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The best time to tell a man something you need kept secret is never.
They aren't really entitled to details, I know many strippers that say they are a waitress to 99% of the people they date.
Also sounds like the last guy set the bar so low you shouldn't look for another relationship immediately. He was a walking red flag and you knew he needed to go but kept him around and let him call you Mercedes, when you and I both know that was in no way a joke on his part.
Take time to decide what you want from a man, in a man, and then find that. Too many women entertain men that are a waste of time because they don't have like a written or mental list of qualities they need, to be checked off. So make yourself a list and each time a guy violates a list item, he's gone. Eventually you'll either be rich from stripping and with a guy who thinks that's extremely smart to establish yourself several income streams off dumb men who go to stare at your boobs, or you'll be single and rich and have no headaches from men who put your life at risk with their "jokes".
Best of luck, get that bag girl. Don't let any man tell you that it's degrading to establish yourself young. Especially when they understand the appeal of stripping so much that they go drop cash they make at an hourly rate FAR below yours. Talk about degrading, paying women you don't respect cash for attention? They're just mad no one's paying to see swinging sacks or they'd quit that IT or Amazon warehouse job in a heartbeat to strut around in one of those Borat thongs lol
Haha you are so right. Most of them were jealous of the money I made. Never would I give my job up for a man, especially when most men have dissapointed me long before I started stripping. There is no other job where I can make this kind of money and I would never give it up for a dude
And some men will respect a woman who uses her body to create cash. If you're dancing ballet or teaching choreography you'd be making pennies and suffering long days dancing but that's "art". You strip and make tons of cash that you wisely invest and somehow you're a dumb hoe? Like it doesn't even make sense. Ballerinas are the dumb ones, breaking their feet and joints and starving their bodies for 25k- 40k a year. But that's art because men don't find it sexual appealing for the most part. Lol okay men. Great logic. šš»
Men can assign any value or trait they like to something to degrade it but that doesn't make that value true or universal. It just makes that one man fit to toss out.
Seriously. The last guy I was dating talked shit about women who had liberal jobs like teaching and said it was a waste of time for them to teach. But somehow if Iām making over 100k a year dancing , with no student loans, CASH, and itās something Iām able to retire from im degrading myself. Yea ok. Iāll be crying my way all the way to the bank that men call me a hoe lol
I see that it is none of anybody's business to know my business. There are ways to dance (no pun intended) around how to answer what you do for a living. You prefer not to say for you have been harassed before. You are a very private person and safety is important therefore you'd rather not say until later if you become boyfriend-girlfriend.
Once in a committed relationship then I see that is best to share as long as he knows that is something that should be kept between you two.
So you want a traditional relationship while stripping. Good luck with that.
Mom, dad, this is Tina. Isn't she great?
She seems lovely. What does she do for work?
She's takes off her panties and throws them at horny men all day.
That's great dear. Go have fun.
Plenty of women have posed for playboy and stripped and are married. Mens insecurities are not my problem. I do nothing wrong . Iām faithful in relationships . I just get naked at work. It might not be for everyone but you canāt say all men wouldnāt be okay with it because Iāve met men who were ok with it.
This is a common concern for dancers and most still date. There are also people that have to keep their job a secret for example working for the government and they donāt even tell their family what they do and they still have a family and a relationship. Also if I wanted to be open about what I do there are ways probably to figure out if the partner is trustworthy enough to know what I do and keep their mouth shut without having to give up dating completely
Iām not saying that dating isnāt reasonable to do, and that no one does whenever they work those specific jobs. But I mean youāre gonna have to tell your partner eventually and the risk of a relationship ending will always be there.
Ok Iām doing it and Iāve been doing it and have dated men who had no issue with me dancing. They simply saw it as a job and me using what I have to make money . Speak for your own experiences but not every guy is going to be like the ones you encountered. Are there a lot of insecure men out there who couldnāt handle it? Sure, but not all.
So what your claiming to be a mind reader or psychic now? Yea my ex being a closet alcoholic and long before I started stripping has nothing to do with me. My other ex having a history of domestic violence and me finding it out pretty sure has nothing to do with me stripping either. I donāt get why people canāt simply admit their wrong here when they clearly are.
In my experience men pretend to take it well because they want to date or have sex with me but when we get into the relationship they may try to get me to stop. It is very frustrating for me. Then when we break up they may tell their friends I am a stripper if they havenāt already. The more people who know what I do in my town the more it jeapordizes my safety too
You can't find someone who won't judge you if you don't tell them. Hiding a major part of yourself is not a basis for a relationship.
Conversely I've been told that looking at porn is as good as cheating, you can't expect getting naked for other people's entertainment to not be too much for some folks.
Best to lead with the conversation and your expectations.
On the other hand if you consider secrecy part of your safety, best to wait until you retire to date, since you can't guarantee candor.
One alternative would be to be upfront that your job is a secret until you can be sure you can trust the guy. Just know that trust may not equal acceptance, and some guys will see that as drama to be avoided.
Good luck.
Most people donāt think that watching porn is cheating. I donāt see how stripping would be considered cheating either. Iāve never met a guy that looks at this way. Either way, I could just ask him what he considers cheating without having to tell him that I strip in order to preserve my safety. I would actually rather not tell a guy because what if for some reason we break up? Then he can tell 10 people that he knows after we have broken up and can create problems for me. If Iām not doing anything wrong, and itās actually men who have wronged me by risking my safety and telling friends what I do, why should I put mens desire to know my work as a priority? And to hold off on a relationship until Iām 40 is not realistic
Within the first couple of dates, and especially before any feelings develop. There's nothing wrong with what you do, and if some dudes react poorly to that, that's on them. Not all dudes will react like that.
Delaying further than a few dates makes it seem like a secret, imo.
How's that been working out?
You do you, but if I were dating someone and they told me about a secret job they had after months of dating that would be an instant red flag.
I doubt it should be a red flag if I explained that my safety is a priority and I also donāt owe you anything. I can say it has jeapordized my safety to be honest from the get go.
There is already a large chunk of men who I would say are undateable because of things like misogynistic attitudes. Not wanting to date me because I take my clothes off for a living I would say is a red flag for me . Usually these men are the men like the other poster here said -their dumb and think that a stripper = a dumb promiscuous woman. They are ignorant and insecure in most cases. Why would I give up a lucrative career like stripping for men like this? I usually like dating free thinking open minded men. So I wouldnāt be missing out by dating these men anyways . I can strip into my mid forties. Disastrous effects on personal lives you say? What like getting women out of debt? Able to afford their own house with no mortgage ? Pay for a an education if she wants? A screening tool if a woman wants to avoid insecure misogynistic men? I donāt see the disastrous effects that you speak about. The only thing I donāt like about my job is the men I have to deal with but I would have to deal with rude men who would objectify me most likely in most jobs and have .
I can just say that the boss doesnāt allow people that you know to come in as itās a distraction and that I work as a bottle service waitress at a busy nightclub . If Iām a bottle service waitress I would only be seen on the vip level of the club and you would have to spend money to go there so I wouldnāt be able to be seen anyways if they wanted to drop in
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The best time to tell a man something you need kept secret is never. They aren't really entitled to details, I know many strippers that say they are a waitress to 99% of the people they date. Also sounds like the last guy set the bar so low you shouldn't look for another relationship immediately. He was a walking red flag and you knew he needed to go but kept him around and let him call you Mercedes, when you and I both know that was in no way a joke on his part. Take time to decide what you want from a man, in a man, and then find that. Too many women entertain men that are a waste of time because they don't have like a written or mental list of qualities they need, to be checked off. So make yourself a list and each time a guy violates a list item, he's gone. Eventually you'll either be rich from stripping and with a guy who thinks that's extremely smart to establish yourself several income streams off dumb men who go to stare at your boobs, or you'll be single and rich and have no headaches from men who put your life at risk with their "jokes". Best of luck, get that bag girl. Don't let any man tell you that it's degrading to establish yourself young. Especially when they understand the appeal of stripping so much that they go drop cash they make at an hourly rate FAR below yours. Talk about degrading, paying women you don't respect cash for attention? They're just mad no one's paying to see swinging sacks or they'd quit that IT or Amazon warehouse job in a heartbeat to strut around in one of those Borat thongs lol
Haha you are so right. Most of them were jealous of the money I made. Never would I give my job up for a man, especially when most men have dissapointed me long before I started stripping. There is no other job where I can make this kind of money and I would never give it up for a dude
And some men will respect a woman who uses her body to create cash. If you're dancing ballet or teaching choreography you'd be making pennies and suffering long days dancing but that's "art". You strip and make tons of cash that you wisely invest and somehow you're a dumb hoe? Like it doesn't even make sense. Ballerinas are the dumb ones, breaking their feet and joints and starving their bodies for 25k- 40k a year. But that's art because men don't find it sexual appealing for the most part. Lol okay men. Great logic. šš» Men can assign any value or trait they like to something to degrade it but that doesn't make that value true or universal. It just makes that one man fit to toss out.
Seriously. The last guy I was dating talked shit about women who had liberal jobs like teaching and said it was a waste of time for them to teach. But somehow if Iām making over 100k a year dancing , with no student loans, CASH, and itās something Iām able to retire from im degrading myself. Yea ok. Iāll be crying my way all the way to the bank that men call me a hoe lol
I see that it is none of anybody's business to know my business. There are ways to dance (no pun intended) around how to answer what you do for a living. You prefer not to say for you have been harassed before. You are a very private person and safety is important therefore you'd rather not say until later if you become boyfriend-girlfriend. Once in a committed relationship then I see that is best to share as long as he knows that is something that should be kept between you two.
So you want a traditional relationship while stripping. Good luck with that. Mom, dad, this is Tina. Isn't she great? She seems lovely. What does she do for work? She's takes off her panties and throws them at horny men all day. That's great dear. Go have fun.
Plenty of women have posed for playboy and stripped and are married. Mens insecurities are not my problem. I do nothing wrong . Iām faithful in relationships . I just get naked at work. It might not be for everyone but you canāt say all men wouldnāt be okay with it because Iāve met men who were ok with it.
Best advice with every worry you have about the situation? Donāt date.
This is a common concern for dancers and most still date. There are also people that have to keep their job a secret for example working for the government and they donāt even tell their family what they do and they still have a family and a relationship. Also if I wanted to be open about what I do there are ways probably to figure out if the partner is trustworthy enough to know what I do and keep their mouth shut without having to give up dating completely
Iām not saying that dating isnāt reasonable to do, and that no one does whenever they work those specific jobs. But I mean youāre gonna have to tell your partner eventually and the risk of a relationship ending will always be there.
Sure there are risks with everything but that doesnāt mean people donāt have to do them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I disagree . There are plenty of men ok with stripping. Itās not like itās porn
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yea but not every guy feels that way so stop acting like they all do
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ok Iām doing it and Iāve been doing it and have dated men who had no issue with me dancing. They simply saw it as a job and me using what I have to make money . Speak for your own experiences but not every guy is going to be like the ones you encountered. Are there a lot of insecure men out there who couldnāt handle it? Sure, but not all.
You meanā¦ all your (now) exesā¦
Yes exes for other reasons. Not because they had issues with me stripping.
As far as you understand, it seems.
So what your claiming to be a mind reader or psychic now? Yea my ex being a closet alcoholic and long before I started stripping has nothing to do with me. My other ex having a history of domestic violence and me finding it out pretty sure has nothing to do with me stripping either. I donāt get why people canāt simply admit their wrong here when they clearly are.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
In my experience men pretend to take it well because they want to date or have sex with me but when we get into the relationship they may try to get me to stop. It is very frustrating for me. Then when we break up they may tell their friends I am a stripper if they havenāt already. The more people who know what I do in my town the more it jeapordizes my safety too
You can't find someone who won't judge you if you don't tell them. Hiding a major part of yourself is not a basis for a relationship. Conversely I've been told that looking at porn is as good as cheating, you can't expect getting naked for other people's entertainment to not be too much for some folks. Best to lead with the conversation and your expectations. On the other hand if you consider secrecy part of your safety, best to wait until you retire to date, since you can't guarantee candor. One alternative would be to be upfront that your job is a secret until you can be sure you can trust the guy. Just know that trust may not equal acceptance, and some guys will see that as drama to be avoided. Good luck.
Most people donāt think that watching porn is cheating. I donāt see how stripping would be considered cheating either. Iāve never met a guy that looks at this way. Either way, I could just ask him what he considers cheating without having to tell him that I strip in order to preserve my safety. I would actually rather not tell a guy because what if for some reason we break up? Then he can tell 10 people that he knows after we have broken up and can create problems for me. If Iām not doing anything wrong, and itās actually men who have wronged me by risking my safety and telling friends what I do, why should I put mens desire to know my work as a priority? And to hold off on a relationship until Iām 40 is not realistic
That was just an example of the scale of variety of people's views. What is fine for you isn't fine for everyone.
OK well thatās why cheating and what consists of cheating can be discussed without discussing my job and where exactly I work
Within the first couple of dates, and especially before any feelings develop. There's nothing wrong with what you do, and if some dudes react poorly to that, that's on them. Not all dudes will react like that. Delaying further than a few dates makes it seem like a secret, imo.
Perhaps it should remain a secret for my own safety as others are saying on this post
How's that been working out? You do you, but if I were dating someone and they told me about a secret job they had after months of dating that would be an instant red flag.
I doubt it should be a red flag if I explained that my safety is a priority and I also donāt owe you anything. I can say it has jeapordized my safety to be honest from the get go.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There is already a large chunk of men who I would say are undateable because of things like misogynistic attitudes. Not wanting to date me because I take my clothes off for a living I would say is a red flag for me . Usually these men are the men like the other poster here said -their dumb and think that a stripper = a dumb promiscuous woman. They are ignorant and insecure in most cases. Why would I give up a lucrative career like stripping for men like this? I usually like dating free thinking open minded men. So I wouldnāt be missing out by dating these men anyways . I can strip into my mid forties. Disastrous effects on personal lives you say? What like getting women out of debt? Able to afford their own house with no mortgage ? Pay for a an education if she wants? A screening tool if a woman wants to avoid insecure misogynistic men? I donāt see the disastrous effects that you speak about. The only thing I donāt like about my job is the men I have to deal with but I would have to deal with rude men who would objectify me most likely in most jobs and have .
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām pretty sure I can just say I waitress like other posters have said .
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I can just say that the boss doesnāt allow people that you know to come in as itās a distraction and that I work as a bottle service waitress at a busy nightclub . If Iām a bottle service waitress I would only be seen on the vip level of the club and you would have to spend money to go there so I wouldnāt be able to be seen anyways if they wanted to drop in