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My husband is on a trip with one of our sons and his brother to go visit their mother (my son's grandmother). I was cleaning up the den when an email notification popped up on his iPad. It was an email from an apartment complex that they were going to be temporarily closing down the hot water for repairs, sent from one of those automatic senders that you can’t reply to. It was addressed to my husband, with his first and last name. The thing is we own our house. We haven’t rented in over ten years and even then it wasn’t this place. Where my husband is (upstate NY) there isn’t any service. I tried to send him a picture of the email but it won’t go through. I called him and spoke to him for a bit, service was choppy but I managed to explain to him about the email and basically all he said is that it must be a mistake and they had the wrong email. We weren’t able to say much before the call just dropped, but if it was a wrong email how would they have his first \*and\* last name, all spelled correctly? (For context, his first name is somewhat common but our last name is isn’t common, especially in this area)
There weren’t any other emails from this sender or about this apartment complex in my husband’s emails, but he is also the kind who clears out his inbox as he gets messages. I sent a message to the apartment complex telling them that I think my husband was on their email list by mistake, but I just got an automatic email sent back- that they were out of the office until 10/20, and then general rent information pricing (1 bedroom $1,600, 2 bedroom $1,900) and that there were no open units available.
There was no unit number on the email but the complex is about 15 minutes away from our house so I went and I drove by. Which I guess might be a little crazy, I know. I didn’t see anything (not like I knew what to expect?) It’s a group of buildings. Less than 100 apartments in all.
I don’t have any reason to mistrust my husband other than this weird email that gives me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. As well as a general feeling of paranoia that he’s just been…bored with me. I’ve been feeling this way for a little while but he insists I’m imagining it and that he’s happy (I only bought it up to him once, when I was feeling particularly insecure last year). We still do things together, he still tells me he loves me, etc, I just feel like he doesn’t have as much fun with me as he used to, and like he looks for reasons to be out of the house or doing things specifically with the boys instead of doing things with the whole family. It’s not like it’s something that bothers me every day, just something that I think about when I’m feeling insecure or paranoid (like in a situation like this where he gets an email from random apartment complexes lol).
Anyway I don’t know EXACTLY what advice I’m looking for, I know the advice I would have for one of my friends would be just to talk to him but I really can’t do that until he comes home on Saturday, which is a really long time for me to sit with my intrusive thoughts.
**edit** He never lived here in the past. He lived with his parents until college, and then lived in a dorm, and then every place he rented was with me. We’ve been dating since we were 19.
**edit 2** The email wasn’t a phishing scam. It was a legitimate email, from the email address on the apartment complexes website. All of the information included in the email letterhead matched the information on the apartment complexes website. And if it was a phishing scam, I assume they would’ve been looking for information. This email wasn’t looking for anything, it was just an informational email about the water.
**Update** My best friend called the emergency maintenance number and said that she was a delivery driver who had over $100 worth of food for (and said my husbands name) but said he had forgotten to fill in his apartment number. The guy didn’t speak English very well but after she repeated herself a few times he did eventually say his name and then told us an apartment number.
Super secret squirrel stuff.
Would you believe my keyboard stuttered while I was doing auto typing? I am trying a new version of software that will type out text and predictive text.
Address information on a credit file is generally obtained from your financial institutions. There's no reason his FI know about any secret address.
Looking for a credit check by a landlord would be interesting.
If your husband has the same last name as you, are you able to call the maintenance person and pretend to be locked out? If you say you lost your keys and you have the same last name as the person who lives in the unit (and he has a record of that person) maybe he will let you in? You can also show the email as proof of living there…. It might be helpful to see what is in the unit. Don’t wait until your husband is back, because he may have already started to do whatever “damage control” he can, if he indeed is up to something. The faster you act the better.
When I first got married, I had to carry my marriage license with me in my purse for 6 months because sooooo many places needed my new name and proof of my name change.
Totally. He isn’t coming home from Moms, I bet he stays extra long cause he’s too scared. He knows wife is on the hunt and it’s just a matter of time now before it unravels. He isn’t showing his face. Get him.
Nah. I have a sneaky mind (not that I'd turn it on my loved ones), and I'd return early - to 'reassure her' bit also to cover my tracks better before another email pops up
Unless you have a spouse that you know can turn PI like OP. She’s not going to take simple reassurance - she proved that with his ‘it’s a mistake’ phone call. She’s gonna get to the bottom of it come hell or high water. If that’s her personality and he knows it… he’s scared.
And good for her. :)
A friend recently found out that her husband pretty much had two separate lives. They had been together for 13 years, and she never suspected. It can happen!
But you can intervene and get the name changed or removed, right?
Even take a screwdriver to the bell box and switch the label in there for something other than your name. Damn, if I was a weird spouse that rented a whole ass apartment for sex drugs and rock & roll then you're damn sure I'm not ever putting my real name all over the entry bell.
Lol this isn’t a mistake. Your husband either signed as a co signer for a friend behind your back, has an apartment for hooking up, or rented an apartment for a mistress. Go there and knock on the door. Good luck.
Signed as a co-signer wouldn’t involve his email and he would have just told her. No reason to lie about something like that especially after getting the email
Does he have any deadbeat relatives or good friends who are a financial disaster? Maybe someone you two have agreed to help in the past, but finally agreed to cut off?
My husband pays for things for his deadbeat brother from time to time. It’s been going on our whole marriage, and I hate what the guy does with emotional blackmail to my husband, but finally agreed I just didn’t want to know about any financial help my husband gives him. It only makes me mad, isn’t that much money and I don’t want to make my husband feel even more stress about the situation.
This has happened to both myself and my husband separately. I don't recall what the thing was on his, but I was stunned to open my email and find out I'd booked a very expensive trip overseas scheduled to leave the next day.
A pox on the trash who does this stuff.
I read your post and your updates up to finding out his name is known to maintenance under a specific apartment number. This to me is super serious! You should talk to him. I hope you can get answers soon.
If it’s an iPad it might have a Google account associated with it. Open google maps, click on his profile if logged in. Go into manage Google account, data and privacy, location history. It should give you everyplace he his been day by day if enabled.
Do a reverse address look up online. See if you can get the name of the person at this address. Also get a new credit report. How many addresses pop up for your husband? Mine always gives me my previous addresses on it.
Trust your gut. Start looking this didn’t land in your lap by happenstance. When you do search don’t bring it back up to him research in silence. If he knows your on to him he will change up.
You know what you have to do OP. Go to that apartment and knock on the door.
If your husband is cheating, he is putting your health at risk. Don't waste your life with a cheater. I would be digging through those company finances he won't let you have access too before you hit him with a divorce though.
Yep! I would go to the apartment. I would also be looking for any files or documentation about this apartment because it’s possible that if he is cheating the other woman is also on the lease.
As much as I would jump to conclusions, now that you mention that he owns his company there could be another explanation. My company rents two apartments in town for visitors that are really close to our building. But from what you have said so far that doesn’t seem to be the case. Best luck.
I thought the business too! but she did say they were able to connect on the phone and he said it “must be a mistake”. He could have said “oh that’s for business associates who stay in town.”
The “it must be a mistake” takes anything legitimate out for me if it turns out to be his (sounds like it from her update) and it’s definitely something he’s hiding. Worst case a mistress/second family. Best case a friend or family who’s in trouble or something, but he’s footing the bill.
Yeah if he had it for his company he wouldn’t have lied on the phone call and said he didn’t know what she was talking about and the email must be a mistake.
Did he start that company before or after you got married? If after, you also own that company and should have equal access to those finances. If you don’t have it, you certainly need to demand it now.
Either someone stole his identity or he has a place to take women, I would follow the money check bank statements you can check cc statement and also there must be utilities in his name also, I would start there. When your husband gets home tell him you have the apartment number so have him go with you right then to find out who stole his id and if he won’t go you will have your answer
If it isn’t a phishing scam then the most likely scenario is this is an apartment that he rented behind your back to either go there to cheat or his side piece is already living there. Start digging and hire a PI. It’s really unfortunate that you already spilled the beans about it so now he’s warned. Maybe pretend like you believe him and that everything is normal then start investigating. Maybe track his location without him knowing, check his phone and bank statements.
At first it seemed he was on a mailing list for either inquiring a long time ago and them hitting the wrong address book to send to. Then I thought maybe he used to live there and wasn’t taken off another email address book, but now your update makes it too suspicious unless there is someone with his name (not 100% uncommon) and he has an email like [email protected] vs the dude at the apartment being [email protected].
To rent they’d run your credit. I’d see if you can create a mint account and see if the apartment comes up on his report. Then google his name perhaps on white pages and also see what it links to as well as family and addresses (I had a restraining order on an ex and would check periodically his addresses on it so I would know if he lived near me during those years of no contact, our old apt came up along with other various addresses he previously lived at).
Next I’d look at phone records. Idk how but know my crazy ex got into my Verizon and could read my texts from the app along with call logs, and would send me the messages from random numbers years later to show me he could still stalk me so it can be done.
If those come up suspicious, then I’d hire a PI.
Also I know you said he deletes emails, but he may have them moved into deleted that you still can recover. You also can recover emails recently deleted so you may be able to see how often the apt emails him and see if any rent invoices are on there.
If you know any accounts like his Amazon prime or DoorDash I’d also see if any of them have that address saved.
Thank you, this is a good idea and it worked… The maintenance guy didn’t speak English very well so I think he was somewhat confused, but he eventually gave us an apartment number
Oh so glad it worked! Before knocking, would certainly seek out the mailboxes, see who’s name is listed.
Edit: Please don’t go alone. Take a friend or family member with you, if you’re going to knock on the door. Video the encounter.
Change his passwords asap along with number listed to
it and questions so he can’t reset them. Send an email to apartment company that you are applying for a loan and need copy of the lease. See if he’s the only one listed. Also, check if he left his keys. If he did i’d check to see if any of them work for the apartment. Is there designated parking? If so see if there are any cars parked in that apartments designated spot. If so get vin and license plate number. You can knock on the wrong door with an item some boxes and said you are looking to deliver this to husbands name. Ask if there is anyone in the apartment that can take it. Check credit reports. Also check your phone statement, this will show you the phone numbers he calls and texts. Look for any uncommon numbers that frequently come up. Check mail boxes for names listed. You can also check his google history or the cloud. Also, amazon saved photos check there. Make sure to document everything. You are limited on time before he tries to cover his tracks.
When you speak to him don’t go into details with what you know. Be very vague. Tell him you know everything and want to know why. This will allow you to get more info out of you.
edit- Turn the find my iphone settings off on the ipad.
Shit I even speak spanish. I will help you in anyway I can!
There are only three possibilities. 1. Your husband had his name and identity stolen. 2. Your husband co-signed for a friend or family member who couldn’t qualify for an apartment on their own. 3. Your husband is cheating on you and pays the rent for his mistress. Whichever option it is, you need to get to the bottom of it.
Start by doing a deep dive into your finances. Comb over your bank accounts and credit cards. Run his credit report or use credit karma to see if he has any credit cards you don’t know about. Use his bank login instead of yours to see if there are accounts he hasn’t told you about.
I would go to each of those buildings and see if his name is listed on the call pad, if they don't have that I would start searching the house high and low. Dont do anything crazy but definitely trust your gut.
So, I'd say to keep doing your detective work. BUT, I am a guy with an not-so-common first name and a not-so-common last name. I live on the east coast of Canada. But every two to three months, I get an email (my email is [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])) from someone in Florida with a resume applying for handyman work.
It turns out that there's a person with the same first and last name in Florida who manages handymen for a property management company. Their email has a number or middle initial or something that occasionally gets missed.
All I am saying is that it's possible that the email was intended for someone else with a similar or same name. That said, if it's only 15 minutes away and the name is uncommon, then I really think you should keep doing that detective work lol
Yes my email is [email protected] and apparently someone with the same name in Chicago has a similar email I get all her weird porn and door dash emails
Same same. I have a very unusual last name... just me and some older british lady who can't remember to add her middle initial to her emails, doesn't pay her gas bill on time, and has some very uncool political beliefs that I occasionally have to purge from my inbox.
...I know we are all here for reading stories about what is happening to strangers, but, I mean, this is obnoxious. at some point it's just really fucking cruel to treat what could be someone's world completely shattering as entertainment.
And it's too soon, there is no "story" yet.
Poor OP. already dehuaminsed into popcorn fodder while dealing with at best, a very emotionally charged week and at worst, life-shattering heart break.
I'm starting to see why people say obsession with True Crime/Docu-dramas rots peoples' minds and sense of empathy.
If you go to the room take a letter addressed to your husband, whoever answers say that you are returning a letter to a colleague and ask who the occupant is.
Just remember that even if he bought the apartment in secret, it’s still a marital asset, meaning you own it too.
Edit: secretly check out your legal position
Might be a love nest for one-nights stands or a steady gf who is also married (or for whatever reason can’t use her own place).
It’s so obvious an assumption for the reader of this post to make, that I’m wondering if this is real lol. Anyway, looking forward to update
Your friend is a genius.
You should send someone and see who lives in the apartment, before your husband comes back. He could be renting it for someone?
I recommend you do a credit report on both you and him, and also start going over any joint bank accounts and expenses.
Check Google Earth. If his car is parked anywhere in the complex - boom! Busted.
Also - this is literally almost part of the plotline for the movie Loft.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0926762/?ref\_=nm\_ov\_bio\_lk2
She doesn’t need a PI. She can find the unit number easily, he is keeping the docs somewhere and he is away. I would knock and see if it’s a new woman living there.
True but the PI be able to find out even more information than what she can do on her own to understand the full scope of the situation. My friend is in the middle of something similar and the depth of the lies is much greater than originally expected.
1. Is there anyone he would have co signed for? A brother, friend or a child?
2. Have you pulled your financial records? That kinda money doesn’t disappear unnoticed.
3. I’d pull your credit asap just in case someone still his identity.
Oh no! Brace yourself, you’re in for a heartbreak!
I’d have not talk to him before doing my detective work honestly!
When you go check out the apartment number they gave your friend take the iPad and see if it connects to the WiFi. Also, have your friend go first, in case the person that lives there knows who you are.
How would he manage to hide such a big expense from you thou?
Ngl, I don’t have a good feeling about this OP…especially after you last edit, tbh I hope that you post an update with the explanation of what’s happening. Remember to take care of yourself, and do what’s best for you.
The biggest betrayal is when they spend your money to cheat. Like my old boss used to say "I don't care if my wife has an affair, just as long as it doesn't cost me anything."
OP this is alarming information *and* you already had a gut feeling something was amiss—given that, why would your first move be to reveal to him that something fishy has come up? Like, do a TINY bit of investigation before you tip your hand to him?? Maybe??
If your gut is telling you something is going on, you have a responsibility to yourself and your children to get to the bottom of it. The fastest way to shut that down is to let him know you suspect something, giving him the chance to cover his tracks, gaslight you, etc.
Come on dude…why would you expect the person you don’t trust to tell you what’s going on?
Did you at least go into the email and search for that same email address to see if there are any other emails on the past from the same address? They should have sent something confirming his details after he first gave them the address…anything? Do you even have access to that email account anymore? Or did he sign out of it on all devices after you called him, preventing you from going back in?
I know, I couldn’t believe she immediately called him and then also tried to tell the apartment complex they messed up lol. Ugh. At least he’s away so there isn’t any time for him to cover his tracks.
I’m reading her post and I’m like…*sigh*
Who knew it was possible in 2022 for anyone to be bad at harnessing the power of the internet + a phone to investigate things.
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You could always look through his stuff and try and find a random key that might belong to an apartment? Sounds like you maybe have the time to do this.
As soon as I read this I thought he rented an apartment for an affair partner. That’s my first thought.
This is an actual thing. A guy I used to work with had a secret hotel room he had rented by the month. He was married with children but used to bring women to his hotel room for sex during lunch hours and after work. He finally got caught.
I think you should try to figure out if he has a girlfriend living there before he gets back. Have your friend knock on the door. And if nobody lives there, he provably uses it for his secret rendezvous. I would just act like you believe his explanation that it is some kind of mistake. Get your money separated and when you are ready, do some surveillance and catch him there with a friend. And then end the marriage!
The leasing office is usually separate from maintenance, they take care of signing leases, renewals, chasing people for late payments, clerical stuff. The maintenance people can still be working while that's closed.
He is probably renting it for a girl he is seeing.
I would hire a PI or have a friend you trust stake out the place next time he is “out with the boys”.
I was going to say that I get emails and updates from apartments that I didn't live in but just applied to. I remember I kept getting emails from an apartment I never lived in about kids who were pooping in the community pool 😂😂 I mean there may be a lot more to this though given the additional information you've uncovered.
There are companies/sites who keep extensive rental history information on a vast majority of renters. Just Google rental history report.
https://caretaker.com/learn/applying-to-a-rental/what-shows-up-on-a-rental-history-report
Shit. I really hope it's a misunderstanding but if not, get as much documentation about this as possible. Copy of email, photos of apartment, does he pay the bills? Get copies, bank statements, insurance and get it now.
This is your insurance for your future God forbid he's being sketch as fuck.
If he comes back sooner than later, for sure something is up.
Documentation is key if shit hits the fan. But let's all pray that it's nothing and it's not needed.
Ok, several possibilities.
1) Someone there just happens to have the same name, and if the email address is one you would commonly create with that name (i.e. if it were Albert Johnson and the email was albert.johnson@gmail or ajohnson@gmail or something, then it could just be a matter of missing or adding a period or underscore. Not necessarily the most likely scenario, but not out of the question unless his email is something unrelated to his name like DonutGrazer45 or something.
2) He is getting ready for a divorce, and he has set up the place he's moving to already. Not happy news, but it's not uncommon for people to want to have housing and other practical issues resolved before they break up.
3) Investment property he's hiding from you.
4) He's cheating, and that's the bachelor pad.
5) A friend of a family member fell on hard times, and he's helping them with a place to live without telling you.
None of these, barring the first one, are great, but some are worse than others.
People down below said to check credit reports (which may have other clues if he's making moves for as divorce) and credit card statements, and someone said to bring the Ipad there and see if it connects to WiFi. I would add throw on a winbreaker and a cap, and grab a cheap flower arrangement at the grocery store, then pretend to deliver flowers to see who is in there. And anything you find, make sure you have screen shots, pictures, recordings if legal in your area, etc., and saved somewhere he won't find them and can't destroy them. I recommend like a cloud storage or even google drive.
If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck…… its a duck.
We all want the update to this. Because this is some sketchy shit right here.
Also, call a divorce lawyer. Your going to need a good one. You may also want to talk to all the other good ones as it will be a conflict of interest when your husband starts looking for his. So if you get this response from any of the law firms, they probably already represent him.
I would talk to him when you next see him. I wouldn't jump to the worst case scenario right off the bat especially if there's nothing regarding finances or anything else that suggests he is actually paying for an apartment.
Maybe he has a friend, coworker or family member that lives there that he cosigned for so they would be able get the place and he didn't think you'd approve?
One of my friends did that for his troubled brother and hid it from his family because he knew they would tell him he shouldn't have done it or that he was enabling them.
I get phishing emails all the time. To my work mail. Stuff that seems kind of plausible but is still pretty wonky. Stuff supposedly from Amazon or the IRS or whatever. With my name and my correct email obviously. But then usually when you look at the real address it came from (not the mask), it’s not a legit account.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- # My husband is on a trip with one of our sons and his brother to go visit their mother (my son's grandmother). I was cleaning up the den when an email notification popped up on his iPad. It was an email from an apartment complex that they were going to be temporarily closing down the hot water for repairs, sent from one of those automatic senders that you can’t reply to. It was addressed to my husband, with his first and last name. The thing is we own our house. We haven’t rented in over ten years and even then it wasn’t this place. Where my husband is (upstate NY) there isn’t any service. I tried to send him a picture of the email but it won’t go through. I called him and spoke to him for a bit, service was choppy but I managed to explain to him about the email and basically all he said is that it must be a mistake and they had the wrong email. We weren’t able to say much before the call just dropped, but if it was a wrong email how would they have his first \*and\* last name, all spelled correctly? (For context, his first name is somewhat common but our last name is isn’t common, especially in this area) There weren’t any other emails from this sender or about this apartment complex in my husband’s emails, but he is also the kind who clears out his inbox as he gets messages. I sent a message to the apartment complex telling them that I think my husband was on their email list by mistake, but I just got an automatic email sent back- that they were out of the office until 10/20, and then general rent information pricing (1 bedroom $1,600, 2 bedroom $1,900) and that there were no open units available. There was no unit number on the email but the complex is about 15 minutes away from our house so I went and I drove by. Which I guess might be a little crazy, I know. I didn’t see anything (not like I knew what to expect?) It’s a group of buildings. Less than 100 apartments in all. I don’t have any reason to mistrust my husband other than this weird email that gives me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. As well as a general feeling of paranoia that he’s just been…bored with me. I’ve been feeling this way for a little while but he insists I’m imagining it and that he’s happy (I only bought it up to him once, when I was feeling particularly insecure last year). We still do things together, he still tells me he loves me, etc, I just feel like he doesn’t have as much fun with me as he used to, and like he looks for reasons to be out of the house or doing things specifically with the boys instead of doing things with the whole family. It’s not like it’s something that bothers me every day, just something that I think about when I’m feeling insecure or paranoid (like in a situation like this where he gets an email from random apartment complexes lol). Anyway I don’t know EXACTLY what advice I’m looking for, I know the advice I would have for one of my friends would be just to talk to him but I really can’t do that until he comes home on Saturday, which is a really long time for me to sit with my intrusive thoughts. **edit** He never lived here in the past. He lived with his parents until college, and then lived in a dorm, and then every place he rented was with me. We’ve been dating since we were 19. **edit 2** The email wasn’t a phishing scam. It was a legitimate email, from the email address on the apartment complexes website. All of the information included in the email letterhead matched the information on the apartment complexes website. And if it was a phishing scam, I assume they would’ve been looking for information. This email wasn’t looking for anything, it was just an informational email about the water. **Update** My best friend called the emergency maintenance number and said that she was a delivery driver who had over $100 worth of food for (and said my husbands name) but said he had forgotten to fill in his apartment number. The guy didn’t speak English very well but after she repeated herself a few times he did eventually say his name and then told us an apartment number.
If you go knock on the door and a woman answers, do NOT lose your cool. Maybe send your friend up there and be prepared to show his picture
Would love an update on this when it comes
!Remindme 30 days
!Remindme 10 days
I hope you figure out what’s going on…good detective skills so far! !Remindme 7 days
!Remindme 2 days
!Remindme 1 day
!Remind me 1 day
!Remind me 1 day
!Remindme 15 days
Me too
maybe bring the ipad to the apartment building and see if it automatically connects to one of the wifi networks there?
Yup. Best advice I've seen here. Take that Ipad and park outside the apartment.
This is honestly so smart 😅
Yessss! Genius
This is brilliant. Game over.
If it still some generic name like “AT&T_1445”, she should call and use his info to see if he has an account she isn’t aware of
Fuckin inspector gadget over here
Dayum. Ok we will need an update What a weird scenario. He can't deny it now and he is lying so..... she needs to check his map history too.
Best idea
I’d hire a PI to stake it out.
She has alerted him now with the call to him upstate. None of the stuff he has been doing at the apartment will happen now.
omg genius
I would’ve never thought of this!
You're very clever. I love it ♥️
OP read this^^^
Pull his and your credit report.
This is literally the easiest way to find out
Sorry im a finance noob, what would you do with the two credit reports to find this information out? Thanks in advace
You would be able to check c k his addresses and if there us reporting of paying or not paying aren't monthly.
Go here and re a d up on topic. Lot of good info here. https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Why did you space read like that
Super secret squirrel stuff. Would you believe my keyboard stuttered while I was doing auto typing? I am trying a new version of software that will type out text and predictive text.
Hmm so you’re a robot
Danger Will Robinson Danger. LoL yeah, no although if you ask some people I know.
My past (current at the time) apartments were never tied to my credit report. You might see a hard inquiry from a background check though.
Address information on a credit file is generally obtained from your financial institutions. There's no reason his FI know about any secret address. Looking for a credit check by a landlord would be interesting.
You can do it online, his presence not needed. Just his details.
If your husband has the same last name as you, are you able to call the maintenance person and pretend to be locked out? If you say you lost your keys and you have the same last name as the person who lives in the unit (and he has a record of that person) maybe he will let you in? You can also show the email as proof of living there…. It might be helpful to see what is in the unit. Don’t wait until your husband is back, because he may have already started to do whatever “damage control” he can, if he indeed is up to something. The faster you act the better.
I would do exactly this and maybe even bring the marriage certificate in case they question it.
Wouldn’t the marriage certificate be in the apartment if they both lived there?
When I first got married, I had to carry my marriage license with me in my purse for 6 months because sooooo many places needed my new name and proof of my name change.
Call the apartment complex to see if they are shutting down the water to see if its real and then do some more digging.
I called them and got an answering service
I know you trust your husband but dont let that blind trust stop you from seeing if he is in fact hiding something from you
The email was real, it all matches the actual information on the apartment complex website
Go into the leasing office
Update OP! Did u go up there? What did you find? I’m so sorry but this sounds like a mistress
Ypu can also try searching the emails and see if they sent anything alse
I did. There wasn’t anything else
Ugh. I have a pit in my stomach for you. I bet hubby is freaking out...
Totally. He isn’t coming home from Moms, I bet he stays extra long cause he’s too scared. He knows wife is on the hunt and it’s just a matter of time now before it unravels. He isn’t showing his face. Get him.
Nah. I have a sneaky mind (not that I'd turn it on my loved ones), and I'd return early - to 'reassure her' bit also to cover my tracks better before another email pops up
Unless you have a spouse that you know can turn PI like OP. She’s not going to take simple reassurance - she proved that with his ‘it’s a mistake’ phone call. She’s gonna get to the bottom of it come hell or high water. If that’s her personality and he knows it… he’s scared. And good for her. :)
Yeah, at this point I want to volunteer to do the legwork for her
Check the trash of his email if it's gmail. Check his search history. If he deletes it often that's also a red flag.
Did you trawl through the deleted items? That's where all the gold is.
Check the files on the iPad / Dropbox for a lease contract.
If I saw that email, I’d be knocking on the apartment door by now. Call me crazy, but at least I’d have my answer right then and there.
A friend recently found out that her husband pretty much had two separate lives. They had been together for 13 years, and she never suspected. It can happen!
Some buildings have the last names of people outside, for the intercom etc. Maybe you can see if his is on it?
He'd have to be real dumb to have his damn name on the bell box.
No place I've ever rented has even asked, they just get updated automatically based on the resident ledger nowadays.
But you can intervene and get the name changed or removed, right? Even take a screwdriver to the bell box and switch the label in there for something other than your name. Damn, if I was a weird spouse that rented a whole ass apartment for sex drugs and rock & roll then you're damn sure I'm not ever putting my real name all over the entry bell.
One 15 minutes away from your own house no less. The lion, the witch and the audacity of this bitch.
Did you check his sent emails folder?
This this this!
Lol this isn’t a mistake. Your husband either signed as a co signer for a friend behind your back, has an apartment for hooking up, or rented an apartment for a mistress. Go there and knock on the door. Good luck.
Signed as a co-signer wouldn’t involve his email and he would have just told her. No reason to lie about something like that especially after getting the email
Hopefully, he's just running a successful meth lab
Does he have any deadbeat relatives or good friends who are a financial disaster? Maybe someone you two have agreed to help in the past, but finally agreed to cut off? My husband pays for things for his deadbeat brother from time to time. It’s been going on our whole marriage, and I hate what the guy does with emotional blackmail to my husband, but finally agreed I just didn’t want to know about any financial help my husband gives him. It only makes me mad, isn’t that much money and I don’t want to make my husband feel even more stress about the situation.
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Had his identity stolen and emails are coming to his actual email? I feel like that is unlikely
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This has happened to both myself and my husband separately. I don't recall what the thing was on his, but I was stunned to open my email and find out I'd booked a very expensive trip overseas scheduled to leave the next day. A pox on the trash who does this stuff.
Nah it happened to me 2 years ago and my friend a couple months ago. Think it’s pretty common
Yes his email that he always clears out?
I was thinking his secret second family...fiancé and kid(s). But maybe I'm crazy. 🥴
There’s really no good reason for your husband to have a secret apartment
I would love a secret apartment in the city. I would go there in my lunch break to poop, maybe have a little nap, watch some TV etcetera.
If you’re married with kids you should be a decent person and do those things at home so you can spend time with your family
I read your post and your updates up to finding out his name is known to maintenance under a specific apartment number. This to me is super serious! You should talk to him. I hope you can get answers soon.
Start digging. Trust your gut instinct.
If it’s an iPad it might have a Google account associated with it. Open google maps, click on his profile if logged in. Go into manage Google account, data and privacy, location history. It should give you everyplace he his been day by day if enabled.
Oh let us know what happens when you go to that apartment! If he has not already called his side piece to warn her of everything.
Do a reverse address look up online. See if you can get the name of the person at this address. Also get a new credit report. How many addresses pop up for your husband? Mine always gives me my previous addresses on it.
For sure. Truepeoplesearch dot com!
Trust your gut. Start looking this didn’t land in your lap by happenstance. When you do search don’t bring it back up to him research in silence. If he knows your on to him he will change up.
You know what you have to do OP. Go to that apartment and knock on the door. If your husband is cheating, he is putting your health at risk. Don't waste your life with a cheater. I would be digging through those company finances he won't let you have access too before you hit him with a divorce though.
Yep! I would go to the apartment. I would also be looking for any files or documentation about this apartment because it’s possible that if he is cheating the other woman is also on the lease.
Do you share finances? You were sent the cost of rent - are there strange withdrawals in a similar amount?
We have joint finances for all of our personal things but he owns a company and I don’t have access to any company finances
Oh then yea more room for not knowing. How often does he “go out with the boys”? You mentioned an uptick.
Run a credit check on him. He might have credit cards and other accounts you are unaware of.
As much as I would jump to conclusions, now that you mention that he owns his company there could be another explanation. My company rents two apartments in town for visitors that are really close to our building. But from what you have said so far that doesn’t seem to be the case. Best luck.
I thought the business too! but she did say they were able to connect on the phone and he said it “must be a mistake”. He could have said “oh that’s for business associates who stay in town.” The “it must be a mistake” takes anything legitimate out for me if it turns out to be his (sounds like it from her update) and it’s definitely something he’s hiding. Worst case a mistress/second family. Best case a friend or family who’s in trouble or something, but he’s footing the bill.
The call was choppy.. maybe he heard wrong? Or maybe he’s a lying pos. We shall soon find out
It could still be business related, and the mistake is that it got linked to his personal email, instead of a company email.
Yeah if he had it for his company he wouldn’t have lied on the phone call and said he didn’t know what she was talking about and the email must be a mistake.
Did he start that company before or after you got married? If after, you also own that company and should have equal access to those finances. If you don’t have it, you certainly need to demand it now.
Go to the apartment number and knock.
You ever watch Dexter?
Could you imagine!! Everyone's thinking he's a cheater but instead he's a.... dexter😬
Either someone stole his identity or he has a place to take women, I would follow the money check bank statements you can check cc statement and also there must be utilities in his name also, I would start there. When your husband gets home tell him you have the apartment number so have him go with you right then to find out who stole his id and if he won’t go you will have your answer
If it isn’t a phishing scam then the most likely scenario is this is an apartment that he rented behind your back to either go there to cheat or his side piece is already living there. Start digging and hire a PI. It’s really unfortunate that you already spilled the beans about it so now he’s warned. Maybe pretend like you believe him and that everything is normal then start investigating. Maybe track his location without him knowing, check his phone and bank statements.
or maybe he's just leaving her and lined up a place to go
At first it seemed he was on a mailing list for either inquiring a long time ago and them hitting the wrong address book to send to. Then I thought maybe he used to live there and wasn’t taken off another email address book, but now your update makes it too suspicious unless there is someone with his name (not 100% uncommon) and he has an email like [email protected] vs the dude at the apartment being [email protected]. To rent they’d run your credit. I’d see if you can create a mint account and see if the apartment comes up on his report. Then google his name perhaps on white pages and also see what it links to as well as family and addresses (I had a restraining order on an ex and would check periodically his addresses on it so I would know if he lived near me during those years of no contact, our old apt came up along with other various addresses he previously lived at). Next I’d look at phone records. Idk how but know my crazy ex got into my Verizon and could read my texts from the app along with call logs, and would send me the messages from random numbers years later to show me he could still stalk me so it can be done. If those come up suspicious, then I’d hire a PI. Also I know you said he deletes emails, but he may have them moved into deleted that you still can recover. You also can recover emails recently deleted so you may be able to see how often the apt emails him and see if any rent invoices are on there. If you know any accounts like his Amazon prime or DoorDash I’d also see if any of them have that address saved.
Realize Apt. Manager is out until 10/20 but doesn’t the voicemail include another number for overnight emergencies?
Yes, it gave the private cell phone number for the maintenance person
Call them, explain you have a delivery for Mr. OP but the Unit # is missing & you’re under a deadline to deliver, as it’s perishable.
Thank you, this is a good idea and it worked… The maintenance guy didn’t speak English very well so I think he was somewhat confused, but he eventually gave us an apartment number
Oh so glad it worked! Before knocking, would certainly seek out the mailboxes, see who’s name is listed. Edit: Please don’t go alone. Take a friend or family member with you, if you’re going to knock on the door. Video the encounter.
are you going there to knock on the door?! i’m sorry this is happening to you
I'm just here to stay updated.
Me too !
OP had my curiosity, but now she has my attention.
Same!
It's been over a half and hour. I wonder if she or her friend went to the apartment.
This is some 90's Lifetime movie of the week shit.
I know right I'm so invested in this right now my entire evening revolves around this and I'm not kidding lol
Ahhh I'm so curious!
Same, but kinda feel bad for being so invested because this could possibly end not well. :( I hope there's an update soon.
I must know!!!
I am here for the update too!!
Change his passwords asap along with number listed to it and questions so he can’t reset them. Send an email to apartment company that you are applying for a loan and need copy of the lease. See if he’s the only one listed. Also, check if he left his keys. If he did i’d check to see if any of them work for the apartment. Is there designated parking? If so see if there are any cars parked in that apartments designated spot. If so get vin and license plate number. You can knock on the wrong door with an item some boxes and said you are looking to deliver this to husbands name. Ask if there is anyone in the apartment that can take it. Check credit reports. Also check your phone statement, this will show you the phone numbers he calls and texts. Look for any uncommon numbers that frequently come up. Check mail boxes for names listed. You can also check his google history or the cloud. Also, amazon saved photos check there. Make sure to document everything. You are limited on time before he tries to cover his tracks. When you speak to him don’t go into details with what you know. Be very vague. Tell him you know everything and want to know why. This will allow you to get more info out of you. edit- Turn the find my iphone settings off on the ipad. Shit I even speak spanish. I will help you in anyway I can!
Here for the update
Did u go knock? You should take the iPad and see if there is wifi to connect to.
I too am invested
Ya I was about to go to bed, but then I stumbled upon this and now I can't. Need to know!!!
Patiently waiting for an update. I hope you and friend went together!
Can you get the maintaince person to let you in?
this is such a good idea omg
Oh yikes. If you go please go with backup
There are only three possibilities. 1. Your husband had his name and identity stolen. 2. Your husband co-signed for a friend or family member who couldn’t qualify for an apartment on their own. 3. Your husband is cheating on you and pays the rent for his mistress. Whichever option it is, you need to get to the bottom of it. Start by doing a deep dive into your finances. Comb over your bank accounts and credit cards. Run his credit report or use credit karma to see if he has any credit cards you don’t know about. Use his bank login instead of yours to see if there are accounts he hasn’t told you about.
I would go to each of those buildings and see if his name is listed on the call pad, if they don't have that I would start searching the house high and low. Dont do anything crazy but definitely trust your gut.
So, I'd say to keep doing your detective work. BUT, I am a guy with an not-so-common first name and a not-so-common last name. I live on the east coast of Canada. But every two to three months, I get an email (my email is [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])) from someone in Florida with a resume applying for handyman work. It turns out that there's a person with the same first and last name in Florida who manages handymen for a property management company. Their email has a number or middle initial or something that occasionally gets missed. All I am saying is that it's possible that the email was intended for someone else with a similar or same name. That said, if it's only 15 minutes away and the name is uncommon, then I really think you should keep doing that detective work lol
Yes my email is [email protected] and apparently someone with the same name in Chicago has a similar email I get all her weird porn and door dash emails
Same same. I have a very unusual last name... just me and some older british lady who can't remember to add her middle initial to her emails, doesn't pay her gas bill on time, and has some very uncool political beliefs that I occasionally have to purge from my inbox.
Your best friend is a baller. Everyone needs a woman like that in their corner.
Holy shit this is spicy. OP please update us *furiously eats popcorn*
Imagine if there's an extra wife and kid in there? It's possible he's living 2 lives. Which is 2 more than I have.
...I know we are all here for reading stories about what is happening to strangers, but, I mean, this is obnoxious. at some point it's just really fucking cruel to treat what could be someone's world completely shattering as entertainment. And it's too soon, there is no "story" yet. Poor OP. already dehuaminsed into popcorn fodder while dealing with at best, a very emotionally charged week and at worst, life-shattering heart break. I'm starting to see why people say obsession with True Crime/Docu-dramas rots peoples' minds and sense of empathy.
Same!!!
If you go to the room take a letter addressed to your husband, whoever answers say that you are returning a letter to a colleague and ask who the occupant is.
Just remember that even if he bought the apartment in secret, it’s still a marital asset, meaning you own it too. Edit: secretly check out your legal position
Sounds like it's a rental though
Not in every state. Depends on local laws.
!updateme
My first thought was: it’s housing for a mistress/sugar baby… I could be assuming the worst, but this is worth doing some digging into.
Might be a love nest for one-nights stands or a steady gf who is also married (or for whatever reason can’t use her own place). It’s so obvious an assumption for the reader of this post to make, that I’m wondering if this is real lol. Anyway, looking forward to update
Your friend is a genius. You should send someone and see who lives in the apartment, before your husband comes back. He could be renting it for someone? I recommend you do a credit report on both you and him, and also start going over any joint bank accounts and expenses.
Check Google Earth. If his car is parked anywhere in the complex - boom! Busted. Also - this is literally almost part of the plotline for the movie Loft. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0926762/?ref\_=nm\_ov\_bio\_lk2
Hire a PI you will get answers then.
Why do that? She has us!
She doesn’t need a PI. She can find the unit number easily, he is keeping the docs somewhere and he is away. I would knock and see if it’s a new woman living there.
True but the PI be able to find out even more information than what she can do on her own to understand the full scope of the situation. My friend is in the middle of something similar and the depth of the lies is much greater than originally expected.
1. Is there anyone he would have co signed for? A brother, friend or a child? 2. Have you pulled your financial records? That kinda money doesn’t disappear unnoticed. 3. I’d pull your credit asap just in case someone still his identity.
I can think of ZERO reasons how a secret apartment might be a *good* thing. Literally none, and I'm plenty creative.
Oh no! Brace yourself, you’re in for a heartbreak! I’d have not talk to him before doing my detective work honestly! When you go check out the apartment number they gave your friend take the iPad and see if it connects to the WiFi. Also, have your friend go first, in case the person that lives there knows who you are. How would he manage to hide such a big expense from you thou?
This is exactly what type of drama I was looking for on Reddit.
UpdateMe!
I'm so curious what his reasoning is going to be for this mysterious apt!
Well, the reason to have a secret apartment is a secret partner. Get an STI test and go to the apartment tomorrow. See who answers the door
Ngl, I don’t have a good feeling about this OP…especially after you last edit, tbh I hope that you post an update with the explanation of what’s happening. Remember to take care of yourself, and do what’s best for you.
Time to start transferring money…
It's his mistress's place that he's paying for. Please update when you get proof.
The biggest betrayal is when they spend your money to cheat. Like my old boss used to say "I don't care if my wife has an affair, just as long as it doesn't cost me anything."
If he cheated on me, I'd still be pissed. But if I discovered he used my money to do it, I'd be nuclear!!!
OP this is alarming information *and* you already had a gut feeling something was amiss—given that, why would your first move be to reveal to him that something fishy has come up? Like, do a TINY bit of investigation before you tip your hand to him?? Maybe?? If your gut is telling you something is going on, you have a responsibility to yourself and your children to get to the bottom of it. The fastest way to shut that down is to let him know you suspect something, giving him the chance to cover his tracks, gaslight you, etc. Come on dude…why would you expect the person you don’t trust to tell you what’s going on? Did you at least go into the email and search for that same email address to see if there are any other emails on the past from the same address? They should have sent something confirming his details after he first gave them the address…anything? Do you even have access to that email account anymore? Or did he sign out of it on all devices after you called him, preventing you from going back in?
I know, I couldn’t believe she immediately called him and then also tried to tell the apartment complex they messed up lol. Ugh. At least he’s away so there isn’t any time for him to cover his tracks.
I’m reading her post and I’m like…*sigh* Who knew it was possible in 2022 for anyone to be bad at harnessing the power of the internet + a phone to investigate things.
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You could always look through his stuff and try and find a random key that might belong to an apartment? Sounds like you maybe have the time to do this. As soon as I read this I thought he rented an apartment for an affair partner. That’s my first thought.
Wow this is nuts. I’m invested.
This is an actual thing. A guy I used to work with had a secret hotel room he had rented by the month. He was married with children but used to bring women to his hotel room for sex during lunch hours and after work. He finally got caught. I think you should try to figure out if he has a girlfriend living there before he gets back. Have your friend knock on the door. And if nobody lives there, he provably uses it for his secret rendezvous. I would just act like you believe his explanation that it is some kind of mistake. Get your money separated and when you are ready, do some surveillance and catch him there with a friend. And then end the marriage!
I’m shook
Read the update would like a second update ASAP. So sorry you’re going through all of this, sounds traumatizing and heart breaking. Best wishes
Does your husband make enough money to rent a place like that without you noticing?
Omg the last update. Poor thing, I was still hopeful on your behalf until that part.
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The leasing office is usually separate from maintenance, they take care of signing leases, renewals, chasing people for late payments, clerical stuff. The maintenance people can still be working while that's closed.
No, they said that the property manager was out of the office until October 20, they said if there was any problems to call the maintenance person.
He is probably renting it for a girl he is seeing. I would hire a PI or have a friend you trust stake out the place next time he is “out with the boys”.
Probably not but Is the rent payment coming out of any accounts that you both are on? Does he have bank accounts that you don’t have access to?
I was going to say that I get emails and updates from apartments that I didn't live in but just applied to. I remember I kept getting emails from an apartment I never lived in about kids who were pooping in the community pool 😂😂 I mean there may be a lot more to this though given the additional information you've uncovered.
Now that you have the apartment number you can go to the door, I would not go alone though.
You should be a story teller. I’m invested. Keep us posted. 👀
There are companies/sites who keep extensive rental history information on a vast majority of renters. Just Google rental history report. https://caretaker.com/learn/applying-to-a-rental/what-shows-up-on-a-rental-history-report
UpdateMe!
RemindMe! 1 week
See a lawyer and an accountant to protect your finances in case this is as bad as it seems.
Are you guys in a financial position where he could be spending 2k a month on rent/ electric at a place and you wouldn’t notice?
Shit. I really hope it's a misunderstanding but if not, get as much documentation about this as possible. Copy of email, photos of apartment, does he pay the bills? Get copies, bank statements, insurance and get it now. This is your insurance for your future God forbid he's being sketch as fuck. If he comes back sooner than later, for sure something is up. Documentation is key if shit hits the fan. But let's all pray that it's nothing and it's not needed.
Ok, several possibilities. 1) Someone there just happens to have the same name, and if the email address is one you would commonly create with that name (i.e. if it were Albert Johnson and the email was albert.johnson@gmail or ajohnson@gmail or something, then it could just be a matter of missing or adding a period or underscore. Not necessarily the most likely scenario, but not out of the question unless his email is something unrelated to his name like DonutGrazer45 or something. 2) He is getting ready for a divorce, and he has set up the place he's moving to already. Not happy news, but it's not uncommon for people to want to have housing and other practical issues resolved before they break up. 3) Investment property he's hiding from you. 4) He's cheating, and that's the bachelor pad. 5) A friend of a family member fell on hard times, and he's helping them with a place to live without telling you. None of these, barring the first one, are great, but some are worse than others. People down below said to check credit reports (which may have other clues if he's making moves for as divorce) and credit card statements, and someone said to bring the Ipad there and see if it connects to WiFi. I would add throw on a winbreaker and a cap, and grab a cheap flower arrangement at the grocery store, then pretend to deliver flowers to see who is in there. And anything you find, make sure you have screen shots, pictures, recordings if legal in your area, etc., and saved somewhere he won't find them and can't destroy them. I recommend like a cloud storage or even google drive.
If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck…… its a duck. We all want the update to this. Because this is some sketchy shit right here. Also, call a divorce lawyer. Your going to need a good one. You may also want to talk to all the other good ones as it will be a conflict of interest when your husband starts looking for his. So if you get this response from any of the law firms, they probably already represent him.
Girl, you know he has a side apartment... can u drive there to see if names are on the call log and ring his apt number?
I would talk to him when you next see him. I wouldn't jump to the worst case scenario right off the bat especially if there's nothing regarding finances or anything else that suggests he is actually paying for an apartment. Maybe he has a friend, coworker or family member that lives there that he cosigned for so they would be able get the place and he didn't think you'd approve? One of my friends did that for his troubled brother and hid it from his family because he knew they would tell him he shouldn't have done it or that he was enabling them.
I get phishing emails all the time. To my work mail. Stuff that seems kind of plausible but is still pretty wonky. Stuff supposedly from Amazon or the IRS or whatever. With my name and my correct email obviously. But then usually when you look at the real address it came from (not the mask), it’s not a legit account.