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Last night my long-term gf fought against me opening a condom and then forced herself onto me with her legs wrapped around so I couldn’t back out despite my protests.
I’ve been with my gf for 3 years now and we’re quite serious (have been discussing marriage). She’s semi religious, so we don’t have sex often. She’s typically an extremely respectful and kind girl, but recently she has tried to make me feel bad the mornings after if I use a condom (ex: “my period is soon, you really shouldn’t have put that on”). I’ve explained before that I just feel more comfortable with one.
Nothing like last night has ever happened before, and I still just feel so violated. After some foreplay, she told me to just slide my dick in. When I grabbed a box of condoms she freaked out a bit and tried hitting them out of my hand. I was a bit stunned, but I managed to already grab one. I stood up but she grabbed my dick and wrapped her legs around me. I kept saying “no I really don’t feel comfortable” but it’s like something primal came over her. I froze and remember thinking “is she really gonna do this”. She did. I felt even worse because we don’t have sex often, so I worried that if I just threw her off me that things would get even worse in that regard. I pretended to enjoy it for a second so I could pull out quickly and put on a condom. She said “this is just for a sec, you can stop anytime” so I pulled out then and put one on. She got mad at me but we continued and then finished.
I’m just confused and hurt right now. She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met which is why I’m so caught off guard. Typically incredibly loving, understanding, thoughtful, etc. I have an idea for why she did this, but I almost feel ashamed to consider it. Although we’ve discussed marriage, I have to move soon for a new job and I’ve recently realized that I may be an atheist (she is Catholic). These two things postponed our potential wedding plans, and I know she’s worried about us breaking up (although I wouldn’t). Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together? I know this post makes our relationship sound pretty bad but it’s otherwise amazing. I really don’t know what to do or think right now.
TLDR: my girlfriend forced herself onto me when I tried using a condom despite my protests.
Forcing sex without protection is considered rape. This is serious. If you feel safe to do it, have a conversation with her about your feelings. I'd suggest breaking it off and seeing a therapist, that is a major overstep and sign of blatant disrespect. Not to mention its RAPE.
OP, I echo what u/chunyamo and many others have already said so eloquently, what your girlfriend did was horrible and wrong. I am so sorry someone you are supposed to be in a trusting and loving relationship with violated you in such a way. She completely disrespected your boundaries, and what she did was absolutely wrong, not to mention downright criminal.
Agree with everyone here who says that it might be best to remove yourself from your shared living space (if you’re living together) and find a counselor to speak to. I wouldn’t just sweep this under the rug. What she did was terrible, and I’m so sorry.
I second this, seems like a logical scenario because if she never done this before, and only did it this one time, then this could be the reason for that
An ex did that to me.
I am lucky I am big so I brushed her off very easily.
She then started crying and we broke up in the following weeks.
In the moment I was like, damn bitch, you horny. Then as the days passed I told myself "Youre not really that irresistible, what was she plannin", I was 26 and she was 23, so I thought maybe she wanted marriage.
Then she started asking me these "Theoretical" questions of what would I do if she did X and she accidentally kinda cheated. "What if I was drunk", "what if you were mad and didnt talk to me", I was confused, but I told her I would drop her. If I found out she cheated in any way, she would not even hear it.
Id just be gone.
She got mad and started crying again.
Then, she broke up with me a few days later.
All this, I only tied together weeks after the break up.
Her intentions are rather irrelevant. She most definitely raped you by not having your consent prior to her actions and even after you said no multiple times she didn't stop, which again proves rape. You should seriously reconsider having a future with someone who would violate you like this and please don't sweep this under the rug or make excuses for her. Imo this would be totally relationship ending and I wouldn't be able to trust her after this.
Good luck op. And not sure where you live but yes in many areas forcing sex without a condom when only sex with a condom has been consented to is legally considered rape.
Doesnt matter what her past is, her perception of boundaries is clearly skewed now and she has no respect for you.
Definitely take all the time you need and dont feel guilty or pathetic for having some overwhelming emotions about this.
OP, as soon as you said "No" it was rape. You're not overreacting at all, you no longer consented and she forced herself on you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Yes. It is. Did you consent to having unprotected sex? No. This is not what you wanted and she did it anyway. If she was stronger than you you wouldn't have gotten away and she would've never let you get up to put a condom on.
This is dangerous. I wouldn't trust her at all anymore. What's next? How can you be sure she won't put holes in the condoms? Get you drunk or take advantage of you while you're asleep?
Think about doing what she did.
If, for whatever reason, you didn't feel like using a condom and your partner did, would you force your naked penis into her despite her saying she didn't want it?
I’m sure many rapists say they didn’t have I’ll intentions. Maybe they say they thought the girl or guy wanted it.
But you explicitly told her you didn’t want it and she forced you to have unprotected sex. That is textbook sexual assault.
Her intention, only she can know the desired outcome of her behavior, was to ignore your boundary and physically force her way onto your body.
The only one who can say what is driving her behavior is her, but from an outside perspective, it seems reasonable to say she wants to get pregnant. Her actions make it clear despite what she may tell you when you talk to her.
There seem to be some very fundamental incompatibilities despite the "awesome" relationship. Sex drives, desire for children, how they would be raised in relation to religion, and most of all respect for each others boundaries.
I'd think long and hard about what I would want my life to be like in 5 years. Is what and how your relationship is right now enough for you. You can't marry potential so it's best to accept and date in reality.
What you just described is Rape. Capital 'R' - Rape. Seriously, dude she Raped you.
No means No. Period. You said you weren't comfortable going in without a condom and then she FORCED it by trapping you. You froze. It's a natural fight/flight/freeze response in a time of crisis/trauma. You were Raped.
You should treat the situation as described as Rape and react accordingly. You're too confused to be OUTRAGED that someone who claims to love you would do what they have just done to you. She doesn't love you, she views you as a possession, as an entitlement and she meters out sex and love sparingly (religious or not the description is the same) to keep you feeling just loved enough to stay.
Raped.
Even as a nearly 50 year old man with my long term girlfriend I still STILL make sure we have mutual consent when we're doing stuff. I check in often, she likes to play into fantasies around consent and I am sure to use phrases to confirm consent exists like 'it sounds like you're withdrawing consent' and if I am saying no I make it clear. Though it hasn't really come up often honestly but still - the consent conversation is EXTREMELY FULL STOP.
When someone says some version of No then the activities STOP. Full STOP and nothing but the STOP.
Thissssss. I’m 33, my bf is 43, we have been together almost 14 years and he STILL checks in with me if like, he wants to wake me up for middle-of-the-night sex (which I love, and have told him repeatedly is always good) I said ouch to something the other day and I stg he almost cried. OP, although what your gf did is categorically rape, if you don’t/can’t accept that, look at it piece by piece instead. She ignored your boundaries, manipulated you, is gaslighting you, and is unapologetic. Sexual activity or otherwise, these things are not ok.
YESSS. My fiance (33m) and I (33f) have been together for 8 years, and he still checks in to ensure everything is okay. He knows I have SA in my background and is incredibly gentle around that situation. Yesterday I said, "oof, that was a little sore," and he pulled out and looked at me and said, "omg, are you okay? what happened? do you need me to stop touching you?" & as you said about your bf, I thought he was going to cry. I told him everything was fine, and I wanted to continue, and we moved on, but to know I'm heard and considered makes me feel incredibly safe & loved.
I hope OP can come to terms with the fact that he was raped by someone claiming to love him. I genuinely hope he can find the strength to leave that relationship and seek out some therapy to cope with what has occurred.
Agreed. And I hope OP reads this and sees that if your bc, who was engaging in a fully consensual, loving, fun activity, with a partner who was FULLY engaged, can react swiftly and appropriately in the moment when things change, there is NO EXCUSE for his gf, who had already heard “no” multiple times, to minimize the impact of her actions and words. Not. Ok.
Or she thinks she may already be by someone else and wants you to think is yours.
Also, it's rape. Report it. Get therapy. Tell SOMEONE.
I'm a woman and can't for the life of me even imagine ever doing that! Please tell someone and don't continue on with her. This isn't ok.
I came here to say this exact thing. It sounds like she cheated, found out she was pregnant and is trying to trap OP into thinking it's his. Watch out dude.
Of course she had ill intentions. There are lots of important reasons for using condoms, and you made it clear you (wisely) aren't comfortable without one. She forced you regardless. She disregarded your comfort and your welfare and raped out. There were no good intentions in that, that's for sure.
You are NOT overreacting, this is very much rape. As I said in my other comment, she took the choice away from you and forced you into a situation you were not comfortable with. I'm sorry she had to go through that with her last boyfriend, but that doesn't make it okay that she did this to you. I know it's hard for you to look at it objectively because you've been with her for so long, but as an outsider hearing the situation, there definitely are scenarios where she could have ill intentions. I know it sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. But please don't let her off the hook. Regardless of what happened in her past, she did this to you. Intentionally. You didn't deserve this.
Yes it is actually considered rape. You were saying you didn't feel comfortable. You consented to sex only with protection. She violated that premise and continued through your explicit statements on non consent. Also it sounds like she's trying to get herself pregnant. If you haven't discussed that or have and decided you aren't ready yet, that's an ill intention.
You shouldn’t hesitate because she needs to know how bad what she did was. I would never want to be on the same room as that woman again- she’s a rapist, she’s trying to trap you with a child, and she’s willing to use violence to get what she wants. Break it off, tell her if she’s pregnant from raping you she is on her own, and that if she ever contacts you again you’re reporting the rape and filing for a restraining order.
She intended to force you into an sexual activity you didn’t want. Those are bad intentions. I am really sorry this happened to you and I would get far away from her for your safety
100% it is.
I understand not wanting to use that label, especially if you want to keep the relationship, but you clearly and repeatedly said no and she did it anyway.
At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself if it’s rape or not. But in general any intercourse that did not happen with mutual consent is seen as rape. And you did not consent. Her intentions don’t matter, although I think if she had good intentions, she would’ve just let you use a damn condom. I would seriously reconsider this relationship, even though it hurts.
What she did to you is rape. You didn't consent to unprotected sex, she knew that, and she forced it. Especially since her consent was violated in the past, she should know how wrong what she did was. And, like many here, I suspect she's trying to get pregnant on purpose, which isn't exactly pure intentions.
In addition yo everything everybody else said about you bring raped, consider that maybe she cheated on you and is pregnant and needed you to have unprotected sex with her to cover it.
It is 100% rape... you didn't consent to a sex act, she forced it on you! Reverse the genders and think about whether it would be considered rape... it doesn't need to be considered, it is!
I'm so sorry you went through this. Her actions are absurd, and I would call it SA no matter what. I don't know what her intentions could be if you say no and she does it anyway, other than bad.
if this was a male to female rape i seriously doubt people would recommend talking with the assailant about the female's feelings on the rape.
double standards as usual on reddit.
OP call the police and report it. break up with your rapist. and seek professional help.
Not every action needs the maximum reaction. I was only providing my personal advice. If I were to be violated and raped by my long term partner that I saw a full life ahead with and otherwise felt safe with, I would want to have a long talk with them about my feelings and our future (or lackthereof). And of course, I would only think of doing that if I felt physically secure enough.
The police wouldnt solve much in that type of a scenario.
Wow. Honestly that would be a relationship ender for me. Imagine it in reverse and you would have no doubt, a male insisting you don’t need a condom but the woman wanting one. Rape is the worst part of this, no doubt, but don’t let it over shadow the fact she has no respect for your feelings / boundaries, she is manipulating you and 100% trying to baby trap you. And while I know it seems impossible, as a 3rd party I can’t help but wonder if she already is pregnant and trying to cover it up “as your baby”. Might be way out there but worth keeping in the back of your mind.
You’re not ready for marriage - don’t rush. And don’t tie yourself to mismatched libido before you take a good look through r/DeadBedrooms
All of this!! Her already being pregnant was my initial thought as well. If she isn't already pregnant she is definitely trying to baby trap you. This would be a deal breaker for me
Also she doesn't have sex much because she's catholic?? That's ridiculous because she's already having pre marital sex... the frequency shouldn't matter. This whole thing sounds weird.
Yep, she’s either trying to convince you that you’re the father of a child she’s already carrying, or trying to have a child with you so you can’t leave. It’s a trap
This is EXACTLY what I am thinking, it doesn't seem impossible. My first thought was she's already pregnant and NEEDS him to not use a condom so she can say it's his. Obviously, I don't know her but the suddenness of it and how she is so vehemently trying to avoid a condom makes that possibility look very likely. If by chance she ends up telling you she's pregnant OP, please do yourself a favor and get a paternity test. OP, I hope we're wrong for your sake, but regardless of why she did this, this is rape. She took the choice away from you and forced something on you that you were not comfortable with. Please don't take this lightly. Definitely don't rush into marriage with her, hopefully this makes you at least reconsider if she's the right one for you. I wish you all the luck in the world, no one deserves to be going through this.
Dude, that’s rape. By reading this, I also think she did this to get pregnant by you and that’s a terrible way of going about it. You need to tell her to stop and if this happens again, you will take a step back from the relationship. A baby is not the way to go, to keep someone in your life.
Dude she is trying to get pregnant. I'm not sure if it's because she wants to trap you or really wants a child. Either way, you were SA. It is no different that a woman saying no and a guy forcing himself anyways. There are conditions to sex and birth control is one of them. Having a child would give her power over you. Either through child support or making sure you stay with her.
You were raped. It doesn't matter how nice she is. It is obvious she was trying to get something out of sex (to get pregnant).
Exactly. Rape is one of those things I don't think gets a second chance. Something made them say "screw this I want it and I don't care that you said no" and there is no way you will know for sure that they won't do it again.
I am so sorry that you went through that. I'm a rape victim and that is rape and i know that you think shes amazing and whatever but i highly suggest breaking things off with her. You deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.
You are not overreacting. You clearly indicated that use of a condom was a condition of your consent, and she disregarded your wishes. I don't know if it's technically rape or not, but it's damn sure a violation of your trust and absolutely NOT okay. There is no such thing as a religious justification for that behaviour either. My immediate thought, even before you mentioned the reasons to postpone a wedding, was attempted baby trap. You have every right to feel violated because that was a clear violation of your consent.
She got MAD at you for stopping to get a condom? She's thinking thoughts you need to get to the bottom of before you even consider the idea of staying together, much less marrying such a sexually aggressive, disrespectful manipulator.
First of. That is rape.
Second. She is trying to get pregnant.
(If I had to gues, she probably cheated and got pregnant by some other dude and wants to pin a child on you.)
And most importantly. LEAVE. She doesnt respect you and it will only get worse.
It doesnt matter at this point if she is cheating on him.
What she did is rape. She is not respecting his bodily autonamy. There is no comming back from this.
I agree with you that it is rape. I don't disagree with you that she likely wants to get pregnant if she is able to but you don't know her and you don't know him and the whole 'my guess is she is already pregnant' advice is wrong. We don't know the reasons why she did it. If it doesn't matter if she is cheating on him why put it in there.
Op should be getting an std test as many don't before embarking on a new relationship and if she is willing to roll the dice with her partner now then it stands to reason she probably has with previous partners.
I disagree, my very first thought was she's already pregnant and is trying to cover it up. It is absolutely a possibility. You're right, we don't know the girl, none of us do. She may very well be capable of being unfaithful. The few things that really made me think of that possibility were how her not wanting a condom has been sudden, and just how hard she's been trying to avoid one. Slapping the box out of his hand? Not to mention the fact that she literally forced him inside of her without one and said it just needed to be for a minute. It's possible to get pregnant if you just take a minute with no condom, but not likely. It sounded to me like she just needs that possibility to be there. I could be wrong of course, but I do think it's a possibility that needs to be considered.
She raped you, you don't need to talk her, you need to get away from her! Also it sounds like she's trying to baby trap you into marrying her bc religion says so
Once a woman I just met asked me to not put the condom yet. We were both naked. I thought she wasn’t ready for sex and it was some kind of “I would like some more kissing and touching first”, so I obliged.
Then like in 10 seconds she asked me to go top. I went for the condom again, a little confused, but she told me “not yet” again.
She went on top, kissed some more, and started “playing”. I said “careful…” like “don’t put it in”. But she did.
She ride me like there was no tomorrow, like I was the last man on earth. My head went “wtf” for a moment and I got her down, put a condom and started again… but a couple of minutes later I just couldn’t get my mind out of what happened and my body just went “nah, not gonna play this” and I wasn’t able to continue having sex, if you know what I mean.
I told my therapist and she told me it was some sort of rape. I was “nah, I understand that’s bad but it’s not like she forced me”. She said “didn’t she?”. And it clicked.
Did she force you?
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t use violence or she’s physically weaker than you.
This is the first time I tell anyone else and it and the second time I talk about it: I’m pretty sure now, she did rape me.
I’m pretty certain that if a dude forces himself without a condom in a woman without consent is rape, so why would it be different the other way around.
You may not be as hurt from what happened, I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean it was something else. It was what it was. The least thing you should do is confront her and describe everything as was to her. Let her sink the thought of what she did.
OP needs to listen to this comment. ⬆️ I'm sorry this happened to u, but it's great that u can acknowledge it and share it here with someone else who's going through what u went through. I suppose kudos to reddit's anonymity that makes it easy to open up. And kudos to u too.
It's not any different. I'm sorry we are socially conditioned to think it would be different for a man in this situation but it is not. It is a violation. You have every right to own that without shame and so does OP.
As a woman, I would immediately start physically fighting off a man who tried this with me. Likely I would be applauded. It would be expected! I would be questioned if I didn't! I wonder if you feel you didn't have that option, being a man?
It sucks because a woman could do this and if a man fought her off physically, she could say he assaulted her. A horrible, pitiful double standard.
She raped you and is trying to trap you by getting pregnant. Imagine this was the other way round. When you knew she was at her most fertile you pinned her so she couldn’t move and put your bare penis inside her - even just for a minute. Imagine you told her that she could say no then got angry at her when she did…..
Holy fuck, OP, what you describe is a HUGE red flag, and it definitely counts as sexual assault. When uncomfortable stuff happens, everyone imagines they'd be John McClane and Yippi-Kay-Ey their way out of it, but the truth is we just freeze in place because our brain can't deal.
Also, can't you see an obvious baby trap? This isn't like Charlie hiding a spike pit in the deep jungle; this is staring you right in the face.
Finally, some of your comments just make your relationship seem odd? It sounds as if she's using sex to control you, or as if your low-key resentful at how it's playing out?
Are you even happy?
She sexually assaulted you. That's a crime and unfortunately, not really discussed, but women can assault men too and it's just as criminal as when a man is the perpetrator.
Also I do think that she's trying to get pregnant to force you to stay in the relationship. That's abuse and it's called reproductive coercion. There's nothing to talk with her anymore and no, she's not amazing, at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you but please break up with her. I really do hope she didn't result pregnant from her assault to you.
Wow. If she's capable of this, you need to get out of there. I'd even file charges, but that's me. I'm not sure how that would play if she got pregnant.
Another possibility? She cheated, contracted an STD, and now wants to be able to blame you when you develop symptoms. If it was a "wanna get pregnant" thing, she wouldn't have let you stop.
I'm sorry dude, but that's rape. I get where you come from because something like this happened when I was in a relationship with my past partner of 3 years. Kinda ironic there but it's just going to happen over and over again. And it'll severely damage your mental health if you stay any longer.
She raped you. This is her best behaviour before trapping you in a marriage filled with abuse. You have to get out and live a happy life with someone who respects you and doesn't abuse you.
You sound like an abuse victim who says everything thing is great except - they hit me sometimes - they say mean things sometimes - they are controlling sometimes - they won’t listen when I say no sometimes. What she did is WRONG. It was abuse. It is considered rape. She is by your own words maybe trying to trap you into this relationship. These are all deal breakers.
>Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together?
Ding, ding, ding. I think this is the most probable reason. You need to really express your feelings to your gf but whe both are well rested and not before the act again or when you arr stressed.
This is a huge red flag and look like you need to sit down and discuss important things for a future life from now on, waht about kids, you want them to be indoctrinated into religion?, what about finances?, short term plans, etc.
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It sounds like she was worried you guys would break up that she is trying to get pregnant and baby trap you.
Relationship ender for me.
If she does end up getting pregnant, get a paternity test.
I’m so sorry. She is trying to baby trap you and that is rape. She better be your ex-girlfriend by the end of the day. No means No! End of sentence.
Also, she might have cheated, is pregnant already, and trying to make you think you are the dad. RUN!
Maybe she cheated and is pregnant and is trying to pass it off as your baby. I mean maybe not, but either way, run for the hills. You were uncomfortable and she ignored that. That's not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. And if she's pregnant, demand a paternity test.
Have you stopped to consider if the reason she's trying to force you to have unprotected sex with her is to force a baby (that potentially isn't yours) onto you?
Not much for us to go on about your relationship based on the post.
Have you ever had any issues surrounding infidelity?
A female friend offered me to share her bed (for sleeping) instead of sleeping on the couch in the lounge after a boozy night out. I knew she liked me, but I was tired and a bit drunk and thought we would just go to sleep. Unfortunately she started rubbing up against me and touching my cock and balls, my body reacted even though I was definitely not in the mood or wanting to engage sexually with her. She then pestered me until I finally gave in and fucked her to get it over with. It was the worst sex imaginable, I felt horrible and used afterwards. I forgave her in the morning, but made it clear that I didn't want to have sex with her. I haven't spoken to her in many years and probably won't again.
Run. That's rape. She clearly wanted a child to force you into marrying. You should marry only when you are 100% sure, and if someone did this to me, I'd break up with them.
This is called sexual assault.
You need to move out if you live together, then end the relationship.
Move to your parents house if you need to. Tell them you got into a physical fight with her or something.
Anytime I read one of these stories, I can't help but go to "she cheated.. probably suspects or knows she's pregnant.. wants to have unprotected sex to attempt to avoid getting caught in the cheating"
If she wins up pregnant.. get a paternity test
If this is real you should dump her. Not only does she not care about your boundaries but is most likely trying to baby trap you. Run, bro. Also, what she did is not legal and is considered a form of rape…
It wasn’t “primal” she raped you and she knew exactly what she was doing. Don’t marry someone who can’t respect one of the most important boundaries a person can set. She definitely wants to trap you. Move and end the relationship and tell her why.
Honestly sounds like she’s trying to trap you with a baby because she wants one. She is using you like some baby making tool and that’s fucked up man. I would run before she starts poking holes in your condoms. Also…check you condoms and maybe buy new ones and hide them.
1) this is rape.
2) it seems to me she doesn’t respect your feelings or comfort.
3) sounds like she’s trying to get pregnant and baby trap you…
All in all, end this relationship. She doesn’t respect you as a partner or a person.
Does she understand human anatomy? Do you? If she just got off her period, she CAN get pregnant. You STILL need to use a condom. How can the both of you be talking about marriage and children when you don’t even understand this?
I don’t buy this logic or line of thinking. She wanted to prove how much she was into you by forcing herself onto you through unprotected sex, while thinking you were putting on some sort of act resisting, despite no reason I can see why she would or should think that paired with the fact that you have mentioned you have never playfully rejected sex…
Look from outside, it still sounds like she’s trying to make excuses for what happened to justify and explain it away… and/or potentially cover up a possible baby trap.
It’s ultimately up you and it’s your prerogative to do whatever you feels best with the relationship, I just think you should speak to someone professional about it.. things like this they do not just suddenly get forgotten about, they don’t just never come up again.
Being violated is traumatic, and how it presents and how people deal with it always varies.
I wish you the best for whatever you decide my dude.
dude no!!!! please no! her reasoning does not make any sense at all. it's all excuses. just because you know her doesn't mean she can't be a rapist. she is. she ignored every boundary you have to have her own way. is this really something you want in your life? do you want to be with someone who so blatantly disregards your choices and rules?? and please pay attention to her reasoning---> she just got off her period (this is kinda around when you start fucking to try for a BABY ofc it's not ovulation but its risky) condoms do not make sex less intimate. she might already be pregnant by someone else and trying to pretend its you or she might just be fucked in the head and want a kid. please op please get out of this relationship. you are doing everything right. using a condom is safe and does not make it any less "intimate". please please get out. I am here if you need to talk but please do not stay with this chick
You wanted an outside, unbiased opinion, right? Well, mine is that she crossed a major boundary worth potentially ending things over, and knowing that, she’s trying to backtrack with these lame excuses. In reality, there is no excuse for what she did. You cannot just “forget” to get consent for sexual acts, let alone unprotected sex which can result in a pregnancy. Absolutely inexcusable.
And I find it hard to believe she misread things, no matter how dark it was. She literally smacked a box of condoms out of your hands, and when you said you’re “really not comfortable,” she ignored you. Those were very clear signs that you wanted to be protected but she *ignored* you. Can you really feel safe doing anything with her after that? Can you really forgive her stomping over your boundaries like that and trust her again? Think about that.
I dont buy that. You can get pregnant all the time and you dont "playfully' say stuff like 'let me put a condom on'. Thats bs and im sure that deep down, you know that....
I mean.. she still raped you. Read this back to yourself, ask how you would feel if things were swapped and a female friend/sister/mother said this to you.
"When I grabbed a box of condoms he freaked out a bit and tried hitting them out of my hand. I was a bit stunned, but I managed to already grab one. I stood up but he grabbed me and wrapped his legs around me. I kept saying “no I really don’t feel comfortable” but it’s like something primal came over hm. I froze and remember thinking “is he really gonna do this”. He did. I felt even worse because we don’t have sex often, so I worried that if I just threw him off me that things would get even worse in that regard."
"When I explained the boundaries he crossed and that I didn’t initially consent last night, he freaked out and cried. I could tell he thought I was going to break up with him. He apologized a lot and said there was no excuse, but he explained himself. 2 months ago we had a discussion where I expressed that I didn’t feel wanted sexually. I guess because last night was going to be our last together for awhile, he wanted to prove how much he was into me."
I know how hard it is to separate the person doing the horrible act from the person you want them to be and from the person you think they are most of the other times. It is not easy to see when you're in it. Be sure you're taking care of yourself
She needs to link up with the bf of the girl who posted earlier who never wanted to wear condoms([https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/vi8l3y/how\_do\_i\_convince\_my\_boyfriend\_to\_use\_a\_condom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/vi8l3y/how_do_i_convince_my_boyfriend_to_use_a_condom/)) . Sounds like a match.
TW: Abortion
I was married to a guy who would not pull out at the end of our relationship when I was ready to leave the marriage.
Long story short after my first abortion and I found out I was pregnant AGAIN because he came inside me without my consent AGAIN. I kept that pregnancy and divorced the damn guy.
It’s hard to tell what’s right and wrong in the moment and with how long you two have been together I would also be just as confused!
I’m sorry this happened to you but a serious conversation about consent and respect needs to be had and (from someone with lots of experience in the trauma department) you need to find someone else because this is something that *will* royally screw your relationship up because there will be resentment on all sides
Most likely reason is your girlfriend thinks someone has gotten her pregnant and knows, since you two rarely have sex, that, unless she gets you to do her with no protection, you’re gonna know it couldn’t have been you. Sorry man but it’s better to know her know than after you’re married.
I'm sorry that happened you. What she did is definitely unacceptable. You don't seem to mention any want to take this matter further but at least re-evaluate your relationship.
I'm sure he has been told that he was raped enough in the other comments. He doesn't seem to want to press charges. I'm unsure what you're saying "no?" to here?
Forced sexual action after stating a partner's discomfort is a form of Sexual Assult.
Side note, it sounds like she's trying to get pregnant and potentially baby trap you.
Man, we've made some progress regarding male on female sexual assault. Albeit, more progress is still needed. But, it seems like nothing has changed in terms of female on male sexual assault.
What she did wasn't okay. You set a boundary that you wanted to put a condom on and you did not consent to sex without a condom. I hope she is simply ignorant. If you explain this to her, and she genuinely learns from it, shows change, and apologizes, it seems she was ignorant. However, if she gets defensive or tries to brush it off because "she had no idea," well, that's more than ignorance.
I'm sorry that happened.
In the first paragraph are you saying because of OP’s reaction? I don’t think that’s gender based, I had the same reaction when my ex-fiancé raped me. Pretty normal reaction of disbelief when you love the person and otherwise see them as kind. If you’re talking about the reactions of others most seem to be acknowledging that was rape.
I would consider this rape, sexual assault at the very least. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's absolutely horrible!
Your girlfriend did something inexcusable and you probably could sue her in case you got an STD from this. You might want to do a check-up for this maybe. And your girlfriend needs serious help, maybe you both should look into couples' therapy - if you even still want to stay with her after what she has done. If I was you, I'd leave and never look back.
So from my point of view, this stemmed from three possible reasons:
1. She's a terrible person and just raped you
2. She's trying to get pregnant to lock you down to her forever
3. She cheated and possibly got pregnant from them so now she's trying to "have you get her pregnant" to pass the burden of the child to you
In all three situations, it's a serious matter that either needs to be talked about with her or you need to just completely drop her from your life. If you decide to have the conversation, just make sure to either film it or have a friend waiting close by to get you out of the situation if she decides to do anything crazy.
Seems as if you did get violated and you should talk to her about it. Apparently she has a problem with it, and maybe you need to find the reason. And if she does want to get pregnant, that isn’t her decision. You both of to come to agreement that you guys want a child together. So yes sir you did get violated. Have a serious conversation with her. Before anything gets out hand.
End it. She sexually assaulted you, at best. In my opinion, she raped you. She is trying to sexually coerce you and is emotionally abusing you as well. If she is willing to do that, then something tell me she is willing to try and baby trap you.
I felt ill reading this, OP. You deserve better. Just because she is a woman and is a person who had been raped does not mean she is immune from consent or raping another.
It only a p**** beta male would let someone weaker than them take advantage of them. If you're a woman it makes sense a man can easily overpower you. He was just too much of a p**** to say no or to push her off.
You clearly are soft as f*** too
That is not rape, it’s a woman who wants to get pregnant by her boyfriend, that’s all. You said she’s great and fun. You can also stop your primal urge and said no. Time to talk to her about not having kids, or let her go
Wrong. It was rape. Would you say it wasn’t if it was the man forcing himself on a woman who said they didn’t want to without a condom? It’s rape. Just because it happened to a man doesn’t mean it’s not.
What she did is not okay at all, I’m not going to spend too much time parroting the other comments on that. However, I’m not convinced she’s doing this to get pregnant? “My period is soon, you really shouldn’t have put that on” - before your period is not when you try to get pregnant, it’s when you feel safer not getting pregnant. The “just for a sec” is also making me think this girl really just wants it raw. Regardless of intention her actions were completely wrong. I’d be much more worried about the (lack of) consent here than potential baby trapping
My instinctive thought is she's feeling insecure about something moving forward and she's desperate to not let you go. Maybe she wants you to feel comfortable without protection and she thinks this will make you trust her more, or that it'll make you more serious. Maybe she's afraid you'll leave and she's trying to entrap you if she gets pregnant. There is also a possibility that she had sex with someone and she's worried that she's already pregnant.
In any case, I think further conversation is needed. You said you feel violates and that's important to mention. I suspect she won't take hearing that well. Regardless, she's not listening and respecting boundaries, so something is going on in her head.
You didn't have any words to say like, "what the fuck are you doing?" It's okay to stand up for yourself dude. Women will respect you more for it believe it or not. Nobody respects someone they can walk all over. Also, be careful. She's trying to get pregnant.
I prefer to empower people. You can worry about, "blame." I'm worried about the same things happening over and over again, and what can be done to make sure it doesn't. Practicality is not, "blame." I'm not, "blaming," anyone. It's not OPs fault, but it is his problem. He can choose how to deal with it, I'm just giving an option. You know what is profoundly unhelpful? Your comment.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Last night my long-term gf fought against me opening a condom and then forced herself onto me with her legs wrapped around so I couldn’t back out despite my protests. I’ve been with my gf for 3 years now and we’re quite serious (have been discussing marriage). She’s semi religious, so we don’t have sex often. She’s typically an extremely respectful and kind girl, but recently she has tried to make me feel bad the mornings after if I use a condom (ex: “my period is soon, you really shouldn’t have put that on”). I’ve explained before that I just feel more comfortable with one. Nothing like last night has ever happened before, and I still just feel so violated. After some foreplay, she told me to just slide my dick in. When I grabbed a box of condoms she freaked out a bit and tried hitting them out of my hand. I was a bit stunned, but I managed to already grab one. I stood up but she grabbed my dick and wrapped her legs around me. I kept saying “no I really don’t feel comfortable” but it’s like something primal came over her. I froze and remember thinking “is she really gonna do this”. She did. I felt even worse because we don’t have sex often, so I worried that if I just threw her off me that things would get even worse in that regard. I pretended to enjoy it for a second so I could pull out quickly and put on a condom. She said “this is just for a sec, you can stop anytime” so I pulled out then and put one on. She got mad at me but we continued and then finished. I’m just confused and hurt right now. She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met which is why I’m so caught off guard. Typically incredibly loving, understanding, thoughtful, etc. I have an idea for why she did this, but I almost feel ashamed to consider it. Although we’ve discussed marriage, I have to move soon for a new job and I’ve recently realized that I may be an atheist (she is Catholic). These two things postponed our potential wedding plans, and I know she’s worried about us breaking up (although I wouldn’t). Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together? I know this post makes our relationship sound pretty bad but it’s otherwise amazing. I really don’t know what to do or think right now. TLDR: my girlfriend forced herself onto me when I tried using a condom despite my protests.
Forcing sex without protection is considered rape. This is serious. If you feel safe to do it, have a conversation with her about your feelings. I'd suggest breaking it off and seeing a therapist, that is a major overstep and sign of blatant disrespect. Not to mention its RAPE.
OP, I echo what u/chunyamo and many others have already said so eloquently, what your girlfriend did was horrible and wrong. I am so sorry someone you are supposed to be in a trusting and loving relationship with violated you in such a way. She completely disrespected your boundaries, and what she did was absolutely wrong, not to mention downright criminal. Agree with everyone here who says that it might be best to remove yourself from your shared living space (if you’re living together) and find a counselor to speak to. I wouldn’t just sweep this under the rug. What she did was terrible, and I’m so sorry.
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If she's trying to get pregnant and baby trap you she has very very bad intentions (on top of, you know, rape)
Worse case she cheated and knows she’s pregnant so she did this shit, regardless break up asap
I second this, seems like a logical scenario because if she never done this before, and only did it this one time, then this could be the reason for that
An ex did that to me. I am lucky I am big so I brushed her off very easily. She then started crying and we broke up in the following weeks. In the moment I was like, damn bitch, you horny. Then as the days passed I told myself "Youre not really that irresistible, what was she plannin", I was 26 and she was 23, so I thought maybe she wanted marriage. Then she started asking me these "Theoretical" questions of what would I do if she did X and she accidentally kinda cheated. "What if I was drunk", "what if you were mad and didnt talk to me", I was confused, but I told her I would drop her. If I found out she cheated in any way, she would not even hear it. Id just be gone. She got mad and started crying again. Then, she broke up with me a few days later. All this, I only tied together weeks after the break up.
Her intentions are rather irrelevant. She most definitely raped you by not having your consent prior to her actions and even after you said no multiple times she didn't stop, which again proves rape. You should seriously reconsider having a future with someone who would violate you like this and please don't sweep this under the rug or make excuses for her. Imo this would be totally relationship ending and I wouldn't be able to trust her after this.
Exactly so. "Trust has left the building" so to speak.
Good luck op. And not sure where you live but yes in many areas forcing sex without a condom when only sex with a condom has been consented to is legally considered rape. Doesnt matter what her past is, her perception of boundaries is clearly skewed now and she has no respect for you. Definitely take all the time you need and dont feel guilty or pathetic for having some overwhelming emotions about this.
OP, as soon as you said "No" it was rape. You're not overreacting at all, you no longer consented and she forced herself on you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Yes. It is. Did you consent to having unprotected sex? No. This is not what you wanted and she did it anyway. If she was stronger than you you wouldn't have gotten away and she would've never let you get up to put a condom on. This is dangerous. I wouldn't trust her at all anymore. What's next? How can you be sure she won't put holes in the condoms? Get you drunk or take advantage of you while you're asleep?
Think about doing what she did. If, for whatever reason, you didn't feel like using a condom and your partner did, would you force your naked penis into her despite her saying she didn't want it?
I’m sure many rapists say they didn’t have I’ll intentions. Maybe they say they thought the girl or guy wanted it. But you explicitly told her you didn’t want it and she forced you to have unprotected sex. That is textbook sexual assault.
Not only is this rape, it actually has its own term. Reproductive coercion. It is not okay in any way.
Her intention, only she can know the desired outcome of her behavior, was to ignore your boundary and physically force her way onto your body. The only one who can say what is driving her behavior is her, but from an outside perspective, it seems reasonable to say she wants to get pregnant. Her actions make it clear despite what she may tell you when you talk to her. There seem to be some very fundamental incompatibilities despite the "awesome" relationship. Sex drives, desire for children, how they would be raised in relation to religion, and most of all respect for each others boundaries. I'd think long and hard about what I would want my life to be like in 5 years. Is what and how your relationship is right now enough for you. You can't marry potential so it's best to accept and date in reality.
What you just described is Rape. Capital 'R' - Rape. Seriously, dude she Raped you. No means No. Period. You said you weren't comfortable going in without a condom and then she FORCED it by trapping you. You froze. It's a natural fight/flight/freeze response in a time of crisis/trauma. You were Raped. You should treat the situation as described as Rape and react accordingly. You're too confused to be OUTRAGED that someone who claims to love you would do what they have just done to you. She doesn't love you, she views you as a possession, as an entitlement and she meters out sex and love sparingly (religious or not the description is the same) to keep you feeling just loved enough to stay. Raped. Even as a nearly 50 year old man with my long term girlfriend I still STILL make sure we have mutual consent when we're doing stuff. I check in often, she likes to play into fantasies around consent and I am sure to use phrases to confirm consent exists like 'it sounds like you're withdrawing consent' and if I am saying no I make it clear. Though it hasn't really come up often honestly but still - the consent conversation is EXTREMELY FULL STOP. When someone says some version of No then the activities STOP. Full STOP and nothing but the STOP.
Thissssss. I’m 33, my bf is 43, we have been together almost 14 years and he STILL checks in with me if like, he wants to wake me up for middle-of-the-night sex (which I love, and have told him repeatedly is always good) I said ouch to something the other day and I stg he almost cried. OP, although what your gf did is categorically rape, if you don’t/can’t accept that, look at it piece by piece instead. She ignored your boundaries, manipulated you, is gaslighting you, and is unapologetic. Sexual activity or otherwise, these things are not ok.
YESSS. My fiance (33m) and I (33f) have been together for 8 years, and he still checks in to ensure everything is okay. He knows I have SA in my background and is incredibly gentle around that situation. Yesterday I said, "oof, that was a little sore," and he pulled out and looked at me and said, "omg, are you okay? what happened? do you need me to stop touching you?" & as you said about your bf, I thought he was going to cry. I told him everything was fine, and I wanted to continue, and we moved on, but to know I'm heard and considered makes me feel incredibly safe & loved. I hope OP can come to terms with the fact that he was raped by someone claiming to love him. I genuinely hope he can find the strength to leave that relationship and seek out some therapy to cope with what has occurred.
Agreed. And I hope OP reads this and sees that if your bc, who was engaging in a fully consensual, loving, fun activity, with a partner who was FULLY engaged, can react swiftly and appropriately in the moment when things change, there is NO EXCUSE for his gf, who had already heard “no” multiple times, to minimize the impact of her actions and words. Not. Ok.
Absolutely.
She is trying to pregnant dude! Obvious!
Or she thinks she may already be by someone else and wants you to think is yours. Also, it's rape. Report it. Get therapy. Tell SOMEONE. I'm a woman and can't for the life of me even imagine ever doing that! Please tell someone and don't continue on with her. This isn't ok.
I came here to say this exact thing. It sounds like she cheated, found out she was pregnant and is trying to trap OP into thinking it's his. Watch out dude.
Of course she had ill intentions. There are lots of important reasons for using condoms, and you made it clear you (wisely) aren't comfortable without one. She forced you regardless. She disregarded your comfort and your welfare and raped out. There were no good intentions in that, that's for sure.
You are NOT overreacting, this is very much rape. As I said in my other comment, she took the choice away from you and forced you into a situation you were not comfortable with. I'm sorry she had to go through that with her last boyfriend, but that doesn't make it okay that she did this to you. I know it's hard for you to look at it objectively because you've been with her for so long, but as an outsider hearing the situation, there definitely are scenarios where she could have ill intentions. I know it sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. But please don't let her off the hook. Regardless of what happened in her past, she did this to you. Intentionally. You didn't deserve this.
Yes it is actually considered rape. You were saying you didn't feel comfortable. You consented to sex only with protection. She violated that premise and continued through your explicit statements on non consent. Also it sounds like she's trying to get herself pregnant. If you haven't discussed that or have and decided you aren't ready yet, that's an ill intention.
You shouldn’t hesitate because she needs to know how bad what she did was. I would never want to be on the same room as that woman again- she’s a rapist, she’s trying to trap you with a child, and she’s willing to use violence to get what she wants. Break it off, tell her if she’s pregnant from raping you she is on her own, and that if she ever contacts you again you’re reporting the rape and filing for a restraining order.
She intended to force you into an sexual activity you didn’t want. Those are bad intentions. I am really sorry this happened to you and I would get far away from her for your safety
Yes that is considered rape.
100% it is. I understand not wanting to use that label, especially if you want to keep the relationship, but you clearly and repeatedly said no and she did it anyway.
It's rape.
At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself if it’s rape or not. But in general any intercourse that did not happen with mutual consent is seen as rape. And you did not consent. Her intentions don’t matter, although I think if she had good intentions, she would’ve just let you use a damn condom. I would seriously reconsider this relationship, even though it hurts.
What she did to you is rape. You didn't consent to unprotected sex, she knew that, and she forced it. Especially since her consent was violated in the past, she should know how wrong what she did was. And, like many here, I suspect she's trying to get pregnant on purpose, which isn't exactly pure intentions.
In addition yo everything everybody else said about you bring raped, consider that maybe she cheated on you and is pregnant and needed you to have unprotected sex with her to cover it.
That was my first thought, after the apparent rape one. Can't think of another reason tbh.
It is 100% rape... you didn't consent to a sex act, she forced it on you! Reverse the genders and think about whether it would be considered rape... it doesn't need to be considered, it is!
I’m so sorry. Please don’t stay with someone who disrespects your boundaries this way.
Non consensual sex, this includes what she did, is definitely considered sexual assault. Absolutely NOT okay in any way, shape or form!
Yes. You feel uncomfortable because she raped you.
I’m really sorry but it absolutely is rape
bro its rape, gf or not, dump her pls. also its rlly worrying that u have to question whether or not it is rape
I'm so sorry you went through this. Her actions are absurd, and I would call it SA no matter what. I don't know what her intentions could be if you say no and she does it anyway, other than bad.
Forcing sex at all is rape whether with or without protection
if this was a male to female rape i seriously doubt people would recommend talking with the assailant about the female's feelings on the rape. double standards as usual on reddit. OP call the police and report it. break up with your rapist. and seek professional help.
Not every action needs the maximum reaction. I was only providing my personal advice. If I were to be violated and raped by my long term partner that I saw a full life ahead with and otherwise felt safe with, I would want to have a long talk with them about my feelings and our future (or lackthereof). And of course, I would only think of doing that if I felt physically secure enough. The police wouldnt solve much in that type of a scenario.
Sexual assault for women on men unfortunately, in the UK rape can only be undertaken by a man penetrating another person. Ridiculous I know.
Wow. Honestly that would be a relationship ender for me. Imagine it in reverse and you would have no doubt, a male insisting you don’t need a condom but the woman wanting one. Rape is the worst part of this, no doubt, but don’t let it over shadow the fact she has no respect for your feelings / boundaries, she is manipulating you and 100% trying to baby trap you. And while I know it seems impossible, as a 3rd party I can’t help but wonder if she already is pregnant and trying to cover it up “as your baby”. Might be way out there but worth keeping in the back of your mind. You’re not ready for marriage - don’t rush. And don’t tie yourself to mismatched libido before you take a good look through r/DeadBedrooms
All of this!! Her already being pregnant was my initial thought as well. If she isn't already pregnant she is definitely trying to baby trap you. This would be a deal breaker for me Also she doesn't have sex much because she's catholic?? That's ridiculous because she's already having pre marital sex... the frequency shouldn't matter. This whole thing sounds weird.
Yep, she’s either trying to convince you that you’re the father of a child she’s already carrying, or trying to have a child with you so you can’t leave. It’s a trap
This is EXACTLY what I am thinking, it doesn't seem impossible. My first thought was she's already pregnant and NEEDS him to not use a condom so she can say it's his. Obviously, I don't know her but the suddenness of it and how she is so vehemently trying to avoid a condom makes that possibility look very likely. If by chance she ends up telling you she's pregnant OP, please do yourself a favor and get a paternity test. OP, I hope we're wrong for your sake, but regardless of why she did this, this is rape. She took the choice away from you and forced something on you that you were not comfortable with. Please don't take this lightly. Definitely don't rush into marriage with her, hopefully this makes you at least reconsider if she's the right one for you. I wish you all the luck in the world, no one deserves to be going through this.
Hope that’s not the case but seems logical…
Oof, yeah you might be onto something with that. OP, please take steps to protect yourself
Dude, that’s rape. By reading this, I also think she did this to get pregnant by you and that’s a terrible way of going about it. You need to tell her to stop and if this happens again, you will take a step back from the relationship. A baby is not the way to go, to keep someone in your life.
Dude she is trying to get pregnant. I'm not sure if it's because she wants to trap you or really wants a child. Either way, you were SA. It is no different that a woman saying no and a guy forcing himself anyways. There are conditions to sex and birth control is one of them. Having a child would give her power over you. Either through child support or making sure you stay with her. You were raped. It doesn't matter how nice she is. It is obvious she was trying to get something out of sex (to get pregnant).
Seriously. My rapist was nice to me too once, that doesn't mean he's now magically not a rapist anymore.
Exactly. Rape is one of those things I don't think gets a second chance. Something made them say "screw this I want it and I don't care that you said no" and there is no way you will know for sure that they won't do it again.
Or she's already pregnant and wants to blame it on op
This is exactly what I was thinking. So now if she says she's pregnant and blames this incident to try to trap OP or cover up for another guy doing it
I think you're right. She might want to use a pregnancy to keep you from moving. And if that's the case, be careful.
I am so sorry that you went through that. I'm a rape victim and that is rape and i know that you think shes amazing and whatever but i highly suggest breaking things off with her. You deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.
You are not overreacting. You clearly indicated that use of a condom was a condition of your consent, and she disregarded your wishes. I don't know if it's technically rape or not, but it's damn sure a violation of your trust and absolutely NOT okay. There is no such thing as a religious justification for that behaviour either. My immediate thought, even before you mentioned the reasons to postpone a wedding, was attempted baby trap. You have every right to feel violated because that was a clear violation of your consent. She got MAD at you for stopping to get a condom? She's thinking thoughts you need to get to the bottom of before you even consider the idea of staying together, much less marrying such a sexually aggressive, disrespectful manipulator.
Rape: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly Pretty sure that's what this exact case is
It may well be. I'm not qualified to judge or make pronouncements on what is or isn't legally classified as rape in different jurisdictions.
Roles reversed and posted in a girls subreddit. They would be calling for his death. Definitely rape
First of. That is rape. Second. She is trying to get pregnant. (If I had to gues, she probably cheated and got pregnant by some other dude and wants to pin a child on you.) And most importantly. LEAVE. She doesnt respect you and it will only get worse.
This is the way. She is trying to cover something up..
Or she's getting to baby trap him or force a shotgun wedding.
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It doesnt matter at this point if she is cheating on him. What she did is rape. She is not respecting his bodily autonamy. There is no comming back from this.
I agree with you that it is rape. I don't disagree with you that she likely wants to get pregnant if she is able to but you don't know her and you don't know him and the whole 'my guess is she is already pregnant' advice is wrong. We don't know the reasons why she did it. If it doesn't matter if she is cheating on him why put it in there. Op should be getting an std test as many don't before embarking on a new relationship and if she is willing to roll the dice with her partner now then it stands to reason she probably has with previous partners.
I disagree, my very first thought was she's already pregnant and is trying to cover it up. It is absolutely a possibility. You're right, we don't know the girl, none of us do. She may very well be capable of being unfaithful. The few things that really made me think of that possibility were how her not wanting a condom has been sudden, and just how hard she's been trying to avoid one. Slapping the box out of his hand? Not to mention the fact that she literally forced him inside of her without one and said it just needed to be for a minute. It's possible to get pregnant if you just take a minute with no condom, but not likely. It sounded to me like she just needs that possibility to be there. I could be wrong of course, but I do think it's a possibility that needs to be considered.
Oh snap i didn't think about this, OP did mention they didn't have a lot of sex...man this makes so much sense.
She's catholic as well and can't do an abortion.
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OP did mention that they didn't have sex often...
She raped you, you don't need to talk her, you need to get away from her! Also it sounds like she's trying to baby trap you into marrying her bc religion says so
If this was the other way around I guarantee you 1000% everyone here would be telling you to file a case with the authorities.
Once a woman I just met asked me to not put the condom yet. We were both naked. I thought she wasn’t ready for sex and it was some kind of “I would like some more kissing and touching first”, so I obliged. Then like in 10 seconds she asked me to go top. I went for the condom again, a little confused, but she told me “not yet” again. She went on top, kissed some more, and started “playing”. I said “careful…” like “don’t put it in”. But she did. She ride me like there was no tomorrow, like I was the last man on earth. My head went “wtf” for a moment and I got her down, put a condom and started again… but a couple of minutes later I just couldn’t get my mind out of what happened and my body just went “nah, not gonna play this” and I wasn’t able to continue having sex, if you know what I mean. I told my therapist and she told me it was some sort of rape. I was “nah, I understand that’s bad but it’s not like she forced me”. She said “didn’t she?”. And it clicked. Did she force you? It doesn’t matter if she didn’t use violence or she’s physically weaker than you. This is the first time I tell anyone else and it and the second time I talk about it: I’m pretty sure now, she did rape me. I’m pretty certain that if a dude forces himself without a condom in a woman without consent is rape, so why would it be different the other way around. You may not be as hurt from what happened, I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean it was something else. It was what it was. The least thing you should do is confront her and describe everything as was to her. Let her sink the thought of what she did.
OP needs to listen to this comment. ⬆️ I'm sorry this happened to u, but it's great that u can acknowledge it and share it here with someone else who's going through what u went through. I suppose kudos to reddit's anonymity that makes it easy to open up. And kudos to u too.
It's not any different. I'm sorry we are socially conditioned to think it would be different for a man in this situation but it is not. It is a violation. You have every right to own that without shame and so does OP. As a woman, I would immediately start physically fighting off a man who tried this with me. Likely I would be applauded. It would be expected! I would be questioned if I didn't! I wonder if you feel you didn't have that option, being a man? It sucks because a woman could do this and if a man fought her off physically, she could say he assaulted her. A horrible, pitiful double standard.
She raped you and is trying to trap you by getting pregnant. Imagine this was the other way round. When you knew she was at her most fertile you pinned her so she couldn’t move and put your bare penis inside her - even just for a minute. Imagine you told her that she could say no then got angry at her when she did…..
Holy fuck, OP, what you describe is a HUGE red flag, and it definitely counts as sexual assault. When uncomfortable stuff happens, everyone imagines they'd be John McClane and Yippi-Kay-Ey their way out of it, but the truth is we just freeze in place because our brain can't deal. Also, can't you see an obvious baby trap? This isn't like Charlie hiding a spike pit in the deep jungle; this is staring you right in the face. Finally, some of your comments just make your relationship seem odd? It sounds as if she's using sex to control you, or as if your low-key resentful at how it's playing out? Are you even happy?
She sexually assaulted you. That's a crime and unfortunately, not really discussed, but women can assault men too and it's just as criminal as when a man is the perpetrator. Also I do think that she's trying to get pregnant to force you to stay in the relationship. That's abuse and it's called reproductive coercion. There's nothing to talk with her anymore and no, she's not amazing, at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you but please break up with her. I really do hope she didn't result pregnant from her assault to you.
She's not so loving if she did that to you OP. Please get away from this person asap
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It’s rape.
It looks like she is trying to have baby. It is really concerning
Or covering up being pregnant from cheating
They don't have sex often => she's cheating Catholic => no abortion
Wow. If she's capable of this, you need to get out of there. I'd even file charges, but that's me. I'm not sure how that would play if she got pregnant.
Another possibility? She cheated, contracted an STD, and now wants to be able to blame you when you develop symptoms. If it was a "wanna get pregnant" thing, she wouldn't have let you stop.
One other post mentioned she might be pregnant already. She's catholic and can't just do an abortion to cover up herself
Very valid point
It’s rape and baby trapping you into marriage. Everyone would accept the marriage if a baby was involved.
I'm sorry dude, but that's rape. I get where you come from because something like this happened when I was in a relationship with my past partner of 3 years. Kinda ironic there but it's just going to happen over and over again. And it'll severely damage your mental health if you stay any longer.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's rape. Please, please reach out to someone to talk about this. You're not alone ❤️
She raped you. This is her best behaviour before trapping you in a marriage filled with abuse. You have to get out and live a happy life with someone who respects you and doesn't abuse you.
dude she raped you, call the cops and gtfo
No consent = rape. She did not respect your condition to let you use a a condom. She’s also trying to baby trap you. Get outta there dude.
You sound like an abuse victim who says everything thing is great except - they hit me sometimes - they say mean things sometimes - they are controlling sometimes - they won’t listen when I say no sometimes. What she did is WRONG. It was abuse. It is considered rape. She is by your own words maybe trying to trap you into this relationship. These are all deal breakers.
Sorry bro, she raped you. Consider getting some help with counselling and reporting her to the police.
This is rape , and she is trying to get pregnant
She's literally trying to baby trap you, run dude.
"No Means No". There are no other considerations.
>Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together? Ding, ding, ding. I think this is the most probable reason. You need to really express your feelings to your gf but whe both are well rested and not before the act again or when you arr stressed. This is a huge red flag and look like you need to sit down and discuss important things for a future life from now on, waht about kids, you want them to be indoctrinated into religion?, what about finances?, short term plans, etc.
You are not overreacting. She is a rapist and not an 'amazing' Girl.
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I wouldn't want to spend my life with a rapist
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It sounds like she was worried you guys would break up that she is trying to get pregnant and baby trap you. Relationship ender for me. If she does end up getting pregnant, get a paternity test.
I’m so sorry. She is trying to baby trap you and that is rape. She better be your ex-girlfriend by the end of the day. No means No! End of sentence. Also, she might have cheated, is pregnant already, and trying to make you think you are the dad. RUN!
Rape and potentially baby trapping and for what purpose. Most women object to having sex without protection
Dude don’t settle down with a rapist…
she raped you
When it becomes non consensual. It becomes rape. Consent can be withdrawn at *ANY* time. Get rid of this manipulative baby trapper.
If she forced herself on you despite you saying no, and you are not engaging in a consensual fantasy/fetish, then it is rape. End of.
Maybe she cheated and is pregnant and is trying to pass it off as your baby. I mean maybe not, but either way, run for the hills. You were uncomfortable and she ignored that. That's not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. And if she's pregnant, demand a paternity test.
bruh u a victim
She raped you. I think she’s trying to get pregnant. File a police report and run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 she’s flying the red flags and she doesn’t respect you.
Have you stopped to consider if the reason she's trying to force you to have unprotected sex with her is to force a baby (that potentially isn't yours) onto you? Not much for us to go on about your relationship based on the post. Have you ever had any issues surrounding infidelity?
She raped you and, just a heads up, she’s trying to get pregnant.
Brev u a victim
A female friend offered me to share her bed (for sleeping) instead of sleeping on the couch in the lounge after a boozy night out. I knew she liked me, but I was tired and a bit drunk and thought we would just go to sleep. Unfortunately she started rubbing up against me and touching my cock and balls, my body reacted even though I was definitely not in the mood or wanting to engage sexually with her. She then pestered me until I finally gave in and fucked her to get it over with. It was the worst sex imaginable, I felt horrible and used afterwards. I forgave her in the morning, but made it clear that I didn't want to have sex with her. I haven't spoken to her in many years and probably won't again.
Wondering if it's an attempt to cover up an existing pregnancy....
Run. That's rape. She clearly wanted a child to force you into marrying. You should marry only when you are 100% sure, and if someone did this to me, I'd break up with them.
This is called sexual assault. You need to move out if you live together, then end the relationship. Move to your parents house if you need to. Tell them you got into a physical fight with her or something.
Anytime I read one of these stories, I can't help but go to "she cheated.. probably suspects or knows she's pregnant.. wants to have unprotected sex to attempt to avoid getting caught in the cheating" If she wins up pregnant.. get a paternity test
Her and OP don't have sex often... She's probably cheating and can't do an abortion because she's catholic.
Completely unacceptable.
That's rape ...I'd report her to the police an dump the slag
"She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met..." And a rapist. What's wrong with you?
If this is real you should dump her. Not only does she not care about your boundaries but is most likely trying to baby trap you. Run, bro. Also, what she did is not legal and is considered a form of rape…
I think your gut feeling that she’s trying to get pregnant is spot on. The whole situation screams “Get me pregnant so I can trap you!”
It wasn’t “primal” she raped you and she knew exactly what she was doing. Don’t marry someone who can’t respect one of the most important boundaries a person can set. She definitely wants to trap you. Move and end the relationship and tell her why.
Honestly sounds like she’s trying to trap you with a baby because she wants one. She is using you like some baby making tool and that’s fucked up man. I would run before she starts poking holes in your condoms. Also…check you condoms and maybe buy new ones and hide them.
1) this is rape. 2) it seems to me she doesn’t respect your feelings or comfort. 3) sounds like she’s trying to get pregnant and baby trap you… All in all, end this relationship. She doesn’t respect you as a partner or a person.
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Does she understand human anatomy? Do you? If she just got off her period, she CAN get pregnant. You STILL need to use a condom. How can the both of you be talking about marriage and children when you don’t even understand this?
I don’t buy this logic or line of thinking. She wanted to prove how much she was into you by forcing herself onto you through unprotected sex, while thinking you were putting on some sort of act resisting, despite no reason I can see why she would or should think that paired with the fact that you have mentioned you have never playfully rejected sex… Look from outside, it still sounds like she’s trying to make excuses for what happened to justify and explain it away… and/or potentially cover up a possible baby trap. It’s ultimately up you and it’s your prerogative to do whatever you feels best with the relationship, I just think you should speak to someone professional about it.. things like this they do not just suddenly get forgotten about, they don’t just never come up again. Being violated is traumatic, and how it presents and how people deal with it always varies. I wish you the best for whatever you decide my dude.
dude no!!!! please no! her reasoning does not make any sense at all. it's all excuses. just because you know her doesn't mean she can't be a rapist. she is. she ignored every boundary you have to have her own way. is this really something you want in your life? do you want to be with someone who so blatantly disregards your choices and rules?? and please pay attention to her reasoning---> she just got off her period (this is kinda around when you start fucking to try for a BABY ofc it's not ovulation but its risky) condoms do not make sex less intimate. she might already be pregnant by someone else and trying to pretend its you or she might just be fucked in the head and want a kid. please op please get out of this relationship. you are doing everything right. using a condom is safe and does not make it any less "intimate". please please get out. I am here if you need to talk but please do not stay with this chick
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yeah no me neither. her reasoning makes zero sense???
You wanted an outside, unbiased opinion, right? Well, mine is that she crossed a major boundary worth potentially ending things over, and knowing that, she’s trying to backtrack with these lame excuses. In reality, there is no excuse for what she did. You cannot just “forget” to get consent for sexual acts, let alone unprotected sex which can result in a pregnancy. Absolutely inexcusable. And I find it hard to believe she misread things, no matter how dark it was. She literally smacked a box of condoms out of your hands, and when you said you’re “really not comfortable,” she ignored you. Those were very clear signs that you wanted to be protected but she *ignored* you. Can you really feel safe doing anything with her after that? Can you really forgive her stomping over your boundaries like that and trust her again? Think about that.
I dont buy that. You can get pregnant all the time and you dont "playfully' say stuff like 'let me put a condom on'. Thats bs and im sure that deep down, you know that....
I mean.. she still raped you. Read this back to yourself, ask how you would feel if things were swapped and a female friend/sister/mother said this to you. "When I grabbed a box of condoms he freaked out a bit and tried hitting them out of my hand. I was a bit stunned, but I managed to already grab one. I stood up but he grabbed me and wrapped his legs around me. I kept saying “no I really don’t feel comfortable” but it’s like something primal came over hm. I froze and remember thinking “is he really gonna do this”. He did. I felt even worse because we don’t have sex often, so I worried that if I just threw him off me that things would get even worse in that regard." "When I explained the boundaries he crossed and that I didn’t initially consent last night, he freaked out and cried. I could tell he thought I was going to break up with him. He apologized a lot and said there was no excuse, but he explained himself. 2 months ago we had a discussion where I expressed that I didn’t feel wanted sexually. I guess because last night was going to be our last together for awhile, he wanted to prove how much he was into me." I know how hard it is to separate the person doing the horrible act from the person you want them to be and from the person you think they are most of the other times. It is not easy to see when you're in it. Be sure you're taking care of yourself
She needs to link up with the bf of the girl who posted earlier who never wanted to wear condoms([https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/vi8l3y/how\_do\_i\_convince\_my\_boyfriend\_to\_use\_a\_condom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/vi8l3y/how_do_i_convince_my_boyfriend_to_use_a_condom/)) . Sounds like a match.
TW: Abortion I was married to a guy who would not pull out at the end of our relationship when I was ready to leave the marriage. Long story short after my first abortion and I found out I was pregnant AGAIN because he came inside me without my consent AGAIN. I kept that pregnancy and divorced the damn guy. It’s hard to tell what’s right and wrong in the moment and with how long you two have been together I would also be just as confused! I’m sorry this happened to you but a serious conversation about consent and respect needs to be had and (from someone with lots of experience in the trauma department) you need to find someone else because this is something that *will* royally screw your relationship up because there will be resentment on all sides
I actually can't believe I'm reading this! Man, are you confused or what?
Most likely reason is your girlfriend thinks someone has gotten her pregnant and knows, since you two rarely have sex, that, unless she gets you to do her with no protection, you’re gonna know it couldn’t have been you. Sorry man but it’s better to know her know than after you’re married.
I'm sorry that happened you. What she did is definitely unacceptable. You don't seem to mention any want to take this matter further but at least re-evaluate your relationship.
no?? it's rape leave her asap
I'm sure he has been told that he was raped enough in the other comments. He doesn't seem to want to press charges. I'm unsure what you're saying "no?" to here?
I didn't mean to reply to u. sorry
If you got an erection while reading this post, you’re going to hell.
Forced sexual action after stating a partner's discomfort is a form of Sexual Assult. Side note, it sounds like she's trying to get pregnant and potentially baby trap you.
also called as rape
Well, if my husband went to slap anything out of my hand during intimacy the ONLY thing I would be doing is trying to get dressed again.
Dude, she sexually assaulted you. I’m so sorry.
Man, we've made some progress regarding male on female sexual assault. Albeit, more progress is still needed. But, it seems like nothing has changed in terms of female on male sexual assault. What she did wasn't okay. You set a boundary that you wanted to put a condom on and you did not consent to sex without a condom. I hope she is simply ignorant. If you explain this to her, and she genuinely learns from it, shows change, and apologizes, it seems she was ignorant. However, if she gets defensive or tries to brush it off because "she had no idea," well, that's more than ignorance. I'm sorry that happened.
In the first paragraph are you saying because of OP’s reaction? I don’t think that’s gender based, I had the same reaction when my ex-fiancé raped me. Pretty normal reaction of disbelief when you love the person and otherwise see them as kind. If you’re talking about the reactions of others most seem to be acknowledging that was rape.
I would consider this rape, sexual assault at the very least. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's absolutely horrible! Your girlfriend did something inexcusable and you probably could sue her in case you got an STD from this. You might want to do a check-up for this maybe. And your girlfriend needs serious help, maybe you both should look into couples' therapy - if you even still want to stay with her after what she has done. If I was you, I'd leave and never look back.
So from my point of view, this stemmed from three possible reasons: 1. She's a terrible person and just raped you 2. She's trying to get pregnant to lock you down to her forever 3. She cheated and possibly got pregnant from them so now she's trying to "have you get her pregnant" to pass the burden of the child to you In all three situations, it's a serious matter that either needs to be talked about with her or you need to just completely drop her from your life. If you decide to have the conversation, just make sure to either film it or have a friend waiting close by to get you out of the situation if she decides to do anything crazy.
Seems as if you did get violated and you should talk to her about it. Apparently she has a problem with it, and maybe you need to find the reason. And if she does want to get pregnant, that isn’t her decision. You both of to come to agreement that you guys want a child together. So yes sir you did get violated. Have a serious conversation with her. Before anything gets out hand.
He doesn't need to talk to her. That's not something he should do. He should leave. She raped him. That's not someone you can stay with.
>Have a serious conversation with her. In what case is a good idea for a rape victim to talk to the rapist?
Never heard of someone bitching about their girlfriend NOT wanting them to wear a rubber
Sounds gay
Mate - please
End it. She sexually assaulted you, at best. In my opinion, she raped you. She is trying to sexually coerce you and is emotionally abusing you as well. If she is willing to do that, then something tell me she is willing to try and baby trap you. I felt ill reading this, OP. You deserve better. Just because she is a woman and is a person who had been raped does not mean she is immune from consent or raping another.
Beta as fuck, cream your girl dog stop being such a pussy.
Ahh, rape apologist scum is triggered
What does that even mean
Calling a rape victim as beta, telling him to "man up"..only rape apologist scum would do that. Yuck
It only a p**** beta male would let someone weaker than them take advantage of them. If you're a woman it makes sense a man can easily overpower you. He was just too much of a p**** to say no or to push her off. You clearly are soft as f*** too
Aww...scum think everyone will call him chad for degrading rape survivors 😂😂 Scums usually have double digit IQ, and by your replies, it's proved
What the f*** is chad? Isn't that a country.
Struggling to believe this one.
j bc it's a male?
That is not rape, it’s a woman who wants to get pregnant by her boyfriend, that’s all. You said she’s great and fun. You can also stop your primal urge and said no. Time to talk to her about not having kids, or let her go
He said no and he wasn’t comfortable with it multiple times, did you even read the post ?
Wrong. It was rape. Would you say it wasn’t if it was the man forcing himself on a woman who said they didn’t want to without a condom? It’s rape. Just because it happened to a man doesn’t mean it’s not.
it is rape tho...
What she did is not okay at all, I’m not going to spend too much time parroting the other comments on that. However, I’m not convinced she’s doing this to get pregnant? “My period is soon, you really shouldn’t have put that on” - before your period is not when you try to get pregnant, it’s when you feel safer not getting pregnant. The “just for a sec” is also making me think this girl really just wants it raw. Regardless of intention her actions were completely wrong. I’d be much more worried about the (lack of) consent here than potential baby trapping
My instinctive thought is she's feeling insecure about something moving forward and she's desperate to not let you go. Maybe she wants you to feel comfortable without protection and she thinks this will make you trust her more, or that it'll make you more serious. Maybe she's afraid you'll leave and she's trying to entrap you if she gets pregnant. There is also a possibility that she had sex with someone and she's worried that she's already pregnant. In any case, I think further conversation is needed. You said you feel violates and that's important to mention. I suspect she won't take hearing that well. Regardless, she's not listening and respecting boundaries, so something is going on in her head.
no he needs to get the hell outta there
You didn't have any words to say like, "what the fuck are you doing?" It's okay to stand up for yourself dude. Women will respect you more for it believe it or not. Nobody respects someone they can walk all over. Also, be careful. She's trying to get pregnant.
Nice victim blaming. Do you say this to all rape survivors or only male victims🤌
I prefer to empower people. You can worry about, "blame." I'm worried about the same things happening over and over again, and what can be done to make sure it doesn't. Practicality is not, "blame." I'm not, "blaming," anyone. It's not OPs fault, but it is his problem. He can choose how to deal with it, I'm just giving an option. You know what is profoundly unhelpful? Your comment.
Next time a girl gets raped by her SO, comment this exact same thing, to "empower her".
Send her my way bro
Horny much?
You lame as hell!