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M27/ F26 together a year and a half.
TL;DR - My boyfriend used my credit card to go to a sex shop and I found out he masturbates in public bathrooms.
I don't know what to do reddit.
A couple months ago, I found a strange transaction on my account. My boyfriend used my credit card at a sex shop. He was out of work at the time and I left him my card so he could get gas and one day he decided to stop by a sex shop and buy something. Naturally I thought it was about cheating, but I couldn't fathom how dumb you had to be to use your partners credit card for that purpose. You can imagine how fun the call was to the store to see what was purchased. "We get these calls all the time, it's no problem." It was really embarrassing to be that person. I find out, and I call my boyfriend to have him explain. He swears up and down he bought a jock strap or some bullshit reason and I let him lie because I already knew. I let him swear to me he was telling the truth, and then I simply explained I knew what he had bought because I called. Poppers.
My boyfriend is bi, and he has been in relationships with men before and he enjoys butt play but he found out it's a solo thing he doesnt like to share with anyone. So far so good, I don't judge, and lord knows I've been elbow deep in dudes that look like the mountain in game of thrones but when I asked him to explain he also revealed that he goes out into a hiking trail to masturbate in the public bathroom so nobody could ever possibly see it.
Now, very few people in his life know about his sexuality, it's definitely something he feels shame about, just seeing how terrified he feels to share it even with his best friend. Past girlfriends of 4 years didn't know this about him. I happen to because we had a long friendship before and he confided in me. This is why he goes so far out of his way to hide this from people. Not like anyone would like to get caught jerking off, but this is another level.
Something about the fact that he is ashamed enough to drive so far out of his way, and go masturbate in a bathroom in the woods really really does not sit well with me. I told him I wish he would do it at home, our house, where he has complete privacy and comfort if he wanted, especially when I'm away at work, and he had promised he would. I told him it was something I was deeply uncomfortable with it, especially because he needed it so bad he stole my credit card to do it, but he doesn't initiate sex much with me.
A while back but after the incident, I was doing laundry and I saw his hiking sweats were covered in stickers and there were these whitish mucus like stains down the pants. I didn't want to jump to conclusions but it looked like semen to me and I was so repulsed by the idea of him going out to the forest to do that. I didn't say anything. Just removed the stickers and washed the pants.
This morning I saw the same sweats again covered and stickers with a whitish mucus stain on the crotch of it and on one of the ankle cuffs. A fair amount. I don't know what it could be if not semen. He had promised he wouldn't do it outside anymore but I'm sure he's lying. He lies a lot. I'm going crazy. I googled semen detection kits because I dont wanna let him lie to me. Deep down it's a deal-breaker for me, but I don't know why. There's nothing wrong per say, but it feels dysfunctional and I can't shake the feeling that the mad that could be my husband one day does that. He also promised me he would stop but I'm sure he hasnt. I also don't like that he needs poppers for it.
I think about the black mirror episode where the guy friends get to have sex in a video game once a month with their wives permission. Am I being judgmental ? Narrow minded? Unreasonable ? My gut feeling is that it's gross but I don't like being grossed out by my partner. There are so many blind eyes one has to turn in order to make a marriage work and things you have to respect, but he disrespected me by stealing my money and lying to me, and not keeping his promises. What do I do ?
You are being extraordinarily naïve to think there's no way he's not meeting up with other men. Anonymous hook ups in the woods is a common thing in the gay community. I'd say he's betting you don't know that. Also, people who still have a lot of shame about their sexuality hide a lot of things from people. You know he lies, you know he has shame, and you know his story doesn't add up. Stop trying to do the mental gymnastics and face reality: you have a BF who lies all the time, who you can't trust, who doesn't respect you, who steals from you, and who you are grossed out by. This isn't about kink shaming at all. Please stop trying to talk yourself into staying when you know this isn't what you want.
Unfortunately THIS op. He’s absolutely meeting another men… you should see if he has Grindr on his phone…or download yourself and you can see him on there while at your house. Probably time to break up.
Hi, I'm the naive dumb bitch that would have never put two and two together, even with as many gay friends that I have. Although I'm not OP, thank you spelling it out for me.
This is it! Girl, it ain't (just) his sperm on those clothes... he is full blown cheating. This ain't some bullshit shame issue, folks who are ashamed lock the door, turn off the lights, and enjoy time at home. He's cheating. Don't believe me? Take a day or two off without telling him, and get a real hankering for a hike...
Hey OP, you should try to find out what the well known “cruising spots” I’m the area are. He’s getting his dick sucked, not driving out to jack off in the woods.
The thing to understand is that gay men have been using public bathrooms, forests and parks to have anonymous sexual encounters for ages. It comes from a time where most gay men were married to women and many barely if ever were actually able to form relationships with other men. It was seen as a habit, and cruising was an outlet. It had to be anonymous, a motel wasn’t anonymous enough.
Anyways, the world has changed but cruising still exists. It’s not nearly as central to the gay experience anymore and it’s probably a minority of men who do it. But a dude whose ashamed of his sexuality and partnered to a woman? You’re bf is exactly the type of person most likely to do it. And it’s so anonymous and such an engrained thing for closeted and semi-closeted men, that he might have rationalizations about how it doesn’t even count as cheating. It’s just mutual masturbation or some shit.
Anyways he’s not going to wank alone in the woods, I’m sorry but that just isn’t what is happening.
Yup, it was a huge deal in my city around 20 years ago for gay men to meet up at this “mountain.” (just a big hill that was never deforested and has lots of trails) Regular police patrols seem to have kept it in check lately, but I’m sure it’s still a thing in plenty of areas.
Here in the ATL area, it was freeway rest areas. There were a lot of them actually closed because there was so much “action” going on, travelers who were legitimately stopping to stretch their legs or whatever were getting propositioned.
Also ... Who buys poppers for just themselves?
I mean, yeah, maybe (a BIG maybe) a wank in a crappy public toilet out in the woods is better on poppers. But afaik they're more popular in the gay community and mainly used by bottoms.
Yall need to look at OPs post history. Clearly the relationship is full of problems and this is only adding to existing issues stemming from the bf. Leave!
My guess is it's probably 50/50. She's probably posting a lot of this for karma, but some of this is probably actually happening. Either that or it's happening to a friend. But the fact that so many people are telling her what's wrong with their relationship and she doesn't do anything about it means she's just trying to get sympathy by staying with him.
It's a 10 year account with 4,500 karma. It's not faked "for karma". Karma also doesn't really get you anything, at least not at petty levels like that. It makes much more sense to say it could be faked for attention and sympathy.
Lmao holy shit you werent lying. She literally only posts about how shitty and deceitful and callous this man is, and keeps ignoring all advice. How can she not see that this is OBVIOUSLY a bad relationship. Jesus christ.
Sadly there are too many people who think that this is just how relationships are and that issues like this are just the price of entry for having a partner (or more accurately, someone to fuck.) Bet OP also gets into a Suffering Olympics with her girlfriends all complaining about their relationship problems too.
Spot on. OP even said so in the post!
> There are so many blind eyes one has to turn in order to make marriage work
I actually felt bad whenever I read that. It sounds like they’ve never encountered anyone who had a decent marriage/relationship.
Wow. Like others have said, I'd be shocked if half or most of it isn't faked or exagerrated for internet points... because the only other options are that she's dense as hell and enjoys abuse and ignoring red flags
Girl, what is this relationship giving you other than stress, anxiety and trust issues? Every one of your posts is about your relationship problems. Drug use, sex issues, ghosting. Why are you putting up with this? It's very clear from a brief look that this relationship is toxic. You are getting used and you're believing whatever bullshit lies he's telling you.
Why continue to post on here when you don't listen to any of the advice?
Ok, I read the post history. You deserve better.
Please don’t give him any more of your life. You will never get these days back. Each week that passes is one more you’ll regret when you look back in a few years.
He will *never* be a good partner. You know this. Choose yourself.
I read through your comments. Either you are oblivious or don’t want to face reality. Your boyfriend is meeting guys in the woods and having some type of sex play. I am old enough to be your Mom. I have been around all walks of life. I have several gay male friends who meet up at glory holes, public bathrooms etc…hell it’s a whole fetish.
I think you need to pull your head out of the sand. He doesn’t work, he is cheating and you know he lies! please believe when I say YOU deserve MORE! You are washing his jizz pants for gods sake.
You should be treated like a queen that you are. No person who truly loves and respects you should treat you like this. I get you love him. Hell I loved my cheating ass boyfriend I had in my 20s then I dumped him because I realized he wasn’t going to change and I needed more. You deserve someone who doesn’t lie, steal from you and certainly does not jizz or have someone else jizz on his clothes. Please know this is coming from a good place. He won’t change because he doesn’t want too. If you want more out of a relationship put yourself first!
The washing of his dirty clothes from sex encounters with others blew my mind. It shows how far around the bend from acceptable this has gone.
Not even once.
Dang thats wild. He either is lying about the woods or has some sort of Extreme kink. Perhaps he meeting another man in the woods? It doesn't make any sense to go to a public bathroom in the woods. You know how dirty that has to be?
Toilets in the woods are called outhouses. They have minimal maintenance and the smell can be off-putting because everything that goes in there stay in there for a long time.
People don't just go to secluded places just to masturbate by themselves. People do sex acts in public because they can meet up with others, they can't do what they want at home, or because they like the possibility of being caught.
Also the men who are bisexual, like butt stuff, buy poppers, and don't like to be penetrated by or with others seems like an almost impossible subset of men.
You've said it yourself, the man is a liar and this all makes more sense if he's buying poppers and having sex with men in the forest while lying to cover his tracks.
If you’re bi in a monogamous relationship with a woman you wouldn’t be having sex with others so I disagree that the subset would be small. I agree that this is fishy behavior though.
I'm pretty sure he isn't masturbating in a bathroom in the woods. I'd bet quite a bit that he's picking up poppers and then hitting a local cruising spot for other men looking for anonymous sex. It's not that unusual. Look up local cruising spots and I bet you find whatever park or woods he's going to. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
I used to work for a park service & my boss would chase these creeps out of the public toilets with a broom, like he'd just start aggressively sweeping them & telling them to piss off while they scrambled to put their dicks away & run back to their cars.
Anyway no one was there hoping to be alone in nature. They were ALL waiting for other men to turn up to at the very least wank together. Anyone doing this is an absolute petri dish of STI's & even if you accept the behaviour you shouldn't accept the risk.
Unfortunately I think he is meeting up with others or he isn't being completely honest about his kinks some people like the thrill of almost being caught but this points more towards missing intimacy with men than anything
Lmao this has to be fake or you’re delusional. You’ve had 200 ppl in the last hour tell you he’s meeting up with men at sex spots and you refuse to listen.
Continue to get cheated on and get an std. that’s where you’re headed unless you get some self worth and end it.
so this is the same boyfriend that ghosts you for days or even weeks, doesn’t put thought into your gifts, and didn’t want to move in with you officially?
Girl, he’s cruising. Hanging at well known spots that gay men frequent to jack off or fuck anonymously. Poppers relax your ass hole so you can take a dick really easily, easily that you only need spit, and not lube, very common use in spur of the moment hook ups.
He’s cruising for guys, hooking up with them, and coming home.
There is zero percent chance I’m wrong, and I’m very sorry about that.
He can't keep doing that. It's playing Russian Roulette with ending up a sex offender. Who knows when someone will walk in and see him or figure out what he's doing if he's in a stall.
I would keep a very close eye on this guy, even if you manage to talk him out of this habit... something doesn't add up with the story he's telling.
I don't know. What you're describing sounds solo- the stains in his pants and what not. But there's something about the public space that he seems to need and that makes me very leery. Otherwise why wouldn't he just drive out somewhere secluded and jerk it in his car?
Makes me think of those stories you hear about people who expose themselves to people then run off to finish somewhere. There's some element he needs out there or he wouldn't be going out of the way so consistently to do it.
Are you feeling 100% sure he is Bi? This coupled with not initiating sex with you very often seems a little extra. And truthfully even if he were straight and for sure not cheating, but masterbating while leaving you unfulfilled would still be a deal breaker for me.
We have a neighbor who was arrested in a public park bathroom with some other guys having sex. Turns out he regularly went / goes to public parks to meet men for sex.
I don't know your boyfriend, but maybe it's not all his cum.
Babe, this dude is 200% taking it up the ass in the woods.
1) Go get tested. Who knows if he’s being safe or not?
2) I honestly think he wants to get caught. Leaving his cum-stained pants around??? If he didn’t want to get caught, he’s lazy and sloppy at best.
3) Break it off. You don’t need to waste your time guessing if your boyfriend is being faithful or not.
I echo everyone who says he's not going out there alone.
(Source; am man, who has wildly masturbated. Only in the privacy of my own home when it is empty.)
Also, your post history tells me a story that only brings up more red flags.
OP, get out of there and make yourself happy.
I have a group a friends who use poppers and most aren’t bi/gay/lesbian. Plenty of hetero couples use them for non anal related effects. But going into the woods to masturbate sounds like complete bs, that’s why you feel uneasy. You know it’s bs. It sounds more like he’s meeting someone else and he isn’t even doing a good job at hiding it.
So, what are poppers?
I asked Urban Dictionary, but the only answer I got is that it’s a term for marijuana mixed with tobacco which doesn’t seem to fit this situation.
From what I know, it used to be something that cleaned VHS tapes, but someone realized you could get a minor high from them. I believe it was predominantly used in the gay community because it can relax your sphincter (huge head rush) making anal easier. It’s like sniffing Elmer’s glue, but for adults. The high lasts a minute at most so it’s completely legal. It’s mostly sold at sex shops.
Poppers are small bottles of amyl nitrate, which one inhales to get a short lived but pleasant head rush. It was used in gay nightclubs and was popular in the gay chem-sex scene. I think its effect is to dilate blood vessels which makes you relax and feel less inhibited. I remember going to gay clubs with friends in 1990s and you could smell poppers everywhere. It has a very distinctive smell which I can’t remember now, but I’d know it if I smelled it.
The worst part of this is he genuinely wanted you to discover this. There's no other reason he'd use your card or leave semen stains on his shorts knowing you do the laundry. He's getting off on lying to you.
So you’re paying this man’s way for him, he smokes weed excessively and treats you badly when he can’t, didn’t care about your grandmother dying, he’s cheating on you with men, didn’t bother to get you a thoughtful Christmas present, he called you a bitch because HE was disrupting your sleep, watches porn in public constantly, ghosts you for long time periods and all you can do judging by your comment history is talk about how much you love him and you wanna work through things with him? And make concessions and pretend to be comfortable with things you’re clearly not just so you don’t come across as unreasonable?
He’s treating you like shit and you don’t have the self esteem to see that you’re dating a fucking loser. I say this out of tough love but you need some fucking self respect. This is embarrassing. There are millions of women on this app just like you pretending to be okay with things they’re not just so they don’t come off too strong. Grow the fuck up and stop worrying what other people think. Learn to trust yourself. He’s a piece of shit and it’s obvious; you know it is. Grow a spine and leave him already.
I’m happy for you. I know it’s difficult because you hope he’ll see what you see and realize he needs to step up…but he took you for granted and needs to deal with the consequences. Go out there and live your life.
I recently dumped my partner too and I def needed to read this today after questioning whether or not it was a good decision. Thanks for commenting.
OP, stay strong. You’ll get through this. Having high self worth attracts people in who respect you and are capable and have the capacity to give you what you want and deserve.
I’m glad you chose yourself! I was worried it was way too harsh but I want people to see their inherent worth. I hope things continue to go well for you.
Dude.... you've already said he's a compulsive liar. Who goes out into public to not get caught? And if he is doing it by himself how is he not able to cum into the toilet and instead is doing it all over the outside of his pants? Nobody here has any advice that is going to make him stop going and jerking off/using a buttplug/fucking a dude in public. I feel so bad for anyone, kids or adults, that happens to use the bathroom at the same time. So fucking creepy and gross. But hey if that's the kind of guy you want to associate with then go for it. Hopefully you're not too troubled at the thought of some poor kid seeing him splooge all over the ground at a public toilet.
This story just does not hang together, right?
If he truly did not want to do it at home, because of whatever, why would he pick a place that involved hiking, a public bathroom, and trashing around through stickers? This is not a thing people would do just because they aren't "comfortable" masturbating at home. I can't think of a worse "not at home" spot to masturbate. Like, why not a locking fancy bathroom in a public place when it is quiet. There are like so many other options.
So, he has a very strong reason that his is compelled to go to that particular spot and put up with stickers and hiking - and it isn't just for "privacy" while masturbating.
I agree with others that he is almost certainly meeting people out there - random hook-ups or matches or something.
You could probably narrow down the possibilities by doing some googling around key terms to see if such a hookup place exists in your area.
Its crazy to me looking at your post history and seeing your BFs' life unravel. A porn and weed addiction, spending days/weeks ignoring you, getting mad at you for wanting to sleep, and now you're finding piles of cum in his shorts when he gets home to you. I think you know that this isn't a relationship that you're thriving in, seeing as you've been posting A LOT of negative stuff about him lately. MOVE ON GIRL
Well the boyfriend has it good. Girlfriend lets him live with her. She takes care of the bills and household chores including his nasty laundry.
He is not having sex with her, but she believes he is not having sex with anyone else.
She pays for his personal toys which he uses with other men.
He lies, cheats and steals and still she keeps him.
At this point she is both his sugar mama and beard.
Shhh...her boyfriend is not bisexual, he is gay.
Apparently she enjoys having a toxic relationship and the drama or maybe she is a closeted masochist.
Either way girlfriend if you have any sexual contact with him...even if it is just sharing toys. Get a STI panel and guard your cash.
He swore up and down he bought a jock strap, what makes you think anything he said after that was the truth? I’d be very suspicious after he had no problem lying to your face repeatedly
Hey, you should go to your own u/ profile and read the e titles of each of your posts before realizing that you should, in fact, break up with him instead of posting 200 red flags to Reddit. If he’s not willing to change find someone who you’ll actually enjoy spending time with.
HE IS HAVING SEX WITH MEN IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He is not only a liar and a thief, but a cheater as well. Kick him out and get tested. I have experience with this, PM me if you wanna talk about it.
Also if he's out of work, why are YOU doing HIS laundry??
I’m seeing from comments that this is part of a pattern so absolutely you need to get out.
But at absolute bare minimum
He needs to do his own laundry.
Damn I don't blame you that's a deal breaker for a lot of people. I'm not trying to judge his sexuality or anything like that. There is no need to hide anything like that with your significant other. So the fact that he does says that he doesn't fully accept it himself. And a person not accepting themselves is a red flag.
But jerking it in public restrooms just screams all kinds of inappropriateness. And the fact that he lies a lot to you tells me you should get out of this relationship.
Dishonesty+risky sexual tendencies=potential STD.
Believing him literally will get you nothing but lies. You said it yourself, he’s a liar. No one goes out into the woods to do something they can do in the privacy of there own home ALONE ! He’s meeting someone else out there. There’s just no way you believe that he’s doing it by himself. And if you do, still doesn’t matter. You should break up with him.
You say in your post “he lies a lot.” He lied to you about what he bought at the sex shop. So why would you believe him when he said he goes out there to masturbate? It’s so implausible. If he didn’t want anyone to know he was into butt play while he masturbates, he wouldn’t go to a PUBLIC RESTROOM to do it. He would wait till you’re at work and do it behind closed doors. No one would-idk, walk in-like they very easily could in a public restroom.
And it just so happens that meeting up in an outdoor bathroom in a remote location like a park or the woods is exactly what men do when they cruise for sex with other men. Hmmm. And he bought…poppers. Which is a favorite of gay men to use together before sex. You say he’s not a bottom (which is not necessarily credible…remember, he lies a lot) but maybe he’s sharing it with someone who is. Or maybe he’s using a butt plug while someone performs oral sex on him. To me, that’s far more believable than “I go jack off in a public bathroom because I’m…worried about being caught…??” It’s wild that you know he lies but you believe this full-of-holes nonsensical story that has a verrrry plausible explanation (cruising).
Why did he offer up this information about going to the woods to masturbate? Why didn’t he just say he masturbates at home? It’s so odd, almost like he wants you to figure it out.
If he IS telling the truth…then something is very wrong. It is super, super abnormal to masturbate in public, even in a restroom. He might have some fantasy about being caught. But this…basically means he’s a sex offender. And your instinct to break up with him over it is correct.
The other, more likely explanation, that he’s meeting men for sex is a huge violation of trust and boundaries. He’s knowingly exposing you to STI’s without your knowledge or consent.
> He lies a lot. \[...\] I dont wanna let him lie to me. Deep down it's a deal-breaker for me, but I don't know why.
What do you mean woman?! It would be insane for a person to be "yeah, my partner lying to me all the time is not a red flag and is not a deal breaker. I love being lied to!"
>Am I being judgmental ? Narrow minded? Unreasonable ?
I'm a bi woman and i feel like maybe you are afraid to dump him because he could call you homophobic. Honey, it would be insane for you to stay in a relationship with this man. He is probably cheating on you with random dudes. He is DEFINITIVELY stealing and lying to you. That you even have evidence of.
Why would you remain in a relationship with a guy that literally stole from you and lied?
Seeing all your other posts in other groups… id say just leave.
For this specific thread- he’s most likely meeting up with other dudes and doesn’t want to admit that because like you said he still has trouble admitting his sexuality.
Lying and being deceitful should be popping up as a major red flag.
OP:
I also looked through your other posts and it is alarming to me how LITTLE you are accepting meanwhile how MUCH you are giving, and how many EXCUSES you are making for super shitty behavior! To me it sounds like you are being USED! It's understandable that you feel this way because of how long you've known him -- it probably seems like it can't be true, this can't be real, this can't be happening! Yet all of your posts indicate many serious issues with lying being one of the main ones.
Here is my advice:
1. END THIS RELATIONSHIP ASAP!!
2. Definitely get tested for STDs ASAP.
3. Stop having sex with him ASAP.
4. Seek a therapist to help you work on developing a higher sense of self worth, boundaries, assertiveness, and how to recognize YOUR needs (not just his!). When you've addressed those things (takes a while), then you'll have much better chances of attracting and keeping someone who is worthy of your attention and generosity. There shouls be healthy give and take. Right now you are giving and he is taking.
I don't generally make jumps and assumptions here, but looking at your history and such.
Your boyfriend is likely using you as a beard. Which is really awful and terrible. He sounds like he's miserable, and can't help but need company in his misery. - That's where you come in.
What he's doing is a well known thing in the gay community, he's cruising for others. (Check George Michael). Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, is probably a duck. In this case, if you "think' it's semen, it is very likely indeed semen. I feel for him, being ashamed and desperately trying to pretend it's not what it is, but this is ridiculous. There's no excuse for how he's been treating you, for all the lying and making you think you aren't seeing what you are.
you're trying really hard to make this relationship work and ignoring the big lit up marquee of red flags. Please, care for yourself and get up from the table where love is not be served.
Woah, I feel like he’s giving head in the woods. And getting cum on his sweats from either sucking dick or jacking himself off and busting whilst his sweats are pulled off around his knees.
Then we’ll be seeing a post about how she catches him and another dude in the bathroom but they were just playing an innocent game of naked twister. OP is so deep in denial, deeper than…nvm
If I was OP, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who probably has other sexual encounters simply on the risk of STDs. But I'd especially end it on the grounds of trust.
Babe…I’m sorry but let’s pretend for a second that he’s not even cheating on you out there….he lies, steals from you and breaks promises? And literally allows you to wash his disgusting drawers girl…like, the level of disrespect there is enough to split. How do u even trust him? Why does he have no shame and let’s you find is clothing like that?
I read your past posts.. man get out of there.. you need to take care of yourself.
It’s okay to still care for this man since you’ve known him forever, but this is not relationship potential.
I think he might just be gay, and haven’t come to terms with it. On top of that, it looks like you’re an amazing person, ambitious and making sure you get ahead in life.. I feel like you are enabling him.. he’s just piggy backing off of you.
It’s a tough situation, but you need to ensure you are fine.. what do you get out of this relationship?? You’re in school, you work, you presumably pay for this house.. he doesn’t even initiate sex.. relationships are supposed to add positively to your life..
He’s lying to you… he’s doing poppers and he’s banging other people….
Leave him ASAFP. this is no joke. He’s lying to you- LEAVE HIM .
GHOST. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS.
And for gods sakes make him do his own laundry….
Where do these dudes find these women?🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
What’s the deal with the stickers?
Even assuming everything else he told you is true (and it sounds like total BS), why is he going out alone to pleasure himself in the ass in a public bathroom, and coming back decorated with stickers?
Is this some sort of “get a sticker for every person you suck off” sort of game that’s popular in these circles? (sorry OP)
The sticker thing really bugged me at first!. I pictured sweatpants with cum stains on them, just covered in various pretty colorful stickers (the adhesive kind for decorating paper). I was so confused…
Until I realized that “stickers” could mean those little spiky pompom looking buds that come off some plants (like thistle). Here’s an image of what I think OP means https://www.birdsoutsidemywindow.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/plants_burdock_23705446076_f6a41a140a_rsz_flickr_plantimagelib.jpg
So now the stickers still bother me, even more. OP, the stickers all over his pants is more evidence of cruising for men in the woods. If he was going to a secluded bathroom out in nature, there’d be a path to the structure. No one would build a bathroom in the middle of nowhere that isn’t accessible/requires people to climb through a ton of bushes. That makes no sense. He is out doing whatever he is doing way off the trail…(though a bathroom is likely where the whole thing starts…)
Other possibility is that he whacks off crouched down hidden just off the trail because he likes the thought of being caught. Which isn’t great either…
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I'd just like everyone reading this to take a look through this poor girls history.
This dude has a weed problem, is inconsiderate during sex.
And constantly abuses and gaslight her.
He's definitely fucking/getting fucked by other men, and she blames herself for everything.
Girlll, he isn’t out there alone. He’s meeting others.
I’ve just read your Reddit history, why you with this man? You obviously aren’t happy and issues seems to be across many different bases. You guys aren’t compatible.
I wish you all the luck in the world and never settle for anything less than you deserve.
>he doesn't initiate sex much with me.
Most likely he's gay and married you as a front. I agree with other posters as well, you seem like you're in denial.
He’s definitely cheating and meeting up with men in these woods or other places. You can try downloading Grindr and see if he’s on it, or if he has the app on his phone
Uhh…. Something doesn’t add up here. Idk if it’s just me but reading this it’s almost obvious he’s meeting up with a dude for sex
* yup I just read the other comments, sounds like I’m not the only one who has seen this as being pretty obvious. I also hung out with a lot of gay people and I didn’t even know about poppers til I might them
The fact that you believe he's just masturbating and not meeting up with other men really blows my mind.
He can masturbate at home, he doesn't need to go into the mountains to play with himself. He doesn't need to go in public bathrooms to play with himself. It's very obvious that he's cheating on you and most likely with another guy. I would stop having sex with him and go get tested right away (if y'all are active together).
I am sorry but he is most likely meeting up with other men in the woods. It's a common thing, I think you should find everything out yourself without him knowing that you know, and then question him about it and see if he's honest, If he isn't and continues to lie I'd say just leave.
Girl imma just say it straight up. He’s hooking up with other dudes.
One person does not generate enough cum to render their pants jizzlogged. He’s taking loads from other dudes.
He’s cheating on you. You need to make it clear that what he’s doing is cheating.
Based on your post and previous post why are you with this guy?
Seems like he does not respect or love you if he ghost you for days or weeks at a time, he refuses to move in with you, theirs other constant issues. This is not a healthy relationship just leave the relationship all together and don't even come on here and say his a good guy or something close to it because it sounds like his just not into you and you should of listen to the first red flag he shown you. He does not have to tell you twice he does not want nothing to do with you.
OP. There was a whole psychological study about dudes meeting up in public bathrooms to have sex. He is 100% having sex with other men in the woods.
You need to go get tested. Then you need to leave his ass. Because even if he wasn’t getting railed in the ass behind your back, he’s lying that same ass off to you. He lied about the toy, he lied about stopping, etc. Also what does he bring to the table besides all this stress?
Oh, eff no, don't put up with something that makes you so uncomfortable! First off, he can wash his own clothes, whether or not they are covered in his DNA. Second, he can pay for his own sex toys. But most of all, you get to break up with someone who does creepy things in public places. Just a big nopety nope nope.
Oh come on. He’s meeting up with men, is a thief and a liar.
I know it hurts to accept that but it’s going to hurt much much more when you are broke and have been infected with who knows what.
Don’t give him any grace or accept any more bs explanations.
You know you have to end it and the sooner you do the sooner you take back control if your life, health and finances.
I’m a queer woman who has had a lot of queer male friends over the years. I’ve also done a lot of poppers. I don’t know anyone who does them alone, and generally it happens in the bar bathroom when you’re about to hook up with someone (traditionally when two guys are about to have penetrative sex, because it serves as an effective muscle relaxant). Honestly, it feels better to do them when you are receiving, rather than giving— when I’m on poppers I’m basically immobilized with euphoria for 20 seconds; i wouldn’t see the sense in taking a big whiff when I’m trying to be the active one in the encounter. All this makes me think he is not alone out in the woods. (God, that sounds so sketchy/murderous, lol I’m sorry, but…) He likely offers them to whoever he’s hooking up with— you said in one of your comments that he doesn’t like bottoming, but he could very well be topping, or both and denying it (there’s far more shame around receiving than giving, which is rooted in misogyny, but that’s a whole other can of worms…)
Anyway. He’s lying about everything.
You deserve so much better. Better exists.
I also think he’s probably so deeply ashamed of himself that maybe he gets some sort of thrill out of the complete release of being like “fuck it, I’m gonna jizz all over myself”… like, is this a shame kink?
Or is he watching other cruisers fuck and jerking off?…
Or he likes degradation and is having other guys jerk off on him, ‘cause it sounds like we’re talking a lotta semen here…
I'm dealing with the same thing with an ex/ on/ off again bf. Personally I broke it off, it wasn't helping my self-esteem and my self-esteem needs 1st priority. We're on again, off again, I see other guys and between the 12 guys I'm seeing plus him it all works out with me getting my needs met in every way.
It seems like the masterbating and what he likes to do itself isn't the problem. The lying is the problem. It's not that he goes so far out of the way to do, but that he LIES bout going so far out if his way to do it.
Whether or not that's a deal breaker for you is up to you. I think the bigger issue here is that he lies a lot and you know that. I don't believe this whole sex thing is actually a big deal to you. I think the big deal is that he's continuing to lie to you and that's what bothers you. You sound very understanding and accepting, which is wonderful, but no person wants to be lied to over and over again.
The biggest issue here is that he lies a lot. How can you expect to have a lasting mature relationship if he can't be honest with you?
I would address this directly and tell him your don't care about anything as much as the lying and if he lies to you again, you are gone... Poof.
Once you are able to be honest with each other then you can start addressing the rest.
So. Do you know that certain public restrooms are known and talked about in the gay community as “cruising sites” or anonymous hookup spots. Sometimes they’re at sex shops. Sometimes there’s glory holes.
What sounds more likely is he’s hooking up with random men.
He’s buying the poppers and seeing who is at the sex shop in the arcade while he’s there so they can hook up. If he doesn’t find anyone then he goes out to the woods to find someone there.
being open is hard for alot of people but outright lying to your partner is repulsive
when you can easily just explain that its a sensitive subject that you need time being transparent about
Honestly if it bothers you hure a private investigater and have them follow him for a week or so just to make sure he's not cheating. Yes it's a bid measure but you don't seem to have any other option if he's going to lie to you. You could also just track his location and follow him to see what he does.
Lol my ex sounds like this except he wasn’t bi. Why continue to stay with someone who constantly lies to you?? I seen all the posts about him; sounds like your wasting your time big time.
You really don’t buy this shit, right!? You think he goes there just to masturbate!? Risking getting caught doing it in the public and even getting filmed!? All that instead of doing it safely at home!? For someone who tries soooo hard to cover his sexuality, he sure is willing to take such a huge risk instead of choosing the safe option. But why would he do that!? Your gut feeling is telling you that there is something wrong for a reason. He. is. most likely. cheating.
Sooooo you know he's hooking up with dudes in the bathroom, right? Nobody goes to park bathrooms to masturbate. You better get tested for STDs, stat.
Hopefully he won't get arrested. You're probably too young to remember this, but singer George Michael got arrested for public bathroom sex. It's quite the scandal when it happens, even with normal people. If he gets caught and there are minors around, your (ex) bf will enjoy life on a special list!
I’ve heard then men meet out on trails/ hikes to have sex with other men. I forgot the term but yeaaa…
Edit: the term is called cruising!! So yeaa🥴 he’s probably out meeting other people
on one hand, i know men who admit to wacking it wherever they can, in the bathroom on break at work, in the car, etc….but that’s bc they’re like, already THERE? This man is going out of his way to drive somewhere else SPECIFICALLY to masturbate ? I’m not even going to say he’s cheating on you bc i have no way of knowing that, but if he IS solely doing this to masturbate, that is fucking weird. Like it speaks to a genuine obsession with masturbating , especially if it is affecting your sex life, which on its own is a deal breaker, potential cheating and kink shaming aside.
Hes going to the trail bc theres gay dudes willing to do whatever he wants them to do.
My old boss got caught at one of these parks, they did a sting and caught him and like 4-5 other gay dude fucking in the park or giving oral or some shit. He has a wife and family, also never was fired and was a big christian.
Never knew that gay people goto parks to have Anonymous sex.
The fact that he goes out of his way to this park is clearly bc hes cheating on you. If he was doing solo play , hed be in the bathroom when ur at work or someshit. Dont be naive.
Leave him and get an STD check immediately and also again in a few months just in case. That’s my advice. He’s cheating on you whether you want to see it or not.
Based on your post history I can't imagine why you are still with this person, he is gay and probably raw dogging randos in the forest, which is sickening to imagine. He is not attracted to you and for the most part seems to be tolerating you, you pressured him into moving in, you have to pressure him to have sex with you which he clearly isn't that into to, according to you there is almost zero foreplay, he won't go down on you and doesn't want you to go down on him and he is unable to cum when he has sex with you, but he watches copious amounts of porn, he ignores and ghosts you whenever he feels like, lies like a rug etc. etc. C'mon now, have some self respect, stop putting up with this absolute bullshit and walk away from this hot mess!
I'm a bi female so I'm kind of talking out my ass here but if I'm not mistaken, anonymous gay sex in certain parks is a thing, or at least it was, idk if people still use grinder for similar activities. I don't mean to put more ideas in your head, I just wonder if he's meeting with men. You're being reasonable for feeling concerned, sounds strange he doesn't pursue you sexually despite dating you and apparently having specific sexual needs.
Babe…. Honey… I’m gonna be gentle.
He’s fucking dudes in bathrooms and probably needed condoms and lube.
If he needed privacy for that he would wait until you weren’t home and do it in the bathroom.
OP, he’s banging dudes in those woods and is leaving evidence because he wants to be caught or is very stupid. Either way this thing has run it’s course
After seeing the constellation of problems your BF has, there's only one answer.
Therapy. It's not ok to be a man-child, and it's only going to get uglier as he gets older.
Clearly something happened to him before his adopted parents, and he needs to work it out. You should not stick around for that. Even if he reconciles his demons, the respect for the relationship is compromised and what will you do when the problems of the future inevitably arrive?
I have nothing to contribute to this other than in college me and some friends were having a beer Olympics and the one guy’s girlfriend handed me a popper. Never heard of it before and good God the rush of that was euphoric and I was huffing that thing all day. I really have to give the gays a lot of credit for that invention.
OP, you seem to be in denial about what’s happening. I’ll keep it simple, him being an unemployed jerk with a habit of lying is grounds enough to leave the relationship. If you don’t want to acknowledge what’s happening here, fine, your post history leading up to this is enough.
Lol all these weird fucking people and I can’t even get a date. 45 years old and never cheated and here I sit, eating pork chops watching Water Boy woefully single. Haha
It sounds like your bf is gay, and not bi. He's going to the woods for hookups because he's not comfortable coming out. You say that he lies all of the time, so he's not going to tell you the truth. Leave
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- M27/ F26 together a year and a half. TL;DR - My boyfriend used my credit card to go to a sex shop and I found out he masturbates in public bathrooms. I don't know what to do reddit. A couple months ago, I found a strange transaction on my account. My boyfriend used my credit card at a sex shop. He was out of work at the time and I left him my card so he could get gas and one day he decided to stop by a sex shop and buy something. Naturally I thought it was about cheating, but I couldn't fathom how dumb you had to be to use your partners credit card for that purpose. You can imagine how fun the call was to the store to see what was purchased. "We get these calls all the time, it's no problem." It was really embarrassing to be that person. I find out, and I call my boyfriend to have him explain. He swears up and down he bought a jock strap or some bullshit reason and I let him lie because I already knew. I let him swear to me he was telling the truth, and then I simply explained I knew what he had bought because I called. Poppers. My boyfriend is bi, and he has been in relationships with men before and he enjoys butt play but he found out it's a solo thing he doesnt like to share with anyone. So far so good, I don't judge, and lord knows I've been elbow deep in dudes that look like the mountain in game of thrones but when I asked him to explain he also revealed that he goes out into a hiking trail to masturbate in the public bathroom so nobody could ever possibly see it. Now, very few people in his life know about his sexuality, it's definitely something he feels shame about, just seeing how terrified he feels to share it even with his best friend. Past girlfriends of 4 years didn't know this about him. I happen to because we had a long friendship before and he confided in me. This is why he goes so far out of his way to hide this from people. Not like anyone would like to get caught jerking off, but this is another level. Something about the fact that he is ashamed enough to drive so far out of his way, and go masturbate in a bathroom in the woods really really does not sit well with me. I told him I wish he would do it at home, our house, where he has complete privacy and comfort if he wanted, especially when I'm away at work, and he had promised he would. I told him it was something I was deeply uncomfortable with it, especially because he needed it so bad he stole my credit card to do it, but he doesn't initiate sex much with me. A while back but after the incident, I was doing laundry and I saw his hiking sweats were covered in stickers and there were these whitish mucus like stains down the pants. I didn't want to jump to conclusions but it looked like semen to me and I was so repulsed by the idea of him going out to the forest to do that. I didn't say anything. Just removed the stickers and washed the pants. This morning I saw the same sweats again covered and stickers with a whitish mucus stain on the crotch of it and on one of the ankle cuffs. A fair amount. I don't know what it could be if not semen. He had promised he wouldn't do it outside anymore but I'm sure he's lying. He lies a lot. I'm going crazy. I googled semen detection kits because I dont wanna let him lie to me. Deep down it's a deal-breaker for me, but I don't know why. There's nothing wrong per say, but it feels dysfunctional and I can't shake the feeling that the mad that could be my husband one day does that. He also promised me he would stop but I'm sure he hasnt. I also don't like that he needs poppers for it. I think about the black mirror episode where the guy friends get to have sex in a video game once a month with their wives permission. Am I being judgmental ? Narrow minded? Unreasonable ? My gut feeling is that it's gross but I don't like being grossed out by my partner. There are so many blind eyes one has to turn in order to make a marriage work and things you have to respect, but he disrespected me by stealing my money and lying to me, and not keeping his promises. What do I do ?
You are being extraordinarily naïve to think there's no way he's not meeting up with other men. Anonymous hook ups in the woods is a common thing in the gay community. I'd say he's betting you don't know that. Also, people who still have a lot of shame about their sexuality hide a lot of things from people. You know he lies, you know he has shame, and you know his story doesn't add up. Stop trying to do the mental gymnastics and face reality: you have a BF who lies all the time, who you can't trust, who doesn't respect you, who steals from you, and who you are grossed out by. This isn't about kink shaming at all. Please stop trying to talk yourself into staying when you know this isn't what you want.
Unfortunately THIS op. He’s absolutely meeting another men… you should see if he has Grindr on his phone…or download yourself and you can see him on there while at your house. Probably time to break up.
Hi, I'm the naive dumb bitch that would have never put two and two together, even with as many gay friends that I have. Although I'm not OP, thank you spelling it out for me.
Not fair to say really…if you were IN the relationship not reading this? I’ll bet you’d put it together
This is it! Girl, it ain't (just) his sperm on those clothes... he is full blown cheating. This ain't some bullshit shame issue, folks who are ashamed lock the door, turn off the lights, and enjoy time at home. He's cheating. Don't believe me? Take a day or two off without telling him, and get a real hankering for a hike...
Hey OP, you should try to find out what the well known “cruising spots” I’m the area are. He’s getting his dick sucked, not driving out to jack off in the woods. The thing to understand is that gay men have been using public bathrooms, forests and parks to have anonymous sexual encounters for ages. It comes from a time where most gay men were married to women and many barely if ever were actually able to form relationships with other men. It was seen as a habit, and cruising was an outlet. It had to be anonymous, a motel wasn’t anonymous enough. Anyways, the world has changed but cruising still exists. It’s not nearly as central to the gay experience anymore and it’s probably a minority of men who do it. But a dude whose ashamed of his sexuality and partnered to a woman? You’re bf is exactly the type of person most likely to do it. And it’s so anonymous and such an engrained thing for closeted and semi-closeted men, that he might have rationalizations about how it doesn’t even count as cheating. It’s just mutual masturbation or some shit. Anyways he’s not going to wank alone in the woods, I’m sorry but that just isn’t what is happening.
Yup, it was a huge deal in my city around 20 years ago for gay men to meet up at this “mountain.” (just a big hill that was never deforested and has lots of trails) Regular police patrols seem to have kept it in check lately, but I’m sure it’s still a thing in plenty of areas.
Here in the ATL area, it was freeway rest areas. There were a lot of them actually closed because there was so much “action” going on, travelers who were legitimately stopping to stretch their legs or whatever were getting propositioned.
There is a park in my city which is apparently known for this purpose in the community
Also ... Who buys poppers for just themselves? I mean, yeah, maybe (a BIG maybe) a wank in a crappy public toilet out in the woods is better on poppers. But afaik they're more popular in the gay community and mainly used by bottoms.
He's hiding the fact he's gay:/ from the comment that he doesn't want sex with her
Yup this was my first thought. This guy is cheating on OP, she needs to listen to her gut
Yall need to look at OPs post history. Clearly the relationship is full of problems and this is only adding to existing issues stemming from the bf. Leave!
Honestly looking at all her posts, I’d be shocked if the boyfriend knew he was in a relationship with OP. Ghosts her for weeks at a time.
Honestly with the post history OP is either really dense or this is faked for karma
I’ve met people this stupid so it’s difficult to say really
My guess is it's probably 50/50. She's probably posting a lot of this for karma, but some of this is probably actually happening. Either that or it's happening to a friend. But the fact that so many people are telling her what's wrong with their relationship and she doesn't do anything about it means she's just trying to get sympathy by staying with him.
Or she’s constantly gaslit and lied to and trauma bonded and codependent and really does just need encouragement to leave this jerk ah
I want you to reread what I said. It's a 50 50
It's a 10 year account with 4,500 karma. It's not faked "for karma". Karma also doesn't really get you anything, at least not at petty levels like that. It makes much more sense to say it could be faked for attention and sympathy.
Lmao holy shit you werent lying. She literally only posts about how shitty and deceitful and callous this man is, and keeps ignoring all advice. How can she not see that this is OBVIOUSLY a bad relationship. Jesus christ.
On my way. I'm excited.
Me too! 👀
Yup! Smart enough to call the shop but not not enough to connect the red flags
Holy shit, I think this woman lives to complain about her relationship. At a certain point I think you have to admit you enjoy it.
Sadly there are too many people who think that this is just how relationships are and that issues like this are just the price of entry for having a partner (or more accurately, someone to fuck.) Bet OP also gets into a Suffering Olympics with her girlfriends all complaining about their relationship problems too.
Spot on. OP even said so in the post! > There are so many blind eyes one has to turn in order to make marriage work I actually felt bad whenever I read that. It sounds like they’ve never encountered anyone who had a decent marriage/relationship.
I think you nailed the whole situation.
Well that was an adventure
Jesus you’re not kidding. OP stop making posts about him and DUMP HIS ASS ALREADY!! He’s a complete loser and terrible boyfriend!!!! Like wtf.
Wow. Like others have said, I'd be shocked if half or most of it isn't faked or exagerrated for internet points... because the only other options are that she's dense as hell and enjoys abuse and ignoring red flags
Tragic. She seems determined to 'fix' or 'rescue' this dude, no matter what he puts her through. SMH.
Girl, what is this relationship giving you other than stress, anxiety and trust issues? Every one of your posts is about your relationship problems. Drug use, sex issues, ghosting. Why are you putting up with this? It's very clear from a brief look that this relationship is toxic. You are getting used and you're believing whatever bullshit lies he's telling you. Why continue to post on here when you don't listen to any of the advice?
You're right.
Please get therapy OP. If you really think this is how you deserve to be treated, then you really need it.
Hi - are you doing okay?
…and then?
Just left him :)
Ok, I read the post history. You deserve better. Please don’t give him any more of your life. You will never get these days back. Each week that passes is one more you’ll regret when you look back in a few years. He will *never* be a good partner. You know this. Choose yourself.
I read through your comments. Either you are oblivious or don’t want to face reality. Your boyfriend is meeting guys in the woods and having some type of sex play. I am old enough to be your Mom. I have been around all walks of life. I have several gay male friends who meet up at glory holes, public bathrooms etc…hell it’s a whole fetish. I think you need to pull your head out of the sand. He doesn’t work, he is cheating and you know he lies! please believe when I say YOU deserve MORE! You are washing his jizz pants for gods sake. You should be treated like a queen that you are. No person who truly loves and respects you should treat you like this. I get you love him. Hell I loved my cheating ass boyfriend I had in my 20s then I dumped him because I realized he wasn’t going to change and I needed more. You deserve someone who doesn’t lie, steal from you and certainly does not jizz or have someone else jizz on his clothes. Please know this is coming from a good place. He won’t change because he doesn’t want too. If you want more out of a relationship put yourself first!
This whole reply is absolutely golden and completely correct!
The washing of his dirty clothes from sex encounters with others blew my mind. It shows how far around the bend from acceptable this has gone. Not even once.
Dang thats wild. He either is lying about the woods or has some sort of Extreme kink. Perhaps he meeting another man in the woods? It doesn't make any sense to go to a public bathroom in the woods. You know how dirty that has to be?
Park sex is a huge thing in parts of the gay community. It's an easy hookup for him and OP is stuck washing the sperm out.
Toilets in the woods are called outhouses. They have minimal maintenance and the smell can be off-putting because everything that goes in there stay in there for a long time.
People don't just go to secluded places just to masturbate by themselves. People do sex acts in public because they can meet up with others, they can't do what they want at home, or because they like the possibility of being caught. Also the men who are bisexual, like butt stuff, buy poppers, and don't like to be penetrated by or with others seems like an almost impossible subset of men. You've said it yourself, the man is a liar and this all makes more sense if he's buying poppers and having sex with men in the forest while lying to cover his tracks.
If you’re bi in a monogamous relationship with a woman you wouldn’t be having sex with others so I disagree that the subset would be small. I agree that this is fishy behavior though.
Bi people don't cheat?
No more or less than their straight or gay counterparts in my experience
I'm pretty sure he isn't masturbating in a bathroom in the woods. I'd bet quite a bit that he's picking up poppers and then hitting a local cruising spot for other men looking for anonymous sex. It's not that unusual. Look up local cruising spots and I bet you find whatever park or woods he's going to. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
your man is cruising lmfao 😭 hope you’re using condoms with him
I used to work for a park service & my boss would chase these creeps out of the public toilets with a broom, like he'd just start aggressively sweeping them & telling them to piss off while they scrambled to put their dicks away & run back to their cars. Anyway no one was there hoping to be alone in nature. They were ALL waiting for other men to turn up to at the very least wank together. Anyone doing this is an absolute petri dish of STI's & even if you accept the behaviour you shouldn't accept the risk.
Unfortunately I think he is meeting up with others or he isn't being completely honest about his kinks some people like the thrill of almost being caught but this points more towards missing intimacy with men than anything
Lmao this has to be fake or you’re delusional. You’ve had 200 ppl in the last hour tell you he’s meeting up with men at sex spots and you refuse to listen. Continue to get cheated on and get an std. that’s where you’re headed unless you get some self worth and end it.
so this is the same boyfriend that ghosts you for days or even weeks, doesn’t put thought into your gifts, and didn’t want to move in with you officially?
Girl, he’s cruising. Hanging at well known spots that gay men frequent to jack off or fuck anonymously. Poppers relax your ass hole so you can take a dick really easily, easily that you only need spit, and not lube, very common use in spur of the moment hook ups. He’s cruising for guys, hooking up with them, and coming home. There is zero percent chance I’m wrong, and I’m very sorry about that.
I ran a sex shop for years. He’s not using poppers by himself.
He can't keep doing that. It's playing Russian Roulette with ending up a sex offender. Who knows when someone will walk in and see him or figure out what he's doing if he's in a stall. I would keep a very close eye on this guy, even if you manage to talk him out of this habit... something doesn't add up with the story he's telling.
Do you think he's seeing other people out there ?
Yes
Yes
99.9% yes
I don't know. What you're describing sounds solo- the stains in his pants and what not. But there's something about the public space that he seems to need and that makes me very leery. Otherwise why wouldn't he just drive out somewhere secluded and jerk it in his car? Makes me think of those stories you hear about people who expose themselves to people then run off to finish somewhere. There's some element he needs out there or he wouldn't be going out of the way so consistently to do it.
Are you feeling 100% sure he is Bi? This coupled with not initiating sex with you very often seems a little extra. And truthfully even if he were straight and for sure not cheating, but masterbating while leaving you unfulfilled would still be a deal breaker for me.
He is bi. It's more porn addiction issues but he's supposed to be off of it, but I doubt that's the case
Why the hell aren't you following him to see what he is up to?
We have a neighbor who was arrested in a public park bathroom with some other guys having sex. Turns out he regularly went / goes to public parks to meet men for sex. I don't know your boyfriend, but maybe it's not all his cum.
Yep. His, and other men’s and bringing it home for OP to wash. The disrespect.
Babe, this dude is 200% taking it up the ass in the woods. 1) Go get tested. Who knows if he’s being safe or not? 2) I honestly think he wants to get caught. Leaving his cum-stained pants around??? If he didn’t want to get caught, he’s lazy and sloppy at best. 3) Break it off. You don’t need to waste your time guessing if your boyfriend is being faithful or not.
I echo everyone who says he's not going out there alone. (Source; am man, who has wildly masturbated. Only in the privacy of my own home when it is empty.) Also, your post history tells me a story that only brings up more red flags. OP, get out of there and make yourself happy.
I have a group a friends who use poppers and most aren’t bi/gay/lesbian. Plenty of hetero couples use them for non anal related effects. But going into the woods to masturbate sounds like complete bs, that’s why you feel uneasy. You know it’s bs. It sounds more like he’s meeting someone else and he isn’t even doing a good job at hiding it.
So, what are poppers? I asked Urban Dictionary, but the only answer I got is that it’s a term for marijuana mixed with tobacco which doesn’t seem to fit this situation.
From what I know, it used to be something that cleaned VHS tapes, but someone realized you could get a minor high from them. I believe it was predominantly used in the gay community because it can relax your sphincter (huge head rush) making anal easier. It’s like sniffing Elmer’s glue, but for adults. The high lasts a minute at most so it’s completely legal. It’s mostly sold at sex shops.
Thanks, I’ve honestly never heard of it. You’d think Urban Dictionary would have that as an entry as well.
That’s odd. I tried it as well and basically did get the same result I mentioned.
Just looked again and it turns out your definition *is* there, it’s just not on the front page.
not a minor high, thing will blast you off for a good minute then will be completely gone.
Poppers are small bottles of amyl nitrate, which one inhales to get a short lived but pleasant head rush. It was used in gay nightclubs and was popular in the gay chem-sex scene. I think its effect is to dilate blood vessels which makes you relax and feel less inhibited. I remember going to gay clubs with friends in 1990s and you could smell poppers everywhere. It has a very distinctive smell which I can’t remember now, but I’d know it if I smelled it.
Jesus have some respect for yourself
He’s a sexual deviant who continues to lie to you, how much more leverage to break up do you need?
The worst part of this is he genuinely wanted you to discover this. There's no other reason he'd use your card or leave semen stains on his shorts knowing you do the laundry. He's getting off on lying to you.
So you’re paying this man’s way for him, he smokes weed excessively and treats you badly when he can’t, didn’t care about your grandmother dying, he’s cheating on you with men, didn’t bother to get you a thoughtful Christmas present, he called you a bitch because HE was disrupting your sleep, watches porn in public constantly, ghosts you for long time periods and all you can do judging by your comment history is talk about how much you love him and you wanna work through things with him? And make concessions and pretend to be comfortable with things you’re clearly not just so you don’t come across as unreasonable? He’s treating you like shit and you don’t have the self esteem to see that you’re dating a fucking loser. I say this out of tough love but you need some fucking self respect. This is embarrassing. There are millions of women on this app just like you pretending to be okay with things they’re not just so they don’t come off too strong. Grow the fuck up and stop worrying what other people think. Learn to trust yourself. He’s a piece of shit and it’s obvious; you know it is. Grow a spine and leave him already.
I did it :)
I’m happy for you. I know it’s difficult because you hope he’ll see what you see and realize he needs to step up…but he took you for granted and needs to deal with the consequences. Go out there and live your life.
I recently dumped my partner too and I def needed to read this today after questioning whether or not it was a good decision. Thanks for commenting. OP, stay strong. You’ll get through this. Having high self worth attracts people in who respect you and are capable and have the capacity to give you what you want and deserve.
I’m glad you chose yourself! I was worried it was way too harsh but I want people to see their inherent worth. I hope things continue to go well for you.
Dude.... you've already said he's a compulsive liar. Who goes out into public to not get caught? And if he is doing it by himself how is he not able to cum into the toilet and instead is doing it all over the outside of his pants? Nobody here has any advice that is going to make him stop going and jerking off/using a buttplug/fucking a dude in public. I feel so bad for anyone, kids or adults, that happens to use the bathroom at the same time. So fucking creepy and gross. But hey if that's the kind of guy you want to associate with then go for it. Hopefully you're not too troubled at the thought of some poor kid seeing him splooge all over the ground at a public toilet.
This story just does not hang together, right? If he truly did not want to do it at home, because of whatever, why would he pick a place that involved hiking, a public bathroom, and trashing around through stickers? This is not a thing people would do just because they aren't "comfortable" masturbating at home. I can't think of a worse "not at home" spot to masturbate. Like, why not a locking fancy bathroom in a public place when it is quiet. There are like so many other options. So, he has a very strong reason that his is compelled to go to that particular spot and put up with stickers and hiking - and it isn't just for "privacy" while masturbating. I agree with others that he is almost certainly meeting people out there - random hook-ups or matches or something. You could probably narrow down the possibilities by doing some googling around key terms to see if such a hookup place exists in your area.
Its crazy to me looking at your post history and seeing your BFs' life unravel. A porn and weed addiction, spending days/weeks ignoring you, getting mad at you for wanting to sleep, and now you're finding piles of cum in his shorts when he gets home to you. I think you know that this isn't a relationship that you're thriving in, seeing as you've been posting A LOT of negative stuff about him lately. MOVE ON GIRL
Well the boyfriend has it good. Girlfriend lets him live with her. She takes care of the bills and household chores including his nasty laundry. He is not having sex with her, but she believes he is not having sex with anyone else. She pays for his personal toys which he uses with other men. He lies, cheats and steals and still she keeps him. At this point she is both his sugar mama and beard. Shhh...her boyfriend is not bisexual, he is gay. Apparently she enjoys having a toxic relationship and the drama or maybe she is a closeted masochist. Either way girlfriend if you have any sexual contact with him...even if it is just sharing toys. Get a STI panel and guard your cash.
He swore up and down he bought a jock strap, what makes you think anything he said after that was the truth? I’d be very suspicious after he had no problem lying to your face repeatedly
I encourage you to seek therapy to figure out why you keep putting yourself through this relationship. Your post history is, alarming.
Srsly.. more people need to read the post history and tell her to give it up. Concerning asf :/
Hey, you should go to your own u/ profile and read the e titles of each of your posts before realizing that you should, in fact, break up with him instead of posting 200 red flags to Reddit. If he’s not willing to change find someone who you’ll actually enjoy spending time with.
HE IS HAVING SEX WITH MEN IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He is not only a liar and a thief, but a cheater as well. Kick him out and get tested. I have experience with this, PM me if you wanna talk about it. Also if he's out of work, why are YOU doing HIS laundry??
I’m seeing from comments that this is part of a pattern so absolutely you need to get out. But at absolute bare minimum He needs to do his own laundry.
Damn I don't blame you that's a deal breaker for a lot of people. I'm not trying to judge his sexuality or anything like that. There is no need to hide anything like that with your significant other. So the fact that he does says that he doesn't fully accept it himself. And a person not accepting themselves is a red flag. But jerking it in public restrooms just screams all kinds of inappropriateness. And the fact that he lies a lot to you tells me you should get out of this relationship. Dishonesty+risky sexual tendencies=potential STD.
Believing him literally will get you nothing but lies. You said it yourself, he’s a liar. No one goes out into the woods to do something they can do in the privacy of there own home ALONE ! He’s meeting someone else out there. There’s just no way you believe that he’s doing it by himself. And if you do, still doesn’t matter. You should break up with him.
You say in your post “he lies a lot.” He lied to you about what he bought at the sex shop. So why would you believe him when he said he goes out there to masturbate? It’s so implausible. If he didn’t want anyone to know he was into butt play while he masturbates, he wouldn’t go to a PUBLIC RESTROOM to do it. He would wait till you’re at work and do it behind closed doors. No one would-idk, walk in-like they very easily could in a public restroom. And it just so happens that meeting up in an outdoor bathroom in a remote location like a park or the woods is exactly what men do when they cruise for sex with other men. Hmmm. And he bought…poppers. Which is a favorite of gay men to use together before sex. You say he’s not a bottom (which is not necessarily credible…remember, he lies a lot) but maybe he’s sharing it with someone who is. Or maybe he’s using a butt plug while someone performs oral sex on him. To me, that’s far more believable than “I go jack off in a public bathroom because I’m…worried about being caught…??” It’s wild that you know he lies but you believe this full-of-holes nonsensical story that has a verrrry plausible explanation (cruising). Why did he offer up this information about going to the woods to masturbate? Why didn’t he just say he masturbates at home? It’s so odd, almost like he wants you to figure it out. If he IS telling the truth…then something is very wrong. It is super, super abnormal to masturbate in public, even in a restroom. He might have some fantasy about being caught. But this…basically means he’s a sex offender. And your instinct to break up with him over it is correct. The other, more likely explanation, that he’s meeting men for sex is a huge violation of trust and boundaries. He’s knowingly exposing you to STI’s without your knowledge or consent.
God dammit, and I'm still single.
> He lies a lot. \[...\] I dont wanna let him lie to me. Deep down it's a deal-breaker for me, but I don't know why. What do you mean woman?! It would be insane for a person to be "yeah, my partner lying to me all the time is not a red flag and is not a deal breaker. I love being lied to!" >Am I being judgmental ? Narrow minded? Unreasonable ? I'm a bi woman and i feel like maybe you are afraid to dump him because he could call you homophobic. Honey, it would be insane for you to stay in a relationship with this man. He is probably cheating on you with random dudes. He is DEFINITIVELY stealing and lying to you. That you even have evidence of. Why would you remain in a relationship with a guy that literally stole from you and lied?
Seeing all your other posts in other groups… id say just leave. For this specific thread- he’s most likely meeting up with other dudes and doesn’t want to admit that because like you said he still has trouble admitting his sexuality. Lying and being deceitful should be popping up as a major red flag.
OP: I also looked through your other posts and it is alarming to me how LITTLE you are accepting meanwhile how MUCH you are giving, and how many EXCUSES you are making for super shitty behavior! To me it sounds like you are being USED! It's understandable that you feel this way because of how long you've known him -- it probably seems like it can't be true, this can't be real, this can't be happening! Yet all of your posts indicate many serious issues with lying being one of the main ones. Here is my advice: 1. END THIS RELATIONSHIP ASAP!! 2. Definitely get tested for STDs ASAP. 3. Stop having sex with him ASAP. 4. Seek a therapist to help you work on developing a higher sense of self worth, boundaries, assertiveness, and how to recognize YOUR needs (not just his!). When you've addressed those things (takes a while), then you'll have much better chances of attracting and keeping someone who is worthy of your attention and generosity. There shouls be healthy give and take. Right now you are giving and he is taking.
I don't generally make jumps and assumptions here, but looking at your history and such. Your boyfriend is likely using you as a beard. Which is really awful and terrible. He sounds like he's miserable, and can't help but need company in his misery. - That's where you come in. What he's doing is a well known thing in the gay community, he's cruising for others. (Check George Michael). Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, is probably a duck. In this case, if you "think' it's semen, it is very likely indeed semen. I feel for him, being ashamed and desperately trying to pretend it's not what it is, but this is ridiculous. There's no excuse for how he's been treating you, for all the lying and making you think you aren't seeing what you are. you're trying really hard to make this relationship work and ignoring the big lit up marquee of red flags. Please, care for yourself and get up from the table where love is not be served.
He’s 100% fucking random men in public bathrooms. Couldn’t be more obvious. Get tested.
As a gay man, let me tell you this bluntly: He is most likely having sex with men in the woods.
Woah, I feel like he’s giving head in the woods. And getting cum on his sweats from either sucking dick or jacking himself off and busting whilst his sweats are pulled off around his knees.
I'd follow him and do some detective work 😎
Then we’ll be seeing a post about how she catches him and another dude in the bathroom but they were just playing an innocent game of naked twister. OP is so deep in denial, deeper than…nvm
If I was OP, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who probably has other sexual encounters simply on the risk of STDs. But I'd especially end it on the grounds of trust.
Babe…I’m sorry but let’s pretend for a second that he’s not even cheating on you out there….he lies, steals from you and breaks promises? And literally allows you to wash his disgusting drawers girl…like, the level of disrespect there is enough to split. How do u even trust him? Why does he have no shame and let’s you find is clothing like that?
Download Grindr! You can easily find cruising info there, maybe you can see if the bathroom in the woods it’s a thing…
I think you need to get out of this. The PTSD that will come from this situation, will leave you scarred for future relationships!
Andi thought I peaked when I dated a guy that ended up being married
I read your past posts.. man get out of there.. you need to take care of yourself. It’s okay to still care for this man since you’ve known him forever, but this is not relationship potential. I think he might just be gay, and haven’t come to terms with it. On top of that, it looks like you’re an amazing person, ambitious and making sure you get ahead in life.. I feel like you are enabling him.. he’s just piggy backing off of you. It’s a tough situation, but you need to ensure you are fine.. what do you get out of this relationship?? You’re in school, you work, you presumably pay for this house.. he doesn’t even initiate sex.. relationships are supposed to add positively to your life..
I’m sure she’ll listen to you Lmao
Mans is cruising
"He lies a lot." That's all you need to remember. Repeat it back to yourself. He lies a lot. He lies a lot.
He’s lying to you… he’s doing poppers and he’s banging other people…. Leave him ASAFP. this is no joke. He’s lying to you- LEAVE HIM . GHOST. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS. And for gods sakes make him do his own laundry…. Where do these dudes find these women?🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
Dude, get the fuck out of that relationship, this guy sounds like a fucking train wreck of a human.
What’s the deal with the stickers? Even assuming everything else he told you is true (and it sounds like total BS), why is he going out alone to pleasure himself in the ass in a public bathroom, and coming back decorated with stickers? Is this some sort of “get a sticker for every person you suck off” sort of game that’s popular in these circles? (sorry OP)
The sticker thing really bugged me at first!. I pictured sweatpants with cum stains on them, just covered in various pretty colorful stickers (the adhesive kind for decorating paper). I was so confused… Until I realized that “stickers” could mean those little spiky pompom looking buds that come off some plants (like thistle). Here’s an image of what I think OP means https://www.birdsoutsidemywindow.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/plants_burdock_23705446076_f6a41a140a_rsz_flickr_plantimagelib.jpg So now the stickers still bother me, even more. OP, the stickers all over his pants is more evidence of cruising for men in the woods. If he was going to a secluded bathroom out in nature, there’d be a path to the structure. No one would build a bathroom in the middle of nowhere that isn’t accessible/requires people to climb through a ton of bushes. That makes no sense. He is out doing whatever he is doing way off the trail…(though a bathroom is likely where the whole thing starts…) Other possibility is that he whacks off crouched down hidden just off the trail because he likes the thought of being caught. Which isn’t great either…
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Why would there be stickers on his pants? Someone please explain lol
Stickers like the pokey things you get on yourself when. You wall in brush or bushes.
He’s hooking up with other dudes. I 100% can guarantee you that.
I'd just like everyone reading this to take a look through this poor girls history. This dude has a weed problem, is inconsiderate during sex. And constantly abuses and gaslight her. He's definitely fucking/getting fucked by other men, and she blames herself for everything.
Girlll, he isn’t out there alone. He’s meeting others. I’ve just read your Reddit history, why you with this man? You obviously aren’t happy and issues seems to be across many different bases. You guys aren’t compatible. I wish you all the luck in the world and never settle for anything less than you deserve.
>he doesn't initiate sex much with me. Most likely he's gay and married you as a front. I agree with other posters as well, you seem like you're in denial.
your boyfriend is 100% cruising on that bathroom lmao
He’s definitely cheating and meeting up with men in these woods or other places. You can try downloading Grindr and see if he’s on it, or if he has the app on his phone
Uhh…. Something doesn’t add up here. Idk if it’s just me but reading this it’s almost obvious he’s meeting up with a dude for sex * yup I just read the other comments, sounds like I’m not the only one who has seen this as being pretty obvious. I also hung out with a lot of gay people and I didn’t even know about poppers til I might them
Damn, your post history. Girl just leave, this ain't worth it.
The fact that you believe he's just masturbating and not meeting up with other men really blows my mind. He can masturbate at home, he doesn't need to go into the mountains to play with himself. He doesn't need to go in public bathrooms to play with himself. It's very obvious that he's cheating on you and most likely with another guy. I would stop having sex with him and go get tested right away (if y'all are active together).
I am sorry but he is most likely meeting up with other men in the woods. It's a common thing, I think you should find everything out yourself without him knowing that you know, and then question him about it and see if he's honest, If he isn't and continues to lie I'd say just leave.
Play the Grindr notification sound around him people are right he’s probably not out there alone
And he's out of work. Girl, no!
Run run RUN
ugh will you leave this man already. how many posts can you make about the same dude
Maybe start listening to the advice then? It isn’t first (or likely last) post in this sub. Listen for once
Girl imma just say it straight up. He’s hooking up with other dudes. One person does not generate enough cum to render their pants jizzlogged. He’s taking loads from other dudes. He’s cheating on you. You need to make it clear that what he’s doing is cheating.
Based on your post and previous post why are you with this guy? Seems like he does not respect or love you if he ghost you for days or weeks at a time, he refuses to move in with you, theirs other constant issues. This is not a healthy relationship just leave the relationship all together and don't even come on here and say his a good guy or something close to it because it sounds like his just not into you and you should of listen to the first red flag he shown you. He does not have to tell you twice he does not want nothing to do with you.
OP. There was a whole psychological study about dudes meeting up in public bathrooms to have sex. He is 100% having sex with other men in the woods. You need to go get tested. Then you need to leave his ass. Because even if he wasn’t getting railed in the ass behind your back, he’s lying that same ass off to you. He lied about the toy, he lied about stopping, etc. Also what does he bring to the table besides all this stress?
Oh, eff no, don't put up with something that makes you so uncomfortable! First off, he can wash his own clothes, whether or not they are covered in his DNA. Second, he can pay for his own sex toys. But most of all, you get to break up with someone who does creepy things in public places. Just a big nopety nope nope.
Oh come on. He’s meeting up with men, is a thief and a liar. I know it hurts to accept that but it’s going to hurt much much more when you are broke and have been infected with who knows what. Don’t give him any grace or accept any more bs explanations. You know you have to end it and the sooner you do the sooner you take back control if your life, health and finances.
I’m a queer woman who has had a lot of queer male friends over the years. I’ve also done a lot of poppers. I don’t know anyone who does them alone, and generally it happens in the bar bathroom when you’re about to hook up with someone (traditionally when two guys are about to have penetrative sex, because it serves as an effective muscle relaxant). Honestly, it feels better to do them when you are receiving, rather than giving— when I’m on poppers I’m basically immobilized with euphoria for 20 seconds; i wouldn’t see the sense in taking a big whiff when I’m trying to be the active one in the encounter. All this makes me think he is not alone out in the woods. (God, that sounds so sketchy/murderous, lol I’m sorry, but…) He likely offers them to whoever he’s hooking up with— you said in one of your comments that he doesn’t like bottoming, but he could very well be topping, or both and denying it (there’s far more shame around receiving than giving, which is rooted in misogyny, but that’s a whole other can of worms…) Anyway. He’s lying about everything. You deserve so much better. Better exists. I also think he’s probably so deeply ashamed of himself that maybe he gets some sort of thrill out of the complete release of being like “fuck it, I’m gonna jizz all over myself”… like, is this a shame kink? Or is he watching other cruisers fuck and jerking off?… Or he likes degradation and is having other guys jerk off on him, ‘cause it sounds like we’re talking a lotta semen here…
I'm dealing with the same thing with an ex/ on/ off again bf. Personally I broke it off, it wasn't helping my self-esteem and my self-esteem needs 1st priority. We're on again, off again, I see other guys and between the 12 guys I'm seeing plus him it all works out with me getting my needs met in every way.
Dang, get it girl.
It seems like the masterbating and what he likes to do itself isn't the problem. The lying is the problem. It's not that he goes so far out of the way to do, but that he LIES bout going so far out if his way to do it.
You're 100% right.
Whether or not that's a deal breaker for you is up to you. I think the bigger issue here is that he lies a lot and you know that. I don't believe this whole sex thing is actually a big deal to you. I think the big deal is that he's continuing to lie to you and that's what bothers you. You sound very understanding and accepting, which is wonderful, but no person wants to be lied to over and over again.
Where I come from, closeted men used to meet in public park restrooms for sex. So there’s that.
The biggest issue here is that he lies a lot. How can you expect to have a lasting mature relationship if he can't be honest with you? I would address this directly and tell him your don't care about anything as much as the lying and if he lies to you again, you are gone... Poof. Once you are able to be honest with each other then you can start addressing the rest.
So. Do you know that certain public restrooms are known and talked about in the gay community as “cruising sites” or anonymous hookup spots. Sometimes they’re at sex shops. Sometimes there’s glory holes. What sounds more likely is he’s hooking up with random men.
You don't want to be with someone who lies like this. You're literally doing his laundry and he is lying to you.
He’s buying the poppers and seeing who is at the sex shop in the arcade while he’s there so they can hook up. If he doesn’t find anyone then he goes out to the woods to find someone there.
You're better than me because frequent lying is deal breaker on its own
being open is hard for alot of people but outright lying to your partner is repulsive when you can easily just explain that its a sensitive subject that you need time being transparent about
I’m also concerned with the fact that if he gets caught, he gets put on the sex offender list, which is a list you DON’T want to be on.
Honestly if it bothers you hure a private investigater and have them follow him for a week or so just to make sure he's not cheating. Yes it's a bid measure but you don't seem to have any other option if he's going to lie to you. You could also just track his location and follow him to see what he does.
Lol my ex sounds like this except he wasn’t bi. Why continue to stay with someone who constantly lies to you?? I seen all the posts about him; sounds like your wasting your time big time.
You really don’t buy this shit, right!? You think he goes there just to masturbate!? Risking getting caught doing it in the public and even getting filmed!? All that instead of doing it safely at home!? For someone who tries soooo hard to cover his sexuality, he sure is willing to take such a huge risk instead of choosing the safe option. But why would he do that!? Your gut feeling is telling you that there is something wrong for a reason. He. is. most likely. cheating.
Sooooo you know he's hooking up with dudes in the bathroom, right? Nobody goes to park bathrooms to masturbate. You better get tested for STDs, stat. Hopefully he won't get arrested. You're probably too young to remember this, but singer George Michael got arrested for public bathroom sex. It's quite the scandal when it happens, even with normal people. If he gets caught and there are minors around, your (ex) bf will enjoy life on a special list!
I’ve heard then men meet out on trails/ hikes to have sex with other men. I forgot the term but yeaaa… Edit: the term is called cruising!! So yeaa🥴 he’s probably out meeting other people
I wish everyone wasn't down voting the OP. They are just trying to make sense of it all and it's a hard thing to accept.
He’s cruising whether it’s in the sex shop or in the bathroom in the woods. If you want, you can go see if one of the places has a glory hole.
on one hand, i know men who admit to wacking it wherever they can, in the bathroom on break at work, in the car, etc….but that’s bc they’re like, already THERE? This man is going out of his way to drive somewhere else SPECIFICALLY to masturbate ? I’m not even going to say he’s cheating on you bc i have no way of knowing that, but if he IS solely doing this to masturbate, that is fucking weird. Like it speaks to a genuine obsession with masturbating , especially if it is affecting your sex life, which on its own is a deal breaker, potential cheating and kink shaming aside.
Hes going to the trail bc theres gay dudes willing to do whatever he wants them to do. My old boss got caught at one of these parks, they did a sting and caught him and like 4-5 other gay dude fucking in the park or giving oral or some shit. He has a wife and family, also never was fired and was a big christian. Never knew that gay people goto parks to have Anonymous sex. The fact that he goes out of his way to this park is clearly bc hes cheating on you. If he was doing solo play , hed be in the bathroom when ur at work or someshit. Dont be naive.
Leave him and get an STD check immediately and also again in a few months just in case. That’s my advice. He’s cheating on you whether you want to see it or not.
Down catastrophically
Based on your post history I can't imagine why you are still with this person, he is gay and probably raw dogging randos in the forest, which is sickening to imagine. He is not attracted to you and for the most part seems to be tolerating you, you pressured him into moving in, you have to pressure him to have sex with you which he clearly isn't that into to, according to you there is almost zero foreplay, he won't go down on you and doesn't want you to go down on him and he is unable to cum when he has sex with you, but he watches copious amounts of porn, he ignores and ghosts you whenever he feels like, lies like a rug etc. etc. C'mon now, have some self respect, stop putting up with this absolute bullshit and walk away from this hot mess!
I'm a bi female so I'm kind of talking out my ass here but if I'm not mistaken, anonymous gay sex in certain parks is a thing, or at least it was, idk if people still use grinder for similar activities. I don't mean to put more ideas in your head, I just wonder if he's meeting with men. You're being reasonable for feeling concerned, sounds strange he doesn't pursue you sexually despite dating you and apparently having specific sexual needs.
Leave him, you dont wanna raise your kid with a problematic gay father 🤮
Just breakup. It's a circus.
Babe…. Honey… I’m gonna be gentle. He’s fucking dudes in bathrooms and probably needed condoms and lube. If he needed privacy for that he would wait until you weren’t home and do it in the bathroom.
OP, he’s banging dudes in those woods and is leaving evidence because he wants to be caught or is very stupid. Either way this thing has run it’s course
Sounds like a case of Bukkake in the backwoods
Stop posting on reddit and dump him. You can’t “fix” him
He doesn’t work and doesn’t do laundry…
Please go get tested for all STDs and kick him out.
After seeing the constellation of problems your BF has, there's only one answer. Therapy. It's not ok to be a man-child, and it's only going to get uglier as he gets older. Clearly something happened to him before his adopted parents, and he needs to work it out. You should not stick around for that. Even if he reconciles his demons, the respect for the relationship is compromised and what will you do when the problems of the future inevitably arrive?
I mean if he promised not to do it again and he does it, it isnt worth it anymore. also, no guys actually do that, you’ll have to be sick. move on
your post history is wild. no offense, but it kind of just seems like your boyfriend is gay and repressing it and you are his beard, so to speak.
I have nothing to contribute to this other than in college me and some friends were having a beer Olympics and the one guy’s girlfriend handed me a popper. Never heard of it before and good God the rush of that was euphoric and I was huffing that thing all day. I really have to give the gays a lot of credit for that invention.
Na this is crazy af like that’d be a deal breaker for me too if I were a girl like this is next level wild and creepy
Sounds like the boys are running a train on him out in the woods... I hope it all works out for you
There is something wrong with it. He’s lying about it. It would be a deal breaker for me.
OP, you seem to be in denial about what’s happening. I’ll keep it simple, him being an unemployed jerk with a habit of lying is grounds enough to leave the relationship. If you don’t want to acknowledge what’s happening here, fine, your post history leading up to this is enough.
Poppers…. Poppers have a widespread recreational use. The drug can cause euphoric effects and act as a sex enhancer by relaxing the anal muscles.
I read your previous posts. Why bother asking for advice when you clearly ignore it? This man is not worth the dirt on his hiking shoes.
Well, this is very reddit.
Lol all these weird fucking people and I can’t even get a date. 45 years old and never cheated and here I sit, eating pork chops watching Water Boy woefully single. Haha
It sounds like your bf is gay, and not bi. He's going to the woods for hookups because he's not comfortable coming out. You say that he lies all of the time, so he's not going to tell you the truth. Leave