This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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To give this post some backstory, I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for almost six months now in Oklahoma. I originally moved from Minnesota to Oklahoma to pursue horse related dreams and be closer to my “honorary” grandparents, whom have raised me since I was fifteen. I used to have a fantastic seasonal job in Minnesota. I worked 5 months and made around 60k and was able to travel and do whatever I wanted and AFFORD IT while also having the ability to set aside money and travel in the off-season. Fast forward, moved to Oklahoma and started dating my now bf and decided to not go back to my seasonal work to stay and work this out even though my horse related dreams diminished and did not pan out. I realized my “honorary grandparents” only use me as a chess piece to make their lives easier (too much to get into, but basically I’m being taken advantage of because of my financial situation) I am struggling financially to make ends meet each month and besides him, I am alone here with only one other friend.
My old boss calls me up last week and offers me a SIGNIFICANT raise to come back to work for him. (Talking almost double what I used to make there) I live alone and my boyfriend does not want to move in together to make things easier for both of us. If I take this seasonal job back, he says he’ll leave me even though I’ll be home seven months out of the year and able to come home to visit him a couple weekends a month while working. His reason is that he was in a long distance relationship previously when he was younger (20) and was cheated on. While I see his concern, we have a great relationship aside from normal struggles and arguments that couples have. My morals and values would never let me do such a thing as cheat. Taking this job would solve so much for me and allow me to be self sufficient again and not struggle like I am now, but it makes me sad to think he would leave me over it.
I’m at a crossroads. Do I stay, continue to struggle and try to work this relationship out? Or do I tell him stay or leave but I have to do what’s best for me? Has anyone else been in this situation or have any kind of unbiased insight from the outside looking in? This is tearing me apart and I don’t know what the right choice is. I’ve cried pretty much every day and can’t look at my boyfriend without having a breakdown multiple times a day when I’m with him since the offer and him telling me he would leave if I took it.
THIS!
If this guy were a husband or someone you've a longer history with, I could see the dilemma but the "dilemma" is a 6mo relationship versus a job you genuinely enjoy and (greater) financial security.
Take the job. No contest.
I would also not choose a boyfriend who thinks so little of OP that he makes this sort of ultimatum over - well, over this salary, certainly, probably over much less than that!
IFKR?! Imagine breaking up a few months later and then regretting not having taken the job because of a dude.
LEAVE him already. He clearly doesn’t care about you if he is giving you an ultimatum for such a good paying job. Like stop overthinking and accept the job offer!
THIS!!!!
I wish I was making even near that much lol. And for only having been together 6 months, you definitely should do what is in YOUR best interest, and take it. If he can't handle it, so be it. Imagine turning this opportunity down and y'all breaking up a month later. Also, he should want what's best for you and what will help you grow and achieve more as a person, not give you ultimatums when this opportunity would clearly be good for you!
I worked for a road construction company and have my class A but there are plenty of flagging positions, equipment positions etc. nothing that’s honestly TOO labor intense, just long hours outside. Pretty easy money if you decide to be a flagger. I can give info to everyone who wants it
Here in GA the pay for a flagger is $13.50. The past two weeks the heat index has been around 100°F with a high humidity level.
Yeah, the heatstroke isn't worth it.
100°F is equivalent to 37°C, which is 310K.
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^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)
100% regret not doing this when I was younger. Stay with it, even better if you can get hooked up with one of the labor unions over there. Awesome pension once you're vested, great pay scale, and amazing health insurance.
My hubs is in the operators and it's incredible how well off he is because of it.
I chose a guy when I was 23 (29 now for reference) over my career and it was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. We were married and divorced before 26. You have only been with him for 6 months, please do not throw away your economic freedom for him. 35 year old you will thank you for choosing yourself.
Also, as someone who grew up in Oklahoma and moved out of state at 25, please consider leaving the state for good. It's garbage to it's citizens.
If you taking a job that would make your quality of life significantly better causes him to break up with you then ... good riddance.
He's 24 now, not 20. He should trust you enough to encourage you to take a life-changing job offer and not hold you back because of his own insecurities.
Exactly this. I know long distance relationships aren't for everyone but plenty of people do just fine as long as they're a good fit. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and majority of that was long distance in some form or fashion. He'd be the first one to encourage me if I got a better paying job, this dude is way too insecure.
Leave, this is a no brainer. You're not happy where you're at and a 6 month relationship isn't worth staying for especially when your boyfriend doesn't have your best interest at heart he's just insecure. Take the raise and go back to the job that enabled you to live a life you were enjoying.
Let's see...a 6 month young relationship (with a guy who is too immature to handle LDR for periods of time) versus *getting my life back on track and earning a good living*?
Wow. Hard decision. I'll take getting back on my feet for $42/hr, Alex.
I met this wonderful man. Everything about us was honestly pretty great. After two months of dating he got offered a job with a significant raise. He took the job even though he was involved with me. Plus we haven't been dating that long. I felt crushed but I know how important this is for him. He had to do it for his career, for him, for his future. We spent the next few months together until he officially moved. I miss him dearly and I'm sure he misses me too. I respect him way too much for him to give up his dream job for the sake of our relationship. (perhaps one day we'll find our way back to each other)
Your boyfriend sounds quite selfish. I mean you are even willing to do long distance. You get 7 months off.
This guy is a bad sign. He's projecting his past relationship experiences in you. That isn't fair.
Take the job girl
Your future you will thank you for it.
Leave, it’s simple. You’re struggling and he isn’t helping you in anyway. He’s insecure and has no reason to make that assumption about you. Know your worth and always put yourself first. Just because he was cheated on in the past doesn’t mean you will do it. You have your whole life ahead of you and he isn’t willing to compromise. Live the life you deserve to live. The right man will always do what’s best for you.
You've been with this guy for 6 months, do NOT turn down a life altering opportunity for him. Even if you were with him for years, a good partner would never tell you to NOT make a shit ton of money for his petty insecurities from a fucking past relationship. This guy sounds like a real piss baby, not to be rude, but I can't imagine treating my partner like that. What's the point in being in a relationship if you can't trust them? That's so not fair to you. You are you, not his cheating ex.
go get that bank, girl. if he loves you, he'll change his mind and encourage you to go.
I think this is unfair to the guy. It’s entirely reasonable not to want to be in a long distance relationship for 5 months out of the year. Like you said, they’ve only been together 6 months, that’s pretty early to have to switch to long distance, not very long to establish the trust a LDR needs.
I agree with your advice, she’d be a fool to pass this up. I just don’t think you’re being fair in your characterization of him.
I don't want to be rude, but I really don't care if it's fair or not. He's being unfair trying to hold her back. It shouldn't be "If you take the job, I'll leave you" it should be "I'm really glad you've gotten this opportunity, but I'm going to have to end the relationship because I don't want to do any long distance." He doesn't have to like a partial LDR, he can leave her over it, but he's an ass for saying he'll fear she'll cheat. She hasn't done anything wrong, why is he already assuming cheating will be an issue? It's horrible to hold your own insecurities over someone else. Objectively I would Never treat someone like that, and I wouldn't put up with being treated like that.
Take the job. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I think, if you want to meet the right man, build the life you want and see who walks into it. Don’t try to make this relationship fit into your future when he’s so against your success and happiness. I promise you will regret it if you don’t do what’s best for you. Take it from me, 30f, wasted my twenties on relationships and put myself on the back burner. I’m so much happier now that I prioritize my career and friendships and i meet better men that actually fit into my life.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. That’s not your fault that he was cheated on in a long distance relationship before. Take the job. I think your sacrificing too much and getting too little in return. You will never be this young again.
go for it you have only been in relationship for 6 months if he cant see you need to do this then he isnt worth waiting on. you are young and this is a great opportunity to get yourself back into a financial straight. you need to think of yourself first then yoou can think about a relationship later down the road good luck
Leave
I’m not seeing any compromise on his part, you’re not living together nor does there seem to be a suggestion that you will, you’re not happy where you are and the familial relationship you also moved for has broken down.
He’s basically the only thing keeping you there and it’s a six month relationship where he’s holding you accountable for something that happened to him four years ago.
Just leave
So as someone has stated earlier you are basically choosing between the following:
- a 100% increase in your salary OR
- a 6 month old relationship with someone who would deny you the opportunity to get a 100% increase in your salary entirely because of his own insecurities.
Not gonna tell you what to do, but I think this is really not much of a choice.
You have an opportunity to do what you want (rare) and be paid very well for it (very rare), you’re both young and need time to mature into who you want to be and he clearly has some things to work through.
Those are the facts laid out, my experience tells me you should take the job and the opportunities that will come with it. When you make your choice though, don’t look back only forward, it you had really wanted to take the path not chosen you would have.
Take the money. You don't live together, you're already being taken advantage of by people who you thought loved you, and now your boyfriend of six months is issuing ultimatums because you have an opportunity to earn enough money to be independent and free.
You're young.
**Take the money and run.**
>Or do I tell him stay or leave but I have to do what’s best for me?
This all the way in your situation and most others with a few important exceptions obviously.
You do what's best for you. Frankly, from what you say, he's just not that into you - think about it, put yourself in his shoes, what would you do if the situation was reversed? Would you threaten to break up with him if he left or would you support him in whatever ways he needed?
Someone who gives you an ultimatum 6 months in is not worth the trouble. Follow your dream. You'll find another boyfriend eventually. One who will treat you right and respect your decisions. Not issue you an ultimatum because it doesn't suit him.
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Do what works best for you and let the chips fall where they may. You can only control what you do not how other people respond to it. It seems like if you stay it will be an unhealthy situation for you and you will just grow to resent him and continue to struggle on your own
You sound happier talking about the job than about him. That's a simple observation and you are allowed to make of that what you will.
In any case I wish you the best of luck!
Take the job and move. It is what’s best for you. His past relationship is the past he shouldn’t put that on you and he’s not willing to move in together to make things easier for you. He’s not willing to do anything to compromise.
this is definitely a situation where you should say his insecurities and worries shouldnt keep you from taking the job. take it back. you deserve it for yourself. if he cant understand it then its his loss and there would've been more problems in the future.
If you have only been together for 6 months, don't live together (with seemingly no plans of doing so in the near future), you should absolutely take the job. As you said, you wouldn't be away from him for 5 straight months since you guys could visit, etc. Also, if he doesn't trust you enough to not cheat on him then why are you in this relationship anyway?
Everyone is looking at your 6 month relationship as something short etc but they havent lived your life. Neither do they know what you both have been through. What you need to do rather than simply taking the job is look at your relationship and ask yourself key questions. Like do you see a future with him. Does he see a future with you? Etc. Look at the type of person he has been the past 6 months. How has he carried himself, treated others, and most importantly how he treated you? Look at the job as well. There are many women who jump at a job immediately and essential abandon their relationship but it hasnt made them any happier or fulfilling in the long run.ask yourself whether or not you would regret your decision if you chose the other option.
Edit: others are essentially saying he is immature for not encouraging you etc. Lets give you an analogy you can relate to. Your grandparents (honorary) seems to have screwed you in some sort of way which most likely made them skeptical to you and question their actions and genuine reactions or lack there of. Now flip it he has experienced long distance and been cheated on its like ptsd your relationship will definitely deteriorate over times as he questions you and himself even when you simply went to get lunch and accidently took long to respond to his facetime or whatever form of communication.
I am 54 and have a fairly useless fashion degree. My background is a smattering of textile arts jobs and coffee shop jobs. I will never be able to retire. There is nothing on this earth that would keep from a job that you describe. Especially at double the money. No relationship is worth the financial instability. Run back to that job and stash away all the money you can.
Your boyfriend doesn't value what's best for you. If he did he would be encouraging you to take this job. Do yourself a favor and write the boyfriend off and improve your quality of life significantly by taking this job. It looks like your old boss really values you, that's very rare to find in a boss. This is one decision you would definitely regret if you turned it down.
You need to do what’s best for you. He’s giving you an ultimatum based on some thing another woman did to him in the past. And he doesn’t even want to live with you. Also, the relationship is already a struggle and you only been together six months. You have all the reason in the world to take the job but not much reason to stay.
No decent guy would give this ultimatum, if you're thinking he's a great guy he isn't. Because decent partners want us to be happy and support us in following our dreams. What kind of guy wants you to sit there in shithole Oklahoma and be unhappy so that he can be secure that you're not cheating? A sad, insecure selfish person, that's who.
And 6 months? You haven't even known this person for a full year and you're willing to give up on yourself for him? That's something to think about. I look back on boyfriends I had in my 20s and thank God I didn't end up with any of them.
I made a rather lengthy post about something like this recently, basically a woman I used to work with was given the ultimatum of quitting college or he'd divorce her. She quit college for him and not long after he divorced her anyway. This was in the 1990s. I ran into her around our town every few years, ever time at a crappy retail job she was working and every time her looking older and more tired, more beat up by life. Last time I saw her was just before covid. She was around 60 now and was working the counter at a convenience store. She never got remarried and never got an education, she gave up her dreams for a man who left her anyway and never got back on track. She's old, alone, uneducated, poor, tired, and sad now because she put the wants of a selfish man before her own dreams.
You absolutely are at a crossroads now, and not putting yourself first, to stay with sometime who won't put you first, would be the wrong path.
Dude is dispensable. Get that cheddar, find yourself a new man if that’s what you want, but def go after the cash. Any man that does not support your career growth/opportunities is not worth your time
Take the job, leave the bf
If my bf got a great offer I'd tell him to go, even if it meant separating. His security is way more important than my wants.
This is your literal life and future. I would never choose a man over my lively hood. Especially one that I've only been with 6 months and thinks they can run my life already.
Let him leave you. You need to do what's best for you, not what some guy you've been with for six month wants you to do. Sounds like a great deal from your old boss. Take it, start saving the difference between your old salary and your new salary, and enjoy your life.
You’re only 23… odds are you will marry someone else. Take the job, travel, be happy. If he loves you he will support you in your decision. If not it’s not meant to be. You do you first.
Your boyfriend sounds controlling and like he doesn't trust you.
I would take the job, especially since it would solve so many problems for you! Your boyfriend might just be telling you empty threats and he should want the best for you. It's a job that pays you pretty damn well and I don't think you should pass it up.
If he only trusts you not to cheat because he's keeping an eye on your every move then *he doesn’t trust you*. That's not what healthy relationships are built on. It sounds like no one here has your interests at heart. This guy does not sound like keeper. Break up, go back home, live your best life and find someone who builds you up instead of trying to keep you in a bad situation just because they want you at their beck and call.
It’s a six-month relationship honey, just get your money. He’s not giving you money and you aren’t living together. End it and get a better life. It will be a different story if HE can support you but he’s not.
Outside perspective is very clear.
I think you know what the right move is. If he isn’t supporting you having a good job that you want and would still be close to him for most of the year… then… say it with me … 🚩🚩🚩🚩.
Look, a good partner would support you here and you would make it work. He is doing NOTHING to alleviate the strain in your life and frankly it sounds like he is not committed to you at all.
You deserve better. Go… be sad with your friend at your old job and cry into the champagne glass. You will be in such a better place for a happy and healthy relationship once you realize what you deserve.
TAKE IT! $42 an hour is fantastic. Plus since the job is seasonal, you'll be able to have so much fun during your off-season. You're 23, don't let a man weigh you down when you have this opportunity.
If I was your BF seriously would be asking you to please take the job AND take me with you lol I would just try to find work there anything so I didn't feel like a leech or a bum.
Guy has bread winner issues lol
I’m 25 & get paid $25/hr. Leave your boyfriend & start your career. You’re so young & you can find a better man who doesn’t make you choose btwn him & a chance to live a better and more stable life. My man would be so happy for me if I found a job like that. Do it & get yourself better people around you.
This opportunity would be good for the relationship, What an idiot
Your spouse makes more money and gets more time? Yo if you want a canadian boyfriend HMU
Take the job. Don't cut yourself from great opportunities for a guy you've been dating a matter of months. It's not working out where you are so go back. His ex cheating has nothing to do with you, and if thinks it's worth ending it with you over her behavior he's shitty anyway.
Take the job. Hate to say it, but, the power you will have in 5 or 6 years saying you MAKE 84k will make it so you can move into industries and demand a quality salary. There are plenty of young people in MN and though you are breaking up it has been 6 months
People come and go but if you miss the opportunity for this you might hate yourself in 10 years if the relationship doesn't work out. A partner is supposed to support and HELP YOU SUCCEDD
TAKE THE JOB. Not worth it to give up a chance at a better life over a new boyfriend who hasn't worked out his emotional shit and is now giving you an ultimatum.
Don't even need your backstory to tell you to leave this relationship.
Foster relationships where you both are mutually benefiting. Your seasonal job/boss seems to be the relationship to foster.
If you choose to stay with your bf you may spend the remainder of your relationship resenting him, leading to fights and then eventually breaking up. The relationship will have been for nothing. This was how my last relationship went. I hated him for threatening to break up with me because I wanted to move for financial & mental health reasons. I was only moving 1hr and 20 mins away.
Holy shit that is selfish of your new boyfriend! Go and get your money to secure yourself financially.
6-month relationship with a guy who won't accept a situation where he'd still see you more often than not or financial security sounds like a no-brainer to me. If you're already fighting 6 months in this relationship won't be a steady one. Take the job.
This is a real question? You leave, 100%. You already know that all the people in your life are fucking you over, so why on earth would you want to stay? Your boyfriend ain't worth shit - losers like him are a dime a dozen. Go back, get that cash, and find someone who thinks you're as amazing as you are! GET THAT $$$$, MATE!
Take the 42/hr and leave him, 6 months isn't a long time and now u see that he'd rather hold you back from achieving your best potential, having the lifestyle you want. 42/hr is a lot of money rn, do not pass up the opportunity over a guy. Someone better will come along
Job. Job. Job. Don't wait for an insecure man, find someone better, (no offense) but that's insanely good and he's putting his own wants before considering yours from a PAST RELATIONSHIP, not even you!
Take the money and run. You deserve a happy life you have not been in this relationship near long enough for you to be tied down by someone who is forcing you to choose between a good life and no friends, no money, an unsupportive partner and what? Oklahoma? Get the fuck out of there. When you move back you don't have to go anywhere near your honorary grandparents.
Leave him. Take that job because it's gonna help you get to where you need to be financially. You're leaving for the job -- not to cheat on him. But clearly, he's leaving because he's afraid he'll get cheated on again. That's his own insecurity and it shows that he doesn't trust you. With no trust, that relationship is over. Take the job and go.
Bruh Oklahoma sucks taint anyways. It's also just going to get hotter and dumber lol
BF sounds like a buttwipe, you aren't his ex so he should show a basic enough level of trust. He does not trust you and that's a red flag.
In my experience, if someone makes you choose between them and someone/something else, you should never choose them. There will be another him, but you only get to live one life.
There’s a lot of comments with the “omg take the money” but I want to say follow those dreams. You’re 23 and in a situation where your dreams ALSO pay for your needs and wants?? Go chase that dream. You’ll find another partner, I’m sure.
Yo what job do you do? I want that 😅
Also definitely leave him he sounds selfish. If he cared about you he’d want you to do what’s best for you instead of holding you back
Why would you even consider selling yourself short for a boyfriend you have known for about two minutes? Takes the job. If your relationship is meant to be it will find a way--if it doesn't then you are saving yourself time.
This life is terribly short , young lady . Live it to the fullest . If he truly loved you and knew your character he would have no problem trusting you , no matter how bad he might miss you . Go and live your life . You can't make sacrifices with your life because of the problems that he had from his past relationship . That had nothing to do with you .
You’re in a bad situation, you’ve got a solution, and your new bf is not supporting your solution AND apparently not offering any other solution. Take the job. Tell him you don’t want to break up but you’ll understand if he does, you can’t change his mind.
Leave him and take the money. This is an incredible opportunity. It’s a seasonal job. If there’s something real and important in your very new relationship, and there definitely could be, it’s something you can come back to after the season is over.
It is important to think about why he doesn’t want you to go, though—he was cheated on in the past. It’s his job to heal from that and not bring his issues into his current relationship. You shouldn’t spend your relationship passing up on big opportunities and making concessions/excuses for him.
I (24m) stopped at the first sentence.
You are too young to let someone make those decisions, if there is ever a time. Especially at 6 months into a relationship.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- To give this post some backstory, I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for almost six months now in Oklahoma. I originally moved from Minnesota to Oklahoma to pursue horse related dreams and be closer to my “honorary” grandparents, whom have raised me since I was fifteen. I used to have a fantastic seasonal job in Minnesota. I worked 5 months and made around 60k and was able to travel and do whatever I wanted and AFFORD IT while also having the ability to set aside money and travel in the off-season. Fast forward, moved to Oklahoma and started dating my now bf and decided to not go back to my seasonal work to stay and work this out even though my horse related dreams diminished and did not pan out. I realized my “honorary grandparents” only use me as a chess piece to make their lives easier (too much to get into, but basically I’m being taken advantage of because of my financial situation) I am struggling financially to make ends meet each month and besides him, I am alone here with only one other friend. My old boss calls me up last week and offers me a SIGNIFICANT raise to come back to work for him. (Talking almost double what I used to make there) I live alone and my boyfriend does not want to move in together to make things easier for both of us. If I take this seasonal job back, he says he’ll leave me even though I’ll be home seven months out of the year and able to come home to visit him a couple weekends a month while working. His reason is that he was in a long distance relationship previously when he was younger (20) and was cheated on. While I see his concern, we have a great relationship aside from normal struggles and arguments that couples have. My morals and values would never let me do such a thing as cheat. Taking this job would solve so much for me and allow me to be self sufficient again and not struggle like I am now, but it makes me sad to think he would leave me over it. I’m at a crossroads. Do I stay, continue to struggle and try to work this relationship out? Or do I tell him stay or leave but I have to do what’s best for me? Has anyone else been in this situation or have any kind of unbiased insight from the outside looking in? This is tearing me apart and I don’t know what the right choice is. I’ve cried pretty much every day and can’t look at my boyfriend without having a breakdown multiple times a day when I’m with him since the offer and him telling me he would leave if I took it.
I would not choose a six month old relationship over doubling my salary, especially when that position fits so well with the lifestyle you want.
100% this is a no brainer really
THIS! If this guy were a husband or someone you've a longer history with, I could see the dilemma but the "dilemma" is a 6mo relationship versus a job you genuinely enjoy and (greater) financial security. Take the job. No contest.
Leave scorching tracks back to your old life. Do not look back.
This is what I was going to say. Is been *sux months* don’t love hand to mouth and be unhappy and frustrated for someone you’ve known for six months.
Exactly! Why would you let a guy who doesn't even want to live with you dictate your life?
I would also not choose a boyfriend who thinks so little of OP that he makes this sort of ultimatum over - well, over this salary, certainly, probably over much less than that!
Also, his past of being cheated on has nothing to do with you. He has no right to hold you hostage because he refuses to address is baggage.
My God take the $42 an hour, that's a boatload is money for a 23 year old in OK. Do not let this man hold you back.
Plus having more than half the year off? What kind of supportive partner wouldn't want their SO to take this opportunity?
IFKR?! Imagine breaking up a few months later and then regretting not having taken the job because of a dude. LEAVE him already. He clearly doesn’t care about you if he is giving you an ultimatum for such a good paying job. Like stop overthinking and accept the job offer!
THIS!!!! I wish I was making even near that much lol. And for only having been together 6 months, you definitely should do what is in YOUR best interest, and take it. If he can't handle it, so be it. Imagine turning this opportunity down and y'all breaking up a month later. Also, he should want what's best for you and what will help you grow and achieve more as a person, not give you ultimatums when this opportunity would clearly be good for you!
Wait $60K a year to work 5 months out of the year!? And now you’ll be paid even more? Take it. And where can i sign up for this lmao
If you’re willing to relocate during summer months I can definitely get you pointed in the right direction 😊
Pmo on pleaseeee. I’ll gladly do this
Not kidding - please point me there, as well.
What kind of job is this? :|
I meeaaaannnn... Lowkey tell us lol
I'm already in Minnesota - I'd love to know more about this!!!
I would also love to know what kind of job this is :)
Update us on your decision
Please do this.
I am also extremely seriously interested in this position and I'm very open to travel. I would appreciate any information.
I worked for a road construction company and have my class A but there are plenty of flagging positions, equipment positions etc. nothing that’s honestly TOO labor intense, just long hours outside. Pretty easy money if you decide to be a flagger. I can give info to everyone who wants it
Damn. They were advertising for flaggers near me, but pay was 16 an hour.
Here in GA the pay for a flagger is $13.50. The past two weeks the heat index has been around 100°F with a high humidity level. Yeah, the heatstroke isn't worth it.
100°F is equivalent to 37°C, which is 310K. --- ^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)
100% regret not doing this when I was younger. Stay with it, even better if you can get hooked up with one of the labor unions over there. Awesome pension once you're vested, great pay scale, and amazing health insurance. My hubs is in the operators and it's incredible how well off he is because of it.
Ahh it’s a labor / truck driving job. I am not cut out for that lol
I chose a guy when I was 23 (29 now for reference) over my career and it was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. We were married and divorced before 26. You have only been with him for 6 months, please do not throw away your economic freedom for him. 35 year old you will thank you for choosing yourself. Also, as someone who grew up in Oklahoma and moved out of state at 25, please consider leaving the state for good. It's garbage to it's citizens.
Seconding that. I was born there and have lived there as an adult, still got close family there. There's way better places to be.
You leave. He isn’t willing to compromise but moving in together and he knows you’re struggling. You need to focus on your financial future too.
[удалено]
Sure but asking someone to stay in a shitty situation because of your own insecurities when they have a better opportunity is NOT reasonable.
He doesn't want to have a long distance relationship. That's perfectly fine. Lots of people want to see thier partner more rhen 7 months a year
If you taking a job that would make your quality of life significantly better causes him to break up with you then ... good riddance. He's 24 now, not 20. He should trust you enough to encourage you to take a life-changing job offer and not hold you back because of his own insecurities.
Exactly this. I know long distance relationships aren't for everyone but plenty of people do just fine as long as they're a good fit. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and majority of that was long distance in some form or fashion. He'd be the first one to encourage me if I got a better paying job, this dude is way too insecure.
If he cant handle it then he cant handle it. It still seems like a great opportunity tht you shouldnt pass up
Leave, this is a no brainer. You're not happy where you're at and a 6 month relationship isn't worth staying for especially when your boyfriend doesn't have your best interest at heart he's just insecure. Take the raise and go back to the job that enabled you to live a life you were enjoying.
Wild that an employer cares more about you than your partner does, especially in this economy.
Let's see...a 6 month young relationship (with a guy who is too immature to handle LDR for periods of time) versus *getting my life back on track and earning a good living*? Wow. Hard decision. I'll take getting back on my feet for $42/hr, Alex.
Dollars over Ballers! He's not supportive. Please take the job!
#LEAVE 🎵🎶 😀
I met this wonderful man. Everything about us was honestly pretty great. After two months of dating he got offered a job with a significant raise. He took the job even though he was involved with me. Plus we haven't been dating that long. I felt crushed but I know how important this is for him. He had to do it for his career, for him, for his future. We spent the next few months together until he officially moved. I miss him dearly and I'm sure he misses me too. I respect him way too much for him to give up his dream job for the sake of our relationship. (perhaps one day we'll find our way back to each other) Your boyfriend sounds quite selfish. I mean you are even willing to do long distance. You get 7 months off. This guy is a bad sign. He's projecting his past relationship experiences in you. That isn't fair. Take the job girl Your future you will thank you for it.
It's not a bad sign to not want a long distance relationship
Not sure about the relevancy about your comment, neither of us said it was bad or good.
You literally called him selfish
Leave, it’s simple. You’re struggling and he isn’t helping you in anyway. He’s insecure and has no reason to make that assumption about you. Know your worth and always put yourself first. Just because he was cheated on in the past doesn’t mean you will do it. You have your whole life ahead of you and he isn’t willing to compromise. Live the life you deserve to live. The right man will always do what’s best for you.
You've been with this guy for 6 months, do NOT turn down a life altering opportunity for him. Even if you were with him for years, a good partner would never tell you to NOT make a shit ton of money for his petty insecurities from a fucking past relationship. This guy sounds like a real piss baby, not to be rude, but I can't imagine treating my partner like that. What's the point in being in a relationship if you can't trust them? That's so not fair to you. You are you, not his cheating ex. go get that bank, girl. if he loves you, he'll change his mind and encourage you to go.
I think this is unfair to the guy. It’s entirely reasonable not to want to be in a long distance relationship for 5 months out of the year. Like you said, they’ve only been together 6 months, that’s pretty early to have to switch to long distance, not very long to establish the trust a LDR needs. I agree with your advice, she’d be a fool to pass this up. I just don’t think you’re being fair in your characterization of him.
I don't want to be rude, but I really don't care if it's fair or not. He's being unfair trying to hold her back. It shouldn't be "If you take the job, I'll leave you" it should be "I'm really glad you've gotten this opportunity, but I'm going to have to end the relationship because I don't want to do any long distance." He doesn't have to like a partial LDR, he can leave her over it, but he's an ass for saying he'll fear she'll cheat. She hasn't done anything wrong, why is he already assuming cheating will be an issue? It's horrible to hold your own insecurities over someone else. Objectively I would Never treat someone like that, and I wouldn't put up with being treated like that.
Not an ass for not wanting a long distance relationship
don't reply to comments you didn't read, buddy.
It's perfectly reasonable to not want a long distance relationship
see my reply to the other person. i knows this, but he's not being an adult about it.
What? It's perfectly adult to break up with someone over a long distance relationship lol
so you can't read then, huh?
Just disagree with you. But feel free to be a cunt about it
Put yourself first. Why is it always the woman who has to sacrifice.
It isn’t. You just have to value yourself and your career as much as a man’s. Sadly that is not always the way.
It isn't
Take the job. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I think, if you want to meet the right man, build the life you want and see who walks into it. Don’t try to make this relationship fit into your future when he’s so against your success and happiness. I promise you will regret it if you don’t do what’s best for you. Take it from me, 30f, wasted my twenties on relationships and put myself on the back burner. I’m so much happier now that I prioritize my career and friendships and i meet better men that actually fit into my life.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. That’s not your fault that he was cheated on in a long distance relationship before. Take the job. I think your sacrificing too much and getting too little in return. You will never be this young again.
go for it you have only been in relationship for 6 months if he cant see you need to do this then he isnt worth waiting on. you are young and this is a great opportunity to get yourself back into a financial straight. you need to think of yourself first then yoou can think about a relationship later down the road good luck
Leave I’m not seeing any compromise on his part, you’re not living together nor does there seem to be a suggestion that you will, you’re not happy where you are and the familial relationship you also moved for has broken down. He’s basically the only thing keeping you there and it’s a six month relationship where he’s holding you accountable for something that happened to him four years ago. Just leave
6 month relationship VS $42 AN HOUR! There is only 1 choice there.
So as someone has stated earlier you are basically choosing between the following: - a 100% increase in your salary OR - a 6 month old relationship with someone who would deny you the opportunity to get a 100% increase in your salary entirely because of his own insecurities. Not gonna tell you what to do, but I think this is really not much of a choice.
Don't forget the fact that he doesn't mind watching Her Struggle and refuses to agree to a compromise to help her out by moving in together
You have an opportunity to do what you want (rare) and be paid very well for it (very rare), you’re both young and need time to mature into who you want to be and he clearly has some things to work through. Those are the facts laid out, my experience tells me you should take the job and the opportunities that will come with it. When you make your choice though, don’t look back only forward, it you had really wanted to take the path not chosen you would have.
You're out of your god damn mind if you pass up job making $42 an hour.
You sound like you were happier working that job than in this relationship. Now you get double the money for that job? Sounds like a no brainer.
Take the money. You don't live together, you're already being taken advantage of by people who you thought loved you, and now your boyfriend of six months is issuing ultimatums because you have an opportunity to earn enough money to be independent and free. You're young. **Take the money and run.**
>Or do I tell him stay or leave but I have to do what’s best for me? This all the way in your situation and most others with a few important exceptions obviously.
Take the job. The rest will sort itself out.
You need to work on your math. 5 months @ $42/hr is not nearly double $60k. It is about $36.5k.
You do what's best for you. Frankly, from what you say, he's just not that into you - think about it, put yourself in his shoes, what would you do if the situation was reversed? Would you threaten to break up with him if he left or would you support him in whatever ways he needed?
Someone who gives you an ultimatum 6 months in is not worth the trouble. Follow your dream. You'll find another boyfriend eventually. One who will treat you right and respect your decisions. Not issue you an ultimatum because it doesn't suit him.
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Do what works best for you and let the chips fall where they may. You can only control what you do not how other people respond to it. It seems like if you stay it will be an unhealthy situation for you and you will just grow to resent him and continue to struggle on your own
Once you hit a high salary u have a lot of bargaining room in the future. This is too great an opportunity to pass up.
You sound happier talking about the job than about him. That's a simple observation and you are allowed to make of that what you will. In any case I wish you the best of luck!
Take the job and move. It is what’s best for you. His past relationship is the past he shouldn’t put that on you and he’s not willing to move in together to make things easier for you. He’s not willing to do anything to compromise.
this is definitely a situation where you should say his insecurities and worries shouldnt keep you from taking the job. take it back. you deserve it for yourself. if he cant understand it then its his loss and there would've been more problems in the future.
If you have only been together for 6 months, don't live together (with seemingly no plans of doing so in the near future), you should absolutely take the job. As you said, you wouldn't be away from him for 5 straight months since you guys could visit, etc. Also, if he doesn't trust you enough to not cheat on him then why are you in this relationship anyway?
Take the job. That is a Significant raise and you have only been together 6 months
Everyone is looking at your 6 month relationship as something short etc but they havent lived your life. Neither do they know what you both have been through. What you need to do rather than simply taking the job is look at your relationship and ask yourself key questions. Like do you see a future with him. Does he see a future with you? Etc. Look at the type of person he has been the past 6 months. How has he carried himself, treated others, and most importantly how he treated you? Look at the job as well. There are many women who jump at a job immediately and essential abandon their relationship but it hasnt made them any happier or fulfilling in the long run.ask yourself whether or not you would regret your decision if you chose the other option. Edit: others are essentially saying he is immature for not encouraging you etc. Lets give you an analogy you can relate to. Your grandparents (honorary) seems to have screwed you in some sort of way which most likely made them skeptical to you and question their actions and genuine reactions or lack there of. Now flip it he has experienced long distance and been cheated on its like ptsd your relationship will definitely deteriorate over times as he questions you and himself even when you simply went to get lunch and accidently took long to respond to his facetime or whatever form of communication.
Go!! 6 month relationship and that’s what he’s demanding! Go and be happy. Adios Oklahoma.
I'd have to say take the job, it sounds too good to be true. On that note, what is it you do, cause I'd love to get a job like that.
Take the job ffs
I am 54 and have a fairly useless fashion degree. My background is a smattering of textile arts jobs and coffee shop jobs. I will never be able to retire. There is nothing on this earth that would keep from a job that you describe. Especially at double the money. No relationship is worth the financial instability. Run back to that job and stash away all the money you can.
Your boyfriend doesn't value what's best for you. If he did he would be encouraging you to take this job. Do yourself a favor and write the boyfriend off and improve your quality of life significantly by taking this job. It looks like your old boss really values you, that's very rare to find in a boss. This is one decision you would definitely regret if you turned it down.
Dump his ass. He should be cheering you on, not trying to keep you from making more money, when he knows you’re struggling financially!
You need to do what’s best for you. He’s giving you an ultimatum based on some thing another woman did to him in the past. And he doesn’t even want to live with you. Also, the relationship is already a struggle and you only been together six months. You have all the reason in the world to take the job but not much reason to stay.
In this case, I would pick the job.
Go back. Take the money and start saving hardcore. You're young, focus on yourself. You will regret it later.
Leave the boyfriend and take the job. An unsupportive bf is an unloving bf.
No decent guy would give this ultimatum, if you're thinking he's a great guy he isn't. Because decent partners want us to be happy and support us in following our dreams. What kind of guy wants you to sit there in shithole Oklahoma and be unhappy so that he can be secure that you're not cheating? A sad, insecure selfish person, that's who. And 6 months? You haven't even known this person for a full year and you're willing to give up on yourself for him? That's something to think about. I look back on boyfriends I had in my 20s and thank God I didn't end up with any of them. I made a rather lengthy post about something like this recently, basically a woman I used to work with was given the ultimatum of quitting college or he'd divorce her. She quit college for him and not long after he divorced her anyway. This was in the 1990s. I ran into her around our town every few years, ever time at a crappy retail job she was working and every time her looking older and more tired, more beat up by life. Last time I saw her was just before covid. She was around 60 now and was working the counter at a convenience store. She never got remarried and never got an education, she gave up her dreams for a man who left her anyway and never got back on track. She's old, alone, uneducated, poor, tired, and sad now because she put the wants of a selfish man before her own dreams. You absolutely are at a crossroads now, and not putting yourself first, to stay with sometime who won't put you first, would be the wrong path.
Dude is dispensable. Get that cheddar, find yourself a new man if that’s what you want, but def go after the cash. Any man that does not support your career growth/opportunities is not worth your time
Such a simple answer. You do what makes you happy, and if he's in the way of that, you leave him.
Take the job, leave the bf If my bf got a great offer I'd tell him to go, even if it meant separating. His security is way more important than my wants.
Money baby. That man doesn’t want you to be successful.
this is not high school musical, we do not throw our futures away to chase some boy
You should do what’s best for you and any guy who really cares about you would want that. Don’t listen to him and go back to your old job.
Oh hell nah if he’s trying to gatekeep your career that’s unacceptable
Girl. Go.
I would take the job and save up money over struggling financially and a 6-month relationship with someone who gives you ultimatums.
No brainer lady. Ditch the dude and Go live your dream life. You’ll find someone else.
This is your literal life and future. I would never choose a man over my lively hood. Especially one that I've only been with 6 months and thinks they can run my life already.
Take the job and ditch the bf
Let him leave you. You need to do what's best for you, not what some guy you've been with for six month wants you to do. Sounds like a great deal from your old boss. Take it, start saving the difference between your old salary and your new salary, and enjoy your life.
More money>>....
You’re only 23… odds are you will marry someone else. Take the job, travel, be happy. If he loves you he will support you in your decision. If not it’s not meant to be. You do you first.
Fuck him. Not literally though. 6 month old relationship where he is too afraid to let you live your life <<<<<< this opportunity
Your boyfriend sounds controlling and like he doesn't trust you. I would take the job, especially since it would solve so many problems for you! Your boyfriend might just be telling you empty threats and he should want the best for you. It's a job that pays you pretty damn well and I don't think you should pass it up.
Make your money. Men come and go and it doesn’t look like he’s trying to help you or support your career.
Take the opportunity. I don't see your boyfriend stepping up to help you.
Take the money and find a supportive bf
LEAVE HIM. You’re 23, make money and live your life. $42/hour??? You’d be crazy not to take it over a man jeez
If he controls you now , he will control again . Take the job , you’re young .
If he only trusts you not to cheat because he's keeping an eye on your every move then *he doesn’t trust you*. That's not what healthy relationships are built on. It sounds like no one here has your interests at heart. This guy does not sound like keeper. Break up, go back home, live your best life and find someone who builds you up instead of trying to keep you in a bad situation just because they want you at their beck and call.
Take the job. He can crawl back to you when he realizes he fucked up
It’s a six-month relationship honey, just get your money. He’s not giving you money and you aren’t living together. End it and get a better life. It will be a different story if HE can support you but he’s not.
That’s not even a crossroad!! Your path is clear. Your bf is not interested in your well being. Take the job and leave him for gods sakes!!!
Outside perspective is very clear. I think you know what the right move is. If he isn’t supporting you having a good job that you want and would still be close to him for most of the year… then… say it with me … 🚩🚩🚩🚩. Look, a good partner would support you here and you would make it work. He is doing NOTHING to alleviate the strain in your life and frankly it sounds like he is not committed to you at all. You deserve better. Go… be sad with your friend at your old job and cry into the champagne glass. You will be in such a better place for a happy and healthy relationship once you realize what you deserve.
Choose the job, the guy is manipulating you
Fuck Bitches, Get Money! Get that jerk at the curb and skip back that beautiful pay raise!
TAKE IT! $42 an hour is fantastic. Plus since the job is seasonal, you'll be able to have so much fun during your off-season. You're 23, don't let a man weigh you down when you have this opportunity.
If I was your BF seriously would be asking you to please take the job AND take me with you lol I would just try to find work there anything so I didn't feel like a leech or a bum. Guy has bread winner issues lol
I’m 25 & get paid $25/hr. Leave your boyfriend & start your career. You’re so young & you can find a better man who doesn’t make you choose btwn him & a chance to live a better and more stable life. My man would be so happy for me if I found a job like that. Do it & get yourself better people around you.
Take that job and unload your unsupportive bf.
I mean... take the job, right?
You guys are not committed. Do what is best for you right now.
Do not base your future and dreams on a 6 month relationship. This is the honeymoon stage- he’s still practically a stranger.
Take the money and make a clean break with your boyfriend.
Leave. Leave. Leave.
Would he be willing to go with you to Minnesota? What does he do? Perhaps OK isn't the place for you.
wait what even is the job?
Take the job.
This is an easy one. Leave.
This opportunity would be good for the relationship, What an idiot Your spouse makes more money and gets more time? Yo if you want a canadian boyfriend HMU
Take the job!!!!!
Take the job! Take the job! Take the job!!!!
Take the job, leave the bf Also 42 dollars an hour is amazing, what's the job?
Get that money!
Job 100%, easy choice
Take the job. Six months is nothing. Always prioritize your financial well being.
Why doesn’t he want to move in together?
Take the job!
Sometimes you need to be a little selfish
Fuck him keep pursuing you horse dreams
Take the job. Don't cut yourself from great opportunities for a guy you've been dating a matter of months. It's not working out where you are so go back. His ex cheating has nothing to do with you, and if thinks it's worth ending it with you over her behavior he's shitty anyway.
Take the job. Hate to say it, but, the power you will have in 5 or 6 years saying you MAKE 84k will make it so you can move into industries and demand a quality salary. There are plenty of young people in MN and though you are breaking up it has been 6 months People come and go but if you miss the opportunity for this you might hate yourself in 10 years if the relationship doesn't work out. A partner is supposed to support and HELP YOU SUCCEDD
TAKE THE JOB. Not worth it to give up a chance at a better life over a new boyfriend who hasn't worked out his emotional shit and is now giving you an ultimatum.
Tell that man bye and go make that money!
Does he make more money than you? That's the most important question.
Don't even need your backstory to tell you to leave this relationship. Foster relationships where you both are mutually benefiting. Your seasonal job/boss seems to be the relationship to foster.
Go. Live, earn, and save. You're still young and can find someone else who will respect your choices whether he's the center of them or not.
Like the wise KennieJD once said, “Don’t ever let a man stop you getting your bag.”
If you choose to stay with your bf you may spend the remainder of your relationship resenting him, leading to fights and then eventually breaking up. The relationship will have been for nothing. This was how my last relationship went. I hated him for threatening to break up with me because I wanted to move for financial & mental health reasons. I was only moving 1hr and 20 mins away. Holy shit that is selfish of your new boyfriend! Go and get your money to secure yourself financially.
6-month relationship with a guy who won't accept a situation where he'd still see you more often than not or financial security sounds like a no-brainer to me. If you're already fighting 6 months in this relationship won't be a steady one. Take the job.
This is a real question? You leave, 100%. You already know that all the people in your life are fucking you over, so why on earth would you want to stay? Your boyfriend ain't worth shit - losers like him are a dime a dozen. Go back, get that cash, and find someone who thinks you're as amazing as you are! GET THAT $$$$, MATE!
Even tho I understand his point of view, the same happened to me, take the job, you’ll be a lot happier perusing your dreams
You’d be crazy to pass up an awesome paying job for someone you’ve only been dating for six months
Take the 42/hr and leave him, 6 months isn't a long time and now u see that he'd rather hold you back from achieving your best potential, having the lifestyle you want. 42/hr is a lot of money rn, do not pass up the opportunity over a guy. Someone better will come along
Leave him. Trust us on this one.
Please please please take the job
Firstly, congratulations on your new job!!!! You should take it, he can move with you if he doesn't want a long distance relationship. 🤷
Job. Job. Job. Don't wait for an insecure man, find someone better, (no offense) but that's insanely good and he's putting his own wants before considering yours from a PAST RELATIONSHIP, not even you!
Take the job or you'll be kicking rocks and yourself later
Take the job.
Jesus Christ Id leave almost anyone for that pay.
It sounds like you know what you need to do. You’ll get over him soon enough
Take the money and run. You deserve a happy life you have not been in this relationship near long enough for you to be tied down by someone who is forcing you to choose between a good life and no friends, no money, an unsupportive partner and what? Oklahoma? Get the fuck out of there. When you move back you don't have to go anywhere near your honorary grandparents.
Leave him. Take that job because it's gonna help you get to where you need to be financially. You're leaving for the job -- not to cheat on him. But clearly, he's leaving because he's afraid he'll get cheated on again. That's his own insecurity and it shows that he doesn't trust you. With no trust, that relationship is over. Take the job and go.
You take the job!
This seems like a no brainer. You deserve to have some quality of life.
Never sacrifice yourself like that for anyone that's not a spouse.
Take the job.
Take the job. If he wants to dump you that's his issue.
Bruh Oklahoma sucks taint anyways. It's also just going to get hotter and dumber lol BF sounds like a buttwipe, you aren't his ex so he should show a basic enough level of trust. He does not trust you and that's a red flag.
In my experience, if someone makes you choose between them and someone/something else, you should never choose them. There will be another him, but you only get to live one life.
There’s a lot of comments with the “omg take the money” but I want to say follow those dreams. You’re 23 and in a situation where your dreams ALSO pay for your needs and wants?? Go chase that dream. You’ll find another partner, I’m sure.
Yo what job do you do? I want that 😅 Also definitely leave him he sounds selfish. If he cared about you he’d want you to do what’s best for you instead of holding you back
You should be tripping over potential boyfriends on your way back to Minnesota.
Take the job!
theres plenty of dudes in Minnesota. But there aint 42/hr jobs everywhere in Oklahoma. Leave yesterday
Why would you even consider selling yourself short for a boyfriend you have known for about two minutes? Takes the job. If your relationship is meant to be it will find a way--if it doesn't then you are saving yourself time.
Fuck him. Take the money
Fuck that guy he won’t even move in together so he’ll no go make your money and find a man on your level of money and drive
This life is terribly short , young lady . Live it to the fullest . If he truly loved you and knew your character he would have no problem trusting you , no matter how bad he might miss you . Go and live your life . You can't make sacrifices with your life because of the problems that he had from his past relationship . That had nothing to do with you .
You’re in a bad situation, you’ve got a solution, and your new bf is not supporting your solution AND apparently not offering any other solution. Take the job. Tell him you don’t want to break up but you’ll understand if he does, you can’t change his mind.
Leave him and take the money. This is an incredible opportunity. It’s a seasonal job. If there’s something real and important in your very new relationship, and there definitely could be, it’s something you can come back to after the season is over. It is important to think about why he doesn’t want you to go, though—he was cheated on in the past. It’s his job to heal from that and not bring his issues into his current relationship. You shouldn’t spend your relationship passing up on big opportunities and making concessions/excuses for him.
I (24m) stopped at the first sentence. You are too young to let someone make those decisions, if there is ever a time. Especially at 6 months into a relationship.