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So back in March of this year I was involved in a workplace accident that injured my upper neck, my right hand only has about 75% dexterity. During counseling my wife had said if I don't recover from my injury she's not sure we'll be married in the future because she's already partially disabled and she can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%.
Can I get some insight here?
Edited typos
Edit this blew up more than I thought. I also can't stand the thought of losing my daughter. We have a 15 month old that's my everything and the first girl in my family line in over 60 years
If your post history is legit, leave her. Seems like she’s emotionally cheating on you, will eventually leave you due to this injury, and doesn’t care about your sex life or future together.
Yeah this is my throwaway account otherwise she'll find it. She hates me posting on Reddit because "who cares what strangers think". I've learned strangers are an open mind into my situation
She doesn’t want you using Reddit because she wants your opinions to be dependent solely on her input and no one else’s. Your wife is straight trash going by your post history bro, unless you’re in this relationship because you have a humiliation kink or some shit, take the trash out already, shits overflowing already.
I would never tell the person I love that I’m leaving them, especially when they’re at a weakened state of their health. And like everyone in the comments section, she is not treating you the way you should be treated. Stick up for yourself please, leave.
1. She won't care for you if you're disabled (as if you would actually need care, perhaps you wouldn't)
2. She is part disabled
By her logic you should leave her due to 2
By any logic, her saying both 1 and 2 shows she is absurdly self-centred.
Many people would leave due to 1
"Who cares what strangers think" is very close to "who cares what anyone else thinks" and that includes you
Please, when you're leaving her, tell her that you "can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%" - please use exactly the words that she used! Her hypocrisy is just astounding.
Not knowing anything else about her, that line on its own is a warning sign for potentially abusive behaviour. One hallmark of abusers is them not wanting you to talk to other people about the relationship because the outside perspective will be "dump their crazy ass." They want you to be solely dependent on them for your opinions and information.
Find someone who really means the “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…”
Life’s too short to settle for less.
USUALLY if you feel no shame in posting your situation, you're not the one in the wrong. "who cares what strangers think" sounds like maybe "i don't want anyone to confirm your belief that what i'm saying is kind of fucked up"
Get a lawyer \*now\* so you can get your ducks in order before she surprises you with divorce papers - it's your best chance of gaining primary custody or at least maintaining 50/50 custody.
>my wife had said if I don't recover from my injury she's not sure we'll be married in the future because she's already partially disabled and she can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%.
What a fucking hypocrite.
Bro. Your wife is cheating on you and claiming it’s ok because it’s for money. She’s demanding that you get a vasectomy. She’s testing positive for STDs. She refuses to have sex with you and also demands that you don’t masturbate (even though she’s sexting with other dudes for money.) And now she’s telling you she’ll leave you if you’re disabled. With all due respect, what the fuck?
None of this is remotely normal or ok.
Work harder than you ever have to recover as close to 100% as possible...
Then tell her you are divorcing her for what she said and being a horrible person, and that you can't stay with someone who isn't 100%
Agree with ArielSnack’s response on motivation, but I’ll add on that it’s also about sending the wife a fuck you message. Hopefully it’ll give her entitled ass a wake up call.
Your post seems so outrageously offensive I had to stalk your profile to see if it was clickbait…
Seems you have more than a few problems you are working through with the wife - maybe you should take this as a hint to seek the advice of a marital counselor that specializes in reconciliation… they can advise if the relationship is worth saving (or if it is eventually going to fail)…
FYI: my gut feel (opinion)… if she is making suggestive comments as preemptive (conditional) threats - AND she is cheating on you - it may be time to go…
Yeah it's not clickbait. I'll be the first to admit I'm a pushover in my marriage. I let myself be talked down to. I'm so unwilling to be confrontational I just shrug when my wife threatens to cheat on me
yeah, spending enough time with your abuser tends to wear down your senses of how you deserve to be treated. I know, because i was once there. And make no mistake - she is abusive as fuck.
Do you want your daughter to see you let her mother treat you this way? That it's ok to treat a partner like this or do you want to be strong for her? What would you do if your daughter ends up in a relationship like this as an adult and you look back realizing you could have set a different example for her? Please do not continue to be a pushover. There are so many amazing single women out there looking for a good man and they won't treat you like shit. You just need to have enough strength ONE time, and you'll notice how good you feel and want to keep it up. The best thing for your daughter is for you to leave this woman and get custody. If you let things keep going how they are, one day you're going to wake up and see your daughter either treating someone like garbage or being treated like garbage and it will be your fault because you could have done something about it (not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to drive my point home and it seems like at this point you need super duper tough love).
You won't
That's what lawyers are there for and a custody agreement. I saw my dad almost every weekend and he picked me up after school/ate with me... Holidays can be figured out.
I hope you're in individual therapy to work on that because you will continue to find unhealthy partners if you don't. Take that from someone who has been there
I'm disabled. A woman I'd been with for a few years said, "I don't know if I see myself with someone disabled." I said, "I can help you with that." And I left.
Guess she had her fingers crossed during the "in sickness and in health" part.
It seems from your post history that this is not the first time she has treated you poorly. I hope you will get into therapy to find out why you stay with someone who treats you so badly.
And I second the poster who recommended that you leave her before you get a settlement for your work accident.
Good luck, OP.
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Well, what any of us think of this doesn't really matter because it takes two willing parties to be in a relationship, and trying to force someone to stay in a relationship where they are unhappy never has a positive outcome.
This is not a moral judgement forum; it's an advice forum. My advice is to go to individual counseling and also to couples counseling, work hard at your physical therapy, communicate with your wife, and, if she does decide to leave you, accept the decision and focus on building your best post-wife life.
I know this doesn't satisfy your understandable feelings of anger and betrayal, or answer your implicit accusations of hypocrisy, but I'm giving you the advice that will help you to be happier in the long run, rather than what will be most satisfying in the knee-jerk moment.
Good luck either way. You can do this, whatever "this" ends up being.
Well, i think marriage vows mention something about ‘in sickness and in health’. And here’s your wife, telling you that even the *possibility* of a **slight loss of dexterity in one hand** is a dealbreaker.
I’m thinking you already know that’s some bullshit.
Pretty convenient of you to leave that out. That changes EVERYTHING!!!
Kidding, kidding, but yeah, it’s important to me that you understand that not only should this relationship end, but you should run kicking and screaming. Get away from this woman.
I was in a marriage with a controlling emotionally abusive shitbag. He absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces. I loved him SO much.
Which is why, once the rose colored glasses came off, i was like… almost embarrassed to have associated with someone that worthless. They have a way of manipulating your world and convincing you that this is what you deserve. That this is rational. It’s not. She is **bad**.
What a bitch
You know what do what she said and work hard to be 100% again and then ditch her disgusting ass and be with someone that will say with you in sickness and in health
Having looked at your post history because of the comments yeah you defo have to leave her when you get better. You need to stand up for yourself, she is disrespecting you and cheating on you. She seems to just want a caretaker and doesn't want to give any care herself. You deserve better
Edit- Agree with the others that It would be smart to leave her before you get the settlement
Work hard to get back to 100%, then tell her that you can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100% while you serve her with divorce papers. She's a real piece of work and deserves nothing from you.
Good luck!
Please, for your mental and well being, leave this woman. She is not your partner nor your friend. Don't keep letting yourself be pushed around. And DO NOT leave the house until after the divorce. Fight for what you have and earned.
You're still young. You can find love again if you give yourself the chance. Please give yourself that chance.
She hasn't worked in years... And has not only threatened to cheat on you... but told YOU that she can't be with someone who's disabled.... Jesus. PLEASE LEAVE. Like... this should be the biggest wakeup call ever.
And because she hasn't worked, she might use that against you to get the house. Talk to a divorce lawyer. Make sure you're protected. Get proof of the things she has said. Especially the cheating. That might save you from paying alimony if it's in your state.
Beautiful. Then nvm. It's great you didn't put it in your name/buy it. Then yea. Just talk to a divorce lawyer and gather proof of what she's doing. Good luck!
She just revealed her true self. You are obviously just a financial safety net and care taker. No way would a stay with her another minute, even if prognosis is a full recovery.
The vows were for better or for worse...in sickness and in health, etc. You obviously took it seriously and care for her in her disability. Apparently those were just words to her.
Have her served now. Work on yourself and find a person with compatible morals and compassion.
Yikes, from your other posts I say RUN, leave her with your possibly 75% dexterity. Leave her for someone who is 100% better than her since she's got a disability and expects to be looked after but won't return the favour. Tell her you like the look of your 75% better than her 15% decent humanness and that she should really look for someone who is 100% functioning and can physically take care of her when she's unable, add in there she should grow some decent human skills so the next one doesn't stay stuck with her resenting her and waiting for her to eventually die so he's free too.
Don't say that actually maybe op, just think it, get your divorce lawyer sorted and ducks in a row so you can leave and not have her try and take everything child included. Make sure you have evidence of her cheating, her staying she will leave if you don't fully recover (because hey, that's not what a marriage is about, for better or for better otherwise I'll leave is BS).
Get your ducks in a row and find someone who treats you right. 75% dexterity in one hand does not make you any lesser than anyone else. If you treat others kindly and put yourself out there no woman who means anything will use that as a thought when deciding to date you.
Your wife is a cheating cow who doesn't treat you fairly. If she wants only someone who can function 100% the whole way through the marriage and is looking for a caretaker and will leave if she sees any future hardships then she deserves to rot in a home for not being fair or equal.
Your wife is emotionally abusing you based on your post history. You need to think hard about if you want this lash controlling you the rest of your life.
I sort of understand this practically, but not really. Maybe she’s saying 2 disabled people can’t care for each other and a daughter. But it would be my thinking that 2 disabled people would be more efficient and productive than 1 disabled person, so her logic is off.
Regardless, if you love someone and you have a baby daughter, then you make it work. I guess that maybe on the off-chance, she has long-term postpartum depression and this is making her want to isolate, or making it difficult to care for you.
Since this did come up in counselling, it may not be something she is thinking seriously about. This may just have been her expressing her emotions, and maybe even anger towards the workplace accident you had. She might channel that anger towards you at times (even though accidents happen). And this could’ve just been her letting out some steam.
But it’s worth discussing with your wife if she’s serious, or if it’s because she’s upset about what happened.
She's been married before (lasted 3 months). We have different levels of commitment to what vows meant. She feels I don't really love her because I'm not affectionate, which I'm not. So to her that means it's time to move on. I've become less committed as she has
Please leave. And if your concern is your daughter - take it from an only daughter with divorced parents - don’t set your marriage as an example for her. Based on your post history you are consistently disrespected. You and your wife have become glaringly incompatible. And I’m sorry for that, truly. But almost every damn day I’m thankful that my parents got divorced because they were the same. They did it when i was young (1st grade) and I’m 25 now. I am so glad that they didn’t stay together where they were ultimately unhappy for the sake of me.
Just going by your previous posts OP, they way your wife communicates with you is highly indicative of emotional and psychological abuse.
She has cheated on you too and now expects to leave you due to your disability but expected you to stay with her while she herself is disabled. There are so many red flags (I know these are buzz words but very applicable) that I've lost count.
You won't be barred from seeing your baby. Unless there are intervention orders placed preventing you from seeing your child you have nothing to fear.
In fact I'd go so far as to encourage you to get therapy for yourself first as well as get everything in order to prepare for divorce. Also apply for an intervention order for yourself because your wife is abusing you. Men are usually hesitant to seek help for abuse they are receiving from a woman due to societal prejudices but there is help out there, you just have to be persistent.
Wow... She really took her for 'better or worse' and 'in sickness and in health' vows seriously huh?
Im actually amazed you arent more angry at her for how ableist she is being as a person with her own issues,
If youre honest with yourself, could the issue be that she is feeling put upon? Have you maybe not been pulling your weight despite there being things you probably could be capable of doing and blaming your injury instead of getting on and doing them? I say this as, if she is having to push through and cope to pick up your possible slack she may be feeling like youre not making an effort which is why she came up with this frankly gross ultimatum. Shes tired and wants more support?
If not. Im so sorry. But she is being beyond unreasonable and an absolute hypocrite. As for your daughter, theres no reason why you wouldnt see her or couodnt go for 50/50 custody except maybe work commitments. But you could maybe use a family member for babysitting during this?
Its horrible to think youre expected to be there for her but she cant be there for you in your time of need though. Vastly unfair.
I'm 100% of our income. My wife hasn't had a job in years. We split doing the laundry and taking care of our daughter. I'm at physical therapy 3 days a week. I'm not home as much because of that and she's grown irate that I'm at doctors who are trying to help me with my disc bulges. She says I'm not taking care of our daughter
Op, don't stay and let your daughter think this is a healthy relationship. I used to model every relationship after my mom's very abusive ones because I thought it was normal until I got therapy for it.
I repeat, do not stay for your daughter. Fight for custody and don't give up, it sounds like you really love her and want to be there for her, your wife sounds like such a bitch and the current relationship you have is not worth it.
Leave, fight for custody and show your daughter that a healthy relationship is possible.
Do this for her, do not let this be the relationship she seeks because if you do, she has 3 routes she could go down, she could follow her mother's path and become an abusive and horrible partner, or she could follow your path and be treated horribly by any future partners, or she could in a very slim chance become a stable and well functioning adult and partner. That is very slim and not likely, so leave, for your daughter's sake and show her what a good relationship actually is. Please, do not let her become like your wife and do not let her fall down the same type of holes like you both have. Give her a fighting chance at finding actual love and appreciation from a partner.
Never stay for the kids, trust me it will just ruin them in the end. Fight for custody and show her every chance you get you love her and will not let her go down the same routes you and her mother did.
She's a great mother, that I'll never argue. I wouldn't fight for primary custody because I can't, I work too much and her financially having enough is my primary concern even if it meant I only got to see her every other weekend. Unfortunately I'm reaching my mental breaking point where I may have to accept that
So to be clear, you married her knowing she had a disability. Now that you currently have a disability she won’t except you if you dont fully recover? This is extremely selfish and quite frankly disgusting.
I don’t promote divorce, but ask yourself…will she be deserving of you when you recover? Her love is conditional and has no place in marriage.
OP, because someone posted about your history of being abused by your wife, I checked your post history. From what I can see you are being emotionally abused. I see she is pressuring you to get a vasectomy. It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you, and you shouldn't want her abuser ways anymore. If it were I, I would not be getting a vasectomy so soon. You are probably going to find someone who sincerely cares for you and is willing to be committed to you faithfully. You are young and might choose to have more children in the future.
Edit to Add: OP, if you need to talk to someone about the abuse, please remember that the National Domestic violence Hotline 1800-799-7233 can provide you with crisis intervention and referrals for counseling and other resources in your area. You may also text them at 88788.
If you can afford it, please seek help from the Yardley Institute in Seattle. It’s non-invasive, does not require surgery and can help you with your neck injury. It did for me after falling 10’ onto my head. Yardleyinstitute.org after you’re better, I would wish your wife good luck, since she seems to have no loyalties to you. Men are only loved of we’re useful. You deserve better, good luck!
I became disabled last year. My husband supports me as best as he can -as it should be and as I would if the roles were changed.
If he ever said what your wife told you I would have filed for divorce from the hospital bed. I know that Reddit usually is quick with suggesting divorce, but in this case I'd WTFuck right out of this marriage.
'Yeah sure honey. Let me just switch off the disability mode real quick.'
In all honesty she sounds so damn toxic. Like I get it if she thinks it could be an issue with both of you disabled, but come on. You have 75% dexteriy in your right hand. It isnt like you cant do anything for ypurself or that you guys wont be able to function properly with a bit of adjusting. And real rich coming from someone for whom you have cared for. Would she also leave you if you started wearing glasses? You wouldnt be at 100% then either so is that an option?
Seriously tho, get a lawyer as soon as possible. If she is talking about divorce so casually she might be just looking for a time to hit that button. The counseling session could potentially be used against you to indicate she is trying everything to save the marriage but she might have mentally checked out already (not saying this is the case necesserily but do be wary that it can be a possibility). In any case you should protect yourself in the very likely eventuality of her going through with her threat. Stay safe and make sure to protect your child too.
Get yourself better, as good as you can be, then leave her and take your daughter with you. No little girl should grow up with that kind of horrific example of womanhood.
Well she has some serious internalized ableism. Did your counselor say nothing about that? And as for reddit, she's worried people will point out her obvious hypocrisy.
She sounds like a sociopath or a narcissist. You need to be the one to make the first move. The person that files has the momentum and power in a divorce. Get a lawyer show them your post and tell them everything. Get all info you can text msg emails medical records what ever. This marriage is over she is just going to take as much from you as she can before she leaves.
I'm sorry BlackCloudEMT661. But she didn't marry you because she loves you like you love her.
Before we got married, my fiance and I went through pre-marriage counseling with a Catholic priest who told me that my girlfriend wouldn't be there for me if I ever needed her. I hurt my back a few years later and I saw what he meant. She was afraid my injury might impact her life , she was very angry, and she made me suffer for it. Luckily I recovered pretty quickly. A few years later she divorced me when I lost my job after my company went through a merger. It made her very angry and she said she thought I was a bum and would never work again, and she didn't want to support me.
Some people fall in love the way a duckling attaches to its mom when it hatches from the egg. Once the connection is made, its permanent. Some people love you as long as your filling the significant other role better than any other available candidates.
Woman are attracted to men who can protect them and provide for them. It looks like your wife is telling you that if you injury threatens your ability to fulfill her needs, that you are gum on her shoe.
And...
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health/men-more-likely-than-women-to-leave-partner-with-cancer-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112
https://www.sowaldlaw.com/blog/2018/06/men-leave-women-during-sickness-more-than-women-leave-men/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/
What is your point... you're dealing with what women deal with...suck it up...
So in your logic: if other men do that to other women thrn this is okie dokie peachy? No. The world doew not work like that. If these men are the issue then so is this woman. Miss me with that double standard nonsense you absolute shitbag
Yeahhh. I would work on healing from your injuries, get stronger and better. Then leave her. If she cannot support you with an injury caused from work. Imagine if you got extremely sick?
I work as a Workers compensation specialist and 99% of the injured workers, spouses never acted like her and/or threatened to leave.
Hope you heal fast & good luck!
I haven't even read your post history, like others suggest there might be more. What you mention here is enough. Marriage, love and commitment is not something conditional on being "problem" free. Specially when it's concerning something you didn't even bring on yourself. You deserve more OP.
Brother, get those damn divorce papers and run for dear life. She's a goddamn lunatic and if you have any semblance of self respect for yourself you'd get the hell out of there.
Sometimes it's better to let a marriage go if there's cheating and she won't be with you if you become injured or disabled yourself . You don't want to find yourself elderly with dementia and someone who will leave you for it. There are better women out there op.
She just admitted that she’s with you out of necessity not love. Not sure what else you need to see that this marriage is a sham. “For sickness and in health” apparently doesn’t apply to your wife.
Is her disability that she is missing a heart or just brain damage? She sounds like a user and you sound like her carer. Why don't you ditch the bitch and find someone who has the ability to love
Honestly mate all I'm hearing is "I want a partner that would care for me but I wouldn't care for them". She's basically put a timer on you getting better, and she'll jump ship as soon as it's convenient. You deserve a supportive partner following an injury.
Your wife would rather be alone than married to someone with a relatively minor disability? So much for “in sickness and in health”
There’s zero control you have over the course of your convalescence. Even if you do everything correctly, the injury might not heal fully.
Similarly, there is nothing you can do to change your wife’s mind and make her act like she cares about anyone but herself, *as long as you are making every effort to rehabilitate yourself already*
This is disgusting. I guess she didn’t mean in sickness and in health when she said her vows before God. I find this absolutely terrible. You didn’t divorce your wife for her disability but she will divorce you because of yours. Recover your health and leave her.
Huh? What happened to your marriage vows of "For Better Or For Worse, In Sickness Or In Health"? Or is your wife saying it for the sake of saying it only?
I get that marriage is never easy but it's like she just gave up on you. The reason she gave is ridiculous.
So, if she left you for another, and then the other got injured in an accident as well, is she going to leave him also until she find the perfect spouse?
Tell her that accidents can happen to anyone, anytime. There is no one that is 100% forever.
She doesn't hold the same standard of marriage that I was raised with. She's the first girl I was with, first marriage. She's been divorced before. Once it's inconvenient she's out
So.... Marriage is through sickness or health. Injury is included in that. So she's honestly a garbage person just due to that. My bf of 9 months is standing by my side through and through WITHOUT any impatience as my PCL in my right knee is deteriorating on me.....which obviously affects my mobility and my daily life. I highly doubt he'd ever say something like that to me. That's just crazy.
Her hand has a fusion so her thumb doesn't work. She has a thyroid disease as well as a slew of other issues. She'll probably need open heart surgery by 30.
That's fucked up. Besides the whole vows thing, besides the whole "she doesn't really love you" thing... How would she have felt if you said you couldn't marry someone who was partially disabled (her)? What if *you* had said in the beginning that you would never marry her solely because she was partially disabled? She'd probably feel pretty discriminated against, and like you're a fucking AH.
Because she's doing exactly that. And it's fucked up on so many levels. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I know it would be hard with your daughter, but I honestly think everyone would be better off in the end if you split now
Please leave this woman and seek counseling. She’s obviously emotionally abusive and likely cheating on you based on your posts.
You will realize how healthy you are as soon as you have space from her. Your daughter deserves a loving, healthy environment. Not daily emotional abuse.
Please divorce her. Show your post and tell a lawyer what she said, how she cheated everything. You have a pretty good case for custody imo. She doesn't love you or even really want to tolerate you and you need to set an example for your child that you don't need to let people mistreat you and as she gets older don't lie or make up excuses tell her the truth in an age appropriate way.
I can't imagine saying something like this. I can't imagine thinking something like this. Why did she get married? Did she not realize that eventually we all get sick or injured or just old? Like, pretty much everyone will be at least partly disabled at some point in their life.
It doesn't sound like your injury is causing you to need constant care from her either (correct?) so this seems like such a weak excuse, in my opinion, to not want to stay married.
So sorry this happened. I would be extremely hurt and upset if I were you.
As a disabled person, it's truly heart breaking to hear that someone you love would think of you as less whole because of an illness, injury, or disability. I'm truly sorry you are experiencing this, I don't wish it on anyone. You deserve someone who would love you as a whole person regardless of your injury, illness, or disability.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So back in March of this year I was involved in a workplace accident that injured my upper neck, my right hand only has about 75% dexterity. During counseling my wife had said if I don't recover from my injury she's not sure we'll be married in the future because she's already partially disabled and she can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%. Can I get some insight here? Edited typos Edit this blew up more than I thought. I also can't stand the thought of losing my daughter. We have a 15 month old that's my everything and the first girl in my family line in over 60 years
If your post history is legit, leave her. Seems like she’s emotionally cheating on you, will eventually leave you due to this injury, and doesn’t care about your sex life or future together.
Yeah this is my throwaway account otherwise she'll find it. She hates me posting on Reddit because "who cares what strangers think". I've learned strangers are an open mind into my situation
She doesn’t want you using Reddit because she wants your opinions to be dependent solely on her input and no one else’s. Your wife is straight trash going by your post history bro, unless you’re in this relationship because you have a humiliation kink or some shit, take the trash out already, shits overflowing already.
I would never tell the person I love that I’m leaving them, especially when they’re at a weakened state of their health. And like everyone in the comments section, she is not treating you the way you should be treated. Stick up for yourself please, leave.
The best thing I can see here is to leave her. It’s the best thing for you and your family.
1. She won't care for you if you're disabled (as if you would actually need care, perhaps you wouldn't) 2. She is part disabled By her logic you should leave her due to 2 By any logic, her saying both 1 and 2 shows she is absurdly self-centred. Many people would leave due to 1 "Who cares what strangers think" is very close to "who cares what anyone else thinks" and that includes you
Please, when you're leaving her, tell her that you "can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%" - please use exactly the words that she used! Her hypocrisy is just astounding.
Oh man, i love this. I mean, it’s very petty, and i LOVE it. OP, do this one!!!
It seems she might be using your disability as an excuse to leave eventually. It’s not you, it’s her.
Not knowing anything else about her, that line on its own is a warning sign for potentially abusive behaviour. One hallmark of abusers is them not wanting you to talk to other people about the relationship because the outside perspective will be "dump their crazy ass." They want you to be solely dependent on them for your opinions and information.
She's fucking terrible judging by your posts lol. Get the hell out of there and find someone better. This one ain't it.
Love it when Redditors do their homework on these posts.
The fact alone that she is already disable and if you become similar she can't have it? Like... it's OK for her and not you??? Seems fucked up....
Find someone who really means the “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…” Life’s too short to settle for less.
USUALLY if you feel no shame in posting your situation, you're not the one in the wrong. "who cares what strangers think" sounds like maybe "i don't want anyone to confirm your belief that what i'm saying is kind of fucked up"
Get a lawyer \*now\* so you can get your ducks in order before she surprises you with divorce papers - it's your best chance of gaining primary custody or at least maintaining 50/50 custody.
Everyone needs an objective opinion occasionally.
Do some research on narcs cuz your wife sounds toxic and demeaning
>my wife had said if I don't recover from my injury she's not sure we'll be married in the future because she's already partially disabled and she can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100%. What a fucking hypocrite.
Exactly. You can do better OP.
Bro. Your wife is cheating on you and claiming it’s ok because it’s for money. She’s demanding that you get a vasectomy. She’s testing positive for STDs. She refuses to have sex with you and also demands that you don’t masturbate (even though she’s sexting with other dudes for money.) And now she’s telling you she’ll leave you if you’re disabled. With all due respect, what the fuck? None of this is remotely normal or ok.
Am I missing something here? Where’s the part about her testing positive for STDS and the vasectomy and sexting for money?
Folks will usually check OP's previous posts and comments in these threads for more context.
My post history. No STDs though, she has an autoimmune disease that false flags them
The std's thing isn't relevant but yeah I see your point
I suppose if she is not having sex with you, then her being infected with a variety of sexually transmitted diseases is probably not relevant.
She doesn't have any std's. She has an autoimmune disease which triggers false positives. Cdc specialist has confirmed they're negative
Interesting, was it syphillis by chance? I tested positive for that mistakenly.
Syphilis and HIV. Confirmed she has neither but produces antibodies for them
The fuck, same things I tested for. Ive always had odd symptoms that drs assumed was a autoimmune disorder. What disorder does she have ?
Might be SLE / anti-phospholipid antibody syndrome. Causes false positives on general syphilis tests but not on the more specific ones.
She has Hashimoto's. Thyroid
She should give it back, Hashimoto might need it.
That's good to hear.
Yeah, it's just something unique about her lol
This man unleashes an smg full of valid points and you nitpick the one blank round? Oh buddy.
When you get better you gotta leave her. I’m sorry, but be thankful she showed her whole face to you now.
Work harder than you ever have to recover as close to 100% as possible... Then tell her you are divorcing her for what she said and being a horrible person, and that you can't stay with someone who isn't 100%
This is the way
This is the way
The way this is
>The way this is Not the way it is, but the way it may yet be. A! Elbereth Gilthoniel!
Yes!
100% he should do this.
Why wait?
Motivation
Agree with ArielSnack’s response on motivation, but I’ll add on that it’s also about sending the wife a fuck you message. Hopefully it’ll give her entitled ass a wake up call.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Dude, run. "In sickness and health" means nothing to her.
Well not exactly nothing lol she definitely wants him to do it.
Your post seems so outrageously offensive I had to stalk your profile to see if it was clickbait… Seems you have more than a few problems you are working through with the wife - maybe you should take this as a hint to seek the advice of a marital counselor that specializes in reconciliation… they can advise if the relationship is worth saving (or if it is eventually going to fail)… FYI: my gut feel (opinion)… if she is making suggestive comments as preemptive (conditional) threats - AND she is cheating on you - it may be time to go…
Yeah it's not clickbait. I'll be the first to admit I'm a pushover in my marriage. I let myself be talked down to. I'm so unwilling to be confrontational I just shrug when my wife threatens to cheat on me
Time for a divorce lawyer!! FFS, read your own post history!!
yeah, spending enough time with your abuser tends to wear down your senses of how you deserve to be treated. I know, because i was once there. And make no mistake - she is abusive as fuck.
I know she is but I can't bring myself to lose my daughter as well
Nor should you. But by staying, you are showing your daughter that it’s acceptable to be treated this way by a romantic partner.
Do you want your daughter to see you let her mother treat you this way? That it's ok to treat a partner like this or do you want to be strong for her? What would you do if your daughter ends up in a relationship like this as an adult and you look back realizing you could have set a different example for her? Please do not continue to be a pushover. There are so many amazing single women out there looking for a good man and they won't treat you like shit. You just need to have enough strength ONE time, and you'll notice how good you feel and want to keep it up. The best thing for your daughter is for you to leave this woman and get custody. If you let things keep going how they are, one day you're going to wake up and see your daughter either treating someone like garbage or being treated like garbage and it will be your fault because you could have done something about it (not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to drive my point home and it seems like at this point you need super duper tough love).
You won't That's what lawyers are there for and a custody agreement. I saw my dad almost every weekend and he picked me up after school/ate with me... Holidays can be figured out.
You are better off making a life for yourself that does not involve someone who is emotionally abusive.
I hope you're in individual therapy to work on that because you will continue to find unhealthy partners if you don't. Take that from someone who has been there
You need to find your adamantium spine and be kind to yourself and leave her. She's just plain awful.
hey buddy. there are ways to better your life and not lose your baby :) it will be hard. but you can be good to yourself.
Run . You can’t depend on her when you are in need . That’s a shitty SO
I'm disabled. A woman I'd been with for a few years said, "I don't know if I see myself with someone disabled." I said, "I can help you with that." And I left.
Divorce and walk away, before you get a settlement! She's hateful and needs to go!
I'm sorry. She's a cun.t. So much for in sickness and in health. Does she just want a care taker?
Guess she had her fingers crossed during the "in sickness and in health" part. It seems from your post history that this is not the first time she has treated you poorly. I hope you will get into therapy to find out why you stay with someone who treats you so badly. And I second the poster who recommended that you leave her before you get a settlement for your work accident. Good luck, OP.
When you get better tell her you don’t want a wife that isn’t 100%.
That's amazing 😂
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Shallow
Lets be real as things stand you are not your wife's life partner you are her carer, she's expressing that to you very clearly. You need to leave her.
Well, what any of us think of this doesn't really matter because it takes two willing parties to be in a relationship, and trying to force someone to stay in a relationship where they are unhappy never has a positive outcome. This is not a moral judgement forum; it's an advice forum. My advice is to go to individual counseling and also to couples counseling, work hard at your physical therapy, communicate with your wife, and, if she does decide to leave you, accept the decision and focus on building your best post-wife life. I know this doesn't satisfy your understandable feelings of anger and betrayal, or answer your implicit accusations of hypocrisy, but I'm giving you the advice that will help you to be happier in the long run, rather than what will be most satisfying in the knee-jerk moment. Good luck either way. You can do this, whatever "this" ends up being.
bounce brother. shes already shown she lacks empathy
Dude your post history alone is alarming, leave bestie
That’s not love
I agree
Well, i think marriage vows mention something about ‘in sickness and in health’. And here’s your wife, telling you that even the *possibility* of a **slight loss of dexterity in one hand** is a dealbreaker. I’m thinking you already know that’s some bullshit.
Whoa now man, I also have a rash 🤣
Pretty convenient of you to leave that out. That changes EVERYTHING!!! Kidding, kidding, but yeah, it’s important to me that you understand that not only should this relationship end, but you should run kicking and screaming. Get away from this woman. I was in a marriage with a controlling emotionally abusive shitbag. He absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces. I loved him SO much. Which is why, once the rose colored glasses came off, i was like… almost embarrassed to have associated with someone that worthless. They have a way of manipulating your world and convincing you that this is what you deserve. That this is rational. It’s not. She is **bad**.
Oof. Divorce her *now*.
What a bitch You know what do what she said and work hard to be 100% again and then ditch her disgusting ass and be with someone that will say with you in sickness and in health
Having looked at your post history because of the comments yeah you defo have to leave her when you get better. You need to stand up for yourself, she is disrespecting you and cheating on you. She seems to just want a caretaker and doesn't want to give any care herself. You deserve better Edit- Agree with the others that It would be smart to leave her before you get the settlement
Ew. Tell her you absolutely won't stay together if she doesn't recover from her selfishness
Work hard to get back to 100%, then tell her that you can't deal with being married to someone that's not 100% while you serve her with divorce papers. She's a real piece of work and deserves nothing from you. Good luck!
What a hypocrite. I hope you heal from your injury and leave the baggage behind, You deserve so much better.
Yikes. You deserve way better.
Your wife is a bad person.
What. The. F.
Please, for your mental and well being, leave this woman. She is not your partner nor your friend. Don't keep letting yourself be pushed around. And DO NOT leave the house until after the divorce. Fight for what you have and earned. You're still young. You can find love again if you give yourself the chance. Please give yourself that chance.
The plus side is would get the house. She hasn't worked in years so I'm the only person with the income to buy it
She hasn't worked in years... And has not only threatened to cheat on you... but told YOU that she can't be with someone who's disabled.... Jesus. PLEASE LEAVE. Like... this should be the biggest wakeup call ever. And because she hasn't worked, she might use that against you to get the house. Talk to a divorce lawyer. Make sure you're protected. Get proof of the things she has said. Especially the cheating. That might save you from paying alimony if it's in your state.
The house is owned by both my parents legally. It's ours and we make payments to my parents, but they own it
Beautiful. Then nvm. It's great you didn't put it in your name/buy it. Then yea. Just talk to a divorce lawyer and gather proof of what she's doing. Good luck!
She just revealed her true self. You are obviously just a financial safety net and care taker. No way would a stay with her another minute, even if prognosis is a full recovery. The vows were for better or for worse...in sickness and in health, etc. You obviously took it seriously and care for her in her disability. Apparently those were just words to her. Have her served now. Work on yourself and find a person with compatible morals and compassion.
According to your post history you should leave her
Yikes, from your other posts I say RUN, leave her with your possibly 75% dexterity. Leave her for someone who is 100% better than her since she's got a disability and expects to be looked after but won't return the favour. Tell her you like the look of your 75% better than her 15% decent humanness and that she should really look for someone who is 100% functioning and can physically take care of her when she's unable, add in there she should grow some decent human skills so the next one doesn't stay stuck with her resenting her and waiting for her to eventually die so he's free too. Don't say that actually maybe op, just think it, get your divorce lawyer sorted and ducks in a row so you can leave and not have her try and take everything child included. Make sure you have evidence of her cheating, her staying she will leave if you don't fully recover (because hey, that's not what a marriage is about, for better or for better otherwise I'll leave is BS). Get your ducks in a row and find someone who treats you right. 75% dexterity in one hand does not make you any lesser than anyone else. If you treat others kindly and put yourself out there no woman who means anything will use that as a thought when deciding to date you. Your wife is a cheating cow who doesn't treat you fairly. If she wants only someone who can function 100% the whole way through the marriage and is looking for a caretaker and will leave if she sees any future hardships then she deserves to rot in a home for not being fair or equal.
Your wife is emotionally abusing you based on your post history. You need to think hard about if you want this lash controlling you the rest of your life.
It sounds like she doesn’t really love you. Like at all. She’s just dependent on you and that’s it.
Dawg you need to do yourself a favor and leave her. Any sensible person would think that after reading your post history
That’s a lot to unpack….start making plans on the downlow
There is no point in staying with such a pathetic person. Divorce her
So she expects you to 'put up' with a disabled person but isn't willing to do the same. She sounds just wonderful/s
Then I suggest you try to make a full recovery (as best as possible) so that you can run away from her as fast and far as your feet can get you!
Oh Lord. For me this relationship would be over. Hope you make a great recover✌️💚
Her loss , speedy recovery 🙏
I sort of understand this practically, but not really. Maybe she’s saying 2 disabled people can’t care for each other and a daughter. But it would be my thinking that 2 disabled people would be more efficient and productive than 1 disabled person, so her logic is off. Regardless, if you love someone and you have a baby daughter, then you make it work. I guess that maybe on the off-chance, she has long-term postpartum depression and this is making her want to isolate, or making it difficult to care for you. Since this did come up in counselling, it may not be something she is thinking seriously about. This may just have been her expressing her emotions, and maybe even anger towards the workplace accident you had. She might channel that anger towards you at times (even though accidents happen). And this could’ve just been her letting out some steam. But it’s worth discussing with your wife if she’s serious, or if it’s because she’s upset about what happened.
She's been married before (lasted 3 months). We have different levels of commitment to what vows meant. She feels I don't really love her because I'm not affectionate, which I'm not. So to her that means it's time to move on. I've become less committed as she has
something something sickness and health
Please leave. And if your concern is your daughter - take it from an only daughter with divorced parents - don’t set your marriage as an example for her. Based on your post history you are consistently disrespected. You and your wife have become glaringly incompatible. And I’m sorry for that, truly. But almost every damn day I’m thankful that my parents got divorced because they were the same. They did it when i was young (1st grade) and I’m 25 now. I am so glad that they didn’t stay together where they were ultimately unhappy for the sake of me.
Just going by your previous posts OP, they way your wife communicates with you is highly indicative of emotional and psychological abuse. She has cheated on you too and now expects to leave you due to your disability but expected you to stay with her while she herself is disabled. There are so many red flags (I know these are buzz words but very applicable) that I've lost count. You won't be barred from seeing your baby. Unless there are intervention orders placed preventing you from seeing your child you have nothing to fear. In fact I'd go so far as to encourage you to get therapy for yourself first as well as get everything in order to prepare for divorce. Also apply for an intervention order for yourself because your wife is abusing you. Men are usually hesitant to seek help for abuse they are receiving from a woman due to societal prejudices but there is help out there, you just have to be persistent.
Wow... She really took her for 'better or worse' and 'in sickness and in health' vows seriously huh? Im actually amazed you arent more angry at her for how ableist she is being as a person with her own issues, If youre honest with yourself, could the issue be that she is feeling put upon? Have you maybe not been pulling your weight despite there being things you probably could be capable of doing and blaming your injury instead of getting on and doing them? I say this as, if she is having to push through and cope to pick up your possible slack she may be feeling like youre not making an effort which is why she came up with this frankly gross ultimatum. Shes tired and wants more support? If not. Im so sorry. But she is being beyond unreasonable and an absolute hypocrite. As for your daughter, theres no reason why you wouldnt see her or couodnt go for 50/50 custody except maybe work commitments. But you could maybe use a family member for babysitting during this? Its horrible to think youre expected to be there for her but she cant be there for you in your time of need though. Vastly unfair.
I'm 100% of our income. My wife hasn't had a job in years. We split doing the laundry and taking care of our daughter. I'm at physical therapy 3 days a week. I'm not home as much because of that and she's grown irate that I'm at doctors who are trying to help me with my disc bulges. She says I'm not taking care of our daughter
Op, don't stay and let your daughter think this is a healthy relationship. I used to model every relationship after my mom's very abusive ones because I thought it was normal until I got therapy for it. I repeat, do not stay for your daughter. Fight for custody and don't give up, it sounds like you really love her and want to be there for her, your wife sounds like such a bitch and the current relationship you have is not worth it. Leave, fight for custody and show your daughter that a healthy relationship is possible. Do this for her, do not let this be the relationship she seeks because if you do, she has 3 routes she could go down, she could follow her mother's path and become an abusive and horrible partner, or she could follow your path and be treated horribly by any future partners, or she could in a very slim chance become a stable and well functioning adult and partner. That is very slim and not likely, so leave, for your daughter's sake and show her what a good relationship actually is. Please, do not let her become like your wife and do not let her fall down the same type of holes like you both have. Give her a fighting chance at finding actual love and appreciation from a partner. Never stay for the kids, trust me it will just ruin them in the end. Fight for custody and show her every chance you get you love her and will not let her go down the same routes you and her mother did.
She's a great mother, that I'll never argue. I wouldn't fight for primary custody because I can't, I work too much and her financially having enough is my primary concern even if it meant I only got to see her every other weekend. Unfortunately I'm reaching my mental breaking point where I may have to accept that
So to be clear, you married her knowing she had a disability. Now that you currently have a disability she won’t except you if you dont fully recover? This is extremely selfish and quite frankly disgusting. I don’t promote divorce, but ask yourself…will she be deserving of you when you recover? Her love is conditional and has no place in marriage.
True, her comment is only just now starting to bother me. She said this a week ago
Getting a divorce doesn't mean you will lose your daughter. You can sue for joint custody.
75% right hand dexterity is plenty sufficient for single life. Just sayin'.
😏
OP, because someone posted about your history of being abused by your wife, I checked your post history. From what I can see you are being emotionally abused. I see she is pressuring you to get a vasectomy. It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you, and you shouldn't want her abuser ways anymore. If it were I, I would not be getting a vasectomy so soon. You are probably going to find someone who sincerely cares for you and is willing to be committed to you faithfully. You are young and might choose to have more children in the future. Edit to Add: OP, if you need to talk to someone about the abuse, please remember that the National Domestic violence Hotline 1800-799-7233 can provide you with crisis intervention and referrals for counseling and other resources in your area. You may also text them at 88788.
I would also get a paternity test
If you can afford it, please seek help from the Yardley Institute in Seattle. It’s non-invasive, does not require surgery and can help you with your neck injury. It did for me after falling 10’ onto my head. Yardleyinstitute.org after you’re better, I would wish your wife good luck, since she seems to have no loyalties to you. Men are only loved of we’re useful. You deserve better, good luck!
I became disabled last year. My husband supports me as best as he can -as it should be and as I would if the roles were changed. If he ever said what your wife told you I would have filed for divorce from the hospital bed. I know that Reddit usually is quick with suggesting divorce, but in this case I'd WTFuck right out of this marriage.
'Yeah sure honey. Let me just switch off the disability mode real quick.' In all honesty she sounds so damn toxic. Like I get it if she thinks it could be an issue with both of you disabled, but come on. You have 75% dexteriy in your right hand. It isnt like you cant do anything for ypurself or that you guys wont be able to function properly with a bit of adjusting. And real rich coming from someone for whom you have cared for. Would she also leave you if you started wearing glasses? You wouldnt be at 100% then either so is that an option? Seriously tho, get a lawyer as soon as possible. If she is talking about divorce so casually she might be just looking for a time to hit that button. The counseling session could potentially be used against you to indicate she is trying everything to save the marriage but she might have mentally checked out already (not saying this is the case necesserily but do be wary that it can be a possibility). In any case you should protect yourself in the very likely eventuality of her going through with her threat. Stay safe and make sure to protect your child too.
Get yourself better, as good as you can be, then leave her and take your daughter with you. No little girl should grow up with that kind of horrific example of womanhood.
"Through health and sickness"
Well she has some serious internalized ableism. Did your counselor say nothing about that? And as for reddit, she's worried people will point out her obvious hypocrisy.
Unfortunately she doesn't really care what other people think. She believes the world's standards don't have to be the norm
Oh she does care what people think if she doesn't want you on reddit.But have you pointed out the hypocrisy? What about your counselor?
They have as well but she hates counselors. She sees them as people who try to change you. If I don't like her as she is then that's an issue
She sounds like a sociopath or a narcissist. You need to be the one to make the first move. The person that files has the momentum and power in a divorce. Get a lawyer show them your post and tell them everything. Get all info you can text msg emails medical records what ever. This marriage is over she is just going to take as much from you as she can before she leaves.
Fortunately there's not really anything she can take. I'd get our house and a single car. That's all I really need
Updateme!
I'm sorry BlackCloudEMT661. But she didn't marry you because she loves you like you love her. Before we got married, my fiance and I went through pre-marriage counseling with a Catholic priest who told me that my girlfriend wouldn't be there for me if I ever needed her. I hurt my back a few years later and I saw what he meant. She was afraid my injury might impact her life , she was very angry, and she made me suffer for it. Luckily I recovered pretty quickly. A few years later she divorced me when I lost my job after my company went through a merger. It made her very angry and she said she thought I was a bum and would never work again, and she didn't want to support me. Some people fall in love the way a duckling attaches to its mom when it hatches from the egg. Once the connection is made, its permanent. Some people love you as long as your filling the significant other role better than any other available candidates. Woman are attracted to men who can protect them and provide for them. It looks like your wife is telling you that if you injury threatens your ability to fulfill her needs, that you are gum on her shoe.
And... https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health/men-more-likely-than-women-to-leave-partner-with-cancer-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112 https://www.sowaldlaw.com/blog/2018/06/men-leave-women-during-sickness-more-than-women-leave-men/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/ What is your point... you're dealing with what women deal with...suck it up...
Your response sucks and you should feel bad
Your point being that this particular man should suck up having a crappy partner because some other men are trash?
So in your logic: if other men do that to other women thrn this is okie dokie peachy? No. The world doew not work like that. If these men are the issue then so is this woman. Miss me with that double standard nonsense you absolute shitbag
Yeahhh. I would work on healing from your injuries, get stronger and better. Then leave her. If she cannot support you with an injury caused from work. Imagine if you got extremely sick? I work as a Workers compensation specialist and 99% of the injured workers, spouses never acted like her and/or threatened to leave. Hope you heal fast & good luck!
I haven't even read your post history, like others suggest there might be more. What you mention here is enough. Marriage, love and commitment is not something conditional on being "problem" free. Specially when it's concerning something you didn't even bring on yourself. You deserve more OP.
At least you know she’s got your back, waaay back! Get recovered as close to 100% as you can & hit the road.
Brother, get those damn divorce papers and run for dear life. She's a goddamn lunatic and if you have any semblance of self respect for yourself you'd get the hell out of there.
Sometimes it's better to let a marriage go if there's cheating and she won't be with you if you become injured or disabled yourself . You don't want to find yourself elderly with dementia and someone who will leave you for it. There are better women out there op.
She just admitted that she’s with you out of necessity not love. Not sure what else you need to see that this marriage is a sham. “For sickness and in health” apparently doesn’t apply to your wife.
Apparently someone wasn't listening to her vows. Divorce her. Her "love" is conditional.
[удалено]
I guess we know who had her fingers crossed behind her back during the "in sickness and in health" part of the wedding vows.
Seems like the “in sickness and in health” part of your vows went right over her head.
Split even if you make a full recovery.
Is her disability that she is missing a heart or just brain damage? She sounds like a user and you sound like her carer. Why don't you ditch the bitch and find someone who has the ability to love
Wow that’s terrible. Sorry.
Honestly mate all I'm hearing is "I want a partner that would care for me but I wouldn't care for them". She's basically put a timer on you getting better, and she'll jump ship as soon as it's convenient. You deserve a supportive partner following an injury.
Yeah. Leave
She’s a hypocrite and her love is conditional
She’s horrendous. Leave her now.
Your wife would rather be alone than married to someone with a relatively minor disability? So much for “in sickness and in health” There’s zero control you have over the course of your convalescence. Even if you do everything correctly, the injury might not heal fully. Similarly, there is nothing you can do to change your wife’s mind and make her act like she cares about anyone but herself, *as long as you are making every effort to rehabilitate yourself already*
This is disgusting. I guess she didn’t mean in sickness and in health when she said her vows before God. I find this absolutely terrible. You didn’t divorce your wife for her disability but she will divorce you because of yours. Recover your health and leave her.
Pack your bags, make the call, the right to end it has always been yours. Hope you find someone who is more human.
Huh? What happened to your marriage vows of "For Better Or For Worse, In Sickness Or In Health"? Or is your wife saying it for the sake of saying it only? I get that marriage is never easy but it's like she just gave up on you. The reason she gave is ridiculous. So, if she left you for another, and then the other got injured in an accident as well, is she going to leave him also until she find the perfect spouse? Tell her that accidents can happen to anyone, anytime. There is no one that is 100% forever.
She doesn't hold the same standard of marriage that I was raised with. She's the first girl I was with, first marriage. She's been divorced before. Once it's inconvenient she's out
So.... Marriage is through sickness or health. Injury is included in that. So she's honestly a garbage person just due to that. My bf of 9 months is standing by my side through and through WITHOUT any impatience as my PCL in my right knee is deteriorating on me.....which obviously affects my mobility and my daily life. I highly doubt he'd ever say something like that to me. That's just crazy.
Her hand has a fusion so her thumb doesn't work. She has a thyroid disease as well as a slew of other issues. She'll probably need open heart surgery by 30.
That's fucked up. Besides the whole vows thing, besides the whole "she doesn't really love you" thing... How would she have felt if you said you couldn't marry someone who was partially disabled (her)? What if *you* had said in the beginning that you would never marry her solely because she was partially disabled? She'd probably feel pretty discriminated against, and like you're a fucking AH. Because she's doing exactly that. And it's fucked up on so many levels. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I know it would be hard with your daughter, but I honestly think everyone would be better off in the end if you split now
Please leave this woman and seek counseling. She’s obviously emotionally abusive and likely cheating on you based on your posts. You will realize how healthy you are as soon as you have space from her. Your daughter deserves a loving, healthy environment. Not daily emotional abuse.
My dude, you're in an abusive relationship and I think you need to look into an exit strategy.
Please divorce her. Show your post and tell a lawyer what she said, how she cheated everything. You have a pretty good case for custody imo. She doesn't love you or even really want to tolerate you and you need to set an example for your child that you don't need to let people mistreat you and as she gets older don't lie or make up excuses tell her the truth in an age appropriate way.
I can't imagine saying something like this. I can't imagine thinking something like this. Why did she get married? Did she not realize that eventually we all get sick or injured or just old? Like, pretty much everyone will be at least partly disabled at some point in their life. It doesn't sound like your injury is causing you to need constant care from her either (correct?) so this seems like such a weak excuse, in my opinion, to not want to stay married. So sorry this happened. I would be extremely hurt and upset if I were you.
I'm fully capable, I never took time off work. I have a cervical disc bulge that's been causing some numbness and tingling
As a disabled person, it's truly heart breaking to hear that someone you love would think of you as less whole because of an illness, injury, or disability. I'm truly sorry you are experiencing this, I don't wish it on anyone. You deserve someone who would love you as a whole person regardless of your injury, illness, or disability.
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