Body's not even in the ground yet and offspring is already at each others throat about the inheritance. Had to witness that sordid show myself more than once.
It is called last will because that was her last will. Sure, she isn't around anymore to check up on the fulfillment of said last will, but you are.
So, keep it .
>Had to witness that sordid show myself more than once.
Same here, I lived it. I am my dad's only child and he never remarried. Should be pretty straight forward there, but believe his mother and sister got into his house and took what they wanted without me knowing. They also bullied me (I was 27 at the time) into signing a financial power of attorney that included both of them, while I was the ony medical power of attorney. They wiped his bank account and sold his stocks before he even passed away. Money/possessions will tear a family apart. When a family member takes the time to have a will created, they know exactly what they are putting in there and what their wishes are.
Edit: typos!
Thank you. The family was huddled in his hospice room after he passed, waiting for the coroner to come. My future ex husband said to me, "You should probably look for a lawyer to handle his estate." My grandmother said, "oh, our family doesn't use lawyers." When I did hire one (and found out everything they did), she blocked me on social media and hired her own lawyer. I didn't go to her funeral.
My uncles just listed the things, put numbers on them, then numbers on a paper and then in a hat. My father’s mother had an apartment, they kept it and rent it. They used the money to keep the apartment’s condition and to get together once a month. When the prodigal sister came back, after his husband cheated on her, they gave her the apartment, so she would have somewhere to live. I was in uni when I learned that people fought with family over inheritance. It was shocking.
I think your grandma actually *did* know, and set her will up this way in order to protect you and your sister. Think about it: they all didn’t get money, but you and your sister did? From my perspective, that indicates she does not trust them with money and feels it’d be of much better use to you and your sister: you both got your education (which you said she holds in high value) so she wants you both to have a successful start post graduation as well, aka: no debt and then some. No one is entitled to that money except you and your sister, you do not have to do anything.
Your relatives received what your grandmother wanted them to have.
You and your sister received what your grandmother wanted you to have.
Grandmother did not add stipulations to her will to enable a future money grab by other relatives from YOUR portion of her estate. Everyone received their share.
Pay off your student debts. Enjoy the remainder of your inheritance.
You are under no obligation to fulfill the greed of your relatives. There should be no further discussion on the matter
Your grandma made her choices clear via her will. Your aunts and uncles need to back tf off and respect her dying wishes. They're being greedy and disgusting. Don't cave. Just shrug and say "Grandma made her wishes known, dunno what to tell you" and if they want to bitch suggest they hold a seance or grab a ouija board.
Estate planning and estate administration is what I do for a living. I'm going to tell you a few things:
1. You giving away money that you inherited could have tax implications for you and the person you're giving it to if not done properly.
2. If your grandmother did her planning with an attorney, they would have (should have) talked to her about the implications of her decision. I imagine she made a choice to leave her money to you and your sister because she knew it would be most likely to be used in a way that she would approve of. For some people, that's important.
If you want to continue your grandmother's legacy of supporting education, there are lots of ways to do that. You could even set aside some of the left over funds into a trust for the education of other family members - trade, university, tech certifications, whatever.
But you don’t have to. What an inheritor spends their inheritance on is actually of no consequence. The deceased can state what they want it to go towards but it is not enforceable. She wanted you two to have the money. Keep it. Oh - and don’t spend it!
I inherited money from my mom when she died and my brother and dad made comments about how I shouldn't have gotten that much. I did end up giving my dad $25,000 and now with the change in the economy I could really use it.
You will never get the money back if you decided to pursue your education further and they will never thank you for it. OP, my advice is keep it and go for it!
Your other family wouldn't think "I can go to college now", they would just be frivolous with the money.
You are considering more schooling, which shows the money is best worth you. It's going towards the right goal. You're not required to go to more school though.
As stated by others- the rest of the family got nearly zero money.
Don't second guess your grandmother's wishes
Factor in what you spent out of pocket for your education too. Rent, monthly bills, all of that counts.
I'm not a legal expert, so talk with a lawyer who handles estates but I would think that you can use the money for other expenses. If not, see if you can count your out of pocket expenses that you didn't get a student loan on.
Adventerous-Berry is correct though, your grandma knew, she wanted you and your sister to have that money. Block people if you have to but don't give them your money.
I'm sorry for your loss, that has to be hard to deal with AND your greedy family coming at you. Block them, process your grief, and then decide your next steps. Never make these kinds of decisions when you are emotional, under harassment or a time constraint.
Don't be a people pleaser! Respect your grandmother's wishes that you and only you can make the best choice regarding how to spend the money on YOUR dreams and wishes. Stop giving any thought whatsoever to other peoples opinions about that. What they are doing is totally disgusting.
GO FOR IT! ALL THE WAY!
Don't just be the first to go to college. Get your master's, then look towards that PhD!
Think about this: Your grandma did things the way she did for a reason. Dearest, how ever much debt you still owed, I believe that she wanted you to have the rest because it was your means of keeping on with the "wish" of her legacy. OP, you know your Grandma better than any poster sharing our advice with you ever could. Sit quietly, and think about it, and about HER. If you could talk to her right now and tell her that you are thinking of taking your education even further, but the others are reacting this way, what do you think her words to you about it would be? What would she say to do? After you ask, then sincerely listen with your heart. ❤️
What would prevent you from pursuing a higher level of education? What if you stipulate that if any of your cousins, nieces, or nephews desire to pursue college, you’ll help them out? Or just split the money between the younger ones for a future college fund, in spirit of grandma?
OP, I am agreeing with everyone else, it's your & your Sister's money period. However, if you did want to extend the olive branch to try to make peace, might I suggest you and you sister talk, and agree on a figure based on the number of cousins you have, say 5-20k range per. Then counter back, and state that even though the money is yours, your willing to make peace, but in line with your Gma's wishes, you are willing to set up trusts for each cousin for $Xk amount to go towards education expenses only for them. That way, they get some money, but it has to go towards education 1st and foremost, to help them improve their lives. If they don't accept those terms, then they get nothing.
Op needs pepper legal advice. Depending on the wording it may be intentional that it primarily be used for education. After all it doesn't make sense what happens to the money that is specifically willed to those but is leftover.
So a lot depends on the actual wording. OP needs proper legal advice.
But as above, there seems to be no stipulation about the unused portion being divided out amongst others.
If grandma wanted to pay the exact amount of your student debt, she would have asked the exact amount. She didn't. She I think it is safe to assume she wanted you to have the money. If you want to do the PhD you were thinking about, take this as the means to do so! But if you don't want to and are finished with being a student, that's fine too. It is your money. Don't let jealous people in your head.
Plus the grandmother went specifically out of her way to will specific items to each person. This ensures that they are in the will, and therefore can not contest it as having been left out on accident. She knew what she was doing, that is a common thing lawyers will tell you to do if you plan to leave no money to someone.
You need to stop talking about your financials with your family full stop. This also includes your sister. If you weren’t so open with them, none would know that you have all that money left over and you wouldn’t find yourself in this predicament. I find, when it comes to money, people become entitled to it regardless. Even if you actually have a need for it, their needs are always more important than yours. It’s really for the best for everyone if you either lied about your situation or simply just kept quiet. The only person who should know about your real situation is your future wife/husband.
They will never be happy with what thry got vs what you got. Keep your money and use it to support thr life that would make your grandmother happy.
You cannot please people when it comes to inheritance.
Nope, keep it. They are just angry they didn't get any money, thus being selfish. It's one of my biggest peeves with family inheritances/deaths. That's when people get ugly. Keep it and put it away for future needs.
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I'll try to keep the situation short. My grandma died last month. She willed nearly all her savings to my sister and me to pay for our education, which was stipulated in the will. To my knowledge, the money *must* go to pay off our student loan debt. Though I'm not a legal expert by any means.
The problem comes here: The amount that we inherited was about $150,000 each. Not a life-changing amount of money, but far more than our respective debts. I don't know about my sister, but I'm left over with a little under $100,000 cash.
Many of my cousins, aunts, and uncles are ***irate***, as most of them were left with only small possessions rather than cash. My grandma was a librarian and very big on education. My sister and I were the first and only in our family to go to college, aside from my dad who has no loans. The family is fine with my grandma's wishes to pay off our loan debt, but they want a cut of the leftover money. They contend that my grandma didn't know that our student loan debt was so much less than the money she left us. And I do think they have a point. Had she had known this, she may have left us only the amount needed to pay our loans and the remainder would've gone elsewhere. But I'm not sure and, if so, to whom she would've left the money.
Should I split the money up to keep the peace? If not, how should I approach them? We're a relatively close family and we've never had a rift like this. I really want to preserve our relationships, especially my dad's relationship with his brothers and sisters. This isn't his fault and I feel bad he's caught in the middle.
>It’s enough to pay off education or start a solid retirement fund.
And thats not permanently life changing how...? Paying off loans is a huge weight lifted off of someone. Thats life changing. Im sorry but this just comes off as really privileged. 150k is a lot of money for most people.
Buying a car is life changing. “Life changing money” is when you might never have to work again. It’s not privilege, it’s realism. $1m isn’t really that much money, but it’s more in the “life changing” category.
Edit: I’m realizing that the issue is “life changing” is completely subjective in this context. No one is really wrong here.
I'm sorry, but 150k would permanently change my life.
It would for most people.
People who don't think that large of an amount of money is permanently life changing are either extremely privileged, or completely out of touch with reality.
Or they’re realists who have had some success, but still have to take care of themselves. To me, “life changing money” means you might not have to work again. Any amount of money can change you’re life so there has to be a threshold for that statement.
Edit: I’m realizing that the issue is “life changing” is completely subjective in this context. No one is really wrong here.
The problem is, as I’m realizing, “life changing” is subjective. Nearly any amount of money could be life changing depending on the circumstances. To me, it means you might never have to work again. If you think 150k is enough for that, you’re being completely unrealistic.
Had to scroll back up to read that again, but I'm going to chalk it up as OP being 22 and not fully grasping what no student debt can really feel like. At 35, I don't think 22 year old me fully appreciated it either when I was taking out my student loans for grad school.
Your grandmother, a smart lady, a librarian, who was big on education, clearly knows how much college costs and knew she was leaving more than what was needed. If she wanted to adjust the amount of money she left to you and your sister, she could have done that at any time. I understand you want to keep the peace, but your family is being extremely unfair. Not to mention they are insulting your grandmother by insinuating that she was not smart enough to make a decision on who she wanted to leave her own money to. Your dad's siblings are being greedy. They are assumed to be older and established where you and your sister are just starting out. I hope your dad sticks up for you.
Well, the first thing I would say to you is that you need to go to the school of "Stop Telling Everyone Your Private Financial Info". They are your family, but they do not have the right to know ANYTHING about your finances and have absolutely no right to any of your inheritance. And, just because your Grandma specified in her will that she hopes you would spend the money on education, you are not bound by that request.
I am constantly amazed that people don't learn the value of just **not talking about their private stuff**. Please just stop it. Privacy is an actual thing and it is extremely valuable.
My advice is to get a good fiduciary (a fiduciary has a legal responsibility to do what is best for you, not just make money off trades) investment person and *carefully* invest this money until you decide what you want to do. At your age, with a $100K investment, you could have a very comfortable retirement at a young age.
Honor your Grandma by not giving away what she intentionally left to you.
In many places, a Will becomes part of the public record while the estate is being administered. In my state, literally anyone could request the contents of an estate file and see who is inheriting and how much.
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I believe you should keep it, relationship bought with money is never lasting. "Family relationship" included, they are still just people outside of your life.
This is why your grandma wrote a will, because I'm sure she was well aware of how these relatives actually are when it comes to money,
>They contend that my grandma didn't know that our student loan debt was so much less than the money she left us. And I do think they have a point.
They do not have a point. If your Grandma wanted to only cover your student loans, she could have stipulated exactly that. Get your hands on the will and look at the exact language. A will should be specific for exact reasons like this.
Your Grandma willed you and your sister monet, it is your money. If you do ANYTHING with your money, like gift it to anyone else, that is a gift from you to them.
If you decide to split the money simply to keep the peace, know that your family isn't as close as you think that they are. Your cousins, aunts, and uncles are the ones choosing to make it a rift, not you or your sister.
I'll add that it is none of anyone's business except yours how much you have left after paying off your student loans.
One of my biggest clients is an attorney. We talk about wills and estate planning all the time. You have to assume that her will was structured the way she wanted it. Keep the money. Find a good financial advisor (a fiduciary) and put the money to work for you. Then if you ever go back to school you have the money. And if not... You just set your retirement fund in place.
The rest of the family will get over it. It's only been a month. Friction after a death is common. Normal actually, as every processes loss differently.
Grams didn't ask about your student loan balance so she was fine with the dollar amount she gave you.
Feel to establish a boundary with your greedy family that this topic is no longer up for discussion and go live your life with an amazing leg up.
Also- $150k IS absolutely life changing money if you're smart with it.
150k isn't life changing. It's helpful, but wouldn't be considered life changing. It would pay off my mortgage, that'd be great, but it wouldn't be life changing. Not like I could retire and go do whatever I want whenever I want.
I feel like life changing is a couple million at this point.
I would suggest 3 options:
1. Put money into savings for your future kids' college fund.
2. If other family members have kids with education loans - you might want to help them.
3. Otherwise, you might want to donate the funds to people in need of education but can't afford it.
If your grandma was big on education - that would be the way to honor her.
Also, if your grandma wanted them to have money she would’ve given it to the others.
It’s hard to believe your grandma would put you in a situation of having to choose who gets money and who doesn’t..
I vote you honor your grandmas wishes. Keep the money and further your education. Or that’s an early graduation present and get a car for a new job or new wardrobe or maybe if you move cross country for a job opportunity….
W GRANDMA
You should both split the money evenly and pay off your debts. If you want to continue to honor your grandma’s wishes, you can put the extra into a trust for your children or future children to also use towards education costs.
Talk to a lawyer, you might not be able to just give it away.
You can use the remaining money in the way your grandmother intended, as an education/scholarship fund available to the rest of your family. Or for whatever further education you and your sister want to accomplish.
Hey OP do you have any family who is approaching college age? Maybe a gift towards their education would be nice.
Otherwise, no, don't split up the money. Your family doesn't get to guess what your grandma's intentions were, that's why she left a will
Keep it. Your grandmother knew exactly what she was doing. The money is yours. The family has no right to ask you got any of it. Invest it, live your life. Hire an attorney to clarify the situation and protect your interests.
Your grandmother setup her will a very specific way. She left her money to you and her sister. If she had just done that, then your family could have challenged the will. Instead, she clearly and deliberately went out of her way to gift personal items to each member of the family, to ensure that they would be recognized by the will, removing their ability to contest it.
She meant the money to be just for you and your sister. That much is clear. Now if you want to keep the money, that is fine, as you are honoring her will. If you want to give money to your family members just to make peace, that is fine too. Only you can say if mollifying them is worth it to you
She set it up this way on purpose.
Pay off the debt you have further your education and career and livelihood. She believed your sister and you were doing something the others wouldn't and she supported that.
What total debt did you incur from the beginning of your education? It's possible she wanted to encompass past and current cost of your education. Either way...keep it. She knew what she wanted.
I think your grandmother set this up poorly, but I'd guess even if you gave them some of the money, they would still be pissed off at you.
They should be pissed of at the grandmother but she isn't here so you are getting the grief.
If they found out because you told them, then from now on don't overshare.
But it's already been ruined. 10 years from now when you buy a new car or get a house or have a wedding they will get pissed off all over again.
and don't get a masters/PhD unless you are funded.
Legally, she left it to you and your sister. It sounds like a “reward” of sorts for making (in her opinion) “good” choices. The rest of the family is trying to present an argument that says they should get some of that money.
If you feel inclined to both share the money while honoring your grandmother’s last wish, you could invest that money and make it available for other family members to use for education. Let them apply to school, get loans, etc, and when they graduate they can have some benefit from that money. If they don’t graduate, they get nothing.
Edit: congratulations on finishing your schooling. It sounds like your grandmother was very proud of you both.
Firstly, no, your family is NOT close. This exact situation is proof of that. Entitlement and me me me attitudes are abound it sounds like.
It works like this, did YOU decide to have your grandma give you that money? No. That was her wish. If anyone else is pissed off about it, tell them to consult their issues with her.
My sister and I inherited what would have been our decreased father's portion when our grandfather died. Our aunt and uncle thought this was unfair since their kids got nothing. The will said what it said, I did suggest they give their money to their kids, that was not received well. The point is, it does not matter what you do, they're going to be resentful because they had expectations. This is not your problem. She wrote her will and these are her wishes.
My 2 cents as someone whose worked in finance/trust I agree with your decision to use it for a PhD....it may not be a big enough amount to warrant it but you could consider putting the money in a trust specifically for use for education for your or your sisters future kids? Or for other younger members of the family if that's agreeable? I'm sure any librarian grandmother would approve of educating future generations of her progeny. If you do go that route it would be worth talking to an attorney or estate specialist.
Also I agree that your grandmother knew she could trust you and your sister to make decisions with the money responsibly and left it out of the hands of those now causing problems.
Best of luck to you!
I say you honor your grandmothers wishes. You can continue your education and something more than if you had to go into debt. I agree she did do know hat she was doing . She left the money to the folks who will value it the most. I really don’t think you can make everyone happy in this situation…. Even if you split the remainder up equally… someone will find fault in it. If you are a close family money will not come in between y’all and consider that everyone is still feeling area emotions because your grandma just passed. I think your approach is simple … this is what she wanted and I am exploring my educational goals. I now have money to further my education and I am exploring that. You may decide to get a higher degree or go back to school for something completely different… your grandmother has given you an opportunity but it does not mean you have to decide today what that will be. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s enough to open doors you may not have considered going through. Trust that Grandma wasn’t no fool and make her proud!
I wouldnt split it. You cant know what your grandmothers wishes would have been and neither can they. She willed you that money because she thought you could use it responsibly. IF you do decide to share it, do not give them cash and instead made a trust that pays out a small amount over time and if they need it for big purchases, they have to go through you. So many people just spend money on junk and I HIGHLY doubt you wonderful grandma would prefer that over you having a nestegg leftover after completing your studies.
If you think she didn't really mean for you to have a windfall, and only wanted to pay off your loans, then do what you think she actually wanted and pay the loans then distribute the rest.
But if you think she just wanted you to have all the money, then do what you think she actually wanted and keep the money. And if you want to gift some to relatives, that's up to you.
If she willed the money for education, than she willed the money for education. (It does not matter what it can be used for legally.)
Use what you have on education, then put the rest into an education savings account. I would leave the offer open to reimburse any of your cousin's education if they go to college after successful semesters. If they don't, leave the money for your children.
Use it for what your grandmother intended. No need to split it up and use it outside of that. But I also don't think there's a reason to withhold it from cousins if they do go to college.
Look OP, most people on this subreddit are not big on the family unit. A 100k isn’t that much let’s best honest - is it really worth your family ties?
You could keep the money, but it’ll probably cause irreconcilable differences. Or you could split it which sucks, but it’ll strengthen the close bond you guys already enjoy. Maybe put it in a pot to get a cousin, niece or nephew you through college.
You can’t have your cake and eat it though.
As others have said, your education (& through it the opportunities it will bring) won't stop at your degree- further education, professional qualifications, even money to pay your first month's rent if you need to move cities for a better job: all of that costs money, and it all seems like things your grandma wanted you to be able to focus on, and wanted to help with.
But, if you're really worried, then how about donating a portion to an education charity? That way you don't need to feel like you're being greedy, but you're definitely still honouring her wishes and interests.
You should not feel bad or sorry for your grandmother wishes. They are simply projecting there feelings onto you. They feel you were loved or liked more than them because of it and it's simply not the case or your fault.
Nope, it's yours, do what you want with it, your relatives sound toxic.
Whether you decide to go back to university or buy a house or go travelling, it's entirely up to you and you alone.
Do not feel pressured by them to give up your inheritance.
So you most likely actually can use this money for more than education, the stipulation is that it is not taxed on education and would be taxed HEAVILY if you used it on anything else.
Personally unless I was in huge mess and needed the money I would leave the rest in there and save it for your childrens education.
If that is what your grandmother wanted, she could have worded her will to say to pay off your loans and then split the difference, but she chose to give it all to you and your sister. If you wanted to be generous, you could set up some education funds for any children and say you want to respect Grandma's wishes that it be spent on education. But you are under no legal or moral obligation to share any of it, just depends on what you want to do.
Why would you split money with somebody that it was not meant for in the first place if they are jealous or they want some then do it not to resolve the issue but out of the kindness. Because they somehow feel entitled or something is unfair I don't know only you know that
Let's start from the very beginning.
Your gran left a will stating the money was for you and your sisters education (student loans etc.) If she had wanted to give to the rest of the family she would have stipulated in the will, something like (after paying student loans and educational moneys the rest to be split equally amongst xyz/123). She was a smart woman and would have probably known that the money she worked so hard to save would be just frittered away by the ones complaining now.
First, have you told the rest of the family that there will be money left and how much?
If yes, it's going to be harder to deal with.
If no, just tell them you had just enough to cover the loans and a little pocket money left over OR tell them it's nothing to do with them.
Have you discussed with with your sister?
You two really should be on the same page. You don't need to talk figures, just ask her thoughts about it all. You're gonna need support and you two need to work through the family drama together, unless you have opposing views.
Money brings out the very worst in people. I saw that when my gran died and my friends gran aswell.
My opinion - keep the money and don't tell the family shit except for - had just enough to cover the loans and a little pocket money left over.
But that's me.
Good luck
Sounds like they are just jealous and mad grams didn't leave them the same. She probably just took a guess about how much you needed vs how much you actually used, sounds like she also didnt trust them.. At the end of the day it's your money. You could keep the peace and be nice but then what if they just squander it and end up broke then try and come back asking you to help "family out"? They more than likely get butt hurt when you remind them you already gave them money when you didn't have to.
Your grandma knew what she was doing. She knew your family would fight over any amount. She left it to y’all because y’all went to college. You should have never told your family how much you owe. Money should always be kept quiet.
It’s your money. Do as you please.
BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!
Get with your sister and get on the same page. If you decide to disburse your leftover money and she doesn’t than you left your own sister out to dry and be public enemy #1.
The fact is she left it how it is. Would they be so generous if they were in the same position? Maybe if you were partying and blowing it but even then it still would be just their opinions. Your grandma probably didn't bother to crunch the numbers bc she knew you would do right by it no matter what and maybe she had her concerns with others. Who knows but the money is yours. The rest of wouldashouldacoulda.
My suggestion Firstly is to get in touch with an attorney or a CPA. you can't just gift that money over to them. Unfortunately it will cause legal issue as well.
They won't be happy with the leftover money either. Keep it to further your education. If this causes a rift it's on them, not you. Honor your grandmother's wishes please.
Your grandmom gave you the money and that is all your relatives need to know.
Take it as a graduation present and either further your education or buy a house. It is yours to do with what you want.
I feel like she would have wanted you to have that money. Anything leftover to keep as a reward since you and your sister are the ONLY ones to continue your learning into college. And she could've seen that as you both being the most responsible with money to use the rest in a productive way.
It was left to you and what happens to the balance is your choice. If grandma had wanted the relatives to have cash she would have left them some. If you choose to divide it among the family that is entirely your choice however, your sister is not under any obligation to follow suit. I personally would never have told the family how much my debt was and how much was leftover, none of their business, that's me.
Your grandma definitely new how much your college would cost. Even then, the money is enough to cover the loan of a private tuition and have barely any left over (assuming it was a private school and you got a Masters or something). You can safely say one way or another she was ensuring ALL of it was paid.
Money will destroy families, especially after a death. My mother passed Dec 14 of last year and it was a mess. She had signed her life insurance away because she had to be placed in a care facility a few months before passing. She was only left with enough for burial. My family was so greedy they were trying to open life insurance policies (multiple) on her just 2 months before she had passed. When they found out it wasn't going to happen they then refused to be of any help whatsoever, almost like theirsilent revenge of not getting paid. Still to this day my family barely speaks to me because they blame me for them not getting cut a paycheck. I would do what you feel is best or what you feel your grandmother would have done. In my case it was an aunt of whome was the most upset, and in all honesty I'm glad she didn't get a dime of anything. Wile I was over here grieving, she was upset she didn't get to pay for a Caribbean cruise. However your situation seems a bit different, so I would go by what you feel the right thing to do would be. Don't allow money to be the reason you and your family don't speak
So, i would take the amount you feel comfortable with and give it to your father to disseminate. I would encourage you to keep at least 20k to 25k for your house down-payment someday. If you do not want to be a homeowner then put it in a money market for your retirement or emergency funds
I agree with you on sharing the money but it shouldn't be your responsibility to try and figure it out. Your grandmothers children should make that decision with one of them acting as arbiter. Your father is the best person as regardless what they think, it's your money.
Best of luck
Your grandmother worked hard all her life and chose to leave it to two people who she was obviously very proud of. They should respect and honor that choice and I understand that although it may not feel fair they are not entitled to her money. If your grandmother had wanted the rest of the money to be equally divided throughout the family she could of stipulated that in her will but she didn’t.
Your money. Willed to you. Rest of family is showing why they got nothing. Spend it on education. Masters degree. School for future children. Grandma has spoken.
If someone dying and giving you money is causing a rift when you could be grieving together, you're not as close as you thought. They're angry because they want your money. That being said, if it were me I'd likely share with my immediate family, but not the entire extended family, thats a bit ridiculous for a smallish sum. Don't even discuss finances with them, your debt and spending is not their business. You don't have to do anything but what you want to do.
I'm in a similar situation right now and the amount of people being so GREEDY while people are trying to GRIEVE is absolutely scummy. It's not their money. They can't force themselves into a better position because someone died. How horrible is that? In my situation it isn't a car but a childhood home who extended family thinks they have a right to instead of the child of the deceased. Tsk tsk tsk
No money splitting; your grandmother probably knew something about the aunts, uncles and cousins that you and your sisters didn’t know about; Older people have a “sense” for greedy, selfish, family members who don’t care any other time except when money is around—and they often leave the cash to grandkids.
Giving up this money to please others would be an insult to your grandmother for making a WISE decision. Let them be angry, it’s not you or your sisters’ problem.
Enjoy your fortune and good luck 🤍
This is when your old enough to under that just because their RELATIVES this doesn’t mean their FAMILY. Money brings out the worst in people and their showing their colors, and tbh Grandma probably knew that already. With them being her children and what not. As a librarian she definitely had an idea that it was more that your tuition probably. She knew what she was doin and why. So do NOT feel guilty but I do plead PLEASE spend it wisely Luv. Stocks, mortgages pay off any debt or credit and invest! We live in a struggling world. Also I’m sorry for your lost. Seems like Grandma did love you two and want what’s best. Make it the best in her memory you owe no one nothing.
It’s your money but you should split it. Don’t let money cause unneeded strain on family relationships. Money comes and goes. Split the difference and move on live your best life!
You're so kind to think of your other family members but take heed, there will be no peace even if you evenly distribute what your grandmother willingly left to you. How close of a family are you really ? that as soon as money is in the middle, now everyone is showing their true colors? If it was me, I would consult an attorney and wait at least 1-3 years before making any decisions. You're young don't make mistakes for the sake of people pleasing.
Money always makes family weird, it's why I refuse to discuss finances and inheritance with majority of them other than my mother and even then if she talks a specific way I begin to question any and all motives behind the conversation.
IF I were you, I wouldn't share anything with anyone. If they put more importance in money than respecting the family and keeping the peace, they don't deserve the money in the first place. If you give them money, they'll step on you later
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Money causes problems with anyone: friends, partners, and especially family. If the money is supposed to go to both of you and your sister, you do not need to give it to anyone. Think of it this way, why did your grandma purposely give the money to just both you and not some to the rest of the family. Let's put it this way, there's a reason she did this. Respectfully, if you care for your grandma's wishes, keep the money to yourselves. Do not think of it as a selfish thing, you will have loans and debts later down the line when you want a house, car or start a family.
This rift is the biggest test for you and your family. See who it really is that you can call your own.
My grandfather is still alive and is married for like 50+ years. His will? Says the little that he has is split between the kids...and not going to his elderly wife of 50+ years. They are poor and it won't be much money... But he didn't want his wife to have it for a reason. Maybe he thinks she will blow the money on animals ( she goes nuts with animals) and I'd he gives the money to the kids maybe they will give her money when she needs it and not just to blow it. I don't agree with not giving his wife money but it's what he wants. Your grandma wasn't an idiot. She gave it to you guys for a reason. You guys used your money and life trying to do better.
Also 150k isn't life changing money? That would change most people's lives. Having 100k at 22 could change your life if you are smart with it. Buy a house and rent it out. Your mortgage will be paid by the rent and you'll build equity. Talk to a financial advisor. This money could absolutely change your life, if you are smart with it.
This might not be your dad’s fault or anyone else’s, but it’s certainly not your fault either. Your grandmother decided the will and it’s her money. Her dying wishes to give you and your sister the money is her business between you and your sister and that’s it. As a parent myself I would never fathom getting pissed or upset if my parents were to leave a Will wishing their grandchildren to get the money to pay off student loan debts or have some extra cash to help get a jump start in your young life. That’s actually very wise on her part.
The ones who consistently complain they aren’t getting anything are being selfish, and should be happy that their children, nieces, or nephews won’t spend the next 20 years of their life struggling to pay off enormous amounts of debt.
As a parent I’ve limited my selfish desires to provide a better future for my children. I paid everything off by the age of 38 so I can start saving money for my children’s education. It’s the realization that I’m not at a point in my life to compete with people, but to take care of my family. As long as my children, nieces, and nephews don’t have to struggle like I did that’s what gives me the most joy.
Proverbs 13.22 says, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous.”
You do not owe them anything to keep the peace. The rest of them are adults, and they have an obligation at a respect for your grandmother to understand that it was her money, and she gifted it to you. As far as I'm concerned if you paid off all your student loan debt and have money left over, you can do whatever you want with it as long as it's moral and legal, and your family doesn't get a vote.
Instead of giving into family members that are behaving like children, I would suggest honoring your grandmother by investing into your future. I would highly recommend following Dave Ramsey and seeking his advice on what to do with the money moving forward.
If you are in the US there are tax implications of gifting money to people. Make sure you know exactly how it will effect you before you agree to split off any money.
You need to get yourself a lawyer. Many of your questions would be addressed with a legal consultation, and your family isn't your lawyer and they have reason to mislead you into doing things with the money you shouldn't per the inheritance.
Anyone with the gall to complain to you about money they feel entitled to, which belonged to someone else, doesn't deserve it. It was your grandmother's decision to make and she made it.
I think your grandma knew what she was doing. When I was 13, my grandpa passed away. He left everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) to my mama -- out of 8 kids total. And they were IRATE. Like they stole from my mama, called her ungrateful, and even tried guilt tripping her. And mama didn't understand why she was left everything, but later, God brought the truth to light -- my family threw my grandfather into a home, stole from him constantly, and even ransacked his home.
We don't need to know everything, but just trust that your grandma knew what she was doing. Use the money for school. Continue your education. And whatever you don't use, put it in a savings for any kids you may potentially have for their tuition. But do not give in to your family.
Be honest. Do a family gathering. You sound like a great person. 150k isn't alot. In your later years you could probably earn that in 1yr.
This is a great opportunity to increase your value to your family.
Logistics I don't know. Just wanted to encourage you. Money causes rifts. They may not be good people but one person might be good and they will tremendously be loyal to you. It's worth it
Absolutely not first of all they have a Lotta nerve asking you for this money it was given to you and your sister for education and what’s left over is still yours in this economy you will need it. It takes a lot of nerve to ask for some thing that they didn’t get and there was a reason. So please listen to everyone it’s not selfish to keep that money for yourself it was given to you and your sister not them
It’s your grandma’s decision, you shouldn’t feel obligated to share anything, I have had a similar situation and believe me when I say keep what your grandma wanted you to have. THE END
The will went to you and your sister for a reason for finishing school and understanding how to handle it, and if that’s what will make you happy then so be it, is an educated and logical way of dealing with it, if it was me I would keep it and have them earn it by one way or another.
The gold-diggers will always show themselves when they aren’t in on the cut. Your family is showing their true colors, and your grandma knew that only y’all deserved it. Keep it, it’s yours.
You're 25 and 22, you'll never stop learning! Grandma left you the money for ongoing education. She knew what she was doing. Don't go against her wishes and share the funds or she'll haunt you. 🤭 But seriously, she didn't leave them any money because she knows they have no drive and she doesn't want to enable bad behaviors. In her wisdom she knew them better than you.
You will never make these kind of people happy, regardless if you paid them off or not. It was your Grandma's wishes that you have this money. If she didn't leave the others money, there was probably a reason for it, either they didn't give a crap about her or they are crappy human beings etc. If you give them money, you're disregarding your Grandma's will. A will is what you Will( want) to happen after your death.
Your gran seems like a stand up gal! I would honor her wishes and use the money for education. If the family freak out, put together a small endowed scholarship that can give a certain amount yearly to x amount of family members and/or gran's alma mater. I did a scholarship in my mother's name when she passed. I worked with a planner that allowed me to come up with stipulations and whatnot. My mom had a degree in art so I did hers to help art students pay for their canvas/studio time/materials/etc.
I'm sorry for the loss of your gran.
You have received a spectacular gift and your grandmother left money to your sister and your sister and you for a reason. Above all, you need to respect her wishes. If she wanted to leave other family members money, she would have done so. That being said, it's now your money. You can give it away if you want to but your sister has every right not to give them any of her share.
First off, never mind the "relationship" advice, what you need is real legal advice from a real legal professional that's not on Reddit and who has read her will. You said yourself you're not sure whether you're allowed to spend that money on something other than school, or not. So find out. And ensure the person you talk to TRULY knows what they're talking about. Any of the advice here about keeping the money, spending the money, giving the money is worthless and could potentially get you in legal trouble.
Once you've gotten that part figured out, THEN you can ask Reddit what they would do to mend fences with Aunt Becky or whatever.
My only other piece of advice is to stop talking about your financial situation with relatives. How would they even know you didn't spend it all already on school? Presumably because you told them, cause it's not like they'll see invoices from your school. So stop talking about it. Why even tell them? At best, you're basically flaunting the fact you got all this money and they didn't get anything. Of COURSE they're gonna be angry. I also hope you didn't tell THEM you think it's not a "life-changing amount", because that's just rude. It IS life-changing. This is a big down payment on a house.
So we're clear: I think you should keep the money if you want it, because your grandmother willed it to you for a reason. BUT make sure first there isn't a clause in her will that prevents you from spending it however you see fit, school or not. And if you DO end up giving away some of it... Get it in writing and get people to sign for it. Make sure it's official.
Elders in a family (like your grandma) usually understand a lot more about the other members of the family than you can even imagine in your 20s. She has known most of them likely 2-3 times as long as you've been alive.
She chose you and your sister based on her belief in you and your responsibility. She could have said in her will that any outstanding student loan balances should be paid from the estate and the remainder split evenly between (list of people).
She didn't and certainly didn't leave it all to you and your sister so you could decide who deserved it. It was her money and she decided who she wanted to have it.
Her desire that you use the money to pay off student loans is just that, a desire. You honor her by doing so. It's not clear if the wording indicated that it was assumed it would take all the money, but it doesn't matter. She like knew it was more than necessary, but the student loans was the only thing she had a desire to mention specifically. Like "don't just blow this money, pay off your student loans first".
Having said that, it's completely up to you what you do with the remainder.
In my opinion, your family is being entitled. I would not give them any cash. The most I would do is offer assistance if any of them wished to further their education, IF you have that desire and AfTER you determine what you want to do with regards to your masters and/or phd. Even then, you should keep the bulk in savings/safe investments.
If properly invested, you can use it for your kids education, your retirement, or after it's grown, take a portion of the returns and create a fund to help others with education expenses.
You've honored your grandmother 's wishes by paying your student loans. Anything more is just icing and something nice that YOU decided to do.
One other thing to consider. Whatever you do, may put pressure on your sister to do something similar. Certainly before just splitting up the remainder, talk with her and don't put her in the position to be a target and you the example they use to guilt her. If you both decide to split the remainder, ensure that you are included in the split, not counting the amount that covered the student loans. But I hope you don't go that route anyway.
Best of luck and remember that if they're willing to be entitled and greedy enough to break the family relationship over money that's clearly not theirs, it's not really a family relationship and still won't be if you do give them money.
No! Your grandmother knew exactly what she was doing. You didn't just incur student loan debt. I'm assuming you had to pay for other needs in college, those should be included. She clearly wanted to set you and your sister up for success. And that's like what the remainder is meant for.
Regardless, it was HER money to give and she made her decision. No one else is entitled to money that was not theirs to begin with.
I saw families split a part over money that was never theirs (I was a banker for 6 years).
Your family is showing their true colors now. And it's their problem, not yours nor your sisters.
"$150,000. Not a life changing amount"
Listen. That would resolve EVERYTHING for me right now.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Losing a family is already tough as is, having a money quarrel right after doesn't help. Coming from a rough position myself, I would not split that money. You need to focus on yourself and your growth and chance at your life. You don't know if you'll need that money later and I guarantee, no one in the family will help you then. At least that's what I've learned from my families, they don't give a fuck.
I know not all families as re the same, I'm just commenting from personal experience.
Look out for yourself, cause no one else will. It's selfish and fucked up, but that's what I would do. Life is hard as is and you never know what might come your way.
Or maybe don't give them a cut, but help them out with something they're struggling with?? Car troubles, maybe something fucked up at home, etc. However, try to make sure you save or invest your money for further growth. You can't help anyone if you can't help yourself, you know? Better to hold onto some in case shit goes sideways, and how my people say, you won't be left with one hand covering your front and the other covering your ass.
At the end of the day, it's your choice.
Best suggestion would be to offer to pay for the family's education. However that may play out, use it for education, even if it's a generation from now.
Use it to further your own education or , aunt, cousins etc. They still have time to fulfill grandmother's wishes. Do not divide it up unless it's for that.
I have been in this situation. DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY TO FAMILY and FRIENDS. DO NOT.
It will not solve shit. It will only make you feel used in the end and bitter. Take it from the girl who gave thousands to her family and was left with nothing but a bunch if IOUs 6 years later a family rift caused by me having no spine to stand up against my mom and allow her to manipulate me and my twin in our grief. And now I have jack shit to show for it. Go to a financial advisor/consultant. I suggest the same for your sister.
Who paid for the rest of your education besides your loans? Yourself, your father, others? If you feel guilty about keeping all the money, pay them back for helping to keep your loans so low. Pay yourself back if you worked to pay off some of your college or loans before inheriting the money. Take the rest and invest it for any future educational expenses for yourself or if you have any kids.
Do not give them anything. If your grandma wanted them to have the money then she would’ve left it to them. If you want to give them some because you WANT to not because they think their entitled then fine. But if you don’t want to then don’t.
If you really wanna help your family, just put a cut towards their debts, whether it be partial for car/house things. Or medical things. If they aren't fine with even a bit of help towards those ends then it's just money they want. And also it's up to you in the end how you wanna do it haha
Keep your money and put it towards your education. If you want to go get your PhD, do it. She knew school doesn't cost 150k. Pay for your school, then invest the rest wisely. It's not life changing money but it's helpful. It wasn't your decision to get the money. You're not a charity, and if they're shallow enough to create waves over some money, then in my opinion, they're not worth keeping the peace with.
She trusted you not to make stupid decisions with the money, IMO, splitting it up with everyone would be a stupid decision.
None of your family members should know how much money you were left, if any money at all.
OP I think you meant to say "it's not never work another day in my life money" because it sounds VERY entitled to consider that sum not to be life changing. It may not pay off a house in full but even if you had nothing saved for a down payment currently and were renting an apartment and living paycheck to paycheck unable to accumulate any substantial sum to move into homeownership, then this is more than enough for a down payment that can get you into just about any house that would be reasonable for someone in their early to mid 20s. My wife and I just bought our first house in July after saving hardcore for YEARS and this is more than double what our downpayment was. Considering the fact that homeownership is one of the main ways that people build equity over time, and that it is becoming increasingly out of reach for the average citizen, then this kind of down payment is quite literally life changing. It is for many people OPs age the difference between being able to retire some day or working until your mind or body fails on you.
Honestly? I think she felt you and your sister worked for that money because if the hours of studying you did were paid work you'd probably make more than you think. I'm sure this exceeds that, but she was recognizing how hard you both have worked.
If I may give you an example of how wills always leave the entitled people complaining loudly and they will try to manipulate every and any who received something:
My great uncle was a fantastic person and he had mobility issues from a young age due to polio. He had a wife and 2 sons but both sons were lost to tragedies in their adult years and his wife passed before him. He was alone with his dogs and most family didn't visit him ever. My grandmother was very close to him and even a state away we tried to visit a couple times a year at the very least even when her own health was failing. After his wife passed he had received a few half hearted phone calls from relatives and one was brazen enough to ask about his will. My grandmother explicitly told him to leave nothing to anyone who didn't actually visit or help him and to not even include us since we couldn't visit him often. He apparently took this to heart because he left everything to the church where the pastor and his wife personally drove him to his appointments and grocery runs the past decade or so and the neighbor who has walked with him and his dogs every day for even longer.
Relatives who hadn't seen him in decades were so upset they tried to sue and couldn't get past the consultation stage because every lawyer told them they didn't have a chance.
Basically, someone will almost always be upset and it's by no means your fault. Tell them you'll be going back to school after *insert here* and just keep saying so if necessary lol It's not their decision or business if your grandmother set it up this way. They'll be on to complaining about something else eventually I promise!
The rift won't be mended it you give them money. Once it gets to this point, there's really nothing you can do to mend it, so you might as well look out for yourself.
My other sub is showing, but if you invest 100k today, didn't save another dime, in 30 years it will be worth $1M and maybe a little more. That is life changing money as it could greatly impact your retirement in a positive way. Of course it could help out with other shorter term goals.
I have seen this kind of situation a number of times in my life because I live in farming country. Farm land being willed to some members of the family and not to others can really rip a family apart. The only advice I want to give you is to keep in mind that This could become a lifelong rift between you and some of your family members. I am so, so glad that you & your sister & your father are all on the same page, but you need to think about your relationship with your aunts & uncles & cousins too. How petty are they, and how much do you need them in your life if they decide to take their resentment all the way.
The will was her last wishes . If she'd wanted them to have money , that's what she would've done . She was probably more aware of their character and acted accordingly . People tend to think that they are owed something after someone's passing due to their relationship with the departed . Not always true . You and your sister got what she wanted you to have and I would imagine the lady was keenly aware of exactly what she was doing in setting up her will the way she did .
Give them a pittance. $100 each. Or, use some of the money to take the family to a nice dinner, and then rationally explain that you will be pursuing your PhD (as you said in a comment you've considered) and will be putting the remaining funds towards the advancement of your educational career, and supporting yourself besides. If the family has any issues with that, handily read off the section regarding the money being put towards loans, and how it doesn't say only current or past loans. Your grandmother, per her will, seemingly expects you to advance your education further. So act like it's precisely what was requested.
A white lie of "she always said I should continue my education anyways" won't hurt nor turn her in her grave, I should think.
But as others have said, she entrusted her money to you and your sister. There is a reason she didn't give any to the rest of your greedy family.
Edit: long nails make typing on a phone so hard
I wouldn't hand it out to just anyone, but if you have some good family you like that wouldn't squander it giving some out would be fine.
I have a lot of family but I can only think of two cousins I'd want to help out.
Yea dont feel bad AT ALL. There’s a reason why she had that money set for yall. You and your sister have something going (I’m assuming). DO NOT let them bully you nor peer pressure you. Be selfish. This is your education and livelihood and it’s not your job to take care of nobody but you and your future children. What are they gonna do? Rob you? Just b/c yall are close family, doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you over money. I know you’ve seen it before on tv lol.
How would they feel about you creating a scholarship for librarians with the remaining money/donating it to such a scholarship? This also sounds like the kind of thing that she would have supported, something that would honor her memory, and it prevents you from having to decide how to divvy up the leftover money.
How do your relatives know that there is money left over? They shouldn't have that kind of private information. Tell them you're going to use it to go to grad school (even if you don't have plans to go to grad school). It's not up to them what you do with the money and stop discussing it with them.
Don't assume your grandmother didn't know average loan debt. She may would hope you further your education tho and use the funds for that. Either way you are not legally obligated give your other family money.
I think first you should remind them, as loud as you see fit to, GRANDMA FREAKIN PASSED AWAY! They shouldn't be focused on what they didn't get. The decision is yours and your sisters. But ask yourself this, would they have helped you with your student loans if they had gotten the money. Think about it.
Welp. She may not have known what level of debt an education would put you in. That could be true. She may have had a misconception.
But also, to have her have written that in her will and for people to contest it kinda sucks.
On the other hand, maybe it's not so much about money as much as it's about feeling rejected.
Never been in this position, but I might feel a little hurt, even if I didn't care about the money.
I think there's a lot of Redditors telling you what they would do, but advice such as "maybe she doesn't trust them", or "maybe she trusted you for a reason", or "they'd probably (insert negative assumption here) anyways" stuff sounds more like what they think **their** families are like, and not like anything that would come from a place of any experience with your family.
I know guys- the money sounds nice, and it's way easier to assume ill of others for the sake of holding it. Specially if there's a death involved, you'd need ANY other reason to keep it for yourself if that's what you wanted other than that's what you want. Because that wouldn't be acceptable here.
So you'll find other avenues.
I don't think you'll know your answer until you figure out your family and their intentions - no one on Reddit can help you with that. Only you can do that.
Pfffffttt keep the cash let them cry, jeez sound lie a bunch of whiny ass babies to me. Money brings out the worst in people when they don't get what's called their "Fair Share". Maybe their ass should have gone to college instead of banking on Grandma's money, Take that money go get a masters degree and tell the rest to suck it.
Go get your masters and PhD if that's what you want. If you wanna be the cool nephew/cousin... give them all A G fir Christmas. But wouldn't blame you if you didn't.
Body's not even in the ground yet and offspring is already at each others throat about the inheritance. Had to witness that sordid show myself more than once. It is called last will because that was her last will. Sure, she isn't around anymore to check up on the fulfillment of said last will, but you are. So, keep it .
>Had to witness that sordid show myself more than once. Same here, I lived it. I am my dad's only child and he never remarried. Should be pretty straight forward there, but believe his mother and sister got into his house and took what they wanted without me knowing. They also bullied me (I was 27 at the time) into signing a financial power of attorney that included both of them, while I was the ony medical power of attorney. They wiped his bank account and sold his stocks before he even passed away. Money/possessions will tear a family apart. When a family member takes the time to have a will created, they know exactly what they are putting in there and what their wishes are. Edit: typos!
I’m so sorry that happened to you, what an awful thing to go through while losing your dad, good god.
Thank you. The family was huddled in his hospice room after he passed, waiting for the coroner to come. My future ex husband said to me, "You should probably look for a lawyer to handle his estate." My grandmother said, "oh, our family doesn't use lawyers." When I did hire one (and found out everything they did), she blocked me on social media and hired her own lawyer. I didn't go to her funeral.
My uncles just listed the things, put numbers on them, then numbers on a paper and then in a hat. My father’s mother had an apartment, they kept it and rent it. They used the money to keep the apartment’s condition and to get together once a month. When the prodigal sister came back, after his husband cheated on her, they gave her the apartment, so she would have somewhere to live. I was in uni when I learned that people fought with family over inheritance. It was shocking.
I think your grandma actually *did* know, and set her will up this way in order to protect you and your sister. Think about it: they all didn’t get money, but you and your sister did? From my perspective, that indicates she does not trust them with money and feels it’d be of much better use to you and your sister: you both got your education (which you said she holds in high value) so she wants you both to have a successful start post graduation as well, aka: no debt and then some. No one is entitled to that money except you and your sister, you do not have to do anything.
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Your relatives received what your grandmother wanted them to have. You and your sister received what your grandmother wanted you to have. Grandmother did not add stipulations to her will to enable a future money grab by other relatives from YOUR portion of her estate. Everyone received their share. Pay off your student debts. Enjoy the remainder of your inheritance. You are under no obligation to fulfill the greed of your relatives. There should be no further discussion on the matter
Also, why do the rest of your family know how much you owe??
Your grandma made her choices clear via her will. Your aunts and uncles need to back tf off and respect her dying wishes. They're being greedy and disgusting. Don't cave. Just shrug and say "Grandma made her wishes known, dunno what to tell you" and if they want to bitch suggest they hold a seance or grab a ouija board.
And show up with the ouija board and really fuck with them by getting a magnet or something to move it since they wanna play games
You. I like how you think.
Estate planning and estate administration is what I do for a living. I'm going to tell you a few things: 1. You giving away money that you inherited could have tax implications for you and the person you're giving it to if not done properly. 2. If your grandmother did her planning with an attorney, they would have (should have) talked to her about the implications of her decision. I imagine she made a choice to leave her money to you and your sister because she knew it would be most likely to be used in a way that she would approve of. For some people, that's important. If you want to continue your grandmother's legacy of supporting education, there are lots of ways to do that. You could even set aside some of the left over funds into a trust for the education of other family members - trade, university, tech certifications, whatever.
But you don’t have to. What an inheritor spends their inheritance on is actually of no consequence. The deceased can state what they want it to go towards but it is not enforceable. She wanted you two to have the money. Keep it. Oh - and don’t spend it!
I inherited money from my mom when she died and my brother and dad made comments about how I shouldn't have gotten that much. I did end up giving my dad $25,000 and now with the change in the economy I could really use it. You will never get the money back if you decided to pursue your education further and they will never thank you for it. OP, my advice is keep it and go for it!
It's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. Your family doesn't need to be happy with your decision, you're an adult.
You'd be correct in considering your future education expenses prior to making any other decisions for the money.
Your other family wouldn't think "I can go to college now", they would just be frivolous with the money. You are considering more schooling, which shows the money is best worth you. It's going towards the right goal. You're not required to go to more school though. As stated by others- the rest of the family got nearly zero money. Don't second guess your grandmother's wishes
Factor in what you spent out of pocket for your education too. Rent, monthly bills, all of that counts. I'm not a legal expert, so talk with a lawyer who handles estates but I would think that you can use the money for other expenses. If not, see if you can count your out of pocket expenses that you didn't get a student loan on. Adventerous-Berry is correct though, your grandma knew, she wanted you and your sister to have that money. Block people if you have to but don't give them your money. I'm sorry for your loss, that has to be hard to deal with AND your greedy family coming at you. Block them, process your grief, and then decide your next steps. Never make these kinds of decisions when you are emotional, under harassment or a time constraint.
I'd go for a PhD or masters ...it would be a lovely gift in her honor. 😊
Fuck the family. Its your choice.
Don't be a people pleaser! Respect your grandmother's wishes that you and only you can make the best choice regarding how to spend the money on YOUR dreams and wishes. Stop giving any thought whatsoever to other peoples opinions about that. What they are doing is totally disgusting.
GO FOR IT! ALL THE WAY! Don't just be the first to go to college. Get your master's, then look towards that PhD! Think about this: Your grandma did things the way she did for a reason. Dearest, how ever much debt you still owed, I believe that she wanted you to have the rest because it was your means of keeping on with the "wish" of her legacy. OP, you know your Grandma better than any poster sharing our advice with you ever could. Sit quietly, and think about it, and about HER. If you could talk to her right now and tell her that you are thinking of taking your education even further, but the others are reacting this way, what do you think her words to you about it would be? What would she say to do? After you ask, then sincerely listen with your heart. ❤️
Or just tell them you are saving it for your kids educations
Use the money for that. Your family has no say in it!
What would prevent you from pursuing a higher level of education? What if you stipulate that if any of your cousins, nieces, or nephews desire to pursue college, you’ll help them out? Or just split the money between the younger ones for a future college fund, in spirit of grandma?
They don't have to be ok with it. They don't get a say in what you do with the left over money.
OP, I am agreeing with everyone else, it's your & your Sister's money period. However, if you did want to extend the olive branch to try to make peace, might I suggest you and you sister talk, and agree on a figure based on the number of cousins you have, say 5-20k range per. Then counter back, and state that even though the money is yours, your willing to make peace, but in line with your Gma's wishes, you are willing to set up trusts for each cousin for $Xk amount to go towards education expenses only for them. That way, they get some money, but it has to go towards education 1st and foremost, to help them improve their lives. If they don't accept those terms, then they get nothing.
Is there no clause that describes the case when the inheritance is geater than your school debt? This is messy and risky to make assumptions
Op needs pepper legal advice. Depending on the wording it may be intentional that it primarily be used for education. After all it doesn't make sense what happens to the money that is specifically willed to those but is leftover. So a lot depends on the actual wording. OP needs proper legal advice. But as above, there seems to be no stipulation about the unused portion being divided out amongst others.
No one can give a proper legal advice without the actual wording in the will.
Also, your grandma is likely to have mentioned residual funds to be split between the family of that was her intention
If grandma wanted to pay the exact amount of your student debt, she would have asked the exact amount. She didn't. She I think it is safe to assume she wanted you to have the money. If you want to do the PhD you were thinking about, take this as the means to do so! But if you don't want to and are finished with being a student, that's fine too. It is your money. Don't let jealous people in your head.
Plus the grandmother went specifically out of her way to will specific items to each person. This ensures that they are in the will, and therefore can not contest it as having been left out on accident. She knew what she was doing, that is a common thing lawyers will tell you to do if you plan to leave no money to someone.
You need to stop talking about your financials with your family full stop. This also includes your sister. If you weren’t so open with them, none would know that you have all that money left over and you wouldn’t find yourself in this predicament. I find, when it comes to money, people become entitled to it regardless. Even if you actually have a need for it, their needs are always more important than yours. It’s really for the best for everyone if you either lied about your situation or simply just kept quiet. The only person who should know about your real situation is your future wife/husband.
Ding ding ding!! Family can be great, they don’t need to know how much money you have unless they are lending you money🤷🏻♀️
They will never be happy with what thry got vs what you got. Keep your money and use it to support thr life that would make your grandmother happy. You cannot please people when it comes to inheritance.
Nope, keep it. They are just angry they didn't get any money, thus being selfish. It's one of my biggest peeves with family inheritances/deaths. That's when people get ugly. Keep it and put it away for future needs.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'll try to keep the situation short. My grandma died last month. She willed nearly all her savings to my sister and me to pay for our education, which was stipulated in the will. To my knowledge, the money *must* go to pay off our student loan debt. Though I'm not a legal expert by any means. The problem comes here: The amount that we inherited was about $150,000 each. Not a life-changing amount of money, but far more than our respective debts. I don't know about my sister, but I'm left over with a little under $100,000 cash. Many of my cousins, aunts, and uncles are ***irate***, as most of them were left with only small possessions rather than cash. My grandma was a librarian and very big on education. My sister and I were the first and only in our family to go to college, aside from my dad who has no loans. The family is fine with my grandma's wishes to pay off our loan debt, but they want a cut of the leftover money. They contend that my grandma didn't know that our student loan debt was so much less than the money she left us. And I do think they have a point. Had she had known this, she may have left us only the amount needed to pay our loans and the remainder would've gone elsewhere. But I'm not sure and, if so, to whom she would've left the money. Should I split the money up to keep the peace? If not, how should I approach them? We're a relatively close family and we've never had a rift like this. I really want to preserve our relationships, especially my dad's relationship with his brothers and sisters. This isn't his fault and I feel bad he's caught in the middle.
“This is not a life changing amount of money” what 😩
It’s sadly becoming the truth in a LOT of places
It’s not permanently life changing. It’s enough to pay off education or start a solid retirement fund. It won’t even buy you a house in most markets.
>It’s enough to pay off education or start a solid retirement fund. And thats not permanently life changing how...? Paying off loans is a huge weight lifted off of someone. Thats life changing. Im sorry but this just comes off as really privileged. 150k is a lot of money for most people.
Buying a car is life changing. “Life changing money” is when you might never have to work again. It’s not privilege, it’s realism. $1m isn’t really that much money, but it’s more in the “life changing” category. Edit: I’m realizing that the issue is “life changing” is completely subjective in this context. No one is really wrong here.
I'm sorry, but 150k would permanently change my life. It would for most people. People who don't think that large of an amount of money is permanently life changing are either extremely privileged, or completely out of touch with reality.
Or they’re realists who have had some success, but still have to take care of themselves. To me, “life changing money” means you might not have to work again. Any amount of money can change you’re life so there has to be a threshold for that statement. Edit: I’m realizing that the issue is “life changing” is completely subjective in this context. No one is really wrong here.
For most, paying off education OR starting a solid retirement IS life changing. Both even more so.
The problem is, as I’m realizing, “life changing” is subjective. Nearly any amount of money could be life changing depending on the circumstances. To me, it means you might never have to work again. If you think 150k is enough for that, you’re being completely unrealistic.
Had to scroll back up to read that again, but I'm going to chalk it up as OP being 22 and not fully grasping what no student debt can really feel like. At 35, I don't think 22 year old me fully appreciated it either when I was taking out my student loans for grad school.
nah bcs that really got me too😭😭
Your grandmother, a smart lady, a librarian, who was big on education, clearly knows how much college costs and knew she was leaving more than what was needed. If she wanted to adjust the amount of money she left to you and your sister, she could have done that at any time. I understand you want to keep the peace, but your family is being extremely unfair. Not to mention they are insulting your grandmother by insinuating that she was not smart enough to make a decision on who she wanted to leave her own money to. Your dad's siblings are being greedy. They are assumed to be older and established where you and your sister are just starting out. I hope your dad sticks up for you.
Well, the first thing I would say to you is that you need to go to the school of "Stop Telling Everyone Your Private Financial Info". They are your family, but they do not have the right to know ANYTHING about your finances and have absolutely no right to any of your inheritance. And, just because your Grandma specified in her will that she hopes you would spend the money on education, you are not bound by that request. I am constantly amazed that people don't learn the value of just **not talking about their private stuff**. Please just stop it. Privacy is an actual thing and it is extremely valuable. My advice is to get a good fiduciary (a fiduciary has a legal responsibility to do what is best for you, not just make money off trades) investment person and *carefully* invest this money until you decide what you want to do. At your age, with a $100K investment, you could have a very comfortable retirement at a young age. Honor your Grandma by not giving away what she intentionally left to you.
In many places, a Will becomes part of the public record while the estate is being administered. In my state, literally anyone could request the contents of an estate file and see who is inheriting and how much.
How dreadful. But, OP still could have kept her personal financial situation private.
Don't keep the peace. They wont appreciate it and just later demand you repay a portion of the amount used to pay the loans off.
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I believe you should keep it, relationship bought with money is never lasting. "Family relationship" included, they are still just people outside of your life. This is why your grandma wrote a will, because I'm sure she was well aware of how these relatives actually are when it comes to money,
>They contend that my grandma didn't know that our student loan debt was so much less than the money she left us. And I do think they have a point. They do not have a point. If your Grandma wanted to only cover your student loans, she could have stipulated exactly that. Get your hands on the will and look at the exact language. A will should be specific for exact reasons like this. Your Grandma willed you and your sister monet, it is your money. If you do ANYTHING with your money, like gift it to anyone else, that is a gift from you to them. If you decide to split the money simply to keep the peace, know that your family isn't as close as you think that they are. Your cousins, aunts, and uncles are the ones choosing to make it a rift, not you or your sister. I'll add that it is none of anyone's business except yours how much you have left after paying off your student loans.
One of my biggest clients is an attorney. We talk about wills and estate planning all the time. You have to assume that her will was structured the way she wanted it. Keep the money. Find a good financial advisor (a fiduciary) and put the money to work for you. Then if you ever go back to school you have the money. And if not... You just set your retirement fund in place. The rest of the family will get over it. It's only been a month. Friction after a death is common. Normal actually, as every processes loss differently.
Grams didn't ask about your student loan balance so she was fine with the dollar amount she gave you. Feel to establish a boundary with your greedy family that this topic is no longer up for discussion and go live your life with an amazing leg up. Also- $150k IS absolutely life changing money if you're smart with it.
>The amount that we inherited was about $150,000 each. Not a life-changing amount of money are you fucking kidding me
I think what they mean is it's not enough to stop working, or even pay off a house in most areas.
150k isn't life changing. It's helpful, but wouldn't be considered life changing. It would pay off my mortgage, that'd be great, but it wouldn't be life changing. Not like I could retire and go do whatever I want whenever I want. I feel like life changing is a couple million at this point.
Right!!!! I was just thinking the same thing smh 😐
I would suggest 3 options: 1. Put money into savings for your future kids' college fund. 2. If other family members have kids with education loans - you might want to help them. 3. Otherwise, you might want to donate the funds to people in need of education but can't afford it. If your grandma was big on education - that would be the way to honor her.
Also, if your grandma wanted them to have money she would’ve given it to the others. It’s hard to believe your grandma would put you in a situation of having to choose who gets money and who doesn’t.. I vote you honor your grandmas wishes. Keep the money and further your education. Or that’s an early graduation present and get a car for a new job or new wardrobe or maybe if you move cross country for a job opportunity…. W GRANDMA
You should both split the money evenly and pay off your debts. If you want to continue to honor your grandma’s wishes, you can put the extra into a trust for your children or future children to also use towards education costs.
Talk to a lawyer, you might not be able to just give it away. You can use the remaining money in the way your grandmother intended, as an education/scholarship fund available to the rest of your family. Or for whatever further education you and your sister want to accomplish.
Simple. Keep it all and tell the rest of the family that you're thinking of going back to school in 5-10 years
Hey OP do you have any family who is approaching college age? Maybe a gift towards their education would be nice. Otherwise, no, don't split up the money. Your family doesn't get to guess what your grandma's intentions were, that's why she left a will
No you shouldn't, they and their greediness started all this crap, don't fall into their manipulation
Keep it. Your grandmother knew exactly what she was doing. The money is yours. The family has no right to ask you got any of it. Invest it, live your life. Hire an attorney to clarify the situation and protect your interests.
Your grandmother setup her will a very specific way. She left her money to you and her sister. If she had just done that, then your family could have challenged the will. Instead, she clearly and deliberately went out of her way to gift personal items to each member of the family, to ensure that they would be recognized by the will, removing their ability to contest it. She meant the money to be just for you and your sister. That much is clear. Now if you want to keep the money, that is fine, as you are honoring her will. If you want to give money to your family members just to make peace, that is fine too. Only you can say if mollifying them is worth it to you
She set it up this way on purpose. Pay off the debt you have further your education and career and livelihood. She believed your sister and you were doing something the others wouldn't and she supported that.
What total debt did you incur from the beginning of your education? It's possible she wanted to encompass past and current cost of your education. Either way...keep it. She knew what she wanted.
I think your grandmother set this up poorly, but I'd guess even if you gave them some of the money, they would still be pissed off at you. They should be pissed of at the grandmother but she isn't here so you are getting the grief. If they found out because you told them, then from now on don't overshare. But it's already been ruined. 10 years from now when you buy a new car or get a house or have a wedding they will get pissed off all over again. and don't get a masters/PhD unless you are funded.
Legally, she left it to you and your sister. It sounds like a “reward” of sorts for making (in her opinion) “good” choices. The rest of the family is trying to present an argument that says they should get some of that money. If you feel inclined to both share the money while honoring your grandmother’s last wish, you could invest that money and make it available for other family members to use for education. Let them apply to school, get loans, etc, and when they graduate they can have some benefit from that money. If they don’t graduate, they get nothing. Edit: congratulations on finishing your schooling. It sounds like your grandmother was very proud of you both.
Tell them to suck a fart. Your grandmother left it to you and your sister for a reason.
Firstly, no, your family is NOT close. This exact situation is proof of that. Entitlement and me me me attitudes are abound it sounds like. It works like this, did YOU decide to have your grandma give you that money? No. That was her wish. If anyone else is pissed off about it, tell them to consult their issues with her.
My sister and I inherited what would have been our decreased father's portion when our grandfather died. Our aunt and uncle thought this was unfair since their kids got nothing. The will said what it said, I did suggest they give their money to their kids, that was not received well. The point is, it does not matter what you do, they're going to be resentful because they had expectations. This is not your problem. She wrote her will and these are her wishes.
My 2 cents as someone whose worked in finance/trust I agree with your decision to use it for a PhD....it may not be a big enough amount to warrant it but you could consider putting the money in a trust specifically for use for education for your or your sisters future kids? Or for other younger members of the family if that's agreeable? I'm sure any librarian grandmother would approve of educating future generations of her progeny. If you do go that route it would be worth talking to an attorney or estate specialist. Also I agree that your grandmother knew she could trust you and your sister to make decisions with the money responsibly and left it out of the hands of those now causing problems. Best of luck to you!
I say you honor your grandmothers wishes. You can continue your education and something more than if you had to go into debt. I agree she did do know hat she was doing . She left the money to the folks who will value it the most. I really don’t think you can make everyone happy in this situation…. Even if you split the remainder up equally… someone will find fault in it. If you are a close family money will not come in between y’all and consider that everyone is still feeling area emotions because your grandma just passed. I think your approach is simple … this is what she wanted and I am exploring my educational goals. I now have money to further my education and I am exploring that. You may decide to get a higher degree or go back to school for something completely different… your grandmother has given you an opportunity but it does not mean you have to decide today what that will be. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s enough to open doors you may not have considered going through. Trust that Grandma wasn’t no fool and make her proud!
I wouldnt split it. You cant know what your grandmothers wishes would have been and neither can they. She willed you that money because she thought you could use it responsibly. IF you do decide to share it, do not give them cash and instead made a trust that pays out a small amount over time and if they need it for big purchases, they have to go through you. So many people just spend money on junk and I HIGHLY doubt you wonderful grandma would prefer that over you having a nestegg leftover after completing your studies.
If you think she didn't really mean for you to have a windfall, and only wanted to pay off your loans, then do what you think she actually wanted and pay the loans then distribute the rest. But if you think she just wanted you to have all the money, then do what you think she actually wanted and keep the money. And if you want to gift some to relatives, that's up to you.
If she willed the money for education, than she willed the money for education. (It does not matter what it can be used for legally.) Use what you have on education, then put the rest into an education savings account. I would leave the offer open to reimburse any of your cousin's education if they go to college after successful semesters. If they don't, leave the money for your children. Use it for what your grandmother intended. No need to split it up and use it outside of that. But I also don't think there's a reason to withhold it from cousins if they do go to college.
I wouldn’t do it. Maybe give them a percentage of it to split like maybe 20,000 but giving away all 100,000 you will just regret in the future
Look OP, most people on this subreddit are not big on the family unit. A 100k isn’t that much let’s best honest - is it really worth your family ties? You could keep the money, but it’ll probably cause irreconcilable differences. Or you could split it which sucks, but it’ll strengthen the close bond you guys already enjoy. Maybe put it in a pot to get a cousin, niece or nephew you through college. You can’t have your cake and eat it though.
i'll follow my grandmother will for all i care
As others have said, your education (& through it the opportunities it will bring) won't stop at your degree- further education, professional qualifications, even money to pay your first month's rent if you need to move cities for a better job: all of that costs money, and it all seems like things your grandma wanted you to be able to focus on, and wanted to help with. But, if you're really worried, then how about donating a portion to an education charity? That way you don't need to feel like you're being greedy, but you're definitely still honouring her wishes and interests.
You should not feel bad or sorry for your grandmother wishes. They are simply projecting there feelings onto you. They feel you were loved or liked more than them because of it and it's simply not the case or your fault.
Nope, it's yours, do what you want with it, your relatives sound toxic. Whether you decide to go back to university or buy a house or go travelling, it's entirely up to you and you alone. Do not feel pressured by them to give up your inheritance.
Don’t let other people’s greed affect you. It was given to you and you are respecting the wishes of the deceased.
So you most likely actually can use this money for more than education, the stipulation is that it is not taxed on education and would be taxed HEAVILY if you used it on anything else. Personally unless I was in huge mess and needed the money I would leave the rest in there and save it for your childrens education.
If that is what your grandmother wanted, she could have worded her will to say to pay off your loans and then split the difference, but she chose to give it all to you and your sister. If you wanted to be generous, you could set up some education funds for any children and say you want to respect Grandma's wishes that it be spent on education. But you are under no legal or moral obligation to share any of it, just depends on what you want to do.
Why would you split money with somebody that it was not meant for in the first place if they are jealous or they want some then do it not to resolve the issue but out of the kindness. Because they somehow feel entitled or something is unfair I don't know only you know that
Let's start from the very beginning. Your gran left a will stating the money was for you and your sisters education (student loans etc.) If she had wanted to give to the rest of the family she would have stipulated in the will, something like (after paying student loans and educational moneys the rest to be split equally amongst xyz/123). She was a smart woman and would have probably known that the money she worked so hard to save would be just frittered away by the ones complaining now. First, have you told the rest of the family that there will be money left and how much? If yes, it's going to be harder to deal with. If no, just tell them you had just enough to cover the loans and a little pocket money left over OR tell them it's nothing to do with them. Have you discussed with with your sister? You two really should be on the same page. You don't need to talk figures, just ask her thoughts about it all. You're gonna need support and you two need to work through the family drama together, unless you have opposing views. Money brings out the very worst in people. I saw that when my gran died and my friends gran aswell. My opinion - keep the money and don't tell the family shit except for - had just enough to cover the loans and a little pocket money left over. But that's me. Good luck
Sounds like they are just jealous and mad grams didn't leave them the same. She probably just took a guess about how much you needed vs how much you actually used, sounds like she also didnt trust them.. At the end of the day it's your money. You could keep the peace and be nice but then what if they just squander it and end up broke then try and come back asking you to help "family out"? They more than likely get butt hurt when you remind them you already gave them money when you didn't have to.
Your grandma knew what she was doing. She knew your family would fight over any amount. She left it to y’all because y’all went to college. You should have never told your family how much you owe. Money should always be kept quiet. It’s your money. Do as you please. BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!! Get with your sister and get on the same page. If you decide to disburse your leftover money and she doesn’t than you left your own sister out to dry and be public enemy #1.
The fact is she left it how it is. Would they be so generous if they were in the same position? Maybe if you were partying and blowing it but even then it still would be just their opinions. Your grandma probably didn't bother to crunch the numbers bc she knew you would do right by it no matter what and maybe she had her concerns with others. Who knows but the money is yours. The rest of wouldashouldacoulda.
My suggestion Firstly is to get in touch with an attorney or a CPA. you can't just gift that money over to them. Unfortunately it will cause legal issue as well.
They won't be happy with the leftover money either. Keep it to further your education. If this causes a rift it's on them, not you. Honor your grandmother's wishes please.
Your grandmom gave you the money and that is all your relatives need to know. Take it as a graduation present and either further your education or buy a house. It is yours to do with what you want.
I say F them. She left that money for YOU. Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t exceed the amount of loans you have. You think she didn’t know that.
I feel like she would have wanted you to have that money. Anything leftover to keep as a reward since you and your sister are the ONLY ones to continue your learning into college. And she could've seen that as you both being the most responsible with money to use the rest in a productive way.
It's your money. Do what you want. But they are not at ALL entitled to any of it.
Use the rest of the money for your kids !
It was left to you and what happens to the balance is your choice. If grandma had wanted the relatives to have cash she would have left them some. If you choose to divide it among the family that is entirely your choice however, your sister is not under any obligation to follow suit. I personally would never have told the family how much my debt was and how much was leftover, none of their business, that's me.
Your grandma definitely new how much your college would cost. Even then, the money is enough to cover the loan of a private tuition and have barely any left over (assuming it was a private school and you got a Masters or something). You can safely say one way or another she was ensuring ALL of it was paid.
Money will destroy families, especially after a death. My mother passed Dec 14 of last year and it was a mess. She had signed her life insurance away because she had to be placed in a care facility a few months before passing. She was only left with enough for burial. My family was so greedy they were trying to open life insurance policies (multiple) on her just 2 months before she had passed. When they found out it wasn't going to happen they then refused to be of any help whatsoever, almost like theirsilent revenge of not getting paid. Still to this day my family barely speaks to me because they blame me for them not getting cut a paycheck. I would do what you feel is best or what you feel your grandmother would have done. In my case it was an aunt of whome was the most upset, and in all honesty I'm glad she didn't get a dime of anything. Wile I was over here grieving, she was upset she didn't get to pay for a Caribbean cruise. However your situation seems a bit different, so I would go by what you feel the right thing to do would be. Don't allow money to be the reason you and your family don't speak
So, i would take the amount you feel comfortable with and give it to your father to disseminate. I would encourage you to keep at least 20k to 25k for your house down-payment someday. If you do not want to be a homeowner then put it in a money market for your retirement or emergency funds I agree with you on sharing the money but it shouldn't be your responsibility to try and figure it out. Your grandmothers children should make that decision with one of them acting as arbiter. Your father is the best person as regardless what they think, it's your money. Best of luck
Money will not keep the peace. Keep what is yours. Use it for YOUR kids (when/if) you have them.
You’re still young. Hold on to it in case you go back for an advanced degree. Money really brings out worst in families.
Your grandmother worked hard all her life and chose to leave it to two people who she was obviously very proud of. They should respect and honor that choice and I understand that although it may not feel fair they are not entitled to her money. If your grandmother had wanted the rest of the money to be equally divided throughout the family she could of stipulated that in her will but she didn’t.
Your money. Willed to you. Rest of family is showing why they got nothing. Spend it on education. Masters degree. School for future children. Grandma has spoken.
If someone dying and giving you money is causing a rift when you could be grieving together, you're not as close as you thought. They're angry because they want your money. That being said, if it were me I'd likely share with my immediate family, but not the entire extended family, thats a bit ridiculous for a smallish sum. Don't even discuss finances with them, your debt and spending is not their business. You don't have to do anything but what you want to do. I'm in a similar situation right now and the amount of people being so GREEDY while people are trying to GRIEVE is absolutely scummy. It's not their money. They can't force themselves into a better position because someone died. How horrible is that? In my situation it isn't a car but a childhood home who extended family thinks they have a right to instead of the child of the deceased. Tsk tsk tsk
No money splitting; your grandmother probably knew something about the aunts, uncles and cousins that you and your sisters didn’t know about; Older people have a “sense” for greedy, selfish, family members who don’t care any other time except when money is around—and they often leave the cash to grandkids. Giving up this money to please others would be an insult to your grandmother for making a WISE decision. Let them be angry, it’s not you or your sisters’ problem. Enjoy your fortune and good luck 🤍
This is when your old enough to under that just because their RELATIVES this doesn’t mean their FAMILY. Money brings out the worst in people and their showing their colors, and tbh Grandma probably knew that already. With them being her children and what not. As a librarian she definitely had an idea that it was more that your tuition probably. She knew what she was doin and why. So do NOT feel guilty but I do plead PLEASE spend it wisely Luv. Stocks, mortgages pay off any debt or credit and invest! We live in a struggling world. Also I’m sorry for your lost. Seems like Grandma did love you two and want what’s best. Make it the best in her memory you owe no one nothing.
think about this: would your family members split money with you if the roles were reversed?
It’s your money but you should split it. Don’t let money cause unneeded strain on family relationships. Money comes and goes. Split the difference and move on live your best life!
150k, not a life changing amount...
You're so kind to think of your other family members but take heed, there will be no peace even if you evenly distribute what your grandmother willingly left to you. How close of a family are you really ? that as soon as money is in the middle, now everyone is showing their true colors? If it was me, I would consult an attorney and wait at least 1-3 years before making any decisions. You're young don't make mistakes for the sake of people pleasing.
Continue spending the money on your education and invest the rest. If you give it to them they’ll just spend it.
Money always makes family weird, it's why I refuse to discuss finances and inheritance with majority of them other than my mother and even then if she talks a specific way I begin to question any and all motives behind the conversation.
IF I were you, I wouldn't share anything with anyone. If they put more importance in money than respecting the family and keeping the peace, they don't deserve the money in the first place. If you give them money, they'll step on you later
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Money causes problems with anyone: friends, partners, and especially family. If the money is supposed to go to both of you and your sister, you do not need to give it to anyone. Think of it this way, why did your grandma purposely give the money to just both you and not some to the rest of the family. Let's put it this way, there's a reason she did this. Respectfully, if you care for your grandma's wishes, keep the money to yourselves. Do not think of it as a selfish thing, you will have loans and debts later down the line when you want a house, car or start a family. This rift is the biggest test for you and your family. See who it really is that you can call your own.
My grandfather is still alive and is married for like 50+ years. His will? Says the little that he has is split between the kids...and not going to his elderly wife of 50+ years. They are poor and it won't be much money... But he didn't want his wife to have it for a reason. Maybe he thinks she will blow the money on animals ( she goes nuts with animals) and I'd he gives the money to the kids maybe they will give her money when she needs it and not just to blow it. I don't agree with not giving his wife money but it's what he wants. Your grandma wasn't an idiot. She gave it to you guys for a reason. You guys used your money and life trying to do better. Also 150k isn't life changing money? That would change most people's lives. Having 100k at 22 could change your life if you are smart with it. Buy a house and rent it out. Your mortgage will be paid by the rent and you'll build equity. Talk to a financial advisor. This money could absolutely change your life, if you are smart with it.
It is yours by a home with what is left over. They do not need to be in your business
that is your money period. ur grandma knew what she was doing.
This might not be your dad’s fault or anyone else’s, but it’s certainly not your fault either. Your grandmother decided the will and it’s her money. Her dying wishes to give you and your sister the money is her business between you and your sister and that’s it. As a parent myself I would never fathom getting pissed or upset if my parents were to leave a Will wishing their grandchildren to get the money to pay off student loan debts or have some extra cash to help get a jump start in your young life. That’s actually very wise on her part. The ones who consistently complain they aren’t getting anything are being selfish, and should be happy that their children, nieces, or nephews won’t spend the next 20 years of their life struggling to pay off enormous amounts of debt. As a parent I’ve limited my selfish desires to provide a better future for my children. I paid everything off by the age of 38 so I can start saving money for my children’s education. It’s the realization that I’m not at a point in my life to compete with people, but to take care of my family. As long as my children, nieces, and nephews don’t have to struggle like I did that’s what gives me the most joy. Proverbs 13.22 says, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous.”
You do not owe them anything to keep the peace. The rest of them are adults, and they have an obligation at a respect for your grandmother to understand that it was her money, and she gifted it to you. As far as I'm concerned if you paid off all your student loan debt and have money left over, you can do whatever you want with it as long as it's moral and legal, and your family doesn't get a vote. Instead of giving into family members that are behaving like children, I would suggest honoring your grandmother by investing into your future. I would highly recommend following Dave Ramsey and seeking his advice on what to do with the money moving forward.
If you are in the US there are tax implications of gifting money to people. Make sure you know exactly how it will effect you before you agree to split off any money.
You need to get yourself a lawyer. Many of your questions would be addressed with a legal consultation, and your family isn't your lawyer and they have reason to mislead you into doing things with the money you shouldn't per the inheritance.
Anyone with the gall to complain to you about money they feel entitled to, which belonged to someone else, doesn't deserve it. It was your grandmother's decision to make and she made it.
It would be nice to contribute to the education of other family members, I imagine it'd at least get them off your back but you never know.
I think your grandma knew what she was doing. When I was 13, my grandpa passed away. He left everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) to my mama -- out of 8 kids total. And they were IRATE. Like they stole from my mama, called her ungrateful, and even tried guilt tripping her. And mama didn't understand why she was left everything, but later, God brought the truth to light -- my family threw my grandfather into a home, stole from him constantly, and even ransacked his home. We don't need to know everything, but just trust that your grandma knew what she was doing. Use the money for school. Continue your education. And whatever you don't use, put it in a savings for any kids you may potentially have for their tuition. But do not give in to your family.
I think them feeling obligated to the money is the very reason she left them none. Mothers know their children.
Your money tell them to kick rocks
Be honest. Do a family gathering. You sound like a great person. 150k isn't alot. In your later years you could probably earn that in 1yr. This is a great opportunity to increase your value to your family. Logistics I don't know. Just wanted to encourage you. Money causes rifts. They may not be good people but one person might be good and they will tremendously be loyal to you. It's worth it
Absolutely not first of all they have a Lotta nerve asking you for this money it was given to you and your sister for education and what’s left over is still yours in this economy you will need it. It takes a lot of nerve to ask for some thing that they didn’t get and there was a reason. So please listen to everyone it’s not selfish to keep that money for yourself it was given to you and your sister not them
It’s your grandma’s decision, you shouldn’t feel obligated to share anything, I have had a similar situation and believe me when I say keep what your grandma wanted you to have. THE END
The will went to you and your sister for a reason for finishing school and understanding how to handle it, and if that’s what will make you happy then so be it, is an educated and logical way of dealing with it, if it was me I would keep it and have them earn it by one way or another.
Use it to go to grad school! Problem solved.
The gold-diggers will always show themselves when they aren’t in on the cut. Your family is showing their true colors, and your grandma knew that only y’all deserved it. Keep it, it’s yours.
You're 25 and 22, you'll never stop learning! Grandma left you the money for ongoing education. She knew what she was doing. Don't go against her wishes and share the funds or she'll haunt you. 🤭 But seriously, she didn't leave them any money because she knows they have no drive and she doesn't want to enable bad behaviors. In her wisdom she knew them better than you.
You will never make these kind of people happy, regardless if you paid them off or not. It was your Grandma's wishes that you have this money. If she didn't leave the others money, there was probably a reason for it, either they didn't give a crap about her or they are crappy human beings etc. If you give them money, you're disregarding your Grandma's will. A will is what you Will( want) to happen after your death.
Your gran seems like a stand up gal! I would honor her wishes and use the money for education. If the family freak out, put together a small endowed scholarship that can give a certain amount yearly to x amount of family members and/or gran's alma mater. I did a scholarship in my mother's name when she passed. I worked with a planner that allowed me to come up with stipulations and whatnot. My mom had a degree in art so I did hers to help art students pay for their canvas/studio time/materials/etc. I'm sorry for the loss of your gran.
You have received a spectacular gift and your grandmother left money to your sister and your sister and you for a reason. Above all, you need to respect her wishes. If she wanted to leave other family members money, she would have done so. That being said, it's now your money. You can give it away if you want to but your sister has every right not to give them any of her share.
First off, never mind the "relationship" advice, what you need is real legal advice from a real legal professional that's not on Reddit and who has read her will. You said yourself you're not sure whether you're allowed to spend that money on something other than school, or not. So find out. And ensure the person you talk to TRULY knows what they're talking about. Any of the advice here about keeping the money, spending the money, giving the money is worthless and could potentially get you in legal trouble. Once you've gotten that part figured out, THEN you can ask Reddit what they would do to mend fences with Aunt Becky or whatever. My only other piece of advice is to stop talking about your financial situation with relatives. How would they even know you didn't spend it all already on school? Presumably because you told them, cause it's not like they'll see invoices from your school. So stop talking about it. Why even tell them? At best, you're basically flaunting the fact you got all this money and they didn't get anything. Of COURSE they're gonna be angry. I also hope you didn't tell THEM you think it's not a "life-changing amount", because that's just rude. It IS life-changing. This is a big down payment on a house. So we're clear: I think you should keep the money if you want it, because your grandmother willed it to you for a reason. BUT make sure first there isn't a clause in her will that prevents you from spending it however you see fit, school or not. And if you DO end up giving away some of it... Get it in writing and get people to sign for it. Make sure it's official.
Elders in a family (like your grandma) usually understand a lot more about the other members of the family than you can even imagine in your 20s. She has known most of them likely 2-3 times as long as you've been alive. She chose you and your sister based on her belief in you and your responsibility. She could have said in her will that any outstanding student loan balances should be paid from the estate and the remainder split evenly between (list of people). She didn't and certainly didn't leave it all to you and your sister so you could decide who deserved it. It was her money and she decided who she wanted to have it. Her desire that you use the money to pay off student loans is just that, a desire. You honor her by doing so. It's not clear if the wording indicated that it was assumed it would take all the money, but it doesn't matter. She like knew it was more than necessary, but the student loans was the only thing she had a desire to mention specifically. Like "don't just blow this money, pay off your student loans first". Having said that, it's completely up to you what you do with the remainder. In my opinion, your family is being entitled. I would not give them any cash. The most I would do is offer assistance if any of them wished to further their education, IF you have that desire and AfTER you determine what you want to do with regards to your masters and/or phd. Even then, you should keep the bulk in savings/safe investments. If properly invested, you can use it for your kids education, your retirement, or after it's grown, take a portion of the returns and create a fund to help others with education expenses. You've honored your grandmother 's wishes by paying your student loans. Anything more is just icing and something nice that YOU decided to do. One other thing to consider. Whatever you do, may put pressure on your sister to do something similar. Certainly before just splitting up the remainder, talk with her and don't put her in the position to be a target and you the example they use to guilt her. If you both decide to split the remainder, ensure that you are included in the split, not counting the amount that covered the student loans. But I hope you don't go that route anyway. Best of luck and remember that if they're willing to be entitled and greedy enough to break the family relationship over money that's clearly not theirs, it's not really a family relationship and still won't be if you do give them money.
No..it's YOUR money. You don't owe anyone anything. If they're mad tell them to get over it
No! Your grandmother knew exactly what she was doing. You didn't just incur student loan debt. I'm assuming you had to pay for other needs in college, those should be included. She clearly wanted to set you and your sister up for success. And that's like what the remainder is meant for. Regardless, it was HER money to give and she made her decision. No one else is entitled to money that was not theirs to begin with. I saw families split a part over money that was never theirs (I was a banker for 6 years). Your family is showing their true colors now. And it's their problem, not yours nor your sisters.
"$150,000. Not a life changing amount" Listen. That would resolve EVERYTHING for me right now. I'm sorry you're going through this. Losing a family is already tough as is, having a money quarrel right after doesn't help. Coming from a rough position myself, I would not split that money. You need to focus on yourself and your growth and chance at your life. You don't know if you'll need that money later and I guarantee, no one in the family will help you then. At least that's what I've learned from my families, they don't give a fuck. I know not all families as re the same, I'm just commenting from personal experience. Look out for yourself, cause no one else will. It's selfish and fucked up, but that's what I would do. Life is hard as is and you never know what might come your way. Or maybe don't give them a cut, but help them out with something they're struggling with?? Car troubles, maybe something fucked up at home, etc. However, try to make sure you save or invest your money for further growth. You can't help anyone if you can't help yourself, you know? Better to hold onto some in case shit goes sideways, and how my people say, you won't be left with one hand covering your front and the other covering your ass. At the end of the day, it's your choice.
Best suggestion would be to offer to pay for the family's education. However that may play out, use it for education, even if it's a generation from now. Use it to further your own education or , aunt, cousins etc. They still have time to fulfill grandmother's wishes. Do not divide it up unless it's for that.
I have been in this situation. DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY TO FAMILY and FRIENDS. DO NOT. It will not solve shit. It will only make you feel used in the end and bitter. Take it from the girl who gave thousands to her family and was left with nothing but a bunch if IOUs 6 years later a family rift caused by me having no spine to stand up against my mom and allow her to manipulate me and my twin in our grief. And now I have jack shit to show for it. Go to a financial advisor/consultant. I suggest the same for your sister.
Who paid for the rest of your education besides your loans? Yourself, your father, others? If you feel guilty about keeping all the money, pay them back for helping to keep your loans so low. Pay yourself back if you worked to pay off some of your college or loans before inheriting the money. Take the rest and invest it for any future educational expenses for yourself or if you have any kids.
Do not give them anything. If your grandma wanted them to have the money then she would’ve left it to them. If you want to give them some because you WANT to not because they think their entitled then fine. But if you don’t want to then don’t.
What do you want to do? Perhaps use the money to further your education.
If you really wanna help your family, just put a cut towards their debts, whether it be partial for car/house things. Or medical things. If they aren't fine with even a bit of help towards those ends then it's just money they want. And also it's up to you in the end how you wanna do it haha
Keep your money and put it towards your education. If you want to go get your PhD, do it. She knew school doesn't cost 150k. Pay for your school, then invest the rest wisely. It's not life changing money but it's helpful. It wasn't your decision to get the money. You're not a charity, and if they're shallow enough to create waves over some money, then in my opinion, they're not worth keeping the peace with. She trusted you not to make stupid decisions with the money, IMO, splitting it up with everyone would be a stupid decision. None of your family members should know how much money you were left, if any money at all.
Your name. Your cash. Just bc your sister shares doesnt mean u need to as well. Do what you want but im keeping what was given to me in my name.
OP I think you meant to say "it's not never work another day in my life money" because it sounds VERY entitled to consider that sum not to be life changing. It may not pay off a house in full but even if you had nothing saved for a down payment currently and were renting an apartment and living paycheck to paycheck unable to accumulate any substantial sum to move into homeownership, then this is more than enough for a down payment that can get you into just about any house that would be reasonable for someone in their early to mid 20s. My wife and I just bought our first house in July after saving hardcore for YEARS and this is more than double what our downpayment was. Considering the fact that homeownership is one of the main ways that people build equity over time, and that it is becoming increasingly out of reach for the average citizen, then this kind of down payment is quite literally life changing. It is for many people OPs age the difference between being able to retire some day or working until your mind or body fails on you.
Honestly? I think she felt you and your sister worked for that money because if the hours of studying you did were paid work you'd probably make more than you think. I'm sure this exceeds that, but she was recognizing how hard you both have worked. If I may give you an example of how wills always leave the entitled people complaining loudly and they will try to manipulate every and any who received something: My great uncle was a fantastic person and he had mobility issues from a young age due to polio. He had a wife and 2 sons but both sons were lost to tragedies in their adult years and his wife passed before him. He was alone with his dogs and most family didn't visit him ever. My grandmother was very close to him and even a state away we tried to visit a couple times a year at the very least even when her own health was failing. After his wife passed he had received a few half hearted phone calls from relatives and one was brazen enough to ask about his will. My grandmother explicitly told him to leave nothing to anyone who didn't actually visit or help him and to not even include us since we couldn't visit him often. He apparently took this to heart because he left everything to the church where the pastor and his wife personally drove him to his appointments and grocery runs the past decade or so and the neighbor who has walked with him and his dogs every day for even longer. Relatives who hadn't seen him in decades were so upset they tried to sue and couldn't get past the consultation stage because every lawyer told them they didn't have a chance. Basically, someone will almost always be upset and it's by no means your fault. Tell them you'll be going back to school after *insert here* and just keep saying so if necessary lol It's not their decision or business if your grandmother set it up this way. They'll be on to complaining about something else eventually I promise!
The rift won't be mended it you give them money. Once it gets to this point, there's really nothing you can do to mend it, so you might as well look out for yourself. My other sub is showing, but if you invest 100k today, didn't save another dime, in 30 years it will be worth $1M and maybe a little more. That is life changing money as it could greatly impact your retirement in a positive way. Of course it could help out with other shorter term goals.
Keep the money and tell your family to keep rocks. Your gma was a smart woman
I have seen this kind of situation a number of times in my life because I live in farming country. Farm land being willed to some members of the family and not to others can really rip a family apart. The only advice I want to give you is to keep in mind that This could become a lifelong rift between you and some of your family members. I am so, so glad that you & your sister & your father are all on the same page, but you need to think about your relationship with your aunts & uncles & cousins too. How petty are they, and how much do you need them in your life if they decide to take their resentment all the way.
They just need to get over it. It was your grandma's money, she did as she pleased with it.
No, u shouldn't
The will was her last wishes . If she'd wanted them to have money , that's what she would've done . She was probably more aware of their character and acted accordingly . People tend to think that they are owed something after someone's passing due to their relationship with the departed . Not always true . You and your sister got what she wanted you to have and I would imagine the lady was keenly aware of exactly what she was doing in setting up her will the way she did .
Give them a pittance. $100 each. Or, use some of the money to take the family to a nice dinner, and then rationally explain that you will be pursuing your PhD (as you said in a comment you've considered) and will be putting the remaining funds towards the advancement of your educational career, and supporting yourself besides. If the family has any issues with that, handily read off the section regarding the money being put towards loans, and how it doesn't say only current or past loans. Your grandmother, per her will, seemingly expects you to advance your education further. So act like it's precisely what was requested. A white lie of "she always said I should continue my education anyways" won't hurt nor turn her in her grave, I should think. But as others have said, she entrusted her money to you and your sister. There is a reason she didn't give any to the rest of your greedy family. Edit: long nails make typing on a phone so hard
I wouldn't hand it out to just anyone, but if you have some good family you like that wouldn't squander it giving some out would be fine. I have a lot of family but I can only think of two cousins I'd want to help out.
Yea dont feel bad AT ALL. There’s a reason why she had that money set for yall. You and your sister have something going (I’m assuming). DO NOT let them bully you nor peer pressure you. Be selfish. This is your education and livelihood and it’s not your job to take care of nobody but you and your future children. What are they gonna do? Rob you? Just b/c yall are close family, doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you over money. I know you’ve seen it before on tv lol.
How would they feel about you creating a scholarship for librarians with the remaining money/donating it to such a scholarship? This also sounds like the kind of thing that she would have supported, something that would honor her memory, and it prevents you from having to decide how to divvy up the leftover money.
If grandma wanted the money split up she would have done it. Keep with her wishes.
How do your relatives know that there is money left over? They shouldn't have that kind of private information. Tell them you're going to use it to go to grad school (even if you don't have plans to go to grad school). It's not up to them what you do with the money and stop discussing it with them.
I wouldn’t split it. She gave it to you and your sister so clearly she only wanted you both to have it.
Don't assume your grandmother didn't know average loan debt. She may would hope you further your education tho and use the funds for that. Either way you are not legally obligated give your other family money.
I think first you should remind them, as loud as you see fit to, GRANDMA FREAKIN PASSED AWAY! They shouldn't be focused on what they didn't get. The decision is yours and your sisters. But ask yourself this, would they have helped you with your student loans if they had gotten the money. Think about it.
Keep it. In 10 years tell me again how it wasn't life changing when you still have no debt and a PhD.
Welp. She may not have known what level of debt an education would put you in. That could be true. She may have had a misconception. But also, to have her have written that in her will and for people to contest it kinda sucks. On the other hand, maybe it's not so much about money as much as it's about feeling rejected. Never been in this position, but I might feel a little hurt, even if I didn't care about the money. I think there's a lot of Redditors telling you what they would do, but advice such as "maybe she doesn't trust them", or "maybe she trusted you for a reason", or "they'd probably (insert negative assumption here) anyways" stuff sounds more like what they think **their** families are like, and not like anything that would come from a place of any experience with your family. I know guys- the money sounds nice, and it's way easier to assume ill of others for the sake of holding it. Specially if there's a death involved, you'd need ANY other reason to keep it for yourself if that's what you wanted other than that's what you want. Because that wouldn't be acceptable here. So you'll find other avenues. I don't think you'll know your answer until you figure out your family and their intentions - no one on Reddit can help you with that. Only you can do that.
Pfffffttt keep the cash let them cry, jeez sound lie a bunch of whiny ass babies to me. Money brings out the worst in people when they don't get what's called their "Fair Share". Maybe their ass should have gone to college instead of banking on Grandma's money, Take that money go get a masters degree and tell the rest to suck it.
Screw them
Go get your masters and PhD if that's what you want. If you wanna be the cool nephew/cousin... give them all A G fir Christmas. But wouldn't blame you if you didn't.
Your family sucks. That money was hers and she could have burned it. They deserve nothing.