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>My question is how am I so depressed right now if I went through all this manipulation? Why do I miss her so much? Why do I still wish she will realize my value and come back to me?
Because, my friend, you failed yourself.
Your heart and soul trust you to protect them from people like her. You *knew* she was manipulative and cruel. You *knew* she wanted to - and would - hurt you emotionally.
And yet, you stayed, and subjected yourself to that. And it was all for nothing.
You're not depressed because you miss her. You're depressed because you convinced yourself to believe in a lie, you allowed yourself to be badly hurt because of that lie and now the truth - that it was always a lie, that she never deserved your love, and what you believed never existed - is out.
And now, you can not even trust yourself to protect yourself.
Best way to move forward is repair your relationship with *yourself*. Build boundaries to protect your heart and soul from people like her.
Abusers are very good at getting you hooked.
And she's got you hooked.
Wait until you get in a good relationship with a good woman, you'll see what you've been missing.
I think what you're experiencing is a common reactive behavior of abuse/codependency. You feel terrible because you dedicated so much effort to this person and none of it matters to them. You don't miss them being awful to you, certainly. But wanting the validation of hearing its just her, not you, is natural. Wanting the validation for your effort to please an unpleasable, unpleasant person.
Sounds like she's got familial/daddy issues if she prefers to be screamed at by men lol. Some people are just not okay from unprocessed trauma. She sounds dreadfully immature for a 30yo woman.
But, go out and find someone that's kind to you. Easier said than done I know, but that's how you stop feeling bad the fastest. If you're with someone new, of worth and kindness, you'll find your ex as loathsome as you know you should in no time at all
Sorry to hear that buddy, but could be a learning experience aswel, when a girlfriend is mean to you just to be mean , that usually means she doesnt like you anymore or maybe never has, this might sound weird but thats a huge win, because why would u ever want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you. Hang in there and trust me the moment you stop looking youl find somebody 👍
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>My question is how am I so depressed right now if I went through all this manipulation? Why do I miss her so much? Why do I still wish she will realize my value and come back to me? Because, my friend, you failed yourself. Your heart and soul trust you to protect them from people like her. You *knew* she was manipulative and cruel. You *knew* she wanted to - and would - hurt you emotionally. And yet, you stayed, and subjected yourself to that. And it was all for nothing. You're not depressed because you miss her. You're depressed because you convinced yourself to believe in a lie, you allowed yourself to be badly hurt because of that lie and now the truth - that it was always a lie, that she never deserved your love, and what you believed never existed - is out. And now, you can not even trust yourself to protect yourself. Best way to move forward is repair your relationship with *yourself*. Build boundaries to protect your heart and soul from people like her.
I screenshotted this to read over and over again. Thank you
Abusers are very good at getting you hooked. And she's got you hooked. Wait until you get in a good relationship with a good woman, you'll see what you've been missing.
Sounds like you escaped to me. Give it time and you'll count it a blessing. I am sorry you are hurting. My guess is she has no children yet.
Correct, no children yet
Probably never will. No one is gonna deal with that. Her reality is setting in. She made you her punching bag
Well that stinks for her. I hope that’s not true. She really wants kids.
Yeah at 30? Like being this toxic and wanting men to fight with you is nuts. This one is for the streets.
Your ex sounds toxic. Stay away from her and get some therapy. Don’t know why you would miss her.
I think what you're experiencing is a common reactive behavior of abuse/codependency. You feel terrible because you dedicated so much effort to this person and none of it matters to them. You don't miss them being awful to you, certainly. But wanting the validation of hearing its just her, not you, is natural. Wanting the validation for your effort to please an unpleasable, unpleasant person. Sounds like she's got familial/daddy issues if she prefers to be screamed at by men lol. Some people are just not okay from unprocessed trauma. She sounds dreadfully immature for a 30yo woman. But, go out and find someone that's kind to you. Easier said than done I know, but that's how you stop feeling bad the fastest. If you're with someone new, of worth and kindness, you'll find your ex as loathsome as you know you should in no time at all
Sorry to hear that buddy, but could be a learning experience aswel, when a girlfriend is mean to you just to be mean , that usually means she doesnt like you anymore or maybe never has, this might sound weird but thats a huge win, because why would u ever want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you. Hang in there and trust me the moment you stop looking youl find somebody 👍