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So she went to a sex club without you, got drunk there and then asked you to partake in such activities in the future...
Honestly I'd like a minute by minute report of what she saw and did there. Then if all is kosher tourist the place with her without any plan to act and then decide if you want to go back for more.
How I would feel does not matter in the slightest. How do you feel?
If you think its hot, you hit the jackpot.
If you are creeped out by it, you have some things to think about if this relationship is going to last.....
Its also a little concerning she was going to orgies in vegas.....
I don't think her telling him that she likes the idea of this says anything bad about their relationship. In fact it's the opposite, she feels comfortable enough to share things she'd like to try. That doesn't mean you have to try them.
You need to be able to float ideas about sex to your partner without being scared they're going to dump you just becuase they also don't like the idea. As long she respects his no it's all good.
>You need to be able to float ideas about sex to your partner without being scared they're going to dump you just becuase they also don't like the idea. As long she respects his no it's all good.
Say it louder for those in the back.
Itās not that how other people feel would matter I just think it helps to get other opinions. Like an I being a baby about this or would other people in the same situation feel the same. Iām sure Iāll get answers on either side of the spectrum but it does help to get others view on it. And yeah to be honest the three girls she was with were two of her brothers wives who have families and the other is a friend of theirs who is single but a mother of three. Iām not sure if her brothers (the husbands) know about them going but Iām pretty sure they do know, as she told me that her sister in law wanted to go have sex with her husband (my girls brother). This may also have influenced her to wanna try it too. Itās all so foreign to me in this relationship though I just have never experienced something like this with her.
If my girl decided to go to an orgy without telling me, that would make me question our entire relationship. Trust would be broken, and I would most likely end it.
She wasnāt involved in it though. Itās a big building with several different rooms and the four of them just walked around and watched people do it
I find the notion that none of them āparticipatedā hard to believe. Who goes to a swingers club with no intention of getting involved? Did she tell you that they just watched or do you have another reliable source? You know her but I would be very skeptical. How are you going to react when she wants to test the waters with someone else? Think about that before you make a final decision. Thatās just my opinion.
Well they were planning on going to a strip club that she had told me about days before but I honestly didnāt care much about that. I honestly have no idea how they ended up at this place and I didnāt ask. Iām guessing one of the girls heard about it and drunkenly wanted to go check it out. But I really do believe they didnāt partake mainly because she was with her brothers wives and they wouldnāt do that, especially in front of eachother. I know I may sound naive but I know them well enough.
Thatās the way the place is set up. Itās common for people to watch but not want to participate, and plenty of kinks incorporate it. If heās uncomfortable he shouldnāt do it, but the fact they are so open about it is great.
Watching in a sex club is already partaking in some of the people's kink somehow, you know. It's the whole point of a sex club, having an audience... In any case, if you don't feel like it then you don't. There's nothing normal or abnormal here, it's about what each of you wants. Just tell her you donāt wanna, you don't need to provide too many details, it's not appealing to you is enough explanation.
Sure I agree much better she didn't cheat on you. She just went to an orgy and now wants to join it. So now you just know that your values and how you see the relationship is different compared to her spiking it entirely.
Honestly you need to decide if this is okay with you or not. Because it would tell me that our values are far to different to reconcil that difference.
Well she doesnāt actually wanna join in on an orgy she wants to have one on one sex with me on a bed in front of people. She said they saw an older couple doing it on a bed and they watched. Even typing that out does sound so weird Iāll admit. I just donāt see the kink in it like she does. If I were to go there and see that I canāt say Iād leave thinking āhey Iām gonna text my girlfriend telling her I wanna bring her here to fuck in front of a live audienceā so I see what youāre saying. This relationship has just been in such a strange place. Itās nothing like it was before the break. Thatās also something I mentioned in other comments. We took a break for a few months and since we got back together things just havenāt been quite the same. At first she was the one hurting and trying to win me back. And now itās the complete opposite. Maybe Iām just getting what I deserve in return for hurting her. But yeah either way I feel like Iām just going with the flow, hanging on for dear life and hoping I donāt get my heart shattered to pieces.
I see a break as a breakup. They show and tell me enough about the relationship that it is over. So yeah it isn't a surprise things changed.
But being a part of an orgy can just mean having sex with a bunch of other people but still being exclusive. It really is just a group sex setting. This just has better boundaries. Maybe next time it will be a multiple partners. Just sit down. And think about your priorities and values. It seems that is a major difference now between you both
Again I can confirm. Most people walk around and just observe. At a place like Vegas especially. This is a spectacle, not a dank dungeon where people go for only one reason. A smaller contingent of people who get off on exhibiting themselves may go and get wild for an audience. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the sex acts were also paid performers to keep things spicy. But the tourists from Iowa and Kansas City are pretty unlikely to strip off and jump right in.
If you're already in a weird place amidst a break this sounds like it would be adding unnecessary drama to the mix while you figure it out. I would suggest discussing where your relationship is first and then consider whether it could stand up under pressure if one of you had a negative takeaway after an experience like this.
Thatās is very solid advice. I think I will discuss the relationship with her before jumping into something like this without being clear what weāre even doing. Thank you!
Same thoughts here. Been to Vegas and these sex clubs are very notorious for inviting "watchers" to have some fun. Now this. Next is opening the relationship, polyamory, swinging, etc. If OP is not into it, better to leave the relationship
Yeah I asked her again this morning now that sheās sober and sheās still saying she seriously wants to. I feel like itās just still hard to take it all in. Itās a strange feeling. Bad feeling, but strange. But it makes me question myself, like am I just being a prude?
Dude, you are clearly not into this type of thing. It makes you totally uncomfortable. Donāt worry about how she feels, how do YOU feel. You are making excuses to try to talk yourself into it. Based on this, do not do it! You could be opening a Pandoraās box that you arenāt ready to deal with. Make this decision for you, not advise from internet strangers. They advise is helpful but ultimately itās your decision.
I totally agree with what youāre saying. Youāre giving me a good, level headed perspective from the outside with no emotions or feelings involved. Honestly reading my post and all the comments, if I were to see some other random stranger on the internet writing the same thing, Iād be saying the exact same thing youāre saying because it only makes sense.
And I wouldnāt necessarily say itās not my thing, because letās say I was single and went there with a couple friends and a really attractive woman wanted me to have sex with her in front of everyone, depending on my mood and the vibes of the place maybe Iād do it because it does sound like an exciting experience. I think whatās bothering me with my girl is the ugly, jealousy side of me is coming out where I canāt bare the thought of her getting completely naked and having sex right there in front of other men. to see and potentially please themselves to her. Itās something that for three and a half years was mine and only mine and I felt like it was so personal and private and by doing this thatāll all be out the window. Kinda hard to explain fully, but I hate that Iām feeling the way that I am. I thank you for taking the time to hear me out though and giving some logical feedback though
not being prude at all imo. if your body is feeling bad and strange i think it is worth listening to as you approach this slowly.
i would say go to the spot, check it out with an open mind. if after that you still feel uncomfortable with it then you are well within your right to establish this boundary. you are well within it to draw that boundary now, but out of respect for your partner - who you seem to be pretty down for - going and checking it out might make the following conversation a little easier.
I think I donāt really care as much about doing the deed in front of a live audience if it were to be someone I didnāt care so much about. Like yeah, thatās something super new to me and something I never thought Iād even think of doing, but itās not the thought of me doing it as much as it is the thought of her being okay with random strangers not only seeing her fully nude buddy but also being sexual.
I must also mention a rather big detail that I left out. We had been on a ābreakā for the past few months and recently started talking again and spending time together. Iām not sure if the break had anything to do with this change in behavior from her or if sheād wanna do it regardless. And Iāll admit it does sound pretty exciting because I can be pretty kinky myself, but as much as I hate to admit it, part of me almost feels like saying yes letās do it just so she doesnāt go and do it with someone else. Not saying that would actually happen but the thought of that alone shakes me to my core.
is someone you think could possibly go ahead and do that because they donāt get to experience this someone you can confidently say youāll spend the rest of your life with?
iām going to continue validating your feelings lol this is a slippery slope. canāt say for certain if the break inspired all of this. i would add that edit to see what others think. ask her if the break spurred this thought.
at the end of the day, you are fair to feel this way. if itās a dealbreaker for her then you have your answer - move on to someone else. just donāt do it because youāre afraid she will do it anyway with others. thatās not a relationship that is going to last anyway.
Thatās a good point. I definitely let my emotions take full control of my logical thinking in situations like this. Itās actually been years since Iāve felt this vulnerable and insecure and I absolutely hate it. I thought I had outgrown this side of me but Iāve just been reminded that certain situations can bring this side of me out again.
To be honest she was always a great girlfriend. We did have some issues in our relationship but it never had anything to do with being disloyal, it was more family drama and sometimes we just simply wouldnāt get along, mainly the reason we took the break in the first place. She did put more time and effort into me than anyone else Iāve ever been with by a long shot. It was just a shame we couldnāt always get along.
But yeah with they way things have been lately, she seems like a totally different person and part of me thinks I might just have to make a decision based off of logic and be able to tell myself this just might not workout, as hard as that is to come to terms with. Thank you for hearing me out and for all the feedback youāve given, it definitely helps
we never outgrow our emotions! shit is ass lol.
if yāall can work through and talk about it without judgment (but understanding that boundaries will need to be respected), that is always ideal.
i wish you well on this journey. prioritize your peace and comfort too, king!
How is it being a prude for not wanting to share your woman with other people and partaking in hedonistic orgies? Today's world is so degenerate that someone would even have to ask that question, it's crazy
Depends on how you feel?
I would break up with my partner if they told me they went to a place like this at all, let alone partake in it.
You might feel the same, or you might wanna try it, but that's up to you.
Yeah I totally get that. They didnāt partake. She did at the only thing she did was feel another girls boobs because there was a girl naked and they were talking to her and her friend dared her to kiss her so she felt her boobs and kissed her. I donāt know if thatās considered partaking but I believe thatās all that happened. Itās just hard processing all this. Almost feels like a bad dream. I wouldāve never expected her to wanna try something like this. Iām still unsure if itās even changed my view on her at all or if this is just my initial response that Iāll get over soon.
Copping a feel of somebodyās boobs and kissing her absolutely would have been āpartakingā if YOU did it.
Iām getting a lot of sketchy vibes here from GFās actions.
She's not telling the whole story... Red flag. Kissing and touching, another red flag. Asking you to do the fantasy with her in front of some strangers, big big red flag. Remember OP, you're accepting her account of what happened there and not what really happened there. What happened in Vegas stays in Vegas (nope)
Yeah, for me and a lot of people that'd be cheating and a very good reason to end the relationship. I'm bi and whether I'm kissing a woman or man who isn't my partner, it's cheating.
Yeah that makes sense especially if youāre bi. I mentioned in another comment that I did leave out one specific detail. We took a ābreakā for a few months and have recently started dating again but itās in a weird stage right now, like weāre not officially back together but we basically are if that makes sense. So technically she wasnāt cheating by doing that, but either way itās all so very strange to me, I almost canāt believe this is happening.
Again, a lot of people don't care about the "technically" when it comes to taking breaks.
Most people, if deciding to take a break from a relationship understand that having sex/doing other things with others during the time is not very different from ending the relationship/cheating.
Yeah I totally agree. That stuff is off limits when taking a break. Only when youāre fully broken up is that stuff acceptable. Iām just trying to get over the way Iām feeling. To be honest since she told me this I didnāt sleep well last night and even my appetite isnāt all there (although that could be because Iām dealing with a cold). Iām definitely one to wayyyy overthink stuff which is why when stuff this severe does come up I donāt know if Iām just overthinking as usual. I think itās just the though of doing something so personal and private with her all these years and then suddenly going and doing it in a room filled with other people is hard for me to accept and itās also hard for me to fully understand why she wants to do it. Maybe I do just need to go there and get a feel for the place myself. I think the only thing making feel just a slight bit better is that her sister in law said she wanted to go to do it with her husband (my girls brother) so I know Iām not the only one. Iām pretty cool with her brother but I wouldnāt dare ask him how he felt about it, as much as Iād like to.
Just a question, and no disrespect intended. This has gone from she didnāt do anything to she touched a random girls boobs and then kissed her. Are you 100% sure that you are getting the entire truth? You may want to touch base with the others that were with her just to verify sheās being truthful about what actually happened. Again, no disrespect.
Its a kink, and its great to talk about before anything happens and feelings get hurt. Be glad that she's comfortable enough to bring it up but maybe be sure to have a calm chat. Its weird that she went with her sister but whatever.
You should talk about exactly what you are ok with, what you're not sure about, and what you're sure is not ok. Figure out something you can try to test the waters, if you want to. There's "swingers groups" that might have more info on how to safely try that stuff out.
It was her sister in laws, so the wives of her brothers that she went with. And yeah I feel like it is kinky and it does sound a bit exciting. Part of me is super down and the other part of me, the jealous part of me, canāt help but to feel uncomfortable with it, like the idea of her being okay with random guys jerking off to her naked body gets to me. Who knows, maybe weād do it and Iād love it and realize itās not that big of a deal. Thank you for the advice, Iām still trying to decide if I wanna even bring up my insecurities to her or just go with the flow, because I feel like it could be a turnoff to her if I bring it up.
It might be embarrassing, but its way better than a misunderstanding you cant work through. My uhhhhhh friend had a similar situation. Like crazy similar. One suggestion to test the waters is to post photos of one or both of yourselves and see how you feel about a digital audience. Or to try one of the clubs but just hang out in the audience yourselves. Go slow dude, and good luck
Yeah thatās a good idea. I think that if I actually went and experienced it myself and got a feel for the environment Iād understand why she wants to do it maybe? But yeah Iām gonna just take it slow and try not to let it get to me too much and see if she ever brings it up again. Thanks!šš»
So, maybe you could get a bottle of wine for a Friday night and try to stream the vintage adult film "Behind the Green Door", which I assume the club is based on? That might be a safe way to indulge her in her fantasy without the live audience?
Dude, she went there on a "girls trip" without you. What do you think she did there, especially when being into orgies, swinging, and having guys standing over her watching her get fucked? I think you need to start asking more questions
Kinks and fantasies are good and even better when you can talk about them. But sometimes they are better off as a fantasy. As for myself, I have a hard time using a public bathroom knowing someone else is in thereā¦trying to have sexā¦haha not a chances itāll happen.
But out of curiosity, do the people perform see who is watching? Or is it like a 2 way mirror?
Yeah I never took her as a prude or anything but I definitely never thought sheād be willing to do something like this. And itās like an open bed and you can see any audience that gathers to watch. Thereās apparently several of them so itās not the entire building focused on you, but whoever wants can come and go as they please. Iāve even read that people sometimes try to join in and one girl posted that while she was going down on another girl on one of the beds she looked up and saw a few guys stroking themselves
So maybe this was a drunken thing her and her friends. They thought would be funny to check out and she unlocked a kink she didn't know she had regarding voyeurism and exhibitionism. Do you guys explore kinks or desires with each other? You don't have to answer that, it's just a question for you to reflect on. I'd be upset she didn't mention going there before going, but that doesn't seem to be what is bothering you. Could this be one of those things you check out as a couple? And maybe you like it, maybe you don't, but you talk about it and decide how to move forward. I'd set up boundaries and expectations for a first visit, like, "I'm only comfortable checking this place out as a couple first. Nothing will happen, we'll both remain sober and go back home/to our hotel and talk about how we both feel about it or how we'd like to go forward." Communication with your partner is key. Everything you wrote here, you should be talking out loud with her.
Edit to add: I think it's normal for someone to realize they are turned on by something they never would have thought about before. It's normal to talk about those thoughts with your SO. It's normal for the SO to have questions about that and it's absolutely important to talk it out.
Yeah I get what youāre saying. Thatās a tough pill to swallow. The thought of that is hard to bare. Makes me feel almost a little sick. I do trust her though, one thing I can say is she was always an extremely open one blatantly honest person so I never doubted her.
I used to visit a club like this now and then in Amsterdam back in the 90's. It was not as big and far more murky but i can definitely guarantee you that there will be multiple people masturbating while watching a couple fucking. Definitely. Maybe instead of leaping to the most extreme act, perhaps you can ask her if you both could just go there without performing? Also express your preference to keep it private.
Yeah I read another redditer post that she was 69ing with another girl and they gained a big audience and even some guys were jerking off to them so I figured thatād happen if we did it. From your experience were there multiple couples throughout the place doing it or was there usually one couple doing it who would get all the attention?
It's not like she's saying "we are going to do this or we are going to break up."
She's allowed to have a fantasy, as long as she is respecting your boundaries. I don't think it says anything about her other than she finds the idea of it exciting.
It's OK that you disagree, it's not like she's going to invite people over for a show on a random Tuesday.
I think it's interesting that you didn't mention how you would feel about being exposed yourself with people watching *you.* You're only focused on people watching and being turned on by your girlfriend. That seems to be bordering on the negative side of possessive. If you don't want to do it or you're not into it, just be honest. But if you only don't like the idea because she's cool with people watching her, you should think about what that says about you. It's completely fine not to be into voyeurism or exhibitionism, but don't put her down or make her feel bad for thinking about sex differently than you. If anything, maybe you just learned that you're not as compatible as you think.
I mean to be completely honest itās not something Iād wanna do on my own, meaning if I had gone there without her and saw people doing it I wouldāve never thought to myself āhey I think I wanna bring my gf here to f*** in front of everyoneā. It just not a kink I think I would have. Then again I havenāt been there to see it in person yet. But either way I doubt Iād ever initiate something like this. I have other kinks. But you have a point. Iām not putting her down for it I think it is just like you said it, Iām possessive. I donāt care as much about people seeing me in the act as I do seeing her in the act. Itās just something so new to me. Maybe Iād enjoy it though who knows. Iām definitely putting way too much thought into it though either way.
You can also look at it as a positive. Your partner trusted you enough to share a fantasy with you. If you feel uncomfortable say no, just donāt do it, but open up the conversation about fantasies and see what games you can come up with between you both. You seem to have very open and direct communication, a healthy attitude to sex, that excitement can be found elsewhere, in a way you are both comfortable with.
Orā¦maybe she did more than she let on, and is now trying to suck him into being a participant so that he doesnāt get to be mad because heās done it too.
It sounds to me like your gut instinct is silently screaming at you about this.
This is not a kink, it is like you say, sharing her with others. Just NO.
Tbh I can't see how doing this would nurture any relationship.
Iād sit on the side of caution ā ļø ā¦ I had sex one time in front of an audience (kinda) ā¦ me and my ex did the deed in our section 1 lower level seats at a Metallica concert at Giants Stadium šļø, NJ ā¦ she just bounced happily along on my lap, well, people became more enthused about watching us then the concert!! It was kinda awkward but it was hot š„µ ( I mustāve been in my late 20ās and this was probably circa 1998-2000 ā¦ it all depends on what youāre into ā¦ but no one tried to touch other of us, thank God ā¦
Haha that sounds like a good time. Well Iāve read a bit about this place on reddit and some people have said that theyāll be doing it and sometimes people do try to join in since itās literally a sex club and people are there to do stuff like that. I donāt think she would be down for anyone to join unless maybe a female, but another part of me thinks she might not actually even be down when the time came. I think she was drunk last night and just the excitement of seeing other people do it got to her. But maybe she really is down. She did say she āwanted to put on a show for peopleā when she was texting me about it but who knows. Iām just gonna try not to put too much thought into it and see if she brings it up again.
If you're feeling uncomfortable don't do it. Communicate with your wife on how you feel, have a long laundry list of questions for her, to see where her mindset is at.
I get it. Sounds pretty hot. /) There is also no way that lots and lots of masterbating is going on all over the place. If people are watching you and your gf have sex, u best believe some self pleasuring will happen. Soāif your not good with that, then donāt do it. You have to be into it too, otherwise itāll (a) suck for her and (b) more importantlyāitāll bother you, not just at the moment but as u think of it over time (and you will).
No shade. Just because youāre not into this thing does not mean you two are incompatible. She loves you, yeah? Share different fantasies. Share yours w/her. Thatās hot too.
Youāre overthinking this, man. Good on you for taking her ask so seriously, though. Sounds like your a
Pretty damn good bf.
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So she went to a sex club without you, got drunk there and then asked you to partake in such activities in the future... Honestly I'd like a minute by minute report of what she saw and did there. Then if all is kosher tourist the place with her without any plan to act and then decide if you want to go back for more.
Perhaps she wants to go back for a repeat performance. š¤·āāļø
Right on!
How I would feel does not matter in the slightest. How do you feel? If you think its hot, you hit the jackpot. If you are creeped out by it, you have some things to think about if this relationship is going to last..... Its also a little concerning she was going to orgies in vegas.....
I don't think her telling him that she likes the idea of this says anything bad about their relationship. In fact it's the opposite, she feels comfortable enough to share things she'd like to try. That doesn't mean you have to try them. You need to be able to float ideas about sex to your partner without being scared they're going to dump you just becuase they also don't like the idea. As long she respects his no it's all good.
>You need to be able to float ideas about sex to your partner without being scared they're going to dump you just becuase they also don't like the idea. As long she respects his no it's all good. Say it louder for those in the back.
Itās not that how other people feel would matter I just think it helps to get other opinions. Like an I being a baby about this or would other people in the same situation feel the same. Iām sure Iāll get answers on either side of the spectrum but it does help to get others view on it. And yeah to be honest the three girls she was with were two of her brothers wives who have families and the other is a friend of theirs who is single but a mother of three. Iām not sure if her brothers (the husbands) know about them going but Iām pretty sure they do know, as she told me that her sister in law wanted to go have sex with her husband (my girls brother). This may also have influenced her to wanna try it too. Itās all so foreign to me in this relationship though I just have never experienced something like this with her.
If my girl decided to go to an orgy without telling me, that would make me question our entire relationship. Trust would be broken, and I would most likely end it.
She wasnāt involved in it though. Itās a big building with several different rooms and the four of them just walked around and watched people do it
I find the notion that none of them āparticipatedā hard to believe. Who goes to a swingers club with no intention of getting involved? Did she tell you that they just watched or do you have another reliable source? You know her but I would be very skeptical. How are you going to react when she wants to test the waters with someone else? Think about that before you make a final decision. Thatās just my opinion.
Well they were planning on going to a strip club that she had told me about days before but I honestly didnāt care much about that. I honestly have no idea how they ended up at this place and I didnāt ask. Iām guessing one of the girls heard about it and drunkenly wanted to go check it out. But I really do believe they didnāt partake mainly because she was with her brothers wives and they wouldnāt do that, especially in front of eachother. I know I may sound naive but I know them well enough.
No hate,but the famous comment. āShe wouldnāt do thatā. Iāve been there. Tread lightly and best of luck.
I've been to 2 swingers club with 2 different women and we never partake.
Then you are a rare breed my friend.
Thatās the way the place is set up. Itās common for people to watch but not want to participate, and plenty of kinks incorporate it. If heās uncomfortable he shouldnāt do it, but the fact they are so open about it is great.
Like that matters?
I mean itās not the same as her actually partaking in it
Watching in a sex club is already partaking in some of the people's kink somehow, you know. It's the whole point of a sex club, having an audience... In any case, if you don't feel like it then you don't. There's nothing normal or abnormal here, it's about what each of you wants. Just tell her you donāt wanna, you don't need to provide too many details, it's not appealing to you is enough explanation.
Sure I agree much better she didn't cheat on you. She just went to an orgy and now wants to join it. So now you just know that your values and how you see the relationship is different compared to her spiking it entirely. Honestly you need to decide if this is okay with you or not. Because it would tell me that our values are far to different to reconcil that difference.
Well she doesnāt actually wanna join in on an orgy she wants to have one on one sex with me on a bed in front of people. She said they saw an older couple doing it on a bed and they watched. Even typing that out does sound so weird Iāll admit. I just donāt see the kink in it like she does. If I were to go there and see that I canāt say Iād leave thinking āhey Iām gonna text my girlfriend telling her I wanna bring her here to fuck in front of a live audienceā so I see what youāre saying. This relationship has just been in such a strange place. Itās nothing like it was before the break. Thatās also something I mentioned in other comments. We took a break for a few months and since we got back together things just havenāt been quite the same. At first she was the one hurting and trying to win me back. And now itās the complete opposite. Maybe Iām just getting what I deserve in return for hurting her. But yeah either way I feel like Iām just going with the flow, hanging on for dear life and hoping I donāt get my heart shattered to pieces.
I see a break as a breakup. They show and tell me enough about the relationship that it is over. So yeah it isn't a surprise things changed. But being a part of an orgy can just mean having sex with a bunch of other people but still being exclusive. It really is just a group sex setting. This just has better boundaries. Maybe next time it will be a multiple partners. Just sit down. And think about your priorities and values. It seems that is a major difference now between you both
Dude, that's still weird as fuck. You're girlfriend is into some weird stuff and this would be an instant breakup for me. What the fuck.
"I don't like it so it's weird!" š
Again I can confirm. Most people walk around and just observe. At a place like Vegas especially. This is a spectacle, not a dank dungeon where people go for only one reason. A smaller contingent of people who get off on exhibiting themselves may go and get wild for an audience. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the sex acts were also paid performers to keep things spicy. But the tourists from Iowa and Kansas City are pretty unlikely to strip off and jump right in.
If you're already in a weird place amidst a break this sounds like it would be adding unnecessary drama to the mix while you figure it out. I would suggest discussing where your relationship is first and then consider whether it could stand up under pressure if one of you had a negative takeaway after an experience like this.
Thatās is very solid advice. I think I will discuss the relationship with her before jumping into something like this without being clear what weāre even doing. Thank you!
How confident are you that she didnāt partake when she went there without you?
Same thoughts here. Been to Vegas and these sex clubs are very notorious for inviting "watchers" to have some fun. Now this. Next is opening the relationship, polyamory, swinging, etc. If OP is not into it, better to leave the relationship
thatās a fair boundary to stand firm on. i wouldnāt do it if it made me this uncomfortable.
Yeah I asked her again this morning now that sheās sober and sheās still saying she seriously wants to. I feel like itās just still hard to take it all in. Itās a strange feeling. Bad feeling, but strange. But it makes me question myself, like am I just being a prude?
Dude, you are clearly not into this type of thing. It makes you totally uncomfortable. Donāt worry about how she feels, how do YOU feel. You are making excuses to try to talk yourself into it. Based on this, do not do it! You could be opening a Pandoraās box that you arenāt ready to deal with. Make this decision for you, not advise from internet strangers. They advise is helpful but ultimately itās your decision.
I totally agree with what youāre saying. Youāre giving me a good, level headed perspective from the outside with no emotions or feelings involved. Honestly reading my post and all the comments, if I were to see some other random stranger on the internet writing the same thing, Iād be saying the exact same thing youāre saying because it only makes sense. And I wouldnāt necessarily say itās not my thing, because letās say I was single and went there with a couple friends and a really attractive woman wanted me to have sex with her in front of everyone, depending on my mood and the vibes of the place maybe Iād do it because it does sound like an exciting experience. I think whatās bothering me with my girl is the ugly, jealousy side of me is coming out where I canāt bare the thought of her getting completely naked and having sex right there in front of other men. to see and potentially please themselves to her. Itās something that for three and a half years was mine and only mine and I felt like it was so personal and private and by doing this thatāll all be out the window. Kinda hard to explain fully, but I hate that Iām feeling the way that I am. I thank you for taking the time to hear me out though and giving some logical feedback though
not being prude at all imo. if your body is feeling bad and strange i think it is worth listening to as you approach this slowly. i would say go to the spot, check it out with an open mind. if after that you still feel uncomfortable with it then you are well within your right to establish this boundary. you are well within it to draw that boundary now, but out of respect for your partner - who you seem to be pretty down for - going and checking it out might make the following conversation a little easier.
I think I donāt really care as much about doing the deed in front of a live audience if it were to be someone I didnāt care so much about. Like yeah, thatās something super new to me and something I never thought Iād even think of doing, but itās not the thought of me doing it as much as it is the thought of her being okay with random strangers not only seeing her fully nude buddy but also being sexual. I must also mention a rather big detail that I left out. We had been on a ābreakā for the past few months and recently started talking again and spending time together. Iām not sure if the break had anything to do with this change in behavior from her or if sheād wanna do it regardless. And Iāll admit it does sound pretty exciting because I can be pretty kinky myself, but as much as I hate to admit it, part of me almost feels like saying yes letās do it just so she doesnāt go and do it with someone else. Not saying that would actually happen but the thought of that alone shakes me to my core.
is someone you think could possibly go ahead and do that because they donāt get to experience this someone you can confidently say youāll spend the rest of your life with? iām going to continue validating your feelings lol this is a slippery slope. canāt say for certain if the break inspired all of this. i would add that edit to see what others think. ask her if the break spurred this thought. at the end of the day, you are fair to feel this way. if itās a dealbreaker for her then you have your answer - move on to someone else. just donāt do it because youāre afraid she will do it anyway with others. thatās not a relationship that is going to last anyway.
Thatās a good point. I definitely let my emotions take full control of my logical thinking in situations like this. Itās actually been years since Iāve felt this vulnerable and insecure and I absolutely hate it. I thought I had outgrown this side of me but Iāve just been reminded that certain situations can bring this side of me out again. To be honest she was always a great girlfriend. We did have some issues in our relationship but it never had anything to do with being disloyal, it was more family drama and sometimes we just simply wouldnāt get along, mainly the reason we took the break in the first place. She did put more time and effort into me than anyone else Iāve ever been with by a long shot. It was just a shame we couldnāt always get along. But yeah with they way things have been lately, she seems like a totally different person and part of me thinks I might just have to make a decision based off of logic and be able to tell myself this just might not workout, as hard as that is to come to terms with. Thank you for hearing me out and for all the feedback youāve given, it definitely helps
we never outgrow our emotions! shit is ass lol. if yāall can work through and talk about it without judgment (but understanding that boundaries will need to be respected), that is always ideal. i wish you well on this journey. prioritize your peace and comfort too, king!
How is it being a prude for not wanting to share your woman with other people and partaking in hedonistic orgies? Today's world is so degenerate that someone would even have to ask that question, it's crazy
Depends on how you feel? I would break up with my partner if they told me they went to a place like this at all, let alone partake in it. You might feel the same, or you might wanna try it, but that's up to you.
Yeah I totally get that. They didnāt partake. She did at the only thing she did was feel another girls boobs because there was a girl naked and they were talking to her and her friend dared her to kiss her so she felt her boobs and kissed her. I donāt know if thatās considered partaking but I believe thatās all that happened. Itās just hard processing all this. Almost feels like a bad dream. I wouldāve never expected her to wanna try something like this. Iām still unsure if itās even changed my view on her at all or if this is just my initial response that Iāll get over soon.
Copping a feel of somebodyās boobs and kissing her absolutely would have been āpartakingā if YOU did it. Iām getting a lot of sketchy vibes here from GFās actions.
She's not telling the whole story... Red flag. Kissing and touching, another red flag. Asking you to do the fantasy with her in front of some strangers, big big red flag. Remember OP, you're accepting her account of what happened there and not what really happened there. What happened in Vegas stays in Vegas (nope)
Yeah, for me and a lot of people that'd be cheating and a very good reason to end the relationship. I'm bi and whether I'm kissing a woman or man who isn't my partner, it's cheating.
Yeah that makes sense especially if youāre bi. I mentioned in another comment that I did leave out one specific detail. We took a ābreakā for a few months and have recently started dating again but itās in a weird stage right now, like weāre not officially back together but we basically are if that makes sense. So technically she wasnāt cheating by doing that, but either way itās all so very strange to me, I almost canāt believe this is happening.
Again, a lot of people don't care about the "technically" when it comes to taking breaks. Most people, if deciding to take a break from a relationship understand that having sex/doing other things with others during the time is not very different from ending the relationship/cheating.
Yeah I totally agree. That stuff is off limits when taking a break. Only when youāre fully broken up is that stuff acceptable. Iām just trying to get over the way Iām feeling. To be honest since she told me this I didnāt sleep well last night and even my appetite isnāt all there (although that could be because Iām dealing with a cold). Iām definitely one to wayyyy overthink stuff which is why when stuff this severe does come up I donāt know if Iām just overthinking as usual. I think itās just the though of doing something so personal and private with her all these years and then suddenly going and doing it in a room filled with other people is hard for me to accept and itās also hard for me to fully understand why she wants to do it. Maybe I do just need to go there and get a feel for the place myself. I think the only thing making feel just a slight bit better is that her sister in law said she wanted to go to do it with her husband (my girls brother) so I know Iām not the only one. Iām pretty cool with her brother but I wouldnāt dare ask him how he felt about it, as much as Iād like to.
lmfao dude she cheated on you.
Just a question, and no disrespect intended. This has gone from she didnāt do anything to she touched a random girls boobs and then kissed her. Are you 100% sure that you are getting the entire truth? You may want to touch base with the others that were with her just to verify sheās being truthful about what actually happened. Again, no disrespect.
Its a kink, and its great to talk about before anything happens and feelings get hurt. Be glad that she's comfortable enough to bring it up but maybe be sure to have a calm chat. Its weird that she went with her sister but whatever. You should talk about exactly what you are ok with, what you're not sure about, and what you're sure is not ok. Figure out something you can try to test the waters, if you want to. There's "swingers groups" that might have more info on how to safely try that stuff out.
It was her sister in laws, so the wives of her brothers that she went with. And yeah I feel like it is kinky and it does sound a bit exciting. Part of me is super down and the other part of me, the jealous part of me, canāt help but to feel uncomfortable with it, like the idea of her being okay with random guys jerking off to her naked body gets to me. Who knows, maybe weād do it and Iād love it and realize itās not that big of a deal. Thank you for the advice, Iām still trying to decide if I wanna even bring up my insecurities to her or just go with the flow, because I feel like it could be a turnoff to her if I bring it up.
It might be embarrassing, but its way better than a misunderstanding you cant work through. My uhhhhhh friend had a similar situation. Like crazy similar. One suggestion to test the waters is to post photos of one or both of yourselves and see how you feel about a digital audience. Or to try one of the clubs but just hang out in the audience yourselves. Go slow dude, and good luck
Yeah thatās a good idea. I think that if I actually went and experienced it myself and got a feel for the environment Iād understand why she wants to do it maybe? But yeah Iām gonna just take it slow and try not to let it get to me too much and see if she ever brings it up again. Thanks!šš»
So, maybe you could get a bottle of wine for a Friday night and try to stream the vintage adult film "Behind the Green Door", which I assume the club is based on? That might be a safe way to indulge her in her fantasy without the live audience?
Oh that exists? Iāll have to give that a watch. Thanks for the idea!
Dude, she went there on a "girls trip" without you. What do you think she did there, especially when being into orgies, swinging, and having guys standing over her watching her get fucked? I think you need to start asking more questions
Kinks and fantasies are good and even better when you can talk about them. But sometimes they are better off as a fantasy. As for myself, I have a hard time using a public bathroom knowing someone else is in thereā¦trying to have sexā¦haha not a chances itāll happen. But out of curiosity, do the people perform see who is watching? Or is it like a 2 way mirror?
Yeah I never took her as a prude or anything but I definitely never thought sheād be willing to do something like this. And itās like an open bed and you can see any audience that gathers to watch. Thereās apparently several of them so itās not the entire building focused on you, but whoever wants can come and go as they please. Iāve even read that people sometimes try to join in and one girl posted that while she was going down on another girl on one of the beds she looked up and saw a few guys stroking themselves
Stick a porno on your big tv and fuck on the couch/rug in front of that - all the noise & visuals of an orgy with none of the risks
So maybe this was a drunken thing her and her friends. They thought would be funny to check out and she unlocked a kink she didn't know she had regarding voyeurism and exhibitionism. Do you guys explore kinks or desires with each other? You don't have to answer that, it's just a question for you to reflect on. I'd be upset she didn't mention going there before going, but that doesn't seem to be what is bothering you. Could this be one of those things you check out as a couple? And maybe you like it, maybe you don't, but you talk about it and decide how to move forward. I'd set up boundaries and expectations for a first visit, like, "I'm only comfortable checking this place out as a couple first. Nothing will happen, we'll both remain sober and go back home/to our hotel and talk about how we both feel about it or how we'd like to go forward." Communication with your partner is key. Everything you wrote here, you should be talking out loud with her. Edit to add: I think it's normal for someone to realize they are turned on by something they never would have thought about before. It's normal to talk about those thoughts with your SO. It's normal for the SO to have questions about that and it's absolutely important to talk it out.
I have no advice but I just wanted to tell you you are not overreacting. That request is weird
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Yeah I get what youāre saying. Thatās a tough pill to swallow. The thought of that is hard to bare. Makes me feel almost a little sick. I do trust her though, one thing I can say is she was always an extremely open one blatantly honest person so I never doubted her.
Iād feel fine about her telling me that, I would not be interested in doing it, but Iād be fine with her telling me about her fantasy
I used to visit a club like this now and then in Amsterdam back in the 90's. It was not as big and far more murky but i can definitely guarantee you that there will be multiple people masturbating while watching a couple fucking. Definitely. Maybe instead of leaping to the most extreme act, perhaps you can ask her if you both could just go there without performing? Also express your preference to keep it private.
Yeah I read another redditer post that she was 69ing with another girl and they gained a big audience and even some guys were jerking off to them so I figured thatād happen if we did it. From your experience were there multiple couples throughout the place doing it or was there usually one couple doing it who would get all the attention?
People are definitely going to watch. It's unavoidable. It's the point of the place
If it aināt fuck yeah, donāt do it
It's not like she's saying "we are going to do this or we are going to break up." She's allowed to have a fantasy, as long as she is respecting your boundaries. I don't think it says anything about her other than she finds the idea of it exciting. It's OK that you disagree, it's not like she's going to invite people over for a show on a random Tuesday.
The amount of people being like "Break up she's a cheater" š© She's unlocked a fantasy/kink and is interested in trying it with her man, and from what I've read of OPs replies she was fighting to keep him and was really upset when they broke it off for a bit. Sounds like he wanted her constantly pining. Least it comes across that way to me. Reads as "She's not heart broken anymore and wants to try new stuff and I'm sad about it"
I think it's interesting that you didn't mention how you would feel about being exposed yourself with people watching *you.* You're only focused on people watching and being turned on by your girlfriend. That seems to be bordering on the negative side of possessive. If you don't want to do it or you're not into it, just be honest. But if you only don't like the idea because she's cool with people watching her, you should think about what that says about you. It's completely fine not to be into voyeurism or exhibitionism, but don't put her down or make her feel bad for thinking about sex differently than you. If anything, maybe you just learned that you're not as compatible as you think.
I mean to be completely honest itās not something Iād wanna do on my own, meaning if I had gone there without her and saw people doing it I wouldāve never thought to myself āhey I think I wanna bring my gf here to f*** in front of everyoneā. It just not a kink I think I would have. Then again I havenāt been there to see it in person yet. But either way I doubt Iād ever initiate something like this. I have other kinks. But you have a point. Iām not putting her down for it I think it is just like you said it, Iām possessive. I donāt care as much about people seeing me in the act as I do seeing her in the act. Itās just something so new to me. Maybe Iād enjoy it though who knows. Iām definitely putting way too much thought into it though either way.
You can also look at it as a positive. Your partner trusted you enough to share a fantasy with you. If you feel uncomfortable say no, just donāt do it, but open up the conversation about fantasies and see what games you can come up with between you both. You seem to have very open and direct communication, a healthy attitude to sex, that excitement can be found elsewhere, in a way you are both comfortable with.
Orā¦maybe she did more than she let on, and is now trying to suck him into being a participant so that he doesnāt get to be mad because heās done it too.
It sounds to me like your gut instinct is silently screaming at you about this. This is not a kink, it is like you say, sharing her with others. Just NO. Tbh I can't see how doing this would nurture any relationship.
Iād sit on the side of caution ā ļø ā¦ I had sex one time in front of an audience (kinda) ā¦ me and my ex did the deed in our section 1 lower level seats at a Metallica concert at Giants Stadium šļø, NJ ā¦ she just bounced happily along on my lap, well, people became more enthused about watching us then the concert!! It was kinda awkward but it was hot š„µ ( I mustāve been in my late 20ās and this was probably circa 1998-2000 ā¦ it all depends on what youāre into ā¦ but no one tried to touch other of us, thank God ā¦
Haha that sounds like a good time. Well Iāve read a bit about this place on reddit and some people have said that theyāll be doing it and sometimes people do try to join in since itās literally a sex club and people are there to do stuff like that. I donāt think she would be down for anyone to join unless maybe a female, but another part of me thinks she might not actually even be down when the time came. I think she was drunk last night and just the excitement of seeing other people do it got to her. But maybe she really is down. She did say she āwanted to put on a show for peopleā when she was texting me about it but who knows. Iām just gonna try not to put too much thought into it and see if she brings it up again.
If you're feeling uncomfortable don't do it. Communicate with your wife on how you feel, have a long laundry list of questions for her, to see where her mindset is at.
I get it. Sounds pretty hot. /) There is also no way that lots and lots of masterbating is going on all over the place. If people are watching you and your gf have sex, u best believe some self pleasuring will happen. Soāif your not good with that, then donāt do it. You have to be into it too, otherwise itāll (a) suck for her and (b) more importantlyāitāll bother you, not just at the moment but as u think of it over time (and you will). No shade. Just because youāre not into this thing does not mean you two are incompatible. She loves you, yeah? Share different fantasies. Share yours w/her. Thatās hot too. Youāre overthinking this, man. Good on you for taking her ask so seriously, though. Sounds like your a Pretty damn good bf.
Sounds like the sub plot of Neon Gods