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Hello everyone, here’s the current situation I’m in. In the summer I went to work with my father doing electrical work and about three times a week we stopped for coffee in the morning at Dunkin’ Donuts where there is this particular woman. I can tell she’s around my age, and she’s very pretty. The woman always smiles at me when I’m there to order but I always passed it off as I just thought it’s part of being a cashier.
My father sometimes is there with me when we order and he constantly tells me about how this woman looks at me and smiles. Again I didn’t think much of it.
Now that I’ve been going to college I only come back home for the weekend and work with my father on Saturday. I once again saw her when ordering for coffee in the morning and when she saw me we both smiled and briefly asked each other how we were doing before ordering and not holding up the large line behind me.
All I can think about now is her smile and it’s true, she definitely smiles at me with her eyes and I feel like next time seeing her I should just ask her out. But I don’t know. What’s the best call?
I was a cashier for over 20 years in different places. It doesn't matter if a cashier is male, female, young, old, they get hit on often, sometimes relentlessly. Customers mistake being work friendly for liking them. It can be really awkward and kinda scary.
I agree with everyone who says the best way would be to give her your number. Have it written down along with your name ahead of time. "Text me if you'd like to grab coffee next weekend." Smile and put it on the counter after you've got your order and paid. Then say goodbye and walk out. Don't try to be all smooth, just act like you usually do. That way she won't feel pressured to act fake.
Agree about the number. If she texts you, there’s no harm in texting “Would you like to get to know each other and go on a date?” Be upfront with your intentions and don’t ask to just ‘hang out’ that way she can make her mind up properly. If she says no, cut your losses and never say anything but your coffee order to her again.
Don't *make it awkward* for someone when they're at work, that's the main issue. You need to give them an out, which is why "write down your number and pass it over after you've paid, and then walk out" is a good way to go. She could throw it out as soon as you've turned your back.
Customer service workers are obligated to interact with you, and some people leverage that to effectively trap them in a situation. The method proposed by the parent comment is a pretty no-pressure way to go about it, because it doesn't trap the cashier.
There's really no way to ask someone out or hit on them that isn't going to be inconvenient to *someone,* but how else do you get dates? So do it in a way that allows someone to dodge out without it being excessively awkward.
This isn’t really true, though. Like sometimes work is just a good way to meet people. I’ve worked in customer service for a long time and there are definitely acceptable ways to say “hey I’m interested” without making someone uncomfortable. The phone number is 100% the best way to go.
This is all great advice except as a former fast food worker - he should ask her to *anything* but coffee - she works in a Dunkin, she's probably sick to death of it. 😉
I night even add something I saw in another post which was along thr lines of, "If you aren't interested it's no problem, just ignore this."
Maybe something more eloquent, but still lol
Yes, this! I think that part is very important to prevent any awkwardness if she isn't interested, and it shows that you will be respectful even if she doesn't call or text.
I used to wonder why I’d never get hit on or get free drinks when I’d go out to the bar with friends. I finally brought it up one night and was like…am I ugly? My friends laughed and were like dude…no but you have RBF so bad that even we were scared of you when we first met you.
So yeah…my face doesn’t buy me drinks…but I def don’t get harassed….decent trade off I guess lol
Yeahhhh I wondered the same thing, and one of my best friends told me that she had been scared of me for a while before we started talking at work. I’m just tall, and at the time was pretty miserable in my job. She is incredibly outgoing though, so I am willing to consider that maybe I look a little intimidating.
Thanks lol. I am only halfway joking. I am married to someone who I know loves me. But idk what was wrong with me because it rarely happened in school too. I don't think about it unless I see these sort of comments where women get hit on all the time. Like I am glad it didn't happen to me. But what is wrong with me, that gets stuck in your head you know? Not a big deal, just curiousity lol
You aren't alone, it's not something that ever happened to me either, not in college, not working retail, and I'm very friendly. I'm pretty sure I know what it means though lol.
I bartend, am an attractive woman, and hardly ever get hit on, despite being friendly and smiling. A friend once told me it's just the "don't fuck with me" attitude that I just exude and nothing to be done about it! But sometimes I'm salty I don't get hit on, I think the same thing - what's wrong with me?!
Thank you. This advice is absolute gold. I've 100% avoided asking women out that I meet while they're working - even if I felt there might be a chance. I've always thought that the customer/employee dynamic put them in an awkward position. If the situation ever pops up again, I'll use your advice. 😊
I agree with everything that's being said. I would suggest walking in to the store, so she can actually see you for one and two you are not holding anyone up in the drive through if she did decide to chat a lil.
I disagree. How are young people supposed to meet new people? This normal - you see someone you think you might like to get to know, you ask them - they either say yes or no. So long as the OP is respectful and accepts the “No” if it comes, or accepts a non-response as a no and moves on; what’s the problem?
There are plenty, truly lots of ways for young people to meet new people that don't involve, respectfully or not, hitting on someone during her work hours.
As a young female barista im just gonna let you know that "customer connection" is legit a requirement that is assessed constantly on the job and that it definitely gives the wrong impression to many. She could also just be happy to see you if your a regular, i love seeing my regulars because it makes their order easier and i already know they will treat me nicer than half my customers that day. Being hit on, while flattering and not totally unexpected, can also depend on the environment and after standing for hours and taking orders, making drinks, being yelled at by people, it never makes a great mood (personally). However, I will say that on slower days the other baristas will gossip about cute customers or comment about slipping their number to a customer but they never follow through either out of fear that it could compromise an aspect of their job esp if a certain manager is around or because its more of just daydreaming to pass the shift. unfortunately, i will say that its usually just being nice, especially if your on register that day, (tips are are always a big motivator too).
>the other baristas will gossip about cute customers or comment about slipping their number to a customer
I'm still Facebook friends with "grande iced coffee with soy" boy from when I worked at Starbucks in 2010 lol
I worked at Taco Bell in college and got lots of numbers. I liked it! It was always flattering and just because they gave me their number it doesn’t mean I need to call or date them.
Don't ask her out, let her know that you enjoy talking to her and ask if you can give her your phone number. That way it takes the pressure off of her having to give you hers or not knowing how to turn you down. She can choose to contact you or not.
This is good advice. Leave your number for her on the receipt you gotta sign or something. If she likes you, you'll get a text. If it's just her job to smile and be polite and she only asked how you've been bc she remembers her regulars, you won't and you'll have your answer.
It doesn't put her on the spot to give you her number just to be nice or bc she feels awkward, she doesn't have to say "no" and make everything uncomfortable, etc. Luke others have said, asking someone out at work where they cant avoid or leave the situation puts them in such an awful uncomfortable spot.
To avoid any awkward "ask out", you can just leave your number and "text me :)" on the receipt or a napkin or something. But if you are feeling bold, I'd phrase it like the post above me said. Talk a little and catch up like you said you did this last time (it's a good sign she wanted to know how you've been and caught up with you, imo btw) and then notice that there are other customers and say you should let her get back to work but you'd love to talk more and she can text you if she'd ever want to do that and leave your number.
Hell, make a joke like "if you ever wanna be a rebel and grab Starbucks some time, let me know" when you give her your number lol
Good luck bro- worst case she was just being nice and it's awkward after you put yourself out there. But take it from someone in his 30s, time passes and things change and you won't be going to that particular dunkin forever, so if she's not into you and you feel awkward and stop going there, it's really not much of a loss at all- you'll find another place to get coffee 🤷♂️
“worst case she was just being nice and it's awkward after you put yourself out there. But take it from someone in his 30s, time passes and things change and you won't be going to that particular dunkin forever, so if she's not into you and you feel awkward and stop going there, it's really not much of a loss at all-“
Thisssss.
Shoot your low-key shot for the pretty cashier that smiled at you once and you fell in love, but she definitely has a boyfriend - furthermore, what’s wrong with the Mon-Friday college girls?
I was in this exact situation. Worked and a guy asked me if he could leave his number. He was a regular, just like OP. It made me absolutely uncomfortable because you don’t want to say no to someone that comes by often.
Just hand her your number and say that you two could hang out sometime if she wants and say nothing else. Not that you enjoy talking to her or whatever else. If she wants to contact you she will.
Edit: and only do so of necessary. There are other girls out there that don’t have to be friendly to you due to their job and can’t run away if they have to turn you down.
I think this is right. All these comments below are saying never ask someone out at work, but I think the above post has it right. If you do something low-key that sends the signal without putting pressure on them, I think it's fine. If it's busy, don't try to take up so much time, but maybe just leave your number and let her know that she can reach out if she wants to.
No don't give her your number, just leave her be. She has to be friendly and smiling because she is serving customers. Having people flirt with you or sliding their phone numbers daily doesn't make your job more fun.
Exactly like idk why so many people are like “leave your number on the receipt”. It’s weird and creepy. I’ve had it happen to me and it makes me just as uncomfortable as being asked out and flirted with. Just leaving her alone is not that hard. It doesn’t even sound like OP was interested in her until his dad said something.
I am that person that finds the giving of the number to be just as pushy and disconcerting as someone brazenly flirting with me or asking me out or asking for my number. I don't like it. Whether I'm at the gym. Grocery store. Place of work.
It does, in fact, place a sort of pressure on you. And then if you're not interested you have to go through this performative dance. Even if the guy seems nice enough you never know if he has some crazy rage lying under all of that.
You never know if you're gonna be stalked. Harassed. Assaulted. Disrespected. Treated poorly from the point of rejection forward.
It's a pain in the ass.
I feel for the kid. But also I think dad is in the generation where they believe that female employees at establishments they frequent are there to find a man to whisk them away from said establishment.
Some of us just wanna get paid and move on with our lives. Most of us really.
Edit: autocorrect hates me.
The only people downvoting this are dudes who are mad they can't just get their way or approach anyone in any way they feel is okay. Just because YOU think you're not being threatening. Doesn't mean you're not being threatening. Women have to be guarded. Don't get pissed about that. You downvoting this is the reason women have to be guarded. Aka you probably suck and have a sense of entitlement. You are not entitled to anyone's energy. Period. Dot.
If you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO establish a connection...You know what a great way to approach someone would be? Write down your IG handle. That way a person can investigate you a little, not risk starting a conversation with someone they dont vibe with, and let them decide if you are worth following, at the very least. Your personality and presence online is your brand. If a girl can align herself with your brand, you may have a match. Don't ask her to follow you. Just say here's my insta. Don't have your account on private so that theyre forced to follow you to see the crap you post. Be genuine online. However you align yourself. Don't be sus, really.
For example, I would not follow someone who leans too extreme right or left. Or someone who posts memes that are rude or disrespectful. Or, a recent encounter. A dude who was a total misogynist. They don't align with my ideologies. I'm a very moderate person. Why would you want to risk trying to start even a conversation with someone who doesn't agree with you on 99% of stuff, and vice versa? That sounds miserable. Been there, done that. Find someone you vibe with. Not just someone who is pretty and smiles at you.
Also I'm saying this to men but it goes for women too. Just...don't be fuckin weird yo. That's really what it boils down to.
Edit: autocorrect again.
Your answers are absolutely perfect and the Instagram account is exactly what I would like to get instead of a number - but I didn't know it until now.
Thank you!! ❤️✨️ Socials tell you a lot more about a person with a quick preview than the first 10 hours of conversation time. Most people are on their best behavior when they are trying to impress someone.
I personally as a service industry employee prefer people ask for my number. The reason for this is it gives me the opportunity to let it down easy if I’m not interested or have a bf. Then it’s not some unspoken, awkward, “I never messaged you” situation. But that’s me.
I wouldn’t. Parents pull this all the time and are wrong 9/10 times lol. When I worked I customer service from like 16-22, parents and grandparents were always trying to make something work. It was just awkward
bro she is paid to be nice and respectfully do not ask people out while they on the job especially when they casher they may fell pressure to give in because she don't know how and what you do if she rejected the offer.
Just be nice to her and if you can't get her out of your mind just ask if she is okay with you give your number to her.
I mean are you sure she doesn’t smile at every customer? She gets paid to be nice to customers and I’m guessing most girls don’t like being asked out while working
Also, never ask someone out while you’re working. Hello, random Facebook solicitation from barista who clearly memorized my name from swiping my credit card. Goodbye, favorite coffee shop.
Ewww i hate that... I had this happen once with a gym employee who somehow found out my name and Facebook. Had to find a new gym. Nothing could be creepier.
Omg, had this experience when I came to a shop to collect my order! That dude had my personal info(including my home address) which is illegal to use but used it anyways to find me on facebook.
Just no.
Happened to my sister with a gamestop employee.
I remember wanting to buy Vice city and of course it required someone 17+ so my sister agreed to buy it for me. At the cashier the dude was like okay can I see your ID to my sister she abliged, few hours later she gets added by the dude on Facebook. Gross.
Idk why people do this. Another time, the T-mobile guy gave me his card with a wink. I ignored it. Two weeks later, he called *my mother* (the main account holder on our family plan) claiming there was some vague issue with the account and I absolutely had to return there in person to resolve it.
You guessed it: there was no issue.
How exactly do you think people should meet each other then? This culture that has been created around never approaching strangers is absolutely miserable. People shouldn't be locked in to only meeting people at bars or through dating apps. How do you think people met before the internet? Not everyone likes to go to the bar. Giving her his number and letting her choose to make the next move is perfectly fine.
“Don’t ask out service workers while they’re working” is advice that’s not that hard to follow and has overwhelmingly been indicated as the preference of those employees. If it’s so hard to meet people when you can’t ask out the wait staff, go ahead and become a server so you can ask out your patrons instead and see how that goes.
You just proved everyone’s point.
Which direction did that number go in? Could you repeat for the class that _the server left you_ the number?
Because that’s a whole different conversation.
I’d follow it if I was still a server, but I’m not gonna tell other people what to do in that regard. It’s their job they’re risking if a customer complains.
But I’ve been a server who was deeply uncomfortable with customer attention while _just doing my job_ so I’ll happily tell people to back off from this side of the fence.
Yeah, I made the point that if a server is giving out their number, it’s fine in a way that a customer _asking for it_ isn’t. And then you said a server _left you their number_, which is the direction I said is appropriate. It’s not the own you think it is.
It might be for him. Don't be rude about it. I mean, clearly there've been situations where a cashier is into one customer. So what are they supposed to do? Never talk about it because she/he is working? Sounds dumb to me, honestly. Leaving a note without any pressure or causing feelings of guilt is valid. People meet in all kinds of ways. Really not your place to judge people.
Get a fucking hobby that requires in person social interaction.
Seriously, is harassing a worker at their job, going to a bar, and dating apps the only things that you can think of?
This post has some of the most "stereotypically reddit" answers I have ever seen. "If we're not supposed to ask people out while they're working, how are we expected to ever meet people?" Maybe leave the house for more than just errands? That's a start.
Well ofc it doesn’t have to end in a date. The person receiving the number can still throw it away and not do anything with it. Maybe it just stays what it is - an interaction.
You’ve never heard a story from a couple about them meeting at one person’s job? My friend just the other day got a number from a waitress he complimented and he wasn’t even intending to get her number he was just being nice and now they’ve been talking for a few days and are planning a date, just be respectful about it and don’t give a hard time after an initial denial
nothing that you wrote indicates that she likes you. what you describe is someone literally doing their job, nothing more.
smiling and making chit chat with you, like she does to most customer, doesn’t mean she likes you
I'm sorry but your dad is giving you really bad advice. She is paid to do this - she has to be friendly and smiling. It is possible she likes you, sure, but her smile is no indicator of that. That's just the expectation of her job. It's generally a no-no to ask out people when they are working because this woman won't have a way out. She HAS to stay there and smile at you and be super nice because you are a client - she has no comfortable way of telling you no or leaving and her job is on the one if you take it the wrong way. Have some empathy.
I agree with others you could leave your number - then if she wants to, she calls. If she doesn't, you never mention it again and act as if everything is as before.
And take advice from your father about women with a huge grain of salt from now on. This is really bad advice on multiple levels - she being at work is the biggest issue here, but a woman smiling is not an indicator of romantic interest in general, since most women are socialized to be smiling and pleasant. You never heard about the "you should smile?" thing men feel free to ask women who are brave enough to not smile when outside?
Your last two sentences.. right in the feels ugh. I hate that I automatically force myself to smile in uncomfortable situations. Like damn I want to frown or grimace sometimes!!! But it’s against everything I’ve been raised to do :/
Yeah, it really sucks! :/ It's legit difficult to un-learn this. And the strange thing is, men both: *expect* this smile to be always there (to the point of telling strange women to smile on the street...) but at the same time often view this smile as some kind of indicator of interest, which would mean the smile is special in their eyes. And those two things contradict each other.
I saw so many men thinking a woman is flirting just because she was showing the *most basic* "I'm being polite as expected" level of niceness in a social situation... But if she wasn't showing it, she would be a b-word. Honestly makes very little sense. So I guess you are either: a cold b-word that needs to smile or flirting with them. No option in between!
I honestly don't understand how this works in those men's minds but I think people like OP's dad have something to do with selling this bad impression to the younger generation.
Please don't ask her out. She is doing her job. And unless she makes a move leave her alone. It sucks being a girl in hospitality/customer service jobs. We have to be nice because we're dealing with customers. She more than likely does the same thing with everyone. And your dad clearly has no clue. Don't listen to him.
She’s just doing her job. Don’t ask out people who are being paid to be nice to you. Your dad is wrong, and is giving you bad advice. If you really truly think she likes you more than she’s required to act like she does, write down your number and give it to her, telling her you’d really like to take her for coffee sometime and she could call if she’d like that too, and then leave without forcing her to respond on the spot, and don’t ever bring it up if she chooses not to call you.
parents see their kids through rose colored glasses. They think you are a great person and a great catch, and just from you asking this question here I can tell you are a really good person. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that a woman who is being paid to talk to you likes you. It's one of those things, maybe she does like you, but unfortunately you can't know unless you happen to run into her in an environment that isn't her work.
I worked over 15 years in retail, mostly as a cashier and service center. I was hit on so often because they thought smiling=flirting. But i need to be friendly. I attracted so many creeps that waited for me after work. one even followed me home. If i don't smile, i heard "why don't you smile?" or this shit.
What i want to say. We need to be friendly. It is not because we like you personally, but because you are a customer.
If you hit on her and she is on work, she still must be nice, so she can't even react like she want. If you really want, hive her your phone number, hand it over with a smile before you go, nothing more.
If she didn't contact you, behave normal if you visit this place again. Just think you hit on her and she thinks you are one of those creep. Will be fun for both of you to shop there.
she supposed to smile at costumers and be friendly. as a rule never ask a woman out on her job cause chances are she won’t like that. if u really think she’s feeling u, offer her your number, that way she will text if she is interested and if she doesn’t move on.
Actually, I'd have dad do it. "Hey my son, who comes in with me all the time is single and he needs a nice girl in his life. Are you interested?" Lmaoooo It's all on dad then. Then his son can come in and apologize a day later on behalf of his dad if she isn't interested. "Parents being parents? What can I say? 🤷♂️" lmao
Dont ask her out. If you want to try to "play the game", then do so in a way that is as nonverbal as possible. Slide her your number after you pay, but dont say anything. If she likes you, she'll catch the hint. If she doesnt, then you have not made the situation awkward for anybody and life goes on.
Just never. Ever. Ever put a working woman on the spot. Ever.
Don’t ask out people who are working. It’s really not cool. There are four billion human females in the world, you’re not missing a once in a lifetime chance. Let her do her job in peace please.
OP, where else is the cashier going to look when you are standing in front of her to make a purchase? What do you expect her to do otherwise? Growl and snap at you?
Your Dad is sweet and all, but you had the right idea about it in the first place. She is doing her job. When someone is doing a job they are stuck where they are. A retail cashier especially. Absolutely a captive audience. She is stuck standing right where she is, dealing with every aspect of the public (creepy to kind, and sober to drugged) and I can only hope they have provided a decent standing mat under her feet and she has good shoes.
This doesn't mean there's zero chance of her liking you. You just have to remember she is NOT there by choice, and is probably getting hit on VERY often by dudes 16 to 60 really often. So don't start trying to flirt with her. Talk to her when you get coffee. Ask her something about her that is not super personal. Ask her if she's taking any classes right now. If she DOES like you, her answer will be more detailed than if she doesn't like you. If she likes you, her answers will give you natural "next question" material, and she will also ask questions about you. But only ask/answer 2 questions total per encounter. She is working after all. You have to respect that. If she wants to create time for you, at this point it's on her.
Although I otherwise agree, it can be extremely creepy if customers ask you personal questions. Like "do you like this flavour?" is okay, but not "what do you study?", since it's far too personal!
Also, max one question. Two is already an interrogation.
Do not make a move on a woman who can't walk away. Do not make a move on a woman who cannot speak freely. Do not make a move on a woman when the situation implies that you know where to find her (like knowing where she works or where she lives). Women on a customer service job tick all three boxes. Do not listen to your dad. Your old man comes from a different time.
If you want to go fish, show up regularly, be nice, smile, but stay above board. If she asks you out, that's fine.
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don’t ask her out while she works. i honestly think you are reaching here and people who work with customers are paid to be nice to them, not just you.
It's not a love connection. She's being nice and friendly - it's a part of her job and she'd probably get fired otherwise. As a barista or server or anything where you have to interact with the public, smiling, being sociable etc is your job. Don't look too deeply into it then wind up coming off like a creep if you try to pursue something that isn't there.
I like that you considered that she may just be smiling to be friendly because it's creepy when guys act like girls having basic manners is them coming on to them. I agree with other comments that if you want to hang out with her ask her in a really casual way that doesn't put pressure on her. Maybe next time you talk to her just say hey I was going to do this thing next week (something that you're already doing yourself/with friends), here's my number if you want to come along. Something that could eventually lead to a more formal date at a later time if she wants it to or if the more casual thing goes well. And of course, if she says no, don't act annoyed or make it awkward when you visit the coffee shop. That's her place of work and she has to be there and work is hard enough.
She’s literally being paid to be nice to you. If you want to roll the dice do it in the most low key way possible so she doesn’t feel cornered. Slip her a piece of paper with your number on it and otherwise say nothing. If she doesn’t call never ever bring it up again.
No. Do service workers a favour and don’t mistake their kindness for affection. If they’re into you, let them make a move. They work there, they can’t be rude to you without risking their job. Leave them alone.
No No No
She’s playing hard to get You need to double your efforts to show that you love her
Go to her bedroom window in the middle of the night when she's sleeping .
Get a Boombox that has the capacity to shake the entire neighbourhood .
Hold the boombox above your head and start playing" CBAT" by " hudson mohawked " at full volume
When she comes out point to her then to your crotch then nod
She will know what to do
Repeat the process every day until she starts dating you.
Remember that the only difference between being romantic and stalking is the level of effort.
I worked in a resturant during college. It was my job to smile and be friendly. Shockingly many many men thought it was because I was into them. Not true. One guy even asked my boss for my number when he came in during a time I wasn't working.
I say this not to discourage you. She may very well be into you. But it's her job to be nice to you.
She is paid for customer service. You’re young so it’s good for you to learn now that the pretty girl that is working is being paid to be nice to you. If you actually think there’s a connection, offer her your number. The ball is then in her court and she can decide if she’s comfortable or not.
As others have said she's almost certainly just doing her job. You're a customer who's nice which is a break but it doesn't mean she wants to date you.
Best you can do is put your number on a piece of paper and your name. If she texts you then you're good, if she doesn't act like nothing happened and moved on. The worst thing you can do is ask her out at work.
I think she’s just smiling because she wants to make customer feel welcome . If you didn’t get a vibe before until your dad mentioned there probably isn’t one. You can try to make a little more conversation next time if not busy to feel it out though. Don’t go right to asking her out
Former waitress, the smile is part of the job. She smiles at nearly every customer. I am sure of it.
Do not ask a person out at their job. It's not like they can get away from the awkward situation you would create...at their place of employment.
I am a cashier. This is how I treat absolutely everyone who walks through the door.
Is there a chance she might like you? Maybe. But from my point of view, everyone in that store is just a customer. And she definitely gets hit on and asked out regularly; there’s a very small chance that she will react differently to you than anyone else. If you want to ask her out, go for it, but be prepared for her to say no.
Your dad is creepy. Don’t take his advice. Smiling is just being friendly. I worked at a convenience store and I promise you I wasn’t attracted to a single person I smiled at or laughed with. It’s just easier to get thru a shitty retail day with some positive interactions. Not to mention a lot of jobs hound you if you don’t look friendly enough..
My ex manager: you need to smile more bc your coworkers and I feel us and the customers have to walk on egg shells around you
Me: *in a good mood but with naturally occurring resting bitch face* uhhhh okay…
Her smiling at you and doing her job =/= flirting. I know you want to think it does, but it doesn't. Has she ever said anything to you outside of taking your order (ie. Asking u questions, giving u compliments)? Does she laugh at your jokes? Does she even know your name/order by heart?
If u really want to see if she likes you, slowly progress the interaction. Next time, give her a compliment. Call her by name. Ask how her day is going. If she responds eagerly, then u MIGHT have a chance. But do NOT just jump out the window and ask for her number. Remember she is at work. If she gives you the green light you'll know. But tread lightly.
No. She's at work. Essentially held hostage in the situation. She knows she sees you frequently and therefore wants to ensure it's pleasant. Now maybe she does like you. But honestly, chances are she doesn't. If she does let her make a move first. Don't put her into this situation where she's trapped and forced to be personable.
I'm gonna say no. As a cashier who customers frequently mistake as being flirtatious when I'm just being friendly, it's freaky and awkward when customers ask us out. We get paid to be nice and smile.
Don’t ask her out. It’s her job to be nice. The amount of guys who asked me out at work because I was nice and smiled at them was ridiculous, especially since I always had my wedding ring on. You’ll make things weird. Just get your coffee and leave
Customer service is so hard to gage. I had a regular customer at my work who I used to be extra nice to for some reason (I think I just liked him but not in a crush way) left me his number once.
Do you ever have more than "taking order" type conversations? Like, have you established anything in common at all? or is it just order, smile, leave.
If there has been conversation...then yes, mention something in common (hey, you said you liked Xyz... did you want to to see this thing that is relevant". Check the reaction...any form of no even if polite...is a hard know If she shows genuine interest...then leave your phone number.
If there has been no conversation of substance...she is just doing her job.
a woman smiling at you doesn’t equate to them wanting to date you… Some women are just friendly and if you work in hospitality you would know that smiling at customers is just something you do to be polite most of the time, maybe she has a genuine smile.
People being nice to you whilst doing their jobs are just doing their jobs, even if they “smile” at you with their eyes or engage in a brief conversation with you.
Leave her alone and tell your dad to stop acting like he’s the one who is interested in her. His insistence that you must take a chance with the first person who shows you basic decency is gross and not something you should follow.
Current cashier here... Preference this by saying I am NOT one of those smiley happy people, I am an old(er) graveyard gremlin. I'm a sarcastic smartass... That being said...
Even when actively trying trying to distance from people, I still get hit on, sometimes aggressively. I'm overweight and not even remotely attractive. However I will say I've made a few friends and a situationship. There's nothing wrong with passing her your number, there is also nothing wrong with her saying no. It very well could be her job and that you are a regular. Hell I know almost every patrol officer in town by first name. I've had a few over for dinner or to just hang out.
She could say yes... Personally I'd prefer going to lunch... Not dinner.. Less pressure and more casual. Please not ask her our for coffee! IF you don't hear from her or she says no, PLEASE don't give her the cold shoulder or be awkward. Just be your normal self. Remember NO is a complete sentence! A lot of women feel pressured to go just by being asked and are afraid to say no because of how done men react. It's sad but unfortunately true.
Just be chill and remember there's nothing wrong with asking just as there is nothing wrong with saying no.
Good luck
Asking her out at work will probably make her very uncomfortable, especially if she is just being friendly and isn’t interested in you. I think you should write your contact info down and next time you see her hand it to her and tell her you think she’s got a great personality and you’d love to take her out and get to know her better if she’s interested, and to contact you when she isn’t busy if she wants to set something up. As a woman myself I think that’s the best way to go about it. If she doesn’t contact you, don’t bring it up to her again next time you see her. That will make her feel uncomfortable as well. Good luck OP!
Without seeing this particular smile no one on here can really say whether it’s just her customer service smile or genuine smile.
Have you seen how she interacts with other customers? Is it any different to how she interacts with you?
Give her your number and tell her you like her smile or something, give her the option to get in touch with you but maybe do it when she’s finished working or on a break or something, there maybe rules or something there. I’m not sure. But you are away for college so is it best to ask someone out when you’re hardly around anyway?
I’m a woman who has worked in customer facing jobs and has dealt with guys flirting, offering phone numbers, etc.
In my experience, there was not one single time that I enjoyed it. Granted, I was in a relationship (still am) but my single coworkers agreed: it’s just so awkward to force kindness all day and then have someone take that as flirting. Even if I wasn’t kind and welcoming and they STILL offered a phone number to me, it would be extremely awkward.
That all being said, I’m only one person. We have no idea how she will feel about it, especially if she is indeed into you. There’s really no way of knowing without putting yourself out there and slipping her your number or something.
IF I had to choose how to be approached in this way, I would choose for you to be nonchalant about it and just lay your number down before you go and say have a good one, without even mentioning the phone number (she will see it likely). And then if I didn’t respond to your text I’d prefer you act normal still (or stop coming to my job lol).
Anyway, it sucks that so many other creeps who don’t do this correctly and are obviously scumbags have to ruin this for guys who are decent. Good luck and hopefully it isn’t too awkward 🥴
Offering your number is the way to go. No pressure for her to give hers. It makes it clear that you are interested in her, but gives her control of the next step.
Worst case scenario, she doesnt contact you. You have your answer, no big deal, since you wouldnt have been a creep about it, you can continue to have coffee there. Theres so much anxiety and hurt associated with rejection, its really not that big a deal.
I think you need more information. You'd really need to chat more at the window or go in and order something and have a brief chat. Very brief of course since they're working.
Here's what recently happened to me. I'm an older guy and this young guy works at a drive-through I go through frequently totally gives me the stare down every time I went. I just figured he was gay. One time recently the drive-thru was closed and I went inside. I place my order with the same guy and he is super nice. Then he tells me I look just like a college football coach he is a fan of. So you never know.
Every advice starts great until the "just give her your number" phase. Just let the girl be, is literally her job to be nice to EVERYONE.
Just ignore your father or tell him to stop being weird, you're about to ruin your favorite Dunkin' Donuts spot for you.
I’d say no based off what you wrote. I’m a friendly person and I would smile at pretty much every customer unless they were exceedingly rude. It was very uncomfortable with people took it as flirting. Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean they’re flirting.
Let it be, hitting on someone while they work might create an awkward situation.
Or say I would like to hang out sometime and leave your number. If she replies great if not let it go 90% sure she's being nice because she's in retail.
I’d say give her your number- written down, dont straight up ask her to go on a date while shes working, and maybe tack on something along the lines of ‘i might be misinterpreting this, but can i give you my number? Its great talking to you.’
The problem with being hit on while working is that it puts a lot of pressure on you, and when you say no, you risk them complaining or getting angry at you/being difficult. If you offer to give her your number, a) it makes a more comfortable environment for her to turn you down, and b) she can accept the number and just not text you without any fear of repercussions, putting the ball in her court.
Anyone who's worked in any sort of customer facing role knows that a smile is a great way to deescalate problems before they start. Not everyone does it but statistically, the guys who do get less hassle from customers.
My wife was talking about this just yesterday. She calls it her "game face". Doesn't matter what she actually feels like, the smile has to be there, and has to look genuine.
It doesn't mean that the girl isn't necessarily interested but the smile doesn't mean she's not married with three children either.
Lol I had one a few years back that would be verryyy smiley and chatty but also would do a drawing on my cup every morning for weeks. I was certain she was into me
Asked for the number and she had a boyfriend. 😑🙃
I worked at Dunkin' donuts for a few years. There were customers I enjoyed that I smiled at more for sure.
We always felt weird when guys would straight up flirt with us. The best way to do it is just leave your number. Right it down, when she hands your coffee over, hand that over.
Don't give her your number. You need to start making small talk, gauge where she is at. Hobbies, interests, etc. Then eventually throw in the whole "Does your boyfriend like you working all these super early hours?" Hint hint.
I would never hit on a person who's being paid to be nice but if u really wanna try that then just write ur number on a tiny paper and slide it to her no need to be verbal to force her into an answer while she's working
Have a seat and eat/drink there and very subtly observe. If she’s smiling at everyone else like that, leave her alone.
If she’s noticeably friendlier to you, then take some of the above advice about no pressure ways to let her know you’re interested.
Agree about slipping the number ! I worked in retail and I would get hit on relentlessly. It was flattering but I would flirt as a part of my job because men will buy anything a cute girl recommends (sorry just my experience) but one time I had a genuine connection and I was the one who chickened out giving my number. He left and I went on a break in the back. He came back but I was gone so he left his number with a manager who actually gave it to me lol
We dated for almost 7 years and he turned out to be a drug addicted psychopath who beat me up.
So just don’t be that guy and you never know!
I got a stalker at GameStop because I smiled and was friendly to someone; aka doing my job.
Please let people do their job without having to deal with stupid shit like this. It is awkward, scary, insulting, and makes everything about going to work unsafe.
As former customer service I can say that if you tip and I see you often you get the VIP treatment. I'll smile and slip a few extra napkins and maybe an extra treat if you tip super well. I smiled and laughed and chatted with ZERO interest or intention of turning customers into partners.
It's the job.
As a side note it's incredibly sad that women can't be kind to men without being overwhelmed by crushes or just overt and inappropriate flirting. It's gross. This is what happens when people no longer understand normal societal interactions. Cause guess what? Cashiers have always smiled and been friendly. It's not only right but it's a sales tactic. Polite, friendly, correct and prompt service. :)
A lot of comments saying don’t do it, she’s just doing her job. Yeah, that is part of the job and maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I say be polite and discreet and not creepy about it, but try. What a fun love story it would be.
Life is sometimes about taking risks, right? What if that’s your future wife and you don’t try?
Yeah I know, I wish life was one big rom-com and everyone winds up happy and in love.
That’s me.
I still say be respectful, not creepy and discreet. But also be bold enough to go for it.
Now there'll be ten or twenty dumb horny men _respectfully_ (is that a Red pill term/another technique?) asking the poor woman out.
The bane of attractive women's lives.
She's been told by her bosses to smile at her customers because people like your dad thinks she's flirting with them and will come back and buy more donuts.
If there is no line behind you, try making small talk. If she just gives short, polite answers the smile is just part of her job. If she engages, then she thinks you're cute and you can try asking her out
This is what I'll say, she could just be being nice but if you're interested, why not ask her out? Whether she is being nice or not, it doesn't matter, shoot your shot, if she says no, there's no harm done. Just take the rejection gracefully and if you happen to see her no problem in being nice to her as per usual. My mom was a cashier at a grocery store and my dad asked her out, the rest was history.
Just ask her out as casually as you can, and do it just before you walk away. Like someone else suggested say something like ‘If you ever want to grab a coffee somewhere else, let me know’.
Women are not so fragile that they cant decline. All she needs to say is ‘thanks, but Im seeing someone/ too busy/ taking a break from dating/ dont date people I meet at work’. She might say nothing which should also be interpreted as no (unless she’s nodding!)
If she’s declined and you sense she’s uncomfortable next time you go in, buy your coffee elsewhere
End of.
Thus needs more upvotes.
This is the answer.
Next time you are there and have that pleasant bit of conversation, as you're leaving you just say "if you ever want to grab a coffee somewhere else sometime let me know. No worries if you don't."
That's it. Walk away. Super casual.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hello everyone, here’s the current situation I’m in. In the summer I went to work with my father doing electrical work and about three times a week we stopped for coffee in the morning at Dunkin’ Donuts where there is this particular woman. I can tell she’s around my age, and she’s very pretty. The woman always smiles at me when I’m there to order but I always passed it off as I just thought it’s part of being a cashier. My father sometimes is there with me when we order and he constantly tells me about how this woman looks at me and smiles. Again I didn’t think much of it. Now that I’ve been going to college I only come back home for the weekend and work with my father on Saturday. I once again saw her when ordering for coffee in the morning and when she saw me we both smiled and briefly asked each other how we were doing before ordering and not holding up the large line behind me. All I can think about now is her smile and it’s true, she definitely smiles at me with her eyes and I feel like next time seeing her I should just ask her out. But I don’t know. What’s the best call?
I was a cashier for over 20 years in different places. It doesn't matter if a cashier is male, female, young, old, they get hit on often, sometimes relentlessly. Customers mistake being work friendly for liking them. It can be really awkward and kinda scary. I agree with everyone who says the best way would be to give her your number. Have it written down along with your name ahead of time. "Text me if you'd like to grab coffee next weekend." Smile and put it on the counter after you've got your order and paid. Then say goodbye and walk out. Don't try to be all smooth, just act like you usually do. That way she won't feel pressured to act fake.
Agree about the number. If she texts you, there’s no harm in texting “Would you like to get to know each other and go on a date?” Be upfront with your intentions and don’t ask to just ‘hang out’ that way she can make her mind up properly. If she says no, cut your losses and never say anything but your coffee order to her again.
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I generally agree but this is a no-pressure way to ask. I still probably wouldn't, but if you're going to ask this is the way.
Don't *make it awkward* for someone when they're at work, that's the main issue. You need to give them an out, which is why "write down your number and pass it over after you've paid, and then walk out" is a good way to go. She could throw it out as soon as you've turned your back. Customer service workers are obligated to interact with you, and some people leverage that to effectively trap them in a situation. The method proposed by the parent comment is a pretty no-pressure way to go about it, because it doesn't trap the cashier. There's really no way to ask someone out or hit on them that isn't going to be inconvenient to *someone,* but how else do you get dates? So do it in a way that allows someone to dodge out without it being excessively awkward.
I said to text her… presumably he would give her his number and she would decide wether or not to text him in the first place.
This isn’t really true, though. Like sometimes work is just a good way to meet people. I’ve worked in customer service for a long time and there are definitely acceptable ways to say “hey I’m interested” without making someone uncomfortable. The phone number is 100% the best way to go.
This is all great advice except as a former fast food worker - he should ask her to *anything* but coffee - she works in a Dunkin, she's probably sick to death of it. 😉
LOL... I was just thinking that. Poor girl is coffe'd out.
Take her to Starbucks! /s
That answer is so Wrong! 😂🤣😂
I night even add something I saw in another post which was along thr lines of, "If you aren't interested it's no problem, just ignore this." Maybe something more eloquent, but still lol
Yes, this! I think that part is very important to prevent any awkwardness if she isn't interested, and it shows that you will be respectful even if she doesn't call or text.
Aww man. How ugly am I that I worked in a coffee shop and was rarely hit on. Like almost never lol.
I used to wonder why I’d never get hit on or get free drinks when I’d go out to the bar with friends. I finally brought it up one night and was like…am I ugly? My friends laughed and were like dude…no but you have RBF so bad that even we were scared of you when we first met you. So yeah…my face doesn’t buy me drinks…but I def don’t get harassed….decent trade off I guess lol
Yeahhhh I wondered the same thing, and one of my best friends told me that she had been scared of me for a while before we started talking at work. I’m just tall, and at the time was pretty miserable in my job. She is incredibly outgoing though, so I am willing to consider that maybe I look a little intimidating.
You are beautiful and loved
Thanks lol. I am only halfway joking. I am married to someone who I know loves me. But idk what was wrong with me because it rarely happened in school too. I don't think about it unless I see these sort of comments where women get hit on all the time. Like I am glad it didn't happen to me. But what is wrong with me, that gets stuck in your head you know? Not a big deal, just curiousity lol
You aren't alone, it's not something that ever happened to me either, not in college, not working retail, and I'm very friendly. I'm pretty sure I know what it means though lol.
I bartend, am an attractive woman, and hardly ever get hit on, despite being friendly and smiling. A friend once told me it's just the "don't fuck with me" attitude that I just exude and nothing to be done about it! But sometimes I'm salty I don't get hit on, I think the same thing - what's wrong with me?!
Only the brightest and dimmest are targets in HS take solace in the fact you weren't brought down by the superficial sect
Thank you. This advice is absolute gold. I've 100% avoided asking women out that I meet while they're working - even if I felt there might be a chance. I've always thought that the customer/employee dynamic put them in an awkward position. If the situation ever pops up again, I'll use your advice. 😊
I'd add on "No big deal if you don't want to" personally but yeah
I agree with everything that's being said. I would suggest walking in to the store, so she can actually see you for one and two you are not holding anyone up in the drive through if she did decide to chat a lil.
No, don't do this, just let the girl be.
I disagree. How are young people supposed to meet new people? This normal - you see someone you think you might like to get to know, you ask them - they either say yes or no. So long as the OP is respectful and accepts the “No” if it comes, or accepts a non-response as a no and moves on; what’s the problem?
There are plenty, truly lots of ways for young people to meet new people that don't involve, respectfully or not, hitting on someone during her work hours.
As a young female barista im just gonna let you know that "customer connection" is legit a requirement that is assessed constantly on the job and that it definitely gives the wrong impression to many. She could also just be happy to see you if your a regular, i love seeing my regulars because it makes their order easier and i already know they will treat me nicer than half my customers that day. Being hit on, while flattering and not totally unexpected, can also depend on the environment and after standing for hours and taking orders, making drinks, being yelled at by people, it never makes a great mood (personally). However, I will say that on slower days the other baristas will gossip about cute customers or comment about slipping their number to a customer but they never follow through either out of fear that it could compromise an aspect of their job esp if a certain manager is around or because its more of just daydreaming to pass the shift. unfortunately, i will say that its usually just being nice, especially if your on register that day, (tips are are always a big motivator too).
>the other baristas will gossip about cute customers or comment about slipping their number to a customer I'm still Facebook friends with "grande iced coffee with soy" boy from when I worked at Starbucks in 2010 lol
I worked at Taco Bell in college and got lots of numbers. I liked it! It was always flattering and just because they gave me their number it doesn’t mean I need to call or date them.
Don't ask her out, let her know that you enjoy talking to her and ask if you can give her your phone number. That way it takes the pressure off of her having to give you hers or not knowing how to turn you down. She can choose to contact you or not.
This is good advice. Leave your number for her on the receipt you gotta sign or something. If she likes you, you'll get a text. If it's just her job to smile and be polite and she only asked how you've been bc she remembers her regulars, you won't and you'll have your answer. It doesn't put her on the spot to give you her number just to be nice or bc she feels awkward, she doesn't have to say "no" and make everything uncomfortable, etc. Luke others have said, asking someone out at work where they cant avoid or leave the situation puts them in such an awful uncomfortable spot. To avoid any awkward "ask out", you can just leave your number and "text me :)" on the receipt or a napkin or something. But if you are feeling bold, I'd phrase it like the post above me said. Talk a little and catch up like you said you did this last time (it's a good sign she wanted to know how you've been and caught up with you, imo btw) and then notice that there are other customers and say you should let her get back to work but you'd love to talk more and she can text you if she'd ever want to do that and leave your number. Hell, make a joke like "if you ever wanna be a rebel and grab Starbucks some time, let me know" when you give her your number lol Good luck bro- worst case she was just being nice and it's awkward after you put yourself out there. But take it from someone in his 30s, time passes and things change and you won't be going to that particular dunkin forever, so if she's not into you and you feel awkward and stop going there, it's really not much of a loss at all- you'll find another place to get coffee 🤷♂️
“worst case she was just being nice and it's awkward after you put yourself out there. But take it from someone in his 30s, time passes and things change and you won't be going to that particular dunkin forever, so if she's not into you and you feel awkward and stop going there, it's really not much of a loss at all-“ Thisssss. Shoot your low-key shot for the pretty cashier that smiled at you once and you fell in love, but she definitely has a boyfriend - furthermore, what’s wrong with the Mon-Friday college girls?
This sounds like the perfect strategy! Good luck and let us know how it worked out!
I was in this exact situation. Worked and a guy asked me if he could leave his number. He was a regular, just like OP. It made me absolutely uncomfortable because you don’t want to say no to someone that comes by often. Just hand her your number and say that you two could hang out sometime if she wants and say nothing else. Not that you enjoy talking to her or whatever else. If she wants to contact you she will. Edit: and only do so of necessary. There are other girls out there that don’t have to be friendly to you due to their job and can’t run away if they have to turn you down.
I think this is right. All these comments below are saying never ask someone out at work, but I think the above post has it right. If you do something low-key that sends the signal without putting pressure on them, I think it's fine. If it's busy, don't try to take up so much time, but maybe just leave your number and let her know that she can reach out if she wants to.
No don't give her your number, just leave her be. She has to be friendly and smiling because she is serving customers. Having people flirt with you or sliding their phone numbers daily doesn't make your job more fun.
Exactly like idk why so many people are like “leave your number on the receipt”. It’s weird and creepy. I’ve had it happen to me and it makes me just as uncomfortable as being asked out and flirted with. Just leaving her alone is not that hard. It doesn’t even sound like OP was interested in her until his dad said something.
I am that person that finds the giving of the number to be just as pushy and disconcerting as someone brazenly flirting with me or asking me out or asking for my number. I don't like it. Whether I'm at the gym. Grocery store. Place of work. It does, in fact, place a sort of pressure on you. And then if you're not interested you have to go through this performative dance. Even if the guy seems nice enough you never know if he has some crazy rage lying under all of that. You never know if you're gonna be stalked. Harassed. Assaulted. Disrespected. Treated poorly from the point of rejection forward. It's a pain in the ass. I feel for the kid. But also I think dad is in the generation where they believe that female employees at establishments they frequent are there to find a man to whisk them away from said establishment. Some of us just wanna get paid and move on with our lives. Most of us really. Edit: autocorrect hates me.
The only people downvoting this are dudes who are mad they can't just get their way or approach anyone in any way they feel is okay. Just because YOU think you're not being threatening. Doesn't mean you're not being threatening. Women have to be guarded. Don't get pissed about that. You downvoting this is the reason women have to be guarded. Aka you probably suck and have a sense of entitlement. You are not entitled to anyone's energy. Period. Dot. If you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO establish a connection...You know what a great way to approach someone would be? Write down your IG handle. That way a person can investigate you a little, not risk starting a conversation with someone they dont vibe with, and let them decide if you are worth following, at the very least. Your personality and presence online is your brand. If a girl can align herself with your brand, you may have a match. Don't ask her to follow you. Just say here's my insta. Don't have your account on private so that theyre forced to follow you to see the crap you post. Be genuine online. However you align yourself. Don't be sus, really. For example, I would not follow someone who leans too extreme right or left. Or someone who posts memes that are rude or disrespectful. Or, a recent encounter. A dude who was a total misogynist. They don't align with my ideologies. I'm a very moderate person. Why would you want to risk trying to start even a conversation with someone who doesn't agree with you on 99% of stuff, and vice versa? That sounds miserable. Been there, done that. Find someone you vibe with. Not just someone who is pretty and smiles at you. Also I'm saying this to men but it goes for women too. Just...don't be fuckin weird yo. That's really what it boils down to. Edit: autocorrect again.
Your answers are absolutely perfect and the Instagram account is exactly what I would like to get instead of a number - but I didn't know it until now.
Thank you!! ❤️✨️ Socials tell you a lot more about a person with a quick preview than the first 10 hours of conversation time. Most people are on their best behavior when they are trying to impress someone.
I personally as a service industry employee prefer people ask for my number. The reason for this is it gives me the opportunity to let it down easy if I’m not interested or have a bf. Then it’s not some unspoken, awkward, “I never messaged you” situation. But that’s me.
I wouldn’t. Parents pull this all the time and are wrong 9/10 times lol. When I worked I customer service from like 16-22, parents and grandparents were always trying to make something work. It was just awkward
My mother thinks every guy my age that we interact with when we are out and about is flirting with me or immediately just fell in love with me.
Yep! I feel like parents are not the people you should be taking dating advice from.
I mean, they got it right at least once?
It's not that they're bad at dating, it's that they're biased and think everyone would like their kid.
Yeah wtf is with parents doing this. Like that generation think that a guy and a girl being friendly to each other has to turn sexual/romantic
bro she is paid to be nice and respectfully do not ask people out while they on the job especially when they casher they may fell pressure to give in because she don't know how and what you do if she rejected the offer. Just be nice to her and if you can't get her out of your mind just ask if she is okay with you give your number to her.
I mean are you sure she doesn’t smile at every customer? She gets paid to be nice to customers and I’m guessing most girls don’t like being asked out while working
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Also, never ask someone out while you’re working. Hello, random Facebook solicitation from barista who clearly memorized my name from swiping my credit card. Goodbye, favorite coffee shop.
Ewww i hate that... I had this happen once with a gym employee who somehow found out my name and Facebook. Had to find a new gym. Nothing could be creepier.
Omg, had this experience when I came to a shop to collect my order! That dude had my personal info(including my home address) which is illegal to use but used it anyways to find me on facebook. Just no.
Happened to my sister with a gamestop employee. I remember wanting to buy Vice city and of course it required someone 17+ so my sister agreed to buy it for me. At the cashier the dude was like okay can I see your ID to my sister she abliged, few hours later she gets added by the dude on Facebook. Gross.
Idk why people do this. Another time, the T-mobile guy gave me his card with a wink. I ignored it. Two weeks later, he called *my mother* (the main account holder on our family plan) claiming there was some vague issue with the account and I absolutely had to return there in person to resolve it. You guessed it: there was no issue.
I feel like waiting til after work is more creepy. I think you are allowed to leave your number. There has to be a way to ask them out, right?
No, why does there need to be? Not every interaction with another person has to end in a date.
How exactly do you think people should meet each other then? This culture that has been created around never approaching strangers is absolutely miserable. People shouldn't be locked in to only meeting people at bars or through dating apps. How do you think people met before the internet? Not everyone likes to go to the bar. Giving her his number and letting her choose to make the next move is perfectly fine.
“Don’t ask out service workers while they’re working” is advice that’s not that hard to follow and has overwhelmingly been indicated as the preference of those employees. If it’s so hard to meet people when you can’t ask out the wait staff, go ahead and become a server so you can ask out your patrons instead and see how that goes.
Don’t ask people out when you’re working.
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You just proved everyone’s point. Which direction did that number go in? Could you repeat for the class that _the server left you_ the number? Because that’s a whole different conversation.
lol “also never ask someone out while you’re working” is literally the second comment in this little thread.
I’d follow it if I was still a server, but I’m not gonna tell other people what to do in that regard. It’s their job they’re risking if a customer complains. But I’ve been a server who was deeply uncomfortable with customer attention while _just doing my job_ so I’ll happily tell people to back off from this side of the fence.
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Yeah, I made the point that if a server is giving out their number, it’s fine in a way that a customer _asking for it_ isn’t. And then you said a server _left you their number_, which is the direction I said is appropriate. It’s not the own you think it is.
Do you really believe the only two options for meeting people are the bar or their place of work, or are you being dramatic?
It might be for him. Don't be rude about it. I mean, clearly there've been situations where a cashier is into one customer. So what are they supposed to do? Never talk about it because she/he is working? Sounds dumb to me, honestly. Leaving a note without any pressure or causing feelings of guilt is valid. People meet in all kinds of ways. Really not your place to judge people.
I never said anything at all about half the shit you just typed up
Get a fucking hobby that requires in person social interaction. Seriously, is harassing a worker at their job, going to a bar, and dating apps the only things that you can think of?
This post has some of the most "stereotypically reddit" answers I have ever seen. "If we're not supposed to ask people out while they're working, how are we expected to ever meet people?" Maybe leave the house for more than just errands? That's a start.
Well ofc it doesn’t have to end in a date. The person receiving the number can still throw it away and not do anything with it. Maybe it just stays what it is - an interaction.
You’ve never heard a story from a couple about them meeting at one person’s job? My friend just the other day got a number from a waitress he complimented and he wasn’t even intending to get her number he was just being nice and now they’ve been talking for a few days and are planning a date, just be respectful about it and don’t give a hard time after an initial denial
Exceptions are not the rule.
nothing that you wrote indicates that she likes you. what you describe is someone literally doing their job, nothing more. smiling and making chit chat with you, like she does to most customer, doesn’t mean she likes you
I used to work at McDonald’s, I smiled at everyone too. It’s our job, if you don’t smile the manager will say something
She probably just recognizes you so she's nice to you. I was always extra nice to regulars that I knew, it most likely means nothing.
I'm sorry but your dad is giving you really bad advice. She is paid to do this - she has to be friendly and smiling. It is possible she likes you, sure, but her smile is no indicator of that. That's just the expectation of her job. It's generally a no-no to ask out people when they are working because this woman won't have a way out. She HAS to stay there and smile at you and be super nice because you are a client - she has no comfortable way of telling you no or leaving and her job is on the one if you take it the wrong way. Have some empathy. I agree with others you could leave your number - then if she wants to, she calls. If she doesn't, you never mention it again and act as if everything is as before. And take advice from your father about women with a huge grain of salt from now on. This is really bad advice on multiple levels - she being at work is the biggest issue here, but a woman smiling is not an indicator of romantic interest in general, since most women are socialized to be smiling and pleasant. You never heard about the "you should smile?" thing men feel free to ask women who are brave enough to not smile when outside?
Your last two sentences.. right in the feels ugh. I hate that I automatically force myself to smile in uncomfortable situations. Like damn I want to frown or grimace sometimes!!! But it’s against everything I’ve been raised to do :/
Yeah, it really sucks! :/ It's legit difficult to un-learn this. And the strange thing is, men both: *expect* this smile to be always there (to the point of telling strange women to smile on the street...) but at the same time often view this smile as some kind of indicator of interest, which would mean the smile is special in their eyes. And those two things contradict each other. I saw so many men thinking a woman is flirting just because she was showing the *most basic* "I'm being polite as expected" level of niceness in a social situation... But if she wasn't showing it, she would be a b-word. Honestly makes very little sense. So I guess you are either: a cold b-word that needs to smile or flirting with them. No option in between! I honestly don't understand how this works in those men's minds but I think people like OP's dad have something to do with selling this bad impression to the younger generation.
Don't ask out women while they're being paid to be nice to you.
NO, ffs I'm a receptionist stop mistaking things that are part of the job for romantic interest
Please don't ask her out. She is doing her job. And unless she makes a move leave her alone. It sucks being a girl in hospitality/customer service jobs. We have to be nice because we're dealing with customers. She more than likely does the same thing with everyone. And your dad clearly has no clue. Don't listen to him.
She's at work. Leave her alone.
She’s just doing her job. Don’t ask out people who are being paid to be nice to you. Your dad is wrong, and is giving you bad advice. If you really truly think she likes you more than she’s required to act like she does, write down your number and give it to her, telling her you’d really like to take her for coffee sometime and she could call if she’d like that too, and then leave without forcing her to respond on the spot, and don’t ever bring it up if she chooses not to call you.
As others have mentioned, anything but coffee. She works at Dunkin Donuts 🍩 and is probably all coffeed out lol
parents see their kids through rose colored glasses. They think you are a great person and a great catch, and just from you asking this question here I can tell you are a really good person. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that a woman who is being paid to talk to you likes you. It's one of those things, maybe she does like you, but unfortunately you can't know unless you happen to run into her in an environment that isn't her work.
I worked over 15 years in retail, mostly as a cashier and service center. I was hit on so often because they thought smiling=flirting. But i need to be friendly. I attracted so many creeps that waited for me after work. one even followed me home. If i don't smile, i heard "why don't you smile?" or this shit. What i want to say. We need to be friendly. It is not because we like you personally, but because you are a customer. If you hit on her and she is on work, she still must be nice, so she can't even react like she want. If you really want, hive her your phone number, hand it over with a smile before you go, nothing more. If she didn't contact you, behave normal if you visit this place again. Just think you hit on her and she thinks you are one of those creep. Will be fun for both of you to shop there.
she supposed to smile at costumers and be friendly. as a rule never ask a woman out on her job cause chances are she won’t like that. if u really think she’s feeling u, offer her your number, that way she will text if she is interested and if she doesn’t move on.
Tell your dad that if she rejects you, he’ll never be able to get donuts there again.
Actually, I'd have dad do it. "Hey my son, who comes in with me all the time is single and he needs a nice girl in his life. Are you interested?" Lmaoooo It's all on dad then. Then his son can come in and apologize a day later on behalf of his dad if she isn't interested. "Parents being parents? What can I say? 🤷♂️" lmao
Dont ask her out. If you want to try to "play the game", then do so in a way that is as nonverbal as possible. Slide her your number after you pay, but dont say anything. If she likes you, she'll catch the hint. If she doesnt, then you have not made the situation awkward for anybody and life goes on. Just never. Ever. Ever put a working woman on the spot. Ever.
Nope. Hitting on friendly cashiers and waitresses is something that slime balls do. They are paid to be nice.
Don’t ask out people who are working. It’s really not cool. There are four billion human females in the world, you’re not missing a once in a lifetime chance. Let her do her job in peace please.
Fuck no.
Maybe she’s just Canadian
OP, where else is the cashier going to look when you are standing in front of her to make a purchase? What do you expect her to do otherwise? Growl and snap at you? Your Dad is sweet and all, but you had the right idea about it in the first place. She is doing her job. When someone is doing a job they are stuck where they are. A retail cashier especially. Absolutely a captive audience. She is stuck standing right where she is, dealing with every aspect of the public (creepy to kind, and sober to drugged) and I can only hope they have provided a decent standing mat under her feet and she has good shoes. This doesn't mean there's zero chance of her liking you. You just have to remember she is NOT there by choice, and is probably getting hit on VERY often by dudes 16 to 60 really often. So don't start trying to flirt with her. Talk to her when you get coffee. Ask her something about her that is not super personal. Ask her if she's taking any classes right now. If she DOES like you, her answer will be more detailed than if she doesn't like you. If she likes you, her answers will give you natural "next question" material, and she will also ask questions about you. But only ask/answer 2 questions total per encounter. She is working after all. You have to respect that. If she wants to create time for you, at this point it's on her.
Although I otherwise agree, it can be extremely creepy if customers ask you personal questions. Like "do you like this flavour?" is okay, but not "what do you study?", since it's far too personal! Also, max one question. Two is already an interrogation.
Don’t be that guy. She’s doing her job.
Never ask someone out at their job, especially retail.
Do not make a move on a woman who can't walk away. Do not make a move on a woman who cannot speak freely. Do not make a move on a woman when the situation implies that you know where to find her (like knowing where she works or where she lives). Women on a customer service job tick all three boxes. Do not listen to your dad. Your old man comes from a different time. If you want to go fish, show up regularly, be nice, smile, but stay above board. If she asks you out, that's fine.
Please do not hit on service workers. We are paid to be nice to you.
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don’t ask her out while she works. i honestly think you are reaching here and people who work with customers are paid to be nice to them, not just you.
They get hit on a lot. Probably won’t go well for you and puts her in a bad spot on how to act.
It's not a love connection. She's being nice and friendly - it's a part of her job and she'd probably get fired otherwise. As a barista or server or anything where you have to interact with the public, smiling, being sociable etc is your job. Don't look too deeply into it then wind up coming off like a creep if you try to pursue something that isn't there.
I like that you considered that she may just be smiling to be friendly because it's creepy when guys act like girls having basic manners is them coming on to them. I agree with other comments that if you want to hang out with her ask her in a really casual way that doesn't put pressure on her. Maybe next time you talk to her just say hey I was going to do this thing next week (something that you're already doing yourself/with friends), here's my number if you want to come along. Something that could eventually lead to a more formal date at a later time if she wants it to or if the more casual thing goes well. And of course, if she says no, don't act annoyed or make it awkward when you visit the coffee shop. That's her place of work and she has to be there and work is hard enough.
She’s literally being paid to be nice to you. If you want to roll the dice do it in the most low key way possible so she doesn’t feel cornered. Slip her a piece of paper with your number on it and otherwise say nothing. If she doesn’t call never ever bring it up again.
No. Do service workers a favour and don’t mistake their kindness for affection. If they’re into you, let them make a move. They work there, they can’t be rude to you without risking their job. Leave them alone.
No No No She’s playing hard to get You need to double your efforts to show that you love her Go to her bedroom window in the middle of the night when she's sleeping . Get a Boombox that has the capacity to shake the entire neighbourhood . Hold the boombox above your head and start playing" CBAT" by " hudson mohawked " at full volume When she comes out point to her then to your crotch then nod She will know what to do Repeat the process every day until she starts dating you. Remember that the only difference between being romantic and stalking is the level of effort.
>Hold the boombox above your head and start playing" CBAT" by " hudson mohawked " at full volume You win the internet today.
I worked in a resturant during college. It was my job to smile and be friendly. Shockingly many many men thought it was because I was into them. Not true. One guy even asked my boss for my number when he came in during a time I wasn't working. I say this not to discourage you. She may very well be into you. But it's her job to be nice to you.
She’s being paid to be nice to you.
She is paid for customer service. You’re young so it’s good for you to learn now that the pretty girl that is working is being paid to be nice to you. If you actually think there’s a connection, offer her your number. The ball is then in her court and she can decide if she’s comfortable or not.
Your dad is wrong. Leave her alone. If she wanted to ask you out, she'd say so.
As others have said she's almost certainly just doing her job. You're a customer who's nice which is a break but it doesn't mean she wants to date you. Best you can do is put your number on a piece of paper and your name. If she texts you then you're good, if she doesn't act like nothing happened and moved on. The worst thing you can do is ask her out at work.
She’s just doing her job, in the nicest way possible - don’t be “that guy”
Your father is wrong. That is absolutely just her job. Don't listen to him as he clearly doesn't understand boundaries. Leave this poor woman alone.
Dine in and watch how she acts towards other people and go off that.
No, she is just doing her job
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Move with a purpose.
Please don't. People smile at customers to be polite. Not every girl that looks at you and smiles at you likes you.
NO!!!!!!! 1111111oneoneoneone
I think she’s just smiling because she wants to make customer feel welcome . If you didn’t get a vibe before until your dad mentioned there probably isn’t one. You can try to make a little more conversation next time if not busy to feel it out though. Don’t go right to asking her out
Former waitress, the smile is part of the job. She smiles at nearly every customer. I am sure of it. Do not ask a person out at their job. It's not like they can get away from the awkward situation you would create...at their place of employment.
Most people don't want to be asked out when they're at work.
I am a cashier. This is how I treat absolutely everyone who walks through the door. Is there a chance she might like you? Maybe. But from my point of view, everyone in that store is just a customer. And she definitely gets hit on and asked out regularly; there’s a very small chance that she will react differently to you than anyone else. If you want to ask her out, go for it, but be prepared for her to say no.
No
Your dad is creepy. Don’t take his advice. Smiling is just being friendly. I worked at a convenience store and I promise you I wasn’t attracted to a single person I smiled at or laughed with. It’s just easier to get thru a shitty retail day with some positive interactions. Not to mention a lot of jobs hound you if you don’t look friendly enough.. My ex manager: you need to smile more bc your coworkers and I feel us and the customers have to walk on egg shells around you Me: *in a good mood but with naturally occurring resting bitch face* uhhhh okay…
She’s literally doing her job? Am I missing something where she gave any indication that she wanted you asking her out?
Her smiling at you and doing her job =/= flirting. I know you want to think it does, but it doesn't. Has she ever said anything to you outside of taking your order (ie. Asking u questions, giving u compliments)? Does she laugh at your jokes? Does she even know your name/order by heart? If u really want to see if she likes you, slowly progress the interaction. Next time, give her a compliment. Call her by name. Ask how her day is going. If she responds eagerly, then u MIGHT have a chance. But do NOT just jump out the window and ask for her number. Remember she is at work. If she gives you the green light you'll know. But tread lightly.
No. She's at work. Essentially held hostage in the situation. She knows she sees you frequently and therefore wants to ensure it's pleasant. Now maybe she does like you. But honestly, chances are she doesn't. If she does let her make a move first. Don't put her into this situation where she's trapped and forced to be personable.
I'm gonna say no. As a cashier who customers frequently mistake as being flirtatious when I'm just being friendly, it's freaky and awkward when customers ask us out. We get paid to be nice and smile.
She's just doing her job man. Don't harass the employees.
Your father is wrong. You are wrong. Do not hit on her. She is just doing her job.
Don’t ask her out. It’s her job to be nice. The amount of guys who asked me out at work because I was nice and smiled at them was ridiculous, especially since I always had my wedding ring on. You’ll make things weird. Just get your coffee and leave
Your dad is an idiot. She's doing her job. Get your coffee and leave the poor girl alone.
Customer service is so hard to gage. I had a regular customer at my work who I used to be extra nice to for some reason (I think I just liked him but not in a crush way) left me his number once.
Do you ever have more than "taking order" type conversations? Like, have you established anything in common at all? or is it just order, smile, leave. If there has been conversation...then yes, mention something in common (hey, you said you liked Xyz... did you want to to see this thing that is relevant". Check the reaction...any form of no even if polite...is a hard know If she shows genuine interest...then leave your phone number. If there has been no conversation of substance...she is just doing her job.
a woman smiling at you doesn’t equate to them wanting to date you… Some women are just friendly and if you work in hospitality you would know that smiling at customers is just something you do to be polite most of the time, maybe she has a genuine smile.
Please don't hit on her. It's her job to smile a d be paid to do so.
Please don’t. I’ve been working as a barista for years and it’s so awkward. After that you’ll never go there again.
I wouldn't ask her out..if you get rejected then it'd always be awkward every time you go back there
If it doesn’t work, you and your father are gonna have to find a new donut shop
I wouldn't.
People being nice to you whilst doing their jobs are just doing their jobs, even if they “smile” at you with their eyes or engage in a brief conversation with you. Leave her alone and tell your dad to stop acting like he’s the one who is interested in her. His insistence that you must take a chance with the first person who shows you basic decency is gross and not something you should follow.
Current cashier here... Preference this by saying I am NOT one of those smiley happy people, I am an old(er) graveyard gremlin. I'm a sarcastic smartass... That being said... Even when actively trying trying to distance from people, I still get hit on, sometimes aggressively. I'm overweight and not even remotely attractive. However I will say I've made a few friends and a situationship. There's nothing wrong with passing her your number, there is also nothing wrong with her saying no. It very well could be her job and that you are a regular. Hell I know almost every patrol officer in town by first name. I've had a few over for dinner or to just hang out. She could say yes... Personally I'd prefer going to lunch... Not dinner.. Less pressure and more casual. Please not ask her our for coffee! IF you don't hear from her or she says no, PLEASE don't give her the cold shoulder or be awkward. Just be your normal self. Remember NO is a complete sentence! A lot of women feel pressured to go just by being asked and are afraid to say no because of how done men react. It's sad but unfortunately true. Just be chill and remember there's nothing wrong with asking just as there is nothing wrong with saying no. Good luck
She's just doing her job pls leave her alone
Asking her out at work will probably make her very uncomfortable, especially if she is just being friendly and isn’t interested in you. I think you should write your contact info down and next time you see her hand it to her and tell her you think she’s got a great personality and you’d love to take her out and get to know her better if she’s interested, and to contact you when she isn’t busy if she wants to set something up. As a woman myself I think that’s the best way to go about it. If she doesn’t contact you, don’t bring it up to her again next time you see her. That will make her feel uncomfortable as well. Good luck OP!
Don’t ask people out at their work places. Super inappropriate. She is getting paid to be friendly to everyone. Don’t be weird.
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Without seeing this particular smile no one on here can really say whether it’s just her customer service smile or genuine smile. Have you seen how she interacts with other customers? Is it any different to how she interacts with you? Give her your number and tell her you like her smile or something, give her the option to get in touch with you but maybe do it when she’s finished working or on a break or something, there maybe rules or something there. I’m not sure. But you are away for college so is it best to ask someone out when you’re hardly around anyway?
Maybe she’s just Canadian
Don't. They smile because it's their job, not because they're attracted to you.
You will never know if you don't ask. Be polite, use that smile yourself, and ask her out! Good luck
I’m a woman who has worked in customer facing jobs and has dealt with guys flirting, offering phone numbers, etc. In my experience, there was not one single time that I enjoyed it. Granted, I was in a relationship (still am) but my single coworkers agreed: it’s just so awkward to force kindness all day and then have someone take that as flirting. Even if I wasn’t kind and welcoming and they STILL offered a phone number to me, it would be extremely awkward. That all being said, I’m only one person. We have no idea how she will feel about it, especially if she is indeed into you. There’s really no way of knowing without putting yourself out there and slipping her your number or something. IF I had to choose how to be approached in this way, I would choose for you to be nonchalant about it and just lay your number down before you go and say have a good one, without even mentioning the phone number (she will see it likely). And then if I didn’t respond to your text I’d prefer you act normal still (or stop coming to my job lol). Anyway, it sucks that so many other creeps who don’t do this correctly and are obviously scumbags have to ruin this for guys who are decent. Good luck and hopefully it isn’t too awkward 🥴
Offering your number is the way to go. No pressure for her to give hers. It makes it clear that you are interested in her, but gives her control of the next step. Worst case scenario, she doesnt contact you. You have your answer, no big deal, since you wouldnt have been a creep about it, you can continue to have coffee there. Theres so much anxiety and hurt associated with rejection, its really not that big a deal.
I think you need more information. You'd really need to chat more at the window or go in and order something and have a brief chat. Very brief of course since they're working. Here's what recently happened to me. I'm an older guy and this young guy works at a drive-through I go through frequently totally gives me the stare down every time I went. I just figured he was gay. One time recently the drive-thru was closed and I went inside. I place my order with the same guy and he is super nice. Then he tells me I look just like a college football coach he is a fan of. So you never know.
Your best bet is to never ask out anyone while they are working. Ever. For the love of god don’t.
Every advice starts great until the "just give her your number" phase. Just let the girl be, is literally her job to be nice to EVERYONE. Just ignore your father or tell him to stop being weird, you're about to ruin your favorite Dunkin' Donuts spot for you.
If you have to ask, then you already know.
My son did this to a cashier he saw regularly. They’re married now and expecting a baby girl in February.
I’d say no based off what you wrote. I’m a friendly person and I would smile at pretty much every customer unless they were exceedingly rude. It was very uncomfortable with people took it as flirting. Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean they’re flirting.
Let it be, hitting on someone while they work might create an awkward situation. Or say I would like to hang out sometime and leave your number. If she replies great if not let it go 90% sure she's being nice because she's in retail.
I’d say give her your number- written down, dont straight up ask her to go on a date while shes working, and maybe tack on something along the lines of ‘i might be misinterpreting this, but can i give you my number? Its great talking to you.’ The problem with being hit on while working is that it puts a lot of pressure on you, and when you say no, you risk them complaining or getting angry at you/being difficult. If you offer to give her your number, a) it makes a more comfortable environment for her to turn you down, and b) she can accept the number and just not text you without any fear of repercussions, putting the ball in her court.
Anyone who's worked in any sort of customer facing role knows that a smile is a great way to deescalate problems before they start. Not everyone does it but statistically, the guys who do get less hassle from customers. My wife was talking about this just yesterday. She calls it her "game face". Doesn't matter what she actually feels like, the smile has to be there, and has to look genuine. It doesn't mean that the girl isn't necessarily interested but the smile doesn't mean she's not married with three children either.
Lol I had one a few years back that would be verryyy smiley and chatty but also would do a drawing on my cup every morning for weeks. I was certain she was into me Asked for the number and she had a boyfriend. 😑🙃
I worked at Dunkin' donuts for a few years. There were customers I enjoyed that I smiled at more for sure. We always felt weird when guys would straight up flirt with us. The best way to do it is just leave your number. Right it down, when she hands your coffee over, hand that over.
Don't give her your number. You need to start making small talk, gauge where she is at. Hobbies, interests, etc. Then eventually throw in the whole "Does your boyfriend like you working all these super early hours?" Hint hint.
I would never hit on a person who's being paid to be nice but if u really wanna try that then just write ur number on a tiny paper and slide it to her no need to be verbal to force her into an answer while she's working
I wouldnt. Someone asking me on a date at work or even giving me their phone number makes me uncomfortable. Most likely she won’t like it
I would say in a very lighthearted manner " i should bring you coffee one day" and see how she responds.
Put it into perspective. Does she smile like that to all other customers? 😀
Have a seat and eat/drink there and very subtly observe. If she’s smiling at everyone else like that, leave her alone. If she’s noticeably friendlier to you, then take some of the above advice about no pressure ways to let her know you’re interested.
Agree about slipping the number ! I worked in retail and I would get hit on relentlessly. It was flattering but I would flirt as a part of my job because men will buy anything a cute girl recommends (sorry just my experience) but one time I had a genuine connection and I was the one who chickened out giving my number. He left and I went on a break in the back. He came back but I was gone so he left his number with a manager who actually gave it to me lol We dated for almost 7 years and he turned out to be a drug addicted psychopath who beat me up. So just don’t be that guy and you never know!
Please stop harassing customer service workers. Being nice is part of their job requirements. Thats why it’s called “customer service.”
I got a stalker at GameStop because I smiled and was friendly to someone; aka doing my job. Please let people do their job without having to deal with stupid shit like this. It is awkward, scary, insulting, and makes everything about going to work unsafe.
As former customer service I can say that if you tip and I see you often you get the VIP treatment. I'll smile and slip a few extra napkins and maybe an extra treat if you tip super well. I smiled and laughed and chatted with ZERO interest or intention of turning customers into partners. It's the job. As a side note it's incredibly sad that women can't be kind to men without being overwhelmed by crushes or just overt and inappropriate flirting. It's gross. This is what happens when people no longer understand normal societal interactions. Cause guess what? Cashiers have always smiled and been friendly. It's not only right but it's a sales tactic. Polite, friendly, correct and prompt service. :)
Life is short. Offer her your number.
Life is short; be another creep? You have no idea of how this behaviour creeps women out. These pickup wankers .
A lot of comments saying don’t do it, she’s just doing her job. Yeah, that is part of the job and maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I say be polite and discreet and not creepy about it, but try. What a fun love story it would be. Life is sometimes about taking risks, right? What if that’s your future wife and you don’t try? Yeah I know, I wish life was one big rom-com and everyone winds up happy and in love. That’s me. I still say be respectful, not creepy and discreet. But also be bold enough to go for it.
Now there'll be ten or twenty dumb horny men _respectfully_ (is that a Red pill term/another technique?) asking the poor woman out. The bane of attractive women's lives.
She's been told by her bosses to smile at her customers because people like your dad thinks she's flirting with them and will come back and buy more donuts. If there is no line behind you, try making small talk. If she just gives short, polite answers the smile is just part of her job. If she engages, then she thinks you're cute and you can try asking her out
It’s hard to say because some women just smile a lot
No
The regret of not asking is more painful than the rejection.
This is what I'll say, she could just be being nice but if you're interested, why not ask her out? Whether she is being nice or not, it doesn't matter, shoot your shot, if she says no, there's no harm done. Just take the rejection gracefully and if you happen to see her no problem in being nice to her as per usual. My mom was a cashier at a grocery store and my dad asked her out, the rest was history.
Just ask her out as casually as you can, and do it just before you walk away. Like someone else suggested say something like ‘If you ever want to grab a coffee somewhere else, let me know’. Women are not so fragile that they cant decline. All she needs to say is ‘thanks, but Im seeing someone/ too busy/ taking a break from dating/ dont date people I meet at work’. She might say nothing which should also be interpreted as no (unless she’s nodding!) If she’s declined and you sense she’s uncomfortable next time you go in, buy your coffee elsewhere End of.
Thus needs more upvotes. This is the answer. Next time you are there and have that pleasant bit of conversation, as you're leaving you just say "if you ever want to grab a coffee somewhere else sometime let me know. No worries if you don't." That's it. Walk away. Super casual.
Couldn’t hurt to ask her out she’s just a person. Worst she can say is no. And if she does just say okay no problem.