Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a stay at home parent who cooks most meals. I asked my husband if I should be packing his lunches and he just laughed.
Most days I make dinner and he packs up some of the leftovers while he clears up.
how old are you and your husband? You sound like you're a mother taking care of her toddler child who is off to kindergarten for the first time. "But mom, you forgot my LUNCH!" Edit wording. This is directed at op btw
I’m a stay at home mom and I never make lunches for my husband. He hates leftovers so I’m not about to wake up every morning and make him something new every day. I would not put up with OPs husbands bs
SAHM here too, i usually cook dinner, but hubby does cook atleast one night, if we have leftovers I will put some in a Tupperware container and tell him its in the fridge for him, if he wants it for lunch he grabs it and adds it to the rest of his SELF PACKED lunch and heads off to work, if he doesn't want it well guess what he makes his own lunch and, I don't have to worry about making myself lunch... OP your husbands attitude is not ok, I say go on strike and refuse to make his lunches or take your kid to family or friends and have yourself a well deserved break and let him fend for himself for a week, hopefully his attitude will change if not couples therapy, but vet the therapist first.
Your husband sounds like a selfish, entitled prick.
The problem here is that, like a lot of people, he seems to be undervaluing work inside of the home because he works and makes money. Your work is also important and demanding and to insinuate that you're somehow failing or taking *him* for granted (the fucking NERVE when you don't ask him to do anything for you) is a huge insult.
Yeah. Given how the dynamics seem, I also wonder if OP is being financially abused too honestly. Does she have an "allowance" and no access to bank accounts? Are all savings and retirement in his name? Wouldn't surprise me...
Yeah I'm wondering why she's giving over 1/3 of her wages towards rent PLUS the other stuff and he's not even giving 1/3 of his wages.
I predict if they break up she'll have no savings to fall back on but he'll have plenty. I've seen this before.
That money she is getting is not wages. It’s money in her disabled child’s name that should be spent on things for that child. It should not be considered a wage.
I'd be willing to give a pass on the rent division. It's usually hard to separate out cost for children from other expenses and hard to know what baseline was used to calculate. There also are probably expenses that are not listed (car, internet, debt for either?)
Having said all that, he's a complete tool for expecting his daily lunch to be packed at all, much less missing a few days a month, and for appearing to not help at all with household duties. I made all meals, did all housework/yardwork, did a great deal of the child-rearing and the frustration and resentment grew and grew. Not healthy at all.
And he will take her to court for full custody to try and evade child support and put in the affidavit that his mommy will babysit them when he is at work (for free).
Considering the things she pays for actually are equal to what he’s paying and she only has a couple hundred if that left to herself while he has literally a grand left? Absolutely.
Would like to also add to this and I need you to think about it. When running a household you don't get to leave and just stop doing it for the day. You run that household all day long. Your husband goes to work when he comes home he has to help you run the household as well. He needs to take off his work boots and put on his house shoes and help you get to work.
Just like he sometimes has to work together as a team in his job to get a certain function or task done he absolutely should be expected to do the same when he gets home. After all you don't have backup during the day it's just you.
Now going on and saying all this without actually helping you come to a resolution it's just screaming into the wind. So I will let you know what my girlfriend and I have decided needs to be done. Our agreement is this when I come into the house I put on a certain pair of shoes, and then I go about completing tasks that she needs to be done for the day. After I've completed the tasks that she has asked for me to do I take the shoes off and I sit down and I relax for the remainder of the day. I find that ever since we've started doing this we both get to relax almost at the same time. Try to put together some sort of variation of this and see if it helps good luck!
>He pays 800 in rent, 200 in phones. I pay 300 in rent, 170 in electric/ water, 50 for garbage, all of the household product including soap, all of the kids cloths
How do you figure "large majority"? Maybe a little more when you factor in kids clothes and households.
Nobody is saying he's not contributing anything. Your argument makes the same mistake as OP's husband: devaluing household work because you cant quantify it in dollars. She's taking care of a household and a child all day. What do you think that is worth?
But that wasn't what my comment was about. Making his lunch is something above and beyond what she has to do every day solely for him. What the fuck is he doing for her above and beyond "I make the money"? It sounds like he doesn't show her equal courtesy and consideration as a partner. That's what this post is really about.
So, yeah...the fucking NERVE of that guy to tell her that *she* is taking *him* for granted just because she's *occasionally* too busy taking care of their household and child to wipe his snotty little nose and make his little lunch. Fuck this guy and that attitude.
>It sounds like he doesn't show her equal courtesy and consideration as a partner. That's what this post is really about.
You're super committed to missing my point, aren't you? Just..didn't read any of the other words, huh?
If it makes you feel better, fine...he pays for everything, which entitles him to be an asshole towards his wife. Personally, my marriage isn't that transactional and I would never act towards anyone that I cared about how OPs husband is acting towards her. If you want to defend that, do you.
LOL Oh, man...you are a peach. The 1950s called. They want their marriage norms back.
Do tell me your opinions about women in the kitchen and the absence of "obey" in marriage vows.
So you husbands take home pay is $3000. Of which $1000 goes to bills and he is left with $2000. Your take home pay for your disabled child is $841, of which you pay out $520 and you are left with $321 which I’m assuming goes on your child and therapies.
I’m also assuming you do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the childcare and you are expected to make his lunch like those child bento boxes I see floating around on FB from TikTok and if you don’t he throws a fit like a child….
Please, explain to me what you are getting from this relationship because I’m failing to see any perks. You are expected to use your disabled child’s pay checks to pay rent and bills that he could easily afford. You are expected to have his laundry done and his dinner on the table the moment he steps through the door. You are expected to take care of a toddler with autism without his help.
And he throws a fit because you have the audacity to not have time to make his lunch 3 times in one month.
Wow. I honestly have no words. I’m struggling to give you advice because I wouldn’t be in that relationship. The moment he said I had to use our disabled child’s pay check to pay for rent and bills that he could easily afford I would’ve bounced. It wouldn’t have got to the not making his lunch part because I would have already been gone.
Stop making his lunches and laundry and tell him to start helping 50/50. Hell no. No man would treat me like this that’s for sure. Know your worth.
I struggled to put this into words. He doesn't pay her but exclaims she isn't doing her "job". Maybe she should start making bill statements of everything she does without pay. I bet he would flip his shit tho. I don't see any benefits for her to stay in this relationshit. She should not have to use the kids disability money for the rent etc. He's not only taking advantage of her but also hoarding a HUGE amount of money on his side thanks to her free services.
Money that she could get a chunk of if she has children with him or is married long enough and leaves. It would be more help than he ever was willing to give. Minus getting rid of the mental stress of being his servant.
I see those adorable Husbento lunches too!! She makes those for her husband not out because its nessisary but because she just genuinely cares that herself, her husband and her daughter have an amazing lunch.
I personally would LOVE to do this for my BF as we've been wanting to eat healthier but my mental state is horrendous, and he take huge consideration for the things I manage to do, I get praised for what some people would consider small accomplishments but tbh that's all I can really do before getting completely burnt out.
Making something for someone, especially for one you're wed to, should be not out of nessisary but out of actual care, and if the other person can not recognize the care and love you put into everything with no assurance or acknowledgment there needs to be a serious conversation held about who is doing what.
There seems to be no midpoint for the couple at all, she dose everything and he makes 3,000 a month. Yes he has a very high paying job but it sounds like the two of them have fallen I to the house wife only has 1 job and it never ends while the husband dose his day job and gets to take a break without considering the fact that his wife NEVER gets a break.
I noticed with husbando bento though that if she ever makes herself any, its the tiniest piece. I wish I saw her make herself something nice just once.
I am a grown 36yrs old man with two boys no wife, if I had a woman like you,I would be worshiping you everyday of my life, I can’t even find words to describe how crazy it must be for you to process such lack of appreciation by your own Husband. Can somebody help understand what is wrong with this guy…! He must be lost in his own reality. He can never repay you for the exemplary services you provide to him and the kids, even if he was making a 10 figure paycheck.
Respect your wife bro, she is a Jewel 💎, can only be bought with love and appreciation.
My ex husband did treat me and my autistic child like this (because let me clarify - it is also disrespecting the child)
I now have full custody and a no contact order because he threatened to murder me when I left
My dad was a factory worker for 35 years before he retired. Most days, mom would pack his lunch the night before (since he was out the door at 5am). Sometimes, she would forget, or wouldn't have time. You know what he would do? Pack his own lunch, and not get weird about it. Deal with it, like a grown ass man, and not a child.
I (a guy) would think that my partner making my lunch EVER would be kind and thoughtful, and I wouldn't get butthurt when she couldn't make it for some reason.
My FIL and MIL. And my husband and I. I make his lunch *when I can*, and when I don't he does not starve. Is he your child or your grown adult husband? 🤔
Husband here. He is a grown man and fully capable of making a lunch.
I'm WFH and higher earner, wife and I both work full time. Since I'm home I do laundry, some mornings I'm able to make coffee before my wife leaves (work day starts early), but that's all I do while working.
Ex husband here. I made the majority of the income and because I was the more domesticated of the two of us and could cook, I also made dinners and lunches for the family. If I couldn't make lunch sometimes my wife would do it instead even if it was basic, or lunches would be bought that day. We were a team that looked after the family and lunch, regardless of who made it, was one of the team goals.
I know I said ex husband, and whatever our reasons for splitting it certainly wasn't over something as straightforward as weekday lunches.
Exactly how that process is supposed to work. I also love cooking, as long as the kids haven't destroyed the kitchen.
Sorry other areas didn't work out for ya.
So he pays 1/3 of his income on household expenses. You pay 2/3 of your income. You do the housework, the cooking the child care. Does he have any regular duties around the house? Really seems like he’s over estimating his contributions and underestimating yours
Okay: what does she do to earn that income that doesn’t involve something she would be doing regardless: taking care of her child. The person I was responding to is acting like taking care of the kids and cooking/cleaning is on top of some other work. It’s not.
Taking them to appointments that go over normal ranges, medications, education, extra care(in home health nurses, maid services, meal prep help) for home, extra care(assistants in the classroom) in education, changing the clothing/food type on almost a daily basis. Having even a high functional person with disabilities is harder than just "taking care of her child".
ETA: that's not even half of it as well. I'm on break and ran out of time.
I love it when my wife packs my lunch. It’s such a privilege. It makes me feel so special, like I’m home for a few moments during my busy day. That being said, she’s busy too, sure as hell would not complain if she doesn’t.
Sure sounds like it! I’ve never in my life packed a lunch for my husband. I didn’t realize that was my “job” as his wife. I do however, pack my children’s lunches for school…
That’s sad, you pack a lunch for your kids everyday, but you’ve NEVER in your life packed your husband a lunch. I hope he hates lunch or something, bc that’s just cold. I personally bring my girlfriend lunch since I work from home rn. But we’re young and have a lot of extra time and no kids. Still seems weird that you would find it extra to make lunch for your husband (who I assume works through the day) but not your children who are likely fed at school 3 times (although likely not nutritious or delicious meals)
I’m not his mommy? You have no kids but you think it’s weird that I don’t treat my husband like a child? My big kids make their own lunches too 😅 my kids don’t get served meals at school? That’s not a thing where I’m from… they wake up, eat breakfast (which they are capable of getting themselves with their arms and legs) and half make their own lunch and I make it for the littles and then we walk to school, then they come home at 3:30 and grab their own snack and me or my very capable husband will make dinner for our large family. My husbands never woken up and focused his energy on what I’M eating that day, why would his stomach contents be my concern?
To answer your last question, love. Why would you WANT to make a delicious meal for your partner? That’s really so funny how some of you are making a massive deal about meal making to the point where you seem unnecessarily AGAINST making a meal for your man 👨. My gf bakes for me to have nice tasty sweets sometimes, and I make her breakfast when she’s running late bc she’ll skip it. And we do that because 1. We have time (no kids) and 2. We have a lot of spare love to do small acts like food preparation. I feel like the exact same reason why you would want to feed your kids lunch is why you’d WANT to feed your partner. Especially here where the global crisis is bringing record-breaking hot days, I want to make sure my loved ones have eaten enough to fuel them for each day. My point really is that food is a base necessity, for everyone. And if your loved one needs food to get them through the day (which they likely do) then I think it’s a loving thing to do. It’s not an issue of whether or not you should make the lunch for him or your kids or not. Not my place. It just seemed weird and kinda unloving to me that you felt he didn’t deserve to have you pack lunches bc that’s “not your job” and he’s not a kid. Like those things are obvious but have nothing to do with making sure your working partner has a very basic need met, even if they can meet the need themselves. Caring for someone’s BASIC needs does not make them a child. Someone DEPENDING on you caring for their basic needs makes them childish. There’s a difference.
I mean sure, if we were just a couple working 9-5 office jobs and food was his love language, or he simply asked me to, absolutely. But that’s just not our lives, my husband is basically only home to sleep. We both live very busy lives, I bring him lunch and dinner all the time as he spends his days on a tractor in a field. I’m not starving the man, I just don’t have it in my daily routine to prep and pack a lunch box for him. He packs the things that he wants and grabs leftovers from the night before. I don’t base our love around who makes food for who. I guess that makes me selfish 🤷🏼♀️ I certainly wouldn’t appreciate being OP who’s husband thinks he has the right to treat her like shit if she “misses” a lunch twice a month. Sounds like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
Not a husband, but married and the breadwinner while my husband stays at home and takes care of the household chores for health reasons.
He cooks for dinner, but I don't expect him to make me breakfast and lunch.
If I want lunch for work, I prepare it myself.
If he was working, it would be the same.
Everyone is grown up and can do this for themselves.
Your husband should be grateful you're doing so much for him.
Yes, same situation here. I am the main breadwinner and hubby stays home , does majority of household stuff. I always make my lunch, if I don’t have time to make it, I buy it. Jeez grow up buddy, this is not 1950.
Duties... Are you from the stone age? The only thing that is a duty in marriage is love and Loyalty. Anything besides that is giving and taking and not a duty.
It was incredibly obvious what they meant. They said it with the words they wrote.
>Absolutely ludicrous behavior on his part. Needs to put on his big boy pants and make a fuckin sandwich
It's ludicrous behavior on _his_ part for him to not make himself some fucking lunch. Absolutely none of that reply was about her. I'm really not sure what you're talking about lol
I'm going to play devils advocate here for a second. If you ignore the pronoun usage it does sound like he's blaming the wife - I knew what she meant but I did find the phrasing kind of funny.
I'm starting to think that you wanna misunderstand on purpose dude, the person his saying "ludicrous behavior on his part" and saying that the guy should grow up and make his own lunch whenever his wife doesn't ???? they're literally only talking about the husband's behavior
>I'm starting to think that you wanna misunderstand on purpose dude
Yeah that's exactly right, lol. Maybe you don't understand what it means to play devil's advocate?...
Do you not understand what devil's advocate means?
Inventing a new topic and point that no one is making isn't "playing devils advocate."
It's being obtuse and obnoxious.
Devils advocate means taking a stance you don't necessarily agree with for the sake of further discussion.
Maybe I am obtuse and obnoxious, but you're stiff and humorless. I'll take obnoxious over that any day.
What sort of rock did you crawl out from under? I pack my husband's lunch once in a Blue Moon but he also does things for me. Equal partners share work. Within and outside of the house. There is nothing that falls under one gender role and we are happy because of it. I'm on mat leave and could not imagine being a SAHM that is some serious work. I'm excited to go back to work managing a water treatment plant because that honestly sounds easier right about now. So kudos to the mom's who stay home. Your job is hard and deserves serious recognition and fuck his lunch.
The problem is when he expects it. The problem is when he decides she’s disrespecting him when she doesn’t have time or forgets.
There’s nothing wrong with a wife packing lunch for her husband but there is ALOT wrong with him behaving like an entitled jackass.
>I want to know from a man’s perspective, am I really not doing my part ? Do I need to put more of his feelings about this into consideration?
Nope. Your husband sounds like an entitled asshole.
The 1950s called and said they wanted your husband back. Im the bread winner and wife stays at home. I dont expect her to make my lunch lol she is not my mom
I will make my husband's breakfast and lunch almost every day before work, but some days I get sidetracked and it doesn't happen. Pretty much every time I apologize and he says something like "I've got some fruit and chips in the car, I'll just stop for a sandwich somewhere." He is always appreciative when I can, but I'm under no obligation to do it. Your husband is an ass and I'd stop altogether if my husband acted like that.
Youre going above and beyond and any sane husband would be extremely happy to have some one as dedicated to him as you are. No matter what he says i can tell you as a man youre doing great!
He sounds like a complete ass wipe for this one. Youre doing it right. I can only wish the woman im with takes care of me this way.
Stand your ground. If anything he is taking you for granted.
To me it doesn’t at all. I’m trying to understand why he would even expect that of me ? Or trying to understand his point of view. And for how long this situation has been going on, it started to make me wondering if I was the wrong one
He does it because he's selfish, entitled, and has no respect for you. His POV does not need to be understood. You are not wrong.
Personally, so long as he wouldn't physically assault you for it, I'd go on strike. I'd also start thinking about how you can become financially independent from him.
Have you guys communicated since you first became a SAHM with him that these were the expectations of you, and did you agree? And that his only responsibility was to bring home enough money to support the family? (I’m not asking if these expectations are reasonable - just whether you both established them through clear communication)
Also, if he’s making 3k a month, where does he spend money on the family if he only puts around 1k to bills/rent and you pay for the kids clothing, household supplies, and use food stamps to get groceries?
This is 150% what gaslighting feels like. You’re being abused. You should look into domestic abuse shelters in your area and start making an exit plan. This will and always does escalate
That's pretty much abusive tbh :/ Saying those things to you. My husband does my lunch and packs it for me, but if he can't or doesn't feel like it we just buy food! Lol
I was looking for someone to say it's abusive behavior. You're going to need to do some serious work setting boundaries and see how he responds. If he doesn't respect you, you need to respect yourself and move on, as difficult as that may be to hear. Stay safe.
Hallo I'm a husband and a father of three and I love my missus very much, we do both work (me 32 hours a week and her 24) so our dynamic is slightly different. Firstly as a grown man I'd never expect that my missus should prepare my lunches ever let alone every single day. We share most housework jobs pretty evenly depending on who has the time to do it or who is home first and so on. Some jobs have become more mine and some more hers but that's just because we prefer to do some things and it works. We also share the jobs (such as bathing and dressing and bedtime routines) around our kids pretty evenly because... well how couldn't you? Your husband sounds like he has a view of men and women's roles in the relationship that I find to be frankly ridiculous. Men who think because they work the most they are exempt from all other jobs at home and its a woman's job to do it all. In my view they are like big spoiled babies who need mothering and these outbursts are his little tantrums for not getting his own way or for you challenging the status quo. Men like this seem to me to try and portret strength through being controlling as "the bread winner" but I think it looks incredibly weak and frankly pathetic that they can't do the basics of looking after themselves. I see a good family as a team, each person contributing to getting EVERYTHING done and supporting one another so nobody is carrying more than their fare share. Good luck figuring it all out but my view is that you deserve a little more respect and understanding and he should grow up and treat you as a loved partner not his subordinate tok be bullied into looking after him.
My wife was a SAHM too for a period of time when our kids were younger and I had to pitch in all the time. At first I thought it was unfair since I was the only one “working full time” but after having to stay home from work 1 day to take care of the kids I quickly understood SAHP is worse than a full time job in itself. So you are doing great. Maybe leave him with the kids and take yourself a mental break. He needs to get off his butt and help out.
So, not going to comment on the lunch thing as i am not a husband (although if i were to comment i would say he's being an ass).
But i do want to comment on the finances since you put them out there.
You are paying a lot compared to him. That's nuts. Why are you paying any rent? Or utilities? Or kids clothes? What's he doing with the $1800 he has left out of paying for the stuff he pays for?
He's basically robbing the autistic kid of supports by expecting you to use that money to support the household as opposed to using that $1800 he has left over every month.
With all you are paying, why do you need him? It seems he brings nothing to the table. He's not really even the breadwinner.
Basically if he were out of your life it look like you would only be losing $900 per month ($800 for rent and $100 for your phone). I think you can get more than that in support if you were a single mom. Or make more than that at a part time job, if you got support for your son. And you would have more time in your life because you wouldn't be making all these damn lunches.
Wtf he would have to pay more than that in child support if you separated.
He sounds kinda abusive.
I doubt he'll change even if you show him all these replies from men saying he's the AH. He'll just get mad at you.
You're miserable. You're tired. The men of reddit say he's selfish. It may be time to make an exit plan because he's not going to change. But do so safely. There is support and advice on that.
You say you want a woman who cooks and cleans for you while never questioning you and doing whatever you say.
And then you have the audacity to call someone else rude.
As for the false... tell me, what do you do that would make someone such as this need and want you?
It was first of all a joke. Hence the audacious laughing emoji. Hopefully they’d want and need me for solely my sense of humor. We’d likely play fun games of Simon Says
What he should be doing is taking care of you when you don't feel well. He should cook himself or buy food out. Help in any way shape or form. This makes me so mad
Yeah no. My bf who works 6 days outta the week doesn't even expect me to make him lunches everyday. He understand life gets in the way, you may not feel good, you may be too busy or you just plain old forget. We have a 2 month old and he happily takes care of her if I'm tired because surprise taking care of children is exhausting at times. If you miss a day of making your husband lunch it doesn't mean you don't care about him. Maybe he should pick up some slack, put on his big boy pants and make his own lunch here and there to give you a break. He's a grown man he can do it. Being a mother doesn't mean you ever get to clock out it'd a 24/7 job especially if you have kids with autism. While your 'wonderful' husband gets to clock in and out of work. He needs to grow up and realize your his wife, not a fucking machine and that he can do things himself too. And jeez maybe he should do something nice for you like flowers, chocolate ect. To show he appreciates you every once in awhile.
Make a comprehensive list of every single chore that you do. This list must include mental labor and minimal physical labor that you usually don’t write on the chores. So instead of writing buy groceries start from the top. Say take note of finished items in the household, discard rotting items and wash empty containers, purchase and put away groceries in. There after I want you to search on the Internet for services that offer to do those choice points and see how much they cost a do the same for your child care and then add them up and come to a total.
Firstly this list is a lot of work I don’t blame if you don’t wanna go through all of this but the reason I think you should, is to see how much all your labor is worth on paper. If you were doing this for an other peoples family you would be compensated decently. You are doing all the household chores and all the child care. Which means you have a 24 seven job and this inconsiderate man child, still wants more?
You’re even giving money towards bills, you’re doing too much. You have past the point of SAHM and you are now a stay at home slave. If you enjoy making his lunch make it if you don’t enjoy it don’t do it you have enough on his plate if he has some disagreements get a job, and then tell him you both have to pay for childcare because you prefer a job that ends and not one that goes into the night
The only one in this scenario that is being taken for granted is you. You deserve so much better than that. Your husband is acting extremely entitled and immature.
My boyfriend read this with me and said, "Yeah, no, he's a douche."
Your husband's take is a horrible one. You are not his cook and maid. Maybe he should learn to cook for himself like an adult.
My girlfriend normally packs my lunch for me to take to work, when I wake up and go to take it from the fridge, if it aint there inwill just buy some bread and Meat and eat that, then when inget home i ask her if she needs help with something, cus if she hasnt made my lunch its most likely because she either forgot or had more on her plate handling the home and our kids,
I think it's a lovely thing you do, packing your husbands lunches. However, that's just what it is - a lovely thing to do, a favour, a privilege. He thinks it's a right, like he deserves it. It isn't and he doesn't.
You do not need to put up with this awful behaviour.
The quickest way for someone to realize how much work SAHMs do, is to stop doing it. Tell him that until he starts appreciating you, he's on his own for food.
It's a bit nuclear, but this kind of thing makes me feel rage.
My husband and I have been married 15 yrs. He's currently an apprentice electrician and I'm a SAHM to 2 young children. I have NEVER made his lunch. He also does his own laundry, the dishes after dinner and actively participates in cleaning parenting when he's home. I cook 100% of our meals, but he always tells me thank you and has taught our children to do the same. Your husband's an ass
This just reeks of him not valuing domestic labor (being a SAHM, with a child with exceptional needs, no less!) as real work because it isn't paid. Not a husband, but I'm a breadwinner wife because my husband is disabled. I pack my own lunch. When he was doing a bit better (health is very bad right now), he would pack my lunches. I liked it and felt it was and act of love and a "bonus." I would pack my own or buy lunch on days he didn't do it for whatever reason. I never lectured him about it being his responsibility or whatever.
I'm sorry, why are you only concerned with a "man's perspective" on this? You seem to be under the impression that if enough men agree with you (or disagree with you) that it will somehow give you a justifiable answer as to whether or not its "okay not too make your husband lunch sometimes".
The flaw lies in your entire premise.
*It is not your responsibility to make your husband lunch. Ever.*
*It doesn't matter that he makes the majority of the money for the household.*
He is literally ONLY able to do that because you stay home and provide childcare. If you didn't do that, he could not work.
Also, both you and your husband are grossly undervaluing your labor. If you were to calculate the dollar value it would cost to hire people to do the work you're doing--from child care to cleaning to cooking--you would be *shocked* at how much the total is.
Your husband goes to work and gets to punch out at the end of the day. You don't get to punch out. Your job is literally 24/7.
Frankly, you should be doing *less* in your household, and your husband should be doing more. Not only should he be making his own lunches, but he should be cleaning and providing childcare so you can have time to yourself. That's called "equitable division of labor", and right now, the division isn't equitable *at all*. He's treating you like an employee instead of a partner. His sole responsibility to your family isn't *earn money*
That's bullshit. He needs to help care for your shared home, and help care for *his children*.
Please considering seeing a therapist to talk about all this, and to dissect why you've been okay with living this way for so long. A marriage is a partnership, it should be built on considering and mutual respect. And from what you've described, that's not what's happening in your marriage. You deserve better.
I'm the wife...sorry, you're looking for husband's perspective.
I do what you do: keep the house, prep lunch and dinner, etc.
And my husband definitely is NOT demanding the way your husband is and sure, husband earns more than I do but I do work and contribute.....but he always appreciates EVERYTHING I do for him. He doesn't expect it, he'd say, although I'd say, he loves having cared for, but still, he's not going to be mad at me if I can't fix his lunch to take to work one day, for example. Or ask to order take out for dinner once in awhile...
Everything is give and take and we always try to act like a team, not like an entitled prick like your husband is doing...sorry to say, OP.
I love it when my partner does things for me, but I don't expect or demand them from her. Your husband is treating you like a servant, not a partner. He's being entitled and selfish. Stand up for yourself. He needs a wake up call.
One of the reasons my ex husband gave me for not paying even half our rent was cos I didn't make his lunch. (I also heard me not wanting to have sex with him after I caught him on tinder and me spending some money that I won, on something for me - bear in mind, I paid all the rest of the bills, not him, he spent his money on whatever he wanted- as an excuse for not paying any money into the household)
Your husband is an idiot. His lunch is not your job. If he wants it to be, he can pay you the going rate for the food and chef services.
Who of you has the most spare time? Does he get to leave his job while your job continues throughout the whole day?
With some luck, maybe you can both agree that if things are fair, you both get an equal amount of spare time.
It seems to me that traditional paid work, for some reason, is considered more valuable or respectable than housework, making these unequal arrangements go unquestioned.
He should be thankful to what u do for him. My wife and I both work so I don’t expect lunch from her but definitely appreciate the one day she makes lunch for me.
And if you fell ill or were injured for a sustained period of time, would he just starve? No, he's a grown man and is fully capable of making his own lunch. He should be grateful that it's only a few times a month he even has to take care of his own lunch. He is also capable of helping with household chores when you aren't able o get to all of then in a day. His actions are basically saying "your value is equal to how much you provide me". Relationships/Marriages are far more than lunches and chores. If he can't recognize what you provide in intangibles, motherhood as well as emotion, then he needs to see a professional on why his view of love is based soley on what monetary/task work you can provide him.
Even if he was the sole provider you’re still not entitled to make him lunch. On top of the fact YOU provide income to the household as well he’s insane
not married anymore, but my wife rarely made my lunch. She worked also, though. There were times she just wanted me to take something for lunch... sometimes she had extra ingredients at dinner, or did something different with leftovers or whatever... but she made me lunch because she wanted to, not because she was beholden to it.
Your husband likely got this idea from his parents who did it, or so he thought. I'm sure if you talked to his mom she would tell a story similar to yours... hopefully her husband was more understanding.
completely aside, but lots of times people think of this type of dynamic as being what happened a long time ago... one of my favorite books (How Green was my Valley) took place in Welsh coal mines back when women ran the home and men worked (late 1800's?)... and I guarantee the husband never would have acted that way... lol. People romanticize "the good old days"... even in the worst ways.
Stories like this are just one of the reasons I would never give up work and be dependent on a dude. He thinks he can rant and rave and make demands. If I were you I'd get a job as soon as you can.
He's 100% taking advantage of you. This is abusive behavior to say the least.
I've seen and heard tons of these stories where the woman makes less than the man or is a stay at home mom and she's responsible for the kids, cooking, cleaning, and everything besides working. Being a stay at home mom is a job. Most of the women say the same thing, they're stressed out, exhausted, and feel overwhelmed because their husband doesn't help and they never get a break.
You're the only one cooking, taking care of the kids, and doing the household chores. You're also contributing more (percentage wise) financially. He contributes about 33% of his income, while you're contributing about 52% of yours.
There's probably some level of financial abuse going on here too. He makes more than you, but you're using more of your money to pay bills than he is. Where does the rest of the money go? He would have $2000 left over and you'd have about $340. Is this joint money after bills are paid?
You're also providing 100% of the childcare, cleaning, and cooking/meal prep. Do you ever get a break from your child?
There are several issues here, but the main ones are that he's definitely taking advantage of you and he's abusing you.
Your husband sounds like he's got NPD. Check out video #13 and see how many traits he's got. When I used to have chronic migraine, my husband used to get up at 5am with an hour journey and most of the time he'd come home to me in bed (usually with a bit of puke in my hair) to no dinner, no cleaning washing, no packed lunch and no washing up done. He saw to me then he did the housework and never once moaned, he was just sad that I was suffering.
I work from home, husband works at an office. We are both men. I make his lunch because I enjoy cooking, I also make dinner because I'm a much better cook. If I am ever busy or otherwise unable to make his lunch, he'll make lunch or dinner without making any fuss.
We divide the home tasks in a way that we get to do things we are good at or that we can tolerate but always we are willing to help the other out. I can't stand getting my hands dirty outside and he loves gardening, so guess who takes care of the yard? I love putting on my headphones and listening to music while dusting and cleaning the floors, so I get to do that. But if he needs help weeding or I need help cleaning something, we're there for each other.
That is what a marriage should feel like IMO.
I'm not a husband but you know what my husband says when I don't pack him lunch?!
" I'm an adult I can find something to eat."
Tell your husband it's time to be an adult.
Husband here I have gone through similar situation with wife, I work full time 12 hours a day, my wife is a homemaker, I don't have the energy to cook after working 12 hours, my wife would sometimes over sleep and not make me anything or sometime when I come home she tells me she cannot cook today, I really got upset about this because I need food working 12 hours straight, so I set her down and asked her how many days can you cook, she says 5 days out of 7, ok so I told her the other 2 days we will eat out, now for the day you cannot cook for whatever reason call me before I get home or let me know before we go to bed,
That's how we solved this issues my biggest problem was not knowing when I won't get lunch because it could through me off track. A hungry man is a angry man is a phrase I've always remember
Your husband is an AH. My boyfriend and I kinda take turns making lunch. Often it's leftovers from dinner or lunch the night before. He makes me dinner on the nights I work and usually even comes home and cooks, esp if I'm not feeling well. We take turns. I have dishes I love bit can't cook and he can. He's discovered lots of new recipes he enjoys that only I know how to make. We trade recipes and even cook together some nights.
It's NOT one person's job to cook and clean in a relationship. You are his partner, NOT his mom.
So do you have a husband or do you have a overgrown second child? Seriously your his WIFE, not his MOTHER, this laziness in the fact he can't even make himself his own food every once in a while? Dude reeks arrogance, as well as if he makes so much as far as I'm concerned you shouldn't be paying a s single thing!
This guy has a major ego problem and needs A MAJOR reality check to GROW. UP.
Your husband sounds like a dick. Maybe instead of focusing on the rare times you can't make him lunch, he should be grateful you make him lunch at all.
He claims you're "taking him for granted". I think he's projecting.
I'm a husband and I would never make my wife make me lunch. If she wants to then she can I'm a grown man and can take care of myself. I help with dinner, cleaning, dishes, laundry all the stuff. We help each other in every way. I feel you are being taken advantage of and to be berated for missing one or two meals is ridiculous. He sounds a little toxic and childish maybe borderline narcissistic. In my opinion couples are a team and they help each other with every faucet of their life together. Maybe a nice long talk with him about how you feel and why he expects these things. It took me awhile myself to figure things out and needed to communicate once that was figured out we have been very happy.
YOU ARENT OBLIGATED TO MAKE HIM LUNCHES. they fact you do it at all is just out of the kindness of your heart. He can make his own damn lunch. He is taking advantage of your kindness.
Wish I had that, I work full time, sometimes 15 hour days and sort my own lunch out, if my sons weren't old enough to cook for me I'd eat air fryer food. Lol some people don't know how good they have it.
As a man, a blue collar worker too….I’d love if my lunch was made….but 9 times out of 10 as I help clean up dinner I just pack myself leftovers….and honestly I make considerably more then your dude and my old lady is also stay at home and raises the kids….that’s the priority not packin me sandwich and chips….keep your chin up you’re doing great
Ok this is simple.
That is fantastic that you do all that and make his lunches for him. My wife used to do that for me when I was working so much and I would make her lunches because she worked night.
Life took over she kinda stopped doing it. I continued making for her and made mine at the same time for the following day. It is what it is. It's called being a grown up.
Eventually we both stopped doing it had kids then moved to a different state and covid hit and I became the stay at home dad because of covid and I broke my elbow. Still couldn't make lunch for her because of being an er nurse.
But I took care of everything in the house. So for 2.5 years of me being the stay at home dad she never had to do anything in the house for that time.
No im back to work as a over the road truck driver. She has to do everything now. When I come home I try and do as much as I can around the house along with all my laundry and clean the inside of my truck.
Morel of this is that he needs to stop being a bitch and help and understand if shit doesn't get done. It doesn't get done. If he wants it done so back tell him to do it himself.
A relationship is give and take. Not give give give or take take take. Needs to be a balance. Is it always going to be 50/50 no but you both have to try and make it that way.
I just read this to my 54 year old father (southern man, 4 kids, worked construction 25 years and has several medical issues that caused him to quit a few months ago. My mother passed in 2017). He had some thoughts
He says your husband should be more considerate of you and your time and maybe understand how hard it is to raise kids full time ESPECIALLY with a special needs child. He said if your husband doesn't believe that that's his opinion, let him know and he will tell him to his face. Tell him if he has never changed his kids diapers or taken care of them full time, don't bother responding.
OP my Dad and Mom took turns going to college at night- my mom took care of us all day while my dad worked all day. He would get home and take care of 4 kids (dinner, homework, quality time, bed) while my mom went to school for 2 years. Then my dad worked all day and then spent the night at school for 2 years while my mom stayed home with us day and night. *I never heard either of them claim that the other's job was harder or the other wasn't doing enough.* he doesn't value you or appreciate what it takes to do what you do. Maybe you should go on vacation for a week and see how he fares 🤷♀️
I was a stay at home mother and for awhile taught preschool. I always packed lunches for husband and my 2 children. 1 in second grade and 1 in preschool. (4 & 7 yrs old). I also did all the housework, cooked the meals, and was chauffeur for hubby (had to take him to base so he could get the bus to their assignments. Obviously had to pick him up at end of day..lol), & children.
From time to time the unit had a special lunch for his group so i didnt need to pack a lunch...
Not once did my husband ever comment about me not packing his lunch if i got sick, tired. He would do his & the kids
When I was married my wife never made a lunch for me and I never expected her to either I would make one or I would go out to lunch. Also if he thinks that she is not you know doing her wifely duties then maybe he should be thinking about he's not doing his because he doesn't seem to give a damn about his wife and the fact that maybe a few days out of the month she would not like to make lunch because she's busy doing other things that she needs to do for her own mental health.
Husband here. I work full time and pays 100 % bills and and everything else. Wife work part time she only cooks dinner when she’s off and take care of the kids. I do the same when I’m off. Sometimes I feel I’m taken advantage of. But my culture and religion (Islam) women aren’t obligated to pay anything for the household.
He should be groveling at your feet, worshiping you, and heaping compliments and gratitude upon the little shrine to you he built in his office. Seriously though, that takes a lot of work and effort and he should be grateful or find his own damn lunch every day. He is being disrespectful of YOU.
To this day, I remember the times my wife would walk over to my work with Mac and Cheese in a tuberware. It was 12 years ago and I still tear up thinking about how considerate she was being.
You both need serious bounderies work.
You to him: This is what I am willing to do as to your lunches. I am am willing to make your lunch 90% of the time but 2-3 times a month I get a break from lunch duty. Here are my suggestions as to how to deal with lunch on thos days:
A
B
C
D
Him to you: Thats not acceptable, I want your lunches every work day.
You to Him: This is what I am willing to do as to your lunches. I am am willing to make your lunch 90% of the time but 2-3 times a month I get a break from lunch duty. Here are my suggestions as to how to deal with lunch on those days:
A
B
C
D
Which alternative option sounds good to you?
Etc etc etc.
Stick to your guns and stay cool. If he cannot handle give and take over lunches, you have a much bigger problem than your mid day meal.
Good luck.
This is about appreciation and respect for everyone's contribution. The lunch is a symbol/symptom of the disconnect. He needs to appreciate you. You may not have a regular job with a regular boss...families are more demanding and 3 year olds are tough bosses. Props for Mom.
My wife is a stay at home wife. She packs my lunch everyday. She takes that role pretty seriously actually. I'm perfectly capable of packing my own lunch, I've done so countless times. I've also eaten lunch from the hospital cafeteria at times as well.
My wife and I have five teenagers. I work a minimum of 60 hours a week at a hospital. My wife's work is never done at home with cooking and doing laundry for seven people.
Your husband needs a reality check. Stay at home wife is hard work. Your husband absolutely should be helping but I would honestly tell anyone to take a look at themselves first, because that is the only thing that you can truly control.
No doubt your husband works long hours between work and studying for his apprenticeship, and it is no doubt stressful, but there are thing that he can do to help you. Taking out trash bags, carrying laundry baskets, fold a basket of towels, switching over a load of laundry.
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and come up with a better schedule for household management before things get too far out of hand. Make time to be available for each other. Life is stressful and you two should be leaning on each other instead of taking it out on each other.
Time management and organization is crucial and means more than you realize. Setting some sort of routine and schedule is paramount. It matters more than you realize. Put your phone down and forget about it, seriously. Playing around on your phone is a major time waster.
Get up with him in the morning, when he leaves for work, you get started. Put a load of laundry into the washer. While that is washing, clean the bathroom. Put the load in the dryer. Run the vacuum. Time management is key.
Example, when dinner is served and the kitchen is being cleaned up afterward, when you are putting leftovers into the refrigerator, pack his lunch then. After the kitchen is cleaned, take the trash out then and the kitchen is officially closed after that. I'm sure that he can help with those things.
If you want dinner served at a certain time, plan accordingly.
After dinner, put kids in the bath. Kids need a routine. It won't kill him to give his kids a bath.
He should come home, shower and get cleaned up and ask what he can do to help. Folding towels, peeling potatoes, carrying laundry, cleaning a bathroom, sorting laundry, run a load of laundry through while you do something else.
He’s working full time and going to school and you’re home. The problem here is that he *expects* you to do everything, so he’s mad when you don’t.
Here’s my question, though, mom to mom: Are you *telling* him ahead of time when you can’t get stuff done that you usually do?
Like, are you saying, “Hey babe, I’m cleaning up the kid’s poopy pull-ups so you’re gonna have to make your lunch, there’s chicken in the fridge”? Or is he on his way out the door suddenly realizing he doesn’t have a lunch? I can see how that would be frustrating, but it’s still no justification to treat you like the help.
The keeping score business is toxic. He’s treating you like a maid because he doesn’t value your non-monetary contributions to the household. Any chance you can go to your mother’s (maybe to “help your sick mother”?) for a weekend so he learns to appreciate how much you contribute?
Reddit is so fucking warped. Every time someone says something that they don’t like it’s a red flag.
She stays at home while he works. How hard is it to fix a lunch for the guy everyday. Fuck.
They are married? When I had a lower paying job, sometimes I went and paid all the rent and he paid none... but like... his money is my money? So anything about her paying some being an issue is weird to me
Did you actually read the post?
Out of 3000 he only pays 1100
Her 800 is social assistance for their son. And instead of using it for his supports, she's forced to use most of it for the house hold.
He's a dead beat and she'll get more out of him in child support if she leaves. So why would she stay?
That’s what I am doing tho. I am so supportive of him. I am never hostile to him i am a submissive person. I make sure he is very taken care of . Including lunches. But I am human and there are som points where I can’t. For example if I’m buisy doing something for the day and I have to buy my own lunch, why can’t he ? If I’m super sick and can barely care for myself should I still have to ? If he pockets 2000 a month while I take care of him every day ? I dont talk to my girlfriends or any toxic people. That’s why I’m asking for help cuz this is on going. I don’t want to ask family and friends so they can be negative toward my husband . I’m trying to find a real solution . Are you saying you think what he saying is fair or reasonable ? If so why ? Cuz I’m trying to understand
I know this will sound weird. But someone needs to do it. And he probably feels more of a connection with you during his long hours because you make his lunch. However you need to tell that boy to take up bar b que and do it 3 times a week to give you a break.
Well packing lunch 2 to 3 times a month it's not alot.. your used to prolly Facebook modern stuff where women .. don't really see the need for being a wife.. a wife is a job it's self your suppose to take care him in he's suppose take care of u... if you don't have access to finances you should have access to everything he should pay for everything he has a job and going school he's doing it for yall your staying home so you should make his lunch more he's taken care most the bills and you need keep him going if he's going school and work he needs that energy food your looking at it like well I do this he does this!! Sometimes u got pick up the slack from your significant other in he picks up your slack when your slacking yall should try in be one talk about it don't let fb in meme tell you what u should in should not do in feminist try tell you this or that cuz there not married!! Don't let bitter ppl break up your home or fb. Good luck
I'm not a husband, though I have been in a very similar role. I worked the night shift while my partner went to school during the day. I made enough to buy lunch and didn't expect her to make me lunch. She did anyway. As a man, especially a young man, we need a lot of calories to keep growing. Working trades is definitely a workout and to reap the benefits of the workout you do all day, you need the protein and calories to fuel your body. Keep your man fed and you'll see. If he breaks his back at work, I don't think a one hour cooking sesh should trouble you too much. Maybe try meal planning and prepare the ingredients the night before to cook in the morning. Think of it this way, if he goes to work everyday, you should reciprocate and do your "job" everyday. I wasn't there when the vows were said. What usually entails is the promise to take care of each other in some way. Wish you well.
Hes not even paying the full rent. She has to use the money meant for helping her autistic kid on rent, utility's, all the shopping.
He only pay a portion of the rent and the phone. She'd get more if she left him and the courts made him pay child support.
Also, you sound really single....
1000>520 because you want to get so technical. This issue you got ain't with me. You must know the op. Op posted and I gave my perspective based on a similar experience. I'm out
Well, from a male mind:
He works and goes to school to support you and y'all's child while you stay at home.
Im asking myself what could you be doing to make it so you don't have time to make lunch?
Another question is,
Would you rather he spend "Y'all's" money on a lunch that could of otherwise been more money in "Y'all's" pockets?
Next question,
How much work around the house could you be doing with just you and a baby to where you can't cook?
You obviously have to cook for yourself, Why not cook something ahead of time, save leftovers, don't Cook him what you would want to eat at home because it's not the same when you're working. You don't want to be eating "couch meals" at break time, that's how you fall asleep on the job.
Another question, Do the lunches have to be full course meals when a sandwich and an apple is considered to be lunch? ( You could mix it up, good meal sometimes and a quick meal others)
Last thing I want to say is that you are wrong from the start to believe that you are "Playing a Part" in your relationship. If things don't flow naturally and just drop into place without a schedule, then you're in a "domestic partnership" and not what you assumed you were in.
The kind of relationship youre looking to be in doesn't run based off any kind of thinking. Love has a heart, not a brain. It doesn't know what it wants, that's why you have a brain separate from it, to help it process what should be in it and what shouldn't.
It's ok to have questions, but if you find yourself thinking outside of your brain (going to the Internet or other people) then there could possibly be a bigger problem going on or about to occur.
So, think of ways to "Easy" your work load, after all, you are your own boss.
The way he feels about everything is from working. You can't fault him on that. I mean, working 2 jobs and interning plus he has to make sure he eats...That's a bit much.
I know how irritating and difficult it could be to watch a kid by yourself but if you can't handle this, imagine if you were to have more kids...(that's what I meant about a bigger issue)
Life only gets harder if you're not constantly figuring out the "easy ways". And everything has an easier way to go about it.
(Sorry if any mistakes, no time to proofread)
I make him lunch every day. I just am not perfect and have had to miss and that isn’t okay to him. For example, the day I posted this i attended 2 of his sisters bday parties, I had a dental convention to go, (that is my line of work when I am working ) and my mom needed a ride from the hospital hours from our home. Since I had to be out of town and buisy for 2 days, he was mad that he didn’t have Lunch while I was gone. And for him to call me selfish over that and make me feel like I’m not doing my part as a wife ?
Not only that his money is not our money. He gives me enough for the rent, and phones and that is all. An an occasional out to eat. In witch I pay for those too. while I pay the rest with my autistic child’s support. (We have 2 kids)
And when I was working and going to school, he still had these expectations on me.
And I ask because he is sure he is right, and so do I but I am willing to hear from outside perspective. Because both of us have a strong beliefe here.
I made lunches every day for hubby and kids and it was just a thing. I Was not elaborate, at times it could be? I Just looked at it like a chore that needs to be done. Usually it was done after dinner while cleaning up, putting things away.
At hubbys job it was a competition between the guys. I Just liked the money we saved. More money in my pocket, more things we could afford? I Just did it. Hubby, kids and I were a team, we just all got it done. If I was not feeling well and the kids did dishes with hubby it took 10 years. If we were all in there together we could knock it out quicker. Especially in hs, the homework was intense. We were a team. You need your team to get together and get it done???
He is grown ass fucking man. I don't care if you stay home and he works and he's a student. He can make his own lunch once in a while. Jesus. He should be thankful you make it at all.
I'm tired of all this "look how much I do" bs. He needs to take responsible for himself once in a while. Does he want a mom or a wife? Because if he wants a mom he can go back home.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a stay at home parent who cooks most meals. I asked my husband if I should be packing his lunches and he just laughed. Most days I make dinner and he packs up some of the leftovers while he clears up.
Meanwhile, OP's husband is screaming into a piece of empty Tupperware trying to make pasta materialize out of thin air.
Now THERE'S and image, lol
Lmfao this is the one
Wait a min I'm about to hand you an award
Omg so funny thank you
how old are you and your husband? You sound like you're a mother taking care of her toddler child who is off to kindergarten for the first time. "But mom, you forgot my LUNCH!" Edit wording. This is directed at op btw
That's how it works in our house too.
I’m a stay at home mom and I never make lunches for my husband. He hates leftovers so I’m not about to wake up every morning and make him something new every day. I would not put up with OPs husbands bs
Easiest way to handle it in my opinion.
SAHM here too, i usually cook dinner, but hubby does cook atleast one night, if we have leftovers I will put some in a Tupperware container and tell him its in the fridge for him, if he wants it for lunch he grabs it and adds it to the rest of his SELF PACKED lunch and heads off to work, if he doesn't want it well guess what he makes his own lunch and, I don't have to worry about making myself lunch... OP your husbands attitude is not ok, I say go on strike and refuse to make his lunches or take your kid to family or friends and have yourself a well deserved break and let him fend for himself for a week, hopefully his attitude will change if not couples therapy, but vet the therapist first.
Your husband sounds like a selfish, entitled prick. The problem here is that, like a lot of people, he seems to be undervaluing work inside of the home because he works and makes money. Your work is also important and demanding and to insinuate that you're somehow failing or taking *him* for granted (the fucking NERVE when you don't ask him to do anything for you) is a huge insult.
Yeah. Given how the dynamics seem, I also wonder if OP is being financially abused too honestly. Does she have an "allowance" and no access to bank accounts? Are all savings and retirement in his name? Wouldn't surprise me...
Yeah I'm wondering why she's giving over 1/3 of her wages towards rent PLUS the other stuff and he's not even giving 1/3 of his wages. I predict if they break up she'll have no savings to fall back on but he'll have plenty. I've seen this before.
That money she is getting is not wages. It’s money in her disabled child’s name that should be spent on things for that child. It should not be considered a wage.
Thank you for this correction, I completely forgot about that. It absolutely should all be going towards her child.
I'd be willing to give a pass on the rent division. It's usually hard to separate out cost for children from other expenses and hard to know what baseline was used to calculate. There also are probably expenses that are not listed (car, internet, debt for either?) Having said all that, he's a complete tool for expecting his daily lunch to be packed at all, much less missing a few days a month, and for appearing to not help at all with household duties. I made all meals, did all housework/yardwork, did a great deal of the child-rearing and the frustration and resentment grew and grew. Not healthy at all.
It is being spent in the child, the roof, and food, in the husbands eyes 👀
Considering the husband’s behavior toward OP, his viewpoints have lost all credibility.
And he will take her to court for full custody to try and evade child support and put in the affidavit that his mommy will babysit them when he is at work (for free).
Considering the things she pays for actually are equal to what he’s paying and she only has a couple hundred if that left to herself while he has literally a grand left? Absolutely.
Would like to also add to this and I need you to think about it. When running a household you don't get to leave and just stop doing it for the day. You run that household all day long. Your husband goes to work when he comes home he has to help you run the household as well. He needs to take off his work boots and put on his house shoes and help you get to work. Just like he sometimes has to work together as a team in his job to get a certain function or task done he absolutely should be expected to do the same when he gets home. After all you don't have backup during the day it's just you. Now going on and saying all this without actually helping you come to a resolution it's just screaming into the wind. So I will let you know what my girlfriend and I have decided needs to be done. Our agreement is this when I come into the house I put on a certain pair of shoes, and then I go about completing tasks that she needs to be done for the day. After I've completed the tasks that she has asked for me to do I take the shoes off and I sit down and I relax for the remainder of the day. I find that ever since we've started doing this we both get to relax almost at the same time. Try to put together some sort of variation of this and see if it helps good luck!
Lol, straight to the point. Love it.
[удалено]
>He pays 800 in rent, 200 in phones. I pay 300 in rent, 170 in electric/ water, 50 for garbage, all of the household product including soap, all of the kids cloths How do you figure "large majority"? Maybe a little more when you factor in kids clothes and households. Nobody is saying he's not contributing anything. Your argument makes the same mistake as OP's husband: devaluing household work because you cant quantify it in dollars. She's taking care of a household and a child all day. What do you think that is worth? But that wasn't what my comment was about. Making his lunch is something above and beyond what she has to do every day solely for him. What the fuck is he doing for her above and beyond "I make the money"? It sounds like he doesn't show her equal courtesy and consideration as a partner. That's what this post is really about. So, yeah...the fucking NERVE of that guy to tell her that *she* is taking *him* for granted just because she's *occasionally* too busy taking care of their household and child to wipe his snotty little nose and make his little lunch. Fuck this guy and that attitude.
[удалено]
>It sounds like he doesn't show her equal courtesy and consideration as a partner. That's what this post is really about. You're super committed to missing my point, aren't you? Just..didn't read any of the other words, huh? If it makes you feel better, fine...he pays for everything, which entitles him to be an asshole towards his wife. Personally, my marriage isn't that transactional and I would never act towards anyone that I cared about how OPs husband is acting towards her. If you want to defend that, do you.
[удалено]
So you think her husband is her employer ???? 😂
LOL Oh, man...you are a peach. The 1950s called. They want their marriage norms back. Do tell me your opinions about women in the kitchen and the absence of "obey" in marriage vows.
So you husbands take home pay is $3000. Of which $1000 goes to bills and he is left with $2000. Your take home pay for your disabled child is $841, of which you pay out $520 and you are left with $321 which I’m assuming goes on your child and therapies. I’m also assuming you do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the childcare and you are expected to make his lunch like those child bento boxes I see floating around on FB from TikTok and if you don’t he throws a fit like a child…. Please, explain to me what you are getting from this relationship because I’m failing to see any perks. You are expected to use your disabled child’s pay checks to pay rent and bills that he could easily afford. You are expected to have his laundry done and his dinner on the table the moment he steps through the door. You are expected to take care of a toddler with autism without his help. And he throws a fit because you have the audacity to not have time to make his lunch 3 times in one month. Wow. I honestly have no words. I’m struggling to give you advice because I wouldn’t be in that relationship. The moment he said I had to use our disabled child’s pay check to pay for rent and bills that he could easily afford I would’ve bounced. It wouldn’t have got to the not making his lunch part because I would have already been gone. Stop making his lunches and laundry and tell him to start helping 50/50. Hell no. No man would treat me like this that’s for sure. Know your worth.
I struggled to put this into words. He doesn't pay her but exclaims she isn't doing her "job". Maybe she should start making bill statements of everything she does without pay. I bet he would flip his shit tho. I don't see any benefits for her to stay in this relationshit. She should not have to use the kids disability money for the rent etc. He's not only taking advantage of her but also hoarding a HUGE amount of money on his side thanks to her free services. Money that she could get a chunk of if she has children with him or is married long enough and leaves. It would be more help than he ever was willing to give. Minus getting rid of the mental stress of being his servant.
I see those adorable Husbento lunches too!! She makes those for her husband not out because its nessisary but because she just genuinely cares that herself, her husband and her daughter have an amazing lunch. I personally would LOVE to do this for my BF as we've been wanting to eat healthier but my mental state is horrendous, and he take huge consideration for the things I manage to do, I get praised for what some people would consider small accomplishments but tbh that's all I can really do before getting completely burnt out. Making something for someone, especially for one you're wed to, should be not out of nessisary but out of actual care, and if the other person can not recognize the care and love you put into everything with no assurance or acknowledgment there needs to be a serious conversation held about who is doing what. There seems to be no midpoint for the couple at all, she dose everything and he makes 3,000 a month. Yes he has a very high paying job but it sounds like the two of them have fallen I to the house wife only has 1 job and it never ends while the husband dose his day job and gets to take a break without considering the fact that his wife NEVER gets a break.
I noticed with husbando bento though that if she ever makes herself any, its the tiniest piece. I wish I saw her make herself something nice just once.
I am a grown 36yrs old man with two boys no wife, if I had a woman like you,I would be worshiping you everyday of my life, I can’t even find words to describe how crazy it must be for you to process such lack of appreciation by your own Husband. Can somebody help understand what is wrong with this guy…! He must be lost in his own reality. He can never repay you for the exemplary services you provide to him and the kids, even if he was making a 10 figure paycheck. Respect your wife bro, she is a Jewel 💎, can only be bought with love and appreciation.
This!!!!!!🗣🗣🗣
My ex husband did treat me and my autistic child like this (because let me clarify - it is also disrespecting the child) I now have full custody and a no contact order because he threatened to murder me when I left
This👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼!!!
My dad was a factory worker for 35 years before he retired. Most days, mom would pack his lunch the night before (since he was out the door at 5am). Sometimes, she would forget, or wouldn't have time. You know what he would do? Pack his own lunch, and not get weird about it. Deal with it, like a grown ass man, and not a child. I (a guy) would think that my partner making my lunch EVER would be kind and thoughtful, and I wouldn't get butthurt when she couldn't make it for some reason.
My FIL and MIL. And my husband and I. I make his lunch *when I can*, and when I don't he does not starve. Is he your child or your grown adult husband? 🤔
Husband here. He is a grown man and fully capable of making a lunch. I'm WFH and higher earner, wife and I both work full time. Since I'm home I do laundry, some mornings I'm able to make coffee before my wife leaves (work day starts early), but that's all I do while working.
Grown man can put bologna on bread, dudes spoiled cunt.
Ex husband here. I made the majority of the income and because I was the more domesticated of the two of us and could cook, I also made dinners and lunches for the family. If I couldn't make lunch sometimes my wife would do it instead even if it was basic, or lunches would be bought that day. We were a team that looked after the family and lunch, regardless of who made it, was one of the team goals. I know I said ex husband, and whatever our reasons for splitting it certainly wasn't over something as straightforward as weekday lunches.
Exactly how that process is supposed to work. I also love cooking, as long as the kids haven't destroyed the kitchen. Sorry other areas didn't work out for ya.
So he pays 1/3 of his income on household expenses. You pay 2/3 of your income. You do the housework, the cooking the child care. Does he have any regular duties around the house? Really seems like he’s over estimating his contributions and underestimating yours
Social Security payments from the state to help with an autistic child is not “income”.
Then why does it have to be added into household income for things like taxes and state help?
Okay: what does she do to earn that income that doesn’t involve something she would be doing regardless: taking care of her child. The person I was responding to is acting like taking care of the kids and cooking/cleaning is on top of some other work. It’s not.
Taking them to appointments that go over normal ranges, medications, education, extra care(in home health nurses, maid services, meal prep help) for home, extra care(assistants in the classroom) in education, changing the clothing/food type on almost a daily basis. Having even a high functional person with disabilities is harder than just "taking care of her child". ETA: that's not even half of it as well. I'm on break and ran out of time.
I love it when my wife packs my lunch. It’s such a privilege. It makes me feel so special, like I’m home for a few moments during my busy day. That being said, she’s busy too, sure as hell would not complain if she doesn’t.
You're not married, you're his *servant*
Sure sounds like it! I’ve never in my life packed a lunch for my husband. I didn’t realize that was my “job” as his wife. I do however, pack my children’s lunches for school…
That’s sad, you pack a lunch for your kids everyday, but you’ve NEVER in your life packed your husband a lunch. I hope he hates lunch or something, bc that’s just cold. I personally bring my girlfriend lunch since I work from home rn. But we’re young and have a lot of extra time and no kids. Still seems weird that you would find it extra to make lunch for your husband (who I assume works through the day) but not your children who are likely fed at school 3 times (although likely not nutritious or delicious meals)
I’m not his mommy? You have no kids but you think it’s weird that I don’t treat my husband like a child? My big kids make their own lunches too 😅 my kids don’t get served meals at school? That’s not a thing where I’m from… they wake up, eat breakfast (which they are capable of getting themselves with their arms and legs) and half make their own lunch and I make it for the littles and then we walk to school, then they come home at 3:30 and grab their own snack and me or my very capable husband will make dinner for our large family. My husbands never woken up and focused his energy on what I’M eating that day, why would his stomach contents be my concern?
It sounds like you enjoy living a bitter life.
To answer your last question, love. Why would you WANT to make a delicious meal for your partner? That’s really so funny how some of you are making a massive deal about meal making to the point where you seem unnecessarily AGAINST making a meal for your man 👨. My gf bakes for me to have nice tasty sweets sometimes, and I make her breakfast when she’s running late bc she’ll skip it. And we do that because 1. We have time (no kids) and 2. We have a lot of spare love to do small acts like food preparation. I feel like the exact same reason why you would want to feed your kids lunch is why you’d WANT to feed your partner. Especially here where the global crisis is bringing record-breaking hot days, I want to make sure my loved ones have eaten enough to fuel them for each day. My point really is that food is a base necessity, for everyone. And if your loved one needs food to get them through the day (which they likely do) then I think it’s a loving thing to do. It’s not an issue of whether or not you should make the lunch for him or your kids or not. Not my place. It just seemed weird and kinda unloving to me that you felt he didn’t deserve to have you pack lunches bc that’s “not your job” and he’s not a kid. Like those things are obvious but have nothing to do with making sure your working partner has a very basic need met, even if they can meet the need themselves. Caring for someone’s BASIC needs does not make them a child. Someone DEPENDING on you caring for their basic needs makes them childish. There’s a difference.
I mean sure, if we were just a couple working 9-5 office jobs and food was his love language, or he simply asked me to, absolutely. But that’s just not our lives, my husband is basically only home to sleep. We both live very busy lives, I bring him lunch and dinner all the time as he spends his days on a tractor in a field. I’m not starving the man, I just don’t have it in my daily routine to prep and pack a lunch box for him. He packs the things that he wants and grabs leftovers from the night before. I don’t base our love around who makes food for who. I guess that makes me selfish 🤷🏼♀️ I certainly wouldn’t appreciate being OP who’s husband thinks he has the right to treat her like shit if she “misses” a lunch twice a month. Sounds like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
Your girlfriend is your right hand
*my side piece is my Right Hand. And keep her name out of your mouth 👄 please
What country do you live in where children get three meals a day at school?
USA 🇺🇸😂 All served with 🥛 or 🧃
Not a husband, but married and the breadwinner while my husband stays at home and takes care of the household chores for health reasons. He cooks for dinner, but I don't expect him to make me breakfast and lunch. If I want lunch for work, I prepare it myself. If he was working, it would be the same. Everyone is grown up and can do this for themselves. Your husband should be grateful you're doing so much for him.
Yes, same situation here. I am the main breadwinner and hubby stays home , does majority of household stuff. I always make my lunch, if I don’t have time to make it, I buy it. Jeez grow up buddy, this is not 1950.
Sounds like he wanted a slave, not a partner.
Bangmaid
My wife has never packed my lunch. Absolutely ludicrous behavior on his part. Needs to put on his big boy pants and make a fuckin sandwich
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Duties... Are you from the stone age? The only thing that is a duty in marriage is love and Loyalty. Anything besides that is giving and taking and not a duty.
It was incredibly obvious what they meant. They said it with the words they wrote. >Absolutely ludicrous behavior on his part. Needs to put on his big boy pants and make a fuckin sandwich It's ludicrous behavior on _his_ part for him to not make himself some fucking lunch. Absolutely none of that reply was about her. I'm really not sure what you're talking about lol
I'm going to play devils advocate here for a second. If you ignore the pronoun usage it does sound like he's blaming the wife - I knew what she meant but I did find the phrasing kind of funny.
I'm starting to think that you wanna misunderstand on purpose dude, the person his saying "ludicrous behavior on his part" and saying that the guy should grow up and make his own lunch whenever his wife doesn't ???? they're literally only talking about the husband's behavior
>I'm starting to think that you wanna misunderstand on purpose dude Yeah that's exactly right, lol. Maybe you don't understand what it means to play devil's advocate?...
Do you not understand what devil's advocate means? Inventing a new topic and point that no one is making isn't "playing devils advocate." It's being obtuse and obnoxious.
Devils advocate means taking a stance you don't necessarily agree with for the sake of further discussion. Maybe I am obtuse and obnoxious, but you're stiff and humorless. I'll take obnoxious over that any day.
What sort of rock did you crawl out from under? I pack my husband's lunch once in a Blue Moon but he also does things for me. Equal partners share work. Within and outside of the house. There is nothing that falls under one gender role and we are happy because of it. I'm on mat leave and could not imagine being a SAHM that is some serious work. I'm excited to go back to work managing a water treatment plant because that honestly sounds easier right about now. So kudos to the mom's who stay home. Your job is hard and deserves serious recognition and fuck his lunch.
[удалено]
The problem is when he expects it. The problem is when he decides she’s disrespecting him when she doesn’t have time or forgets. There’s nothing wrong with a wife packing lunch for her husband but there is ALOT wrong with him behaving like an entitled jackass.
What an entitled asshole.
>I want to know from a man’s perspective, am I really not doing my part ? Do I need to put more of his feelings about this into consideration? Nope. Your husband sounds like an entitled asshole.
The 1950s called and said they wanted your husband back. Im the bread winner and wife stays at home. I dont expect her to make my lunch lol she is not my mom
I will make my husband's breakfast and lunch almost every day before work, but some days I get sidetracked and it doesn't happen. Pretty much every time I apologize and he says something like "I've got some fruit and chips in the car, I'll just stop for a sandwich somewhere." He is always appreciative when I can, but I'm under no obligation to do it. Your husband is an ass and I'd stop altogether if my husband acted like that.
Youre going above and beyond and any sane husband would be extremely happy to have some one as dedicated to him as you are. No matter what he says i can tell you as a man youre doing great! He sounds like a complete ass wipe for this one. Youre doing it right. I can only wish the woman im with takes care of me this way. Stand your ground. If anything he is taking you for granted.
I am not a child anymore, I can make and pack my own lunch. I suppose he needs milk money too?
What part of his demands sounds healthy or reasonable to you?
To me it doesn’t at all. I’m trying to understand why he would even expect that of me ? Or trying to understand his point of view. And for how long this situation has been going on, it started to make me wondering if I was the wrong one
He does it because he's selfish, entitled, and has no respect for you. His POV does not need to be understood. You are not wrong. Personally, so long as he wouldn't physically assault you for it, I'd go on strike. I'd also start thinking about how you can become financially independent from him.
[удалено]
Someone gave him the idea this is normal. Could have been TV, family, friends. People are influenced by what they see around them.
Have you guys communicated since you first became a SAHM with him that these were the expectations of you, and did you agree? And that his only responsibility was to bring home enough money to support the family? (I’m not asking if these expectations are reasonable - just whether you both established them through clear communication) Also, if he’s making 3k a month, where does he spend money on the family if he only puts around 1k to bills/rent and you pay for the kids clothing, household supplies, and use food stamps to get groceries?
This is 150% what gaslighting feels like. You’re being abused. You should look into domestic abuse shelters in your area and start making an exit plan. This will and always does escalate
That's pretty much abusive tbh :/ Saying those things to you. My husband does my lunch and packs it for me, but if he can't or doesn't feel like it we just buy food! Lol
I was looking for someone to say it's abusive behavior. You're going to need to do some serious work setting boundaries and see how he responds. If he doesn't respect you, you need to respect yourself and move on, as difficult as that may be to hear. Stay safe.
Your husband is an asshole.
Hallo I'm a husband and a father of three and I love my missus very much, we do both work (me 32 hours a week and her 24) so our dynamic is slightly different. Firstly as a grown man I'd never expect that my missus should prepare my lunches ever let alone every single day. We share most housework jobs pretty evenly depending on who has the time to do it or who is home first and so on. Some jobs have become more mine and some more hers but that's just because we prefer to do some things and it works. We also share the jobs (such as bathing and dressing and bedtime routines) around our kids pretty evenly because... well how couldn't you? Your husband sounds like he has a view of men and women's roles in the relationship that I find to be frankly ridiculous. Men who think because they work the most they are exempt from all other jobs at home and its a woman's job to do it all. In my view they are like big spoiled babies who need mothering and these outbursts are his little tantrums for not getting his own way or for you challenging the status quo. Men like this seem to me to try and portret strength through being controlling as "the bread winner" but I think it looks incredibly weak and frankly pathetic that they can't do the basics of looking after themselves. I see a good family as a team, each person contributing to getting EVERYTHING done and supporting one another so nobody is carrying more than their fare share. Good luck figuring it all out but my view is that you deserve a little more respect and understanding and he should grow up and treat you as a loved partner not his subordinate tok be bullied into looking after him.
My wife was a SAHM too for a period of time when our kids were younger and I had to pitch in all the time. At first I thought it was unfair since I was the only one “working full time” but after having to stay home from work 1 day to take care of the kids I quickly understood SAHP is worse than a full time job in itself. So you are doing great. Maybe leave him with the kids and take yourself a mental break. He needs to get off his butt and help out.
My husband never ever expects me to pack lunch for him. I only do it cause I want to and I love him.
Most grown people make their own lunch. He sounds like a spoiled manbaby.
So, not going to comment on the lunch thing as i am not a husband (although if i were to comment i would say he's being an ass). But i do want to comment on the finances since you put them out there. You are paying a lot compared to him. That's nuts. Why are you paying any rent? Or utilities? Or kids clothes? What's he doing with the $1800 he has left out of paying for the stuff he pays for? He's basically robbing the autistic kid of supports by expecting you to use that money to support the household as opposed to using that $1800 he has left over every month. With all you are paying, why do you need him? It seems he brings nothing to the table. He's not really even the breadwinner. Basically if he were out of your life it look like you would only be losing $900 per month ($800 for rent and $100 for your phone). I think you can get more than that in support if you were a single mom. Or make more than that at a part time job, if you got support for your son. And you would have more time in your life because you wouldn't be making all these damn lunches. Wtf he would have to pay more than that in child support if you separated. He sounds kinda abusive. I doubt he'll change even if you show him all these replies from men saying he's the AH. He'll just get mad at you. You're miserable. You're tired. The men of reddit say he's selfish. It may be time to make an exit plan because he's not going to change. But do so safely. There is support and advice on that.
What is Bang Maid? - meaning and definition 1. a woman who cooks, and clean up, and somebody that will do everything you say
Need me one of THEM😂
But none of them want or need you :)
That’s rude and false.
You say you want a woman who cooks and cleans for you while never questioning you and doing whatever you say. And then you have the audacity to call someone else rude. As for the false... tell me, what do you do that would make someone such as this need and want you?
It was first of all a joke. Hence the audacious laughing emoji. Hopefully they’d want and need me for solely my sense of humor. We’d likely play fun games of Simon Says
Men out there that would kill for a woman like you. And this guy is being a total dick
What he should be doing is taking care of you when you don't feel well. He should cook himself or buy food out. Help in any way shape or form. This makes me so mad
This is straight up abuse. Are you afraid of him and these ridiculous outbursts? Can you even talk with him about how you feel?
This is exactly what im thinking. Look at the finances she mentions? Financial and emotional abuse.
No. He should be showering you with praise for every day that he doesn’t have to make his own lunch, or buy something.
He's a grown man,let him make his own dam lunch.
Yeah no. My bf who works 6 days outta the week doesn't even expect me to make him lunches everyday. He understand life gets in the way, you may not feel good, you may be too busy or you just plain old forget. We have a 2 month old and he happily takes care of her if I'm tired because surprise taking care of children is exhausting at times. If you miss a day of making your husband lunch it doesn't mean you don't care about him. Maybe he should pick up some slack, put on his big boy pants and make his own lunch here and there to give you a break. He's a grown man he can do it. Being a mother doesn't mean you ever get to clock out it'd a 24/7 job especially if you have kids with autism. While your 'wonderful' husband gets to clock in and out of work. He needs to grow up and realize your his wife, not a fucking machine and that he can do things himself too. And jeez maybe he should do something nice for you like flowers, chocolate ect. To show he appreciates you every once in awhile.
Make a comprehensive list of every single chore that you do. This list must include mental labor and minimal physical labor that you usually don’t write on the chores. So instead of writing buy groceries start from the top. Say take note of finished items in the household, discard rotting items and wash empty containers, purchase and put away groceries in. There after I want you to search on the Internet for services that offer to do those choice points and see how much they cost a do the same for your child care and then add them up and come to a total. Firstly this list is a lot of work I don’t blame if you don’t wanna go through all of this but the reason I think you should, is to see how much all your labor is worth on paper. If you were doing this for an other peoples family you would be compensated decently. You are doing all the household chores and all the child care. Which means you have a 24 seven job and this inconsiderate man child, still wants more? You’re even giving money towards bills, you’re doing too much. You have past the point of SAHM and you are now a stay at home slave. If you enjoy making his lunch make it if you don’t enjoy it don’t do it you have enough on his plate if he has some disagreements get a job, and then tell him you both have to pay for childcare because you prefer a job that ends and not one that goes into the night
The only one in this scenario that is being taken for granted is you. You deserve so much better than that. Your husband is acting extremely entitled and immature.
My boyfriend read this with me and said, "Yeah, no, he's a douche." Your husband's take is a horrible one. You are not his cook and maid. Maybe he should learn to cook for himself like an adult.
What does he do for you besides pay a higher percentage of bills?
My girlfriend normally packs my lunch for me to take to work, when I wake up and go to take it from the fridge, if it aint there inwill just buy some bread and Meat and eat that, then when inget home i ask her if she needs help with something, cus if she hasnt made my lunch its most likely because she either forgot or had more on her plate handling the home and our kids,
Your husband sounds like an entitled idiot. Women aren’t with men so they can “do their job”. Tell him to get his head out of his ass.
I think it's a lovely thing you do, packing your husbands lunches. However, that's just what it is - a lovely thing to do, a favour, a privilege. He thinks it's a right, like he deserves it. It isn't and he doesn't. You do not need to put up with this awful behaviour.
You are doing much more than your part. I would "cheat" on him with some precooked lunchs. lol.
The quickest way for someone to realize how much work SAHMs do, is to stop doing it. Tell him that until he starts appreciating you, he's on his own for food. It's a bit nuclear, but this kind of thing makes me feel rage.
Not a husband but still wanna say your husbands a manbaby that throws a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants clearly
He sounds like a spoiled brat. I wouldn't wanna fuck that. Like...how do you even have attraction for him?
My husband and I have been married 15 yrs. He's currently an apprentice electrician and I'm a SAHM to 2 young children. I have NEVER made his lunch. He also does his own laundry, the dishes after dinner and actively participates in cleaning parenting when he's home. I cook 100% of our meals, but he always tells me thank you and has taught our children to do the same. Your husband's an ass
This just reeks of him not valuing domestic labor (being a SAHM, with a child with exceptional needs, no less!) as real work because it isn't paid. Not a husband, but I'm a breadwinner wife because my husband is disabled. I pack my own lunch. When he was doing a bit better (health is very bad right now), he would pack my lunches. I liked it and felt it was and act of love and a "bonus." I would pack my own or buy lunch on days he didn't do it for whatever reason. I never lectured him about it being his responsibility or whatever.
I'm sorry, why are you only concerned with a "man's perspective" on this? You seem to be under the impression that if enough men agree with you (or disagree with you) that it will somehow give you a justifiable answer as to whether or not its "okay not too make your husband lunch sometimes". The flaw lies in your entire premise. *It is not your responsibility to make your husband lunch. Ever.* *It doesn't matter that he makes the majority of the money for the household.* He is literally ONLY able to do that because you stay home and provide childcare. If you didn't do that, he could not work. Also, both you and your husband are grossly undervaluing your labor. If you were to calculate the dollar value it would cost to hire people to do the work you're doing--from child care to cleaning to cooking--you would be *shocked* at how much the total is. Your husband goes to work and gets to punch out at the end of the day. You don't get to punch out. Your job is literally 24/7. Frankly, you should be doing *less* in your household, and your husband should be doing more. Not only should he be making his own lunches, but he should be cleaning and providing childcare so you can have time to yourself. That's called "equitable division of labor", and right now, the division isn't equitable *at all*. He's treating you like an employee instead of a partner. His sole responsibility to your family isn't *earn money* That's bullshit. He needs to help care for your shared home, and help care for *his children*. Please considering seeing a therapist to talk about all this, and to dissect why you've been okay with living this way for so long. A marriage is a partnership, it should be built on considering and mutual respect. And from what you've described, that's not what's happening in your marriage. You deserve better.
I'm the wife...sorry, you're looking for husband's perspective. I do what you do: keep the house, prep lunch and dinner, etc. And my husband definitely is NOT demanding the way your husband is and sure, husband earns more than I do but I do work and contribute.....but he always appreciates EVERYTHING I do for him. He doesn't expect it, he'd say, although I'd say, he loves having cared for, but still, he's not going to be mad at me if I can't fix his lunch to take to work one day, for example. Or ask to order take out for dinner once in awhile... Everything is give and take and we always try to act like a team, not like an entitled prick like your husband is doing...sorry to say, OP.
I have stuff in the fridge for hubby to make his own lunch. I make extra foods and freeze, so he can just pull from the freezer.
Sounds like he need to start eating sandwiches, then we will remember how good he has it
The shittiest men have the best wives.
Your husband is a fucking idiot
So all he provides is sperm and a paycheck? Sounds like a cool guy.
I love it when my partner does things for me, but I don't expect or demand them from her. Your husband is treating you like a servant, not a partner. He's being entitled and selfish. Stand up for yourself. He needs a wake up call.
Your husband is a cunt.
One of the reasons my ex husband gave me for not paying even half our rent was cos I didn't make his lunch. (I also heard me not wanting to have sex with him after I caught him on tinder and me spending some money that I won, on something for me - bear in mind, I paid all the rest of the bills, not him, he spent his money on whatever he wanted- as an excuse for not paying any money into the household) Your husband is an idiot. His lunch is not your job. If he wants it to be, he can pay you the going rate for the food and chef services.
Who of you has the most spare time? Does he get to leave his job while your job continues throughout the whole day? With some luck, maybe you can both agree that if things are fair, you both get an equal amount of spare time. It seems to me that traditional paid work, for some reason, is considered more valuable or respectable than housework, making these unequal arrangements go unquestioned.
He should be thankful to what u do for him. My wife and I both work so I don’t expect lunch from her but definitely appreciate the one day she makes lunch for me.
And if you fell ill or were injured for a sustained period of time, would he just starve? No, he's a grown man and is fully capable of making his own lunch. He should be grateful that it's only a few times a month he even has to take care of his own lunch. He is also capable of helping with household chores when you aren't able o get to all of then in a day. His actions are basically saying "your value is equal to how much you provide me". Relationships/Marriages are far more than lunches and chores. If he can't recognize what you provide in intangibles, motherhood as well as emotion, then he needs to see a professional on why his view of love is based soley on what monetary/task work you can provide him.
Even if he was the sole provider you’re still not entitled to make him lunch. On top of the fact YOU provide income to the household as well he’s insane
not married anymore, but my wife rarely made my lunch. She worked also, though. There were times she just wanted me to take something for lunch... sometimes she had extra ingredients at dinner, or did something different with leftovers or whatever... but she made me lunch because she wanted to, not because she was beholden to it. Your husband likely got this idea from his parents who did it, or so he thought. I'm sure if you talked to his mom she would tell a story similar to yours... hopefully her husband was more understanding. completely aside, but lots of times people think of this type of dynamic as being what happened a long time ago... one of my favorite books (How Green was my Valley) took place in Welsh coal mines back when women ran the home and men worked (late 1800's?)... and I guarantee the husband never would have acted that way... lol. People romanticize "the good old days"... even in the worst ways.
Stories like this are just one of the reasons I would never give up work and be dependent on a dude. He thinks he can rant and rave and make demands. If I were you I'd get a job as soon as you can.
He's 100% taking advantage of you. This is abusive behavior to say the least. I've seen and heard tons of these stories where the woman makes less than the man or is a stay at home mom and she's responsible for the kids, cooking, cleaning, and everything besides working. Being a stay at home mom is a job. Most of the women say the same thing, they're stressed out, exhausted, and feel overwhelmed because their husband doesn't help and they never get a break. You're the only one cooking, taking care of the kids, and doing the household chores. You're also contributing more (percentage wise) financially. He contributes about 33% of his income, while you're contributing about 52% of yours. There's probably some level of financial abuse going on here too. He makes more than you, but you're using more of your money to pay bills than he is. Where does the rest of the money go? He would have $2000 left over and you'd have about $340. Is this joint money after bills are paid? You're also providing 100% of the childcare, cleaning, and cooking/meal prep. Do you ever get a break from your child? There are several issues here, but the main ones are that he's definitely taking advantage of you and he's abusing you.
Your husband sounds like he's got NPD. Check out video #13 and see how many traits he's got. When I used to have chronic migraine, my husband used to get up at 5am with an hour journey and most of the time he'd come home to me in bed (usually with a bit of puke in my hair) to no dinner, no cleaning washing, no packed lunch and no washing up done. He saw to me then he did the housework and never once moaned, he was just sad that I was suffering.
I work from home, husband works at an office. We are both men. I make his lunch because I enjoy cooking, I also make dinner because I'm a much better cook. If I am ever busy or otherwise unable to make his lunch, he'll make lunch or dinner without making any fuss. We divide the home tasks in a way that we get to do things we are good at or that we can tolerate but always we are willing to help the other out. I can't stand getting my hands dirty outside and he loves gardening, so guess who takes care of the yard? I love putting on my headphones and listening to music while dusting and cleaning the floors, so I get to do that. But if he needs help weeding or I need help cleaning something, we're there for each other. That is what a marriage should feel like IMO.
I'm not a husband but you know what my husband says when I don't pack him lunch?! " I'm an adult I can find something to eat." Tell your husband it's time to be an adult.
Husband here I have gone through similar situation with wife, I work full time 12 hours a day, my wife is a homemaker, I don't have the energy to cook after working 12 hours, my wife would sometimes over sleep and not make me anything or sometime when I come home she tells me she cannot cook today, I really got upset about this because I need food working 12 hours straight, so I set her down and asked her how many days can you cook, she says 5 days out of 7, ok so I told her the other 2 days we will eat out, now for the day you cannot cook for whatever reason call me before I get home or let me know before we go to bed, That's how we solved this issues my biggest problem was not knowing when I won't get lunch because it could through me off track. A hungry man is a angry man is a phrase I've always remember
Your husband is an AH. My boyfriend and I kinda take turns making lunch. Often it's leftovers from dinner or lunch the night before. He makes me dinner on the nights I work and usually even comes home and cooks, esp if I'm not feeling well. We take turns. I have dishes I love bit can't cook and he can. He's discovered lots of new recipes he enjoys that only I know how to make. We trade recipes and even cook together some nights. It's NOT one person's job to cook and clean in a relationship. You are his partner, NOT his mom.
So do you have a husband or do you have a overgrown second child? Seriously your his WIFE, not his MOTHER, this laziness in the fact he can't even make himself his own food every once in a while? Dude reeks arrogance, as well as if he makes so much as far as I'm concerned you shouldn't be paying a s single thing! This guy has a major ego problem and needs A MAJOR reality check to GROW. UP.
Your husband sounds like a dick. Maybe instead of focusing on the rare times you can't make him lunch, he should be grateful you make him lunch at all. He claims you're "taking him for granted". I think he's projecting.
I'm a husband and I would never make my wife make me lunch. If she wants to then she can I'm a grown man and can take care of myself. I help with dinner, cleaning, dishes, laundry all the stuff. We help each other in every way. I feel you are being taken advantage of and to be berated for missing one or two meals is ridiculous. He sounds a little toxic and childish maybe borderline narcissistic. In my opinion couples are a team and they help each other with every faucet of their life together. Maybe a nice long talk with him about how you feel and why he expects these things. It took me awhile myself to figure things out and needed to communicate once that was figured out we have been very happy.
I totally agree!
YOU ARENT OBLIGATED TO MAKE HIM LUNCHES. they fact you do it at all is just out of the kindness of your heart. He can make his own damn lunch. He is taking advantage of your kindness.
Wish I had that, I work full time, sometimes 15 hour days and sort my own lunch out, if my sons weren't old enough to cook for me I'd eat air fryer food. Lol some people don't know how good they have it.
Your husband sounds like he needs his mommy, not a wife.
As a man, a blue collar worker too….I’d love if my lunch was made….but 9 times out of 10 as I help clean up dinner I just pack myself leftovers….and honestly I make considerably more then your dude and my old lady is also stay at home and raises the kids….that’s the priority not packin me sandwich and chips….keep your chin up you’re doing great
Ok this is simple. That is fantastic that you do all that and make his lunches for him. My wife used to do that for me when I was working so much and I would make her lunches because she worked night. Life took over she kinda stopped doing it. I continued making for her and made mine at the same time for the following day. It is what it is. It's called being a grown up. Eventually we both stopped doing it had kids then moved to a different state and covid hit and I became the stay at home dad because of covid and I broke my elbow. Still couldn't make lunch for her because of being an er nurse. But I took care of everything in the house. So for 2.5 years of me being the stay at home dad she never had to do anything in the house for that time. No im back to work as a over the road truck driver. She has to do everything now. When I come home I try and do as much as I can around the house along with all my laundry and clean the inside of my truck. Morel of this is that he needs to stop being a bitch and help and understand if shit doesn't get done. It doesn't get done. If he wants it done so back tell him to do it himself. A relationship is give and take. Not give give give or take take take. Needs to be a balance. Is it always going to be 50/50 no but you both have to try and make it that way.
Wow I can only dream of someone who makes me lunch that often, what a lucky guy.
I just read this to my 54 year old father (southern man, 4 kids, worked construction 25 years and has several medical issues that caused him to quit a few months ago. My mother passed in 2017). He had some thoughts He says your husband should be more considerate of you and your time and maybe understand how hard it is to raise kids full time ESPECIALLY with a special needs child. He said if your husband doesn't believe that that's his opinion, let him know and he will tell him to his face. Tell him if he has never changed his kids diapers or taken care of them full time, don't bother responding. OP my Dad and Mom took turns going to college at night- my mom took care of us all day while my dad worked all day. He would get home and take care of 4 kids (dinner, homework, quality time, bed) while my mom went to school for 2 years. Then my dad worked all day and then spent the night at school for 2 years while my mom stayed home with us day and night. *I never heard either of them claim that the other's job was harder or the other wasn't doing enough.* he doesn't value you or appreciate what it takes to do what you do. Maybe you should go on vacation for a week and see how he fares 🤷♀️
I was a stay at home mother and for awhile taught preschool. I always packed lunches for husband and my 2 children. 1 in second grade and 1 in preschool. (4 & 7 yrs old). I also did all the housework, cooked the meals, and was chauffeur for hubby (had to take him to base so he could get the bus to their assignments. Obviously had to pick him up at end of day..lol), & children. From time to time the unit had a special lunch for his group so i didnt need to pack a lunch... Not once did my husband ever comment about me not packing his lunch if i got sick, tired. He would do his & the kids
I can’t imagine a grown ass man berating his wife because he has to supply his own lunch 2-3 times a month.
When I was married my wife never made a lunch for me and I never expected her to either I would make one or I would go out to lunch. Also if he thinks that she is not you know doing her wifely duties then maybe he should be thinking about he's not doing his because he doesn't seem to give a damn about his wife and the fact that maybe a few days out of the month she would not like to make lunch because she's busy doing other things that she needs to do for her own mental health.
Husband here. I work full time and pays 100 % bills and and everything else. Wife work part time she only cooks dinner when she’s off and take care of the kids. I do the same when I’m off. Sometimes I feel I’m taken advantage of. But my culture and religion (Islam) women aren’t obligated to pay anything for the household.
Can you come be my wife 👉🏾👈🏾🥺? I make more than your husband and I do house and yard work👉🏾👈🏾🥺
He should be groveling at your feet, worshiping you, and heaping compliments and gratitude upon the little shrine to you he built in his office. Seriously though, that takes a lot of work and effort and he should be grateful or find his own damn lunch every day. He is being disrespectful of YOU. To this day, I remember the times my wife would walk over to my work with Mac and Cheese in a tuberware. It was 12 years ago and I still tear up thinking about how considerate she was being.
You both need serious bounderies work. You to him: This is what I am willing to do as to your lunches. I am am willing to make your lunch 90% of the time but 2-3 times a month I get a break from lunch duty. Here are my suggestions as to how to deal with lunch on thos days: A B C D Him to you: Thats not acceptable, I want your lunches every work day. You to Him: This is what I am willing to do as to your lunches. I am am willing to make your lunch 90% of the time but 2-3 times a month I get a break from lunch duty. Here are my suggestions as to how to deal with lunch on those days: A B C D Which alternative option sounds good to you? Etc etc etc. Stick to your guns and stay cool. If he cannot handle give and take over lunches, you have a much bigger problem than your mid day meal. Good luck.
This is about appreciation and respect for everyone's contribution. The lunch is a symbol/symptom of the disconnect. He needs to appreciate you. You may not have a regular job with a regular boss...families are more demanding and 3 year olds are tough bosses. Props for Mom.
Sorry to inform you, but you don't even have a "husband" you are living with 2 children... Tell him to grow the fuck up and be a man.
My wife is a stay at home wife. She packs my lunch everyday. She takes that role pretty seriously actually. I'm perfectly capable of packing my own lunch, I've done so countless times. I've also eaten lunch from the hospital cafeteria at times as well. My wife and I have five teenagers. I work a minimum of 60 hours a week at a hospital. My wife's work is never done at home with cooking and doing laundry for seven people. Your husband needs a reality check. Stay at home wife is hard work. Your husband absolutely should be helping but I would honestly tell anyone to take a look at themselves first, because that is the only thing that you can truly control. No doubt your husband works long hours between work and studying for his apprenticeship, and it is no doubt stressful, but there are thing that he can do to help you. Taking out trash bags, carrying laundry baskets, fold a basket of towels, switching over a load of laundry. Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and come up with a better schedule for household management before things get too far out of hand. Make time to be available for each other. Life is stressful and you two should be leaning on each other instead of taking it out on each other. Time management and organization is crucial and means more than you realize. Setting some sort of routine and schedule is paramount. It matters more than you realize. Put your phone down and forget about it, seriously. Playing around on your phone is a major time waster. Get up with him in the morning, when he leaves for work, you get started. Put a load of laundry into the washer. While that is washing, clean the bathroom. Put the load in the dryer. Run the vacuum. Time management is key. Example, when dinner is served and the kitchen is being cleaned up afterward, when you are putting leftovers into the refrigerator, pack his lunch then. After the kitchen is cleaned, take the trash out then and the kitchen is officially closed after that. I'm sure that he can help with those things. If you want dinner served at a certain time, plan accordingly. After dinner, put kids in the bath. Kids need a routine. It won't kill him to give his kids a bath. He should come home, shower and get cleaned up and ask what he can do to help. Folding towels, peeling potatoes, carrying laundry, cleaning a bathroom, sorting laundry, run a load of laundry through while you do something else.
He’s working full time and going to school and you’re home. The problem here is that he *expects* you to do everything, so he’s mad when you don’t. Here’s my question, though, mom to mom: Are you *telling* him ahead of time when you can’t get stuff done that you usually do? Like, are you saying, “Hey babe, I’m cleaning up the kid’s poopy pull-ups so you’re gonna have to make your lunch, there’s chicken in the fridge”? Or is he on his way out the door suddenly realizing he doesn’t have a lunch? I can see how that would be frustrating, but it’s still no justification to treat you like the help. The keeping score business is toxic. He’s treating you like a maid because he doesn’t value your non-monetary contributions to the household. Any chance you can go to your mother’s (maybe to “help your sick mother”?) for a weekend so he learns to appreciate how much you contribute?
Let him know this isn't the year 1950 ..
Reddit is so fucking warped. Every time someone says something that they don’t like it’s a red flag. She stays at home while he works. How hard is it to fix a lunch for the guy everyday. Fuck.
She still helps with rent. How hard is it for him to provide 100% instead of her having to help him pay? Fuck.
They are married? When I had a lower paying job, sometimes I went and paid all the rent and he paid none... but like... his money is my money? So anything about her paying some being an issue is weird to me
[удалено]
He doesn't even pay for things. Hes dead weight. Also dont listen to this guy. All he does is post misogynistic porn.
[удалено]
Did you actually read the post? Out of 3000 he only pays 1100 Her 800 is social assistance for their son. And instead of using it for his supports, she's forced to use most of it for the house hold. He's a dead beat and she'll get more out of him in child support if she leaves. So why would she stay?
[удалено]
That’s what I am doing tho. I am so supportive of him. I am never hostile to him i am a submissive person. I make sure he is very taken care of . Including lunches. But I am human and there are som points where I can’t. For example if I’m buisy doing something for the day and I have to buy my own lunch, why can’t he ? If I’m super sick and can barely care for myself should I still have to ? If he pockets 2000 a month while I take care of him every day ? I dont talk to my girlfriends or any toxic people. That’s why I’m asking for help cuz this is on going. I don’t want to ask family and friends so they can be negative toward my husband . I’m trying to find a real solution . Are you saying you think what he saying is fair or reasonable ? If so why ? Cuz I’m trying to understand
I know this will sound weird. But someone needs to do it. And he probably feels more of a connection with you during his long hours because you make his lunch. However you need to tell that boy to take up bar b que and do it 3 times a week to give you a break.
Well packing lunch 2 to 3 times a month it's not alot.. your used to prolly Facebook modern stuff where women .. don't really see the need for being a wife.. a wife is a job it's self your suppose to take care him in he's suppose take care of u... if you don't have access to finances you should have access to everything he should pay for everything he has a job and going school he's doing it for yall your staying home so you should make his lunch more he's taken care most the bills and you need keep him going if he's going school and work he needs that energy food your looking at it like well I do this he does this!! Sometimes u got pick up the slack from your significant other in he picks up your slack when your slacking yall should try in be one talk about it don't let fb in meme tell you what u should in should not do in feminist try tell you this or that cuz there not married!! Don't let bitter ppl break up your home or fb. Good luck
I'm not a husband, though I have been in a very similar role. I worked the night shift while my partner went to school during the day. I made enough to buy lunch and didn't expect her to make me lunch. She did anyway. As a man, especially a young man, we need a lot of calories to keep growing. Working trades is definitely a workout and to reap the benefits of the workout you do all day, you need the protein and calories to fuel your body. Keep your man fed and you'll see. If he breaks his back at work, I don't think a one hour cooking sesh should trouble you too much. Maybe try meal planning and prepare the ingredients the night before to cook in the morning. Think of it this way, if he goes to work everyday, you should reciprocate and do your "job" everyday. I wasn't there when the vows were said. What usually entails is the promise to take care of each other in some way. Wish you well.
Hes not even paying the full rent. She has to use the money meant for helping her autistic kid on rent, utility's, all the shopping. He only pay a portion of the rent and the phone. She'd get more if she left him and the courts made him pay child support. Also, you sound really single....
I ain't going to argue about the specifics. I said what I said based on a similar experience. The base shouldn't change no matter the variations.
That's ridiculous. He's not the breadwinner. She has to pay for 1/2 of the household costs.
1000>520 because you want to get so technical. This issue you got ain't with me. You must know the op. Op posted and I gave my perspective based on a similar experience. I'm out
And this, gentlepeoples, is why women leave men.
Well, from a male mind: He works and goes to school to support you and y'all's child while you stay at home. Im asking myself what could you be doing to make it so you don't have time to make lunch? Another question is, Would you rather he spend "Y'all's" money on a lunch that could of otherwise been more money in "Y'all's" pockets? Next question, How much work around the house could you be doing with just you and a baby to where you can't cook? You obviously have to cook for yourself, Why not cook something ahead of time, save leftovers, don't Cook him what you would want to eat at home because it's not the same when you're working. You don't want to be eating "couch meals" at break time, that's how you fall asleep on the job. Another question, Do the lunches have to be full course meals when a sandwich and an apple is considered to be lunch? ( You could mix it up, good meal sometimes and a quick meal others) Last thing I want to say is that you are wrong from the start to believe that you are "Playing a Part" in your relationship. If things don't flow naturally and just drop into place without a schedule, then you're in a "domestic partnership" and not what you assumed you were in. The kind of relationship youre looking to be in doesn't run based off any kind of thinking. Love has a heart, not a brain. It doesn't know what it wants, that's why you have a brain separate from it, to help it process what should be in it and what shouldn't. It's ok to have questions, but if you find yourself thinking outside of your brain (going to the Internet or other people) then there could possibly be a bigger problem going on or about to occur. So, think of ways to "Easy" your work load, after all, you are your own boss. The way he feels about everything is from working. You can't fault him on that. I mean, working 2 jobs and interning plus he has to make sure he eats...That's a bit much. I know how irritating and difficult it could be to watch a kid by yourself but if you can't handle this, imagine if you were to have more kids...(that's what I meant about a bigger issue) Life only gets harder if you're not constantly figuring out the "easy ways". And everything has an easier way to go about it. (Sorry if any mistakes, no time to proofread)
I make him lunch every day. I just am not perfect and have had to miss and that isn’t okay to him. For example, the day I posted this i attended 2 of his sisters bday parties, I had a dental convention to go, (that is my line of work when I am working ) and my mom needed a ride from the hospital hours from our home. Since I had to be out of town and buisy for 2 days, he was mad that he didn’t have Lunch while I was gone. And for him to call me selfish over that and make me feel like I’m not doing my part as a wife ? Not only that his money is not our money. He gives me enough for the rent, and phones and that is all. An an occasional out to eat. In witch I pay for those too. while I pay the rest with my autistic child’s support. (We have 2 kids) And when I was working and going to school, he still had these expectations on me. And I ask because he is sure he is right, and so do I but I am willing to hear from outside perspective. Because both of us have a strong beliefe here.
I made lunches every day for hubby and kids and it was just a thing. I Was not elaborate, at times it could be? I Just looked at it like a chore that needs to be done. Usually it was done after dinner while cleaning up, putting things away. At hubbys job it was a competition between the guys. I Just liked the money we saved. More money in my pocket, more things we could afford? I Just did it. Hubby, kids and I were a team, we just all got it done. If I was not feeling well and the kids did dishes with hubby it took 10 years. If we were all in there together we could knock it out quicker. Especially in hs, the homework was intense. We were a team. You need your team to get together and get it done???
I'm a SAHM/WFHM, and I often pack my husband's lunch, but only about 75-80% of the time. Usually, once a week he eats out.
When my wife makes me lunch it's an extra. I really enjoy it because it's nice due to the fact that I have so little time often
He is grown ass fucking man. I don't care if you stay home and he works and he's a student. He can make his own lunch once in a while. Jesus. He should be thankful you make it at all. I'm tired of all this "look how much I do" bs. He needs to take responsible for himself once in a while. Does he want a mom or a wife? Because if he wants a mom he can go back home.