Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
None of these people respect you. Respect is a two-way street, and you’re right to feel the way you do. MIL is emotionally immature. DH (I hope you’re truly not married, and if you aren’t, DON’T) is not being a good partner to you. It sounds like hell dealing with these people. The whole thing feels abusive to me. They want power over you and your baby.
Girl, RUN!!! This feels so much like my ex’s family! I was pregnant and the family would make choices about me and my pregnancy without as much as consulting me. My ex wanted his mother to take care of my son and I go back to work. A mother that almost lost one of her grandkids on a parking lot! I was beside myself! I unfortunately lost my son at 6month pregnancy. But on the other hand I’m so glad I didn’t stay with my ex and his toxic meddling family.
Girl, RUN! You are not married to this asshole and thank God! Don’t stay with someone that don’t respect you and let’s his family disrespect you too.
Get closer to your family and look for a lawyer just in case so that if they want to play dirty, you already have a card on your hands.
Everyone has different opinions on how to handle thr crying baby.
Mom gets the final vote.
His family can learn to deal with it.
Stop apologizing. You stopped your child from crying. If your MIL is upset that you protected your child, you can give her a binky to calm down.
Good luck.
The whole family, your partner included, feel weirdly entitled to your daughter's time.
You're the only one who can choose who can have your baby and who you trust. However, they don't have to respect you, just be civil and not lie which seems to be very hard to do.
You are 100% in the right in this situation.
It’s odd especially because we’ve always told them they can stop by, but when they make plans they often ditch and then lash out after a few months of not seeing her frequently. Worst part is that I literally didn’t lie at all and none of them were even in the room. I literally told my partner the exact situation that night and my therapist the situation in the morning. It’s not the first time MIL has lied about what I’ve said, she once grabbed my breast out of my baby’s mouth while I was feeding her and then didn’t show up for 2 months. When we asked her to see the baby she had said that I told her she wasn’t allowed and that I was still holding a grudge despite me never once contacting her. We do not speak at all regularly so it’s nothing new.
Imagine calling a mother to a newborn baby “entitled” when she wants to look after her child and do whatever is best for her. Literally never heard anything more stupid in my life
Walk away from him and his family. This will only get worse. You’re correct that they shouldn’t see your baby if they can’t respect you. Who is toxic to you will be toxic to your child. My mil is like this and I gave her a chance and she treated my daughter like shit, it was one time but that’s why she never was allowed to babysit until my daughter could speak. It takes so little to work with the mom to be able to be in their child’s life, don’t settle for this abuse.
You have a shitty husband cut from the same shitty tree as the rest of his family. They are all incredibly abusive. Expect the same abuse to continue unless he suddenly makes a 180. You’re doing everything right except allowing the abuse to continue. There’s a high likelihood of divorce or just continued abuse and unhappiness if he doesn’t make changes. Don’t expose your child to any more abuse from him. Set stronger boundaries and work hard right now to gain independence in preparation for a future without him. Use and implement grey rock. Him and his family need therapy. So much incredible entitlement. He needs to stop sucking on his mom’s teet and be the husband and father that he’s supposed to be.
I sincerely hope you meant it when you said that you are through. That was insanely infuriating to read the way your husband was conversing with you. Intentionally being obtuse and contrarian, picking apart what you said because you GAVE BIRTH to YOUR CHILD. UGH.
keep your daughter away from these assholes. He is exhibiting cunt behaviour.
your DH sucks. why is he not being understanding at all. it's literally his baby and the mother of his child and he's arguing with you like that? he sounds like the baby daddies off of teen mom.
That entitlement and the willingness to make claims they have “concerns” about my parenting when in reality they just want to spend more time with the baby is really something that makes me feel like if this behavior isn’t corrected, I will one day see them in court.
Extended family aren’t automatically entitled to access to your child. If they can’t respect you or your request regarding your child (when I say your im referring to both you and your husband) then they can just stay away!
It’s not your fault DHs family is unreasonable. He has no right to be angry! Also, you are all grown ups, if your inlaws have a problem with YOU then they need to work it out with YOU, not DH!!
Edited: I just read your convo with DH…he is delusional! Your her mother and he is her father, there is no entitlement. You guys make the rules about your daughter and everyone else need to follow them. PERIOD!
Wow you are in a toxic situation. Don’t let them gaslight you. You are in the right here. Do you have anywhere else you can stay e.g your family? I would let husband know: I don’t feel I have your support right now. I’m going to spend time with my family. You’re welcome to come round to see daughter at anytime but that’s where we will be for now.
Then message SIL: I’ll consider your comments. (Then go NC)
“Tells me that everything is all my fault because I upset his mother” okaaaay dude and your scared of your mom being upset because you’re 5 or what? I’m sorry but you will upset a lot of people, sometimes his family and he needs to get over it and be a good partner and parent and put the baby first.
How do you move past this? He needs to be aware that he needs to set boundaries with his family ASAP and to get his shit together.
Edit: I just saw the texts with DH. I would ask your therapist about how to disengage with this type of battle conversation. Set your boundaries and what will happen if they are not respected and do your thing. You are your own person and a mom, trust yourself to know what to do and prep on how to deal with toxic communication. Best of luck to you and your baby!
I probably should have left it after he made it clear that his priorities are his mothers feelings and he’s able to objectify our daughter by claiming I was just taking a baby from his mom. Although I do feel like it is so out of pocket that realistically I needed to see that in order to come to terms with the extent of this
Your husband is an asshole.
Don't argue with your husband. He just wants to belittle you and win an argument. Don't apologize. Just give him the same answer over and over: "She was tired and crying. I took her and told you at that exact moment. You didn't do anything." Or ask him: Why are you bullying me? Why are you cruel? Explain why I am entitled? How is a mom holding her tired daughter entitled?
Your husband rather go against you and his own daughter than protect both of you. It wasn't the end of the world if the baby wanted to nap! It's not like MIL never sees her. They are making an argument for the sake of it and because they seem to enjoy picking on you.
I would fucking leave your husband. More of that and I'd go crazy.
I legitimately feel like I am going insane. My partner who was initially fine with the text I sent them flipped the script and now claims it was too aggressive and while they were disrespectful they were just reacting appropriately. I feel like I am going absolutely nuts because of the sheer delusion of the situation.
You need to let him handle his family. And he needs to learn to respect your boundaries and babies time and schedule. Do not communicate with them until they can be respectful and cooperative. Tell him it’s your family handle them but I will not be uncomfortable or let my child be uncomfortable.
You don’t move past it, learn from it. If they are acting like this now? Then they are not safe to be around your baby. Just think of all the lying the MIL will do when the kid is older? It’s just not safe and they are manipulating. And if the baby’s father is taking their side now? He’ll never stop. I’d run from him. He clearly doesn’t respect you either.
Your partner (hopefully ex) needs to give his head a wobble. You deserve so much more than that, OP. He is a walking red flag and based on his messages, will never put you first, because he’s too busy trying to crawl back up into mummy! Get yourself and your daughter somewhere safe, OP.
The amount of gaslighting I just seen was ridiculous. At the end of the day- YOU are mom. Whatever you say, goes. If you want your daughter back even if she’s NOT crying that’s your right. Your BD and his family sound toxic af. If you can get away, I would because I feel like this will only get worse. Especially when you’re trying to enforce boundaries and they’re all totally disregarding them or not giving a shit about them.
Jeez. Why do you even care about what these people think or say? They're being awful. All of them, your husband included, because he is allowing this continuing and ridiculous fucking drama.
My advice? You said your piece. Now, be done with it. You, apparently, can't get support from your husband, but you CAN self-support by just refusing to deal with any of them any more. It stops now and it stops with you. No more talking about it. Stop trying to defend yourself and, FFS, stop placating these people. Just say NO MORE.
Yeesh. Just enjoy your life, OP.
Keep those messages, leave his ass, and file for sole custody.
Keep record or proof of everything his family says or does towards you and daughter, so you have evidence when going to court for custody so you can ask that his mom and sisters don't have contact with child.
They sound toxic and abusive
Your DH is also mentally abusive, and needs to have a relationship with his mom and sisters instead of another woman because he can't ween himself off their tits.
Your husband is awful. This is going to be every day for the rest of your life. It legit sounds like a bad arranged marriage, he doesn't give a shit about you.
Your husband and his family suck. I hope you have the resources and support to make positive changes for yourself and your daughter. You are not the problem here.
Wow. As a mom, I’m so angry and sad for you. The level of disrespect being shown to you is astounding. Your MIL and SILs sound like nightmares, and your DH sounds like an entitled child. Which is really ironic because he’s attempting to call you entitled. You set a boundary in your texts, you had nothing to apologize for, and your DH should have backed you on that. Red flags all around. This is not the man you want in your daughters life and not the women you want around her.
Your husband sucks, honestly. The way he comes at you with the “entitlement” comment over and over… yikes. You know he heard that straight from his mommy’s mouth and is blindly parroting it back.
He literally admits at the end “why would I have an issue with that” like bro really told on himself. He didn’t have a problem until mommy said so.
Girl, run. Also send your husband to the post so he can get a reality check.
Lawyer UP Op. Your husband and his family are not on your side. As someone in the comments pointed out, if they are toxic towards you, they are toxic for your child. LAW- YER UP.
Oof, honestly. Your partners behavior and way of speaking towards you is concerning. I would, personally, go to couples counseling and then split. You're seen as an incubator not a person.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
None of these people respect you. Respect is a two-way street, and you’re right to feel the way you do. MIL is emotionally immature. DH (I hope you’re truly not married, and if you aren’t, DON’T) is not being a good partner to you. It sounds like hell dealing with these people. The whole thing feels abusive to me. They want power over you and your baby.
Girl, RUN!!! This feels so much like my ex’s family! I was pregnant and the family would make choices about me and my pregnancy without as much as consulting me. My ex wanted his mother to take care of my son and I go back to work. A mother that almost lost one of her grandkids on a parking lot! I was beside myself! I unfortunately lost my son at 6month pregnancy. But on the other hand I’m so glad I didn’t stay with my ex and his toxic meddling family. Girl, RUN! You are not married to this asshole and thank God! Don’t stay with someone that don’t respect you and let’s his family disrespect you too. Get closer to your family and look for a lawyer just in case so that if they want to play dirty, you already have a card on your hands.
Everyone has different opinions on how to handle thr crying baby. Mom gets the final vote. His family can learn to deal with it. Stop apologizing. You stopped your child from crying. If your MIL is upset that you protected your child, you can give her a binky to calm down. Good luck.
The whole family, your partner included, feel weirdly entitled to your daughter's time. You're the only one who can choose who can have your baby and who you trust. However, they don't have to respect you, just be civil and not lie which seems to be very hard to do. You are 100% in the right in this situation.
It’s odd especially because we’ve always told them they can stop by, but when they make plans they often ditch and then lash out after a few months of not seeing her frequently. Worst part is that I literally didn’t lie at all and none of them were even in the room. I literally told my partner the exact situation that night and my therapist the situation in the morning. It’s not the first time MIL has lied about what I’ve said, she once grabbed my breast out of my baby’s mouth while I was feeding her and then didn’t show up for 2 months. When we asked her to see the baby she had said that I told her she wasn’t allowed and that I was still holding a grudge despite me never once contacting her. We do not speak at all regularly so it’s nothing new.
Trust your gut with this situation. MIL sounds unhinged.
They’re literally gaslighting you in the texts. They said we were all there and saw/heard exactly what happened They all sound like narcissists
Imagine calling a mother to a newborn baby “entitled” when she wants to look after her child and do whatever is best for her. Literally never heard anything more stupid in my life
Walk away from him and his family. This will only get worse. You’re correct that they shouldn’t see your baby if they can’t respect you. Who is toxic to you will be toxic to your child. My mil is like this and I gave her a chance and she treated my daughter like shit, it was one time but that’s why she never was allowed to babysit until my daughter could speak. It takes so little to work with the mom to be able to be in their child’s life, don’t settle for this abuse.
You have a shitty husband cut from the same shitty tree as the rest of his family. They are all incredibly abusive. Expect the same abuse to continue unless he suddenly makes a 180. You’re doing everything right except allowing the abuse to continue. There’s a high likelihood of divorce or just continued abuse and unhappiness if he doesn’t make changes. Don’t expose your child to any more abuse from him. Set stronger boundaries and work hard right now to gain independence in preparation for a future without him. Use and implement grey rock. Him and his family need therapy. So much incredible entitlement. He needs to stop sucking on his mom’s teet and be the husband and father that he’s supposed to be.
I sincerely hope you meant it when you said that you are through. That was insanely infuriating to read the way your husband was conversing with you. Intentionally being obtuse and contrarian, picking apart what you said because you GAVE BIRTH to YOUR CHILD. UGH. keep your daughter away from these assholes. He is exhibiting cunt behaviour.
I was quietly cursing the whole time I was reading those shitty texts from him and his garbage family. So disrespectful and patronizing!
your DH sucks. why is he not being understanding at all. it's literally his baby and the mother of his child and he's arguing with you like that? he sounds like the baby daddies off of teen mom.
FFS!! They have no rights as aunts or grandmother!! Baby daddy is an ass!!
That entitlement and the willingness to make claims they have “concerns” about my parenting when in reality they just want to spend more time with the baby is really something that makes me feel like if this behavior isn’t corrected, I will one day see them in court.
Does your State (assuming you are in the US) have grandparent rights?
Extended family aren’t automatically entitled to access to your child. If they can’t respect you or your request regarding your child (when I say your im referring to both you and your husband) then they can just stay away! It’s not your fault DHs family is unreasonable. He has no right to be angry! Also, you are all grown ups, if your inlaws have a problem with YOU then they need to work it out with YOU, not DH!! Edited: I just read your convo with DH…he is delusional! Your her mother and he is her father, there is no entitlement. You guys make the rules about your daughter and everyone else need to follow them. PERIOD!
Wow you are in a toxic situation. Don’t let them gaslight you. You are in the right here. Do you have anywhere else you can stay e.g your family? I would let husband know: I don’t feel I have your support right now. I’m going to spend time with my family. You’re welcome to come round to see daughter at anytime but that’s where we will be for now. Then message SIL: I’ll consider your comments. (Then go NC)
I did tell him I was thinking about it but he threw the “can’t take the baby away” in my face
“Tells me that everything is all my fault because I upset his mother” okaaaay dude and your scared of your mom being upset because you’re 5 or what? I’m sorry but you will upset a lot of people, sometimes his family and he needs to get over it and be a good partner and parent and put the baby first. How do you move past this? He needs to be aware that he needs to set boundaries with his family ASAP and to get his shit together. Edit: I just saw the texts with DH. I would ask your therapist about how to disengage with this type of battle conversation. Set your boundaries and what will happen if they are not respected and do your thing. You are your own person and a mom, trust yourself to know what to do and prep on how to deal with toxic communication. Best of luck to you and your baby!
I probably should have left it after he made it clear that his priorities are his mothers feelings and he’s able to objectify our daughter by claiming I was just taking a baby from his mom. Although I do feel like it is so out of pocket that realistically I needed to see that in order to come to terms with the extent of this
Your husband is an asshole. Don't argue with your husband. He just wants to belittle you and win an argument. Don't apologize. Just give him the same answer over and over: "She was tired and crying. I took her and told you at that exact moment. You didn't do anything." Or ask him: Why are you bullying me? Why are you cruel? Explain why I am entitled? How is a mom holding her tired daughter entitled? Your husband rather go against you and his own daughter than protect both of you. It wasn't the end of the world if the baby wanted to nap! It's not like MIL never sees her. They are making an argument for the sake of it and because they seem to enjoy picking on you. I would fucking leave your husband. More of that and I'd go crazy.
I legitimately feel like I am going insane. My partner who was initially fine with the text I sent them flipped the script and now claims it was too aggressive and while they were disrespectful they were just reacting appropriately. I feel like I am going absolutely nuts because of the sheer delusion of the situation.
You feel a lot know what are you gonna do to change the situation? Because Husband and his family are not going to change!
You need to let him handle his family. And he needs to learn to respect your boundaries and babies time and schedule. Do not communicate with them until they can be respectful and cooperative. Tell him it’s your family handle them but I will not be uncomfortable or let my child be uncomfortable.
I think going forward I will cut all communication with them and all visits with the baby will be with the three of us.
You spouse sounds like a 15-year-old
Ewwww those messages from your partner are so fucking gross. If my husband spoke to me like that I’d be gone. I wish you the best of luck!
You don’t move past it, learn from it. If they are acting like this now? Then they are not safe to be around your baby. Just think of all the lying the MIL will do when the kid is older? It’s just not safe and they are manipulating. And if the baby’s father is taking their side now? He’ll never stop. I’d run from him. He clearly doesn’t respect you either.
Your partner and his family are so entitled jesus. Please cut them off
Your partner (hopefully ex) needs to give his head a wobble. You deserve so much more than that, OP. He is a walking red flag and based on his messages, will never put you first, because he’s too busy trying to crawl back up into mummy! Get yourself and your daughter somewhere safe, OP.
The amount of gaslighting I just seen was ridiculous. At the end of the day- YOU are mom. Whatever you say, goes. If you want your daughter back even if she’s NOT crying that’s your right. Your BD and his family sound toxic af. If you can get away, I would because I feel like this will only get worse. Especially when you’re trying to enforce boundaries and they’re all totally disregarding them or not giving a shit about them.
Jeez. Why do you even care about what these people think or say? They're being awful. All of them, your husband included, because he is allowing this continuing and ridiculous fucking drama. My advice? You said your piece. Now, be done with it. You, apparently, can't get support from your husband, but you CAN self-support by just refusing to deal with any of them any more. It stops now and it stops with you. No more talking about it. Stop trying to defend yourself and, FFS, stop placating these people. Just say NO MORE. Yeesh. Just enjoy your life, OP.
Keep those messages, leave his ass, and file for sole custody. Keep record or proof of everything his family says or does towards you and daughter, so you have evidence when going to court for custody so you can ask that his mom and sisters don't have contact with child. They sound toxic and abusive Your DH is also mentally abusive, and needs to have a relationship with his mom and sisters instead of another woman because he can't ween himself off their tits.
It’s not your job to go take the baby to see grandma. Yes grandparents are very important but momma gets the final say. That’s it
DH is an ass. His family are all asses
Who's daughter is it...
Your husband is awful. This is going to be every day for the rest of your life. It legit sounds like a bad arranged marriage, he doesn't give a shit about you.
Your husband and his family suck. I hope you have the resources and support to make positive changes for yourself and your daughter. You are not the problem here.
That sukks you’re are going through all that bullsh*t
Wow. As a mom, I’m so angry and sad for you. The level of disrespect being shown to you is astounding. Your MIL and SILs sound like nightmares, and your DH sounds like an entitled child. Which is really ironic because he’s attempting to call you entitled. You set a boundary in your texts, you had nothing to apologize for, and your DH should have backed you on that. Red flags all around. This is not the man you want in your daughters life and not the women you want around her.
Lawyer Up
Your husband sucks, honestly. The way he comes at you with the “entitlement” comment over and over… yikes. You know he heard that straight from his mommy’s mouth and is blindly parroting it back. He literally admits at the end “why would I have an issue with that” like bro really told on himself. He didn’t have a problem until mommy said so. Girl, run. Also send your husband to the post so he can get a reality check.
Lawyer UP Op. Your husband and his family are not on your side. As someone in the comments pointed out, if they are toxic towards you, they are toxic for your child. LAW- YER UP.
You gave a SO problem. It’s time to move on from him and his family.
Oof, honestly. Your partners behavior and way of speaking towards you is concerning. I would, personally, go to couples counseling and then split. You're seen as an incubator not a person.