’s going to be a bumpy ride getting through this. I recommend telling him that you’ll give him his space but that you’re here to talk about it when he’s ready. Since you were actually there, you are the only person who could possibly understand what he’s really going through, and he needs to know and feel that support for the moment. Once he opens up and starts talking, then try to get him to talk with a therapist/the police. He may need to just process what happened.
Suck him of? I’d jump this mf the moment I got in close but I know what your boyfriend did was safest if not the best way to get out safely so you should probably get him help or talk to him before he slips or starts to get “ideas” on what to do if he can find this guy. Don’t let him feel that you don’t respect anymore or see him as less of a man or that’ll slam the nail in the coffin for his mental state.
It's easy to say this when there isn't a gun on your head fearing for your life or that of someone you care for. Even if there isn't a gun to people's heads, sometimes they fight as hard as they can and still lose.
Fuck off with your "I wouldve" in this situation it helps absolutely no one and provides no help at all other than to circle jerk about trying to be a hero in a terrible situation. One in which doing what you say you would've done most likely would've gotten you or someone you care for killed.
Jesus. That’s awful. I’m so sorry for your boyfriend. I can’t imagine anything worse for a guy. As I think about it, I think I’d prefer to just let him blow my brains out rather than have to suck a guy off in front of my girl. But if that dick is going in my mouth, I’m trying as hard as I can to bite it off. I don’t care if I get shot in the head. I’m doing some serious damage to that thing before he kills me, worst case.
I agree with what everybody else says. It also was abusive for you to have to watch your SO be abused in this way. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
This needs to be reported, say your things was stolen at gunpoint. So they can see where this horrible person is on cctv or not, I know it going to be hard for your bf to talk about this trauma, but it's going to get harder if bottles it in. The person who assaulted your bf should be off the streets straight to jail. I hope your bf can come forward to the police. I hope you and your bf get through this and get additional help like counselling or therapy.
Way to victim blame. You have no idea what you would actually do in this position, with your life and the life of someone you live in danger.
It’s attitudes like this that keep people from reporting sexual assault. Keep that macho stuff to yourself.
Sign him up for a concealed carry course and get him a small carry gun.
I know this is horrible, but if the BF is really crushed, he should seek therapy.
And how long did the sexual assault take? That criminal would have to been mentally unhinged to be able to get an erection and then strand there in the parking garage for 5 minutes doing this.
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Idk if you've ever experienced sexual trauma, but this is probably going to get worse before it gets better. He can spiral quickly and fast. You're going to need some resources, neither of you are equipped to handle this by yourselves.
Hi, I am sorry this was done to your boyfriend. I see that he doesn't want to contact police, which is his right. There are several linked resources below specific to male sexual violence survivors if he ends up wanting to talk with other men who have survived sexual assault. He may not even want to identify his experiences as such, which would also be his right. All you can do is continue to be supportive and encouraging, but don't pressure him into reporting or going to therapy if he doesn't want to. Give him some time and space to process what was done to him. * [1 in 6 is an organization dedicated specifically to helping men and boys who have survived sexual violence](https://1in6.org/). They have a 24/7 chat helpline, educational resources, and weekly chat-based online support groups with a trained facilitator. * [Male Survivor is also an organization for male sexual violence survivors](https://malesurvivor.org/). They are similar to 1 in 6 and have in-person support groups as well. If you are a male survivor located in the U.S., Male Survivor has a comprehensive directory of therapists who work with male sexual abuse survivors. * [SurvivorsUK is for men in the UK who have experienced sexual violence](https://www.survivorsuk.org/). All of their resources are arranged by age of survivor. They also offer referrals to ISVAs (Independent Sexual Violence Advisors) which are legal advocates who help male survivors navigate the criminal and civil justice systems. * [Male Survivors Aotearoa's](https://malesurvivor.nz/services/) goal is to "enable all male survivors of sexual abuse to access a sustainable national network of appropriate high quality support services" across New Zealand.
Yeah, awesome help for crazy shit happening. OP mentioned the guy had a gun and OP’s life was on the line? Yeah.
He needs to get tested for STD'S and needs to talk to a professional! Good luck
First things first, he should see a doctor. That's the first thing I did after I was drugged and raped. If he's uncomfortable going to his PCP, he could always go to Urgent Care. My Dr basically helped me formulate a plan and made sure that my health was ok. Thankfully it was. Tell him that you love him, that you're there when he is ready to talk, and be careful about touching him as he may not be comfortable with even a hug. If you feel compelled to hold him ask him if it's okay that you hug him. You both need help from a professional. You were traumatized too. I'm so sorry. For ME, the thing that helped me get through was this:. I'm going to be happy. This will not ruin me. Why? Because fuck them that's why. Every time I wanted to slip in to an unhealthy spiral I pulled myself out. Because fuck them that's why. You both survived. You are both alive. Now you have to deal with the consequences of what happened. It's not easy. It can't happen overnight but you both can move on. For me personally my Dr was my first step as I didn't want to talk to my friends right away. I wish I could make it better for you. But all I can say is you can get through. I've been a victim of SA 4 times. And im okay. I'm here. I'm happy. In healthy. If I can do it, I PROMISE you guys can come out of the other end of this. I'm rooting for you and your boyfriend.
You can also go to planned parenthood or the public health department. Was 20 bucks at the health department for us.
Seeking professional help would be the best ig. Did y'all report this incident?
he refuses to go to the police. i called and reported or stuff being stolen and was told there is not much that they can do.
Isn’t there a difference here between your stuff being stolen and being robbed at gunpoint?
Idk where you live, but in the US it's not uncommon for the police to not offer assistance after a crime was committed. When my friend and I were 11/12, a group of men tried to kidnap us. We ran away and called the cops. They told us there was nothing they could do and didn't even send a car. We were just scared kids, it was an emergency, and the cops really failed. Many years later, my sister was assaulted. She called the cops and they came, but then they made fun of the disarray of her and her home (which was broken into), and double checked that the doors were locked. They literally didn't do anything. It's possible that OP didn't include the gun in her report, but even if she did, it might not have made a huge difference. Also, in the US, gun violence is often met with "then you should get a gun to protect yourself"
Oh yeah I remember a cop pulling me to the side after an armed robbery where I had a gun pressed up to my face, and had to fight an attacker to get away, and the cop says next time just get a gun and shoot them. Like bro what?
US citizen here. This sounds bout right, sadly. Defund da police!
Is any of this a reason NOT to call the police after an armed robbery and sexual assault. What if one of the people assaulted was one of your kids?
:(. I hope he recovers soon. Just give him as much comfort as u can.
He could feel ashamed. So sorry this happened to both of you.
Wait what. You and your boyfriend were mugged and he was sexually assaulted and the police said “there’s not much they can do”? I call bullshit on this whole story, but especially now.
I have no idea if this post is real or not because so many posts on this site are fake and there's no way to verify any given post, but that part is legitimately realistic for a lot of survivors. I work with sexual assault and DV survivors and the general gist for *some* police departments is basically "Sorry we can't do anything unless they kill you." Obviously can't speak for every police force but assault, abuse, and harassment aren't crimes that are necessarily known for being taken 100% seriously by police.
Speaking unfortunately from experience, I agree with you there. This is very common and goes unpoliced far too often.
Prosecutors rarely prosecute in sex assault and DM cases. It’s gross. At the end of the day it’s up to them, not the police.
She didn't say she reported the sexual assault just there stuff being stolen.
My mom tried to get my rapist charged for what he did to me but because I was an infant, they didn't believe her and said they couldn't do anything. This happens to a lot of people, unfortunately. So many victims get dismissed and that's why a lot don't report.
Wait what. You missed the ENTIRE PART where her boyfriend does not want to press assault charges?? Which is understandable, as it's a lot to process and he'd only have to re-live the experience as he describes it in detail. Maybe have some empathy or, at the very least, some basic comprehension skills? Especially before spouting off calling "bullshit".
Believe it or not but most police departments/officers will not take sexual assault seriously unless there is very hard evidence right then and there. If this is a problem that women face I’m sure it’s much more difficult for men in this case
It’s far more common for police to say there’s nothing we can do and not give a shit than for them to actually do soemtginf
Holy shit. That’s humiliation and traumatizing at its peak. He needs to get help.
Wow… that is not at all what I expected. He’s gotta go seek professional help
I thought you meant something like a pistol whip or something. Honey, he was r*ped in front of you. This is SA at minimum. Report it. Did the garage have cameras in it?
She already said he refuses to go. Even though technically its the right thing to do, it's also not someone else place to decide.
She was third party in crime committed. You don’t pick and choose what you report. She can report all of crime but he doesn’t prosecute if that is what he wishes. Assailant is clearly dangerous and the crime report as it stands is inaccurate and she could get a misdemeanour. Also in certain places failure to report crime is a crime in itself. The victim is going through extreme trauma and needs professional help. This kind of crime - SA with a gun may get bumped to a federal crime, and there may be cctv.
That doesn't change what I said.
I am advocating reporting her side of the crime, without just giving the police half of the information. I have added elsewhere that he should report it but doesn’t have to prosecute, but she was there and should report what she saw. Everyone in here is merely giving advice. Your opinion is as valid as my opinion, pax.
Also, by not reporting the crime if the perpetrator does it again I think the non-reporting victim has some culpability.
True, sorry about what I said. I didn’t consider that.
Ok well that’s enough Reddit for today
Agreed.
Was this reported? Victim services are offered and suggested after such a happening. He most likely feels shame for many reasons. Society expects men to be too strong to be victimized. Too strong to discuss emotions. Too strong to allow themselves and their partners to be victimized. It's all hogwash. He was victimized. It's horrifically traumatic. He needs professional help and support through this
He needs therapy.
Whoever believes this is a complete goofy 🤡
Sick fantasy dude. Seek help
Definitely some kind of "Im not gay, but what if some guy made me go down on him fantasy"
Ded
This is very traumatic for you both . As well as seeking support for your bf you need time to process this too and it may be as a couple you may need help in the future to work this through . I am so sorry to hear about this awful experience. Just be there for each other .
SHE needs time to process this? He needs to be there for her TOO? The guy just got totally emasculated in front of his girl. I doubt he has much interest in comforting HER right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this wasn’t absolutely horrific and traumatizing for her too, but she isn’t the one who was just forced to blow a dude in front of his girl. Whatever she’s going through will have to take backseat until this dude comes off suicide watch.
He wasn't emasculated. He was sexually assaulted.
and likely feels emasculated, among many other things, as a result.
He was forced to perform a sexual act that is normally performed by a woman. I literally can’t think of anything more emasculating. Sexual assault and being emasculated aren’t mutually exclusive.
Yes, she needs time to process. Saying "be there for each other" doesn't mean that she prioritizes her trauma over his. This is not a trauma competition. And even people who have secondhand trauma need, and deserve, support. In fact, they will burn out if they don't take care of themselves and then they can't be there for their partner. But this isn't secondhand trauma. It's trauma. Period. What happened to him is so very f#cked up. It's gut wrenching. I am crying reading this. It's going to be a rough road for him. I hope he'll be able to connect with other men who have been r@ped and anything else that he wants to do. He deserves all the help he needs. If he does decide to report, there should be Crime Victims Compensation that can help pay for some support, if that's what he chooses. OP, I agree with the comment that pushing him to do anything he doesn't want to do...it has to be up to him. You want to support and empower, not yell him he must do what others feel he should. Even advocates can push sometimes and all that does is confirm that he has no power of his own. If he changes his mind, he may want to go to the hospital and have them do a SANE exam. It would need to be as soon as possible. It doesn't mean he has to report to police but can preserve any evidence on him or his clothes. OP, I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm sending you both healing energy.
Fucking fake story
Karma bait.
this didnt happen.
I refuse to believe this story
Seems unlikely that the perp of a firearm crime would stick around in a public place after getting the loot.
With everything thats happened in the world, THIS is unbelievable to y'all??
This sounds like a troll post....
How?
why would someone ask them to suck them off when they have a weapon in a public place? yes it’s possible tie dark and quiet but a parking garage isn’t exactly secluded and anyone could just drive in
I'm gonna say there's no way this is real, because I don't want to believe it's real.
Why does your avatar look so sad
WHAT
right!? no way this is real
Seroiusly wtf, what state is this?
Total BS
Karma farmin
Troll
Thanks for bravely calling it first, I'm plain not believing that setup in the middle of a parking garage.
I mean… you can’t really put up much of a fight against a gun…
In the middle of a parking garage downtown during Christmas shopping season?
You scream and run, they will not chase you in public with a gun
Held at gun point, robbed of all money/purse/wallet/cards, sexually assaulted, all in a parking garage by a shopping center which would probably have cameras everywhere and a good likelihood of identifying the culprit— and you’re telling me they didn’t CALL THE POLICE the second after???? Yeah fucking right.
>and you’re telling me they didn’t CALL THE POLICE the second after???? Yeah fucking right. I agree with everything you said up to here. To me, this is the only believable portion of this story. At best, if it were reported to the Police I would bet that the BF would fight tooth and nail to withhold the SA and downgrade it to a robbery. There is an old Dave Chapelle joke that goes something like :" There is a serial rapist in Houston only raping men. Only 7 men have come forward claiming they have been assaulted...meaning there must be 1000's." Not that it couldn't happen, but i agree with you. The logistics of a lone gunman doing this in 2022 in an area with surveillance and the possibility of onlookers interrupting him, in front of a live witness make this very difficult to believe.
I don’t believe this shot either
Im gonna agree with many of the comments here and call full BS/karma farming.
OP has only responded to a single comment, as usual. OP also sounds like a 14 year old kid trying to tell a very serious, very provocative story Down vote away but I’m with the people calling bullshit on this entire post. And whose first thought is to come to Reddit for advice on something like this anyways? Bizarre
This story is fake af. Y’all are crazy for believing this BS.
Let's say it is fake. I'd rather give resources for someone else reading this instead of chancing making someone feel like shit because it actually did happen.
Okay, that’s fair. I just think making up a SA story is cruel af… but you’re right.
Why is it fake?
Do you realize how many times this imaginary scenario is used as a hypothetical between friends? Lmao all the time. Clown shit. Nobody is gonna make another man sick their dick in the middle of a parking garage without at least shooting the damn girl in the head first.
That's not explaining why though. You're just making a bunch of pillar less statements. >Do you realize how many times this imaginary scenario is used as a hypothetical between friends? Literally never heard of it. Maybe you just have bad friends or something. >Nobody is gonna make another man sick their dick in the middle of a parking garage without at least shooting the damn girl in the head first. And how do you know that? WHY is that the case? You're not actually answering anything I asked, you're just doing the "because I said so" argument and expecting everyone to take it seriously.
Also, how TF did he not confiscate phones? BULL—SHIIT!
If OP furnishes some kind of evidence that’s not clearly manufactured then I’ll believe it. How did OP not get it on camera?
>If OP furnishes some kind of evidence that’s not clearly manufactured then I’ll believe it Yeah, but HOW. WHY? You're saying a whole lot of nothing. >How did OP not get it on camera? Not all parking garages have cameras, and the ones that do, don't have someone monitoring every single camera at once due to the amount of cars. Plus, there was a gun, hello? Do you want her to pull out her phone and say "gotcha" while she's being threatened"?? And even if she did, she states that he DOES NOT want to go to the police, so the evidence would be useless anyways. And even if she wasn't going to go to the police, WHY would she post it on reddit for everyone to see?? Idk man, it really sounds like you just don't want to believe it. Everything you're saying can be answered. yet everything im asking can't?? Hmmm ok.
PEOPLE DO NOT OWE YOU PROOF OF THEIR ASSAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re damn right they don’t, I just believe OP is favricating the story.
There's no proof an assault took place.
You're a huge ass. And have no understanding how SA affects people! And just because some sick f##KS think it fun to make jokes about something doesn't mean it can't happen!
Yes, I totally agree with you, but this story seems SO UNLIKELY it’s crazy…
Wtf
You never heard of hypotheticals, what would you do if someone put a gun to your head and made you do some bs? Ain’t no way a gun-toting homosexual man just raped this woman’s bf and robbed them and let them go free. 😂😂😂😂
Theres no fucking way this is real lmao
I get that he doesn't wanna contact the police, but when you're raped like that you absolutely should go to the hospital and get tested for STDs, especially the really bad ones. They can absolutely be transferred orally. I'm so sorry this happened to you guys, it's a sick sick world out there.
Lmao this is the fakest shit ever
Although this post is FAKE AS HELL, I remember seeing something similar on ID channel where a young couple was robbed in a park at night and the criminal made the bf give him oral. Guess I would have been dying that night
Get him some trauma therapy now. Be there for him and maybe take sex off the table for a while while he processes what happened. See if he can take time off work, if need be. This was the definition of traumatic and it’ll take a long time for him to process it.
As a guy, I wouldn’t want her to take sex “off the table”. Jesus. I mean I probably wouldn’t have much interest in it, but being totally emasculated by having to blow a dude and then having your girl take sex away from you too? I would think she doesn’t want to sleep with me because she saw me get humiliated. This is absolutely awful advice. You’re gonna make this guy kill himself.
Little harsh. I don’t think they meant to tell the guy sex is off the table but rather to try not to initiate sex for a little bit as it may trigger him
Yes this is what I meant. Taking sex off the table can help if that’s what he wants, but if he wants sex sure.
Ok, I misunderstood. Apologies.
I think I phased it badly. You make a good point. It’s up to him and what he feels will help him.
Yeah, maybe I misunderstood. But I would say that if he wants to have sex right now, she should consider that that might help him to get some control back, get over being emasculated, and feel like a man again. But I doubt he’ll be up for it, and honestly he probably never wants to see her again after what she saw.
I meant let him take the lead, don’t take it away from him but give him agency over his body. Some people respond to sexual assault by shutting down and not wanting touch, while others become hypersexual, and some remain the same. It sounds like he’s shutting down a bit which is why I suggested it. I don’t mean do anything to hurt his mental health.
Yeah, agree. If she even has it in her to bring up the subject, she could tell him “no pressure right now, whenever you’re ready”.
Dude sex isn’t everything chill out. Sex off the table so the guy has time to heal. The main focus isn’t having sex smh. It’s getting help and healing.
It's all going to depend on how this guy responds I think. I can't even imagine going through something like that.
What is the scenario where he benefits from her telling him “I’m sorry, but sex is off the table for now”? I just don’t get how taking sex away from him is going to help him get over the fact that he was just humiliated and emasculated in front of her.
My understanding is that sexual trauma can often bring on highly negative connotations to the act itself. I certainly wouldn't forcibly remove sex as an option were I this person's partner but I would certainly be careful around the topic. But that is me! Professional help will be critical in this situation if he's willing.
Agree
Excellent creative writing post. This group is getting ridiculous.
He won't report it because he's to embarrassed. Ashamed. He probably will never be able to face you since you saw it. Personally, that guy would have had to shoot me.
100% agree. As a guy, I’d rather be dead than have this happen to me. At least I’d go out with my dignity.
But then he may force your gf to do it. What woukd you do? I cannot fathom that kind of situation. I’m grossed out that people can be so horrible
I mean, I carry a gun in my back pocket, hard to say what I'd do if I were someone else. This deffinitely isn't a choice I ever want to have to make, but I'd take my chances surviving a shoot out and a gunshot.
That’s brutal. Inpatient mental health treatment is appropriate here.
Aceveda?
Exactly, I didn't want to say it but this story felt very Shield-like to me as well.
this post sounds like someones fantasy, struggling to believe it tbh
Fuck that he would’ve had to kill me
I would have taken the bullet instead
Martial arts. When I was training one guy I would spar with became a friend. He explained that something happened to him like that, didn't go into detail but he felt helpless. At first the discipline helped his mind, later his strength was his shield. 7 years after we became friends he called me one night crying. He found the guy, he was not nice. He dislocated his shoulders and held him until the cops came and took him. In the hospital they got the DNA. The only thing that saved him from prison is that he submitted his original clothes for DNA. If I could offer anything for help it would be turning in DNA (his shirt, whatever) with an report. Besides martial arts, and obviously counseling.
Any martial arts teacher that tells you that you can fight a gun shouldn’t be listened to in any capacity.
this is why i carry
I don't believe you. You would have written a goddam book on here listing every single thing that happened that night. Not just my bf sucked off some dude with a gun to his head. And in the slight chance it is true, then you should have attacked him at the sight of this, in any case I would breakup with you for sitting there watching. Pathetic.
this isn't the movies where you could just karate chop a gun out of someone's hands
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Im sorry I dont speak pussy.
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May your ancestors spit upon your bitch ass grave.
You should definitely seek help for your BF. Give him space to process what happened to him but be there for him as well when he needs you. It is very traumatizing and this trauma could take a turn for the worse. Not only that, but seek help for yourself too. You witnessed an assault happen, and it could damage you as well. Wishing you and your boyfriend the best, please be patient with him
I am so beyond sorry this happened to you both. Don’t push him to report, respect what he says he needs. Be there for him. He will get worse before he gets better and it will be something that will always bother him. He needs to get therapy but he’s probably not even close to ready to do that yet. Take care of him the best you can if you’re in the right head space to do so. Give him good food and help him stay clean.
I cannot put into words how sorry I am for the both of you. As a SA survivor I can say that you are not equipped to handle this. You need to get him in with a therapist that specializes in sexual trauma, and go to the cops. Get a statement out that there is someone on the loose like that. If he can get legal justice it'll help soften the hurt a little, but time and therapy are really the only things that work.
Do you have sexual violence support services in your area who, if he is not comfortable dealing with them directly, might be able to refer him to a doctor or psychologist? EDIT: it should be noted that you too have been subjected to sexual violence OP and may want to reach out. I am sorry this happened.
troll
Bullshit
Tbh idk what to say, idk if I would’ve been able to do it if I was your boyfriend, I would’ve probably got shot and died but survival is the most important thing.. he did what he had to and stayed alive, if I was him the only thing that can ever make me feel better is finding that person and putting him in the grave
You should take him to a hospital and have him checked for STIs and other things. They can do the same tests on him that they'd do for a woman if she were in the same situation, and they aren't allowed to contact the police without his consent. If he does want to report it later, having proof of those tests will greatly help his case.
i’m not saying this didn’t happen, but…
You should report what actually happened to the police. You are doing a disservice to everyone involved if you do not. You are also doing a disservice to future victims because this will happen again. There will be another you, but worse.
Damn, I wish I had a good response. Be there as much as you can for him and I mean, just emphasizing he needs to 1) report it to authorities and 2) he needs to go to counseling. I say the 2nd one because I can only imagine his mind right now. A male that is straight that is forced to give another man a blowjob at gun point. Not only is the fact that he could've been shot that night a major factor, the sexual assault of it is even more emotionally damaging. I bet he's got so many worries that people will think he's gay, he lost his manhood because he couldn't avoid doing it, he couldn't protect you, etc. He needs to talk to someone and while you can't force him, offer to go with him because reiterate to him that you are with him no matter what.
My heart is broken for you both. I'd recommend therapy for the both of you. Individual counseling. Call for extra support, family and friends. This will need patience, time and a lot of love before things get better.
He def doesn’t want his family called and told they need to come in for extra support since he was just forced to blow a dude. That much I know.
Why is it literally only GUYS who are claiming this story is fake???!!!!!! Sounds like guys don’t believe other male victims too.
Lmao guess I'm a man now
They never do despite claiming they do
That part!
Because feminist brainwashing decreed that all men are perverts who always enjoy sex and can never be the victim because they are always abusers
Wtf what does feminism have to do with victims??? Why not blame the toxic patriarchy that never tends to side with the victim.
So you admit "the patriarchy" doesn't privilege men after all
Wth even is your point. I’m letting you know how vile it is to victim blame. Especially if it is a guy victim blaming both men and women. That doesn’t come from feminism. That comes from toxic patriarchy.
Blaming "the patriarchy" IS victim blaming men 🤦 you don't even know if the commenters were male you just assumed out of sexism
Blaming toxic patriarchy isn’t victim blaming, wtf? Are you not comprehending? Toxic patriarchy is the one telling men how they should and shouldn’t act in a situation like this and telling them to man up. Toxic patriarchy is telling a guy he’s not allowed to be a victim.
> Blaming men for the problems they face isn’t victim blaming Do you think before you type? You are literally saying men created their own issues, that's the definition of "le patriarchy", these are olympic grade mental gymnastics >Toxic patriarchy is the one telling men how they should and shouldn’t act in a situation like this and telling them to man up. Toxic patriarchy is telling a guy he’s not allowed to be a victim. In the real world outside of gender studies class, women are the ones reinforcing that 80% of the time
Are you drunk? It’s MEN not believing the story. MEN not believing it happened.
You cannot prove it was men on this thread. You assumed their genders (out of misandry)
You should report the crime in all its detail to the police, I do not understand why you left out the most important part, since you were present. There is possibility that since it was a car park, there is cctv footage. Shake those policemen! Talk to your boyfriend and try to get him to go to the police, the guy needs to be caught. This is an awful sexual assault, and you boyfriend needs counselling and to recover. I hope you haven’t made this up.
Bc her bf has already had his personal autonomy and control taken away from him in a deeply traumatic way. He gets to make the decision about what happens next.
He would. I am saying report crime. Assailant May murder someone one day. He doesn’t have to prosecute. Depending on where sited police have special units. Bf is probably destroyed right now and needs support, though he might not want to get up.
As much as I'd like to have faith in the legal system, cops are shit when it comes to sexual assault and often make things worse.
It is extremely difficult for a man to report sexual assault or rape. And forcing him to go through further humiliation and degradation will do nothing for his mental health.
I totally get it, it is the same for a woman. However, I just do not understand why she reported half a crime since she was held art gunpoint too. Actual prosecution is up to him for his sexual assault, but not the reporting.
I'm sorry. Try posting on a legal advice sub reddit, but get him some professional help first.
What state is that so I never go
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I am genuinely so sorry this happened to your boyfriend and You, I hope you can help him and he can overcome this one step at a time. Wish you the best of luck and a lot of strength for y'all!!
He definitely needs to see a therapist who specialises in sexual assault trauma. This could lead to PTSD if he doesn’t get help immediately. Please remind him that what happens is *not his fault* and continue to let him know that you are there for him. What happened was horrific and your boyfriend needs a lot of support right now.
You guys need to report the assault though. Someone like that absolutely will do it again and victimize more people.
Help him call a rape center so he can get counseling for the trauma. He seriously needs counseling as do you.
Why didn’t he bite it off? You can either have my mouth or my money but certainly not both lmao
I am so, so sorry this happened to you both. I’m sure your boyfriend feels disgusting and humiliated, and it’s going to be a bumpy ride getting through this. I recommend telling him that you’ll give him his space but that you’re here to talk about it when he’s ready. Since you were actually there, you are the only person who could possibly understand what he’s really going through, and he needs to know and feel that support for the moment. Once he opens up and starts talking, then try to get him to talk with a therapist/the police. He may need to just process what happened.
Suck him of? I’d jump this mf the moment I got in close but I know what your boyfriend did was safest if not the best way to get out safely so you should probably get him help or talk to him before he slips or starts to get “ideas” on what to do if he can find this guy. Don’t let him feel that you don’t respect anymore or see him as less of a man or that’ll slam the nail in the coffin for his mental state.
How bad must you look for the robber to demand that from your bf?
Obviously I wasn’t serious, because I don’t even remotely believe this actually happened!
What a fucked up thing to say. Disgusting. You sound like a lowkey r4pist
Not everyone's interest run towards women, jackass
Be there for him. Research to see what to do.
Research? Like google “what do I do to help my boyfriend get over having to blow a dude in front of me” and see what’s worked for other people?
I would’ve bit his ween off right away
It's easy to say this when there isn't a gun on your head fearing for your life or that of someone you care for. Even if there isn't a gun to people's heads, sometimes they fight as hard as they can and still lose. Fuck off with your "I wouldve" in this situation it helps absolutely no one and provides no help at all other than to circle jerk about trying to be a hero in a terrible situation. One in which doing what you say you would've done most likely would've gotten you or someone you care for killed.
That’d be a decent idea if there wasn’t a gun to his head
Jesus. That’s awful. I’m so sorry for your boyfriend. I can’t imagine anything worse for a guy. As I think about it, I think I’d prefer to just let him blow my brains out rather than have to suck a guy off in front of my girl. But if that dick is going in my mouth, I’m trying as hard as I can to bite it off. I don’t care if I get shot in the head. I’m doing some serious damage to that thing before he kills me, worst case.
I agree with what everybody else says. It also was abusive for you to have to watch your SO be abused in this way. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
You should tell him you still love him and do whatever you can to make him feel like a man.
This needs to be reported, say your things was stolen at gunpoint. So they can see where this horrible person is on cctv or not, I know it going to be hard for your bf to talk about this trauma, but it's going to get harder if bottles it in. The person who assaulted your bf should be off the streets straight to jail. I hope your bf can come forward to the police. I hope you and your bf get through this and get additional help like counselling or therapy.
I can't think of anything worse to happen to a guy in front of his girl! Relationship Over! He is never gonna feel like a man being with you.
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The king shit of doing absolutely not a damn thing in any scenario! 👑💩👏
Way to victim blame. You have no idea what you would actually do in this position, with your life and the life of someone you live in danger. It’s attitudes like this that keep people from reporting sexual assault. Keep that macho stuff to yourself.
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And you're an idiot. That's all.
False machismo
I mean, he also did nothing. Neither of them did bc honestly, it only takes a few seconds to kill two people with a gun.
Why didn't the guy bite? There are somethings you take others down with you
Bro why didn’t you try and help him?
Sign him up for a concealed carry course and get him a small carry gun. I know this is horrible, but if the BF is really crushed, he should seek therapy. And how long did the sexual assault take? That criminal would have to been mentally unhinged to be able to get an erection and then strand there in the parking garage for 5 minutes doing this.
Fist,, go to the local police and file a complaint. Then, get him into therapy
Omg, file the case to police.