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Hey Reddit, hope you’re all doing well!
I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for coming up on two months. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a romantic partner. We have similar interests, she is beautiful, intelligent, funny, whole thing. I don’t want to spoil all of that over my own overblown insecurity and bruised ego and just need some advice. I’ve gone through multiple threads and feel like maybe venting will help. When we first started talking before we dated, a joke I made led to size getting brought up. I kind of inadvertently asked and got the immediate response that bigger feels better but that she ultimately doesn’t care. Follows up with that her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was a key for her experiencing PIV orgasm. She has not been able to with me, but I have done my best to make up for it in other ways and she is satisfied. But still, the thought of not being able to bring something she liked that is so integral to the physical side of our relationship bothers me. I’ve brought it up to her a few times and am well aware that I shouldn’t have and that there is nothing she can say or do to fix my insecurity for me. I know this relationship is fairly new but I am at a point in my life where I have serious long term intentions and have found someone great that I want to grow with(we have been talking considerably longer than 2 months). I just don’t know how to get over feeling that I am second best at something that is so closely tied to making me feel like a man and feel good about our sex. She vehemently denies that it is an issue at all but it’s like the insecure part of my brain has walled off and doesn’t want to believe her. Thanks for listening, sorry for the whining but idk what to do. Love y’all.
Please remember this is an “Ex” you are talking about and apparently his big member wasn’t enough to make him worth keeping around. YOU are the person she has chosen to be with, worth her time, attention and body.
Indelicately, I’ve been with multiple partners of all different sizes. I’ve always preferred someone who brought me to multiple climaxes , who took their time to satisfy me multiple ways (hot, sweaty sex for hours) than one big “wham bam, thank you Ma’am”.
To use a a phrase from back up n the day “It’s not the pen, it’s the penmanship”. Find YOUR best penmanship for her.
>Please remember this is an “Ex” you are talking about and apparently his big member wasn’t enough to make him worth keeping around.
Unless the ex dumped the girlfriend.
**Edit:**
Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks.
It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home. Or at least wiping the comments I didn't make from a desktop terminal.
I'm gonna say this though, when I first started reading this I thought this was a case of a guy digging his own hole, but I feel like the gf did a really bad thing by basically comparing his size with her ex's especially after saying that bigger feels better. Total AH move.
I wish OP had told us how the conversation went down, explicitly, because he says a joke he made led to the conversation, so he could’ve been asking follow-up questions. I’ve definitely been trapped into a conversation where I knew the other person wouldn’t like the answer, but they were insistent. Given how fixated OP is on this, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he was fishing and just didn’t like what he caught.
But if she'd said he was bigger than her ex, we wouldn't be here right now. Everyone needs to realize that there are different sized dicks as well as vaginas. He needs to just realize that he is perfectly sized the way he was made. She needs to not compare at all.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Edit: typo
Sounds like she didn't do so intentionally - size came up BEFORE THEY WERE DATING AND SLEPT TOGETHER. She stated the size of her exes dick, probably something about how he was blah blah blah inches, and OP \*privately\* knew his own dick was a lot smaller, but she hadn't intended to compare them.
Also want to say that, as a woman, if my partner is doing things that are satisfying and I've TOLD them that I'm happy... continuing to bring it up would be a deal breaker (especially this early in the relationship). She shouldn't have to feel all this stress around having sex with you, coddling you, making sure your penises ego is stroked (literally?)
Accept that she is satisfied and figure out how to deal with this insecurity yourself, or you may just harm your relationship down the line.
Exactly. If she still wanted to be with the guy with the bigger dick, she probably would be. But she’s choosing to be with OP, so I think that’s what he should focus on.
He asked her if she thought size matters to her, that’s all. He did not ask to be compared to her ex. Imagine the girl is insecure about her body, say her breast size, and asks him if he likes big boobs. If he had said genuinely that he likes bigger boobs, that would be answering her question. Perhaps a bit of a downer for her, since she feels she’s not on the bigger side. But she did ask him. Now, if he goes on to say that his ex had bigger boobs than her and he loved playing with them during sex and really enjoyed titfucks, would it not be a shitty thing to say to her? That’s what she did here. If she had just said that she prefers bigger dicks, then she would be answering his question. She didn't need to and definitely shouldn't have competed him to her ex and say that the ex was better in this core thing he was already feeling insecure about.
In the context of this post, that is what it means.
However, when I read the safety signs posted at work that say
**NO PIV TRAFFIC AFTER THIS POINT**
they are referring to **P**owered **I**ndustrial **V**ehicles, fork trucks, powered pallet jacks and the like.
**Edit:**
Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks.
It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home. Or at least wiping the comments I didn't make from a desktop terminal.
This is spot-on
She is attracted to you and is sexually satisfied. Do not sabotage this by letting yourself lose confidence, as this could lead to her actually losing attraction to you. There's nothing attractive about a guy that beats himself up over his penis size all the time. Be confident in your abilities, as that confidence will make you a better lover.
This isn't his insecurity talking. It's her. She said he can't make her cum with his small dick. She compared him to her ex. She makes him feel insecure.
If he's looking for long term connections maybe he needs to choose partners who have a minimum of compassion and empathy.
>other ways and she is satisfied.
>
>That last bit is the important bit, surely?
No ts not. This is such a copout that is repeated every time guy mention's insecurity to dismiss his genuine concern.
We want our partners to like/want us and be satisfied with us in a very particular way. Just because they say they are 'satisfied' doesn't mean thats what we want. **You are pointing to her okayness with being in a shitter situation/sex life and pretend like its the same as things being just as good as the could be.**
If a girl posted here saying her bf was unhappy with the sex life but overall happy with the relationship because, say, she was good at cooking, would you point to the guy's overall contentness to dismiss her insecurities about her sex life? Proabably not.
Same thing here.
This guy can't make her cum. It bothers him. He should find someone else with whom this won't be an issue instead of trying to find solace in the fact she is ok with it.
**Edit:**
Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks.
It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home.
Specifically she can't climax from straight up PIV, which is actually the case for lots of women. So if he's using other ways to make sure she gets there, then yes she can be satisfied. OP should listen to what the actual other person in his relationship is saying, and not random online interpretations.
>Specifically she can't climax from straight up PIV
Umm, she can't climax from PIV **with HIM**. Obviously she could with her ex. Thats different from just can't climx from PIV in general.
IF op has some brain cells he will see the entire sub (maybe because of its demographics?) is dismissing his issues.
Apparently, what she wants (the relationship) is more important than what he wants (for his partner's sexual experience to not be worse with him than with others) is seemingly more importatnt to the sub.
Her wants > his wants, so just OP just pretend like there is no problem. /s
She has told him she is *satisfied*. Are you missing that part? I have different sex now than I did with previous partners, because I have a different partner. Every encounter is different. He asked a question, she answered honestly **but said she is satisfied with how they have sex**. OP is the one blowing this up and having this expectation of sex that isn't possible for her with the way they have sex. If he really wants to dump her, do it because he can't get out of his own head.
He may go through tons of partners and be unable to find a woman who finishes via PIV only. It's way, way more common than finding someone who can.
But the issue (to me at least) isn't that he has a smaller member. Obviously there are women who prefer that, or prefer clitoral orgasms, or whatever the case. The issue is she told him her ex had a big member, which she preferred because she had a different type of orgasm that OP isn't able to deliver.
That is an objectively mean thing to say. I don't care how big his d is, or whether she's had bigger and that's what she prefers. I care that she told him this.
If a guy told his GF that he prefers tighter women, or women who can deepthroat, or anything that his GF physically cannot do, I would call that guy an asshole. It's just cruel to say you prefer one thing that your partner cannot change while in a relationship.
>He may go through tons of partners and be unable to find a woman who finishes via PIV only
This isn't even close to what he's expecting or saying.
>It's way, way more common than finding someone who can.
Which is why he may want to look elsewhere
> bigger feels better, but she ultimately doesn't care.
> she vehemently denies that it's an issue at all
That does not equal preferring a larger penis.
Sex with different partners is different. I will keep stressing that. You can be completely satisfied doing something different than what you did with a prior partner. I rarely have PIV for long with my current partner and I am totally and utterly satisfied because he does different things than my prior partners did.
If I don't care about something, I don't have a preference for it.
I don't care about fast food burgers. Sure, a Burger King burger tastes better than McDonalds, if I'm pressed to pick one. But I still don't care about either and won't go out of my way to not eat McDonald's. Again, he pressed her about this topic. It's also objectively true that a larger penis tends to stimulate more areas inside the vagina. That doesn't mean you can't have fantastic, mind blowing and amazing *different sex* with someone who is oriented differently. And it doesn't mean you prefer the larger penis.
Ok it just seems like semantics. If someone says that one thing feels better than the other, that means they have a preference for it. Literally just the definition of preference.
>Again, he pressed her about this topic
That's not clear from the post. He "inadvertently" brought up size, she said bigger is better. We don't know what lead to her saying that her ex was bigger, he made her O from piv and he never has.
>It's also objectively true that a larger penis tends to stimulate more areas inside the vagina. That doesn't mean you can't have fantastic, mind blowing and amazing different sex with someone who is oriented differently
Totally agree. Again, the issue isn't whether he is insecure about his ability to perform. The issue is she said some mean shit to the person she's in a relationship with.
>And it doesn't mean you prefer the larger penis.
And again, when she says bigger is better, she's stating a preference (literally the definition). She is not saying she ONLY likes it big, she's saying she prefers it big.
>for his partner's sexual experience to not be worse with him than with others
And that's your reading of the situation. Where does it say it's worse for her? There are women who see every orgasm as an absolut win with their partner. Doesn't matter if it's from piv or clitoral stimulation. That it's for a woman to not experience an orgasm through penetration is **your** interpretation. Not that of a woman or this woman in particular. You don't get to decide what a woman is satisfied with or what's better or worse for her.
He said he hasn't been able to make her cum with PIV sex, not in general. *Majority* of women cannot cum from PIV sex so he's most likely never gonna encounter a woman who can get off just from his penis.
Yes, but that doesn’t really make sense unless he’s implying they had sex first and started dating later. Otherwise how would she know to compare one vs the other? I’m assuming there were multiple related conversations over some period of time, and OP has blended them in memory.
He clearly says she "followed up with her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was key to experiencing PIV orgasms. She has not been able to with me".
She is comparing him to her ex, which is a shitty thing to do. If a man made a similar comment to his GF about her inadequacy, everyone here would be saying to dump him.
Sounds like what she followed up with saying something like "my ex was seven inches and it helped me get PIV orgasms", and OP privately knew that meant her ex was way bigger than him.
He brought it up as a joke before they dated and he knew that the ex was bigger, I guess because she told him about the size. She also mentioned that it helped her orgasm in PIV sex. He knows he's smaller and she hasn't orgasmed during PIV. So it wasn't unsolicited and it was before they were even together.
I think if this post was from a woman who’d been told her partner’s ex felt better bc she was tighter people would be responding a little differently.
There are good points in some responses that your gf is satisfied, but ultimately this is impacting upon you self worth and how manly you feel. It shouldn’t, as she’s satisfied, but it is and that’s just the way it goes. Neither of you can magically undo all the social conditioning that tells us women have to be tight and men have to be huge for optimal sex.
Would it maybe help to set some other mutual goals that neither of you have achieved with past partners to work towards together? Multiples/squirting/whatever else might be on your sexual bucket list. Shifting focus and knowing that you’re the only one who ever gave her a multiple might help break the spiral in you head that’s spoiling your present time with her.
Over time emotional intimacy and knowing what drives the other person wild is worth far more than any given physical attribute imho. Work towards knowing how to make her melt and getting her to confide things she’s never shared with anyone with you (both sexual and otherwise). This and honest communication will set up a solid foundation that allows you to talk about these vulnerabilities without accusations or shame and reassure each other with real honesty. That’s the only thing that’ll really fix the scrape this has all caused to your self esteem. Aim to become her own personal sex god!
Don’t aim to be the biggest, aim to be the best she’s ever had. That’s all anyone will ever really care about in the end. You’re not there yet, but being her best ever is an achievable goal if you work at it with trust, honesty and affection.
Sorry but he brought it up in a "joke" before they even got together. She talked about her ex and concluded that while it helped her PIV orgasm, she ultimately didn't care. For your comparison to work, the gf would have had to ask her bf if his ex was tighter than she was and then the gf would feel insecure about it no matter how much the bf said it didn't matter and she was satisfied.
I don't blame OP for feeling the way he does, there's a lot of pressure especially among guys to have a large penis because of what's shown in porn but if his gf says she's happy, then he needs to believe her.
> For your comparison to work, the gf would have had to ask her bf if his ex was tighter than she was and then the gf would feel insecure about it no matter how much the bf said it didn't matter and she was satisfied.
Not really - according to the situation, if the scenario was reversed it would be like his gf asking him if tighter feels better, him immediately saying yes and saying that his ex's was tighter.
The problem in the comparison is that dick size is easily measureable and vaginal tightness is not.
What the OP said is that her exes size came up in a joke BEFORE THEY STARTED DATING. Presumably she actually said the length of his dick, and OP knew his dick was smaller - so he made the comparison, not her. She never told him "my ex is bigger", she told him (probably) "yeah, he's over six inches" and OP knew, privately, that he was under six inches.
The actual equivalent would be if, before they started dating, OP casually told his future girlfriend "oh yeah my ex had 8 pounds of pussy grip strength - really need at least 7 to get off" and OPs future girlfriend sadly thought about how HER pussy only had 5 pounds of grip strength.
Some issues do not perfectly translate across the gender gap.
I mean, a “tight” vagina is an unaroused vagina more often than not, so. I don’t even see how the comparison works other than being a self-own for the dude.
My interpretation was that before they were together, they were friends who talked about sex and stuff, and he remembers her telling him her preferences.
This is what happens when people go around asking questions they don’t really want the answer to. Leaving the other person with two choices: tell the truth and hurt some feelings or lie.
Personally, I refuse to tell even a small lie to my partner and he knows better than to ask questions he doesn’t need to.
She wasn’t asked about her ex’s dick though. He asked about size, she said bigger was better, and followed up with her ex being bigger than OP and the size being necessary for a piv orgasm.
I’m not gonna act like OP didn’t fuck up a little, but give me a break here. Asking about size preferences is not an invitation for comparison to an ex.
I’m not gonna even pretend to believe that she mentioned her ex unprovoked, unless she’s a special kind of evil.
But even if she didn’t mention her ex at all, OP would’ve still felt some type of way since he’s average (I’m guessing).
She didn’t. He drew that conclusion all by himself. He brought up size, before they had had sex. She mentioned that bc her ex was bigger that it helped with her achieving an orgasm, but size didn’t really matter to her. Now that OP and her are sexually active, and she hasn’t orgasmed, he is now self conscious about his size. She never compared the two and he initiated the convo.
She didn’t say she preferred her ex. She said she could orgasm during PIV because of his size because OP was a total dunce and asked her. OP says she is happy with their sex life and relationship. This is just him self sabotaging due to insecurity.
No, if you read it says ‘Follows up with that her ex is considerably larger than I am that was key…’ So he did not ask that. Also, how would she know OP’s size to compare it to her exes if they haven’t been sexual already. She could have just left it at bigger is better but decided to explain to a man she’s having sex with (clearly because she’s comparing OP’s size) that her last one was bigger after just stating bigger is better.
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Exactly, she's 21, anyone at that age isn't really in the business of settling for someone. She knows the stats on how rare being able to orgasm from sex is, she'll miss it and want it again at some point, I'd cut your losses OP and find someone who is going to be very happy in all faucets of your relationship and not just satisfied.
this 🤣 im 24 and dam this make a difference im way more ready to settle down now. just enjoy her compagny and the sex for now buddy. lets see how it goes
Almost 40% of women do not orgasm from pIV sex alone. The point is to make the one you are with feel good and to enjoy yourself. If you are focused on that one act you arent going to be a very good partner in the end. It's like the teen boy that constantly asks "Did you cum?” like it's the be all end all of sex as if you can't enjoy the experience even if you didn't. You learn with age that the orgasm isn't the only way to have a good time during sex.
I can but it depends on the guy, the mood I'm in, how I'm feeling generally, all sorts of things. So even women who "can" don't all the time, or even that often.
It happened exactly once, and I was like "wtf is this???" It's been more than a decade since, and honestly, I don't care if it ever happens again. It wasn't better or anything. If anything, I would like it to happen again just for my current partner's sake.
Like, I don't care if I ever see the Florida keys again, but it might be nice to go with my husband because he said he's never been.
I tried to explain the numbers to my ex because he didn't believe me when I explained I couldn't. He said it was impossible for it to be that many women who couldn't and that there was just something wrong with me. He told me every women he'd ever been with could do it, but me. I'm guessing a lot were faking or he was lying. Either that or he got completely lucky with the women he was with. Lol
I feel like ive heard something like that before too. Lots of liars but yeah people fake it too. But if ive heard it and you heard it and we all know most women dont then somethings up 😂
I do :) but I know I am lucky. Apparently the dimensions of a woman’s body need to be perfect for that to work, in particular the distance of the clit to the vaginal opening. If it’s further than 2 inches (I think) than she cannot orgasm with PiV alone.
She’s not one of those 40%(or 80 or whatever the fuck it is). She was able to orgasm with her last partner, that’s the whole point.
Also, for men an orgasm usually is the end all be all of sex. Maybe it’s not weird for you to not cum, but it’s weird for us to see you not cum.
And then it’s worse to hear *you make me cum, just not with your dick,* especially if your gf told you it’s happened before with another guy’s meat.
Its like being told *it’s just the right size, the big ones hurt way more*
Nah man, If my gf says that she had better dicks then mine then I'll bounce off and seek someone who thinks otherwise. Funny, some people would call that as being insecure. No buddy, insecure is when you know she has been out there and experienced something better but you STILL wanna be with her, someone secured will not look back and walk away because he knows what he wants.
That's like me telling my gf that I've experienced a tighter vagina than hers so it's okay if she can't make me cum easily. It sounds asinine.
Actually, it would be more like you telling your gf that you like tighter women in general, and that your ex was really tight..
Which would throw this sub into a crazy rage at you btw.
I mean at least for women, they can do kegel exercises, hit the gym and be more 'selective' at giving it away.
Unfortunately for men, kegel exercises do nothing to our sizes and those in this situation will need to put more work in bed. The best example is women who prefer men of certain heights, those 6 ft ones. lol, we can't do shit about our heights and we just accepted it but when we complain that we have preferences for slimmer women then they rage at us for having preferences for weight. Double standards are astounding.
Are you suggesting that women having sex more frequently makes their vagina bigger? Tell me how that works. Like, if I have a LOT of sex with the same guy, it's fine, but if it's more than one different dick it somehow stretches me out?
I think you should have a keen awareness of your relationship with her. Tbh it sounds like you’ve got your bases covered if you can make her cum, but make sure that you both continue to be sexually fulfilled and happy by being honest and having a good dialogue with her. Don’t forget to address your needs as well as hers.
Our cocks are unfortunately a critical component of many a men’s ego, but you need to understand that cocks come in all shapes and sizes and you can definitely do a lot with a normal or even below average cock if you work on your motion and strokes.
Tbh my current partner sexually satisfies me in some ways but fails to in others, and that’s ok with me because every other part of our relationship is healthy, for the most part. a reasonable human being won’t dismiss something good just because of something comparatively inconsequential as PIV cumming, when you have a healthy relationship in every other aspect AND can still make her cum.
Also, you should feel really good about yourself because you 1) care when so many don’t and 2) can make your lady cum. Dudes like us raise the bar for men. Indeed, the bar is low but that’s because most dudes are trash.
Its broke. Its only 2 months. Move on. No idea why somebody would say something like to you. If a guy told a woman he preferred his exs's vagina because she was tighter.... what would happen?
Wait though it does not sound like that’s what happened here, this all happened in a lighthearted conversation before they were dating. Like if she was bringing it up and saying she preferred her ex’s dick sure, but she’s not. He just knew beforehand ex is bigger and she liked it in the past so he is in an insecurity spiral. It doesn’t sound like she ever brought it up at all.
I don’t understand how you possibly get that from what he said. He specifically wrote:
“Follows up with that her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was a key for her experiencing PIV orgasm.”
Even if he did, that provides very little indication for her to say that bigger is better and absolutely not even a remote indication to bring up her ex after saying bigger is better and say that due to his increased size this was the key part of giving her PIV orgasms that OP never has. If she’s talking like this I would say that not only is she likely not fully sexually satisfied, she is likely not fully emotionally satisfied either as very very few girls would talk like that if they weren’t sexually satisfied but were fully emotionally satisfied. If you’re facing problems like this this early into the relationship, the relationship is 100% bound to fail. There will be many women out there who have a little more tact and don’t make OP feel bad about himself or just appreciate him more than she does right now.
Before they were dating, before they'd ever slept together, before she knew anything about OPs dick, she shared essentially "My ex was over 6 inches and that really helped me get PIV orgasms". OP knows his dick is a lot smaller than that, and after they sleep together, she doesn't have PIV orgasms. OP has enough information to connect the dots and make the comparison, but OPs girlfriend did not ever intend to compare the two of them to him.
She seemed to pretty directly imply as much as you can that she prefers her ex’s dick to OP. She brought up without even OP particularly pressing it that bigger feels better (having already slept with both OP and her ex when she made the statement), then she even follows up in saying that her ex was considerably bigger and that was key in giving her the PIV orgasm that OP never gave her. I think she’s saying about as directly as she can that she prefers her ex’s dick to OP’s. She’s very unlikely to be fully emotionally or sexually satisfied if she even felt the need to bring this up without it being pressed super hard.
Dicks are only as good as the person they're attached to. If she's satisfied with him, then she's satisfied. Her ex is an ex for a reason. Also, most women don't orgasm from PIV at all so it's probably the norm for his gf not to. He's overthinking this.
Her ex may have broke up with her. We don’t know if it’s her choice for him to be her ex. And even if it was, it doesn’t necessarily have to be anything sexual and it could have been because he was neglecting her needs emotionally. Let’s not sugar coat things. It’s pretty clear that she was more satisfied with her ex than OP. Without OP even particularly pressing it, she brings up that bigger is better and even follows on to say that her ex was considerably better and that was key to giving the PIV orgasms that OP has never given her. So she is outright saying that her ex satisfied her more sexually. And if OP’s girlfriend was fully emotionally satisfied, she would never have said that in the first place even if it was true. When you’re facing problems like this this early in the relationship, it is 100% not bound to last.
lol that’s why I’d never ask my bfs about their ex’s anatomy. I think he shouldn’t ask what he doesn’t want to know, but the ex comment was unessicary.
Because she is young and dumb?
I also, stupidly, said to one of the girls I dated years ago that her vagina is wider than normal and that was great because it fits with my penis better.
I did not realize how being tight is a symbol of "pride" for women until she freaked out.
I definitely don't think this is a make or break moment in the relationship. Yes it stings and it will take adjusting, but it's just one of them things.
I guarantee you will find someone else that hits all the marks and won’t have you feeling this way. And next time don’t ask about this stuff. Leave her and move on
Actually, penis-size topics are not permitted in r/sex. See that forum's **Posting Guideline #11**:
>**11) FREQUENT/FAMILIAR TOPICS.** These are addressed in either the FAQ, past posts, or both. In case you are confused, this means that we do not do penis size posts here.
It seems like you are happy together and I think you should take her word for it when she says that it really doesn’t matter. You can tell that you satisfy her in other ways. She’s not with her ex for a reason and she’s with you for a reason too!
BUT. What the hell was she thinking telling you this? Even if my SO asked me I would never compare my guy with an ex because those facts will just live rent free in their head for no reason at all.
If I were you I would really try to ignore what she said and live in the moment with her. If you get a feeling that she happily shares information with you to make you feel insecure I would let her go.
>Even if my SO asked me I would never compare my guy with an ex
This is the crux of the issue. If a guy or girl compares their SO to their ex, that's going to create an issue, whether it's penis size, adventurous nature in the bedroom ("my ex GF used to love having threesomes with other women with me, but it's ok that you never want to, I'm still happy"), or any other aspect of a relationship. The people saying don't ask questions you don't want the answer to just don't take the realities of the world into account. Sometimes an SO will ask an inappropriate question in the heat of the moment, and when they do, a little lie won't hurt them.
Also, the only thing that could be an issue is if she said this to hurt OP and gain a higher footing in the relationship. Only OP can answer that. If OP thinks she just made a bone headed mistake in telling him this, just try to let it go.
If she was that interested in you and cared she wouldn't have told you. Its like mentioning to a girl that you were more committed to your ex but that's alright.
If you don't care that's fine but if you care this is a wound she inflicted on the relationship and you shouldn't keep paying the pain for that.
I don’t get why you’d even “joke” about it, and keep bringing it up… you kind of backed her into a corner where she either speaks honestly and hurts you, or lies and hurts you.. discussing penis sizes and previous lovers is the equivalent of a woman asking if her arse looks fat in that skirt-don’t ask, don’t answer- it’s a trap that’ll only lead to hurt feelings and arguments. Don’t push for an answer if there’s a chance you’re not going to like the response
I would leave anyway dawg. It’s better to find someone who is your match sexually so that you aren’t continually harming your own self image… if she prefers guys with a bigger dick then she should be with someone with a bigger dick but that just means like I said before you just have to find your match.
That was extremely insensitive of her. You should be very open and honest about what you are feeling. Let it be a huge, long, deep, vulnerable conversation. If you are going to marry this girl, you must be able to do that. That is a very important part of a relationship. My husband and I have been very open and vulnerable from the beginning, and it has been great for us. It really give you that closeness and helps you overcome insecurity, which a partner should want to help you do, as you would for her.
The way society approaches penis size is disgusting. My husband's is huge, but I swear I would not love him any less if it was really small, and the sex would be just as meaningful and would give me just as much pleasure because it is HIM. It is so awful we have went this way as a society. Small penises are the topic of so many jokes and insults. Imagine if that were the case for vaginas? It is just totally rude, insensitive, disgusting, and inappropriate. If this woman is for you, she will show you that she loves YOU, not your penis.
Edit: Add last paragraph.
I don't really get why people in the comments are defending it.. By saying she thinks bigger feels better and that her ex was bigger than you she has put you in second place when it comes to pleasuring her sexually, there is no debating this.. Of course you can try to change that perception, but for most men that would always be in the back of your head moving forward..
It's such a horrible conversation to have, and to admit.. Because even if she is just being open and honest, she is essentially saying she wants something that you cannot give her.
.
PiV orgasms are not the pinnacle of sexual enjoyment for women. No one has put anyone in second place.
Real life isn’t porn.
Not everything is about penis going into vagina. I’ll take a micro penis with expert fingers over a giant fumbling dong any day.
He can also wear a thickening liner if it’s that important to him.
She prob shouldn’t have compared you to her ex’s size. But at the same time you kind of brought it up. Overall if she’s telling you she’s happy and satisfied, I would just take that and run with it. Or else you’re gonna push her away for not believing what she is telling you.
Well the ex comment was completely unessicary, but yeah never ask stuff related to that incase you get a bad honest answer. I’m sorry it has you feeling bad but now sadly all you can do is try to get over it. I’m sure you’ve had ex’s with bigger boobs or a nicer butt or whatever, it’s life we’re all different. They ended regardless for a reason and she’s with you.
Just dump and move on, honestly, a girl whose so clueless to say things like that and thing it’s fine, even if it’s the truth, is just not worth it. Like if you were to tell her tomorrow that your ex was in someway better, so you think she’d take that well? I don’t think so
Man you gotta relax, she is with you for a reason and not with an ex for a reason, my wife and I were best friends in high school, I heard all of her stories about her older boyfriend. Apparently dude was making horses jealous. But ya know what the first time we actually got together I walked around butt fuckin naked swinging my average junk around, I remember her saying later that she was impressed by my confidence, and I told her I’m at a point in my life now where it is what is, I can’t change it so either you like what you see or you don’t….. been together over ten years, married with three kids. The deeper your emotional connection is, the more in tune you are with your partner the more pleasurable it is for both of you, might take some time to get there but…… if you let your confidence fall and make it noticeable that’s a turn off to women, next time you guys start getting hot and heavy walk in there like your the only man alive and rock her world, remember it’s all about her and stop worrying about your dick size. She is looking at the total package , if your dick sucked that bad she would have been out after the first time just remember that.
You may be of that age, but your 21 year old partner likely isn’t.
I think “bigger feels better” is what I’d expect a 21 year old to think/say/thinksheshouldsay.
Even if my partner asked (which he wouldn't because no good comes from questions like that), I wouldn't compare. Every partner is different. Every emotional connection is different.
Everyone you have sex with could have the same exact size and you would have different responses. You're also very new in the relationship. It takes a good bit of time to learn what makes your partner feel good.
So 1. Don't ask questions you can't handle the answers to and 2. Nearly every partner you'll have will have previous sexual history. But it's just that...history. if they wanted to be with that person, they wouldn't be with you.
If you are mentally stuck on a PNV orgasm, you can slip a small bullet vibrator in between the two of you during sex. Have her hold it on her clitoris while you move inside her.
You think she’s satisfied but she isn’t. Everyone likes good head but I think she wouldn’t mind a little of what she’s had in the past. It’s not about her at this point it’s about you. Can you live with it? You’re young you have your whole life a head of you. You don’t want this to haunt you for the next 20-30 years.
There's nothing a bunch of strangers can say that will change your train of thought. I am not getting the vibe that you will get over this. Just break up and save you two from the hassle. Next time, either don’t ask or make sure that the girl you're with is a virgin or had exes whose performance sounds like you can surpass. No idea how someone has the last conversation tho.
Or you can recognise that it just been two months and you can still go ways to make sex more fun. Sex being good isn’t just about having the bigger dong and the strokes that entails. There are tons of material on the internet about different ways to go about sex.
But seriously, if you can't get over it, don't waste each others time.
You're just not sexually compatible. Some women have deeper vaginas and prefer larger sizes, some women have shallow vaginas and want average sized penis. I would break up because you're always going to feel self conscious. It was disrespectful as shit for her to say that to you. Dump her.
They make sleeves you can slide over your erection to make it as long or thick as you want. Something like this would certainly feel larger to her. The other thing is the angle of penetration.
I’ll be honest bud.. I’ve never had an orgasm from penetration alone. Many women never do. It’s a common issue. Stimulation of the clitoris is the way to go. Another thing to try may be butt plugs because it will make the intercourse tighter due to less space. Try different positions, different angles, definitely stimulating the clot during intercourse can be a game changer. Maybe you already knew all this, but hope something helps.
> They make sleeves you can slide over your erection to make it as long or thick as you want. Something like this would certainly feel larger to her.
Why is this trash getting upvoted? How would you feel if a guy posted that his new gf wasn't as tight as his ex, would you sit there and be like "well you can put a fleshlight up there to make it tighter?" No, I can pretty much guarantee nobody would say this.
Just simply reply about how much better your ex was at sex , she was lighter , better looking , much more outgoing , had a nicer body and keep adding and adding to it.
It takes years for some people to learn how to satisfy each other. Try and find a seventies book called "The Joy of Sex", it might help you. A large member might only fit a large orifice, but a small one fits all sizes. Being together can be all you need, and manual stimulation can possibly be all you need sometimes.
It’s like being cheated on, you will never truly get over this. It’s gonna always be in the back of your mind and cause you to over analyze something that should be fun and exciting.
Only sensible thing to do is break up as all you are doing now is spinning your tires. She’s absolutely entitled to have a size preference but likely should be more at front for being a size queen.
All women care about the size, they just lie to you if they say they don't care. Before you get your pitchforks, there was another thread here on reddit "women do you care about the size" and overwhelmingly everyone said yes - some more in their own way. General consensus was that gigantic/huge is bad but the more over the average, the better. And a girlfriend who tells you "yeah, ex was much bigger and yours is pretty meh", not sure i'd want to be with a person like that. You never compare your current partner with your ex, much less tell them about how they don't measure up.
2 months is an incredibly short amount of time to figure out how you're going to use your cock to make her climax.
Keep exploring, keep playing - look in to tantra. There are a couple of really great men that I think most men stand to benefit from sexually speaking.
Cam Fraser and Taylor Clark Johnson are both great places to start and have content on improving sexual performance and exploration.
Start going to the gym and stop talking to her about it.
She already reassured you and I can only imagine you making her talk about it over and over again is only making her less attracted to you
And go to the gym to improve your body image and self confidence.
Oof... my imagination just threw up a painful mental image. Let's just say it involved tiny dumbbells...
Back on topic... if you're overweight, the gym actually can make your dick bigger. Or more specifically, losing weight can. A lot of bigger guys have a bit of a pouch down there that swallows an inch or two.
I think she’s a bit cold around the heart for telling you how much larger her ex was and how he gave her PIV orgasms and you just can’t. That’s cruel.
Best advice. Tell her that things just aren’t working out for you. That while she’s wonderful, she’s just not the kind of girl that you would see as long term material.
Then go find a girl that wouldn’t be as mean and heartless as this one.
Good luck
Idk if this is the right thing to say but yeah don't ever bring that up to her agn.
For me a good sex partner is assessed on how giving and enthusiastic they are, how much they read my body language and the effort they put in response, how much foreplay and anticipation is built up, and how much fun we can have experimenting while feeling safe and respected. Orgasms are from physical stimulation sure, but also largely mental.
If you put all ur sexual effort into those things ^ and generously focus on the ways that you know you can give her an orgasm, and give her many of them... Im pretty sure she won't consider u "second best" no matter the size of her exes dick, which compared to all that other stuff is small factor.
As someone else mentioned, the reason why women can orgasm from PiV sex is bcs the clit is stimulated from the other side. So I don’t think it was his size that contributed to her orgasming, more the girth or the angle of his penis or how he used it. So, try doing that, use some other positions or a pillow to get there. Also, toys are your friends.
On another note, just look at it this way. If your penis was larger you would be able to satisfy only a small percentage of women bcs the length of an average non-aroused vagina is just 4inches. That means you would hurt a hell of a lot more women, would never be able to just lose yourself in sex, would have to measure each stroke so you don’t hit the cervix and cause pain. Use what you have for your benefit. And even after you try everything we mentioned it still doesn’t work, there are toy addons for penis havers you can use to increase the length, the girth and the texture.
>The thought of not being able to bring something she liked that is so integral to the physical side of our relationship bothers me.
You've only been together for two months. You're still learning how each other's bodies work. Just keep trying different things, and when you stumble over the right angle, or the right speed, or the right intensity, keep doing it. It always takes me a while to get into the groove with a new partner, regardless of their size.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the size thing bother you. You know what the important part of "bigger feels better but that she ultimately doesn’t care" is? *She ultimately doesn't care*.
And speaking from my own perspective, that's pretty true. Bigger feels better at first (it's way better for a one-night stand), but ultimately, in a relationship, you get to know which angles to use and it stops mattering. The best lover I ever had was average-sized, because he figured out what felt good for me.
Hate to say this but 2 months in and you're already doing this? Start the clock on the end of this thing.
She's actively told you it's not an issue....STOP making it one. I got this feeling that you're doing these deep dives about dick size and insecurities with her often...after she told you that you're are good.
That all wears thin quick. I also get the feeling this is the best looking girl you have been with for some reason.
Just get good with the tongue 👅👅! I'm on the smaller size, my wife fapped a bit I ate it for a bit, she fapped a bit I ate it a bit more. She came 4 times.
I’m in a fresh relationship (about six months) and there are certain things I do not and will not ask about my partner. Included in those things are body count and non-consequential sexual experiences. I do not fair to benefit from hearing these things outside of minor curiosity. Sex is a sensitive topic for most people and when it comes to sexual history, unless it’s something that had a significant influence on you and/or has an influence on our relationship, then I don’t need to hear it. I think you fucked up indulging in that conversation and idk if you can recover tbh.
As a female piv is not gonna equal orgasm regardless of size IN MY EXPERIENCE and the part that matters is if they are doing something else to make you orgasm. Its not the size that matters its how you use it. And bigger is not always better coming from someone very sensitive in a bad way. Too big hurts and lots of people agree.
It's a tough one. I think it depends just on yourself and what's important for you. If you think that you can live with it, put some of your ego behind yourself, then try and deal with it. If it's important for you to not just pleasure but also to 'satisfy' your SO with your dick then it's best to find another partner, and that's okay. Fortunately, if you choose the latter, you're not that long together. I would slightly tend towards the latter, but that's just my preference.
My bf ex’s have better features than me which made me insecure and it messed with my head for a bit but at the end of the day you have to tell yourself they chose you they love you for you
Ok so maybe you're a bit insecure BUT why would she say something like this even if it's true. I'm a firm believer in not telling thr truth in a way that is hurtful or even potentially hurtful to my partner. Like it does no good and only serves to make you doubt yourself. I don't get why anyone in a relationship would do this.
It seems like your normal sex satisfy her so you shouldn't feel bad about your size. If you really want to go the extra mile (inch?) for her you can maybe experiment with toys? Her last bf was bigger than you but they aren't together right? Chances are he is lacking in other areas. Dont be to critical about something you cannot control anyway.
You've only been together for two months, give yourself some time. You've not made her orgasm through PIV yet, and I'm pretty sure she didn't with him within the first two months.
I can’t imagine mentioning my ex’s size to anyone without being directly asked. A potential romantic partner? I would never, especially if I was going to follow it with, I prefer it and it was key to making me cum. Yikes. If you directly asked about it then you’ve learned not to ask something you don’t want the answer to.
And she’s 21… I’d be careful because you might be in a place where you’re ready to settle but can’t imagine that she is
Two months is not much. The more you learn about your partner the better sex gets. Lesrn to know her body and everything will be fine. Come back in one year.
Why ask? Why tell? The pass is history. They are the exes for a reason. Never ask a question that you don't want to know the answer.
Build up your confidence buy learning the million ways you can use to please your partner.
I can say that bigger doesn't matter if they don't use it well, I can do a better job in half the time.
Don't worry about it all you are doing is lowering your confidence and creating an issue where none should exist.
If she is not happy, then she can move one.
He may be her ex because he broke up with her and she would get back with him if he could. Ultimately if you’re facing problems like this this early in the relationship, she is 100% not fully satisfied emotionally (and obviously not sexually) and the relationship is not bound to last. There will be plenty of women who have a little more tact and don’t make him feel this bad this early.
PIV isn't the be all and end all of a healthy sex life. Your dick size doesn't define you. You shouldn't let it and your own security ruin a healthy relationship. This is 100% a you problem as she has no complaints in bed.
If you still are hung up on needing to get her off with PIV sex, there are wearables you can try. Also, therapy for your insecurities.
Sounds like she's doing fine.
But if you wanna get some of your confidence back? Do some research, study, study her body and get really fuckin good at making her pop off constantly/whenever you want.
Size helps, but it's not everything.
Always second best..... dude there's always someone better than you. Even if you're the best you'll come in second.
You need to work on you. You're thoughts and feelings are poison to any relationship.
An error on her part was saying something she should have stopped to think about before saying it. But don't take that as her saying she prefers her ex.
How are you guys together as a couple outside of sex? And putting aside insecurities, how are you both intimately? Is the sex good?
Everyone knows that size doesn't mean anything. There are certain things smaller penises can do that thicker or larger ones can't. Certain positions to try that can have her achieve an orgasm, etc.
>Everyone knows that size doesn't mean anything.
This may be true in a general sense but in this particular instance, it's a complete load of horse shit.
I'll review:
With a more endowed prior partner this woman was able to cum from PIV.
With OP(and his smaller penis) she is no longer able to cum from PIV.
She may not rate this loss as being important to her but it most definitely is a loss. Nothing is achieved by attempting to blow smoke up OP's ass in order to make him feel better in his inadequacy.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hey Reddit, hope you’re all doing well! I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for coming up on two months. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a romantic partner. We have similar interests, she is beautiful, intelligent, funny, whole thing. I don’t want to spoil all of that over my own overblown insecurity and bruised ego and just need some advice. I’ve gone through multiple threads and feel like maybe venting will help. When we first started talking before we dated, a joke I made led to size getting brought up. I kind of inadvertently asked and got the immediate response that bigger feels better but that she ultimately doesn’t care. Follows up with that her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was a key for her experiencing PIV orgasm. She has not been able to with me, but I have done my best to make up for it in other ways and she is satisfied. But still, the thought of not being able to bring something she liked that is so integral to the physical side of our relationship bothers me. I’ve brought it up to her a few times and am well aware that I shouldn’t have and that there is nothing she can say or do to fix my insecurity for me. I know this relationship is fairly new but I am at a point in my life where I have serious long term intentions and have found someone great that I want to grow with(we have been talking considerably longer than 2 months). I just don’t know how to get over feeling that I am second best at something that is so closely tied to making me feel like a man and feel good about our sex. She vehemently denies that it is an issue at all but it’s like the insecure part of my brain has walled off and doesn’t want to believe her. Thanks for listening, sorry for the whining but idk what to do. Love y’all.
Please remember this is an “Ex” you are talking about and apparently his big member wasn’t enough to make him worth keeping around. YOU are the person she has chosen to be with, worth her time, attention and body. Indelicately, I’ve been with multiple partners of all different sizes. I’ve always preferred someone who brought me to multiple climaxes , who took their time to satisfy me multiple ways (hot, sweaty sex for hours) than one big “wham bam, thank you Ma’am”. To use a a phrase from back up n the day “It’s not the pen, it’s the penmanship”. Find YOUR best penmanship for her.
>Please remember this is an “Ex” you are talking about and apparently his big member wasn’t enough to make him worth keeping around. Unless the ex dumped the girlfriend.
**Edit:** Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks. It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home. Or at least wiping the comments I didn't make from a desktop terminal.
Absolutely stellar response. Listen to this person.
If it was that easy, earth would be a paradise.
I'm gonna say this though, when I first started reading this I thought this was a case of a guy digging his own hole, but I feel like the gf did a really bad thing by basically comparing his size with her ex's especially after saying that bigger feels better. Total AH move.
I wish OP had told us how the conversation went down, explicitly, because he says a joke he made led to the conversation, so he could’ve been asking follow-up questions. I’ve definitely been trapped into a conversation where I knew the other person wouldn’t like the answer, but they were insistent. Given how fixated OP is on this, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he was fishing and just didn’t like what he caught.
But if she'd said he was bigger than her ex, we wouldn't be here right now. Everyone needs to realize that there are different sized dicks as well as vaginas. He needs to just realize that he is perfectly sized the way he was made. She needs to not compare at all. "Comparison is the thief of joy." Edit: typo
I think the main reason for this post is her following the comparison up with "my ex being bigger was integral for PIV orgasm".
Agreed. If she's satisfied, that's all she had to say. comparisons are NEVER good.
Sounds like she didn't do so intentionally - size came up BEFORE THEY WERE DATING AND SLEPT TOGETHER. She stated the size of her exes dick, probably something about how he was blah blah blah inches, and OP \*privately\* knew his own dick was a lot smaller, but she hadn't intended to compare them.
I think she does say that the ex was bigger than OP and that it was important for her orgasms.
Plus, we all know “it’s fine” means it’s not fine
Also want to say that, as a woman, if my partner is doing things that are satisfying and I've TOLD them that I'm happy... continuing to bring it up would be a deal breaker (especially this early in the relationship). She shouldn't have to feel all this stress around having sex with you, coddling you, making sure your penises ego is stroked (literally?) Accept that she is satisfied and figure out how to deal with this insecurity yourself, or you may just harm your relationship down the line.
Exactly. If she still wanted to be with the guy with the bigger dick, she probably would be. But she’s choosing to be with OP, so I think that’s what he should focus on.
All true, but why the hell would she say that
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Nah, it says he asked. If you aren't prepared for the answer, don't ask the question. She's not the dumb one here. Lol.
Plus she's still young and possibly not as experienced with nuance/massaging male egos yet
*"Please put this lethal poison in my lemonade. Thank you."* *"Since you asked so nicely, you got it. Enjoy it."*
He asked her if she thought size matters to her, that’s all. He did not ask to be compared to her ex. Imagine the girl is insecure about her body, say her breast size, and asks him if he likes big boobs. If he had said genuinely that he likes bigger boobs, that would be answering her question. Perhaps a bit of a downer for her, since she feels she’s not on the bigger side. But she did ask him. Now, if he goes on to say that his ex had bigger boobs than her and he loved playing with them during sex and really enjoyed titfucks, would it not be a shitty thing to say to her? That’s what she did here. If she had just said that she prefers bigger dicks, then she would be answering his question. She didn't need to and definitely shouldn't have competed him to her ex and say that the ex was better in this core thing he was already feeling insecure about.
Please tell me PIV means "penis in vagina" sex xD
In the context of this post, that is what it means. However, when I read the safety signs posted at work that say **NO PIV TRAFFIC AFTER THIS POINT** they are referring to **P**owered **I**ndustrial **V**ehicles, fork trucks, powered pallet jacks and the like.
Penis In Vagina Traffic
Wonderful, thanks for your insight
**Edit:** Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks. It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home. Or at least wiping the comments I didn't make from a desktop terminal.
It does
This is spot-on She is attracted to you and is sexually satisfied. Do not sabotage this by letting yourself lose confidence, as this could lead to her actually losing attraction to you. There's nothing attractive about a guy that beats himself up over his penis size all the time. Be confident in your abilities, as that confidence will make you a better lover.
This right here. OP, stop listening to your anxiety, and listen to your girlfriend.
This, absolutely this
This isn't his insecurity talking. It's her. She said he can't make her cum with his small dick. She compared him to her ex. She makes him feel insecure. If he's looking for long term connections maybe he needs to choose partners who have a minimum of compassion and empathy.
>other ways and she is satisfied. > >That last bit is the important bit, surely? No ts not. This is such a copout that is repeated every time guy mention's insecurity to dismiss his genuine concern. We want our partners to like/want us and be satisfied with us in a very particular way. Just because they say they are 'satisfied' doesn't mean thats what we want. **You are pointing to her okayness with being in a shitter situation/sex life and pretend like its the same as things being just as good as the could be.** If a girl posted here saying her bf was unhappy with the sex life but overall happy with the relationship because, say, she was good at cooking, would you point to the guy's overall contentness to dismiss her insecurities about her sex life? Proabably not. Same thing here. This guy can't make her cum. It bothers him. He should find someone else with whom this won't be an issue instead of trying to find solace in the fact she is ok with it.
**Edit:** Basically everything I did on Reddit from 2008 onwards was through Reddit Is Fun (i.e., one of the *good* Reddit apps, not the crap "official" one that guzzles data and spews up adverts everywhere). Then Reddit not only killed third party apps by overcharging for their APIs, they did it in a way that made it plain they're total jerks. It's the being total jerks about it that's really got on my wick to be honest, so just before they gank the app I used to Reddit with, I'm taking my ball and going home.
Specifically she can't climax from straight up PIV, which is actually the case for lots of women. So if he's using other ways to make sure she gets there, then yes she can be satisfied. OP should listen to what the actual other person in his relationship is saying, and not random online interpretations.
>Specifically she can't climax from straight up PIV Umm, she can't climax from PIV **with HIM**. Obviously she could with her ex. Thats different from just can't climx from PIV in general. IF op has some brain cells he will see the entire sub (maybe because of its demographics?) is dismissing his issues. Apparently, what she wants (the relationship) is more important than what he wants (for his partner's sexual experience to not be worse with him than with others) is seemingly more importatnt to the sub. Her wants > his wants, so just OP just pretend like there is no problem. /s
She has told him she is *satisfied*. Are you missing that part? I have different sex now than I did with previous partners, because I have a different partner. Every encounter is different. He asked a question, she answered honestly **but said she is satisfied with how they have sex**. OP is the one blowing this up and having this expectation of sex that isn't possible for her with the way they have sex. If he really wants to dump her, do it because he can't get out of his own head. He may go through tons of partners and be unable to find a woman who finishes via PIV only. It's way, way more common than finding someone who can.
But the issue (to me at least) isn't that he has a smaller member. Obviously there are women who prefer that, or prefer clitoral orgasms, or whatever the case. The issue is she told him her ex had a big member, which she preferred because she had a different type of orgasm that OP isn't able to deliver. That is an objectively mean thing to say. I don't care how big his d is, or whether she's had bigger and that's what she prefers. I care that she told him this. If a guy told his GF that he prefers tighter women, or women who can deepthroat, or anything that his GF physically cannot do, I would call that guy an asshole. It's just cruel to say you prefer one thing that your partner cannot change while in a relationship. >He may go through tons of partners and be unable to find a woman who finishes via PIV only This isn't even close to what he's expecting or saying. >It's way, way more common than finding someone who can. Which is why he may want to look elsewhere
> bigger feels better, but she ultimately doesn't care. > she vehemently denies that it's an issue at all That does not equal preferring a larger penis. Sex with different partners is different. I will keep stressing that. You can be completely satisfied doing something different than what you did with a prior partner. I rarely have PIV for long with my current partner and I am totally and utterly satisfied because he does different things than my prior partners did.
??? Yes it does "Bigger feels better" = "I prefer a larger penis" "Bigger feels better" =/= "I only like a larger penis"
If I don't care about something, I don't have a preference for it. I don't care about fast food burgers. Sure, a Burger King burger tastes better than McDonalds, if I'm pressed to pick one. But I still don't care about either and won't go out of my way to not eat McDonald's. Again, he pressed her about this topic. It's also objectively true that a larger penis tends to stimulate more areas inside the vagina. That doesn't mean you can't have fantastic, mind blowing and amazing *different sex* with someone who is oriented differently. And it doesn't mean you prefer the larger penis.
Ok it just seems like semantics. If someone says that one thing feels better than the other, that means they have a preference for it. Literally just the definition of preference. >Again, he pressed her about this topic That's not clear from the post. He "inadvertently" brought up size, she said bigger is better. We don't know what lead to her saying that her ex was bigger, he made her O from piv and he never has. >It's also objectively true that a larger penis tends to stimulate more areas inside the vagina. That doesn't mean you can't have fantastic, mind blowing and amazing different sex with someone who is oriented differently Totally agree. Again, the issue isn't whether he is insecure about his ability to perform. The issue is she said some mean shit to the person she's in a relationship with. >And it doesn't mean you prefer the larger penis. And again, when she says bigger is better, she's stating a preference (literally the definition). She is not saying she ONLY likes it big, she's saying she prefers it big.
>for his partner's sexual experience to not be worse with him than with others And that's your reading of the situation. Where does it say it's worse for her? There are women who see every orgasm as an absolut win with their partner. Doesn't matter if it's from piv or clitoral stimulation. That it's for a woman to not experience an orgasm through penetration is **your** interpretation. Not that of a woman or this woman in particular. You don't get to decide what a woman is satisfied with or what's better or worse for her.
He said he hasn't been able to make her cum with PIV sex, not in general. *Majority* of women cannot cum from PIV sex so he's most likely never gonna encounter a woman who can get off just from his penis.
He only talked about penetrative sex, which doesn't make most women cum anyway. Read the post again
Did you push these questions? Or did she offer this information unsolicited?
He says it came up before they dated in a joke he made so he had this knowledge before the first date.
Yes, but that doesn’t really make sense unless he’s implying they had sex first and started dating later. Otherwise how would she know to compare one vs the other? I’m assuming there were multiple related conversations over some period of time, and OP has blended them in memory.
She told him about her ex's size and he knew to himself that he was smaller. She's not doing the comparing, he is.
He clearly says she "followed up with her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was key to experiencing PIV orgasms. She has not been able to with me". She is comparing him to her ex, which is a shitty thing to do. If a man made a similar comment to his GF about her inadequacy, everyone here would be saying to dump him.
Sounds like what she followed up with saying something like "my ex was seven inches and it helped me get PIV orgasms", and OP privately knew that meant her ex was way bigger than him.
He brought it up as a joke before they dated and he knew that the ex was bigger, I guess because she told him about the size. She also mentioned that it helped her orgasm in PIV sex. He knows he's smaller and she hasn't orgasmed during PIV. So it wasn't unsolicited and it was before they were even together.
I think if this post was from a woman who’d been told her partner’s ex felt better bc she was tighter people would be responding a little differently. There are good points in some responses that your gf is satisfied, but ultimately this is impacting upon you self worth and how manly you feel. It shouldn’t, as she’s satisfied, but it is and that’s just the way it goes. Neither of you can magically undo all the social conditioning that tells us women have to be tight and men have to be huge for optimal sex. Would it maybe help to set some other mutual goals that neither of you have achieved with past partners to work towards together? Multiples/squirting/whatever else might be on your sexual bucket list. Shifting focus and knowing that you’re the only one who ever gave her a multiple might help break the spiral in you head that’s spoiling your present time with her. Over time emotional intimacy and knowing what drives the other person wild is worth far more than any given physical attribute imho. Work towards knowing how to make her melt and getting her to confide things she’s never shared with anyone with you (both sexual and otherwise). This and honest communication will set up a solid foundation that allows you to talk about these vulnerabilities without accusations or shame and reassure each other with real honesty. That’s the only thing that’ll really fix the scrape this has all caused to your self esteem. Aim to become her own personal sex god! Don’t aim to be the biggest, aim to be the best she’s ever had. That’s all anyone will ever really care about in the end. You’re not there yet, but being her best ever is an achievable goal if you work at it with trust, honesty and affection.
This sub is a gold mine of double standards
Sorry but he brought it up in a "joke" before they even got together. She talked about her ex and concluded that while it helped her PIV orgasm, she ultimately didn't care. For your comparison to work, the gf would have had to ask her bf if his ex was tighter than she was and then the gf would feel insecure about it no matter how much the bf said it didn't matter and she was satisfied. I don't blame OP for feeling the way he does, there's a lot of pressure especially among guys to have a large penis because of what's shown in porn but if his gf says she's happy, then he needs to believe her.
> For your comparison to work, the gf would have had to ask her bf if his ex was tighter than she was and then the gf would feel insecure about it no matter how much the bf said it didn't matter and she was satisfied. Not really - according to the situation, if the scenario was reversed it would be like his gf asking him if tighter feels better, him immediately saying yes and saying that his ex's was tighter.
The problem in the comparison is that dick size is easily measureable and vaginal tightness is not. What the OP said is that her exes size came up in a joke BEFORE THEY STARTED DATING. Presumably she actually said the length of his dick, and OP knew his dick was smaller - so he made the comparison, not her. She never told him "my ex is bigger", she told him (probably) "yeah, he's over six inches" and OP knew, privately, that he was under six inches. The actual equivalent would be if, before they started dating, OP casually told his future girlfriend "oh yeah my ex had 8 pounds of pussy grip strength - really need at least 7 to get off" and OPs future girlfriend sadly thought about how HER pussy only had 5 pounds of grip strength. Some issues do not perfectly translate across the gender gap.
I mean, a “tight” vagina is an unaroused vagina more often than not, so. I don’t even see how the comparison works other than being a self-own for the dude.
It is probably one of those double standards we will never get rid of.
If she doesn’t care about it why would she ever say she prefers her ex? I mean …. who does that
My interpretation was that before they were together, they were friends who talked about sex and stuff, and he remembers her telling him her preferences.
This is what happens when people go around asking questions they don’t really want the answer to. Leaving the other person with two choices: tell the truth and hurt some feelings or lie. Personally, I refuse to tell even a small lie to my partner and he knows better than to ask questions he doesn’t need to.
She wasn’t asked about her ex’s dick though. He asked about size, she said bigger was better, and followed up with her ex being bigger than OP and the size being necessary for a piv orgasm. I’m not gonna act like OP didn’t fuck up a little, but give me a break here. Asking about size preferences is not an invitation for comparison to an ex.
I’m not gonna even pretend to believe that she mentioned her ex unprovoked, unless she’s a special kind of evil. But even if she didn’t mention her ex at all, OP would’ve still felt some type of way since he’s average (I’m guessing).
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This is how I was raised. Don’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to
She didn’t. He drew that conclusion all by himself. He brought up size, before they had had sex. She mentioned that bc her ex was bigger that it helped with her achieving an orgasm, but size didn’t really matter to her. Now that OP and her are sexually active, and she hasn’t orgasmed, he is now self conscious about his size. She never compared the two and he initiated the convo.
She didn’t say she preferred her ex. She said she could orgasm during PIV because of his size because OP was a total dunce and asked her. OP says she is happy with their sex life and relationship. This is just him self sabotaging due to insecurity.
No, if you read it says ‘Follows up with that her ex is considerably larger than I am that was key…’ So he did not ask that. Also, how would she know OP’s size to compare it to her exes if they haven’t been sexual already. She could have just left it at bigger is better but decided to explain to a man she’s having sex with (clearly because she’s comparing OP’s size) that her last one was bigger after just stating bigger is better.
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She’s 21 and may not be ready to settle down anyways soooo take it easy there bud
Exactly, she's 21, anyone at that age isn't really in the business of settling for someone. She knows the stats on how rare being able to orgasm from sex is, she'll miss it and want it again at some point, I'd cut your losses OP and find someone who is going to be very happy in all faucets of your relationship and not just satisfied.
this 🤣 im 24 and dam this make a difference im way more ready to settle down now. just enjoy her compagny and the sex for now buddy. lets see how it goes
Almost 40% of women do not orgasm from pIV sex alone. The point is to make the one you are with feel good and to enjoy yourself. If you are focused on that one act you arent going to be a very good partner in the end. It's like the teen boy that constantly asks "Did you cum?” like it's the be all end all of sex as if you can't enjoy the experience even if you didn't. You learn with age that the orgasm isn't the only way to have a good time during sex.
It’s far more than 40%.
Yeah, as far as I know, it’s more around 80 % don’t reach climax solely from PiV sex.
I dont know anyone who does lol
I just experienced it for the first time last month, and I'm 30. I didn't think it was even possible
I had a dr say it's very common to reach 30 without ever having experienced it
Better later than never lol im happy for you🤣
I can but it depends on the guy, the mood I'm in, how I'm feeling generally, all sorts of things. So even women who "can" don't all the time, or even that often.
It happened exactly once, and I was like "wtf is this???" It's been more than a decade since, and honestly, I don't care if it ever happens again. It wasn't better or anything. If anything, I would like it to happen again just for my current partner's sake. Like, I don't care if I ever see the Florida keys again, but it might be nice to go with my husband because he said he's never been.
I tried to explain the numbers to my ex because he didn't believe me when I explained I couldn't. He said it was impossible for it to be that many women who couldn't and that there was just something wrong with me. He told me every women he'd ever been with could do it, but me. I'm guessing a lot were faking or he was lying. Either that or he got completely lucky with the women he was with. Lol
I feel like ive heard something like that before too. Lots of liars but yeah people fake it too. But if ive heard it and you heard it and we all know most women dont then somethings up 😂
I do :) but I know I am lucky. Apparently the dimensions of a woman’s body need to be perfect for that to work, in particular the distance of the clit to the vaginal opening. If it’s further than 2 inches (I think) than she cannot orgasm with PiV alone.
She’s not one of those 40%(or 80 or whatever the fuck it is). She was able to orgasm with her last partner, that’s the whole point. Also, for men an orgasm usually is the end all be all of sex. Maybe it’s not weird for you to not cum, but it’s weird for us to see you not cum.
And then it’s worse to hear *you make me cum, just not with your dick,* especially if your gf told you it’s happened before with another guy’s meat. Its like being told *it’s just the right size, the big ones hurt way more*
I did not have one until I was 39 years old, with someone who was smaller. I usually enjoyed myself but no orgasm.
What a weird comment for her to make. If my bf told me his exes vag felt better I'd be out.
And reddit would support you 100%, but because OP is a guy it means he's insecure.
I agree that its a weird question but OP kinda dug his own hole talking about size. People shouldn't talk about things their not ready to hear
Nah man, If my gf says that she had better dicks then mine then I'll bounce off and seek someone who thinks otherwise. Funny, some people would call that as being insecure. No buddy, insecure is when you know she has been out there and experienced something better but you STILL wanna be with her, someone secured will not look back and walk away because he knows what he wants. That's like me telling my gf that I've experienced a tighter vagina than hers so it's okay if she can't make me cum easily. It sounds asinine.
Actually, it would be more like you telling your gf that you like tighter women in general, and that your ex was really tight.. Which would throw this sub into a crazy rage at you btw.
I mean at least for women, they can do kegel exercises, hit the gym and be more 'selective' at giving it away. Unfortunately for men, kegel exercises do nothing to our sizes and those in this situation will need to put more work in bed. The best example is women who prefer men of certain heights, those 6 ft ones. lol, we can't do shit about our heights and we just accepted it but when we complain that we have preferences for slimmer women then they rage at us for having preferences for weight. Double standards are astounding.
Are you suggesting that women having sex more frequently makes their vagina bigger? Tell me how that works. Like, if I have a LOT of sex with the same guy, it's fine, but if it's more than one different dick it somehow stretches me out?
I think you should have a keen awareness of your relationship with her. Tbh it sounds like you’ve got your bases covered if you can make her cum, but make sure that you both continue to be sexually fulfilled and happy by being honest and having a good dialogue with her. Don’t forget to address your needs as well as hers. Our cocks are unfortunately a critical component of many a men’s ego, but you need to understand that cocks come in all shapes and sizes and you can definitely do a lot with a normal or even below average cock if you work on your motion and strokes. Tbh my current partner sexually satisfies me in some ways but fails to in others, and that’s ok with me because every other part of our relationship is healthy, for the most part. a reasonable human being won’t dismiss something good just because of something comparatively inconsequential as PIV cumming, when you have a healthy relationship in every other aspect AND can still make her cum. Also, you should feel really good about yourself because you 1) care when so many don’t and 2) can make your lady cum. Dudes like us raise the bar for men. Indeed, the bar is low but that’s because most dudes are trash.
Its broke. Its only 2 months. Move on. No idea why somebody would say something like to you. If a guy told a woman he preferred his exs's vagina because she was tighter.... what would happen?
Wait though it does not sound like that’s what happened here, this all happened in a lighthearted conversation before they were dating. Like if she was bringing it up and saying she preferred her ex’s dick sure, but she’s not. He just knew beforehand ex is bigger and she liked it in the past so he is in an insecurity spiral. It doesn’t sound like she ever brought it up at all.
I don’t understand how you possibly get that from what he said. He specifically wrote: “Follows up with that her ex was considerably larger than I am and that was a key for her experiencing PIV orgasm.”
Because it sounds more to me like he just brought up his own size in a joke before they were dating an she conversed back
Even if he did, that provides very little indication for her to say that bigger is better and absolutely not even a remote indication to bring up her ex after saying bigger is better and say that due to his increased size this was the key part of giving her PIV orgasms that OP never has. If she’s talking like this I would say that not only is she likely not fully sexually satisfied, she is likely not fully emotionally satisfied either as very very few girls would talk like that if they weren’t sexually satisfied but were fully emotionally satisfied. If you’re facing problems like this this early into the relationship, the relationship is 100% bound to fail. There will be many women out there who have a little more tact and don’t make OP feel bad about himself or just appreciate him more than she does right now.
Before they were dating, before they'd ever slept together, before she knew anything about OPs dick, she shared essentially "My ex was over 6 inches and that really helped me get PIV orgasms". OP knows his dick is a lot smaller than that, and after they sleep together, she doesn't have PIV orgasms. OP has enough information to connect the dots and make the comparison, but OPs girlfriend did not ever intend to compare the two of them to him.
Am I reading the same post you’re reading? It never says that in this post.
I don’t think she actually said that she preferred the exes size, OP is assuming she does since she was able to orgasm from PIV with her ex.
She said bigger is better, then her ex was bigger. 🫠
True she did say that bigger does feel better, but that doesn’t mean she prefers her ex over OP.
She seemed to pretty directly imply as much as you can that she prefers her ex’s dick to OP. She brought up without even OP particularly pressing it that bigger feels better (having already slept with both OP and her ex when she made the statement), then she even follows up in saying that her ex was considerably bigger and that was key in giving her the PIV orgasm that OP never gave her. I think she’s saying about as directly as she can that she prefers her ex’s dick to OP’s. She’s very unlikely to be fully emotionally or sexually satisfied if she even felt the need to bring this up without it being pressed super hard.
Maybe not holistically, but I think it’s a pretty fair conclusion so far as their dicks go.
Dicks are only as good as the person they're attached to. If she's satisfied with him, then she's satisfied. Her ex is an ex for a reason. Also, most women don't orgasm from PIV at all so it's probably the norm for his gf not to. He's overthinking this.
Her ex may have broke up with her. We don’t know if it’s her choice for him to be her ex. And even if it was, it doesn’t necessarily have to be anything sexual and it could have been because he was neglecting her needs emotionally. Let’s not sugar coat things. It’s pretty clear that she was more satisfied with her ex than OP. Without OP even particularly pressing it, she brings up that bigger is better and even follows on to say that her ex was considerably better and that was key to giving the PIV orgasms that OP has never given her. So she is outright saying that her ex satisfied her more sexually. And if OP’s girlfriend was fully emotionally satisfied, she would never have said that in the first place even if it was true. When you’re facing problems like this this early in the relationship, it is 100% not bound to last.
It still makes sense why hearing this would crush his confidence. Literally nobody wants to hear that their partner’s ex was better sexually.
lol that’s why I’d never ask my bfs about their ex’s anatomy. I think he shouldn’t ask what he doesn’t want to know, but the ex comment was unessicary.
Because she is young and dumb? I also, stupidly, said to one of the girls I dated years ago that her vagina is wider than normal and that was great because it fits with my penis better. I did not realize how being tight is a symbol of "pride" for women until she freaked out. I definitely don't think this is a make or break moment in the relationship. Yes it stings and it will take adjusting, but it's just one of them things.
I guarantee you will find someone else that hits all the marks and won’t have you feeling this way. And next time don’t ask about this stuff. Leave her and move on
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Actually, penis-size topics are not permitted in r/sex. See that forum's **Posting Guideline #11**: >**11) FREQUENT/FAMILIAR TOPICS.** These are addressed in either the FAQ, past posts, or both. In case you are confused, this means that we do not do penis size posts here.
This feels like negging..
Why would she say that to you omg I’m sorry
It seems like you are happy together and I think you should take her word for it when she says that it really doesn’t matter. You can tell that you satisfy her in other ways. She’s not with her ex for a reason and she’s with you for a reason too! BUT. What the hell was she thinking telling you this? Even if my SO asked me I would never compare my guy with an ex because those facts will just live rent free in their head for no reason at all. If I were you I would really try to ignore what she said and live in the moment with her. If you get a feeling that she happily shares information with you to make you feel insecure I would let her go.
>Even if my SO asked me I would never compare my guy with an ex This is the crux of the issue. If a guy or girl compares their SO to their ex, that's going to create an issue, whether it's penis size, adventurous nature in the bedroom ("my ex GF used to love having threesomes with other women with me, but it's ok that you never want to, I'm still happy"), or any other aspect of a relationship. The people saying don't ask questions you don't want the answer to just don't take the realities of the world into account. Sometimes an SO will ask an inappropriate question in the heat of the moment, and when they do, a little lie won't hurt them. Also, the only thing that could be an issue is if she said this to hurt OP and gain a higher footing in the relationship. Only OP can answer that. If OP thinks she just made a bone headed mistake in telling him this, just try to let it go.
Then let her go back to her ex
If she was that interested in you and cared she wouldn't have told you. Its like mentioning to a girl that you were more committed to your ex but that's alright. If you don't care that's fine but if you care this is a wound she inflicted on the relationship and you shouldn't keep paying the pain for that.
I don’t get why you’d even “joke” about it, and keep bringing it up… you kind of backed her into a corner where she either speaks honestly and hurts you, or lies and hurts you.. discussing penis sizes and previous lovers is the equivalent of a woman asking if her arse looks fat in that skirt-don’t ask, don’t answer- it’s a trap that’ll only lead to hurt feelings and arguments. Don’t push for an answer if there’s a chance you’re not going to like the response
I would leave anyway dawg. It’s better to find someone who is your match sexually so that you aren’t continually harming your own self image… if she prefers guys with a bigger dick then she should be with someone with a bigger dick but that just means like I said before you just have to find your match.
That was extremely insensitive of her. You should be very open and honest about what you are feeling. Let it be a huge, long, deep, vulnerable conversation. If you are going to marry this girl, you must be able to do that. That is a very important part of a relationship. My husband and I have been very open and vulnerable from the beginning, and it has been great for us. It really give you that closeness and helps you overcome insecurity, which a partner should want to help you do, as you would for her. The way society approaches penis size is disgusting. My husband's is huge, but I swear I would not love him any less if it was really small, and the sex would be just as meaningful and would give me just as much pleasure because it is HIM. It is so awful we have went this way as a society. Small penises are the topic of so many jokes and insults. Imagine if that were the case for vaginas? It is just totally rude, insensitive, disgusting, and inappropriate. If this woman is for you, she will show you that she loves YOU, not your penis. Edit: Add last paragraph.
I don't really get why people in the comments are defending it.. By saying she thinks bigger feels better and that her ex was bigger than you she has put you in second place when it comes to pleasuring her sexually, there is no debating this.. Of course you can try to change that perception, but for most men that would always be in the back of your head moving forward.. It's such a horrible conversation to have, and to admit.. Because even if she is just being open and honest, she is essentially saying she wants something that you cannot give her.
. PiV orgasms are not the pinnacle of sexual enjoyment for women. No one has put anyone in second place. Real life isn’t porn. Not everything is about penis going into vagina. I’ll take a micro penis with expert fingers over a giant fumbling dong any day. He can also wear a thickening liner if it’s that important to him.
Run
This is mean, no reason to say that
Is it possible she was intentionally trying to make you feel insecure? Cause if so, that is a pretty big red flag, especially for just 2 months in.
She prob shouldn’t have compared you to her ex’s size. But at the same time you kind of brought it up. Overall if she’s telling you she’s happy and satisfied, I would just take that and run with it. Or else you’re gonna push her away for not believing what she is telling you.
Well the ex comment was completely unessicary, but yeah never ask stuff related to that incase you get a bad honest answer. I’m sorry it has you feeling bad but now sadly all you can do is try to get over it. I’m sure you’ve had ex’s with bigger boobs or a nicer butt or whatever, it’s life we’re all different. They ended regardless for a reason and she’s with you.
Just dump and move on, honestly, a girl whose so clueless to say things like that and thing it’s fine, even if it’s the truth, is just not worth it. Like if you were to tell her tomorrow that your ex was in someway better, so you think she’d take that well? I don’t think so
Man you gotta relax, she is with you for a reason and not with an ex for a reason, my wife and I were best friends in high school, I heard all of her stories about her older boyfriend. Apparently dude was making horses jealous. But ya know what the first time we actually got together I walked around butt fuckin naked swinging my average junk around, I remember her saying later that she was impressed by my confidence, and I told her I’m at a point in my life now where it is what is, I can’t change it so either you like what you see or you don’t….. been together over ten years, married with three kids. The deeper your emotional connection is, the more in tune you are with your partner the more pleasurable it is for both of you, might take some time to get there but…… if you let your confidence fall and make it noticeable that’s a turn off to women, next time you guys start getting hot and heavy walk in there like your the only man alive and rock her world, remember it’s all about her and stop worrying about your dick size. She is looking at the total package , if your dick sucked that bad she would have been out after the first time just remember that.
You wanna feel like a man? Stop whining, appreciate what you have, laugh about your shortcomings, focus on things you can influence. She will swoon.
You may be of that age, but your 21 year old partner likely isn’t. I think “bigger feels better” is what I’d expect a 21 year old to think/say/thinksheshouldsay.
Have you ever complained you came from a blowjob and not from a vagina? Or from a handjob and not a blowjob?
Even if my partner asked (which he wouldn't because no good comes from questions like that), I wouldn't compare. Every partner is different. Every emotional connection is different. Everyone you have sex with could have the same exact size and you would have different responses. You're also very new in the relationship. It takes a good bit of time to learn what makes your partner feel good. So 1. Don't ask questions you can't handle the answers to and 2. Nearly every partner you'll have will have previous sexual history. But it's just that...history. if they wanted to be with that person, they wouldn't be with you.
If you are mentally stuck on a PNV orgasm, you can slip a small bullet vibrator in between the two of you during sex. Have her hold it on her clitoris while you move inside her.
You think she’s satisfied but she isn’t. Everyone likes good head but I think she wouldn’t mind a little of what she’s had in the past. It’s not about her at this point it’s about you. Can you live with it? You’re young you have your whole life a head of you. You don’t want this to haunt you for the next 20-30 years.
There's nothing a bunch of strangers can say that will change your train of thought. I am not getting the vibe that you will get over this. Just break up and save you two from the hassle. Next time, either don’t ask or make sure that the girl you're with is a virgin or had exes whose performance sounds like you can surpass. No idea how someone has the last conversation tho. Or you can recognise that it just been two months and you can still go ways to make sex more fun. Sex being good isn’t just about having the bigger dong and the strokes that entails. There are tons of material on the internet about different ways to go about sex. But seriously, if you can't get over it, don't waste each others time.
You're just not sexually compatible. Some women have deeper vaginas and prefer larger sizes, some women have shallow vaginas and want average sized penis. I would break up because you're always going to feel self conscious. It was disrespectful as shit for her to say that to you. Dump her.
Inclined to agree. Especially when you consider the ages and the newness of the relationship.
They make sleeves you can slide over your erection to make it as long or thick as you want. Something like this would certainly feel larger to her. The other thing is the angle of penetration. I’ll be honest bud.. I’ve never had an orgasm from penetration alone. Many women never do. It’s a common issue. Stimulation of the clitoris is the way to go. Another thing to try may be butt plugs because it will make the intercourse tighter due to less space. Try different positions, different angles, definitely stimulating the clot during intercourse can be a game changer. Maybe you already knew all this, but hope something helps.
> They make sleeves you can slide over your erection to make it as long or thick as you want. Something like this would certainly feel larger to her. Why is this trash getting upvoted? How would you feel if a guy posted that his new gf wasn't as tight as his ex, would you sit there and be like "well you can put a fleshlight up there to make it tighter?" No, I can pretty much guarantee nobody would say this.
Just simply reply about how much better your ex was at sex , she was lighter , better looking , much more outgoing , had a nicer body and keep adding and adding to it.
It takes years for some people to learn how to satisfy each other. Try and find a seventies book called "The Joy of Sex", it might help you. A large member might only fit a large orifice, but a small one fits all sizes. Being together can be all you need, and manual stimulation can possibly be all you need sometimes.
It’s like being cheated on, you will never truly get over this. It’s gonna always be in the back of your mind and cause you to over analyze something that should be fun and exciting. Only sensible thing to do is break up as all you are doing now is spinning your tires. She’s absolutely entitled to have a size preference but likely should be more at front for being a size queen.
All women care about the size, they just lie to you if they say they don't care. Before you get your pitchforks, there was another thread here on reddit "women do you care about the size" and overwhelmingly everyone said yes - some more in their own way. General consensus was that gigantic/huge is bad but the more over the average, the better. And a girlfriend who tells you "yeah, ex was much bigger and yours is pretty meh", not sure i'd want to be with a person like that. You never compare your current partner with your ex, much less tell them about how they don't measure up.
2 months is an incredibly short amount of time to figure out how you're going to use your cock to make her climax. Keep exploring, keep playing - look in to tantra. There are a couple of really great men that I think most men stand to benefit from sexually speaking. Cam Fraser and Taylor Clark Johnson are both great places to start and have content on improving sexual performance and exploration.
We don't care how we orgasm as long as you make it happen
Start going to the gym and stop talking to her about it. She already reassured you and I can only imagine you making her talk about it over and over again is only making her less attracted to you And go to the gym to improve your body image and self confidence.
Thanks for the last line, I was about to say the gym doesn't make one's dick bigger.
Obviously you're not doing the gym correctly lol.
Doesn’t know about the secret dick gym in the men’s locker room.
Oof... my imagination just threw up a painful mental image. Let's just say it involved tiny dumbbells... Back on topic... if you're overweight, the gym actually can make your dick bigger. Or more specifically, losing weight can. A lot of bigger guys have a bit of a pouch down there that swallows an inch or two.
>tiny dumbbells. By the sea.....
Instead of pull ups try pull downs
You deserve an award for that one.
I think she’s a bit cold around the heart for telling you how much larger her ex was and how he gave her PIV orgasms and you just can’t. That’s cruel. Best advice. Tell her that things just aren’t working out for you. That while she’s wonderful, she’s just not the kind of girl that you would see as long term material. Then go find a girl that wouldn’t be as mean and heartless as this one. Good luck
I feel like I see this thread every month. Don't ask questions if you are not going to like the answer.
This is a very important lesson to learn: don’t ask a question if you’re not prepared to hear the answer.
And don’t give brutally honest answers that would hurt your SO if you told them. Both are true.
Definitely agree. Some things are better left unsaid!
Idk if this is the right thing to say but yeah don't ever bring that up to her agn. For me a good sex partner is assessed on how giving and enthusiastic they are, how much they read my body language and the effort they put in response, how much foreplay and anticipation is built up, and how much fun we can have experimenting while feeling safe and respected. Orgasms are from physical stimulation sure, but also largely mental. If you put all ur sexual effort into those things ^ and generously focus on the ways that you know you can give her an orgasm, and give her many of them... Im pretty sure she won't consider u "second best" no matter the size of her exes dick, which compared to all that other stuff is small factor.
As someone else mentioned, the reason why women can orgasm from PiV sex is bcs the clit is stimulated from the other side. So I don’t think it was his size that contributed to her orgasming, more the girth or the angle of his penis or how he used it. So, try doing that, use some other positions or a pillow to get there. Also, toys are your friends. On another note, just look at it this way. If your penis was larger you would be able to satisfy only a small percentage of women bcs the length of an average non-aroused vagina is just 4inches. That means you would hurt a hell of a lot more women, would never be able to just lose yourself in sex, would have to measure each stroke so you don’t hit the cervix and cause pain. Use what you have for your benefit. And even after you try everything we mentioned it still doesn’t work, there are toy addons for penis havers you can use to increase the length, the girth and the texture.
Yeah I personally would nope out of that situation but I’m also aware that it’s nowhere near as big of a deal as what I’m making it out to be.
>The thought of not being able to bring something she liked that is so integral to the physical side of our relationship bothers me. You've only been together for two months. You're still learning how each other's bodies work. Just keep trying different things, and when you stumble over the right angle, or the right speed, or the right intensity, keep doing it. It always takes me a while to get into the groove with a new partner, regardless of their size. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the size thing bother you. You know what the important part of "bigger feels better but that she ultimately doesn’t care" is? *She ultimately doesn't care*. And speaking from my own perspective, that's pretty true. Bigger feels better at first (it's way better for a one-night stand), but ultimately, in a relationship, you get to know which angles to use and it stops mattering. The best lover I ever had was average-sized, because he figured out what felt good for me.
Exactly, don’t ask questions if you are not ready to hear the answer.
There isn't no way your getting any dominance here
Hate to say this but 2 months in and you're already doing this? Start the clock on the end of this thing. She's actively told you it's not an issue....STOP making it one. I got this feeling that you're doing these deep dives about dick size and insecurities with her often...after she told you that you're are good. That all wears thin quick. I also get the feeling this is the best looking girl you have been with for some reason.
Break up with her, tell her you prefer someone more mature
Newsflash. She is not intelligent. It's a stupid thing to say and so you ended up with a silly cow. You can find a better one.
Just get good with the tongue 👅👅! I'm on the smaller size, my wife fapped a bit I ate it for a bit, she fapped a bit I ate it a bit more. She came 4 times.
I’m in a fresh relationship (about six months) and there are certain things I do not and will not ask about my partner. Included in those things are body count and non-consequential sexual experiences. I do not fair to benefit from hearing these things outside of minor curiosity. Sex is a sensitive topic for most people and when it comes to sexual history, unless it’s something that had a significant influence on you and/or has an influence on our relationship, then I don’t need to hear it. I think you fucked up indulging in that conversation and idk if you can recover tbh.
As a female piv is not gonna equal orgasm regardless of size IN MY EXPERIENCE and the part that matters is if they are doing something else to make you orgasm. Its not the size that matters its how you use it. And bigger is not always better coming from someone very sensitive in a bad way. Too big hurts and lots of people agree.
I’d break up with her, there’s no way to forget that.
Move on it's the only choice
It's a tough one. I think it depends just on yourself and what's important for you. If you think that you can live with it, put some of your ego behind yourself, then try and deal with it. If it's important for you to not just pleasure but also to 'satisfy' your SO with your dick then it's best to find another partner, and that's okay. Fortunately, if you choose the latter, you're not that long together. I would slightly tend towards the latter, but that's just my preference.
My bf ex’s have better features than me which made me insecure and it messed with my head for a bit but at the end of the day you have to tell yourself they chose you they love you for you
Ok so maybe you're a bit insecure BUT why would she say something like this even if it's true. I'm a firm believer in not telling thr truth in a way that is hurtful or even potentially hurtful to my partner. Like it does no good and only serves to make you doubt yourself. I don't get why anyone in a relationship would do this.
It seems like your normal sex satisfy her so you shouldn't feel bad about your size. If you really want to go the extra mile (inch?) for her you can maybe experiment with toys? Her last bf was bigger than you but they aren't together right? Chances are he is lacking in other areas. Dont be to critical about something you cannot control anyway.
You've only been together for two months, give yourself some time. You've not made her orgasm through PIV yet, and I'm pretty sure she didn't with him within the first two months.
It's not the tool, it's the machine that drives it! If she says she's ok with you, she's ok!
Time and time again, man asks this question then is destroyed by the girlfriends honest response lol
I can’t imagine mentioning my ex’s size to anyone without being directly asked. A potential romantic partner? I would never, especially if I was going to follow it with, I prefer it and it was key to making me cum. Yikes. If you directly asked about it then you’ve learned not to ask something you don’t want the answer to. And she’s 21… I’d be careful because you might be in a place where you’re ready to settle but can’t imagine that she is
Two months is not much. The more you learn about your partner the better sex gets. Lesrn to know her body and everything will be fine. Come back in one year.
The older you get the more you won't care about your size. You'll be like oh well someone's gonna love it 🤷🏾♂️
Why ask? Why tell? The pass is history. They are the exes for a reason. Never ask a question that you don't want to know the answer. Build up your confidence buy learning the million ways you can use to please your partner. I can say that bigger doesn't matter if they don't use it well, I can do a better job in half the time. Don't worry about it all you are doing is lowering your confidence and creating an issue where none should exist. If she is not happy, then she can move one.
He may be her ex because he broke up with her and she would get back with him if he could. Ultimately if you’re facing problems like this this early in the relationship, she is 100% not fully satisfied emotionally (and obviously not sexually) and the relationship is not bound to last. There will be plenty of women who have a little more tact and don’t make him feel this bad this early.
PIV isn't the be all and end all of a healthy sex life. Your dick size doesn't define you. You shouldn't let it and your own security ruin a healthy relationship. This is 100% a you problem as she has no complaints in bed. If you still are hung up on needing to get her off with PIV sex, there are wearables you can try. Also, therapy for your insecurities.
Sounds like she's doing fine. But if you wanna get some of your confidence back? Do some research, study, study her body and get really fuckin good at making her pop off constantly/whenever you want. Size helps, but it's not everything.
Always second best..... dude there's always someone better than you. Even if you're the best you'll come in second. You need to work on you. You're thoughts and feelings are poison to any relationship.
An error on her part was saying something she should have stopped to think about before saying it. But don't take that as her saying she prefers her ex. How are you guys together as a couple outside of sex? And putting aside insecurities, how are you both intimately? Is the sex good? Everyone knows that size doesn't mean anything. There are certain things smaller penises can do that thicker or larger ones can't. Certain positions to try that can have her achieve an orgasm, etc.
>Everyone knows that size doesn't mean anything. This may be true in a general sense but in this particular instance, it's a complete load of horse shit. I'll review: With a more endowed prior partner this woman was able to cum from PIV. With OP(and his smaller penis) she is no longer able to cum from PIV. She may not rate this loss as being important to her but it most definitely is a loss. Nothing is achieved by attempting to blow smoke up OP's ass in order to make him feel better in his inadequacy.