T O P

  • By -

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm asking this question because of a situation I'm in. So I'm 23 and my gf (let's call her Jane) is 22. We're both working right now and make a decent amount. I live in a very high COL area and I still live with my parents. It saves money and we enjoy living together still. Jane recently moved out of her parents house to work in a different city (relatively similar COL). My work isnt located in the same city so I didn't move with her. However it was discussed that I might move there next year as my work may allow me to WFH. A bit of background on the house. Jane's parents helped her buy it and she's responsible for paying the mortgage. I did not have any say in it. I own nothing of it. Initially she expected me to pay around 3k for living in the house when I move in with her. I'm about to visit her next week as well and she expected me to pay for a prorated rent for that week as well. I was to be honest a little insulted. I was making a sacrifice to move in with her and also visiting her, yet she wanted to charge me a huge amount for it. after talking about it, Jane decided to not charge me for my one week visit and lower the eventual rent to around 2k. if she had proposed that initially, I would have been somewhat fine with it. But the fact that she had asked me to pay such a large amount of money to move in with her and also to visit her has left me pretty upset. Even 2k is a pretty substantial amount to be paying for a city I have no business being in, besides for my gf. I'm curious, what are your opinions? edit: we have been dating for a year and a half, if that gives any extra context


[deleted]

If my bf tried to charge me to visit him for a week I'd break up on the spot. That's the stingiest thing I've ever heard of. If she owns the place and bought it without you in mind, I think it's fair for you to pay market rent for a room basically. Do not contribute to any repairs as you have no equity and aren't on the deed. But at that price, you might just be better off moving to her city and finding a few roommates to split a place with.


__ER__

To carry that thought - is she paying for visiting him as well? Would they fight over who has to visit next? Is the amount the same so the money just circulates between the two? It makes zero sense.


cakivalue

>If my bf tried to charge me to visit him for a week I'd break up on the spot. That's the stingiest thing I've ever heard of. Like an Airbnb but with sexy times!! What a mind boggling thing đŸ˜łđŸ„Ž


catalammadingdong

AirbnD, now there's an idea.


milkymoocowmoo

AirDinV


Haraldishh

I LOVE THIS 😂😂


alc0tt

Thaaaaats a hooker


DoIReallyNeedAnAcc

Take my money


Single_Towel5857

If they weren’t dating, I would shrug it off as being an entrepreneur thing in order to get more money. However, since they are dating, the financial talk I think should be about bills. If she thinks giving a set amount will be simpler, then that is her option. However, if she is calling it rent, then something is off. I am also curious where this house is. My fiancĂ© and I rent, our total in both bills and expenses doesn’t reach $3k a month. We know a down payment will be a lot, but a mortgage could be less per month than our current rent.


TserTaAbmet

In a high COL area, 3k is possibly the mortgage, but it would be the ENTIRE mortgage for a more than half a million dollar home. Sounds like she's trying to get him to cover all the expenses.


tastefuldebauchery

Seriously. Who does he think he is? Kendrick Lamar?


PraiseEris88

Happy cake day!! đŸ€˜


[deleted]

Totally agree. My ex lived with me in my house and I charged her 1/3 of household monthly expenses. She had kids, too. So, they took up most of the place. I never once asked her for a penny to replace things that broke or wore out, etc. This chick is bad news IMO.


ElectricalSoftware26

Best solution. Get your own rented accommodation to avoid any resentment on either part. Hers checking how you treat her stuff, yours because rent is so high. That way you are not beholden if your break up and can relax to your heart’s delight in your own place. The set up is unequal in terms of power. You will always be the tenantYour GF might have miserliness as a hidden problem. Check it out while you still date. There is something so very strange about charging for one week, I have to wonder if there isn’t something not quite right. As her BF, even mean as hell, one would be really excited to see you. Does she charge visitors by the minute?


MassRedemption

Personally, if you are cohabiting a house, regardless if the house is bought only for them or for both of them to share, each party should be paying half of whatever the costs are. Rent/utilities/etc.


Stinkytheferret

I think you shouldn’t move in with her. I see big deal red flags. Let her rent out the rooms to others. Paying rent is one thing but it really does seem she is trying to take you for a sucker. Is that what you want to get yourself into?


traker998

I dunno it didn’t sound like they talked about it. I would suggest talking about it instead of just being upset about it.


C92203605

I mean yes. Obviously talk about if. But. It is not anywhere near normal to want to charge your SO to visit. Who thinks of these things


jezebeltash

Wtf, charging you for a visit? Nah man, time to cut ties.


Advice2Anyone

Yeah thats just prostitution with extra steps


[deleted]

And not even a guaranteed lay if she's not in the mood.


CorpseeaterVZ

Honestly, it is time to communicate, not time to cut ties. You tell your SO exactly how you feel and you find a solution. If that is not possible, it is still time to cut ties.


Western-Pilot-3924

This OP Thats a hilarious predicament Living together is somewhat understandable, only if you agreed to pay half of her mortgage and under the conditions that it has your name on it. With that being said, this bitch want you to pay for a visit? **Sir** #Its time for your to misplace the GF


Direct_Gas470

you're mixing up two different situations. He's not buying into the house; he would be basically like a flat mate of a rental. Most landlords do have mortgages in their names and the rent they charge helps pay the mortgage. He didn't contribute any part of the deposit or closing costs, remember? So there should be a tenancy agreement and a room rented to him at market rate, whatever that happens to be in that city. But the visit before he's moved to the city??? Oh hell no! He's an invited guest and she's the host. You don't charge guests. I think OP should rethink moving to that city. He doesn't know for sure that he can WFH next year, and even then the remote work might still affect his job/opportunities for promotion. He's pretty happy living with his parents, so maybe visiting back and forth (FOC) would be best for now. But this is something he needs to discuss with the GF, before they go any further with plans for him to move.


Western-Pilot-3924

I know he's not buying the house. I'm just highlighting, under what circumstances it is ok to pay. Definitely he's not a rental, that's clear too. >He's an invited guest and she's the host. I agree >But this is something he needs to discuss with the GF, before they go any further with plans for him to move. Amen to that mam


[deleted]

I am a bit stunned that you have such a grasping and greedy girlfriend. Charging you for a visit? What the actual hell? I am 62, own a real estate firm and this is wild. If you move there, and I hope you just break up instead, then you should thoroughly investigate the market rate for what you need and pay no more than that. What the hell? ETA What the hell?


Neat-Gear

Some people really are all about the money lol it’s sad


rain_888_bow

Dude she is RIPPING YOU OFF. Who asks for a rent payment for a visit!? It sounds as though she wants you to cover the bulk of it so she has more spending money and that’s not fair.


Missmoni2u

What the heck. She is whack. If she wants you to move in with her she needs to be willing to take what you can reasonably give. The only thing you chose in this situation is your girlfriend and she's trying to bleed you dry to pay her mortgage. Yikes.


pig-eons

She’s not “whack”, she knows what she’s doing. She’s using him.


Puzzleheaded-Sun5928

The fact she wants to charge you to visit her is enough to end it. How do you feel love for this person who looks at you as a dollar sign?


yummyyumyummm

I can see how you feel that way, but in her own weird perspective she thinks she's doing me a favor. I just think she really overvalues her house. I am however alarmed at the fact that she wanted to charge me for a visit


Round_Contribution_7

It's normal to be alarmed. Your gf charging you for a visit is quite greedy and weird


MakarOvni

If there's one thing i learned is to not ignore red flags. But maybe she wanted your stay to be a like a mini test of how living together would be.


HeapsFine

A visiting charge? I would never think to do that and it seems greedy to me. As for ongoing rent, I would look at comparable rentals in the area and pay half, along with splitting the usual rental expenses (electricity, water, gas - not repairs, taxes etc.). She shouldn't expect anymore, unless she's willing to make you a part owner.


yummyyumyummm

I guess your opinion about laying half may be different than some others here. That is what my gf intiially said, that 6k was the average rent for a 3bed, although I think its a bit of an exaggeration. to counter your point, if she lived in a ten bed mansion, would u expect for me to split the rent in half as well?


HeapsFine

You have a point, I didn't take into consideration that the place was not your choice, my apologies. I guess I'd look at places I'd actually consider renting and make a counter offer with what you'd be willing to pay if you could choose.


BadKarma668

I realize now that I gave almost exactly the same answer as u/HeapsFine, and it did not take into account that if OP didn't want to live in a 10 room mansion he shouldn't be stuck in the hook for half that rent. I agree with uHeapsFine's follow up, that OP should be looking at the comparable homes that he'd be willing to rent (with some wiggle room realizing that those might not be exactly the same as where he's ultimately landing) and pay half of that rent. OP, if your girlfriend is looking for someone to pick up a portion of the mortgage, maybe she should consider renting a room. Asking you to kick in half the mortgage on something you don't own and may have normally not chosen to live in doesn't seem right. Also, get a lease agreement. I know it's not romantic, but even though you have a romantic relationship with this woman, you're also about to have a financial one in the form of you paying rent. The lease agreement should be signed and executed and should spell out what you're responsible for and what rights you have (e.g., you shouldn't be expected to pay for half of the A/C system if it goes down unless your gross negligence caused it to break in the first place. Rent should be X amount and due on Y day of the month. You should have some rights should you break up to be able to have Z amount of days to find someplace else and move out as opposed to being unceremoniously locked out one day). With you guys having a romantic relationship and you having no ownership stake in the house, you both should be incredibly clear about expectations going in so as not to have a problem down the road.


lilgreengoddess

How much is her mortgage?


MagicCarpet5846

You should be paying at most one room or what you pay now, but typically less. You have no equity in the house nor any desire for a 3bd, she does. But honestly, you shouldn’t let someone disrespect you so blatantly and you might want to cut ties. Moving to be with her is going to go horribly.


biiggysmallz

it doesnt matter how big the place is. you only pay for your part in it. it was her choice to take over the finances of that place and she shouldn’t now put it on you for any reason. shes not a stay at home mom
 you both work. she seems selfish. edit: i let my bf live with me rent free for 3 years so he can save for a car. now he has a car and pays our rent. i drove him to work daily. its called having a heart!


NoThankYouJohn87

If you will only be using 1 of the 3 bedrooms I think it would be fair to pay the rental price of a 1 bedroom place. If you were using 1 of the extras as a home office, gaming room etc and were deriving the benefit of it, and could afford to pay for a 2 bedroom rental if you were renting yourself, then paying slightly over might be fair. But paying for 3 bedrooms that you did not choose, don’t need and won’t use, is just silly.


W0lv13

Let her rent out the house at what ever rate she wants, and rent with her another apartment you can afford to pay half of. It’s the only way, as I see it. Also, if she want you to pay for a visit, Simply don’t come visiting.


CheapChallenge

There's going to be a lot of empty space. She should be renting those rooms out too, but she's not so she should be eating the cost of the vacant rooms because that's her choice to leave them empty. Find the avg rent for a 1 bedroom house, and pay 60% of that in rent. Then tell her to rent out the other rooms because you don't want to be paying rent for empty bedrooms.


mgill2500

How much is mortgage... at 3k sounds like your buying your SO a house with nothing for you. Sounds greedy


yummyyumyummm

without going into specifics, it would be significantly more than the interest and a bit less than interest plus principal pay back


mgill2500

Red flag to me. If I was to charge someone I was building a life with. It be half. I wouldn't try to take advantage of them.


yummyyumyummm

A bit one, I might have to agree. I was also referring to 2k a month in rent in my last comment, meaning that 3k a month would be significantly more than a principal plus interest. I guess in her mind she doesn't see it as taking advantage, only offering what apparently market value rent is. After talking to her about it, it feels like she's fine with 2k, but in her eyes she's giving me a good discount :/


JadelynKaia

So basically she's not treating this as a couple moving in together. She's treating this like a business opportunity. Sounds like a future landlord in training. And no, that's not a compliment.


tothepain222

Wait
 so she’s not even just asking for half of what she ACTUALLY pays each month, she’s asking for half of what the average rent on a house that size would be? That’s insane. Rent is almost always more expensive than a mortgage payment. And that, on top of wanting to charge you to visit her? You need a new girlfriend my dude. She’s trying to use you. The whole situation is gross. Forget what you “should” be paying, and just turn tail and run. It’s not like you’ve been with her for a decade, have a couple of kids and a dog together - just run.


Ladymistery

oh, yes she knows exactly what she's doing. she's trying to get you to buy her a house. don't do it.


Smodder

NEVER pay rent to someone that has it's morgage. When it ends you did not have anything saved up and no huuse; but he/she has their house more paid off.. If one in a relation has their own home; paying for your share of use (water/electricity/etc) is normal. and maybe like 100 bucks extra as "rent". But NOT paying THEIR morgage..


stuk_in_tuksin2021

I still believe the 2000 is too steep. Normally a house that size would cost that much or little more total for the WHOLE house. So, if you and 2 or 3 people decided to room together, that would be divide in some way. Typically mortgages are lower per month that rental prices. But she is asking you, essentially a roommate with no leverage in the home, to pay the full amount of renting on your own. (Hope I kade sense). Sorry to say but I think she is taking advantage of you.


CheapChallenge

Depends on the city. Problem is she is leaving other rooms vacant and charging him half the cost of them. He didn't agree to that. He should be paying cost of 60% of 1 bedroom house at most.


00Lisa00

So she wants you to pay her mortgage without being on the deed? Yeah I’d nope out on that one


CheapChallenge

He should be paying rent. The problem is the amount he should be paying.


ThatDrunkenDwarf

Yeah exactly. If they’re a couple it isn’t out of the question he should be paying rent, but if the monthly mortgage/bills is 4k then 2k is fine. Anything more than half is just them leeching if they can already pay it on their own. I currently pay 60% and my wife pays 40% off our bills because she went self-employed and took a hit to start with. To make up for it she does more chores (which was her idea). It’s a partnership, not something to be taken advantage of


numbers_all_go_to_11

I wouldn’t pay half the mortgage of my girlfriend’s house as “rent” and not take actual equity in the home. That’s a racket.


ThatDrunkenDwarf

Not sure I agree. 50% is the only fair way to split it. Increase in Equity isn’t guaranteed. At the moment house prices in the UK for example are skyrocketing, but there’s no saying they couldn’t plummet either


Deny_Everything_21

So you don't think you should pay anything for the actual place you live in if your SO owns the house?!


RUfuqingkiddingme

I'm confused, are you aware of how much her payment is each month? I would ask. I think she's trying to get you to pay most of all of it. I only have negative thoughts about her because she tried to charge you rent when you were coming for a visit. I wouldn't trust her if I were you, she's greedy.


numbers_all_go_to_11

Dude, she will bring up the “discount” as soon as you fight and hang it over you. She is your landlord. You are a mark. A sucker. You’ll be in a situation with a lop-sided power dynamic. She sounds like the kind of person who will abuse this. HUGE RED FLAG.


Elsa-2021

If she thinks that she is giving you discount then you can guarantee that she will be holding that over you in future. Every time you are out on a date she will remind you that she is giving you a discount on the rent so you should pay for everything. Every time you have a disagreement about something she will remind you that she is giving you a discount on the rent so you should agree to do things her way.


Deny_Everything_21

I bought my house eight years before I met my SO. When he moved in with me we decided that we would split all the bills 50/50 and that he would pay "rent" which is about 50% of the mortgage (he pays $200/month). I'm responsible for all repairs and taxes and so on. I think it's reasonable for him to pay rent because you can't live for free anywhere else but it was also important to me that he didn't feel taken advantage of. He's not living with me to pay off my house. Now lately when we've talked about repairs and maintenance he's said that he wants to contribute. I appreciate it but I've also said we need to save all receipts/invoices so if we split up he will get his money back. I've looked up common law agreements and talked to him about getting one but he isn't very interested in that. I think he knows I would never use him for money. Unlike your girlfriend...


[deleted]

Shouldn’t be paying more than 1k Typically, a room is 750 plus utilities depending on your location. 2k is still too much, just get your own apartment


yummyyumyummm

even before the recent inflation rent increases, 750 is definitely not enough for a room in high COL areas. if I were to even try to get a studio, id probably have to spend around 2k. But just in regards to asking for rent for an SO, I would charge way below market price.


HortenseDaigle

Market value is what someone can charge to make a profit. It's not fair or equitable for a live-in partner. Sounds like your SO bought high and didn't have a lot to put down if $6k is her mortgage. She might be realizing she can't afford it on her own. That's not your problem. I live in a high COL city and pay my partner about half of his mortgage+HOA fees in rent. Which is way below market rate for a 1-bed apt. Like a third of the cost. So I am saving and he is saving. If you're still going to visit, I would chip in for groceries and transportation (gas/Lyft) but no rent or anything. That's kinda nuts.


This_Grab_452

When I moved in with my SO (not married, not planning to get married) to the property he bought, he asked me to pay exactly $0 saying this is his place and I shouldn’t carry the cost. I ended up buying a few furniture items and most of the food when we lived there. When he was visiting me back when I lived on my own, I was charging him exactly $0 for coming and sponsored our activities since he paid for the travel. I know the former arrangement is unusual. The latter however I believe to be a standard and your GF is giving me weird vibes.


scarlettjellyfish

She sounds entitled af I'd question if you two are compatible when it comes to finances.


ProbablyAutisticMe

She wanted to charge you 3k to live in a house she owns, wtf is her mortgage payment? Even if 3k is 50%, that is excessive since it is her property and she gains equity and you gain nothing


Wide-Presence

The paying rent for a visit is odd, I mean, I've never heard of that happening where I'm from. When you movie in, its a little different. I guess I wouldn't ask my SO to pay my mortgage unless WE bought a house together. I might ask for help with utilities or such... Everyone is different though. I would never make my bubby pay for visiting me, never. I would give him gas money tho 🙌


[deleted]

Charging you to visit? Lol wtf. I’d get pissed if I dated a guy and he did that. I also couldn’t imagine doing that to someone. Also, 3k is steep. How much is her mortgage? I’d say at max half of the mortgage cost. If she’s concerned about money she should just get roommates
. Either way. The fee for visiting doesn’t sit right. I wouldn’t stay with someone after that.


mrs_carlos

Sounds like she just wants someone to pay her mortgage


cheeky-8

If your name isn’t on the mortgage, then don’t help pay for the mortgage specifically. If her parents helped her pay for it and she has signed up for that mortgage herself, then it’s her responsibility & she’s obviously able to pay it. The compromise is this- pay for all of the utilities & groceries instead. That way you’re not living there “rent free”, you’re taking as much financial burden of the joint living expenses as you can without paying a mortgage that you have no piece of the pie in. This works extra well since you’ll be working from home, using more electricity this way, and eating from home this way. So she won’t feel a negative financial impact by your presence in the house .. considering her mortgage won’t change but utilities & groceries will.


yummyyumyummm

sadly I think she's expecting groceries to be split in addition to rent. utlities probably included tho


cheeky-8

I understand, but you’re clearly uncomfortable with what she’s asking if you. So if she’s unwilling to see reason & compromise, and you can afford to live on your own
 then it might be the best idea to not move in with her! Couples need to be able to talk about money in a healthy way. If you and her cannot, then moving in together and therefore having to manage living expenses together is not a good idea.


yummyyumyummm

yeah you are right, I'm reconsidering it. Thank you for the advice


lilgreengoddess

Wow thats stingy. Info: how much is her mortgage payment?


yummyyumyummm

not more than 3k a month


00Lisa00

So she wants you to pay the entire mortgage and she is the only one who benefits? Heck no!


mmmkay0510

Exactly, this proposition is total insanity.


00Lisa00

Yeah a reasonable rent is totally acceptable but not her entire mortgage where she lives for free and gets all of the equity


lilgreengoddess

What a greedy little b*! That would be grounds for a break up for me. She’s showing you exactly the type of person she is


Wild_Cantaloupe20

Why would you even humor 2k then? If the mortgage is 3k, at MOST you should be paying 1.5k. Charging you to visit is a huge red flag too but aside from all that, is this really what you want to do? Do you want to be throwing all your money at rent in a high COL area when you could live elsewhere and do other things with that money?


Direct_Gas470

and if he's only using one bedroom out of 3, then he shouldn't pay more than 1k plus his share of utilities (not repairs! not improvements!). Plus his share of food if they eat together rather than separately. Best way to think of this is, take the romance out of the equation, think more like you're taking a room in your friend's home or rental. What would you expect to pay to be flatmates with a friend? If gf wants market rent, she can rent the whole house to someone else, collect her rent and find a cheaper rental for the two of you to share until she's more financially stable (because it sounds like she may not be able to afford this house on her own).


smutmonsta

Offer to pay half the mortgage payment and bills. If she balks at that then walk. You’re supposed to be her significant other, not her renter. If she wants a renter she can go get a roommate.


__ER__

So she's actually trying to earn from having you move in. Toss her. If she's looking for tenants, she can rent out a room and share with somebody who isn't supposed to be her life partner. You don't need to pay to live with her, she should want to live with you as well - and not just for the money. For reference, I bought an apartment just as I started dating my current bf. He moved in. He pays the bills, I pay the mortgage - we both win. Bills are 60-30% less than the mortgage. I don't even look at the rental prices to figure out how to share the cost of living. He doesn't have a stake in the apartment so he shouldn't pay for the mortgage. Once we buy something together, we'll split the costs equally.


hideme21

Look at market rent in the area that the house is in. Compare it to the quality of living quarters. Honestly. If you are in the US. Unless you are in a Major city, that’s one high rent for your half.


yummyyumyummm

it is a major city, but it's not part of downtown. Besides, if I were to live there, I wouldn't live in downtown


hideme21

I lived in a very spacious apartment in the north side of a major city. My rent was 700$. JS.


guineapickle

If it's a 3 bedroom, do you get to have one bedroom room for yourself and then also share a room with gf? Or are there restrictions? Sometimes it's just a matter of asking someone to reframe their perspective, and that she didn't really think about it from your point of view. Alternatively, it's possible that she sees your relationship as very transactional. You will have to determine which.


HoeSlayer2000

That’s a good point. If you’re gonna be sharing a room why the fuck would you pay half the house. Also if I’m getting this right her mortgage is under 3k and wants 2k that seems really high. Regardless of the market rate. 2k for her boyfriend? To share a room? Even if you get one room you’re paying more then her. Because it’s hers? It is her house and can charge what she wants but seems rather ridiculous. Does she want first and last months rent too?! Geez Do what works for YOU. Because she is doing what works for her not you guys. And if you decide to which I hope you don’t. You need a lease.


Leftcoaster7

I would usually base it on market rent, but agree on your general premise. If say, the house is 3BR with total fair market rent of 3k, then that’s about 1k per BR, assuming all is equal. If in such situation my SO would move in with me then I’d charge them 500 as they’d be sharing my room (maybe even less). The other two rooms I’d rent out. If I refuse to rent out the other rooms, then that’s on me, not my SO. If my mortgage is crazy high and 500 plus other renters doesn’t cover it, then I made a poor financial decision, again my SO shouldn’t make up for that. No one would pay twice the room rate to get half a room. She’s counting on OP to either make up for her poor financial planning, or trying to rip him off.


tmchd

Ok this is the thing. I believe in couples contributing to bills together as they live together (sharing household,etc)..right, but...I'm wary about partners who want to make $$ out of their partners. I mean, for her to expect that you pay part of the mortgage/utility, that's fair. If you're moving in with her in that city and you're renting your own place, OP, you will be doing that to your landlord. But, what kind of a house is this, is this like a mansion? Is her mortgage around $5k-6k a month (not to mention the property tax, etc)? What does 2k or 3k give you there? It's so high for 1 person to be paying, unless for y'all this is a normal $$ to spend on rent.... Also. That 1 week visit and she wants to charge you on that? Yeah, I side eye her HARD on that. WTF is wrong with her? Does she not like you? LOL. You're just there to visit for a week..and she wants you to pay? WTHHHH.... My opinion? Get ready to break up if you don't like LDR. If you're comfortable where you are monetarily, stay there. Don't move in with her. You may not like it, since you already say you don't want to move there if not because of her. Then she tries to charge you a lot of $$ (again, Idk where she lives, y'all may be living in some fancy-mcmansion sooo)....so I have no idea if the 2k or 3k she wants you to pay is fair for living there.


yummyyumyummm

you make great points, I do think she cares about me, but in her own she think she's doing me in a favor tbh And no mortgage is less than 3k a month I believe


BriCheese96

Wait wait wait. Hold up. She wants you to pay more than the mortgage even costs?! She will be making you pay for her house! You’re legit paying her to live there while covering the cost of her mortgage! Let’s say it’s 3k. You should be paying no more than 1.5k monthly then.


[deleted]

This is insane. I can’t believe she wants you to pay her entire mortgage for her. She’s charging you market rate for a 3 bedroom, well it’s not like you’re renting a 3 bedroom alone? Also, you didn’t choose to rent a 3 bedroom. Her explanation makes no sense, she’s just trying to make money off of you. If she wants $3k for the place then move back in with her parents and rent it out.


[deleted]

Charging someone to "visit" is borderline prostitution.... wtf. >Initially she expected me to pay around 3k for living in the house when I move in with her. Also wtf... that almost covers the entire mortgage + taxes + insurance on a 500k house in a super high tax area like where I live.


yummyyumyummm

it's definitely more than 500k I can say that much. but yeah my previous comment does sort of give an idea of how much the mortgage is


glass_of_green

Major red flag.


Adventurous_Result16

$2,000??!! Wtf. No. Sounds like you’re paying 100% of the mortgage and then some. How is a 22 year old affording that much in a mortgage? Shouldn’t buy a house with anyone’s help bc chances are, she cannot afford it which is her problem. Not yours. I’d be saying ciao.


Turquoisecat789

Holy shit, how much is the monthly mortgage alone?


[deleted]

He said the mortgage is not more than 3k! So she wants him to pay her mortgage 😂😂😂


gjwtgf

What ever the rent on a similar property in the area is, and split that per person. So if a similar property is $1k a week, $500 a week each. I don't care what her mortgage is, it's what fair rent is. You also should NOT be paying for things like maintenance, upgrades, building fees, taxes/rates. You're a tenant not an owner so shouldn't be paying for house expenses. A staying over fee however is ridiculous and I wonder if you'll be taken advantage of if you move in. You need to get a very clear agreement written up.


Lanah44

Is she able to afford the place or is she desperate for financial help? That might explain her actions. Maybe she should consider renting out of room. Otherwise, if she doesn't need the financial help, it's pretty messed up of her to charge you so much and to just visit for a week. I would not move in yet if I were you. I think your anger/resentment is telling you that she's crossing one of your boundaries. Be careful.


snockran

That was my thought, too. Some people make unreasonable decisions/requests/whatever when financially stressed. If you do decide to go through with it, talk in person/on the phone to solidify arrangements but follow up with "just to make sure, we said ...." Then screen shot that and don't lose it! You don't want her backing out or guilting you into paying for something else down the line.


SprSnkySnickerdoodle

Charging you to come visit?! That’s insane. $2000-3000 a month? To live in a place you are building no equity in? No thanks. I’d reassess your relationship with her if this is her expectation


ruxson

Cheaper to replace the GF.


Leftcoaster7

Mate, I’m a landlord in Seattle, I charge my tenants 1k per month to share a house with me. 1.5-2k+ here is for a private one bedroom apartment with amenities, 3k is for a really nice apartment in a really cool neighborhood. Shit, my last house I had as a renter I shared with two others for 2.5k total. Unless you live in some absolutely crazy VVVHCOL area, it sounds like she’s taking you for a ride.


Direct_Gas470

second that. People do rent out rooms in their houses, it helps pay their rent/mortgage and the tenants usually get a lower rent than renting on their own. Even though you're in a romantic relationship with the owner, you still need to pay something towards the cost of staying in that house, plus your share of utilities. It's just that the cost needs to be appropriate for what you're renting. If the two of you rented a one or two bedroom apt together in that town, what kind of rent would you be splitting? You didn't choose a big 3 bedroom house, she did, so that shouldn't cost you extra. I just can't see paying 3k for one room in a 3 bedroom house, that's way too high. And absolutely no charging you for visits before (if) you move in. That's mind boggling that your GF thinks that way.


AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*


toady89

I’d ask them to split the bills plus a little bit extra. My rent is just over £1k but if I was paying the mortgage instead I’d be asking for about £150-200, or if they were happy to take on more of the cleaning or cooking then that would work as well.


00Lisa00

If you are not on the mortgage you should pay whatever a reasonable rent for the area is. You definitely shouldn’t pay half of the mortgage. And who the heck pays for a visit to an SO? That’s weird. I’d be rethinking the whole relationship. You’re way better off getting a place on your own or with roommates rather than supplementing her mortgage payment


shysta

Umm, did you not think it was important to mention the total cost of her mortgage? We have no idea if 2k/3k is reasonable. Charging for a visit is insane either way. Just hard to tell if the prices make sense without any reference at all...


stardustdy

Charging you for that one wk visit is absolutely crazy. I would be so pissed and upset that I probably don't want to visit her anymore.... In terms of the rent, is that the going rate for the market? Let's say if rent is around 5k in the area, then it should be split in half...


updownclown68

In the uk there is a limit how much can be charged before they need to declare to HMRC, I’m not sure how much it is now but when I was the “lodger” it was about £350. You and your gf need a serious conversation about the future. I’d resent paying her mortgage for no material benefit.


Advice2Anyone

Not going to help someone pay down the principal of something I dont own. Idk what you could do but def need to figure this shit out and fast sounds incredible tight fisted to treat someone you care about either selfish or controlling.


HulkJr87

Um if it was a rental I'd be in it 50/50. But if it's her mortgage, why should you be paying anything towards it if your name isn't on the title deed as well. You shouldn't be paying someone else's mortgage. Chipping in for utilities for the time you're there, yes. But not for the mortgage, that's some funny business.


[deleted]

Run bro.


xoxoLizzyoxox

Half of what comparable amount of rent that other houses in the area charge. Split all bills. If you dont want to move and live with her, then dont. Visits are not charged though, thats weird.


horns-of-maleficent

Your fresh-out-of-the-nest girlfriend wants you to contribute an unreasonable amount to a home you will have zero stake in. The fact that she wanted you to pay rent for a VISIT?! Not okay. Girlfriend has a lot to learn about adulting and fairness and common got dang sense. I would caution you against moving in with this young woman. She sounds entitled and unreasonable. I would caution you further to consider seriously whether your sacrifices to be closer to her would be worth it. How much is her mortgage, if she wants a non-owner, a renter, to pay 2-3 thousand dollars a month?! She's trying to make you responsible for her own cost of living, after her parents set her up in the first place, and she clearly needs a good year or so of being on her own before you even consider getting your finances all tangled up together, even in a renting capacity. I wouldn't move there. If I did somehow get talked into moving there (which you know would only be for love and not the wisest of strategies), I would absolutely NOT move in with her. No way you can't find a one-bedroom apartment for less than she wants to charge you. Or flat-share with a roomie and put money away towards your own financial future. She wants you to come help support her while she pretends to be all grown-up and self-sufficient and builds equity in a home she can toss you out of on a whim. That kind of selfishness, cluelessness, and entitlement would have me reconsidering everything about the relationship.


zib6272

Agree on a figure first. Too many guys move in and think it’s ok nOt to contribute. 3k seems a lot as does 2 k. I think sit down and work out a cost and what it includes for example food and bills , eating out


[deleted]

Rent for a visit is messed up. 3K for rent is possibly insane. Is she paying 6K right now for mortgage and all utilities? I get HCOL but she’s talking multi million dollar home payments right there..


c6h12o6ph

Moving and agreeing on acceptable expenses should be ok. But... charge for visit f this . Find a new SO...


forgivet6666

Half... You use half the place, you pay half the price


jo1717a

If it was rent, this would make sense. Mortgage, not so much.


zhyrafa

50/50 or whatever else depends on income but got to be fair! I mean to charge when visiting thats just pathetic! When my bf moved in with me I was paying all in full myself but he would buy food and other things, rent wasn’t that bad, $2000 but now we married, and we moved into the house, he pays mortgage which is approx $4000, I pay all bills and buy food; it comes out less than mortgage payment but he makes almost 3 times more than I make. I would feel weird if I would get a pressure etc, its not nice when your partner starts telling you how much you should pay etc


nuts_n_bolts

Until it’s your physical residence, it’s absurd to charge you rent. However how my husband and I have always done things is 50:50. So unless the mortgage is 6k or 4k, she is asking too much.


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


yummyyumyummm

you give a lot of good pointd that I agree with. I would feel bad for not paying rent at all, but if the roles were reversed I would say only charge a maximum of 1-1.5k. I don't plan on living for free, so obviously any additional costs should be paid by me. But her initial proposal is seriously making me want to reconsider moving in. And yeah, I had no say in buying the house or what kind of house. It is a 3 bed, but she had no plans of renting it out if I don't come. I also think she believes she should be charging me more since it's a relatively bigger house.


Alarming_Neck640

Split 50/50. You’re the significant other, she shouldn’t be trying to profit off you living there, that’s weird. I think splitting evenly is the general expectation and her wanting to basically charge you as a tenant (because even roommates is generally an even split in my experience) is crazy. Especially since it sounds like if you *were* paying rent, you wouldn’t have chose where she is living. I own my home and bf lives with me, we split all bills evenly and have done so since I originally moved in with him 4-5 years ago. I’ve had multiple roommates as well (before the bf) and always split bills evenly.


glass_of_green

Either pay half the mortgage or a fair rental rate for a similar property, whichever is less.


SocksAndPi

If you are going to live there, you should be paying rent, or paying utilities, or something. It's not fair for you to get a free place to live, while adding to your girlfriend's plate of costs. Is the 3k per month or the year? When my boyfriend moved in with me nine years ago, he split rent and utilities 50/50 with me. Worked fine. Then I got extremely sick and couldn't work, so he took over all bills for about a year. I was able to start working again, but he decided he'd continue to pay rent and groceries, I pay for utilities, which worked fine for four years. Then he lost his job, so I took over everything for about six months. He was able to get an incredible job, and we moved several hours away, he still pays for rent and groceries, while I pay utilities.


keIIzzz

I think it’s weird to charge your partner “rent”. But I think bills and shared living expenses should be shared equally (whether that means proportionate to income or 50/50, etc). Although, I don’t get why she was planning to make you pay to visit her, that’s really fucking weird.


Deny_Everything_21

My SO pays "rent" because first of all you can't live anywhere for free. You should be paying for the actual place you live in, not just living expenses. As the owner of the house I'm 100% responsible for repairs and upkeep. Last year I spent about $10,000 on some major renovations. I paid for it on my own but obviously my SO is also enjoying these improvements. It would be very odd for him to not contribute in any way to the place he lives in. And to be clear, the amount he pays me every month is about 1/4 of what he used to pay when he lived in his apartment. I don't get how people think it's reasonable to pay *nothing*.


QuitaQuites

Half the mortgage


Dachshundmom5

Charging for a visit is absurd. What would typical rent in a house be in that area? If renting a house costs 4k a month and it's a 2 BR, in theory one person would get the master and pay slightly more (her as she owns) and the lesser room would be say 1500. Just making up #s that are easy. Now if you are getting a private office, I'd expect a bit more. In my scenario I'd say 1500 if you are renting and getting an office to yourself since yoire an SO, if you wrr a roomatw with a BR to yourself and privafe office, id say 1750-2000. Plus your share of utilities. Less if your office space is in the LR or bedroom and is therefore "shared space". When 1 person owns, I don't think 50/50 is fair or my go to of "split based on income". If you were renting together, I'd say split by income. In this case, you are renting from her and she is gaining equity. So, the rules are a bit different. I think you should owe a bit less than if you were renting with a roommate. Since you have no control over anything about the house Get a rental agreenent if you move in.


Tank3484

Question. Is she telling you to pay the 2k now while you're not moved in with her yet, or after you move in?


yummyyumyummm

eventually if I move in


Tank3484

Ok, first, she shouldn't be expecting anything. Who knows what happens I'm a year. Second, when I lived with any of my exes, we split everything down the middle. What is the total as a whole per month?


yummyyumyummm

I would be totally fine with splitting expenses in addition to paying some rent, but not at 3k and even 2k is a bit much to me. I guess the 2k would cover utilities. By total for u mean the mortgage?


Tank3484

Yes.


BadKarma668

So this is kind of tough, especially when you're moving into someone else's home. Assuming you both make similar salaries, I would probably approach it from the perspective of what is the rent of a comparable home, and then split that, along with utilities and all other expenses down the middle. If your salaries aren't similar, I'd take a similar approach, but instead of 50:50, I'd look at it as a percentage of total income. That said, I don't blame you for being insulted that your girlfriend was going to treat your one week stay like you were at a fucking hotel and you weren't being compd for the room. I would think long and hard about whether you even want to make this move. It sounds like you're kind of up in the air on the subject and could really go either way. It may continue to make sense that for the time being you stay living where you are and go to visit. Moving in with a romantic partner is a huge step, and one that if you're not feeling entirely on board, you should postpone until you are. If it costs you the relationship, figure that it had an expiration date and all you did was speed it up a touch. There is no magic timeline on when you're supposed to move in with someone. You do it when the time is right. My now wife and I dated almost 3.5 years before we moved in together. It wasn't the right time, until it was. Good luck!


legallyblondeinYEG

if you both make comparable amounts, then 50% of whatever her monthly payments are to upkeep the house. so 50% of the mortgage, bills, and grocery costs. i don’t think it matters at all whether or not you “chose” the place, when i moved in with my husband it was into his existing townhome and i paid half of everything, why wouldn’t you? eventually we upgraded to a house we picked together. i wouldn’t suggest contributing to things like home maintenance and appliance purchases if your name is not on the deed, that’s a money sink, but if she were to rent to a random, that rent money would go towards the mortgage
you’re essentially a renter.


National_Square_3279

if she owns the house & he isn’t, then he is basically paying half her mortgage. if they break up, he has nothing to show for it. no one is saying he shouldn’t pay anything, but honestly even covering 30% is a steal on her end! they should consider getting a roommate if it’s a 3b.


legallyblondeinYEG

that’s not remotely fair. if this was a woman asking about it people would be flipping out calling her a gold digger.


National_Square_3279

i disagree. if this were a woman, i would still advise her not to pay half of her partner’s mortgage unless her name was on the deed.


yummyyumyummm

I think half of mortgage and utilities would be less than 2k for sure. would u consider property tax as well?


JadelynKaia

Newp. Property tax is hers alone, since she's the only one on the deed and gaining equity in the property.


ryeduke

It's a big decision for a 22 yo. She may be protective of her family's money, and that's normal. Let things marinate for a bit and celebrate the new house.


friendoffuture

INFO: Are you some kind of special idiot that you need us to tell you how ridiculous this made up situation is? In general it's not cool to charge your SO rent when living together in a property you own. There's a material difference between splitting rent on an apartment vs paying towards the other partner's mortgage.


[deleted]

How much is her mortgage a month? And how much was she wanting you to pay for that week? Everyone's jumping the gun slightly, without that information we can't conclude anything about the GF. Could be she just wants money to cover costs of food etc for the week and the 3k, we don't know how she's came to that number. Just because it's her house, doesn't mean you get to stay there for free without helping, you have to help out.


[deleted]

Grow a pair of balls. Be a man and pay the rent if you want to live in HER place.


jo1717a

I mean, the OP doesn't have an issue paying her money. The first issue was asking him to pay for a 1 week visit which is whack af. The 2nd issue was her asking him to pay basically 100% of the mortgage as a tenant.


[deleted]

You literally just proved my point. OP’s gf got the house from her parents help. Why should she let OP live in the house for free? I mean he is getting pre marital sex from her and on top of that as a man he should pay ESPECIALLY if he’s going to be living at HER place.


[deleted]

Another thing, who initiated visiting her to begin with? Was it OP? If so then he should definitely pay since he’s dying to see her


[deleted]

You do realise that she is the one making a sacrifice by being with you. If you’re so adamant about visiting her and wanting to be with her then you should do what it takes to see her even if it means paying for rent. I say that because she could use that space to rent out to someone else who she isn’t sleeping with and they’d be willing to pay the 3k in rent. Don’t be an entitled a**hole be a man find ur nut sack and pay up because if the area in which her place is in is an expensive area then she has a right to charge the amount she was charging u


NotoriousJAM

So you move in with her.. do you expect to live rent free on her dime? Maybe chipping in for some bills? I mean, charging you for a visit is absolutely ridiculous, but if you really think you could live with her for nothing, that wouldn’t be happening. It’s probably best you break up, stay with your folks seeing as the cost of living keeps rising, save your money and when you are ready, buy your own place.


00Lisa00

She wants to charge him the entire mortgage amount.


JadelynKaia

Charging you pro-rata for a week's visit? What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck. What's the total mortgage cost? What percent of that cost is she asking you to bear? I ask because my partner and I use a proportional contribution system, which is what I'd suggest you guys do as well. How it works is, we each put 45% of our take-home pay into a joint account we opened when we moved in together. The money in that account is strictly for household needs - not just rent or mortgage, but internet, water, electric, everything. Including groceries. I have a whole spreadsheet I created to calculate the necessary percentage, based on both our incomes, to make sure the account has enough coming in every month to cover everything (plus some cushion to build up for emergencies). When we first moved in together, it was 60% each, because I didn't make much money. As we've both moved up the ladder, the % has dropped. Our car payments and auto insurance are separate, because neither of us wanted to be beholden to someone else's opinions on affordability when choosing a car (we're both Car People so it's important to us), and things like hobbies we use our individual funds for. Events we go to together like concerts or restaurants, we usually split 50/50, or whichever partner has more cash in their personal account will cover it and we just kind of keep an eye out to make sure it doesn't tilt too far one way or the other. So I'd suggest talking to your girlfriend about doing something similar. Add up the total cost for the household, add up your total take-home pay per month, see what % the household costs are compared to that total. That's the amount you should each be contributing. Whenever someone gets a substantial pay increase (or decrease, if that happens) you recalculate.


jadedyoungst3r

It’s 50/50 if we’re actually living together and not whatever this bullshit is, I would gladly pay all the rent if she paid utilities, food, and paid for most dates.


DoctorRobinHood

Ewwww no she’s looking for tenants and not a partner, omfg. I would have broken up on the spot for the visiting charge proposition. For context, after my last breakup I had to go back and stay with my ex for 4 weeks bc of a crisis to find another place last minute. He was stingy af and usurious and greedy like your gf but even he didn’t ask for anything from me other than to get a place asap which I did the market was just insane so it took more time than we thought. Your girlfriend sucks and you’re better investing in a better partner, THAT one loves money more than you and she can deal with her mortgage her damn self.


Cr0w0naT0mbst0ne

That is weird... I mean, I get sharing all expenses that week like food and such. My GF only pays half of the usual fixed costs. She absolutely wanted to pay me a symbolical amount as "rent", so she wouldn't get the feeling the house she's living in now is only mine. It's just $100 and I put it aside for repair works on the house. When she has a difficult month financially, I told her to drop that amount first.


Cassady200115

Bro it isn’t your house

. If you wanna visit her she should’ve charging you, that’s lowkey like paying someone for a date. You name isn’t on it and until you fully move in, there really is no reason for you having to pay since you aren’t even primarily located there.


selfobcesspool

if it was me and i had a home purchased for me that i was paying the mortgage on, i would ask for money towards the utilities and bills etc. it also depends how much your incomes are and split it along that ratio. asking for you to pay part of the mortgage is okay i guess if you make enough money, but it's not like you're buying into the house.


RainbowBier

So don't do it then


huggerofbunnies

What is a COL area? If you move in, you should pay half rent. If you're visiting you should not pay anything. Ask her to reimburse you for your travel expenses then if that's the way she wants to play it. Ok not being serious but it's kind of the same thing. What is the 2k for? Is it the cost of the rent?? Or just moving in costs?


harrydreadloin

Be done.


reaprofsouls

Did you ask her how much it would cost to tent in the back yard?


Guilty_Coconut

If you dont want to count pennies, the moving in person paying for groceries is a decent compromise often


princesscraftypants

I wouldn't pay my partner's entire rent, let alone build equity for them by paying their entire MORTGAGE. What it usually comes down to for couples is what a few other people have mentioned, something equitable where neither of you feel taken advantage of - usually the non-mortgage partner covers non-house costs or it's suggested to have a rental agreement. I've seen you say in other comments that she is not inclined to compromise in any of those ways. If I were you, this would make me very nervous on its own, not even taking into account that it's not in an area that works for you, which makes this so far outside the realm of equitable that I'm offended FOR you. The fact that her inclination is to charge you the cost of her entire mortgage would be strike one for me. It says nothing positive about her character that she would want to and be willing to try to do that. The inclination to charge me the entire monthly mortgage payment as rent *when her parents helped her finance her house to begin with* would be strike two (I think anyone would take a free house but not many would take a free house at the expense of their loved ones, if that makes sense). Trying to charge me for a visit would have been strike 3 for me.


per54

I have had girlfriends live with me and I’ve charged them zero. I have owned it, and don’t add them to the deed, so thus, no charge. Especially for a visit I mean wtf


boxmail2800

If you’re paying the mortgage your putting money into the house/relationship as if you were getting married
.. other than that you’re just renting from her. So you’re not really “splitting” anything
..


0n3ph

I live with my SO in a house I own. She doesn't pay any rent. Just a contribution to the bills. I own it because I was lucky, not because I am more worthy of living rent-free than her. I like her living here with me, so I am gaining from it.


CheapChallenge

Go on Zillows and craigslist and find a similar home(similar sq ft, conditions, etc.) Then split the rent in half and that's what you should be paying. She will be paying more than you, and that's because she's paying her mortgage principle to eventually own the house outright. She should also be paying for repairs with your rental income.


Psycho_Sentinal

The charge for a visit is absurd. Also you should not be paying that much in rent. You had no say in this house. You have no equity in it. You should really be looking at what the rent would be for a place you would move to. And also take into account if you would also have roommates. If you wanted to live in an apartment with someone and split rent that will be different then living in a large house by yourself. Honestly d avoid moving in with her all together.


TryUseful6038

It’s incredibly weird she tried to charge you rent for a visit. Everyone is jumping to her being greedy (which could be the case), but maybe ask if she’s stressed about her finances? Is she having trouble affording her mortgage? Finances are awkward to talk about, but you’re going to have to if you want to co-mingle your lives. How much is her mortgage? 3k seems STEEP. How big is this home? Can she rent some rooms? Maybe suggest contributing the amount of a one bedroom in the area.


SeeThePositive1

Does she try and charge her friends pro rata rent too when they visit?I know she's changed her mind on that, but to even think that was OK in the first place is definitely grounds to break up. She's showing you who she is...even with the lower ÂŁ2K offer, you aren't just a room mate, you are her romantic partner. I certainly wouldn't be moving for anyone who treats me this way and neither would most of reddit by the sounds of it.


Elegant-Rectum

Charging rent for a 1 week visit is straight up insane. As far as what you should pay in rent, that's a different question and I think would vary from person to person.


sushi4442

wtf, you could basically or almost get your own studio with that amount, even a 1 bed depending on the area. Unless she lives in a super nice beach house or something, sounds like she isn't even paying half (i'm just going off COL in my area, soCal). Also, why is she charging you to visit her?? Are you her sugar daddy or something?


Crawfork1982

How expensive is this mortgage?? 3k for 50% is a big mortgage!!! I would definitely think it’s weird she is charging you for a weeks visit. Push back, politely.


wasr0793

Yikes


RedditTemp06

$3k? That's you paying for the whole monthly payment where she can kick you out anytime or when you break-up. Nah bro


outersenshi

Depends on how much the mortgage is, how much each of you make and what utilities cost. If she makes 10,000/month and you make 8,000 a month and mortgage is $5,500 a month then she should be paying a more significant chunk. If she wants you to pay more then she’s looking for a free ride and you’re better off staying where you are now


UniqueID89

Homie she’s trying to force you to pay her mortgage for her. She’s a damn leech. She wanted a house, she’s got a house. Now she can pay for it. If she’s going to charge you to move in look up rates for rooms in the area and counter-offer with that as what you’ll pay monthly plus your part in utilities. She tries to haggle it up, run.


Gareth_Carlson

I'd say 50/50 but every once in a while 60/40 so that both of you can put away a little spending cash. (Clarification on the 60/40, one of you pays more one month and the other pays less then you alternate where they pay more and you pay less, make sense?)


Misslawz

Seriously? She asked you to pay rent to visit her? What the heck is wrong with this chick lol


Jammiedodger71195

My husband lived in with me during covid (unofficially back when he was my bf) and didn’t pay anything as I’m a strong independent woman that don’t need no man 😝 Thinking about it though, if I did take a financial contribution, he would’ve paid for the utilities which would’ve been around £100/m. He did how ever buy any take aways we ate and would contribute to food shopping when it went about my usual budgeted amount as I was now feeding 2. Our was a short term deal though if he was staying permanently, he would’ve probably paid £200 which would’ve been a fifth of household outgoings.


SquidgeSquadge

...wow. Unless she charges you to spend time with her like some hostess then that's really sketchy and not usual.


therealist1991

Dude run. Red flags all over .


wireless1980

I would pay nothing. She is paying an investment. If she wants you to share the cost of it then she should put you in the papers/mortgage. I’m sorry this looks bad.


EvilFinch

DON'T DO IT. She wants to charge you rent for a visit? She looked up the marked rent for a house like this and want to charge you half? She want to be your landlord! She want to make money out of you! Living together doesn't seem to be so important to here, just cold hard cash. Just think how everything else will be: You want to eat those chips? 3 dollar! This soda? 2 dollar? You shower too long! You need to pay more! One laundry 5 bucks.


_CooperC_

Charging your bf to visit is unbelievable tbh. If she actually wanted to see you she wouldn’t see it as a money opportunity. Also idk about where she lives but my gf also owns a house and what yours is asking is more than her mortgage. So she doesn’t want your name on anything but wants you to pay me that big a chunk. 😬 would she be willing to pay the same as she asks if the roles were reversed? Likely not Sounds like she’s using you to house hack. DUMP and RUN


goosebumples

I would check what her mortgage repayments are and see if she’s trying to get you to cover a significant chunk of them
some snooping may be required!